Was/ is any of it worth it?

[pinkmint]

Kind of a spinoff. 

 

Knowing that very few go riding off into the sunset happily ever after with every last goal and dream in life fulfilled to the max, is there ANYthing... one or two things maybe, about the homeschool life, the sacrifices of parenting full time etc that you've seen that make you glad you've made the choices you've made? 

[lllll]

nm

Edited November 30, 2016 by cathey

[HRAAB]

When my adult children come to me and say thank you mom for homeschooling us, we loved our years growing up, and we want to do the same for our children.

 

I have no regrets about the choices I made. Doesn't mean there weren't problems, mostly financial, but there are always going to be some problems. Staying home and homeschooling was one of the best decisions I ever made.

[creekland]

My kids, as adults, now really appreciating the time we spent together.  The memories I/we have of all the things we did and places we went.

 

A full time job would have had its own satisfaction (just as my part time job does now), but to have had that I'd have had to give up the freedom to do so many things with my kids.  No regrets with not choosing the full time path.

 

Hubby has a full time job, but in '99 was able to go off on his own (started his own firm).  That has given us the freedom together to shift work hours a bit, etc, and allowed us the ultimate in family time while still pulling in the finances needed.

 

I've no idea what the future holds or for how long, etc, but I absolutely love what our past has held (not counting some specific incidences, of course).  We were able to do a ton with our kids.

[almondbutterandjelly]

Yes, it's worth it.  My 15 year old daughter is a better person than I am.  Better character, kinder, knows more history, responds to nastiness with silence or kindness.  I did that.  

 

And she's a nontraditional learner, so regular school doesn't so much agree with her personality and learning style.  I give her nontraditional learning style the worth and value it deserves.  

 

It's absolutely worth it.

[BlsdMama]

Kind of a spinoff. 

 

Knowing that very few go riding off into the sunset happily ever after with every last goal and dream in life fulfilled to the max, is there ANYthing... one or two things maybe, about the homeschool life, the sacrifices of parenting full time etc that you've seen that make you glad you've made the choices you've made? 

 

 

Absolutely.  

 

I had a hard time when oldest DD began college full time.  It seemed to me that public school kids were doing the same, headed off to classes, doing well, so what was the difference, kwim?  DD has made great life choices, made Dean's list, yada, yada, but that wasn't the validation I was seeking.  It really felt that I had poured SO much in and then it was over and the result was the same as sending her off to school, kwim?

 

But it wasn't.  We're three years into her college journey now and she's a senior this year with the intention of then moving onto her Masters program.  She's met a young man she's serious about and they talk a lot about the future. He was public schooled and from a conservative family, she was homeschooled her entire life.

 

She is floored by what he and kids at work (Chick Fil A for now) were exposed to AND to how little beauty they were exposed to.... They've made the decision, currently, that in the future their children will be homeschooled.  She has thanked me several times for homeschooling as she moves through college.  She just feels the exposure to beautiful things - language, books, ideas, outdoors, and the freedom of time, creativity, and exploration is truly vital for a child.  It has very much validated homeschooling for me and helped reinforce that it is what I want for all my children.

 

Honestly?  I'm ready to be doing other things.  I once thought that homeschooling and "other things" were mutually exclusive.  They are not necessarily so.  I also once claimed home and children as solely my dominion.  I assumed DH would like me to "handle" everything and maybe that was so but has changed?  I'm finding him supportive in *my* education goals and I'm finding he is so much more capable and great at parenting than I gave him credit for... He parents differently but it's good for them to have the balance of two active parents.

 

My kids are innately curious.  They love the outdoors.  They love to work hard and can appreciate hard work.  They have such a FULL life - it isn't limited to academics, but has nature, music, beauty, poetry, and I love the home/family life that homeschooling has grown and nurtured.  I think the "real world" really fosters independence of one another, each busy with their own activities, the bustle of going separate ways, and I think the best thing that I've seen come of homeschooling is that we are all unique but intrinsically tied together through time and shared moments.  

 

:) 

 

Do I want to do other things? Absolutely.  I'm finding that *I* love things now too.  I don't know that I was very passionate about any one thing other than my kids.... And as I recognize their unique ways that they were made, I'm also learning to love and appreciate *my* gifts.  I've discovered it's okay to nurture that a little too and that families do that for one another - grow and nurture one another's gifts, even including the mom!

[DawnM]

It was very worth it for my son with LDs.  Very.  I feel that it was what I was supposed to do.  Do I regret not working for 10 years?  Sometimes.  But I am not sure I could have don't anything differently.  He needed me home.

 

I can't live in any kind of regret.  We did what we did for a reason, and now I am moving forward.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I have absolutely no regrets.  Of course that doesn't mean that everything was roses all the time.  But yes, it was worth it.

 

It was worth it to spend time with my children.

 

It was worth it to give my kids an individualized education that met their needs (or most of them - since I wasn't perfect at it by any means).

 

It was worth it to me to take care of my family's needs.

 

It was worth it to me to be able to explore science and good books and ideas alongside the kids. 

[TheReader]

The thing that springs immediately to mind is that we've never been tied to someone else's calendar, and that has allowed us to travel during off seasons, less expensively & less crowded, and so that has allowed us to see & do much more than otherwise. When we have, at various times, contemplated outside school -- that is the biggest drawback for us. 

