So, here it is: My mid-life crisis.

[Jenny in Florida]

OP, were you the one who had your transcript held hostage by your alma mater? Or am I confusing you with another poster? If it is you, were you able to get that sorted out?

 

Yes, that's me. And, no, I haven't managed to make any progress on that. I was all fired up to try and negotiate and made a bunch of phone calls (something that is extremely difficult for me -- I hate phones), only to keep hitting dead ends. Then along came the holidays and I tabled the whole thing. And now, since I've given up one income stream and scheduling is very light at to of my other jobs, it no longer seems like the right time to be taking on additional monthly payments.

[Ravin]

Law is not nearly as lucrative a profession as it used to be, either.  If you don't like it, don't do it for the money.  There is VERY good money in it, but not for the majority of lawyers, particularly sole practitioners.

 

Yeah, this bears repeating. If you want a law career with work/life balance, you're not going to get rich. 

[ktgrok]

I've always been attracted to the intellectual challenge of law school. The problem is that I have no actual interest in being a lawyer.

 

LOL, I thought I was the only one! I looked into law school and it sounded fascinating. But I have no desire to be a lawyer. 

 

The more I muse on this, the more I wonder if you would do well involved in a non profit or charity, on a board or something. Something with some power to make a difference, where your smarts would be put to use and you'd be around people truly doing something. 

[EmilyGF]

Make sure you're not in the educational rut - there are other careers out there. :-)

 

Some former SAHM moms I know are now an engineer (she got hired to manage a department at a national lab because she had managed her six kids' education so well and worked her way up to be an engineer), a paralegal, nurse (how stereotypical, I know), bookkeeper (went to school at night forever and is now CPA)... another does filing at a university (and the university will pay half of any class she takes there) as a way to get back into working. 

 

I have friends who are divorced who went back to school (both had bachelor's) to earn more money and/or prestige. They have not been very successful because they jumped in too fast without enough investigation first. For example, one wanted to be a nurse but couldn't manage the math/science. If she had started with math/science at a community college, she might have made it. Or, she could have started as a nurse's assistant. Another jumped into getting a Master's in Education but now has ruled out being a teacher... she still has the debt and a useless-to-her degree. :-(

 

I hope you feel better soon.

 

Emily

 

 

[EmilyGF]

LOL, I thought I was the only one! I looked into law school and it sounded fascinating. But I have no desire to be a lawyer. 

 

The more I muse on this, the more I wonder if you would do well involved in a non profit or charity, on a board or something. Something with some power to make a difference, where your smarts would be put to use and you'd be around people truly doing something. 

I'm seeing a lot of suggestions for volunteer work, but it seems like Jenny wants to be able to earn more money... am I reading this right?

 

Emily

[Guest]

Jenny, I don't know what I would do if I had to go earn some money.  And I've thought about it.  It's in part the "like a boss" syndrome, in part that I don't feel as sharp as I used to so going back to my old field is not really a possibility...  I have done my share of "why didn't I"-ing (better college, taking it seriously, thinking more about the actions I was taking and not just going along with the crowd, etc.  I understand THAT process.  

 

I used to be a marketing big shot and now I feel like I would have to beg to drive their employee vans around town for a part time job.  LOL (yes, I do laugh at that...)

 

When I was kind of at the low point of my doldrums (which were both mid-life and disappointment-related), I had something interesting happen to me.  Thinking i was doing a friend a favor, I offered to drive her son around to do his photography.  Well, turns out, the favor was given to ME.  This wonderful young man rekindled my interest in photography which has given me something I am *interested* in, and I have been told that I'm good enough to do it as a business (in a niche) but I'm too lazy as I don't really need the money/aggravation.  But the other thing it gave me was healing in that my relationship with my own son was damaged at that point and I felt pretty bad about that.  Being friends with another young person did me worlds of good, and gave me a path back to my own kid.  Interesting.  

 

I guess that what I am saying is that when I started looking for someone I could serve, I was given a path forward out of my doldrums.  Mine were different from yours in cause and how they need to be remedied, but I thought I would share my own path.  

 

Hang in there.  I love this phrase:  When you're going thru hell, KEEP GOING!  ((J))

 

[BlsdMama]

Could it have more to do with seeing your kids leave home?

 

I only have one in college and another takes morning classes.  But I've found myself having a hard time with them coping and moving on.  I feel a little.... let down?  Like I worked really hard at their education but that it's over and I have very little to show for it.  Now THEY have a lot to show for it, but I am in their little emptied nest, kwim?  (Granted I have a lot more up and comers) but it has started me looking forward, like what happens when the rest are gone?

