So, here it is: My mid-life crisis.

[Jenny in Florida]

Since I resigned from substitute teaching -- a job I had for only five months and hated, by the way -- a couple of weeks ago, I have felt like I am in some kind of free-fall. Mind you, I still have three other part-time jobs. It's not like I'm unemployed. I'm also not our primary breadwinner, so it's not like we'll starve or go broke if my weekly workload is lighter for a few months.

 

This should be: No. Big. Deal.

 

But, oh boy, I'm not in a good place.

 

I've been sick for a few days (still trying to fight off whatever yuck my beloved son infected me with before he went back to school) and have been passing a lot of hours re-watching Gilmore Girls on Netflix. And I find myself feeling insanely, weirdly like I've done my whole life wrong. I just feel so much at loose ends. 

 

I want to go back in time and get an Ivy League education.

 

I want to start a new career.

 

I want there to be some kind of clear path, with defined goals to work toward.

 

I want to be starting all over and feeling like there are all of those possibilities ahead.

 

I want to pick up the whole snowglobe of my life and shake it with all of my might.

 

And, look, I know where it's all coming from. I know I'm still coping with the transition from all of those years as a full-time, homeschooling mom -- the only job I've ever really loved -- to . . . not. I recognize that it's not practical for me to invest the time or money that would be necessary to get a second degree of any kind, let alone anything really challenging or presigious. And it's not like I even know what degree or career I would be pursuing if it were feasible. 

 

I'm 51. We have tens of thousands of dollars of debt left to pay off our daughter's degree AND two more years of paying the portion of our son's college expenses not covered by his scholarships. We do not have nearly enough money for retirement and next to no assets. It is completely impractical and self-indulgent for me to feel sorry for myself and to be fixated on this. 

 

But I haven't figured out how to talk myself out of it yet. And it's making me miserable.

 

 

 

[Carol in Cal.]

Homeschooling is deeply satisfying, and quite an accomplishment, plus it's something that is very much a sole proprietor, Like A Boss kind of activity, despite its frustrations at times.  So it's not surprising that the alternatives you mention are less satisfying.  

 

And yes, that would be the classic Mid Life Crisis set of symptoms--especially the snow globe one.

 

So you're 51.  You could kick butt in college.  You could run rings around all those dreamy, unfocussed, still lacking in brain development 18 year olds.  So what if you will be 55 when you graduate.  If you don't graduate, you will be 55 without that degree.  Go for it!

[lmrich]

You are feeling sick which makes everything seem more blue. Hang in there. You will find your second chapter (or maybe your third or fourth) soon. It seems like this is your time to get to know yourself again. I think you showed that by quitting a job you did not like; that took courage. You will keep discovering things about yourself with time. 

[TammyinTN]

Jenny....I'm right there with ya.   

[Jenny in Florida]

You know, my mother was in her upper 50's when my dad left her. She picked herself up and went to college, graduating at the age of 60. Yes, seriously. She had been a full-time homemaker for 40 years. She finally realized her dream of going to college. She was even able to put her degree to work for a few years before she hit retirement age. I know you said finances are an issue, but I want you to realize that your age is not an issue in going to college.

 

Oh, I know. The age thing is relevant only because, given the financial sacrifice that would be required to send me back to school, the potential return on investment is a pretty big deal. And at my age, the numbers just don't add up.

[shanvan]

Oh, I know. The age thing is relevant only because, given the financial sacrifice that would be required to send me back to school, the potential return on investment is a pretty big deal. And at my age, the numbers just don't add up.

What about looking at colleges, finding what you'd like to do and trying to find a way to take one little step in that direction.  Maybe one class?  Maybe at the community college?  Could you start there and see where it leads? 

Edited January 21, 2016 by shanvan

[PeterPan]

Have you done some online career testing to see if there are things you aren't considering?  Like maybe a rewarding career that wouldn't require more training?  Or maybe a job which you could qualify for with a BA from a closer (non-Ivy, not expensive) school?  Then go CLEP out of some of the classes?  I mean, mercy, you'd probably CLEP out of quite a bit, given everything you've done as a homeschooler.  Then you'd be down to three years already.  