 

Of course, now we are using a once/week homeschool enrichment program....with their calendar, but with the flexibility to miss if we want/need to. More limiting is the college schedule (our oldest did dual enrollment, and is now a graduated senior entering his freshman year of university)...there's a week or two between when these 2 programs end and the public schools, and we absolutely vacation in that tiny window, but Thanksgiving (with only Thurs/Fri  off), spring time (forced to use Spring Break, when every other school is off as well), etc.....for a family used to traveling in September, February, and various other times....it's an adjustment. 

 

But I am grateful beyond measure that we homeschooled all this time, so that our boys'  memories are full of family togetherness, adventures, traveling, seeing a world bigger than their hometown; it has made/is making them into young  men that accept diversity, appreciate cultural differences, appreciate the uniqueness of each person rather than stuck in sameness (which I see in a lot of their peers). And it's made them true, deep friends with each other, although I recognize & acknowledge that can happen even in public schooled families as well. 

 

Specifically for us -- we'd not have been able to move to Brazil if not for homeschooling; what DH's company was willing to pay for private education in Brazil (for the kids) was not sufficient to send all 3 boys to private school. I don't know that we'd have said yes to that move if we'd had the kids in school, and I know that we'd not have enjoyed our time there if tied to the school schedule. 

 

Also, our youngest was very premature; homeschooling the older two made it much easier for us to be back & forth from home to hospital during the seven weeks he was in the NICU. We left home at 3 pm, got to the hospital by 5 pm, stayed until 9:30 or so and home by 11.....the boys wouldn't have been able to function at public school on that schedule for long. (well, the middle son was not school age yet anyway). So it was quite convenient, homeschooling during all of that. 

 

Throw in that we also have one child who taught himself to read at age 4, another who learned around age 6, and one who is severely dyslexic (among other things) and still learning at age 11.....the oldest was several grade levels ahead by the time he was "old enough" for public kindergarten; we could have put him in school, and he would have been sent to a separate class for reading time and possibly math time, but in his regular Kindergarten class for his other subjects; that seemed daunting and overwhelming to me, and not an ideal way to handle it, so we just kept doing what we'd been doing all along. The youngest is several grade levels behind in his reading, which would affect all of his subjects in a traditional school, but since he's at home I can read all his science, history, etc. to him and just keep working on his reading at his pace. The middle son has a love for computing, so he can indulge that while still doing his regular studies at home; he'd lack sufficient time for that if he was inundated with homework after going to public school. In other words -- it has allowed  us to customize learning for each child, addressing both strengths & weaknesses, as well as passions. Did this, or is this, leading to a "better" education than public schooled kids? Depends on what you use to measure. It has led to all three being confident, interested learners -- despite strengths, weaknesses, differences, etc. So to me....yes. Better in that it was "best suited for each one" and better than what each one of them would have received in a public school (better suited for them); not necessarily better or higher quality than what other public school kids find there. But better for our particular kids, for who they each are. 

 

I'm not saying we've not sacrificed....we have. But for me, for our family....the benefits far outweigh the sacrifices. yes, there were massive tears over Algebra. Yes, I nearly convinced my very bright oldest child that he was bad at math (thankfully, we outsourced that in time for him to be reminded he's great at it). Yes, I have gone to bed in tears over the struggles of my youngest. Yes, we could have paid off  our student loans a lot faster if I'd been working all these years. Yes, if I were to go to work now, we'd be able to help pay for college vs taking out loans for the boys to go. But, even at that, DH and I believe right now, my time is better spent at home with the 2 still in school. Because homeschooling is, and has been, and continues to be, that much of a benefit for all of us. There'll be time to supplement the finances after the youngest finishes homeschool; for now, this is worth it. 

[hornblower]

Absolutely all worth it. I was writing in another place just how much I've loved my life. I've loved homeschooling, I'm so darned happy that I had this opportunity. 

[mommyoffive]

Absolutely all worth it. I was writing in another place just how much I've loved my life. I've loved homeschooling, I'm so darned happy that I had this opportunity. 

 

 

Me too.

 

I sure wish I could have prepared better.  But how are you to know at 18 or 22 what your life will look like 20 or so year later?   I wish I would have worked more and really banked money before kids.  

 

So many things you wish you could change now that you see what you should have done.

 

But I think my being home and taking care of the kids has let dh's career explode as much as it has.  Had he not been able to work longer hours, travel, and not be burdened with the kids as he would have been if I had worked to really helped him.

With burdened I mean the sick calls he would get a work, taking them to school or daycare, and after care.

 

In a perfect world I would have worked lots before I had kids, and saved all that money.  I have it all planned now.  I would have gotten a nursing degree and worked full time 2 jobs of 3 12 hours each.  So 6 12 hour days.  I would have had the energy before kids.  :)

Banked all of one pay and at least 30% of the other.  

 

Done that at least 7 years or so and then continue on my life as it is now.

 

All that money saved up and compound interest.  Sigh.....

It would be so nice. 

 

 

Edited July 7, 2016 by mommyoffive

[Carrie12345]

When I say I love learning who my children are, I do mean who they REALLY are, with next to no inhibitions or concerns for what others think they should be.

