Should the tongue out picture thing bother me as much as it does?

[busymama7]

In relation to my own, adult, at college daughter.

 

I tried to break her of it when she lived at home but didn't quite succeed. She now posts pics of her with her tongue out from college.

 

We are extremely conservative (LDS). I honestly don't think she knows it can be suggestive and I'm not sure if I should tell her that. I'm pretty sure I at least mentioned that a few years ago but it didn't stick I guess. Or maybe I'm just a prude and it's just the "in" thing and isn't suggestive? Regardless of that its yucky and stupid looking. But I guess I have to live with that part 😒

[Jyhwkmama]

She is an adult. Say nothing.

 

 

 

ETA: I know that is hard to do for any parent.

Edited May 3, 2017 by Jyhwkmama

[Ailaena]

It's annoying af, but if you think it's suggestive, that's you projecting your issues onto children.

[luuknam]

Maybe just a generic reminder that anything she posts on the internet (incl. social media) will be around forever for future employers etc to find... but, I wouldn't get into the tongue thing. A) it's already out there, and b) if you nag her about it she might just want to stick her tongue out at you some more.

 

ETA: And I agree it looks stupid, and sometimes (not always) can look suggestive.

Edited May 3, 2017 by luuknam

[goldberry]

Is it tongue out like "blahh!" or tongue out like, "see how sexy I am?"  Those are different in my opinion.

[busymama7]

She is an adult. Say nothing.

 

 

 

ETA: I know that is hard to do for any parent.

It's not likely I would say anything. I was honestly wondering if it was my perception which another poster says it is so there you go.

[busymama7]

It's annoying af, but if you think it's suggestive, that's you projecting your issues onto children.

Well she's hardly a child. I admit to willingly living mostly under a rock and not getting into pop culture but I was under the understanding that it was suggestive. That's why I was asking. To see if I was i was wrong.

Edited May 3, 2017 by busymama7

[busymama7]

Is it tongue out like "blahh!" or tongue out like, "see how sexy I am?" Those are different in my opinion.

That's a good question. In the latest one it honestly looks fairly silly. I just think it's so yucky to put yourself out on SM in very unattractive ways. And I wanted I know if it was perceived by others as suggestive.

[goldberry]

That's a good question. In the latest one it honestly looks fairly silly. I just think it's so yucky to put yourself out on SM in very unattractive ways. And I wanted I know if it was perceived by others as suggestive.

 

 

I don't find it suggestive if it's obviously silly blahh type of thing.  Licking lips, etc  = suggestive.

[Guest]

Not suggestive at all. Just dumb.

[AimeeM]

We are pretty darn conservative.

 

I have never heard of this as suggestive, unless it's MEANT to be suggestive, kwim? I mean, you said you don't think she knows it CAN be suggestive, so it obviously wasn't mean that way.

 

I stick my tongue a lot. An awful lot. My husband finds it adorable -- but in no way suggestive. 

[Anne in CA]

I bet she doesn't get it. My dd does it once in a while for Twitter pics but is well aware it's not an attractive look. She does it for the stupid doggy filter. I think the doggy filter is dumb, but whatever.

[Joker]

I don't find those pictures suggestive. I'm actually happy to see more goofy tongue out pictures instead of the duck face ones.

[GinaPagnato]

I wouldn't say it's suggestive, but it's annoying and predictable.

[gardenmom5]

In relation to my own, adult, at college daughter.

 

I tried to break her of it when she lived at home but didn't quite succeed. She now posts pics of her with her tongue out from college.

 

We are extremely conservative (LDS). I honestly don't think she knows it can be suggestive and I'm not sure if I should tell her that. I'm pretty sure I at least mentioned that a few years ago but it didn't stick I guess. Or maybe I'm just a prude and it's just the "in" thing and isn't suggestive? Regardless of that its yucky and stupid looking. But I guess I have to live with that part 😒

 

 

tongue out can be a lot of things - including contemptuous/disdainful of others.  why wouldn't you tell her how she is coming across?  it's your job as mom.  or do you think then she'd just increase how often she does it?

I think all the twerking and tongues hanging out is very jr high.  I recently saw a bunch of photos from some elite "party" with their multi-thousand dollar dresses.  they were in the bathrooms, sitting on the floor - smoking.  very very jr high.  not how to make yourself look mature.

 

Like SWB said - children who can express themselves verbally do not need to stick their tongues out for a picture.   and I have kids this age. (well, my boys are slightly older)

 

My son used to like "attitude" shirts.  he chose one which was . . . . well . . inappropriate.  I asked him if he knew what it meant.  he had no idea, he thought it was funny.   I told him.  he turned bright red - and put it back. 

 

[gardenmom5]

We are pretty darn conservative.