 

It's a very unsettling place to be... To be content, for many years, to be striving towards a goal.  Then you ACTUALLY hit the goal and you're left feeling a little empty, like what do you reach for next?  And to realize you're not as young and energetic as you were when you started reaching towards that first goal.

 

Honestly Jenny?  I had to go back to school for my own sanity.  I needed to know I was reaching towards something for ME.  The young me would have said it was self-indulgent.  The older me realizes these kids are going to go to college, get married, start their own family, and if I don't have something other than THEM to look forward to, then I'm going to be a lonely old woman waiting for them to find time to visit me.  And I foresee it making me a little bitter and a little resentful. 

 

So I started classes again, not in something practical per se, but in something that LIGHTS ME UP.  It's going to take a while - I can only take online classes currently and definitely not my Masters until the youngest ones are several years older, but just taking steps helps.  It also helps that I'm receiving "outside" atta-boys in the form of grades.  Maybe it's shallow? But, such is life.  I'm shallow then.  Still I like knowing I can still learn, still be academically successful, still work hard.

 

It has allowed me to be okay with CONTINUING to homeschool.  Homeschooling is a largely unselfish venue.  And good for us that choose to do it!  But when that allure of shiny new curriculum wears off and you have the grind left to do and you want to be LIT UP for your other kids or whatever.... You better have something that recharges your battery.  I'd love to be amazing and wax philosophically about just being elated to be doing the right thing, but I'm a little tired.

 

I'd find something you love.  At 51, you could very well have another good 30+ years in you.  Heck, I visited my 90 year old grandpa this weekend.  That's a long time to not have anything to be excited about.

[BlsdMama]

I'm seeing a lot of suggestions for volunteer work, but it seems like Jenny wants to be able to earn more money... am I reading this right?

 

Emily

 

 

I think I'd use the term "ministering" to someone and that can certainly be paid.

 

I'm going back to school for Language and Communication Disorders (i.e., dyslexia specialist) and it will minister to others (make me feel really good about doing something I perceive as needed and important) and be a paid position.

 

Use your gifts and interests to love on others.... And get paid. ;)  If it means going back to school, I'd strongly consider it.

[Dicentra]

Since I resigned from substitute teaching -- a job I had for only five months and hated, by the way -- a couple of weeks ago, I have felt like I am in some kind of free-fall. Mind you, I still have three other part-time jobs. It's not like I'm unemployed. I'm also not our primary breadwinner, so it's not like we'll starve or go broke if my weekly workload is lighter for a few months.

 

This should be: No. Big. Deal.

 

But, oh boy, I'm not in a good place.

 

I've been sick for a few days (still trying to fight off whatever yuck my beloved son infected me with before he went back to school) and have been passing a lot of hours re-watching Gilmore Girls on Netflix. And I find myself feeling insanely, weirdly like I've done my whole life wrong. I just feel so much at loose ends. 

 

I want to go back in time and get an Ivy League education.

 

I want to start a new career.

 

I want there to be some kind of clear path, with defined goals to work toward.

 

I want to be starting all over and feeling like there are all of those possibilities ahead.

 

I want to pick up the whole snowglobe of my life and shake it with all of my might.

 

And, look, I know where it's all coming from. I know I'm still coping with the transition from all of those years as a full-time, homeschooling mom -- the only job I've ever really loved -- to . . . not. I recognize that it's not practical for me to invest the time or money that would be necessary to get a second degree of any kind, let alone anything really challenging or presigious. And it's not like I even know what degree or career I would be pursuing if it were feasible. 

 

I'm 51. We have tens of thousands of dollars of debt left to pay off our daughter's degree AND two more years of paying the portion of our son's college expenses not covered by his scholarships. We do not have nearly enough money for retirement and next to no assets. It is completely impractical and self-indulgent for me to feel sorry for myself and to be fixated on this. 

 

But I haven't figured out how to talk myself out of it yet. And it's making me miserable.

