If someone flirted with your husband and you switch dentists

[Janeway]

Wow! My first post here (other than a reply I just made, ha ha) and THAT is my title!

 

Let me explain. We saw the same dentist for a long time. Then, our dentist took on a partner. And then, our dentist retired and the partner was the only owner of this practice. Most things were the same, but this one woman working in reception changed. My husband usually went at a different time from me so maybe I just did not notice her until this day. This was last winter, I think in the spring. I do not recall exactly when. For whatever reason, we were both at the office at the same time. We started sending our middle schoolers there. And this reception person was flirting with my husband, in front of me! I was shocked. I actually asked her to repeat herself and what did she mean by that. I was not aggressive. I was truly shocked. My husband and I are not hot at all. We are frumpy, and old, and frumpy. We definitely could use way more exercise and way less carbs. My husband is not outgoing at all. It defies logic why she was being so rude to me and flirting with him. I thought I was imaging it, but my husband saw it too, and it was so way over the top, I could not believe she did this right there. I ended up telling her, while my husband was there, to cancel his next appointment as well as mine. Then she had the nerve to call a few weeks later to make sure he was going to be at his appointment and that she looked forward to seeing him. Again...a complete "whaaaat?" moment. My husband works for a major company, is married, we live in a nice house, he makes a decent living but we are not wealthy, he is overweight, and has little energy and very introverted. He does have beautiful eyes? Well, he does have pretty eyes, but he is so introverted. Maybe she is the type of woman who preys on married men? I tried to call back and speak to the office manager and got her, so I gave up. My husband is usually not someone who notices much or picks up on stuff, but even he said he really noticed it and did not want to go back there, he was not comfortable.

 

Moving forward. Its been months and we are past due for our 6 month check up. My nice neighbor who I am friends with, well, her grandson has opened practice as a dentist here in town! I hear from another neighbor that he is wonderful! I made an appointment and go Friday. I am excited to see how this goes.

 

I have not been to a new dentist in, so long, I have no clue. What if he asks, or anyone asks, why we left the other practice? What happened was so embarrassing. I would never want to tell anyone. Ok..I wish I had a way to let that dentist know what happened, what her receptionist did. But honestly, I did not even know the receptionists name. I was too flustered to find out. Would it be weird to say "oh, I heard from friend's grandson opened practice and wanted to try?" That sounds so cheesy! Am I overthinking this?

[gardenmom5]

Why didn't you talk to the dentist? He might want to know where his patients are going. Skip an office manager -which would be her in a small office.

 

DH did have a waitress in a high end restaurant repeatedly put her chest in his face. I guess she thought it would get her a better tip. He kept turning away from her, but she was clueless.

[Barb_]

"It wasn't a good fit."

[Barb_]

And really I've never had a dentist, doctor or hairdresser ask me why I left the last one. I switch all the time.

[OnMyOwn]

Janeway, I hope I don't offend you, but the way you wrote that out is so funny. I just read it to my husband and it made both of us smile. I don't think I'd give any reason for switching dentists other than that you were looking for a change. I wonder if they will even ask?

Edited February 18, 2016 by OnMyOwn

[clementine]

I smiled when I read your post too.  I don't have a flirtatious dentist, but my neighbor flirts with dh.  I forbid him to make eye contact with her if at all possible.  

 

I think I'd just say something like 'Our insurance changed.' or 'This office is more convenient.' or something casual like that.  

[Garga]

I've never had a doctor/dentist ask why I left the last one. If the next dentist does ask you can always say, "Why do you ask?"I can see them asking only if they are trying to find out whether you had a bad experience and need to be treated with extra special care. People are often terrified of the dentist and the dentist might need to know if you have a fear or phobia of the dentist.

 

I don't like confrontation in the slightest, but I would find a way to tell the original dentist directly what happened. I think it would be the right thing to do--to help out a person that might not know that they are losing customers because of the receptionist.

[redsquirrel]

How do you forbid an adult from doing something with his or her eyes, lol?  Are there consequences if his glance strays?

 

Seriously, OP, I doubt it will ever come up. If it does, say it was more about convenience, the location of the new dentist's office to other things etc.