 

I have never heard of this as suggestive, unless it's MEANT to be suggestive, kwim? I mean, you said you don't think she knows it CAN be suggestive, so it obviously wasn't mean that way.

 

I stick my tongue a lot. An awful lot. My husband finds it adorable -- but in no way suggestive. 

 

for pictures?

 

it does really depend upon context. 

[Pam in CT]

At a suitable moment, you might consider giving her some good general advice that the interwebs are forever, and the day may come when she wants a Senate confirmation, or even just a regular job in a regular place; and among the Very First Things some HR departments do in the early stages of candidate vetting is a social media search.  Judgment, darling.

 

I wouldn't focus on any one specific irritant.  There will be others.  

 

 

(The older I get, the more baffled I am about complaints about Terrible Twos.  Parenting toddlers is a cakewalk compared to the launching-adults phase!)

[busymama7]

At a suitable moment, you might consider giving her some good general advice that the interwebs are forever, and the day may come when she wants a Senate confirmation, or even just a regular job in a regular place; and among the Very First Things some HR departments do in the early stages of candidate vetting is a social media search. Judgment, darling.

 

I wouldn't focus on any one specific irritant. There will be others.

 

 

(The older I get, the more baffled I am about complaints about Terrible Twos. Parenting toddlers is a cakewalk compared to the launching-adults phase!)

Oh we have had those discussions. Dozens of times. We even removed her SM access a few times around 15-16 for inappropriate postings and such. She's a slow leaner.

[busymama7]

for pictures?

 

it does really depend upon context.

Yeah this doesn't really look like a playful thing. Wasn't it Mylie Ray Cyrus (sorry about spelling. Under the rock I choose, I tell you) that posed like this? The tongue hanging out all the ways thing?

[Jean in Newcastle]

I think that there are an awful lot of other things to worry/concern yourself about in this world.  That isn't one of them. 

[busymama7]

tongue out can be a lot of things - including contemptuous/disdainful of others. why wouldn't you tell her how she is coming across? it's your job as mom. or do you think then she'd just increase how often she does it?

I think all the twerking and tongues hanging out is very jr high. I recently saw a bunch of photos from some elite "party" with their multi-thousand dollar dresses. they were in the bathrooms, sitting on the floor - smoking. very very jr high. not how to make yourself look mature.

 

Like SWB said - children who can express themselves verbally do not need to stick their tongues out for a picture. and I have kids this age. (well, my boys are slightly older)

 

My son used to like "attitude" shirts. he chose one which was . . . . well . . inappropriate. I asked him if he knew what it meant. he had no idea, he thought it was funny. I told him. he turned bright red - and put it back.

 

Well I didn't want to say anything if I was *wrong* sitting here under my rock. Yes it's unattractive but for some reason she doesn't really care about that. I could have appealed to her with a frank statement of it being suggestive and sending the wrong message. Maybe possibly. More than it just looks stupid. Sigh. Give me toddlers any day.

[regentrude]

I don't see the problem. Einstein's picture with his tongue out is just silly and in good fun - and rather famous. There is nothing suggestive about it.

 

ETA: If the worst thing your college kid is doing is sticking her tongue out in pictures, you have nothing to worry about.

Edited May 3, 2017 by regentrude

[mamaraby]

Einstein stuck his tongue out in a picture. So...he was being suggestive? Story says he was tired of smiling for pictures and stuck his tongue out instead. Iconic image.

 

I don't live under a rock, I am not conservative, and while I'm maybe not as with it as I think I am (and also have no idea what the current phrasing is for that sort of thing), it isn't understood to be suggestive to the broader culture unless, as another poster has pointed out, it's *made* to seem so.

 

She's an adult. I'd let it go.

[busymama7]

I think that there are an awful lot of other things to worry/concern yourself about in this world. That isn't one of them.

Maybe. But my world is my family and they are my primary concern. she may be an adult but she is still out daughter and we will guide and instruct her in times when it is needed/appropriate.

 

Discounting me and just trying to make me look/feel stupid for asking a question isn't helpful. I honestly just wanted to know how it was perceived by others.

[Guest]

I honestly am surprised that's an issue, it's not like she is flashing nipple or mooning the camera? What's so private about a tongue? I'm pretty modest but that's a standard silly picture pose?

[debinindy]

I think that there are an awful lot of other things to worry/concern yourself about in this world.  That isn't one of them. 

 

 

I tend to agree with you here. But I think it's ugly and unattractive, esp. the way certain "celebrities" do it.  Blech!

 

Edited May 3, 2017 by debinindy

[regentrude]

I honestly just wanted to know how it was perceived by others.

 

silly, goofy, having fun, not being serious...

If it's done in a casual setting, it won't register for most people as anything worth noticing.