 

Hugs to you, Jenny.  I just wanted to say that I'm so very sorry if my posts in your other thread regarding the teaching profession were disheartening or discouraging.  I know that you've said you loved homeschooling and thought that might translate into loving teaching.  Don't let the horrible experience with substitute teaching squash your love of teaching - teaching shows up in so many different forms and guises and in so many places.  A classroom teacher is just one of the many options.  And FWIW - I've been teaching in the public system and now at the community college level for almost 20 years and I don't think there's enough money in the world to convince me to substitute teach in a middle school classroom. :)  You'll find your passion and your niche.  I know it. :)

[Jenny in Florida]

I'm seeing a lot of suggestions for volunteer work, but it seems like Jenny wants to be able to earn more money... am I reading this right?

 

Emily

 

Yes, as much as I might like the idea of filling my days by volunteering for a non-profit, the reality is that I really have to earn some money. We have a lot of ground to make up for all of the years when I didn't work, and it is not part of my personality make-up or the expectations/patterns in my marriage that I can choose not to earn now.

[Jenny in Florida]

Use your gifts and interests to love on others.... And get paid. ;)  If it means going back to school, I'd strongly consider it.

 

Again, going back to school is simply not an option. For a lot of reasons, both financial and otherwise. Not feasible.

[Jenny in Florida]

Do you volunteer anywhere?

 

I have met several people that found their calling through volunteering (aka it led to fill time job/career)

 

One of the first things I did when my son went off to college was to sign up as a volunteer reading tutor in a local public school. I did it for a year but was unable to return the following year because the ongoing committment got in the way of scheduling my paid work.

[Jenny in Florida]

I want to say thank you for all of the hugs and concern and advice. 

 

It's always hard to know how to respond when folks are trying so hard to be helpful. I don't want to look like I'm ignoring the suggestions you've all been kind enough to put time and energy into sharing, and I don't want to keep shooting them down, either.

 

I'm so grateful for the kindness and the effort (and the commiseration), but, no, I really-honestly-truly-for real can't go back to school. Not for a second undergrad degree and not for a graduate degree. It's not in the cards. Again, there are jillions of reasons why that is the case, none of which have to do with me lacking self-confidence or anything like that. It's just not a reasonable or practical choice in my life.

 

I am working, just not enough and not for as much money as I want/need to be earning. Again, it's not like we're having trouble keeping the wolf away from the door, but we're scraping a lot more than we should have to, and this should be when I am able to start helping to make that better. None of the jobs I have involve regular, reliable hours, and none of them provide any scope for moving up in either salary or responsibility. Unless I want to keep doing what I'm doing indefinitely -- spending some number of hours every week figuring out how to piece together a schedule and never knowing how much work will be available -- I have to come up with a way to parlay the experience and interests I already have into something more.

 

I am a lifelong autodidact. I read a lot, watch and read documentaries regularly for fun, take online freebie classes and lots of other things to feed my brain. It's not that I lack opportunities for intellectual stimulation. What I really lack is challenge and a sense of meaning to back it up. I want there to be a point, other than amusing myself. I want there to be a goal that matters.

 

I'm a pretty coping person, normally. I'm a creative thinker and am generally really good at finding work-arounds and solutions. I think in this case, though, my options are actually pretty limited unless I were willing to actually shake the whole darned snowglobe, which I'm not really willing to do. I'm not willing to cut my son adrift, financially, and tell him to figure out how to pay for his last couple of years of college on his own. I'm not willing to break my promise to my daughter to cover the loans on her degree. I'm not willing to tell my husband I can't be bothered to contribute financially now that I'm free to do so because I'd rather go back to school. And there are all kinds of other apple carts I'm not willling to up-end just because I'm bored and unhappy. When push comes to shove, those responsiblities and committments are more important to me than getting what I "want."

 

And, while I'm normally really big on recognizing that life is all about choices and consequences, that knowledge just isn't making me feel any better right now. 

 

 

[Guest]

Jenny, you are really mature to recognize that everyone is giving advice out of kindness and wanting to help.  :0)  

 

Mostly, everyone is standing here with you, and maybe that helps in itself.  

 

It has often helped me to know that I'm not the only one who experiences something...like a lot of the things you outlined in your OP.  

 

(((J)))

 

[mamakelly]

I totally understand where you are coming from. I wish I could rewind and go to med. school. I feel like I'm way to old to attempt that kind of learning. It's hard to let stuff like this go. I'm sorry :-(

[Crimson Wife]

Yes, that's me. And, no, I haven't managed to make any progress on that. I was all fired up to try and negotiate and made a bunch of phone calls (something that is extremely difficult for me -- I hate phones), only to keep hitting dead ends. Then along came the holidays and I tabled the whole thing. And now, since I've given up one income stream and scheduling is very light at to of my other jobs, it no longer seems like the right time to be taking on additional monthly payments.