 

And flirting like that is rarely about the person being flirted at. It is more about the person doing the flirting. She is prob one of those sad people who is only able to interact with members of the opposite sex in a sexual way. Similar to men who feel like they have the right to cat call at women or make comments about their appearance. Especially the fact that she was rude to you makes me think that. He is a man, so she must flirt, you are a woman, so she sees you as competition.  It's really sad. Just imagine on all the good friends she has lost out on. Not to mention, it make her terrible at her job.

 

There are some women and men who are  bit flirty with everyone, I don't usually mind them because it is more clear to me then that it is just their way of being in the world. I don't mean actually trying to be sexual or anything, just...flirty.

 

We changed mechanics because they hired an office manager and he was such an ass that I said I would never go there again. He was by turns condescending and fake overly friendly. Both felt very creepy. I felt strongly that this was because I am a woman. My husband never noticed anything odd about his behavior, but didn't question my desire to get a new mechanic. The new place was actually much, much more convenient. But, the place I had been using never called to see why I didn't come back, and they had been my mechanic for over 10 years. Like, when I started going they were brand new and they used to hang out and chat when I picked up my car and stuff. But, I was not dealing with that asshat for another moment.

 

Edited February 18, 2016 by redsquirrel

[Suzanne in ABQ]

I doubt they would ask, but if they did, I'd just say that the office wasn't very professional.

[Ravin]

I would have been amused by someone hitting on my husband at the dentist. I'd probably suggest she ask him out for coffee.

 

If there was a situation with staff and I liked the dentist, I would probably go ahead and talk to him directly about it. And if I was very satisfied with the care, I would put up with a fair lot of annoyance from the staff for the sake of it.

[Davysmom]

I agree you likely won't be asked.

 

I would think that like a PP said that this is her way. A lot of women are like this. It is how they relate. They flirt without really even thinking about it. The feel like it helps build relationships and keep business. Casual flirting like that wouldn't bother me because it is more about her than him. As long as you aren't worried that he would take her up on anything, her flirting wouldn't bother me.

 

My dh has had women actually come right out and ask him out. One of them wouldn't take I am married as a No. He said I am happily married. And she said do you fool around. Crazy!

 

 

[Janeway]

What I kind of think is funny was that I actually asked her to repeat herself, and I asked her more than once, and she did repeat! LOL I guess, while I find my husband to be gorgeous and all, it was shocking to see someone actually flirt with him like that, and flirt with him while I was right there. 

[Garga]

What I kind of think is funny was that I actually asked her to repeat herself, and I asked her more than once, and she did repeat! LOL I guess, while I find my husband to be gorgeous and all, it was shocking to see someone actually flirt with him like that, and flirt with him while I was right there.

 

What did she say??

[naturegirl]

When I switched dentists the new dentist asked why I left the old one. I was surprised and I don't think I was very articulate so I think it's good to think about these things ahead of time. I also think it makes sense to tell the dentist you left why you left. He/she would want to know that there was a problem with a staff member.

[TX Native]

What did she say??

Add me to the list of curious about what she said even though it is none of my business ;)

[kitten18]

What did she say??

Yes, I'm so curious now.

[Jenny in Florida]

What I kind of think is funny was that I actually asked her to repeat herself, and I asked her more than once, and she did repeat! LOL I guess, while I find my husband to be gorgeous and all, it was shocking to see someone actually flirt with him like that, and flirt with him while I was right there. 

 

 

What did she say??

 

I'm so glad I'm not the only one who really wants to know!

[SKL]

Dang, I've had a few times when I wished the (unmarried) doctor would flirt with me, but no luck.  :/

 

But my dad, who is also not exactly a hunk, has had various women flirt with him.  Some even devised schemes to get him alone.  It must be scary for guys like him, LOL.  My mom finds it a mix of funny and outrageous.

 

OP, I think you will have many laughs about this in the future.  :)

 

As for why you left your previous dentist, I agree with "the office wasn't as professional as it should have been" or some such.  But I agree, you probably won't be asked.