[rebbyribs]

Einstein stuck his tongue out in a picture. So...he was being suggestive? Story says he was tired of smiling for pictures and stuck his tongue out instead. Iconic image.

 

 

I had no idea this was a real picture!  I had always assumed that it was a famous Photoshopped image.

 

:blushing:

[busymama7]

Einstein stuck his tongue out in a picture. So...he was being suggestive? Story says he was tired of smiling for pictures and stuck his tongue out instead. Iconic image.

 

I don't live under a rock, I am not conservative, and while I'm maybe not as with it as I think I am (and also have no idea what the current phrasing is for that sort of thing), it isn't understood to be suggestive to the broader culture unless, as another poster has pointed out, it's *made* to seem so.

 

She's an adult. I'd let it go.

I looked that picture up and I wouldn't really say that's the same look I'm getting from teen/young adult girls. Edited May 3, 2017 by busymama7

[Garga]

Miley Cyrus' sticking out tongue always seemed to have an element of disdain in it. Like she's thinking, "Suckers!" at us.

 

Einstein looked like he was just being silly and wasn't thinking, "Suckers!"

 

It depends on how it's being done. I haaaate the Miley kind.

 

Oh, and then that guy from Kiss used to do it and I think he meant for it to be suggestive. Don't like that either.

 

I hate pictures with a tongue out, even the Einstein one. But I think tongues are very gross.

[kitten18]

I looked that picture up and I wouldn't really say that's the same look I'm getting from teen/young adult girls.

Then I don't know what you're talking about.

Can you link an example from google?

[mamaraby]

I looked that picture up and I wouldn't really say that's the same look I'm getting from teen/young adult girls.

And I don't think the ones posted by teens/young adults are necessarily any different than the one of Einstein baring certain cultural baggage that we set on top of teens/young adults and women.

 

You wanted to know if other people see it as suggestive and myself and others have said that a) we don't think it is and b) that the broader culture doesn't think it is. I understand that it can be difficult to let go of our own perceptions, but no, it's not a thing. No, it isn't suggestive unless it's specifically made to be so.

 

Statements like "I don't like it" or "I think it's dumb" or "It's ugly" are a matter of aesthetics which is a "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" kind of thing. Absolutely subjective.

[unsinkable]

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/evolution-the-self/201509/what-does-it-mean-when-we-stick-our-tongues-out

 

This was an interesting article.

 

I think context matters. Certainly, a little kid with thumbs in her ear and her fingers waggling with her tongue out isn't suggestive. But that doesn't mean every instance of a person sticking her tongue out isn't' suggestive.

 

I think as a mom, you can remind your DD to be aware of the image she wants to give on social media. And if you think she naive, let her know.

[busymama7]

And I don't think the ones posted by teens/young adults are necessarily any different than the one of Einstein baring certain cultural baggage that we set on top of teens/young adults and women.

 

You wanted to know if other people see it as suggestive and myself and others have said that a) we don't think it is and b) that the broader culture doesn't think it is. I understand that it can be difficult to let go of our own perceptions, but no, it's not a thing. No, it isn't suggestive unless it's specifically made to be so.

 

Statements like "I don't like it" or "I think it's dumb" or "It's ugly" are a matter of aesthetics which is a "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" kind of thing. Absolutely subjective.

Thank you. I'm glad to know that it isn't seen that way. and yes my subjective disdain for it will remain in my own head as that has been expressed to her when younger and she doesn't agree :)

[mamaraby]

Thank you. I'm glad to know that it isn't seen that way. and yes my subjective disdain for it will remain in my own head as that has been expressed to her when younger and she doesn't agree :)

That's the thing, though, you've expressed it to her and she doesn't agree. Now that she's an adult...mentioning it will best case scenario provoke eye rolling, and worst case scenario work to push her away.

 

I think rather than talking about how you perceive what she posts as specifically this thing or that, you can instead mention a one time reminder that the internet is forever and then resolve to let it go. Easier said than done, but on the flipside, since you have mentioned it before, I imagine she already knows what you think. So maybe keep the mom opinion card for something far bigger?

[Outdoorsy Type]

I don't like it, and I do sometimes think it looks suggestive. At least the licking lips type. The world doesn't have to fit in my ideas of what is pleasant, though. I probably wouldn't mention it to an adult child.

[bolt.]

I don't think you have any reason to interfere or advise your dd on her social media use. Unasked advice is almost always unwanted advice.

 

I'm sure you know this, but you may have to cope with a lot more differentiation of values between you and your dd in these years. Right now you seem to differ on the role of tongues in social media. You might want to regard this as a super easy practice run for bigger stuff. She may become an anti-vaxer (or a pro-vaxer). She may investigate other religions or come to believe in one, of in a different interpretation of yours. She may date someone you think is unsuitable. She may intentionally post photos that she knows are suggestive because she likes the idea of looking sexy. She may have sex, get pregnant, fail out of school, or move away to try to get a job in show business.