 

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:  That stinks. And I'm *SOOO* with you on loathing making phone calls. I would much rather either go talk to someone in person or handle the matter electronically.

 

If you can get your daughter's loan payments put into deferment while she finishes her professional acting training program and redirect those payments towards getting your alma mater to release your transcript, that really might be the best option. Having that transcript should open up better-paying positions and then you can resume paying towards your daughter's loans.

 

[trulycrabby]

I am planning to get an engineering degree once my midlife crisis gets started.

[Jane in NC]

Jenny,

 

I want to send a hug.  And also say that I envision you becoming involved in community theater.  Hey your kids have been on the stage.  Maybe it's your turn!

 

Sending you good vibes to help you climb out of the funk. 

 

Jane

[Nan in Mass]

Could you do anything with your gifted/talented experience?  Offer GT classes or tutoring or how-to-parent classes? Or what about writing curriculum suitable for gifted students?  That might offer you a chance to continue teaching under circumstances that you might like better than substitute teaching?

 

Nan

[creekland]

Wish I could help you out.  I'm still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up.

 

Ok, I know what I want to be.  I want to be a world traveler... and could go as far as writing about it offering suggestions/recommendations... but that's not in the cards for at least as long as we're paying for college and/or med school.  Hubby earns the income and his business is here, so here we remain for a bit (we travel together).  When that bit is done I'm not sure what our health or finances will be like, so who knows?

[Guest]

...and even when you have all the opportunity in the world, sometimes things still don't work out the way you think they will.  

 

All we can do is live well into what we are given.  Because the phrase "this isn't what I had in mind" is pretty much the mantra of my life.  :0)

 

 

[J-rap]

OP, I haven't read all of the replies.  But I wonder if you are suffering from some depression, which then makes everything feel gloomy and boring.  I find that if I am going through a period where nothing feels interesting or brings any joy, I eventually recognize that my very soul just feels down about life.  Not something that can be fixed by a change in jobs or career, but deeper than that.

 

I know that sounds rather vague and philosophical.  Sorry!   

 

 

[Jen in NY]

((Jenny))

 

No real suggestions for you, because I am kind of in the soup with you at this point. But I am starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel.... just a little glimmer.... and it looks good. It looks really good.

 

In my case, the only thing that got me out of the deep, black hole of a funk I got into when dd#1 went away to school two years ago was listening to Gil Fronsdal's Audio Dharma talks on my ipod while doing my part time office cleaning job. The job is extremely repetitive and boring, but those talks saved me from myself, so I have really learned to appreciate my time 'at the office.' Is there something you find uplifting to listen to that you could give yourself 15 minutes a day? Audio Dharma talks about accepting change and impermanence may not be your thing, but maybe there's something out there that could be a positive shot in the arm each day for you.

 

I had a plan to go back to school last semester to start on an associate's degree in Optical Engineering Technologies, but the night classes filled up almost the second they opened, so my only option would have been trashing my ds's school day so I could take day classes. I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Instead I decided to study Chemistry and Math with him and CLEP those.... because at least that is still working toward my goal. It has been a good choice so far. I am not sure exactly how it is all going to play out, but knowing that I am walking down a path is comforting. (And CLEP has the benefit of being a much cheaper option to get some core courses out of the way.)

 

One good thing that has s l o w l y come about because I have more time in the evenings is the opportunity to play more trumpet. I started saying yes to things I never would have had time to do before, and doors have just started to crack open for actual paying pit jobs. This was highly unexpected, so a very nice surprise. I agree with pps that suggest volunteering. You just never know what will happen when you say yes. Maybe nothing but the satisfaction you get from volunteering, which is nice. But maybe something. (Last year I would have leaned toward the nothing... this year I am swaying toward the something.)

 

I really appreciate the book suggestions you got in this thread - I have them all on hold at the library already - so thank you very much for articulating so well what i have been feeling. I really do understand - and I hope you find some peace soon.

 

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

Edited January 22, 2016 by Jen in NY

[Joyofsixreboot]

I've pondered my answer to you for awhile. I had my own little moment 4 years ago when I emerged from 20 years of toddlers and babies. I think the key is to zero in on just what it is you wish were different. Is it money, prestige, exciting work, admiration? My own path ( which included better health, dressing better and ultimately becoming a certified yoga instructor) won't be your path but I figured out what it was I was missing. Once you actually know what it is you're " missing" you can find a path to address it. It doesn't have to be an Ivy degree to satisfy what is missing.