 

Volunteering is another way to get a job.  You can end up so indispensable that they hire you.  At this point, my thought is that when I'm doing homeschooling I'll volunteer places.

[Vida Winter]

I recommend the book, Making a Living Without a Job, by Barbara Winter. It's a great place to start to re-evaluate your life and brainstorm ideas on what to do next. I read the original edition back in 1996 when I left the corporate world to start my own business. It raised me up from a very low point in my life.

 

ETA: I started a web design business, which I let go in 2006. I did, however, have a steady business and income for ~10 years. When my youngest completes high school I will be ready for my next business. 

Edited January 21, 2016 by Vida Winter

[SharonM]

I had my mid life crisis at 55 went back to school. I am 59 and soon to graduate (Whooooo HOoooo!) this year!

GO FOR IT! If you don't try you will be older any way and if you do you might make things a lot better in the next few years. I just picked up right where I left off when I found out I was preggers.

[Jenny in Florida]

What about looking at colleges, finding what you'd like to do and trying to find a way to take one little step in that direction.  Maybe one class?  Maybe at the community college?  Could you start there and see where it leads? 

 

Honestly, no. There are approximately 4,000 reasons why it does not make sense for me to go for another degree. We could start with the fact that I already have a degree and my husband -- who is the primary breadwinner -- does not. So, if we could devote the resources to sending either of us to school, it should be him. But that's only the beginning. Just trust me, sending me back to school is not a viable option unless money begins raining on us from the sky.

[Jenny in Florida]

Have you done some online career testing to see if there are things you aren't considering?  Like maybe a rewarding career that wouldn't require more training?  Or maybe a job which you could qualify for with a BA from a closer (non-Ivy, not expensive) school?  Then go CLEP out of some of the classes?  I mean, mercy, you'd probably CLEP out of quite a bit, given everything you've done as a homeschooler.  Then you'd be down to three years already.  

 

Volunteering is another way to get a job.  You can end up so indispensable that they hire you.  At this point, my thought is that when I'm doing homeschooling I'll volunteer places.

 

Yes, I've done a lot of research and a bunch of free online tests (including some folks here recommended). They haven't told me anything I don't know.

 

I already have a degree from a perfectly respectable state university. The whole Ivy thing, I think, is just me looking back at all of the branching paths I didn't properly explore back when I had the opportunity to do so.

[shanvan]

Honestly, no. There are approximately 4,000 reasons why it does not make sense for me to go for another degree. We could start with the fact that I already have a degree and my husband -- who is the primary breadwinner -- does not. So, if we could devote the resources to sending either of us to school, it should be him. But that's only the beginning. Just trust me, sending me back to school is not a viable option unless money begins raining on us from the sky.

Sometimes community colleges have non credit courses too.  Maybe something like that to get your feet wet?  Or a local club in an area of interest.  Does your Dh feel like his education should come first? 

 

I am in the same boat, but no time right now anyway, so I can't do a thing about it until later--but I will be figuring out ways to go back to school at some point if at all possible.

Edited January 21, 2016 by shanvan

[Jenny in Florida]

So you're 51.  You could kick butt in college.  You could run rings around all those dreamy, unfocussed, still lacking in brain development 18 year olds.  So what if you will be 55 when you graduate.  If you don't graduate, you will be 55 without that degree.  Go for it!

 

You know, if I didn't already have a degree, there might be an argument for sending me back to school to get one. But that isn't the situation. I just want to be able to go back in time and get a different degree from a different kind of school, which isn't a meaningful or realistic possibility.

[Garga]

Homeschooling is deeply satisfying, and quite an accomplishment, plus it's something that is very much a sole proprietor, Like A Boss kind of activity, despite its frustrations at times. So it's not surprising that the alternatives you mention are less satisfying.

 

And yes, that would be the classic Mid Life Crisis set of symptoms--especially the snow globe one.

 

So you're 51. You could kick butt in college. You could run rings around all those dreamy, unfocussed, still lacking in brain development 18 year olds. So what if you will be 55 when you graduate. If you don't graduate, you will be 55 without that degree. Go for it!

