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Posted (edited)

We just left PA about a couple weeks ago. We received a call a few days ago that Dad is declining even more. DH just spoke over the phone with Dad's physician and was told Dad has approximately 6-8 weeks. The fluid in his legs isn't from his heart (which they could fix) - it's from his body breaking down. DH is making arrangements to go be with him for a while. 

 

I'm sad and I'm scared. I took the boys by our parish to pray for a while yesterday. Not for a miracle or anything - just that Dad would be peaceful and allow the doctors to make him comfortable, and that DH's heart would heal in time. 

 

I just had to get it out. I've spent the last two days on the phone with random hospice social workers because Dad's regular social worker is out of town until Wednesday. 

Edited by AimeeM
Posted (edited)

:grouphug:   I'm sorry.  You are wonderful for honoring his wishes at this time. 

If we had known the fluid was from his body shutting down, we wouldn't have pushed for him to come with us. We thought it was his heart (because he does have heart problems and is on medication for the fluid) and could be fixed, because that's what the nurses originally told us.

 

When his doctor told us it was his body shutting down and he didn't want him in the hospital, I felt terrible for pushing him to come with us. They haven't told Dad about the prognosis, though - we didn't want them to. He is depressed as it is. 

The doctor told us that if it were his Dad, he would just leave him at home. He said he will not support hospice trying to remove him, safety reasons or not. The doctor is a geriatric specialist who makes house visits and since this is his area of expertise, we're deferring to him. As long as we have his backing, and he won't allow hospice to forcibly remove Dad, we can feel peaceful about it. The hospice was making noises about getting the counsel of aging involved because they didn't want him home alone, and we just don't want him in a facility.

I'm babbling now. I'll shut up. He's at home and resting. We're going to leave him there. The doctor is very kind and understanding. DH is trying to clear up a few things with work so he can go be with Dad. 

Edited by AimeeM
  • Like 2
Posted

I haven't been on the board lately but I remember your stories about what a remarkable and lovable man your FIL is.  I'm so sorry to hear that he is passing.  I found myself sniffling as I read your post because I know that losing a man that wonderful will be hard.  ((HUGS))  I will say my Rosary for your FIL today. 

Posted

(((Hugs)))

As hard as losing your FIL will be, I'm glad you have a geriatric physician who has helped give you an estimate of his remaining life and supports your FIL not passing in a hospital setting. Peace, prayers, and many hugs for you.

  • Like 3
Posted

If we had known the fluid was from his body shutting down, we wouldn't have pushed for him to come with us. We thought it was his heart (because he does have heart problems and is on medication for the fluid) and could be fixed, because that's what the nurses originally told us.

 

When his doctor told us it was his body shutting down and he didn't want him in the hospital, I felt terrible for pushing him to come with us. They haven't told Dad about the prognosis, though - we didn't want them to. He is depressed as it is. 

The doctor told us that if it were his Dad, he would just leave him at home. He said he will not support hospice trying to remove him, safety reasons or not. The doctor is a geriatric specialist who makes house visits and since this is his area of expertise, we're deferring to him. As long as we have his backing, and he won't allow hospice to forcibly remove Dad, we can feel peaceful about it. The hospice was making noises about getting the counsel of aging involved because they didn't want him home alone, and we just don't want him in a facility.

I'm babbling now. I'll shut up. He's at home and resting. We're going to leave him there. The doctor is very kind and understanding. DH is trying to clear up a few things with work so he can go be with Dad. 

 

I am in awe of your - or rather your FIL's physician. This is the kind of care every person deserves at the end of life but only few receive.

 

:grouphug: to you and your family.

 

  • Like 8
Posted

If we had known the fluid was from his body shutting down, we wouldn't have pushed for him to come with us. We thought it was his heart (because he does have heart problems and is on medication for the fluid) and could be fixed, because that's what the nurses originally told us.

 

When his doctor told us it was his body shutting down and he didn't want him in the hospital, I felt terrible for pushing him to come with us.

 

Your thinking that the problem was his heart was reasonable. Your offer to move him was based on love and the information that was available at the time. Don't beat yourself up about that. You don't deserve it, and it isn't warranted. May you and your family find peace in the hard days ahead.

  • Like 10
Posted

:grouphug: I'm sorry. You are wonderful for honoring his wishes at this time.

Echo.

 

Peace and strength to you and your dh. Good palliative care will be a gift to you all in the coming weeks.

Posted

I am so very sorry for your family. I will pray for you all as you walk this difficult path. I was there recently with my mother, and it is not easy. Praying for a peaceful transition for your FIL, and peace and comfort for all of you.

Posted

You made the wisest decision you could with the things that you knew at the time - I'm so sorry your FIL is at the end and hope his last days with are painless and peaceful. I'm sorry your family will miss him so much :(

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