[PrairieSong]

I've never been asked at any doctor's or dentist's office why I left the last one. Since you are worried about what you will answer, have a short, simple response ready just in case.

 

I would contact the dentist and tell him why you left. He would want to know!

[heartlikealion]

Wow, that's crazy.

 

I have not always wanted to share why I left an office. This last time I blamed it on location, though really, it's no one's business and I doubt they will ask. I actually left because my dentist dropped my mouth guard and as far as I could tell did not sanitize it any way before directing me to open my mouth back up to fit it in again. I was so grossed out.

 

I think a vague answer like suggested above is fine.

 

I hope this new office works out for you :)

[PeacefulChaos]

Add me to the list of the curious.  :lol: :D

 

 

My DH gets flirted with a lot, but not when I'm there lol.  I can't even imagine.  I'd probably burst out laughing or something.  I don't even know.  :D

[Guest]

I'm guessing "Because the receptionist there was a hussy" isn't an appropriate response?  :huh:

[LucyStoner]

I don't think it will come up. Your old dentist is unlikely to search you out and ask you.

 

That said, some people flirt with my husband. He's attractive in that nerdy hipster sort of a way and he's extremely funny and charming. I don't care for two reasons.

 

1) Most of them are just flirting. They aren't hitting on him or propositioning him.

 

2) He's never shown any of them reciprocal interest. I've got the milkshake that brings him to the yard, lol. He knows where he's going to sleep each night so I've never given it too much thought. He once had a co-worker who was more than flirting at one point and I pretty much just laughed about it. I found her visible distain for my mere exsistence to be all the more humorous. I will admit that I was glad when she moved but that was because she was kinda being a jerk to my husband after he turned down her overtures.

 

I probably wouldn't change dentists if I liked the dentist.

Edited February 18, 2016 by LucyStoner

[Reefgazer]

Honestly, I would have just ignored this one.  DH and I had a similar circumstance happen to us (and on more than one occasion, 'though not at a dentist's office) and we just had a goofy laugh about it later. 

 

But...since you've already got yourself lined up with a new dentist you may as well go there.  I would just tell the new dentist (if they even ask) that you left because the behavior of the office staff was not what you expect from a dental/doctor office.  I just switched dentists a year ago, and that was the reason I gave for leaving; I was unhappy with a particular policy of theirs.  No one was flirting with DH or I, and I didn't want to malign the office staff even though I was unhappy with a particular policy of the practice's.  I felt strongly enough about it that all 4 of us left, permanently.  Anyway, our new dentist did ask why we left, probably because we had been there going on 15 years.

Wow! My first post here (other than a reply I just made, ha ha) and THAT is my title!

 

Let me explain. We saw the same dentist for a long time. Then, our dentist took on a partner. And then, our dentist retired and the partner was the only owner of this practice. Most things were the same, but this one woman working in reception changed. My husband usually went at a different time from me so maybe I just did not notice her until this day. This was last winter, I think in the spring. I do not recall exactly when. For whatever reason, we were both at the office at the same time. We started sending our middle schoolers there. And this reception person was flirting with my husband, in front of me! I was shocked. I actually asked her to repeat herself and what did she mean by that. I was not aggressive. I was truly shocked. My husband and I are not hot at all. We are frumpy, and old, and frumpy. We definitely could use way more exercise and way less carbs. My husband is not outgoing at all. It defies logic why she was being so rude to me and flirting with him. I thought I was imaging it, but my husband saw it too, and it was so way over the top, I could not believe she did this right there. I ended up telling her, while my husband was there, to cancel his next appointment as well as mine. Then she had the nerve to call a few weeks later to make sure he was going to be at his appointment and that she looked forward to seeing him. Again...a complete "whaaaat?" moment. My husband works for a major company, is married, we live in a nice house, he makes a decent living but we are not wealthy, he is overweight, and has little energy and very introverted. He does have beautiful eyes? Well, he does have pretty eyes, but he is so introverted. Maybe she is the type of woman who preys on married men? I tried to call back and speak to the office manager and got her, so I gave up. My husband is usually not someone who notices much or picks up on stuff, but even he said he really noticed it and did not want to go back there, he was not comfortable.