What's the phrase "like a boss" mean in this context? I've never heard that phrase used before. (Just curious)

[ktgrok]

Why do you wish you had done a different school and type of education? for a different job option? Or for the intellectual stimulation? If it is the second, is there a way to get that? Auditing classes, taking free courses online from an ivy school, joining a club or organization that offers that level of stimulation?

[mommymonster]

A few things that struck me from your post: 

 

1. You aren't feeling well. That's no good. Can you engage in some serious self-care for as long as it takes to feel better? Go to a doctor if you need it. Sleep more. Drink tea. Instead of Gilmore Girls, maybe go with documentaries? I'm not saying that snippily, of course. It might make you feel as though you're exercising your brain a bit while you're recovering? 

 

2. You have three part-time jobs. That's a lot. Would there be a way to trade them all in for one full-time job? I also have three part time jobs (not including homeschooling), and I find it really hard to be switching between them. It might be easier to focus on one thing for a while? Perhaps? 

 

3. There's a lot of ways to change things up without chucking in all you've started with... volunteering, community college course (we have community education classes that are super reasonable), maybe even an exercise class?

 

 

[PeterPan]

You know, if I didn't already have a degree, there might be an argument for sending me back to school to get one. But that isn't the situation. I just want to be able to go back in time and get a different degree from a different kind of school, which isn't a meaningful or realistic possibility.

Why don't you do grad school?  Shorter, less debt.  Maybe a place of the flavor you're wanting has an online program? 

[Mabelen]

I don't know what to tell you because I think I am having my own mid life crisis. I am about to turn 52. I work part time as a teacher's aid. I love what I do but the pay is not enough to keep me happy. I have my 11 year old dd although she attends a brick and mortar school. Ideally I would get my foreign degree convalidated, and work towards my teaching credential. Then I would get a teaching job in a dual language immersion program like the one I work at now, but what about my 11 year old then? I feel I'd be short changing her with all the school meetings and prepping involved. I cherish my time with her and I want to be guiding her through her teens like I did with my now college sophomore. The problem is that I will be 58 if I wait for my dd to graduate high school or close to! By then my husband will be retired or about to retire. Not sure yet what to do! One thing I agree with is you should take care of your health first. I just got over a nasty viral infection and my thinking was definitely cloudy. I would not be trying to make big decisions until all was well.

[Frances]

Have you considered using all of your homeschooling knowledge and experience to offer some small classes for homeschoolers? The challenge of researching and putting together the materials and lessons could be very intellectually stimulating, and you have so much to offer. And if it works, you could potentially grow it by adding other classes, instructors, and activities.

 

As for wishing you had pursued an Ivy degree, I think many people have a romanticized view of it that is often quite different from the reality. I speak from experience, as I earned my grad degree from a top ranked program at an Ivy. Looking back, about the only positive things I can say about the degree are that it opened some doors and it was free. I had much better experiences in every way, especially educationally, at my small undergrad LAC and my one grad year at a large state university.

[MaeFlowers]

I don't have any advice but I have felt the way you do. I think it was probably in the last year that I decided to get over it. I wished I had gotten a different degree. I wished I had used the degree I had. I wished I'd finished grad school. I wished, wished, wished that I had just done things differently or in a different order and had not "winged it" through so much of my past.

 

When I was younger, my Dad visited a psychiatrist and the told him about some of his regrets. The psychiatrist told him that regrets are a waste of time because, ultimately, we all do what we want to at the time. Thinking back on that conversation with my Dad so many moons ago, I realized that I have made the decisions I have for a reason. I used the information I had at the time to make the best choice I could (well, most of the time). I realized that so many of my regrets were based on notions of what I thought life would be when I was young. What I thought I would do, be, etc. When I was really honest with myself and took stock, I realized there wasn't that much I wanted to change and those old notions I had in my youth didn't matter all that much. The life I have now looks nothing like the life I thought I would have and that's okay.

 

So, I guess my advice (that I said I didn't have) would be to take stock. Be honest with yourself. Ask yourself if you really want another degree and, if so, why? Honestly, what would really have done differently?

[Chris in VA]

Just an out of the box thing-- are you part of the 52 books group? I know some are going to read books picked from WEM.

 

I know that doesn't really address your problem. Just a thought that might relate or get you started on a solution.

