Thanksgiving Seating Dilemma

[theelfqueen]

Spouse and I disagree on this:

 

We are expecting 24 people for Thanksgiving. We have tables and chairs to seat 19.

 

One spouse feels it is important that all Thanksgiving guests be able to sit down for Thanksgiving Dinner at the same time. This spouse is concerned about coming up with seating and table space for all guests.

 

Other spouse feels it is acceptable for guest to "eat in shifts" -- making use of existing seating and taking turns sitting at the tables.

 

So, is eating in shifts at Thanksgiving a normal and accepted practice in some families? Is sitting down all at the same time important or not important to you/your family?

 

Generally we do NOT allow anyone adult or child to eat on couches/upholstered furniture in our home (or areas outside of the main floor). Concerns about this happening if there is 'shift seating'?

 

[zoobie]

I wouldn't expect people to take turns eating. I'd borrow a table, buy a cheap one, or let kids have a coffee table picnic or something.

[Loowit]

I think eating in shifts would be odd and lead to some people getting cold food and feeling rushed.  I suppose if you did children first and then adults it might be okay, but still might be awkward.  My family just borrows tables or has extra card tables that they use.  This is one reason I didn't want to invite all of DH's family over the Thanksgiving, we just don't have the space.

[regentrude]

I would not expect my guests to eat in shifts , nor would I expect to be made to eat in shifts when I am the guest. Frankly, I find this suggestion bizarre, and not very welcoming.

 

I have been to, and hosted, parties where there was not enough seating for all guests to sit simultaneously. They still all get to eat at the same time - some standing up, some seated at table, some on emergency seating.

 

I see the following options:

borrow another table and chairs

relax your rules about eating on the couch (while I did not let my kids eat anywhere but the dining table, I would find this a very odd thing to require from adult guests.)

serve foods that can be eaten standing up

or invite fewer people

 

ETA: In a pinch, spread a picnic blanket on the floor. I would rather eat on the floor feeling part of company than being assigned a shift and made to either wait and watch people eat or made to finish quickly so I could vacate my seat for the next seating. I cannot imagine this contributing to a nice welcoming atmosphere.

 

 

Edited November 14, 2016 by regentrude

[bettyandbob]

Do you have benches you can use instead of chairs. When we do Thanksgiving together, my neighbor pulls her chairs out we bring benches from my house. You can seat at least one more person in bench space than you can in chairs.

[theelfqueen]

Youngest children are 12. Outdoor seating is unfortunately not a reliable option -- weather forecast calls for rain.

 

[TABmom]

We eat on the couches and the floor. Smaller tables are set up for little kids.

[Lawana]

I would not do shifts. I can't see how it wouldn't be awkward. We have our own seating issue, at least in my mind. Dining room table seats 8 and kitchen table seats up to 6. We generally have 11, so need to use both tables. There is no way to make the kitchen people feel like the cool kids in the dining room. Last year I ate in the kitchen and that made me feel better lol.

 

In your case I would try my best to make seating for all at the same time. The only exception would be if you are quite casual and don't have a sit down expectation.

[marbel]

Eating in shifts?  Can't imagine how that would work or how people wouldn't feel awkward.  I'd have two separate dinners, on different days, each with a manageable guest list, before I'd do that. 

 

When I have a larger group than my table can hold, we eat in the living room.  I have tray tables and folding chairs I scatter around.  The coffee table, my desk, even a bookcase are all  used to set things on.  It works.  

 

ETA: Hadn't noticed the bit about eating on couch, etc not allowed.  Cut your guest list.  Not being snarky - that's the only thing I can think of.

Edited November 14, 2016 by marbel

[Guest]

I'd just sit on the floor or lean against a countertop to eat, probably with some other adults I was chatting with. Or I'd buy a few more folding chairs and a card table.

[hornblower]

No, the eating in shifts is not acceptable in a social grouping like this. 

rent tables & chairs or relax rules & let people spill out all over the living room. 

[Seasider]

I wouldn't expect people to take turns eating. I'd borrow a table, buy a cheap one, or let kids have a coffee table picnic or something.