[G5052]

...and even when you have all the opportunity in the world, sometimes things still don't work out the way you think they will.  

 

All we can do is live well into what we are given.  Because the phrase "this isn't what I had in mind" is pretty much the mantra of my life.  :0)

 

Yes, me too. I'm in a chapter where I'm a caregiver, so travel is very infrequent.

 

I'd love to go west to visit my relatives. I'd love to go to Europe. Not going to happen any time soon. I have vague plans of taking the DC to Europe in the summer of 2017 after the graduations, but we'll see.

 

I'm hoping to go two states away for a weekend to visit friends in May, and that's probably it for 2016.

 

Reading is my escape! No matter how busy I am, I love having a good book going.

[bettyandbob]

Jenny I can't spend significant time volunteering either. Where I do volunteer is targeted at programs where my youngest (who has disabilities) takes part. For a while I had two jobs. I added the third because the business at one place is not doing well. The third job is similar to my job where I didn't lose hours. I like that one better. This third job is allowing me to build some different skills in the same field and increase my professional network in that field. I wish I could honestly back yo school and I wish I could volunteer. Instead I've been putting together somewhat entry level positions and slowly moving up. I'm hoping to have a resume that is good enough to be considered for some fulltime positions in this field soon. It's had though. I'm 50. Some of my coworkers are at those two jobs are teens and early twenties. I had to get over feeling like I hadnt "accomplished" stuff. Sometimes I have to remind myself I do have a direction.

[G5052]

LOL, I thought I was the only one! I looked into law school and it sounded fascinating. But I have no desire to be a lawyer. 

 

Yes, during one of my phases of trying to reinvent myself, I looked into becoming a paralegal. It would be a 9-month program as an add-on to my other degrees. The problem was that employment in my immediate area is very limited. I would have to do the big commute for a time.

 

One of the part-time trainers at the gym we go to became a government paralegal after being a teacher. He loves it. But he's a single, older guy and doesn't mind the commute. He works at the gym on the weekends because he lives alone and loves being there. Different time of life.

 

And now, NOPE. Sorry. I've had so much legal stuff going on over the last five years that I know that I wouldn't like it anyway. 

[Nan in Mass]

I don,t think this will help you, Jenny, but in case it helps someone else reading this thread...

 

The book that solidified my "when I grow up" plans (empty nest plans) was a book my mother gave me years ago - The Artists Way. The book literally sailed up to my mother,s dock lol, and she decided it might be a good idea if I read it. It is what I think of as an "active" book, a book that requires that you stop and do things before you move on to the next page. For once, probably because my mother gave it to me, I actually followed the directions and did the excersizes. My husband did it with me. At the time, I was still deep in parenting and homeschooling. I went through the book with one goal, to be more crearive, but with two applications in mind - first to apply my creativity to my homeschooling planning and problem solving, and second to figure out something that allowed me to be creative after homeschooling. The book worked for both of these and in the end, it drastically expanded my approach to homeschooling and resurrected multiple nebulous, unformed childhood dreams about who I wanted to be and narrowed them down into one practical plan. As I homeschooled, I occasionally worked on the basic skills I was going to need after my children left, and when they hit their twenties (they still haven,t left, fortunately), I ramped up my after-homeschooling plans. I hadn,t really gone into homeschooling on purpose, and towards the end of high school I felt that I was in way over my head, so I didn,t miss the actual teaching part all that much, but I grieved heavily for the loss of my child-children. (I can,t really say that has gotten any better. I,m just better at working around it.) It was really helpful to have a plan. I gritted my teeth and did the plan even though I felt miserable and lost and everything was joyless. Now, more than 2 1/2 years after youngest left for college, my chosen path brings me joy. I am glad I chose the path before empty-nesting was imminent because I think it would have been hard to do it from the joyless place immediately afterwards. I also am grateful to The Artist's Way for helping me to recapture my early dreams and narrow them into something doable.

 

Nan

 

Eta - This book is for people who want to do something artistic. At the time my mother gave it to me, I hadn,t really narrowed down my dreams even that much, but going through the book made it obvious that this option would work for me, probably even be best for me. If something artistic isn,t anything you want to be, you probably need a different book? Maybe? I also have been lucky in that my circumstances have been very stable and predictable so far. It was possible to plan for the future fairly early because I was able to guess some of the parameters. No lifechanging health problems have cropped up. No sudden moves across the country. No divorces. Elder care going as planned. Etc. I can imagine a lot of circumstances under which my approach would not work. It just worked for me.

