I hate making adult decisions (moving related)

[lovinmyboys]

My Dh is currently doing a temporary assignment in Germany. The job is going to become permanent and he can have it if he wants. We are in Germany right now and we have been liking it for the most part. Dh is wanting to accept the position and move here. I think it would be good for my younger two kids, but my older two (ages 9 and 10) don't want to move here. They both love baseball, which is pretty non existent here. My little two would be in kinder and first next year, so they would be ok going to German school. I have heard that it is really hard at my older kids ages. German schools don't really make accommodations and they are at the age where they start tracking kids.

 

The other option is Dh could take a job in DC. Everyone thinks he is crazy if he turns down Germany. I just don't know what to do. It is impossible to make everyone in my family happy with the decision. Of course, ds10 doesn't want to move at all. I don't blame him- he has good friends and is really involved where we live. Plus, he loves our extended family. We are about 8 hours drive from them so we usually see them about 3 times a year-DC would be a flight away. We could stay where we live, but there is no opportunity for Dh to move up there.

 

I am just no good at making decisions.

[JFSinIL]

Which is better for your husband's career?  He has a long time still to work, and turning down this position may have negative consequences.  I think the older kids can adapt.  He should take the job in Germany.  His career needs (which support the entire family) outrank baseball.

 

Just my thoughts.

[lovinmyboys]

D.C. and Germany are equally good for dh's career. It seems silly to even put baseball into the decision making process. My ds10 is just so sweet and I hate to take away his favorite thing.

[Happy]

For us, a move to Germany would be a no brainer, no matter what the ages of the kiddoes. Perhaps you can find an international school for the olders so they don't have to learn in German.  Or find a tutor to help them keep up in German. Connect with some military families to find baseball teams they can try out for.

 

The culture and travel opportunities are life changing. Yep, it's a transition, but all in all I would not trade our scant 2 years in Belgium for anything!

[regentrude]

To me, giving my kids the opportunity to live in another country and become bilingual would outweigh sports.

Plus, they would even learn a third language to fluency since foreign language instruction begins in elementary and lasts through high school.

 

ETA: There are schools that do not track. Also, tracking is not irreversible; there are opportunities to cross tracks. Lastly, for students completing the non college track school, it is always possible to complete an extra program and receive the college readiness certificate. One can even do that in self study by examination.

 

 

We moved overseas for DH's work.

Edited March 13, 2017 by regentrude

[Selkie]

D.C. and Germany are equally good for dh's career. It seems silly to even put baseball into the decision making process. My ds10 is just so sweet and I hate to take away his favorite thing.

 

I don't think you're being silly at all if baseball is very important to him and something that would be difficult for him to give up.

 

How often would you get to see your extended family if you stay in Germany? I think if you are fortunate enough to have decent family, it is important to keep your kids connected with them as much as possible - so I would weigh that pretty heavily when making a decision.

 

Good luck with whatever you choose to do!

[Guest]

Could you homeschool the older two if you stay in Germany and you're worried about school? 

 

So much would have to go into this decision for me. Taxes, salary, retirement..... it seems all of that would be dependent upon which job. Those factors would be a big part of my decision. The family distance would be HUGE for us. 

 

Also on the one hand, your husband has a long time left to work, so you want him to be happy. On the other hand, your husband has a long time to work and if he's working for a corporation you have no idea what tomorrow will bring, so doing something you don't want to do for a career is usually not worth it. The corporation certainly isn't going to put you above themselves, and you shouldn't do the same either. Call us pessimistic, but we always picture what position we will be left in if a certain job doesn't work out. If he loses his job in Germany, will the package you get to relocate there now make it worth it when you're moving back? Those are all questions I would ask. 

[lovinmyboys]

To me, giving my kids the opportunity to live in another country and become bilingual would outweigh sports.

Plus, they would even learn a third language to fluency since foreign language instruction begins in elementary and lasts through high school.

 

ETA: There are schools that do not track. Also, tracking is not irreversible; there are opportunities to cross tracks. Lastly, for students completing the non college track school, it is always possible to complete an extra program and receive the college readiness certificate. One can even do that in self study by examination.

 

 

We moved overseas for DH's work.

You are right. Really, it is a no brainer for my 3 youngest. My little two are starting in first and kinder they should be able to pick up the language quickly. I have been told my 9yr old could repeat a year to give him an extra year of elementary. It's just my 10yr old. From what I have heard, gymnasium is almost impossible even with private tutoring in German. But I am sure real schule (I think that is the second track) would be fine and he will hopefully learn German quickly.