 

That isn't to say they don't "fall victim" to trends and certain social standards, lol, but they are true to themselves.

My oldest struggles with that.  To be fair, it probably has a lot more to do with growing up with two very different sets of parents than JUST public school would, But the rest of mine have only homeschooled, so I don't have an exact comparison.

[Arcadia]

My kids feel financial insecurity from me not working and they have felt the effects of a single income household. They know none of the private middle schools that we can afford are a good fit so they are just waiting for high school. They have asked me to look for work for many years and follows the news on minimum wage and property prices/rents.

 

What my kids want

- to not have to fear if my husband is on the layoff list. Hubby was on the list two years ago for his former employment.

- to stay in a two or three bedroom house with two bathrooms. Our home is a small one bedroom condo and none of their peers have to share bedrooms with parents

- to be able to get a well paying job and run a business on the side to hopefully be independently wealthy. They are looking at college majors that has higher chance of stable employment. They have already group potential jobs into those for bringing food to the table vs hobby kind of employment for spare cash.

 

We are below median income for our area but because I don't drive, we have to stay near hubby's workplace. We are an atheist agnostic family so no spiritual reason to homeschool and hubby wants kids to go to secular schools (if private) only which cost more than Christian schools.

 

So if we were to do over, I would have continued working full time after kids were born and paid for a live in nanny like my former neighbors did. Then work part time to after school them. Nobody in my family including SAHMs and me are full time parents. We have grandparents and babysitters or live in nannies. My kids would be the first on both sides of the extended family to be homeschool partially (b&m for high school), everyone else is public schooled.

 

We are also in the sandwich generation so that adds to the financial stress. My FIL retired in his 70s with no pension so my MIL went back to work full time because retirement savings aren't enough. Also FIL's mom who is almost a hundred years old has dementia, is wheelchair bound and need a live in aide. She has no savings and no assets so her children all chip in to pay for food and medical expenses, she is staying with a single daughter. My hubby sends whatever amount he can to his parents. My parents are medically affected but financially okay on my dad's pension plan. If my dad were to pass many years before my mom, then my mom would need some financial help because of high medical costs.

 

It is not SAHM or homeschooling per se but the financial issues that makes my family choices be whatever is the least evil at any point in time. My single income family cousins who are in their 60s were hit by a recession at a time where retirement and kids college funds were well funded so it was less turbulent for them.

 

ETA:

Hubby's sister is financially stable as an air force officer counting down to retirement. Her husband is a tenured community college lecturer with low chance of retrenchment. Her in-laws are self employed and still working. So financially her family needs to pay college fees for their kids and give my in-laws money monthly to help them make ends meet. Hubby's brother has been unemployed a few times so he is stressed as his wife is in freelance sales (mainly MLM) with unstable income.

 

ETA:

There are plenty of public schooled scholars including hubby in our extended family. My kids academic ability isn't dependent on homeschooling going by family statistics.

Edited July 7, 2016 by Arcadia

[Lang Syne Boardie]

Yes, hs'ing was worth it. The costs of being a sahm, the self-doubt of the midlife crisis, even the very real concern about financial insecurity in old age...worth it. If j could speak to my younger self about whether to raise the children as I have, I would still say, "Yes. Teach them yourself, be all there every day, pour out your whole life."

[momacacia]

Haven't read whole thread but gotta say I wonder about this when I really stop to think about outcomes.

 

My MIL homeschooled 9 kids. 2 have advanced degrees, 2 have bachelors and the rest have no degree or associates of some sort. All started in community college and no one went to any of the "better" schools in spite of one NMS and at least 1 other kid with "good" test scores (which could really be a range, doubt it's a 33 or 34). A lot of this is family culture of value of education and how they spend money.

 

But, I do wonder why am I busting my tuckus doing this if "all" they're going to do is go to a local community college or small school around here. I can't say I love homeschooling. I think MIL did and was religiously sold on the SAHM, homeschooling thing. Yes, will they get a better elementary and high school education at home than elsewhere in my city, yes they will. Does that really matter in the grand scheme of their lives? Idk. Maybe I'm just not as sold as I should be on the value of education and maybe I'm just too tired with a baby up 2x a night to be rational about it.

Edited July 7, 2016 by momacacia

[J&JMom]

I have only been homeschooling for 3 years as I prepare for our fourth.  It is totally worth it  when I hear my youngest say he is smart and loves school.  Before I pulled him after second grade, he called himself 'stupid' because he couldn't read.  I have standardized test scores that say he is on grade level, and I wouldn't trade his enthusiasm or confidence for anything.  I am thankful every day that my husband is able to make enough to support us, but I also am aware that I will need to return to the work force when this is over to supplement and replenish. Not looking forward to that part as my skills and resume have suffered greatly as well as the fact that agism is alive and well in my former industry (IT). 

Edited July 7, 2016 by J&JMom

[Bluegoat]

So far, I've found it worth it.

 

I do sometimes think about what ifs, but  try not to confuse that with "that would be better".  No matter what I did, I would have had different results, who knows maybe better ones.  But, we can't take more than one path.

 

Specifically - I am sending my dd11 off to public school next year and I feel like she has the tools to do well.  She understands the purpose of school as something other than box checking, she knows she really enjoys some subjects, without having been influenced by any peers about what is cool or not.  She has a good sense of her strength and values.  She gets along well with people of all ages and is really good at taking responsibility and action. 