Edited January 22, 2016 by Nan in Mass

[Annie G]

Jenny, I think you and I might be going through kind of the same thing. Not that it helps, but at least knowing there are lots of us feeling this way might make you feel a little less alone.

 

  I spent so many years raising kids and that had a focus...an end goal. Get them through childhood well educated and healthy. Get them off to college or launched into adulthood. Ok, that's done. Now what???? 

 

For me, parenting and homeschooling gave me concrete goals and a finish line. Evidently that's what I'm drawn to. Jobs or projects that have well defined goals. Quilting is like that. I finish a project and it's done.  Are you feeling like your jobs just never-ending with no sense of ever feeling like you FINISHED something?   

 

I hate cleaning house because it never ends. I clean the bathroom only to have to do it again and again. But when I work on landscaping or a renovation project, I can stand back and say, "It's done". 

 

I know you want the flexibility the part time jobs give you but juggling three jobs has to be stressful.   :grouphug:  Hang in there.

 

[elegantlion]

Jenny ((hugs))

 

Since I'm in school and still having a mid-life crisis, I can tell you school won't always fulfill both. I have two more years where I will incur more debt (hopefully less per year), grad school roulette in a few years, and then wondering who will hire a 50+ person. 

 

All I really want to do is write and travel. $ is required for both. I'm hoping school guides me toward something like that for a career, we'll see. 

 

I was totally bored over break even though I did a lot. I missed the stimulating conversations I have at school and our first week back is making me wish I was back on break and didn't have to get dressed and drive in the snow. 

 

This is a confusing age, seriously. I thought I'd have it all figured out by now at least feel settled. I don't. 

 

No advice really, just wanted to say I get the school thing and if it can't work financially, I get it. You are a woman of great value with great love and loyalty to your children. You deserve something special to come your way. I hope it does soon. 

[plansrme]

For posters in the same boat (but not the OP, who appears to not be looking for suggestions), I just want to suggest an inexpensive little book I've been working through:

Roadmap:  The Get-it-Together Guide to Figuring Out What to do With Your Life.  It has worksheets that you complete to help you figure out your interests and how that translates to meaningful and paying work.  It is full of inspiring stories as well, though I wish some of the stories were more along the lines of, "Bob found his true passion as a plumber," rather than, "Mary founded a software company that is doing $14 Billion in annual revenue."  But, still--it's actually pretty good, and I am as unemotional and un-warm-fuzzy as you can get, so self-help books really are not my thing.  I bought it when I came across it in my favorite indy bookstore, and I thought it might be helpful for my two teen girls who will be launching soon.  I'm actually finding, though, as I read through it, that the exercises are useful for my own post-retirement plans.  The authors very much advocate a "make up the job you want" mentality, which might be appealing to a lot of people approaching retirement from their paying or non-paying (homeschooling) jobs.

[Annie G]

plansrme, thanks for the book recommendation. I requested it from the library because I'm way too cheap to buy it.  I have a double dilemma- dh retires in three years, and we'll be relocating back to Georgia for our retirement. So I need to figure out what to do until then, and also try to figure out what to do after dh retires and we're settled.   Sometimes I feel like dh and I act like 3 year olds...we change what we want to do with our lives about ten times a day. 

[Ummto4]

Tons of reasons, none of which I'll probably be able to articulate well here at the moment. I want to have had the experience of being challenged, of having to really earn it, I want to have started my life with a different set of options and opportunities open to me so that now, at this point, I would be in a different place. 

 

And, no, I don't think auditing a class or taking stuff free online (which I've done quite a bit of already) or joining a club is going to meet that need for me. It's a much bigger void I'm trying to fill.

 

I get this Jenny.

 

I'm a decade younger than you and haven't finished homeschooling. But I'm going to put all my kiddos in school next year because I have a void I need to fill and I think I will be able to fill it by having a second career. 