[Crimson Wife]

 

I already have a degree from a perfectly respectable state university. The whole Ivy thing, I think, is just me looking back at all of the branching paths I didn't properly explore back when I had the opportunity to do so.

 

And I have a degree from an Ivy caliber school but went back to get a second one from a state university (and not a "public Ivy" but one that is the less-selective of the 4 year systems).

 

Speech & Language Pathology wasn't on my radar screen in my 20's and even if it had been, I wouldn't have had the necessary patience back then to work with special needs kids. It took becoming mom to a child with multiple disabilities to learn that. I read an inspiring quote in the book Disability and the Gospel by Rev. Michael Beates that said something along the lines of this: God uses adversity like a sculptor uses a hammer and chisel to carve a beautiful statue from a block of marble.

 

Last spring I was feeling very depressed over the discovery of my little one's hearing loss. But I decided that instead of moping over something that I couldn't change, I would take action to try and help her. So I went back to school and now that I have a plan for the future, I do feel much better.

 

[*****]

I appreciate your honesty, as the feelings of being 'unemployed' once our kiddos finish homeschooling is all too real. Last year, my eldest went off to college and my 2nd child wanted to go to a bm school. I had accepted that and figured it would be my year to spend more time with my elderly mother. We had just moved her clear across the country 4 months prior to be closer to my family. So I was looking forward to taking her on field trips (since I wasn't doing that with the kids anymore) and visiting more with her... Well, one week after moving my daughter to college, mom had a major stroke and died. What a tailspin I went through...

 

I was feeling like you. Now what? In my 50's, no job so to speak, no mother... I had been raising my kids for 20 years and suddenly I felt like it all ended. I so wanted to do more with mom!  

 

Within a month, I had gotten a job at the school district, but like you, walked out in the first week. I felt rotten, as I felt like I let the district down. Never had I done anything like that before. What I realized was that I had not let myself grieve long enough. I needed time. Grieving not only the loss of my mother, but my job of raising and teaching my kids. I had never had such a loss, so I didn't know what to expect from the process. 

 

I did finally go through grieving classes. I felt more ready to move on after that and started to tutor.  Here I am 15 months after my mom died, and I am just now feeling like my head is clearer and I can actually finish a list of tasks in 1 day. I have no real advice to give except to acknowledge the feelings of loss we go through once we no longer teach our kids.  It is kind of like preparing us for when they do leave the nest...but right now, it is okay to take time for yourself. You have 3 jobs, but maybe you do need time for yourself, and to get caught up around your home.   Hugs...

 

 

 

[Prairie~Phlox]

Why did you go into debt paying for college? I'm just curious, dh & I don't have they money to send our kids, though because of his lower income they will get financial aid, we will not be helping them. Dh had his handed to him & he flunked out, I had to make my own way & I have a BS degree, it was more important to me. I know if they want to go badly enough, they will (dd just paid for 3 dual credit classes herself) My boys really aren't sure what they want to do, but we're not pushing them in any particular direction either.

[Chess Dad]

A few things that struck me from your post: 

 

1. You aren't feeling well. That's no good. Can you engage in some serious self-care for as long as it takes to feel better? Go to a doctor if you need it. Sleep more. Drink tea. Instead of Gilmore Girls, maybe go with documentaries? I'm not saying that snippily, of course. It might make you feel as though you're exercising your brain a bit while you're recovering? 

 

2. You have three part-time jobs. That's a lot. Would there be a way to trade them all in for one full-time job? I also have three part time jobs (not including homeschooling), and I find it really hard to be switching between them. It might be easier to focus on one thing for a while? Perhaps? 

 

3. There's a lot of ways to change things up without chucking in all you've started with... volunteering, community college course (we have community education classes that are super reasonable), maybe even an exercise class?

:iagree:

 

I agree and I send prayers your way. :grouphug:

[bettyandbob]

The three part time jobs thing stinks. I know because I am right there. I turned 50 yesterday. My immediate supervisor at one job told me he'd applied for a couple of other jobs, meaning he's leaving soon. I don't want to get used to a new boss. I also realized I forgot to do my time sheet at another job and sent an email this morning. I'm hoping I will get paid. And my third job is the most professional of the three. It pays the most. And I've come to hate it.