 

Another thing I value is the relationship my kids have with each other.  They really are close, in a way that comes out of having just spent a lot of time together.  They know what it means to have become really close to another person. 

 

I value that they have had time to read some really great books and looked at great art, learned some skills, that they would not have had time for so much in ps.  My eldest is pretty accomplished on piano, in part because she wasn't tired out, or peopled out, from being in school all day.  She can sew.  My younger kids are in a similar position in a less developed way.  It isn't that they are geniuses who can conjugate verbs at the drop of a hat, but I feel they've had their feet set in a wider world because they just had the time.

 

All of my kids have personalities that would have found the large classrooms in ps hard to take in younger years. My son in particular would have bene an awkward age - he is just going to be starting K at home this year, at age 6.5.  He isn't abnormal, or anything like that - but he hasn't had much interest in anything academic until recently, and would not have responded well to sitting in a class all day. 

 

One thing I would say - I've always taken homeschooling on a one year at a time approach, and tried to keep the big picture in mind rather than something really specific.We had thought we would send dd11 not this coming year, but the next, so she could take advantage of a language immersion program.  We've ended up going a year early because of my pregnancy, but that is ok - she is in a position to do well, and it will even have some advantages to get a chance to get in tune with the ps curricula before she starts doing it in another language.  I think that perhaps, if there is some very specific vision of what hs is trying to produce, it is easier to become disillusioned.

 

ETA: we do have less money than we would otherwise, but we have, OTOH, security.  Occasionally I think - it would be nice if my kids could talk about visiting London or Italy the way my friend's can.  But, really, I don't know if that is really better than the fact that they can talk about going on canoe trips in the wilderness or other things they get to do, that my friend's kids do not.

Edited July 7, 2016 by Bluegoat

[importswim]

It's already worth it. We pulled DS out of school after 2nd grade when he was talking about how the world would be better without him here (in a scary way), how stupid he is, and how he's not good at school (plus lots of anxiety, toilet issues, and repetitive mannerisms). He just completed 5th grade and the difference we've seen in his confidence is staggering (no more issues at all). We moved right after pulling him and our friends here can't imagine that our happy-go-lucky child ever had those thoughts. 

 

We went from almost losing him to him finding his true confident self. I'm not sure that would have ever happened if we hadn't hs'ed. I'm so very grateful that we've had the opportunity to do so. Even if academically he'll be behind (doubtful!) when he graduates the leaps and bounds that he's come emotionally have made the whole thing worth it.

Edited July 7, 2016 by importswim

[mamiof5]

I am nowhere near the end of our homeschooling journey (I hope so), but YES, it has all been worth it! I can list MANY things, would take forever...but a little summary...our time together, my kids' relationship within each other, learning about our faith, TOGETHER...and many, many more positives. It's our lifestyle, we love it! Definitely worth it for us 😀

[mamiof5]

It's already worth it. We pulled DS out of school after 2nd grade when he was talking about how the world would be better without him here (in a scary way), how stupid he is, and how he's not good at school (plus lots of anxiety, toilet issues, and repetitive mannerisms). He just completed 5th grade and the difference we've seen in his confidence is staggering (no more issues at all). We moved right after pulling him and our friends here can't imagine that our happy-go-lucky child ever had those thoughts.

 

We went from almost losing him to him finding his true confident self. I'm not sure that would have ever happened if we hadn't hs'ed. I'm so very grateful that we've had the opportunity to do so. Even if academically he'll be behind (doubtful!) when he graduates the leaps and bounds that he's come emotionally have made the whole thing worth it.

So happy for your family!!! There's a lot of truth in "there's no place like home!"

[Tess in the Burbs]

So far, I know the best part of homeschooling is my relationship with my kids.  I was a nasty teen to my parents who were going through a divorce.  My kids love being with us.  The time we have spent vacationing/camping together is priceless.  I would do a lot differently if i could, but the people they are today, is b/c we homeschool.  I know being in ps they would be completely different.

[katilac]

Living the life we wanted to live is what made it worth it to me, from when we started through now. We didn't have to homeschool, it's what we wanted. 

 

There were definite financial trade-offs, but not as much for us as for some Our kids would most likely have gone to private school, which would have eaten up a lot of my earnings. There are definitely still negatives (not paying into social security, not building up my career, certainly we can't do the things many dual income families can do), but we have managed. 

 

From the beginning, I knew that the kids would be in school if homeschooling meant financial insecurity, because I wouldn't handle that well. I can do without new clothes or eating out, but I *must* know bills can be paid without juggling or worrying. It's not something I can put to the back of my mind, I wouldn't function well (and that's just my personality, my hat is off to anyone who can handle that uncertainty). 

 

I definitely think that homeschooling was the best choice for my kids, but they are pretty neuro typical and I never felt they wouldn't survive in public or private school. I didn't have the stress of feeling like I had to homeschool; it was a choice. 

 

Barring bullying or special needs that the parents feel can only met at home, I am quick to advise people to put their kids in school if they regard homeschooling as a sacrifice they are only doing for their kids. It's too hard of a job to choose if you don't enjoy it! I know many fabulous kids and adults who have been in every type of schooling: big and small, public and private, wealthy districts and poor. 