 

It has been a goal of mine to have my kids become fluent in another language. Now that the opportunity is here, I am hesitant for some reason. I am really close to my family, and moving even farther away from them is hard. While I think learning german would be good for me, it seems overwhelming. And, like every other parent, I don't like making my child sad. Although, Dh says ds10 will get over it (and I am sure he is right).

[JFSinIL]

If the main breadwinner  thinks it is best to take the position in Germany, then that is what needs to happen.

[mommyoffive]

I would stay.

[xixstar]

We make choices for our family, we don't ask the kids for input on major life decisions. It may sound harsh but it's just how it works in our family. We would look at the benefits and drawbacks for our family and work goals and evaluate it based on that.

[regentrude]

You are right. Really, it is a no brainer for my 3 youngest. My little two are starting in first and kinder they should be able to pick up the language quickly. I have been told my 9yr old could repeat a year to give him an extra year of elementary. It's just my 10yr old. From what I have heard, gymnasium is almost impossible even with private tutoring in German. But I am sure real schule (I think that is the second track) would be fine and he will hopefully learn German quickly.

 

It has been a goal of mine to have my kids become fluent in another language. Now that the opportunity is here, I am hesitant for some reason. I am really close to my family, and moving even farther away from them is hard. While I think learning german would be good for me, it seems overwhelming. And, like every other parent, I don't like making my child sad. Although, Dh says ds10 will get over it (and I am sure he is right).

 

Moving away from family IS hard. I did not find it easy at all!

You'll learn German just fine. There are plenty of classes offered for learners, often low cost or free, and being immersed in a culture makes learning so much easier. And you'll always have English as a backup in case you are not understood ;) 

[QueenCat]

Living overseas for a few years will do wonders for your kids later on in life. They will appreciate it later even if they don't know.

[wintermom]

I'd put children's sports further down on the priority list than many things, but it is certainly something to consider.  With that in mind, I would see if there is a baseball program for children where you'd potentially move in Germany. If there are a lot of other international families, you might be pleasantly surprised.

 

Also, there may be a local sport that is similar to baseball that your ds could play. For example, in Finland there is a sport very much like baseball but you run the bases in the opposite direction. I had never heard of this sport, but it was very popular there. 

Edited March 13, 2017 by wintermom

[EmseB]

Could you homeschool the older two if you stay in Germany and you're worried about school?

I'm pretty sure homeschooling is illegal in Germany, but I'm not sure how it would work for the OP. I know if you're military you can still homeschool if stationed there, but that's temporary.

Edited March 13, 2017 by EmseB

[kroe1]

We are with our children for a short time in our lives. We are with our husbands for 50 years. Go with your husband and get a German tutor for the older kids.

[Ali in OR]

Most kids doing baseball at age 10 are not still playing in high school. I would not factor that into the decision. I do look at the trends in the U.S. with healthcare and other issues and think maybe in 10-20 years getting jobs in countries with affordable healthcare for all will be highly desirable. You may be opening doors for your kids that they will appreciate down the road.

Edited March 13, 2017 by Ali in OR

[Catwoman]

I don't think you're being silly at all if baseball is very important to him and something that would be difficult for him to give up.

 

How often would you get to see your extended family if you stay in Germany? I think if you are fortunate enough to have decent family, it is important to keep your kids connected with them as much as possible - so I would weigh that pretty heavily when making a decision.

 

Good luck with whatever you choose to do!

:iagree:

 

If the D.C. position offers your dh the same career opportunities as the job I need Germany, your older ds would be happier there, and it would be easier to visit family from there, I would definitely choose the D.C. job.

 

I'm surprised to hear that others don't consider their children's opinions when making such a life-changing family decision. Is your dh okay with it when your ds10 says he will be miserable in Germany? My dh would turn down any opportunity if it meant our ds would be unhappy as a result, and in your case, it doesn't seem like it will hurt your dh's career to stay in the United States.

 

I don't know that living internationally will necessarily be the huge benefit to your children that others believe it will be. Your two youngest kids may not even remember much about it when they get older unless you live in Germany for several years, and your oldest son doesn't want to go at all. I don't know how your 9yo feels about it. Also, do you really care if your kids become fluent in German? Do you have German-speaking relatives or do you plan to live in Germany for many years? I guess what I'm asking is if your kids will ever speak German again once you move back to the US in a few years. If they won't, I wouldn't make learning that language a deciding factor in the decision.

