Lang Syne Boardie Posted April 28, 2017 Share Posted April 28, 2017 Can anyone come? A strong male relative, or someone from church? Alternatively, if he did not sound himself, gather up the kids and go somewhere, before he gets home. Purse, phone, go. Leave a note about running errands. Get some backup before you come home. I'm sorry if I'm scaring you but I do not like psychotic episodes that are relationship game changers, with women home alone with tiny children. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pink and Green Mom Posted April 28, 2017 Share Posted April 28, 2017 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mergath Posted April 28, 2017 Share Posted April 28, 2017 (edited) I wish I had seen this earlier. Moonhawk, has he come home yet? I can't diagnose him but what you're describing reminds me of a psychotic episode. It would not be unreasonable to have someone with you when he comes, or even to call the police if you're afraid. Please do update and let us know how you are, once you are calm and safe. It's pretty typical behavior for someone having a bipolar manic episode. My dh threatened to divorce me so many times during the bad years it got to the point where I'd just roll my eyes and tell him to have his lawyer fax me the papers in the morning. Of course, the OP should do whatever is necessary to feel safe. But this specific behavior isn't out of the realm of what someone does when they're manic. ETA: My dh even stormed out on multiple occasions, saying he was done with me and never coming back, then slept in the car and came back in the next day. :001_rolleyes: I'm not trying to minimize how stressful this is- at the time it happened, I felt like I was having a nervous breakdown- but knowing that it's actually fairly common during mania can help make it feel like the world isn't crashing down. Edited April 28, 2017 by Mergath 16 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BooksandBoys Posted April 28, 2017 Share Posted April 28, 2017 Hugs. I'm so sorry. I keep thinking that even if you try to calm him down and change his mind, he'll just decide to move out again in a few days and you'll be here again, and, eventually, he'll do it. Of course, no one can predict the future, but that's how my relative would behave when manic. He'd threaten, calm down, threaten, calm down, then do it anyway. Whatever you do will be hard. Hugs and strength to you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 28, 2017 Share Posted April 28, 2017 Standing with you in a prayer. God be with you. You amaze me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted April 28, 2017 Share Posted April 28, 2017 Praying Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted April 28, 2017 Share Posted April 28, 2017 (edited) Mergath, I know...I worried about posting but went ahead only bc it sounds like the op is entering new territory, more drastic and unpredictable than his past cycles. I'm not saying I know more than anyone, certainly not more than Moonhawk about her situation, but I know what it's like when assumed bipolar (un-dx'ed and untreated) gives way one night to a true psychotic episode, and that phone call as she reported it strongly triggered the memory. Of course, Moonhawk, if you feel safe and like you can control what happens when he gets home, then fine, that is best. But if you are as alarmed as you sound to me, I'm just saying listen to it and act if that feels right. It's not unreasonable if this card feels really wild. Edited - in our case, it was actually schizophrenia and the world did crash down. The limits that were placed on the misdiagnosed bipolar didn't hold. I'll quit now, I'm not trying to make the OP afraid or hysterical. I truly hope that it's still an entirely manageable situation although still really hard. Edited April 28, 2017 by Tibbie Dunbar 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted April 28, 2017 Share Posted April 28, 2017 Thinking of you. Agreeing with Mergath that this doesn't sound unusual for someone going through a phase like this, and also agreeing that it would be best for someone to be with you, or for youvto leave a note and take all the kids out for some errand or other - you ran out of milk? Diapers? Sometimes riding in the car can soothe kids to sleep? Invent something and go, if he sounds really unlike himself. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mergath Posted April 28, 2017 Share Posted April 28, 2017 Mergath, I know...I worried about posting but went ahead only bc it sounds like the op is entering new territory, more drastic and unpredictable than his past cycles. I'm not saying I know more than anyone, certainly not more than Moonhawk about her situation, but I know what it's like when assumed bipolar (un-dx'ed and untreated) gives way one night to a true psychotic episode, and that phone call as she reported it strongly triggered the memory. Of course, Moonhawk, if you feel safe and like you can control what happens when he gets home, then fine, that is best. But if you are as alarmed as you sound to me, I'm just saying listen to it and act if that feels right. It's not unreasonable if this card feels really wild. Edited - in our case, it was actually schizophrenia and the world did crash down. The limits that were placed on the misdiagnosed bipolar didn't hold. I'll quit now, I'm not trying to make the OP afraid or hysterical. I truly hope that it's still an entirely manageable situation although still really hard. Yup. And if she feels even a hint that he might turn violent, she needs to call the police or get out immediately. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
displace Posted April 28, 2017 Share Posted April 28, 2017 Hugs. Personally I'm of the mindset : you can be with me if you do these things (get psychiatric help, take meds, agree to never talk to other women inappropriately, etc). Otherwise I'd have him leave, with a way to resolve in the future if you desire. I'd also explain divorce as not a touchy-feely situation but a child care arrangement. I'm sorry you're going through this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne Posted April 28, 2017 Share Posted April 28, 2017 Just seeing this now and praying for you!!! Anne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted April 28, 2017 Share Posted April 28, 2017 ((Moonhawk)) I'm praying for all of you, your dh included. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted April 28, 2017 Share Posted April 28, 2017 I hope everything is OK. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthwestMom Posted April 28, 2017 Share Posted April 28, 2017 It's pretty typical behavior for someone having a bipolar manic episode. My dh threatened to divorce me so many times during the bad years it got to the point where I'd just roll my eyes and tell him to have his lawyer fax me the papers in the morning. Of course, the OP should do whatever is necessary to feel safe. But this specific behavior isn't out of the realm of what someone does when they're manic. ETA: My dh even stormed out on multiple occasions, saying he was done with me and never coming back, then slept in the car and came back in the next day. :001_rolleyes: I'm not trying to minimize how stressful this is- at the time it happened, I felt like I was having a nervous breakdown- but knowing that it's actually fairly common during mania can help make it feel like the world isn't crashing down. :iagree: And I encourage Moonhawk to separate on whatever terms are easiest - he goes, or she and the kids do - to make sure that the kids aren't witnesses to anything damaging to them. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PinkTulip Posted April 28, 2017 Share Posted April 28, 2017 Praying for you Moonhawk. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janie Grace Posted April 28, 2017 Share Posted April 28, 2017 Praying for you. I'm so sorry you are dealing with this, but you are not alone. Asking God to lead you and comfort you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted April 28, 2017 Share Posted April 28, 2017 (edited) Praying. I wish I could do more but I think you as the person with boots on the ground are going to have to play things by ear and make the best decisions you can. I am afraid there are no good options, it is a matter of trying to determine the least bad option among several. Edited April 28, 2017 by maize 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted April 28, 2017 Share Posted April 28, 2017 Oh, I just saw this! Praying. For you, for your children, for your husband. Praying for protection and calm in the storm. I look forward to your update. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moonhawk Posted April 28, 2017 Share Posted April 28, 2017 He's staying, at least for now. No physical threats or concerns, I see that some are worried, just want to reassure you guys. He is delusional, but more emotionally distraught right now than anything. He's living in a horrible echo chamber, just continually taking in negative thoughts, unfortunately many about our marriage. Still doesn't see that separation means things would change in our relationship (which ironically he doesn't want to change despite the whole negativity towards marriage). Right now he is calmer and joking around, so I'm just trying to get us to bed now. Jumped on to update so you didn't have to worry. will give a better account when I can tomorrow. 31 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 28, 2017 Share Posted April 28, 2017 (((moonhawk))) and your dh and children. So much suffering. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted April 28, 2017 Share Posted April 28, 2017 Thank you for the update. Wishing you peace and clarity as you figure out your next steps. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama Geek Posted April 28, 2017 Share Posted April 28, 2017 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted April 28, 2017 Share Posted April 28, 2017 Hugs and positive thoughts Hugs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terabith Posted April 28, 2017 Share Posted April 28, 2017 Thank you for the update. You're doing such a good job. When does he see the psychiatrist? Can you call the psychiatrist who diagnosed him two years ago? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 28, 2017 Share Posted April 28, 2017 What a roller coaster. I've been following, but I have no experience nor advice. Just know many are following in silence and lifting you up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted April 28, 2017 Share Posted April 28, 2017 I'm way too familiar with that rumination echo chamber, seems to me dh has wasted entire years of his life trapped in it. The prison inside his own head. Medication helps him immensely, but he is just starting to crack the surface of the cognitive thought process work that is the other critical part of fighting his illness. It's a long road. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted April 28, 2017 Share Posted April 28, 2017 I'm way too familiar with that rumination echo chamber, seems to me dh has wasted entire years of his life trapped in it. The prison inside his own head. Medication helps him immensely, but he is just starting to crack the surface of the cognitive thought process work that is the other critical part of fighting his illness. It's a long road. Yes. I used to say there was a bubble of warped space around my DH, so that things came through to him much different than actual reality,a nd then got trapped there. I'd say one thing and he'd hear a whole other thing. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted April 28, 2017 Share Posted April 28, 2017 Roller coaster is right. Reading along and thinking about you and you family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthwestMom Posted April 28, 2017 Share Posted April 28, 2017 Yes. I used to say there was a bubble of warped space around my DH, so that things came through to him much different than actual reality,a nd then got trapped there. I'd say one thing and he'd hear a whole other thing. This is so true. While in the depths of his depression, DH received a birthday card that basically wished him joy every day of his life. His interpretation? "She hopes I'll die soon." :huh: 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlessedMom Posted April 28, 2017 Share Posted April 28, 2017 You are in my thoughts and prayers! (((((((((Hugs)))))))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted April 28, 2017 Share Posted April 28, 2017 This is so true. While in the depths of his depression, DH received a birthday card that basically wished him joy every day of his life. His interpretation? "She hopes I'll die soon." :huh: I've run into people like that in the past. I thougth they were being melodramatic or something. Now I feel a little sorry for them and wonder if something more serious was going on. OP, today is the psych visit--I hope he went. Were you part of that visit? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moonhawk Posted April 28, 2017 Share Posted April 28, 2017 (edited) Hi, thanks everyone for prayers and hugs. Got me through the night and this morning. So, he stayed. Seems he doesn't want to leave, he's still undecided, or if he wants to leave, he wants to figure out where he will stay and finances before moving. He is simply too confused. He got really irritated when I said I wouldn't do the business and our relationship would change if he left. He said he didn't know why I wanted to be enemies and that everything we've done together is fake if I punish him by changing our relationship, that I obviously don't really love him since I won't treat him the same. ??? So, not quite seeing reality the same as me. He did admit he doesn't feel like he's thinking clearly and that his emotions are all over the place, he is really confused. He said it was better when he was able to step back and just try to observe it, not feel it. He can see that something is wrong with the situation, and his actions aren't making it better. He says logically his course should be a,b,c, but he doesn't believe it would make him feel better than what he's currently doing. He's gone again, supposedly to work on a research project for business. Also, today he started an enzyme regimen that is supposed to help certain things, including stress and thought processing. Not that I'm holding my breath for a miracle cure, but if it calms him down even a little, that's a win. Even a placebo is a win at this point. Yesterday was the psychologist appt, BUT it ended up just being another intake appt, not him actually seeing someone. :cursing: It made him upset that he wasn't getting help when he thought he was, and apparently the woman he talked to "treated [him] like he was crazy and a horrible person." From what he understands, they will schedule him with an actual psychologist/therapist within the next 2 weeks. Okay, I think that's all I got. eta: trimmed and succinct'd Edited April 28, 2017 by Moonhawk 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terabith Posted April 28, 2017 Share Posted April 28, 2017 Can you call the intake person and let them know what's going on? It might get him bumped up. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bolt. Posted April 28, 2017 Share Posted April 28, 2017 (Hugs) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted April 28, 2017 Share Posted April 28, 2017 Have you tried to contact the psychologist yet? That is critically important, they really need your input. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moonhawk Posted April 28, 2017 Share Posted April 28, 2017 Can you call the intake person and let them know what's going on? It might get him bumped up. Have you tried to contact the psychologist yet? That is critically important, they really need your input. Did call Tuesday to talk to the psychologist. They could neither confirm nor deny he was a patient, etc., but could take notes in case he was. Gave them my spiel. Now that I found out it was not the actual appointment and just an intake, I'm wondering if I talked to the psychologist or just someone else. They did say "Dr" when they answered the phone, but maybe I spoke to a different person. Didn't seem to change their mind on how to handle him, regardless. Will call again to see if I speak to the same person or what. Today is discussion with a lawyer. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted April 28, 2017 Share Posted April 28, 2017 (edited) Good luck with the lawyer discussion, I hope you find it helpful. Your dh badly needs medical care in addition to a psychologist or therapist. A good therapist will tell him this. Who was it who gave him the bipolar diagnosis two year ago, can you contact that person? Once when my husband had tried to wean off medication and consequently became profoundly irrational I had to basically trick him into going to the doctor. I think I took him with me to an appointment he thought was just for one of the children. Edited April 28, 2017 by maize 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted April 28, 2017 Share Posted April 28, 2017 Hugs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted April 28, 2017 Share Posted April 28, 2017 Still following along. :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted April 28, 2017 Share Posted April 28, 2017 Yes. I used to say there was a bubble of warped space around my DH, so that things came through to him much different than actual reality,a nd then got trapped there. I'd say one thing and he'd hear a whole other thing. Yes. After a while, it becomes hard to know what's real yourself. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luuknam Posted April 28, 2017 Share Posted April 28, 2017 So, not quite seeing reality the same as me. Not quite seeing reality the same as, uh, pretty much anyone. Of course it'd affect your relationship if he left to hook up with someone or someones else - it's not like you suggested this to him! 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaybee Posted April 29, 2017 Share Posted April 29, 2017 I hope your time with the lawyer was helpful, and gave you some clear insights in how to handle things. Continuing to pray for you and your family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlessedMom Posted April 29, 2017 Share Posted April 29, 2017 Praying for you and your family tonight! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Isabella Posted April 29, 2017 Share Posted April 29, 2017 (edited) Thinking of you in this awful situation. Especially when you should be blissfully enjoying your baby without this stress. I can't imagine how you are coping. My daughter has a baby about the age of yours and...well.. I just can't imagine! You are amazing. I really hope everything will work out as you hope sooner rather than later. Many hugs to you. Please look after yourself too. Xx Eta correcting phone typos. Edited April 29, 2017 by Isabella 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moonhawk Posted April 29, 2017 Share Posted April 29, 2017 Well, he just left to go sign a lease on an apartment. So, that's that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snowbeltmom Posted April 29, 2017 Share Posted April 29, 2017 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mergath Posted April 29, 2017 Share Posted April 29, 2017 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 29, 2017 Share Posted April 29, 2017 I won't even pretend to imagine the emotions you must be going through at the moment. Only reading along I feel relief and sadness for you simultaneously. I will be praying for you and your whole family, for continued strength (you've already shown so much) and hopefully some type of peaceful resolution. Hugs to you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted April 29, 2017 Share Posted April 29, 2017 Was the legal appointment helpful yesterday? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted April 29, 2017 Share Posted April 29, 2017 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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