 

Back to the original question: there are tons of reasons I'm glad we've homeschooled. More free time, more family time, we enjoy the process, we go to Disney in the off-season  :laugh:

 

We never homeschooled for the future; we always homeschooled for right now. I think that every part of one's life is as important and authentic as the rest. We homeschool because that's the life we want now, not for some future payoff. 

 

I wish more people saw homeschooling as one valid choice among others, one that you choose if it suits you. I don't like the fear that drives some people to feel they must homeschool. 

[Rachel]

Kind of a spinoff.

 

Knowing that very few go riding off into the sunset happily ever after with every last goal and dream in life fulfilled to the max, is there ANYthing... one or two things maybe, about the homeschool life, the sacrifices of parenting full time etc that you've seen that make you glad you've made the choices you've made?

My kids are still young, but I did not have a close relationship with my parents. I am already seeing how much more confidence my kids have because they know I have their best interests at heart. I really enjoy being at home with them. We sort of fell into homeschooling but it was a blessing for my family. Edited July 7, 2016 by Rach

[katilac]

  AND to how little beauty they were exposed to....  

 

This is one of the things I truly do love about homeschooling. I do think there is great value in the classical idea of consistently exposing young children to virtue and beauty. 

[Guest]

All of it is worth it - because I can honor God in the big and small things. Not all of us are called to the big and shiny and wealthy, and most of what we spend our lives on will not matter to any people outside those immediately touched by it. I happen to think that's okay, and that the size of the impact doesn't lessen the *value* of it.

 

My husband and I try to do our best by our family and friends, those God has brought into our lives. He works with integrity even though it doesn't lead to the most advancements. I try to remember I'm wiping noses and teaching phonics out of love and a firm belief that this is best for me and my kids and what my husband and I both want. Even if it amounts to a hill of beans, it doesn't change the fact that I am giving my all to this small domain I can affect. It is worth it to my children, my husband, me, and I believe it has eternal value to do all things to the best of my ability for the glory of God.

 

I fail so often, and I'm on my knees less than I should be! But I don't think I have to have the flashiest or most personally fulfilling task for it to be of significance to the people who matter most to me.

Edited July 7, 2016 by Arctic Mama

[Guest]

And I should add - when life does change and the kids move on or something happens with the economy that means we need to pivot and do other things? That's okay too! It doesn't invalidate the previous decades to move to something new.

[maize]

I think I choose homeschooling for the now benefits not for some amorphous dream of future results. 

 

I enjoy having my kids with me, I like the low-stress days, freedom from the social mess than can be school, freedom from being stuck at a desk inside a four wall box for hours every day; I like the relationships they have with me and with each other, I like the freedom to learn in accordance with our interests and desires. I enjoy the intellectual stimulation of homeschooling, and appreciate the opportunity to spend my days raising these kids I brought into the world.

 

One of mine may go to school next year because there are some unique opportunities they could take advantage of there and because I think it might be a good fit for that child now.

 

Right now, the benefits are absolutely worth the sacrifices.

[mamiof5]

Another thing I value is the relationship my kids have with each other. They really are close, in a way that comes out of having just spent a lot of time together. They know what it means to have become really close to another person.

 

Occasionally I think - it would be nice if my kids could talk about visiting London or Italy the way my friend's can. But, really, I don't know if that is really better than the fact that they can talk about going on canoe trips in the wilderness or other things they get to do, that my friend's kids do not.

I could relate to many points in your response, but THIS. Definitely this! I don't know if it's a coincidence...we see friends, family members, different circles, different areas of living, different lifestyles... sadly their kids seem to be lacking a relationship. In some cases more than others, but some of them literally can't stand each other, and some even find that the only way to "relate" is to aggravate their sibling. I can't say all families who sent their kids to school have this problem, but I have seen it one too many times. I can't say either that homeschooling guarantees a close and good family interaction, but I truly hope it helps.

 

Yes, I'd love to be able to provide trips to exotic places...but not if I had to sacrifice our family dinamics and lifestyle for it.

[fairfarmhand]

When my dd who fussed and fumed and griped and moaned and groaned about homeschooling said she was GLAD that she was homeschooled, it was worth it then.

 

When she realizes what homeschooling brought her, the awesome friends she made, the interests she was able to pursue, the high school job she was able to keep, the fun we all had, and talks about how she's thankful for homeschooling making her who she is.

 

Yes, totally worth it.

[Ali in OR]

I made the choices I wanted to make, accepting the blessings and the costs. I knew at the beginning that you only get each kid at home for 18 years (based on our families' histories--all go off to college at 18). I thought that if I didn't homeschool them, I would always regret that went I sent them off at 18--I would miss that time together that we could have had. I'll still miss them, but I'll know that we made the most of the time we had. So no regrets here at all, even on the hard days.

[regentrude]

I am very glad of the choices I made. I hope I am allowed to particpate in this thread even though I do not parent full time while homeschooling.

Homeschooling was forced on me because of the quality of the schools; it was the best solution for my children, gave them a good education according to their abilities and interests, and allowed them to be themselves. Especially for my highly gifted, extremely amibitious DD, homeschooling was the only way to give her the challenge she needed and craved. 