 

If you said that your dh had the choice of taking the job in Germany or being unemployed, I'd say he should take the job, but if he has an option that would make the whole family happy (including your extended family, because you could still visit them,) I wouldn't choose the overseas position.

Edited March 13, 2017 by Catwoman

[Lawyer&Mom]

I think the opportunity to learn a foreign language has real benefits regardless of whether you use the language in the future. But German is also a great language. Germany has a fantastic book culture. Their children's non-fiction books are wonderful. You will be able to watch German TV online when you move back, so there are options to keep the language alive when you come home. D.C. also has interesting opportunities but I'd choose to live abroad.

[Learning fun]

If I were in your shoes I would take a few deep breaths, try and calm any busy or frantic thoughts, and then try with my husband to decided what would be best for your family as a whole. Maybe that's an adventure in Germany, or maybe not. You will have growing pains no matter what you choose-that's just life. There's a reason why your concerned about your oldest, and it's not silly or trite to take that seriously. Your children's welfare should be a big factor in future plans IMHO. These thing are hard, because minus a crystal ball anything you choose is an educated, well thought out, guess as to what would be best.

 

ETA- typos

Edited March 13, 2017 by Learning fun

[Luckymama]

The D.C. area has a very high cost of living. Would the D.C. job's pay take that into consideration?

[JFSinIL]

I do not think a 10-year-old has the maturity to see the big picture of the benefits that will accrue from living in Germany. Baseball will still be there when he is old enough to move back to the States for college.

[Catwoman]

We are with our children for a short time in our lives. We are with our husbands for 50 years. Go with your husband and get a German tutor for the older kids.

You said that we only have our children living with us for a relatively short number of years, so I would think it would be that much more important to want them to be happy, particularly in this case when the OP will be with her husband either way, but her oldest son will be much happier in DC.

 

Why should the kids get the short end of the stick?

[Annie G]

I'm not saying not to listen to the 10 year old's thoughts, but I wouldn't let him be THE deciding factor. He's not old enough to understand the opportunities he'd have in Germany.   It would be nice for everyone to be on board but like most decisions you just have to go with what's best for the majority of the family members. 

[Arcadia]

My friend worked in Germany for a few years and his family liked it there. His kids want to go back there but Germany apparently hires their citizens first so he hasn't been able to get another expat job there. His kids are trilingual anyway. Some of the German expats here managed to get jobs back in Germany and moved home. So it really depends how much your husband wants this longer Germany work experience because another opportunity may be hard to come by.

[Catwoman]

I'm honestly not trying to be snarky, but people are talking about all of the wonderful opportunities the kids will miss if they don't move to Germany, and I'm not sure I agree that it will be all that earthshaking for them, particularly the younger ones who may not even remember it when they get older. There are plenty of advantages to living in the D.C. area, as well, not the least of which is the chance to still be able to visit the OP's extended family.

 

I'm not saying that moving to Germany is a bad thing, but I knew a few families who moved overseas temporarily when I was a kid, and the kids were so happy to move back to the United States, so I guess I just don't want the OP to think it's always a wonderful experience for the children, particularly since in their case, they are already living in Germany and the older two don't want to move there long-term.

 

I'm sure the OP will make the best decision for her family, though. I think it's wonderful that she is so concerned about her children's happiness.

Edited March 14, 2017 by Catwoman

[Janeway]

This is really going to come down to personal preferences. I would not want to live in either area, but if forced to choose between the two, I would never live in Germany. But it sounds like you are from that general area so you are fine with it.

[Lecka]

I think be realistic about how much it will cost for 6 international airfare tickets. Will it be peak season too if you go in summer?

 

Summer is gorgeous, will you want to miss the beautiful time of year there to fly to the US?

 

Will you want to spend your travel budget on the US and not trips to France or Czech Republic that would be easy trips from Germany?

 

Would your relatives be able to come and visit you there instead of you visiting them?

 

These are major factors for me. I have been in Germany while my husband was stationed there. It is hard to be so far from family, and it is expensive. It is also hard to me to be an extended guest with kids when people don't really have the extra room for a longer stay, but a shorter trip doesn't seem worthwhile with the jet lag.