 

Moving forward. Its been months and we are past due for our 6 month check up. My nice neighbor who I am friends with, well, her grandson has opened practice as a dentist here in town! I hear from another neighbor that he is wonderful! I made an appointment and go Friday. I am excited to see how this goes.

 

I have not been to a new dentist in, so long, I have no clue. What if he asks, or anyone asks, why we left the other practice? What happened was so embarrassing. I would never want to tell anyone. Ok..I wish I had a way to let that dentist know what happened, what her receptionist did. But honestly, I did not even know the receptionists name. I was too flustered to find out. Would it be weird to say "oh, I heard from friend's grandson opened practice and wanted to try?" That sounds so cheesy! Am I overthinking this?

 

[JustEm]

Hehe. My dh is quite attractive and has been hit on many times. I've even had women who don't know I'm his wife mention how good looking he is(this is while he's teaching martial arts and I'm sitting there waiting for my kids classes to be done.) It is hard not to feel the embarrassment they are emitting once I say he's my dh. I've had men sigh when they find out he's straight and married. We are quite amused by it.

[madteaparty]

In a completely not-snarky way: I am impressed everyone is super secure and confident in their spouses' ability to rationally discern the situation and enforce boundaries.

 

OP, I agree new dentist won't ask, not to worry.

[creekland]

Neither hubby nor I are in the good-looking category, but there are still occasionally folks who will flirt with us.  We laugh about it.  I think as a pp suggested, it's a personality trait of theirs.  We wouldn't have switched dentists.  It wouldn't have even occurred to either of us to do so over that since we both love our dentist.  (Hubby's got an appt today actually.)  We'd have just enjoyed the laugh.

 

I don't think I've ever had anyone ask why I switched offices, but I don't often switch without a major reason like having moved, so my experience is very limited.  I'd probably say "I just wanted to try someone new."

 

The last time someone tried hitting on me hubby and I had just finished eating dinner at a restaurant on the beach (in FL).  He went off to pay the bill since no one came to pick it up at our table.  I went to the railing next to our table and stared out at the ocean.  A rather ugly dude from the bar wandered up and started talking with me - benign stuff about the water/view.  I politely answered him.  Then he kept at it... wanting to know if I wanted company or was interested in getting together in the next couple of days.

 

That particular story has stayed in our "fun stories to share" memory banks and we still get a laugh out of it when reminiscing.  Hubby loves talking about how he rescued me that night.  He did!  I've seen a lot, but this was really a WTH??? moment!   :lol:  We admit to wondering if the guy did it on a dare or was truly that desperate (or mentally ill).  It's not like we'd been arguing or anything of that nature.  

[lynn]

Women flirt with dh all the time. It's quite amusing actually.

 

the new office probably won't ask or if they do "it was time for a change" is all they need.

Edited February 18, 2016 by lynn

[Miss Peregrine]

Maybe he's got really great bicuspids.

[heartlikealion]

I think I'd want to move along, too, even though I trust that dh wouldn't give me anything to worry about. I actually had quite a problem with a female coworker of his before and I laughed when I read LucyStoner's post because I was glad to see her move as well. It's just a matter of respect/comfort/principle to me. And in this case, it sounds like the OP's service wasn't great from Ms. Flirty ("she was being so rude to me"). I've had less than great attitude from a front desk person at a dr's office before and I can see overlooking it, but in this case I can easily see not overlooking it.

 

[Excelsior! Academy]

If it was a new receptionist is it possible she didn't realize what she was doing was being perceived as flirting?  It's pretty brazen to flirt openly in front of one's spouse.  Could she just be young and clueless?

[Spryte]

I've never had a dentist ask why we switched. I think that's going to be a non issue.

 

Our CPA flirts mercilessly with DH. I laugh about it. Once a year - meh, I don't care. She's one of those women who only knows how to relate to men with flirting.

[Seasider]

She's one of those women who only knows how to relate to men with flirting.