No shift eating. I don't know if you use tablecloths or what, but I wouldn't want any of my guests to have to sit down at a "used" place with crumbs and spills.

[theelfqueen]

Can i just vent that this whole thing makes me insane? I do not cope well with people in my kitchen ... and all those people in my house make me want to be sick.. even if all of them are family.

We normally don't even participate in Thanksgiving. Let alone host all these people. This is all DHs idea and fault. There is no way at all we can "limit the guest list".

 

That's with a table in the living room, a table in the dining room, and a table on the school room. 6, 6 and 7... we don't have coffee tables or other surfaces. It's a full house.

We own two six foot folding tables and eight folding chairs. Buying more would be expensive plus where would I store them?? Four office chairs are being pressed into service. This is already a lot and no one seems to have something to borrow.

(I am the spouse trying desperately to come up with seating... DH is the one who is unconcerned about having enough seats)
 

Yeah... see if I "holiday" again for five years.

 

Edited November 14, 2016 by theelfqueen

[gardenmom5]

we hosted thanksgiving every year for 25 years.  I would never do shifts. that is inconceivable to me, and if I attended a dinner like that I would feel very hurt.  I have hosted as many as 30 people, everyone had a seat.

 

I don't have a problem doing a kids table if they are younger.  (I did sell my fabulous kids craft table that could seat six little kids)

 

dh got two sheets of plywood (each is cut in three sections of different sizes for flexibility for length), so we could do as much as a 16' long table. he rounded the corners, used washers on the bottom at the ends so when he shoved them together they would lay flat.  the tables** we have were used as a base and they were laid on top.  I bought table padding at the fabric store and would lay that on top, with cheap banquet tablecloths.    (all this made sense as we were hosting every year.)

 

** my dining table will seat 10, and dh has an extensil table (seats 6?-8?) that belonged to his father.  we stretch them out with their own pads - then place the plywood on top.  there can be gaps between the tables to get enough length since they are no the top.   it's also handy having a 4' wide table for thanksgiving.

 

 

eta: BORROW folding chairs or tables.  call around and see if any other family members or friends have some available.  your church maybe?

Edited November 14, 2016 by gardenmom5

[Lady Marmalade]

No, shift eating for a holiday is not okay.  

 

But do you have children attending?  Put a blanket on the floor in one of the rooms and let them picnic their holiday meal.   

 

Anyone in the home do woodworking?   A pair of sawhorses with a board thrown on them makes a great impromptu table.

 

Look on your local craigslist/varage sale/FB rummage page and see what tables/chairs/other out of the box eating surfaces people are trying to get rid of and make do.  Re-sell after the holiday.

[hornblower]

rentals will save the day. We've rented tables, chairs & tablecloths before. It isn't that expensive. Depending on room set up's, we've gone out through doorways, into halls, in L shapes etc. And for your own sanity, prep everything ahead of time. Set tables, arrange drinks and appetizers ahead of time, cook everything ahead of time & just spend the last hour before reheating things & keeping them warm in the oven or on heated trays.

I'm with you in that I hate hosting these things. I can get people in, fed & out the door in well under 3h.  That's pretty much my limit for having the house invaded LOL. I know that sounds awful but honestly, the whole time I'm pretty much just counting down the time till people leave....

[jewellsmommy]

You only need seating for 5 more. The options that make most sense to me:

 

1. Cover your couch/upholstered furniture (or don't cover but allow adults only to sit here)

2. Put the word out that you need a folding table and 5 chairs among your guests (You never know what they may have stashed unless you try)

3. Buy 5 chairs that can be scattered around with or without tv tables/trays

 

 

ETA: Are you a member of a church or other organization that could lend you chairs? We borrow stuff like that from our church often..no fees involved.

 

Like others posted a rental company could be a great option.

 

 

Edited November 14, 2016 by jewellsmommy

[regentrude]

We own two six foot folding tables and eight folding chairs. Buying more would be expensive plus where would I store them??

 

Surely one of your many guests would have a few folding chairs they could bring, or a card table? Or outside furniture you could bring inside? Or borrow from friends/neighbors?