 

What job do you wish you could have? What is the minimum training you need to get in position for that job? What steps could you take? I've been trying to ask myself these questions. I got a couple of certifications. Some of my volunteer stuff with younger ds us relevant. I took one of my jobs in part because I needed money, but also because getting experience at that facility adds to my diversity of skills in that field. I'm hoping that I'm ready when I see the right opportunity. I'm also tired. Going to work every day of the week is hard. Going to two different jobs in a day is hard. I thought at this age things would be different.

Edited January 21, 2016 by Diana P.

[Jenny in Florida]

Why did you go into debt paying for college? I'm just curious, dh & I don't have they money to send our kids, though because of his lower income they will get financial aid, we will not be helping them. Dh had his handed to him & he flunked out, I had to make my own way & I have a BS degree, it was more important to me. I know if they want to go badly enough, they will (dd just paid for 3 dual credit classes herself) My boys really aren't sure what they want to do, but we're not pushing them in any particular direction either.

 

I'll admit that my first reaction to this was to think, "Well, gee, that's not really very helpful, is it?"

 

However, in answer to your question: Our daughter had special circumstances that made it seem like our best option. We were dealing with a profoundly gifted kid who was wilting academically and emotionally due to the limited opportunities we could offer locally. There was an early entrance program that promised appropriate academic challenge and a peer group. On paper, we make too much money to qualfiy for need-based aid. We were not willing to watch her go to pieces in front of our eyes. So, we did what we needed to do to support her.

 

I don't regret it one tiny bit. She is now 21 and pretty fiercely independent. She has been living on her own and supporting herself in NYC for about a year and a half. Although nothing is ever exactly as advertised, I still think we made the best decision we could given the situation and resources we were working with at the time. 

[Jenny in Florida]

Why do you wish you had done a different school and type of education? for a different job option? Or for the intellectual stimulation? If it is the second, is there a way to get that? Auditing classes, taking free courses online from an ivy school, joining a club or organization that offers that level of stimulation?

 

Tons of reasons, none of which I'll probably be able to articulate well here at the moment. I want to have had the experience of being challenged, of having to really earn it, I want to have started my life with a different set of options and opportunities open to me so that now, at this point, I would be in a different place. 

 

And, no, I don't think auditing a class or taking stuff free online (which I've done quite a bit of already) or joining a club is going to meet that need for me. It's a much bigger void I'm trying to fill.

[gingersmom]

Do you volunteer anywhere?

 

I have met several people that found their calling through volunteering (aka it led to fill time job/career)

[Jenny in Florida]

2. You have three part-time jobs. That's a lot. Would there be a way to trade them all in for one full-time job? I also have three part time jobs (not including homeschooling), and I find it really hard to be switching between them. It might be easier to focus on one thing for a while? Perhaps? 

 

Part of the deal is that I don't really want to lock into a full-time job yet. As long as my son is still in college relatively locally (about 90 minutes from home), retaining flexibility is important to me/to the family. 

[ktgrok]

Tons of reasons, none of which I'll probably be able to articulate well here at the moment. I want to have had the experience of being challenged, of having to really earn it, I want to have started my life with a different set of options and opportunities open to me so that now, at this point, I would be in a different place. 

 

And, no, I don't think auditing a class or taking stuff free online (which I've done quite a bit of already) or joining a club is going to meet that need for me. It's a much bigger void I'm trying to fill.

 

I could be off, but it sounds almost like you want to BE a different person, more than be in a different set of circumstances? Just a thought. 

[Alicia64]

 

I want to pick up the whole snowglobe of my life and shake it with all of my might.

 

 

I'm a writer so I can say this: you're a writer.

 

Back to the subject. Being sick is not the time to take yourself seriously. You feel awful. You feel blue. That's normal. Nobody feels optimistic and excited about life when they're sick.

 

People in our age group were raised within a different economy. Our parents went to college, landed good jobs, raised their kids, some divorced, they remodeled their kitchens, retired at 60 or 65 and played golf. More or less.