 

I've been looking at this website www.irelaunch.com and this speaks to me. Read the success stories. The women there have been out of the job for 2-20 years and each of them manage to relaunch their careers the second time round. Some even have better careers than before. You need to know what you want to be (and believe me, this is not an easy thing to do) and then work on towards a goal of securing a career on that. There are some ways to re-enter the job market:

- strategic volunteering --> from my quick google research, I find out that digital volunteering can give more challenges than IRL volunteering. See this: http://learnhowtobecome.org/volunteer-and-nonprofit-careers/

- updating your skills/credential --> NOT always through a second degree or an advanced degree. Some certification/CC-course are okay.

- networking

- re-entry internship

- etc

 

Take a look at that site and borrow the book (Getting back on a career track).

 

HTH 

Edited January 22, 2016 by Ummto4

[Seasider]

This is a confusing age, seriously. I thought I'd have it all figured out by now at least feel settled. I don't.

 

.

BAM!

 

EL, you have hit the crux of the issue, for me, anyway. By this age/stage in life, I...

 

didn't think I'd still be so needed for hands on parenting.

 

didn't think I'd still be shoe-stringing the budget.

 

didn't think I'd still be unsettled with regard to housing.

 

thought I'd have a reliable support system in place (friends and physicians who know you well are hard with my husband's multiple career relocations).

 

thought I'd have done something summitish (like publishing a novel or being a long-term respectable member of something).

 

Sigh.

 

I am resolved to looking ahead. Maybe it's time to start a thread about second halves of life. I know there have been a few great stories in this one, but it would be good to have a thread full of positive hopeful posts!

 

Jenny, I hope you are feeling better today. Elegantlion said it well - you have lived a sacrificial life and your children will not forget it. Good things are ahead for you!

[Matryoshka]

I'm there with you too.  I'll be 51 in a few weeks.

 

I've been mulling about all of this for a few years, since my oldest two went to high school.  That year my youngest also tried school, and I thought I might be 'done' with homeschooling, and after a few months did a certification course for medical interpretation, and started subbing at the local high school (I actually liked subbing; I'm probably insane.)  I thought I had at least the start of a plan.

 

But... by the end of the year youngest was back home.  Then after another year one of the twins came home.  What's really frustrating is that while now my time is still not my own (schedule is so irregular I can't really work for anyone else), they don't really want me teaching them anything.  So, I'm left feeling like my only purpose in life is taxi driver and perhaps cook and maid.  I hate all of these roles with a burning passion.  I cook and clean less now than I used to, I think because I resent that it seems to be my only 'purpose'.  I desperately need purpose.  One I can get behind, not one that is doing all the things I hate most in the world and that no one even 'sees' or appreciates.  I end up wasting time instead.  Youngest went back to school mid-last year, and I thought maybe after oldest graduated this year I could start doing things... nope, youngest is back again.  I've slowly been trying to do things to prepare for when I can finally do more and find purpose, but it's been really hard.  I'm thankful for this thread, because I've been feeling so adrift, it's good to hear that I'm not alone.

 

I have decided I'm not going back to school.  Not enough pay-off.  I've also decided I don't want a full-time job again.  I'd rather do 2-3 part-time jobs, and I'd like maybe all but one to be ones where I am the boss of me.  I've decided I can't go back to subbing because stupidly in my state it doesn't pay into social security (actually subtracts your benefits!), and I need to build that up some more - and besides, it barely pays minimum wage.  I might still try the medical interpreting as the I'm-not-boss gig, but again, I can't do anything like that till youngest can drive herself places at least...

 

I'm partway through a certification program for teaching kids to read, and I'm working with a friend's dd - so much fun!  I do really like to teach/tutor.  I have also tutored in foreign languages, and I'm tutoring a friend and her two kids in English grammar, and I've volunteered to do ESL tutoring at the library.  Yeah, only one of them pays anything, but I'm trying to build references so hopefully I can charge a more going rate in another year or two when I also have more time...

 

It's so frustrating, though.  I've gained weight.  I feel like a slug.  I'd really like to go back to some kind of exercise class at least, but I feel guilty spending money on myself with two kids about to start college...  I've resolved to do something about this in the new year, but haven't done it yet...

 

Guess I'm just putting one foot in front of the other. and trying to look at the light at the end of the tunnel...  yeah, but finding purpose, one that speaks to me, that's the biggie.  Homeschooling the kids was a purpose, and one I loved and was fed by.  Losing that is hard!!

[Jenny in Florida]

Guess I'm just putting one foot in front of the other. and trying to look at the light at the end of the tunnel...  yeah, but finding purpose, one that speaks to me, that's the biggie.  Homeschooling the kids was a purpose, and one I loved and was fed by.  Losing that is hard!!