[theelfqueen]

I've asked them all and actually none of them has anything in the way of folding tables/chairs ... and everyone my DH works with, and the women I play bunco with ... and NO DARNED CHAIRS!!!

 

 

I DO appreciate you guys' responses... I'm not trying to shoot down! I was kind of hoping someone would come in and say "Oh yeah it's perfectly normal to eat in shifts, everyone does that! What's wrong with you, lady???" LOL I didn't expect anyone to -- because I think the whole idea is MAD.... but I posted kind of hoping that someone would and I'd be wrong and stressing over nothing LOL

 

Edited November 14, 2016 by theelfqueen

[zoobie]

Can i just vent that this whole thing makes me insane? I do not cope well with people in my kitchen ... and all those people in my house make me want to be sick.. even if all of them are family.

 

We normally don't even participate in Thanksgiving. Let alone host all these people. This is all DHs idea and fault. There is no way at all we can "limit the guest list".

 

That's with a table in the living room, a table in the dining room, and a table on the school room. 6, 6 and 7... we don't have coffee tables or other surfaces. It's a full house.

 

We own two six foot folding tables and eight folding chairs. Buying more would be expensive plus where would I store them?? Four office chairs are being pressed into service. This is already a lot and no one seems to have something to borrow.

 

(I am the spouse trying desperately to come up with seating... DH is the one who is unconcerned about having enough seats)

 

Yeah... see if I "holiday" again for five years.

 

If you run away and stay at a lovely hotel and go to their buffet, your DH only needs to seat an extra 4. ;)

[regentrude]

I've asked them all and actually none of them has anything in the way of folding tables/chairs ... and everyone my DH works with, and the women I play bunco with ... and NO DARNED CHAIRS!!!

 

Can you go and simply buy a few folding lawn chairs?

And nobody has any kind of portable outdoor furniture?

[fairfarmhand]

I wouldn't borrow extra tables and chairs, but I wouldn't sweat people (adults) eating on my couches. I wouldn't want kids to though.

 

I think if you don't have enough tables and chairs you'll deal with people taking plates to the couches and chairs.

[ScoutTN]

If you are serving buffet style and have at least 5 kids eating, that could save your scenario.

 

Most kids eat fast and are off playing again. When my IL's have a huge crowd (25-30), kids go through the line first and are done before the last adults get food, so the places are reset with a clean napkin and tableware for the afults who will sit there. There akways seem to be some adults deep in conversation or watching a football game or full from eating appetizers, who hang around a while before getting their plates.

 

Otherwise, I agree with pp that adults eating while on the sofa is normal for a large dinner party and is really not a big deal. Scotchguard is your friend; so are trays.

Edited November 14, 2016 by ScoutTN

[bettyandbob]

I also wouldn't buy chairs or tables. Do you have neighbors who are going out of town. I'd see about borrowing from them. Even if you are borrowing the benches to an outdoor picnic table. 

 

Are your dc in sports, do you know the person who brings the tables to set up for the bake sale at games or meets--ask them. Or the people who bring some of that stuff to scouts or whatever other club you know. 

[vonfirmath]

You only need seating for 5 more. The options that make most sense to me:

 

1. Cover your couch/upholstered furniture (or don't cover but allow adults only to sit here)

2. Put the word out that you need a folding table and 5 chairs among your guests (You never know what they may have stashed unless you try)

3. Buy 5 chairs that can be scattered around with or without tv tables/trays

 

 

ETA: Are you a member of a church or other organization that could lend you chairs? We borrow stuff like that from our church often..no fees involved.

 

Like others posted a rental company could be a great option.

 

I agree. Ask a couple of guests if they can help out. We do not have enough chairs when my sister's family comes. So they bring chairs and some people eat with plates in their laps/

 

[lanalouwho]

We never have enough seating. But we do allow people to sit on couches or on floors or lean against the counter. Pretty much wherever they can make themselves semi-comfortable.

 

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[Julie Smith]

Could you couver your couch with a blanket? Do you have a guest who would be happy to eat later, or just stand and munch? (For example my Dh has trouble sitting at a full table, he also has trouble staying seated for a long time)

[theelfqueen]

Unfortunately... even if we cover the couch, it isn't a good option because of the proximity of the folding table that will be set up right in front of it.