 

I liked Germany and it is not that I regret it, but I wouldn't go back, either.

 

Also I think look at prices of int'l schools if that is a possibility for your oldest.

 

And for baseball on a military base, I doubt they would let him play with no connection to the military. I don't know that, but I think you would need to be able to register through CYS (something youth services). So I don't know that, I am just saying, don't count on it.

 

Another thing is you need to consider that a later move back to the US may be a big deal for your little kids. They may not remember a lot about the US and may be very used to their schools in Germany.

 

When we lived in Germany people loved children, there was not that attitude like kids are an imposition. The swimming pools are neat, and we lived near a really cool "wild park" one place. It was partly a zoo and partly a really cool playground.

 

When we were there we didn't have a lot of money and I shopped almost exclusively on post to avoid the VAT. The exchange rate was not good while we were there.

 

Gasoline is more expensive (and sold in liters I think). They also had a rule about how old your car could be. I want to say 8 years? So it made cars seem more expensive... though I think used cars have gotten more expensive here, too. I could have misunderstood that about the cars -- I misunderstood a lot of things there.

 

If we had had more money then things like plane tickets and buying gas etc would have all been less of an issue.

 

We did take the train also. Depending where you live you might not even have a car and that might all be a non-issue.

 

I would really hope you would be going somewhere that had other expatriates around, I think it would be easier on your older son. He has a risk of being isolated in some ways that I don't think your younger kids do.

 

I also think that the age of teens going into dance clubs would be a consideration for me. Not high on my list, but it would be part of my mental image of my kids' teen years I think.

 

Also where we were they didn't have "traditional American things" like school dances or school-affiliated sports. Some kids would miss that while others wouldn't care.

 

I think the age to drive is 18. Again, some kids mind, some kids don't care, some kids aren't even living a car-centric lifestyle.

 

There are a lot of things like that that I think seem minor but can be what people miss at times.

 

A lot would depend on how often, realistically, relatives would be seen.

 

If you can have visitors in the summers, that could be perfect. But there are a lot of trade-offs with choosing to visit the US in the summer instead of traveling in Europe, and paying for tickets.

 

When we were there on a 3-year tour, many people didn't visit the US at all, or visited the US all summer every summer.

 

It worked out for us, but in general I would not be on the same page with my husband. I would want to spend money on int'l tickets and my husband would want to spend money to travel in Germany or Europe.

 

We are a family of 5 now and it would be a big expense.

 

If it would be something you could easily afford and still afford to travel locally, then that would be ideal.

[Lanny]

I would include in the things you consider the TAX ramifications involved. I am assuming (and I try not to assume) that your DH may be an employee of the U.S. Government, or, a Government Contractor.  If he is a U.S. Government Employee, I am virtually positive he will need to pay U.S. Income Tax.  If he is an employee of a Contractor, possibly he will qualify for the Earned Income Exclusion for bona fide Overseas Americans, once he meets the requirements (time in country, etc.). But, employees of Government Contractors may also need to pay U.S. Income Tax on Overseas income. I'm not sure about that.  You need to check and verify.

 

The tax implications would require that you have an experienced Accountant who works with other Americans who work in Germany. There may be a Treaty between the USA and Germany, to prevent double taxation.

 

If his employer wants him to take that position, and he turns it down, that could be used against him. If they are simply saying, "we are going to make this position permanent, would you like to have it?" and he turns it down that's probably OK.  Depending on who he works for, having worked Overseas could be a big plus on his resume, in future years.  

 

Question: Would the work your DH would be doing, and his responsibilities, be the same, in either location, or is one location a more responsible position? The more responsible position would look better on his resume.

 

You are currently in Germany, so if you are in the specific location where the position is located, you have an excellent idea of the conditions, at work and with regard to your living conditions.

 

Would your DC qualify for DoD schools?  If not, there are a few U.S. accredited schools here in Colombia (my DD attended one when she was very young, until our income was severely reduced) and I must assume there are some in Germany too.  

[bettyandbob]

Long-term the benefits of living in a foreign country and becoming fluent in foreign language would outweigh raising my kids in Washington DC area. There be so much more to experience and learn than baseball.

 

I know a family that moved to Germany and put theirs kids in German schools at 15, 12, 10, 7, and 4. The older ones are in gymnasium. They've been very happy with the choice. They previously homeschooled.