 

Contrary to other posters' experiences, homeschooling has not magically engendered a closeness between siblings in our family. My kids are extremely different; they were close when they were little (and, coincidentally, attended public school) and are not close as young adults. I do not believe schooling choices are responsible for either.

Homeschooling also has not altered the family dynamic noticeably. We always spend a lot of time with the kids, even when they still attended school, devoted almost every weekend to family outings, traveled extensively, and made a lot of lasting memories. I do not see this as something that cannot be achieved by a family who chooses ps as an educational model.

 

My decision to forgo the career I could have pursued with my degree had nothing to do with homeschooling, but with becoming a parent. I am at peace with it, because it worked well for our family. I see no example of families with both parents pursuing a tenure track career in physics that I wish to emulate; the colleagues who do it required a ton of outside help by grandparents and are perpetually stressed and sleep deprived. I do not believe it is possible to "have it all". I find that, by dialing down my career aspirations and just working as a teaching professor, I am as close to "having it all" as is possible while still maintaining a relaxed unstressed lifestyle.

 

The only regret I have is not pulling my kids out of school at the end of 4th grade, but waiting until the situation became unbearable in 5th/6th grades. If I could go back, I would still send them to elementary school and homeschool from te beginning of 5th grade on.

 

Edited July 7, 2016 by regentrude

[teachermom2834]

I sometimes feel it hasn't been worth it academically because our public school where we lived until a year ago turned out excellent students. However, since we have moved to where schools are not as good I am grateful to have homeschooled. I could not have predicted this move years ago.

 

I am definitely dealing with all the mid-life issues. I have 13 years homeschooling down...10 left to go. I do feel like it has been worth it,especially being home with the teenagers. We haven't had excessive term drama but mine just seem to need a lot of guidance. They are good kids and have stayed out of trouble but they do pretty much admit my presence, supervision, and involvement has been what kept them out of trouble. My teens are doing well but they are not saints. They have benefited from being home with me. No doubt.

[The Girls' Mom]

It was hard.  But it was all worth it. 

[Liz CA]

I just wanted to say that homeschooling often means one income, or perhaps 1.5 income with a part-time job.

But I found out that kids don't really care in what kind of a place they live. They care more about relationships and memories made.

For a few years, we lived in a mobile home on a property we had purchased before we built a house. I remember these years as living in a crammed place, my son remembers how much fun it was when Dad found a rat in the light fixtures (don't even go there!) and how loud the rain was on that funky roof and several other things of which I cannot say I cherished the memory.

I realized none of this mattered to him. He was happy, exploring, learning and growing.

[lllll]

nm

Edited July 8, 2016 by ~ d9n

[Arcadia]

But I found out that kids don't really care in what kind of a place they live. They care more about relationships and memories made.

Mine does, especially my oldest who moved four times before 2 years old still feels unsettled. My DS11 lost playmates when we moved for the third time while he was 17 months old, then again when we pulled him out of B&M public school at the end of 1st grade. After that he is wary and thinks of friends as short term/seasonal. My DS10 doesn't feel rooted either even though we have only moved once after he was born.

 

My kids relationships are also lots better when they are apart which runs on both sides of our family. Too many strong willed siblings (male and female) in a house. My SIL twins are happier split up in different schools.

 

Nurture doesn't win over nature unfortunately for us, not that it has anything to do with homeschooling other than separate study spaces from preschool and avoid putting our kids in the same outsourced class for academics and activities.

 

I have seen public school neighbor kids as relationship wary as my kids so it is not a homeschool thing.

[BarbecueMom]

I just wanted to say that homeschooling often means one income, or perhaps 1.5 income with a part-time job.

But I found out that kids don't really care in what kind of a place they live. They care more about relationships and memories made.

For a few years, we lived in a mobile home on a property we had purchased before we built a house. I remember these years as living in a crammed place, my son remembers how much fun it was when Dad found a rat in the light fixtures (don't even go there!) and how loud the rain was on that funky roof and several other things of which I cannot say I cherished the memory.

I realized none of this mattered to him. He was happy, exploring, learning and growing.

Honestly, it mattered me to growing up. I threw out many of my childhood photos because I couldn't look at the nasty carpet and piles of soda cases in the kitchen. Granted, I do live in a house of constant projects and an oddly colored, peeling vinyl kitchen that is waiting renovation, but I do bristle a bit when the sentiment is raised that memories and time are always more important than the living space. I would have gladly given up activities and some of those memories for a clean, visually calm, peaceful place to live and rest, if that had been an option.

 

I was/am an odd duck though.

[wintermom]

Yes, it's all worth the the time and energy focused on the family. It's helped that my own personal career goal was to be an educator, and doing this with the BEST students ever makes things a lot easier. 

 

I'm unsure about the expectation in the OP about "riding off into the sunset happily ever after with every last goal and dream in life fulfilled to the max." Do most people have these kinds of expectations? It's great to have goals, and to be able to achieve goals, but life is about much more than this.

[elegantlion]

My son is confidant in who he is. I know being able to be himself while homeschooling had a big impact on that. 

 

He also got to study what was important to him, not things that would have been offered in any school around here. 

 

He appreciates me, we have a good relationship. I think public school would have negated some of that. 