 

Our generation is navigating a different world. Cut yourself a lot of slack. Many of us will be working into our 70s. Many of us have had two or three careers. Many of us didn't "find ourselves" until we were 55.

 

I highly recommend reading a small book that you can get at the library called The Obstacle is the Way. It goes into the idea that the problem isn't the problem. How we tackle the problem and see the problem is everything.

 

The ideas in this book have really helped me to get a better handle on "problems" (which are absolutely part of everyone's life). I also have moments when I wish my life had taken a different path. I also think that's really normal. This book helped me to get everything into a better perspective.

 

When you feel better -- not now -- but when you feel better, pick a neat theme song for yourself like I Will Survive. Sounds dorky, but tricks like this can help.

 

And I agree: be proud that you peeled yourself from the herd and homeschooled. Make a list of the things you are proud of. It's easy to lose that list as we go about our daily life.

 

First, get better.  :grouphug:

 

Alley

[Mothersweets]

I'm 47 and feeling the exact same way.

 

Funny thing is, I still have 4 girls left at home and with the youngest being 9, it isn't as though I'm done. I just really feel at loose ends here.

 

I responded before reading the entire thread - I hope someone has an answer (antidote?) for this. :(

[meena]

:grouphug: I'm sorry you are having a difficult time and feeling sick on top of that.

 

I think it's totally normal to have the "two roads diverged in a yellow wood" thoughts--that is, recognizing the the paths we've chosen and feeling satisfied with those choices, but also feeling regrets or wishing we could have taken another path. I've had those thoughts many times, especially regarding my own higher education choices.

 

I'm not going to throw ideas at you, because it sounds like you need support more than ideas right now. You always come across as an intelligent, caring, thoughtful person and I know you'll find your path when the time comes. Until then, don't feel bad about a time of mental and professional rest.

[Seasider]

I haven't read all the replies but can I say - there's some odd satisfaction (reassurance? Validation?) that I'm not alone.

 

I'm generally okay with it, but here are my two sticking points... One, like you, Jenny, after pouring all the $$$ into educating our kids, there's no disposable income left for me to return to school. I'm trying to think creatively about that.

 

The other is that, because I have been so involved in my kids' schedules, I've put off dealing with some health and medical issues of my own. Now they are screaming for my attention and will probably involve a fair amount of time and money. Blech.

 

But Jenny, I agree with those who note that you're not feeling well, and that's probably affecting your mood. When you feel better, you can better navigate the "what am I gonna do with the rest of my life" decision matrix.

 

As for school, all you have to do is start with ONE class. You can do that without committing to a degree program.

[goldberry]

I totally get it.  What I really want is become a counselor. I have ONE year of college.  I started when DD was still in public school, and stopped when I started homeschooling.  I am a low energy person and I just did not have the energy or mental focus to do both. I know people do - but it is not something I am capable of.  I want to go back when she is done....but I'm thinking I have, what? Ten years ahead of me?  I know the 10 years will pass, regardless... but I'm just not sure it's worth it any more.  The money, the time...  And like the OP, I really need to start putting some effort into retirement, making money instead of spending more.

 

I have a dear friend I grew up with.  I was always the intellectual, career minded one, she wanted to be a mom.  She has three kids herself, but public schooled. She has been back in school to get her teaching degree.  A couple of months ago, she told me May was her graduation date. I spent the whole weekend crying. That was supposed to be me, you know?  

 

*end pity party*

[Seasider]

Okay, I've read through and agree that volunteering somewhere can be a great segue to a new vocation.

[Nan in Mass]