I know people like this. It's weird, they can speak perfectly normal to me, but let a man enter the arena and sheesh, it's like flipping a switch! I always wonder about such a person's childhood/youth, what role models they had, who they've adopted this behavior from...

 

My husband now thinks it's funny when we're around the ones we know. He said he never gave it a second thought before I pointed it out, but now that he's tuned in, he has to try hard not to laugh aloud when the switch flips.

Edited February 18, 2016 by Seasider

[Tsuga]

In a completely not-snarky way: I am impressed everyone is super secure and confident in their spouses' ability to rationally discern the situation and enforce boundaries.

 

OP, I agree new dentist won't ask, not to worry.

 

Mine doesn't even realize I'm looking for sex when I come up and rub my body all over him. "Do you have an itch?"

 

I don't think he'd get flirting until too late.

 

Then when he finally realized what he'd missed, he'd just feel really sexy about himself and take it out on me and I don't mind. :D

[heartlikealion]

Mine doesn't even realize I'm looking for sex when I come up and rub my body all over him. "Do you have an itch?"

 

I don't think he'd get flirting until too late.

 

Then when he finally realized what he'd missed, he'd just feel really sexy about himself and take it out on me and I don't mind. :D

 

:lol:

 

[Liz CA]

Hehe. My dh is quite attractive and has been hit on many times. I've even had women who don't know I'm his wife mention how good looking he is(this is while he's teaching martial arts and I'm sitting there waiting for my kids classes to be done.) It is hard not to feel the embarrassment they are emitting once I say he's my dh. I've had men sigh when they find out he's straight and married. We are quite amused by it.

 

:lol: :lol: :lol:  Did you string them along a bit? I probably would have been sorely tempted, something like: "Yeah, he is easy on the eyes, isn't he?" Pause. Wait a while for the next comment. " And he does dishes and the lawn as well. Oh let me introduce myself, I am Mrs..."

 

[Seasider]

:lol: :lol: :lol: Did you string them along a bit? I probably would have been sorely tempted, something like: "Yeah, he is easy on the eyes, isn't he?" Pause. Wait a while for the next comment. " And he does dishes and the lawn as well. Oh let me introduce myself, I am Mrs..."

 

Yes! So funny.

[Liz CA]

That particular story has stayed in our "fun stories to share" memory banks and we still get a laugh out of it when reminiscing.  Hubby loves talking about how he rescued me that night.  He did!  I've seen a lot, but this was really a WTH??? moment!   :lol:  We admit to wondering if the guy did it on a dare or was truly that desperate (or mentally ill).  It's not like we'd been arguing or anything of that nature.  

 

You silly! You are a looker and don't know it.

[3 ladybugs]

I am also in the camp of my husband gets flirted with all the time. I am not sure I have ever seen it as I don't pay attention to that sort of thing, but I am sure it happens often. He has had female co-workers come up to him and tell him about infertility issues and such. When we were first married I would question him on it (as I thought it was odd) but now I just realize that he is easy for them to talk to, and odds are, they really need to talk to someone. 

 

As far as the OP issue, I don't think they will ask why you left the dentist. We left a dentist about 10 years ago because of billing irregularities. I didn't tell my current dentist that. I imagine we will be leaving this dentist soon as he is about to retire. Not sure where we will end up but these things happen. 

[SparklyUnicorn]

I don't think my husband would notice such a thing.  It all sounds rather comical. 

 

I think if you aren't comfortable with the place though, so be it.  There are other dentists out there.

 

 

[Miss Peregrine]

Old ladies love my dh for some reason. They say if I'm ever tired if him they will take him. :lol:

 

He also gets the women who unbutton their shirts just so, to get out of a ticket. Annoying, but badge bunnies are part of the job.

[Liz CA]

Old ladies love my dh for some reason. They say if I'm ever tired if him they will take him. :lol:

 

He also gets the women who unbutton their shirts just so, to get out of a ticket. Annoying, but badge bunnies are part of the job.

 

Badge Bunnies... :lol: :lol:  This was a new one for me.