[Guest]

Honestly, it mattered me to growing up. I threw out many of my childhood photos because I couldn't look at the nasty carpet and piles of soda cases in the kitchen. Granted, I do live in a house of constant projects and an oddly colored, peeling vinyl kitchen that is waiting renovation, but I do bristle a bit when the sentiment is raised that memories and time are always more important than the living space. I would have gladly given up activities and some of those memories for a clean, visually calm, peaceful place to live and rest, if that had been an option.

 

I was/am an odd duck though.

Yeah, me too. I think some of my OCD-like tendencies arose from the chaos of living in a small, cluttered, messy home in which broken things stayed broken for years. When I'm under stress, my need for an orderly environment increases.

[pinkmint]

Well, we do have nasty carpet (landlord won't let us change it) and a small home. And things do stay broken sometimes because the means to repair is not easy to come by. The air conditioner in our family car was broken for 9 months and I had to cart the kids around in 100+ degree heat sometimes. I sprayed water on them and stuck towels in the window to shield from the heat. Eventually with our tax return we were able to pay the almost $600 to get the compressor fixed. 

 

I definitely do not like living like this. At all. 

 

I try to be more vigilant about clutter than other people since they have space and margin that I don't. I try to clean as much as possible even though some things in our home are so ugly and deteriorating it never looks very good anyway. And plus I desire to have the time with my children that not being obsessed with cleaning allows. Even though sometimes I am obsessed because it's the only thing that helps my home be slightly less ugly. I really hope my kids don't grow up and throw photos away because our home was so ugly. Sometimes I actually am at the point of not wanting to live anymore. Not just because of these things but other things too that make life rough. Sometimes I'm so dead sick of struggling and want some glimmer that something is actually worth it. 

 

I don't believe I can have any guarantees that A leads to B. That homeschooling or me SAHing with my kids will lead to a desired or favorable outcome. My kids could grow up to be serial killers and/ or one or all of us could die tomorrow or any number of things. 

 

I just see these choices as a hopeful means to accomplish current and future goals. All I'm doing is trying to make the best choices I know how to make with what's in front of me (my real life experience shows me that I can't have things how I want them without some form of huge compromise... maybe I'm just stupid and poor, maybe it's just me, but I don't have an ideal situation available to me). But who knows. Maybe I should stick my kids in daycare and the local awful pubic school and work full time so my kids can show pics of their childhood home and not be embarrassed. 

 

 

Edited July 7, 2016 by pinkmint

[Lang Syne Boardie]

Well, we do have nasty carpet and a small home. And things do stay broken sometimes because the means to repair is not easy to come by. The air conditioner in our family car was broken for 9 months and I had to cart the kids around in 100+ degree heat sometimes. I sprayed water on them and stuck towels in the window to shield from the heat. Eventually with our tax return we were able to pay the almost $600 to get the compressor fixed. 

 

I definitely do not like living like this. At all. 

 

I try to be more vigilant about clutter than other people since they have space and margin that I don't. I try to clean as much as possible even though some things in our home are so ugly and deteriorating it never looks very good anyway. And plus I desire to have the time with my children that not being obsessed with cleaning allows. Even though sometimes I am obsessed because it's the only thing that helps my home be slightly less ugly. I really hope my kids don't grow up and throw photos away because our home was so ugly. Sometimes I actually am at the point of not wanting to live anymore. Not just because of these things but other things too that make life rough. Sometimes I'm so dead sick of struggling and want some glimmer that something is actually worth it. 

 

I don't believe I can have any guarantees that A leads to B. That homeschooling or me SAHing with my kids will lead to a desired or favorable outcome. My kids could grow up to be serial killers and/ or one or all of us could die tomorrow or any number of things. 

 

I just see these choices as a hopeful means to accomplish current and future goals. All I'm doing is trying to make the best choices I know how to make with what's in front of me (my real life experience shows me that I can't have things how I want them without some form of huge compromise... maybe I'm just stupid and poor, maybe it's just me, but I don't have an ideal situation available to me). But who knows. Maybe I should stick my kids in daycare and the local awful pubic school and work full time so my kids can show pics of their childhood home and not be embarrassed. 

For what it's worth (and I think it's worth a LOT), I grew up in pretty much a shack and was homeless occasionally as a child and we saved all the pictures.

 

The homes my DH and I lived in were beyond unfashionable when our kids were little, because I would never choose new curtains or a non-holey couch over FOOD for my children, and there wasn't money for both. We lived in ghetto apartments, rural tumbledown farmhouses, a trailer. I saved all the pictures and my children are happy to look at them.

 

Right this moment I literally have art (calendar photos and homemade paintings) tacked over holes in doors and walls in my house, and we don't even own a couch. If you come over you may sit in my antique rocker or on a church pew or a piano bench. The one room that is carpeted has an AWFUL carpet, and my kitchen needs repainted (although my Goodwill curtains now match which is nice). My yard is untrimmed and unmowed because the mower just broke past even my clever DH's skill to repair, and we need at least another two weeks before we can even buy a used one.

 

I have people over all the time. No shame. If they can't see these fine young men I've raised, the thousands of dollars of books on shelves, the musical instruments, and the patches and holes, and draw a simple conclusion about our priorities, then they weren't really meant to be my friends anyway.