[J-rap]

I would have absolutely loved to give my kids the opportunity to live in another country for a year or two.  And, kids don't know what they don't know.  They have no idea what opportunities they might have, really, only what they won't have anymore.  So, you really can't base your decision on baseball.  (Even though I totally understand your concerns!)  If it were me, I'd choose Germany, but I'd certainly work hard to find activities for my kids.  Can you introduce them to soccer and give them some private instruction in it for awhile?

 

 

[Guest]

How do you feel about the political situation over there at the moment? That would play into it for me as well. They definitely don't have the freedom level there we do here- much more regulation on so many fronts. It's a massive change. I think you both have a ton of soul searching to do. This isn't just "oh fun adventure," if you're talking about something being long term assignment with no definitive end.

[Alicia64]

I think it's totally admirable that you're thinking about the kids.  Just one quick thought: they don't legally allow homeschooling Germany, right? I haven't read all of the responses so if this has been discussed, never mind.

 

Alley

[madteaparty]

I don't think the kids get a say.

[Catwoman]

I don't think the kids get a say.

Why not? Why wouldn't parents want to consider their children's opinions and feelings?

 

We would never make a major move if our ds wasn't totally onboard with it. He is an equal part of our family and his feelings are as important as my feelings and my dh's, and his happiness is our main priority, particularly when it's a huge change like a move to a new place.

[Tree Frog]

:iagree:

 

If the D.C. position offers your dh the same career opportunities as the job I need Germany, your older ds would be happier there, and it would be easier to visit family from there, I would definitely choose the D.C. job.

 

I'm surprised to hear that others don't consider their children's opinions when making such a life-changing family decision. Is your dh okay with it when your ds10 says he will be miserable in Germany? My dh would turn down any opportunity if it meant our ds would be unhappy as a result, and in your case, it doesn't seem like it will hurt your dh's career to stay in the United States.

 

I don't know that living internationally will necessarily be the huge benefit to your children that others believe it will be. Your two youngest kids may not even remember much about it when they get older unless you live in Germany for several years, and your oldest son doesn't want to go at all. I don't know how your 9yo feels about it. Also, do you really care if your kids become fluent in German? Do you have German-speaking relatives or do you plan to live in Germany for many years? I guess what I'm asking is if your kids will ever speak German again once you move back to the US in a few years. If they won't, I wouldn't make learning that language a deciding factor in the decision.

 

If you said that your dh had the choice of taking the job in Germany or being unemployed, I'd say he should take the job, but if he has an option that would make the whole family happy (including your extended family, because you could still visit them,) I wouldn't choose the overseas position.

 

Regarding the bolded, in our case, we took into consideration what the kids felt, but made decisions based on the entire family. Most (all?) 10 year olds don't have the long view of things that a parent would.

 

There's value in learning another language even if it's infrequently used as an adult.

[LucyStoner]

Why not? Why wouldn't parents want to consider their children's opinions and feelings?

 

We would never make a major move if our ds wasn't totally onboard with it. He is an equal part of our family and his feelings are as important as my feelings and my dh's, and his happiness is our main priority, particularly when it's a huge change like a move to a new place.

 

 

I think the math is a little more straightforward when you have one child.

 

The OP has four kids and is trying to balance the needs and preferences of four children and not just the ten-year-old.  

 

I have recently found several situations where what is best for one of my sons may not be what is best for my other son.  Where we live right now is unquestionably the best place for us to remain for our younger son.  But staying here means our older son would have a killer commute to high school.  I vacillate daily on whose needs will prevail and that's just moving across our county, not out of the country. :laugh:  

 

I agree with you that kids' needs matter but it's not as simple as being able to make the best decision based primarily on the needs and wants of one child when that child is one of four in the family and one of 6 people in the family.  

[Catwoman]

Regarding the bolded, in our case, we took into consideration what the kids felt, but made decisions based on the entire family. Most (all?) 10 year olds don't have the long view of things that a parent would.

 

There's value in learning another language even if it's infrequently used as an adult.

The long view isn't necessarily what matters. The family has already been living in Germany and the two older kids do not want to move there long term. They gave it a try. They don't like it. That would be good enough for my dh and I to decide against taking the permanent job there, particularly when the OP's dh has another opportunity with the company in the US.

[Catwoman]

I think the math is a little more straightforward when you have one child.

 

The OP has four kids and is trying to balance the needs and preferences of four children and not just the ten-year-old.