 

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[JustEm]

At this point I would just let people eat on the couch. No Children though

[FaithManor]

We have other people bring a few folding chairs, and serve it buffet style instead of sit down. Everyone can eat at once, with kids and elders who don't want to hold their food on their laps at the table, and at the little tykes picnic table I bought at a garage sale for the three great nieces who are all six and younger. It works well, but not nearly as formal.

 

I don't like the concept of shift eating. But there is nothing wrong with buffet style and people scattering around to visit and eat.

[Guest]

No shifts. Pull out extra tables, TV trays, put the kids table in the garage, etc.

[Seasider]

Agreeing with Moxie about the garage, if temperature permits.

[marbel]

The youngest kid is twelve?  Are there enough others to take pressure off the seating?   If the "public" living areas are full, a picnic blanket on the floor for the tweens in a bedroom could be fun.  

[QueenCat]

No to shifts. No way. Be more open to a few adults sitting on the couch. They might do it anyways, without asking, if the table looks tight. You surely aren't going to tell them they can't?

[MomatHWTK]

If none of the guests have extra chairs to bring-- Seat your guests, mention nothing about a lack of seating. You and your family make yourselves busy when everyone else is eating or eat standing up. Have a snack before everyone gets there so you aren't hungry. 

[ashfern]

We're having 22 this year and only room for about 18 and that's with a 3rd table and every folding & office chair in the house. I'll probably bring in the kid's picnic table for the 3 youngest to sit at. We serve buffet style so I will probably just stand. I know that my oldest will do the same. I'm lenient about eating on the couch for this kind of thing. I want to make memories and upholstery can be cleaned if there is a spill.

[SparklyUnicorn]

No I don't like the shift idea.  What we did at my grandmother's house was some people sat at the table.  Some sat in the living room at another table.  Some sat on the couch and chairs.  I know you don't like that idea, but that's the only way we made it work.  

[Cinder]

The only new outside-the-box thought I have is that if you have a nearby set of stairs then maybe a few young people could sit there?

[itsheresomewhere]

Call and see if your party rental place has any chairs for sale. Ours will sell their used no longer shiny and new for 8 a piece(this is for folding ones). Buy a few and either keep them for future use or sell them.

[KrissiK]

I haven't read the replies. We have 30 over for Thanksgiving and beg, borrow, though we do not steal tables and chairs so everyone is seated at the same time. We move furniture around, the school furniture gets relegated to the garage so we can seat everyone. I don't like the "shifts" idea for Thanksgiving Dinner.

Edited November 14, 2016 by KrissiK

[Xahm]

I'd make sure folks who really need a table go through the line first to be sure to get seating and let the last few figure our how perch and munch somewhere. It works if people are comfortable and have a sense of humor. I'd also be trying to make a makeshift bench and table, possible.

[Lady Marmalade]

Ooh, I forgot.  Once upon a time we had a big dinner party with a LOT of kids.  We did not have enough room, so our solution was that we let the teens/older kids eat in the master bedroom.  We covered the bed with a big picnic blanket and they got to watch a movie while they ate since we had a TV set up in there.   Some of the kids sat on the floor, some sat on the bed, all told they had a good time and no one made a gross mess in our bedroom. 

[Plink]

I'd say no to eating in shifts.  That sounds uncomfortable.  What are the "non-eaters" supposed to do while the "eaters" are having their meal?  Stand and watch?  Hide in another room? 

 

You only need 5 more settings.  Isn't there space for a card table?  You can get one delivered for just $65 with 4 chairs - 2 day shipping means it will be here with time to spare.  Then just drag in the piano bench or whatever for the final seat.    

[JFSinIL]

You invited (or had foisted on you) more guests than available seating.  You have to let folks sit on the couch if needed, and use the coffee table or something.  Otherwise run out and rent or buy a card table and four chairs .  You will be so busy running around serving food and heating rolls and filling glasses that you won't need your own seat :-)    But you do need to let folks sit wherever there is room, their need to eat trumps your need to stick to a no food in the living room rule.    I would NOT do shifts. 