 

Never be ashamed of the best you can do. Never.

Edited July 7, 2016 by Tibbie Dunbar

[Jean in Newcastle]

Eh, half the kitchen cabinet doors have fallen off their hinges in the kitchen.  Our floors are stained and ripped.  We do have goals to fix things as we're able but it's just an inanimate house.  Doing right by the people in the house is more important.  Some people have the finances to have nice furnishing and a remodeled house as well as good family relationships.  We don't.  It's just the way it is.  That's ok.  (And if it isn't, being unhappy about it isn't going to fix our house or our finances.  It's just going to make me unhappy.  I'd much rather learn to be content.) 

[Lang Syne Boardie]

Eh, half the kitchen cabinet doors have fallen off their hinges in the kitchen.  Our floors are stained and ripped.  We do have goals to fix things as we're able but it's just an inanimate house.  Doing right by the people in the house is more important.  Some people have the finances to have nice furnishing and a remodeled house as well as good family relationships.  We don't.  It's just the way it is.  That's ok.  (And if it isn't, being unhappy about it isn't going to fix our house or our finances.  It's just going to make me unhappy.  I'd much rather learn to be content.) 

 

So well said. People before things.

 

Now, when the boys are all grown up I'm going to spend some time doing the Susie Homemaker thing to my heart's desire, because I do love homemaking tasks. I just couldn't do all of that as well as I liked while homeschooling, and homeschooling has been more important.

 

I draw the line at hungry kids. If my children had ever been at risk of hunger and real want (not inconvenience or failing to keep up with the Jones, but serious want) then I would have put them in school and worked for awhile until I figured out how to make enough money and bring them home. But "just' being poor is survivable and thrive-able.

 

Another reasonable line is the mental and emotional health of the mother in the home. Pinkmint, we are important. If we are too far from our base level of needs in any area, then we are not wrong to take some time to address that, even if other ideals go unmet for awhile. That is what "putting the kids in school out of necessity" or "not being able to afford hs'ing" mean...it doesn't have to be permanent, if you have to make that choice.

 

There's support for you on these forums either way; so many people have done both -- lived very poor and made it work, or put kids in school for a time to address the family finances.

 

[pinkmint]

Thanks so much, Tibbie and Jean. 

 

Those thoughts you both shared are where I am at my better moments. I am feeling a little on edge right now, I guess. 

 

Our issue is not that our kids are suffering true lack of adequate clothing or food etc. It's most definitely a "standard of living" issue, which is of varying levels of importance depending on who you ask. 

[Guest]

Oh Pink, I'm sorry you're struggling with feeling like you can do enough for your kids. That's an awful feeling. My own house is more ghetto than anything I grew up in but we just do the best we can. It's a daily exercise in gratitude for me because I struggle with feeling discontent with broken things, messed up drywall, inevitable clutter in the small footprint, and my kids not having what I'd like for them.

 

You just make your choices and do your best. Flat out. Don't second guess or get down on yourself unless it really isn't working for your family's goals and needs.

[zarabellesmom]

Kind of a spinoff.

 

Knowing that very few go riding off into the sunset happily ever after with every last goal and dream in life fulfilled to the max, is there ANYthing... one or two things maybe, about the homeschool life, the sacrifices of parenting full time etc that you've seen that make you glad you've made the choices you've made?

I only read a few posts on the thread that spun this off because it made me so sad... And I haven't read any of the replies on this thread... And I haven't ridden off into the sunset because my girls are only eleven and eight...BUT...

 

I wouldn't trade this time with them for anything. 18 years each, that's all I get of them at home before they go off and make their own lives. This time is so precious. No, I have no idea what I will do when this time is over. So much time will have passed(has already passed) that stepping back into my career will be impossible. I don't care. I wouldn't give this up for a moment. Is it all sunshine and roses? Nope. But what is?

[teachermom2834]

We grew up in small, outdated homes in poor repair. I actually believe that has given me a contentment with my modest home and way of life. I believe contentment with a modest life is actually a gift I was given. It has allowed me to make choices like homeschooling and investing in education and experiences. So, no telling how your kids will feel about their childhood home.

 

Funny how we are all wired differently. I have plenty of resentments but lack of a nice home is not one.

[Liz CA]

Yeah, me too. I think some of my OCD-like tendencies arose from the chaos of living in a small, cluttered, messy home in which broken things stayed broken for years. When I'm under stress, my need for an orderly environment increases.

 

I am the same - I need some kind of order. Living in a modest or small place does not preclude some kind of order. It may mean that you need to store things which is what we did. I was referring more to size and luxurious environment when I mentioned that most kids don't care about it.

[Liz CA]

Honestly, it mattered me to growing up. I threw out many of my childhood photos because I couldn't look at the nasty carpet and piles of soda cases in the kitchen. Granted, I do live in a house of constant projects and an oddly colored, peeling vinyl kitchen that is waiting renovation, but I do bristle a bit when the sentiment is raised that memories and time are always more important than the living space. I would have gladly given up activities and some of those memories for a clean, visually calm, peaceful place to live and rest, if that had been an option.

 

I was/am an odd duck though.

 

Sounds like you were more bothered by clutter or disorganization than by size. Clean, calm and peaceful can be small.