AimeeM Posted June 13, 2016 Share Posted June 13, 2016 (edited) We just left PA about a couple weeks ago. We received a call a few days ago that Dad is declining even more. DH just spoke over the phone with Dad's physician and was told Dad has approximately 6-8 weeks. The fluid in his legs isn't from his heart (which they could fix) - it's from his body breaking down. DH is making arrangements to go be with him for a while. I'm sad and I'm scared. I took the boys by our parish to pray for a while yesterday. Not for a miracle or anything - just that Dad would be peaceful and allow the doctors to make him comfortable, and that DH's heart would heal in time. I just had to get it out. I've spent the last two days on the phone with random hospice social workers because Dad's regular social worker is out of town until Wednesday. Edited June 13, 2016 by AimeeM Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted June 13, 2016 Share Posted June 13, 2016 I'm so sorry. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ethel Mertz Posted June 13, 2016 Share Posted June 13, 2016 :grouphug: Thinking of you and yours and praying for peace for all of you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heatherwith4 Posted June 13, 2016 Share Posted June 13, 2016 I'm sorry. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted June 13, 2016 Share Posted June 13, 2016 :grouphug: I'm sorry. You are wonderful for honoring his wishes at this time. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted June 13, 2016 Share Posted June 13, 2016 :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
monstermama Posted June 13, 2016 Share Posted June 13, 2016 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted June 13, 2016 Share Posted June 13, 2016 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlsdMama Posted June 13, 2016 Share Posted June 13, 2016 So hard. I'm sorry - praying for you, your boys, and your DH. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted June 13, 2016 Share Posted June 13, 2016 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted June 13, 2016 Author Share Posted June 13, 2016 (edited) :grouphug: I'm sorry. You are wonderful for honoring his wishes at this time. If we had known the fluid was from his body shutting down, we wouldn't have pushed for him to come with us. We thought it was his heart (because he does have heart problems and is on medication for the fluid) and could be fixed, because that's what the nurses originally told us. When his doctor told us it was his body shutting down and he didn't want him in the hospital, I felt terrible for pushing him to come with us. They haven't told Dad about the prognosis, though - we didn't want them to. He is depressed as it is. The doctor told us that if it were his Dad, he would just leave him at home. He said he will not support hospice trying to remove him, safety reasons or not. The doctor is a geriatric specialist who makes house visits and since this is his area of expertise, we're deferring to him. As long as we have his backing, and he won't allow hospice to forcibly remove Dad, we can feel peaceful about it. The hospice was making noises about getting the counsel of aging involved because they didn't want him home alone, and we just don't want him in a facility. I'm babbling now. I'll shut up. He's at home and resting. We're going to leave him there. The doctor is very kind and understanding. DH is trying to clear up a few things with work so he can go be with Dad. Edited June 13, 2016 by AimeeM 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mysticmomma Posted June 13, 2016 Share Posted June 13, 2016 :( many hugs and prayers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happi duck Posted June 13, 2016 Share Posted June 13, 2016 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aggieamy Posted June 13, 2016 Share Posted June 13, 2016 I haven't been on the board lately but I remember your stories about what a remarkable and lovable man your FIL is. I'm so sorry to hear that he is passing. I found myself sniffling as I read your post because I know that losing a man that wonderful will be hard. ((HUGS)) I will say my Rosary for your FIL today. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HRAAB Posted June 13, 2016 Share Posted June 13, 2016 :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
East Coast Sue Posted June 13, 2016 Share Posted June 13, 2016 (((Hugs))) As hard as losing your FIL will be, I'm glad you have a geriatric physician who has helped give you an estimate of his remaining life and supports your FIL not passing in a hospital setting. Peace, prayers, and many hugs for you. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joules Posted June 13, 2016 Share Posted June 13, 2016 I'm so, so sorry, Aimee. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthwestMom Posted June 13, 2016 Share Posted June 13, 2016 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted June 13, 2016 Share Posted June 13, 2016 If we had known the fluid was from his body shutting down, we wouldn't have pushed for him to come with us. We thought it was his heart (because he does have heart problems and is on medication for the fluid) and could be fixed, because that's what the nurses originally told us. When his doctor told us it was his body shutting down and he didn't want him in the hospital, I felt terrible for pushing him to come with us. They haven't told Dad about the prognosis, though - we didn't want them to. He is depressed as it is. The doctor told us that if it were his Dad, he would just leave him at home. He said he will not support hospice trying to remove him, safety reasons or not. The doctor is a geriatric specialist who makes house visits and since this is his area of expertise, we're deferring to him. As long as we have his backing, and he won't allow hospice to forcibly remove Dad, we can feel peaceful about it. The hospice was making noises about getting the counsel of aging involved because they didn't want him home alone, and we just don't want him in a facility. I'm babbling now. I'll shut up. He's at home and resting. We're going to leave him there. The doctor is very kind and understanding. DH is trying to clear up a few things with work so he can go be with Dad. I am in awe of your - or rather your FIL's physician. This is the kind of care every person deserves at the end of life but only few receive. :grouphug: to you and your family. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Valley Girl Posted June 13, 2016 Share Posted June 13, 2016 If we had known the fluid was from his body shutting down, we wouldn't have pushed for him to come with us. We thought it was his heart (because he does have heart problems and is on medication for the fluid) and could be fixed, because that's what the nurses originally told us. When his doctor told us it was his body shutting down and he didn't want him in the hospital, I felt terrible for pushing him to come with us. Your thinking that the problem was his heart was reasonable. Your offer to move him was based on love and the information that was available at the time. Don't beat yourself up about that. You don't deserve it, and it isn't warranted. May you and your family find peace in the hard days ahead. 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted June 14, 2016 Share Posted June 14, 2016 So sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kassia Posted June 14, 2016 Share Posted June 14, 2016 I am so sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted June 14, 2016 Share Posted June 14, 2016 :grouphug: I'm sorry. You are wonderful for honoring his wishes at this time. Echo. Peace and strength to you and your dh. Good palliative care will be a gift to you all in the coming weeks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted June 14, 2016 Share Posted June 14, 2016 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StaceyinLA Posted June 14, 2016 Share Posted June 14, 2016 I am so very sorry for your family. I will pray for you all as you walk this difficult path. I was there recently with my mother, and it is not easy. Praying for a peaceful transition for your FIL, and peace and comfort for all of you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 14, 2016 Share Posted June 14, 2016 You made the wisest decision you could with the things that you knew at the time - I'm so sorry your FIL is at the end and hope his last days with are painless and peaceful. I'm sorry your family will miss him so much :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
displace Posted June 15, 2016 Share Posted June 15, 2016 (edited) :( I'm sorry to hear. Hugs. Edited June 15, 2016 by displace Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Another Lynn Posted June 15, 2016 Share Posted June 15, 2016 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsMommy Posted June 15, 2016 Share Posted June 15, 2016 I am so sorry. He sounds like a wonderful man, and I can only imagine how much your heart must be hurting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lmrich Posted June 15, 2016 Share Posted June 15, 2016 So sorry to hear this. You have always acted out of love and respect. He knows that. Hugs and prayers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prairiewindmomma Posted June 15, 2016 Share Posted June 15, 2016 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted June 15, 2016 Share Posted June 15, 2016 I am so sorry. Your family is in my prayers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Junie Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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