 

It's a really good time for you to explore your feelings of 'bothered but staying out of it' on a small scale... before she does something that really matters.

[zoobie]

I wouldn't comment on an adult's social media use **too much**, but surely she understands the basics of sex enough to get the potential sexuality of the pose? I can't fathom worrying about telling my teen daughter about that!

[Dmmetler]

You can always show her a Haka :).

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/video/news/video-1132462/New-Zealand-All-Blacks-perform-Haka-against-USA-Eagles.html

 

(DD's BFF is part Maori, and pointed this out when her middle school classmates started doing the tongue out selfie thing. )

[sassenach]

I JUST asked my 20-year-old a few days ago if this was the new duck face. I noticed that all of my facebook/instagram friends in her age range, including herself, are regularly taking pictures sticking their tongue out. She hadn't noticed it being a thing, but I think that's because she prides herself on not being trendy and she totally got caught being just like everyone else.  :lol:

 

Anyhow, I think it's just a trend. It looks dumb, but I don't see it as sexual at all. 

[sassenach]

Is it tongue out like "blahh!" or tongue out like, "see how sexy I am?"  Those are different in my opinion.

What I'm seeing is totally like a flaccid tongue out thing. It's not sexy or suggestive at all. Honestly, it is almost the opposite.

Edited May 3, 2017 by Sassenach

[AimeeM]

for pictures?

 

it does really depend upon context. 

As a matter of fact, my husband was showing me how to use my new iphone and turned it around to take a couple "selfies" of the two of us together. In one of them, he's sticking his tongue out; in another, I am. 

I have a framed photo sitting on my shelf of him wearing one of the boys' monster hats, and sticking out his tongue.

 

Absolutely fun and silly -- and not the least bit suggestive.

[SKL]

I think it is ridiculous, but I agree that it isn't always suggestive.  Hopefully most of the people seeing it would just think, "young people!" and move on.  :P

 

Yep I just said :P.

[gardenmom5]

At a suitable moment, you might consider giving her some good general advice that the interwebs are forever, and the day may come when she wants a Senate confirmation, or even just a regular job in a regular place; and among the Very First Things some HR departments do in the early stages of candidate vetting is a social media search.  Judgment, darling.

 

I wouldn't focus on any one specific irritant.  There will be others.  

 

 

(The older I get, the more baffled I am about complaints about Terrible Twos.  Parenting toddlers is a cakewalk compared to the launching-adults phase!)

 

this.  1dd has a friend who couldn't get a security clearance  in ONE state (job required all 50) for something that happened 22 YEARS ago - so, he is now looking for a new job.

 

kids are often shocked to find out there are repercussions for stuff they did/posted online - or partying in college.  the internet is f.o.r.e.v.e.r.

 

1ds' gf's father is a detective - so uber paranoid. (she also has a serious medical condition)  he kept her locked up tight at this age.  now . . she can admit she needed strict boundaries then to prevent her from doing some really stupid stuff.

 

oh . . .. when 1dd was one of five getting a security clearance.  . . she was the ONLY one that got it. . . those other four . . were out of a job.  and this wasn't some big whoop job either - but . . computers and servers.

 

Yeah this doesn't really look like a playful thing. Wasn't it Mylie Ray Cyrus (sorry about spelling. Under the rock I choose, I tell you) that posed like this? The tongue hanging out all the ways thing?

 

 

miley comes across as a little snot reveling in being offensive.  haven't seen as many pix of her of late.  now . . . if we can just get the kardashians off the magazine covers. . . .

[SKL]

Yeah, I would just drop a comment randomly that one should never post anything one wouldn't want ones' boss (or potential boss) to see.

[Bootsie]

I warn my college students about their social media presence, and I have been in the position of accepting students into special programs and have looked at social media as part of the decision process.  This is not something I would be concerned about.  A silly, sticking your tongue out picture would be a sign of a sense of humor to some employers.  It would be well within the range of pictures college students post of themselves.  

[wonderchica]

I think you're overreacting. It's not suggestive.

[Scarlett]

 

(The older I get, the more baffled I am about complaints about Terrible Twos. Parenting toddlers is a cakewalk compared to the launching-adults phase!)

 

 

I know! I was at a friends house last night who just had a baby and they have a 4 year old. Oh how I miss those days.

[Scarlett]

I would probably say something one more time and then let it go.

 

I have a very strong reaction to the tongue hanging out. It is true it can be done many ways and come off many ways. At the very least it is immature and yes the Internet is forever.

[SparklyUnicorn]

Saying anything only encourages her.