 

[FaithManor]

If we switched going here or there every time a woman flirted with dh, we wouldn't go anywhere. While he isn't Ryan Gosling or anything, he is very nice looking, and has a pretty good looking body, tends to be dressed to kill whenever he is out (business dress, lots of suits due to his line of work), has a great sense of humor, and his eyes twinkle when he smiles. He knows how to make conversation.

 

And he's as dense a boulder so he NEVER EVER picks up on it when someone is flirting with him. Seriously, I just stand there shaking my head because he doesn't get it. Women flirted with him in college when we were engaged, and he never once thought that was going on, just oblivious.

 

As for switching dentists/doctors, I've not once had anyone ask.

[PinkyandtheBrains.]

 

 

Are we talking flirting? Or full on propositioning?

 

I don't care about flirting.

 

I've never been asked why I changed offices.

[Guest]

I don't think the new office will ask.

 

If they do, I guess you have a moral conundrum on your hands. Do you want to//not want to gossip about that woman? Are you bursting at the seams to tell someone irl that your huz was hit on? Do you think other people need to be warned off your old dentist? Do you subscribe to the loose lips sink ships philosophy?

 

Your call.

 

 

This thread title tho.

 

[GAPeachie]

Most dentists won't ask why you left.  They may ask how you heard about their office to see what advertising is effective.  They may also have a referral program.  Our dentist used to give us a giftcard every time we referred someone to his new office.  They would mail them to us and never disclose who the patient was but we knew. 

 

My husband has a very likeable, interesting personality.  Many people confide in him.  Several people have crossed the line into flirting and one into the line of propositioning him.  The proposition came when we were working for the same company and we were engaged but not married.  He openly told me about that one. 

 

We rarely mix business and pleasure. 

 

As a habit, we make sure that we are never behind closed doors alone with someone of the opposite gender, and we have an open policy on our phones and emails.  We know each other's passwords, though I've only used a password once in my 12 year marriage to print something for him.  

That said, if we were uncomfortable with the exchange, we would have said so.  When people ask questions I find intrusive, I ask, "Why do you ask?"  I would have just told the woman, "That was over the line, is there any other business we need to complete?"  Actually, my husband would have beat me to it, but it would have sounded similar.  

I have overlooked really terrible office staff of all types because I liked the professional they worked for.   (Dentists, doctors, etc.)  But I've also changed if the professional wasn't up to snuff- Like the pediatrician that spent the entire appointment looking at my chest when we were there for a new baby appointment. 

Edited February 18, 2016 by GAPeachie

[Peaceful Isle]

My husband doesn't get flirted with, but I think he is quite handsome. Well,...maybe he does and I just don't notice? Anyways, I really want to know exactly what the flirty lady said! Lol

[JustEm]

I can't quote but I don't play along with these women because they help pay dh's salary so I don't want to embarrass them beyond coming back! I do poke fun at my friend because he drunkenly admitted to being quite attracted to dh. He'll never live that moment down.

[Pen]

Wow! My first post here (other than a reply I just made, ha ha) and THAT is my title!

 

 I was shocked. I actually asked her to repeat herself and what did she mean by that. 

 

Great catchy title!

 

But come on, what did she say?!?!?!

 

 

:lol: :lol: :lol:  Did you string them along a bit? I probably would have been sorely tempted, something like: "Yeah, he is easy on the eyes, isn't he?" Pause. Wait a while for the next comment. " And he does dishes and the lawn as well. Oh let me introduce myself, I am Mrs..."

 

 

 

Could be interpreted as that you guys have an open marriage and you are  encouraging and condoning the other person's interest in your husband. 

 

Stringing along can be a sort of a form of flirting in itself. Sometimes. Especially when you don't know how it will be taken. 

 

And, gently, but if the other person is a single woman who did not know that your dh is married, it even seems a little mean to me.

 

 

Edited February 19, 2016 by Pen

[Jean in Newcastle]

Wow! My first post here (other than a reply I just made, ha ha) and THAT is my title!

 

 

Is there a glitch?  It says that you have more than 200 posts.

 

I agree with others that you probably won't need to explain your move to a new dentist and if you do, you can just do a vague, "I thought this would be a better fit" or something like that.