Hugs, Jenny. It sounds like you are bored to tears. That is probably about as unhelpful a comment as anyone could make, but if one of your children were in this state, what would you tell them? I would tell mine that they had to finish their current project even though it was at the boring, finishing up stage. (Parenting your college student. This takes time and energy but you HAVE to be on-call and available so you can,t really do anything else absorbing. As you pointed out. Very boring. Very necessary if you have "interesting" children.) I would tell them that in the creative process, there often is a very uncomfortable period of boredom before an idea emerges. I don,t know if that period happens to convince your brain of the need of an idea, or whether it happens because part of your brain is off being creative and the other part gets bored, but whatever it is, that period of unease, boredom, and unhappiness is well documented. I would tell my children to hang on and trust that a solution to their problem will emerge from this period, to keep mulling or hammering at the problem and not to do anything stupid while they were waiting. And then I would try to find something small and immediately cheering for them to do, like go for a walk and get their face in the sun. I probably would also check to make sure it was really a matter of boredom and not a matter of deep depression, which would entail an enquiry about whether they had ideas but lacked the energy to carry them out. Whatever you would say to you children is probably a better solution for you than what I would say to mine. For what it is worth, being in a similar situation with my own children,s school loans, I think you are right about going back to college and that you should look for intellectual companionship and challenges elsewhere. Maybe you could solve the problem of world peace and sustainability for me, if you want a challenge grin, or at least write a script that would inspire everyone else to work on the problem.

 

Lots and lots of hugs,

Nan

[lllll]

nm

Edited January 31, 2016 by - 8 95

[Carol in Cal.]

What's the phrase "like a boss" mean in this context? I've never heard that phrase used before. (Just curious)

Like a Boss means with the sole proprietor mindset, in which you're ultimately responsible for everything but also ultimately and completely in charge of everything.  It's hard to be an employee after you've Been A Boss.

[Crimson Wife]

OP, were you the one who had your transcript held hostage by your alma mater? Or am I confusing you with another poster? If it is you, were you able to get that sorted out?

[MysteryJen]

Hugs, Jenny. It sounds like you are bored to tears. That is probably about as unhelpful a comment as anyone could make, but if one of your children were in this state, what would you tell them? I would tell mine that they had to finish their current project even though it was at the boring, finishing up stage. (Parenting your college student. This takes time and energy but you HAVE to be on-call and available so you can,t really do anything else absorbing. As you pointed out. Very boring. Very necessary if you have "interesting" children.) I would tell them that in the creative process, there often is a very uncomfortable period of boredom before an idea emerges. I don,t know if that period happens to convince your brain of the need of an idea, or whether it happens because part of your brain is off being creative and the other part gets bored, but whatever it is, that period of unease, boredom, and unhappiness is well documented. I would tell my children to hang on and trust that a solution to their problem will emerge from this period, to keep mulling or hammering at the problem and not to do anything stupid while they were waiting. And then I would try to find something small and immediately cheering for them to do, like go for a walk and get their face in the sun. I probably would also check to make sure it was really a matter of boredom and not a matter of deep depression, which would entail an enquiry about whether they had ideas but lacked the energy to carry them out. Whatever you would say to you children is probably a better solution for you than what I would say to mine. For what it is worth, being in a similar situation with my own children,s school loans, I think you are right about going back to college and that you should look for intellectual companionship and challenges elsewhere. Maybe you could solve the problem of world peace and sustainability for me, if you want a challenge grin, or at least write a script that would inspire everyone else to work on the problem.

 

Lots and lots of hugs,

Nan

 

 

Nan, I can't tell you how much I needed to hear this. Thank you so much.

[LLMom]

I'm there too. I'll be 50 this summer. I have been homeschooling for 21 years and only worked a bit. I need to work part time soon and eventually full time (in 3 years), but I don't want to do anything with my degree (children/teaching). It is frustrating because like you, I don't have the financial means and no retirement to speak of. I don't even know what I like anymore.

[Ravin]

Since I resigned from substitute teaching -- a job I had for only five months and hated, by the way -- a couple of weeks ago, I have felt like I am in some kind of free-fall. Mind you, I still have three other part-time jobs. It's not like I'm unemployed. I'm also not our primary breadwinner, so it's not like we'll starve or go broke if my weekly workload is lighter for a few months.

 

This should be: No. Big. Deal.

 

But, oh boy, I'm not in a good place.

 

I've been sick for a few days (still trying to fight off whatever yuck my beloved son infected me with before he went back to school) and have been passing a lot of hours re-watching Gilmore Girls on Netflix. And I find myself feeling insanely, weirdly like I've done my whole life wrong. I just feel so much at loose ends. 

 

I want to go back in time and get an Ivy League education.

 

I want to start a new career.

 

I want there to be some kind of clear path, with defined goals to work toward.