 

I have recently found several situations where what is best for one of my sons may not be what is best for my other son. Where we live right now is unquestionably the best place for us to remain for our younger son. But staying here means our older son would have a killer commute to high school. I vacillate daily on whose needs will prevail and that's just moving across our county, not out of the country. :laugh:

 

I agree with you that kids' needs matter but it's not as simple as being able to make the best decision based primarily on the needs and wants of one child when that child is one of four in the family and one of 6 people in the family.

Two of the four kids have said that they don't want to live in Germany any more, and they are the two older kids of the four children, so they will probably be the two who are most affected by the decision. The dh will have equal career opportunities in either location, and the OP said that she will miss the chance to see her extended family if they stay in Germany, so I'm not seeing a tremendously strong argument for remaining there.

Edited March 14, 2017 by Catwoman

[LucyStoner]

Would there be baseball at an American school?  

[EmseB]

The long view isn't necessarily what matters. The family has already been living in Germany and the two older kids do not want to move there long term. They gave it a try. They don't like it. That would be good enough for my dh and I to decide against taking the permanent job there, particularly when the OP's dh has another opportunity with the company in the US.

 

I don't understand the long view doesn't matter, but the kids not wanting to do something does matter. Kids don't want to do a lot of things. They "don't like" a lot of things.

 

I mean, easy for me to say since we move every 3 years and none of us really get a say, but, no, my kids not liking something in the face of a myriad of other factors would not be the deciding factor in where my DH works.

 

And I have lived a few places where, when told we were going to move there, I thought I would hate it.  I knew I would be miserable.  And in one of those cases I was moving back to somewhere I didn't really want to live again.  I knew what it was like, I knew I would hate it.  And it turns out it was one of my favorite tours we've ever had.  So even I, as an adult, being very certain I didn't want to do something, did it and was glad I did.  And I got a really good lesson in a lot of things when that happened.

 

I'm not saying the OP should move to Germany or not, but making the decision based on what a kid thinks (or is positively certain) they won't like and don't want to do seems indulgent.

[LucyStoner]

Two of the four kids have said that they don't want to live in Germany any more, and they are the two older kids of the four children, so they will probably be the two who are most affected by the decision. The dh will have equal career opportunities in either location, and the OP said that she will miss the chance to see her extended family if they stay in Germany, so I'm not seeing a tremendously strong argument for remaining there.

 

Yes, and when we moved to where we are now, my then 10-year-old thought he was going to die.  Kids will usually adjust and adapt.  

The D.C. option is a flight to see family and staying where they are/were and can see them several times a year is apparently not feasible.  

 

I think the opportunity to become bi-or-tri lingual and live in another country isn't one to sneeze at in the long run.  There are other sports besides baseball that kids can enjoy.  Pairing that with the preference of the person who is taking the job, I think there's a reasonable case to be made for moving.  

 

I can also see a decent case for D.C. that goes beyond the transitory preferences of two children.  

Edited March 14, 2017 by LucyStoner

[Frances]

How do you feel about the political situation over there at the moment? That would play into it for me as well. They definitely don't have the freedom level there we do here- much more regulation on so many fronts. It's a massive change. I think you both have a ton of soul searching to do. This isn't just "oh fun adventure," if you're talking about something being long term assignment with no definitive end.

I'm curious what changes and regulations you are referring to. My son currently lives in Germany, and I haven't heard anything from him about a lack of freedoms.

[EmseB]

Yes, and when we moved to where we are now, my then 10-year-old thought he was going to die.  Kids will usually adjust and adapt.  

We moved before my junior year in high school.  Oh my goodness, I need to call my mom and apologize right now. I put her through a lot of crap because she took an amazing job opportunity.  I mean when you ruin a teenage girl's life, she lets you know about it.

[maize]

Would the Germany option be long term or could it be just for a couple of years?

 

While I don't think there is an obviously best answer either way, if it is not necessarily long term I think you would be OK to move--even if things are stressful for your older kids almost anything can be OK for a year or two.

 

My family country hopped frequently starting when I was 9 years old; some situations worked out better for me than others. There were some great experiences and opportunities along the way, and some incredibly difficult and stressful situations. Being able to move on was a real life saver at times.

Edited March 14, 2017 by maize

[Guest]

I'm curious what changes and regulations you are referring to. My son currently lives in Germany, and I haven't heard anything from him about a lack of freedoms.