Edited November 15, 2016 by JFSinIL

[JFSinIL]

Tell hubby "you wanted more folks over than we can seat - so Thanksgiving is now a COCKTAIL PARTY!!!"  No seats at all!  Everyone gets tiny turkey nibbles etc.   Ok, not realistic......since hubby isn't worried about it, let HIM figure it out.  Oh - could a few of the teens be paid (bribed) to stand and act as waiters, and then eat later?  Save them some best bits...

Edited November 15, 2016 by JFSinIL

[bolt.]

I wouldn't ask the guests if they have 'extra folding chairs' -- I'd tell them (select close members with reasonable vehicles) to simply bring their own chairs. The regular ones that they use for their own meals.

 

Nobody "doesn't have" chairs. They just don't exactly have ones they are thinking of as portable. They are wrong. All chairs are portable. A couple with a normal car can lay two chairs across their back seat. A family with a mini van could easily bring two or three chairs in addition to themselves. Or let them know they can drop them off early (if that's more convenient than bringing them with them at arrival time) or that your DH is able to pick up a round of chairs from five local people after breakfast is over at their place.

 

In my family 'bring your own chairs' is a normal request among insiders. (Even though I've had enough chairs for a few years now, my parents still offer yearly, and I still count to be sure before I say no.)

Edited November 15, 2016 by bolt.

[heartlikealion]

I wouldn't host if I wouldn't allow guests to eat on couches, etc. and didn't have a big enough table. But who has a table to fit that many? So I would see if there's space for a card table/chairs to add the rest. I wouldn't expect to eat in shifts and I think that'd be awkward to ask a few to wait.

 

Is there anywhere to put a card table??

 

Could you make an exception for the couches/living room area this time? Could you lay down something to protect the most worrisome item? Like fold up a nice rug and store it or cover it with a plastic shower curtain or something? Lay down a large blanket over the couch that can be washed?

 

Yes, it's important to me that we all eat at the same time. My parents have often had to set out an additional table and chairs. My in-laws have a larger table and we all (barely) fit at it. We add chairs from another table set and make it work.

 

I personally have weird dining room chairs. They are foldable, but you don't really notice once they are open.

[teachermom2834]

I would make sure the older folks have a spot at the table. I'd set up a picnic blanket on a floor for little ones. I would give all the teens a big hug and tell them to grab a plate and figure it out. They could stand, find steps, go in the garage, sit in a hallway.

 

Almost everyone I know has those folding camp chairs.

Edited November 15, 2016 by teachermom2834

[Guest]

I wouldn't ask the guests if they have 'extra folding chairs' -- I'd tell them (select close members with reasonable vehicles) to simply bring their own chairs. The regular ones that they use for their own meals.

 

Nobody "doesn't have" chairs. They just don't exactly have ones they are thinking of as portable. They are wrong. All chairs are portable. A couple with a normal car can lay two chairs across their back seat. A family with a mini van could easily bring two or three chairs in addition to themselves. Or let them know they can drop them off early (if that's more convenient than bringing them with them at arrival time) or that your DH is able to pick up a round of chairs from five local people after breakfast is over at their place.

 

In my family 'bring your own chairs' is a normal request among insiders. (Even though I've had enough chairs for a few years now, my parents still offer yearly, and I still count to be sure before I say no.)

That's what we were told to offer people for fellowship dinners. It's not that most people cannot cook for seven or eight, but the seating issue. A large family mama gave me excellent advice to just offer to bring our dining room chairs and that it puts a lot of people at ease about hosting.

[KungFuPanda]

With that many guests, SOMEONE can bring a table and extra chairs. You might even have an extra "table" in your house. My uncle used to put a door on sawhorses for an extra table. Do you have a desk that can serve as a table that day? At another uncles house, the kids sat on pillows around the coffee table. Throw blankets over your couch and remove them after dinner. Eating in shifts is a bad idea.

 

ETA: I own a Korean floor table. It works for most able-bodied people and I find it more comfortable than perching a plate and drink on my lap. Kids love it. It was pretty cheap and slips behind a bookcase when not in use.

Edited November 15, 2016 by KungFuPanda