 

I want to be starting all over and feeling like there are all of those possibilities ahead.

 

I want to pick up the whole snowglobe of my life and shake it with all of my might.

 

And, look, I know where it's all coming from. I know I'm still coping with the transition from all of those years as a full-time, homeschooling mom -- the only job I've ever really loved -- to . . . not. I recognize that it's not practical for me to invest the time or money that would be necessary to get a second degree of any kind, let alone anything really challenging or presigious. And it's not like I even know what degree or career I would be pursuing if it were feasible. 

 

I'm 51. We have tens of thousands of dollars of debt left to pay off our daughter's degree AND two more years of paying the portion of our son's college expenses not covered by his scholarships. We do not have nearly enough money for retirement and next to no assets. It is completely impractical and self-indulgent for me to feel sorry for myself and to be fixated on this. 

 

But I haven't figured out how to talk myself out of it yet. And it's making me miserable.

 

Sounds like you should go to law school.

[fairfarmhand]

The whole Ivy thing, I think, is just me looking back at all of the branching paths I didn't properly explore back when I had the opportunity to do so.

 

You know, it's easy to look back and chide yourself for missed opportunities. But I am sure that at the time, you made the best decision that you could. I've had these same feelings, and I bet when my youngest goes to college, I'll do it again.

 

You do sound bored.

 

You say that you really enjoyed homeschooling. Would you enjoy doing it for or helping others? Perhaps in a co-op or other type of class setting? I am having a blast teaching a drama class for teens. Don't let your perceived educational limits stand in your way. (Why would anyone hire me to blah blah blah. I don't have the right degree for that!)

 

[G5052]

:grouphug:

 

I'm with you there. Five years ago I was debating about getting a state teaching credential and resigned to the fact that my college teaching would never take off to the point that it support the family. We needed more $, and I was also foreseeing the need to take over as breadwinner. So even those who have worked along with homeschooling go through it.

 

Then four years ago an expected phone call from the boss of a friend led to part-time work which I now do full-time from home. And that's now my passion. I cut down my college teaching and other contract work, and I can support the family with just one employer now. It took me time to get here, and I took some poorly paying work here and there for the experience and contacts. But I love what I do and am very challenged by it. I can see doing this for at least another decade. I am homeschooling just an 11th grader now, so I'm in the final wind-down.

 

Anyway, just to encourage you that plans don't come together overnight. Sometimes it takes awhile to figure out and then get on the path you want.

[GinaPagnato]

I feel like this from time to time, but since I still have some kids at home, I'm not quite off the hook...  :)

 

Honestly, I think that when I compare the education my dc are getting through homeschooling, to the one-size-fits-all education I got, it makes me think of all the what-ifs...

 

What if I had received a more customized education in high school?

What if some of my (very obvious) talents had been nurtured and fed?

What if my non-talents (very obvious) had been given less focus in comparison to what I was good at and really enjoyed doing?

What if I had been inspired rather than beaten to death with drudgery?

 

But, like a PP said, I made the decisions I made at the time based on what seemed best. Hindsight being 20/20, there are a million things I probably would've changed, but I don't think that's useful to me now. Instead, I concentrate on pouring myself into the kids I still homeschool, provide moral, emotional, and financial support to the ones who aren't home, and sort of bide my time until Chapter 2 reveals itself. I REALLY hope Chapter 2 isn't boring!

 

I'm not yet an empty-nester like you, OP, but boy do I start to feel the feels that will come with that stage.

 

:grouphug:

[Jenny in Florida]

Sounds like you should go to law school.

 

I've always been attracted to the intellectual challenge of law school. The problem is that I have no actual interest in being a lawyer.

[brehon]

I've always been attracted to the intellectual challenge of law school. The problem is that I have no actual interest in being a lawyer.

Lol!! You sound like you have the makings of a good Con Law prof. :)

[Carol in Cal.]

I've always been attracted to the intellectual challenge of law school. The problem is that I have no actual interest in being a lawyer.

Law is not nearly as lucrative a profession as it used to be, either.  If you don't like it, don't do it for the money.  There is VERY good money in it, but not for the majority of lawyers, particularly sole practitioners.