 

Not being able to homeschool you child is a huge one to begin with as a couple of people have pointed out, and the overall regulations of the EU in general, taxation and otherwise are stricter than in the U.S. I don't think there's much of an argument about that. There are more rules on libel, speech and other things. Perhaps not in comparison to other countries, but in comparison to the U.S., yes, it's pretty different. I'm not saying they aren't free, but compared to the U.S., it's different. I know a lot of people love it there though, so it's going to depend a lot upon what sets off a particular bee in one's bonnet.

 

It's not like changing states here in the US, and some people are making it sound a bit like it is. It's a completely different country with a completely different governmental philosophy, rules, school system, taxes etc. among other things. 

[ondreeuh]

We are waiting to find out if my dh will be offered a job in Europe. My kids want to keep homeschooling, so we would plan to do that. If you aren't covered under SOFA, then you couldn't legally homeschool in Germany. However, Clonlara has a German school, so I think you could enroll there and privately educate if you want (pretty darn close to homeschooling in practice).

 

Dh and I are really hoping we can move to Europe - the kids much less so. But they don't know what they would be gaining, so we don't give their opinions too much weight. We would probably not come back to the US much, but would host people who want to visit us.

 

 

[Catwoman]

I don't understand the long view doesn't matter, but the kids not wanting to do something does matter. Kids don't want to do a lot of things. They "don't like" a lot of things.

 

I mean, easy for me to say since we move every 3 years and none of us really get a say, but, no, my kids not liking something in the face of a myriad of other factors would not be the deciding factor in where my DH works.

 

And I have lived a few places where, when told we were going to move there, I thought I would hate it. I knew I would be miserable. And in one of those cases I was moving back to somewhere I didn't really want to live again. I knew what it was like, I knew I would hate it. And it turns out it was one of my favorite tours we've ever had. So even I, as an adult, being very certain I didn't want to do something, did it and was glad I did. And I got a really good lesson in a lot of things when that happened.

 

I'm not saying the OP should move to Germany or not, but making the decision based on what a kid thinks (or is positively certain) they won't like and don't want to do seems indulgent.

I don't see anything wrong with being indulgent when it comes to a major life decision that will affect the entire family for years to come.

 

In our family, if we don't all agree on something big -- like moving -- it doesn't happen.

 

Other families can do things any way they would like, but we prefer to consider everyone's feelings equally.

[Anne]

I have nieces who wound up spending much of their growing up years in Europe - overall, it was a great experience for them, even for the ones who didn't want to go at first.

 

Also, I remember telling my children we were taking a trip overseas when one of them was about 10 - she did NOT want to go! Didn't want to leave her friends, her activities, etc.

 

She had a fabulous time and loves to travel as an adult.

 

I don't advocate discounting a child's feelings - but realize that they don't always have the maturity and life experience to see beyond an immediate disadvantage. I would never let a 10 yo's feelings govern a family decision, although I would certainly listen and consider.

 

Anne

[Amira]

I love living in DC, and I'd love to live in Germany. Both sound like great opportunities as long as each of them have decent pay and benefits. DC currently has the highest COL in the US (but that's because of childcare, so if you don't need that, then it's not quite as bad). For either option, the specific location matters a lot. Germany is a big place.

 

I regret that we haven't been able to accommodate our kids' wishes very much as we've been moving around. But it seems to me that you could find or make opportunities to play baseball in some parts of Germany. There's also the possibility of finding another sport that's more available in Germany especially if you'd be there for a long time. My boys have done a wide range of sports depending on where we live and we've found other interesting opportunities too.

 

I have a friend who recently moved to Amsterdam and put her always homeschooled children into the local schools at around ages 8 and 10. They've done very well and her now 12yo is at grade level in Dutch and ready to continue on in Dutch schools. Ten is a hard time to put kids in school in many European countries, but there's a lot of support for non-native speakers and I think it's very doable especially if they'd go through the entire system there. Or you might put the youngers in local schools and send the oldest to an international school. Also, most of my friends who have moved to Western Europe have been able to find unique schools that match their kids perfectly. There are lots of good options and finding the right schooling option will make a huge difference in their experience.

 

I don't think you're wrong at all for being conflicted. It's a big decision to move overseas and will affect everyone in the family differently. For some it could be great. For others, not so much. That's the same with DC too.