 

Yep, I think you've hit the nail on the head. I feel completely without purpose or direction.

 

I've been putting one foot in front of the other for going on two years, now, and I'm tired of not going anywhere. I'm tired of walking in circles. I want (need?) to feel like I am prepared for and competent at something and to be reasonably well compensated for doing it well. I need to know there is a point to doing my job today.

[Carol in Cal.]

. I've decided I can't go back to subbing because stupidly in my state it doesn't pay into social security (actually subtracts your benefits!), and I need to build that up some more - and besides, it barely pays minimum wage.  

Even if some of the public schools do this, it can vary from school district to school district.  Also, you can sub at private schools--that's not usually as steady work but once they realize they can throw you at anything, you start to get called in for longer stints--maternity leaves or recuperation after an operation.

[Matryoshka]

Even if some of the public schools do this, it can vary from school district to school district.  Also, you can sub at private schools--that's not usually as steady work but once they realize they can throw you at anything, you start to get called in for longer stints--maternity leaves or recuperation after an operation.

 

Sadly, in my state it's all public schools, including all the admin positions (not that I'd want to do admin, although I did have a brief idea that it would be great to start a charter school  - that would have been some awesome purpose!!- but same problem...).  It's all great if you work full time for 30 years and get vetted - then you have better retirement than SS, but if you are a career-changer, it totally screws you over. :glare:

 

I have thought about a private school.  My friend works at one, and is trying to get me connected.  Officially, they don't use subs (?), but I'm going to start by proctoring SAT exams to start networking...

Edited January 22, 2016 by Matryoshka

[Nan in Mass]

...

I want (need?) to feel like I am prepared for and competent at something and to be reasonably well compensated for doing it well....

This is really well put. (If you take this as your goal, can you attack the problem like you would a math word problem and solve it? State you givens and unknowns, etc.? ) i know what you mean. Most days, I am fine doing what I am doing, but in many ways, I envy my older two boys. They were trained to do so something and then somebody paid them to do it. After the first little bit, they proceeded with confidence, going out and doing what they were trained well. This is so very different than what I have spent my life doing. For the last 30 years, everything I have done, I have had to figure out how to do myself. Everything required jumping in over my head. Nothing has ever stayed the same long enough for me to proceed with confidence. No one has paid me money. Now I am embarking on two new things that are not much better. Some days, even though I know I don,t really want my boys' jobs, I envy them.

 

Nan

[Bluegoat]

I sense is that these kinds of questions aren't, really, about finding some kind of right fit job or occupation.  Even if that worked because you happened to find the right thing, there might be a real element of keeping yourself busy rather than addressing the deeper questions.

 

I think those center around the idea of what it means to be fulfilled, how we find meaning in our life, and also, amybe even mostly, coming to terms with mortality.  While some occupations are of the kind where they give us a sense of fulfillment and meaning, I'm not sure they necessarily help us come to some kind of understanding about what fulfillment really is, why we need it or why it is actually more than some kind of personal whim.

[sassenach]

I sense is that these kinds of questions aren't, really, about finding some kind of right fit job or occupation.  Even if that worked because you happened to find the right thing, there might be a real element of keeping yourself busy rather than addressing the deeper questions.

 

I think those center around the idea of what it means to be fulfilled, how we find meaning in our life, and also, amybe even mostly, coming to terms with mortality.  While some occupations are of the kind where they give us a sense of fulfillment and meaning, I'm not sure they necessarily help us come to some kind of understanding about what fulfillment really is, why we need it or why it is actually more than some kind of personal whim.

Some friends and I had a conversation recently about what it means to be a human. In our group, one friend had just lost her mom, another's mom has advanced alzheimer's, I have a severely disabled son. So anyhow, the crux of it was when you can't even remember who your son is, is there still a relationship? What parts of us need to be there for our souls to actually be in communion with one another? Where does our purpose start and stop? Where do our relationships start and stop?

 

I can't encapsulate it all here, but I walked away not fearing purposelessness, because I don't believe there is a soul of any condition that has no purpose. 

 

This has been a good, honest thread. I'm approaching a crossroads in my life, which includes the transition from homeschool to NEXT. I have an idea of what I would like to do NEXT, but also a fear that my life is too complicated to pull it off. I also wonder if I have the brain capacity for it. Literally- I forget so many things now that I didn't used to. I'm also a little afraid that others in my life, who will have to make sacrifices for me to reach my goals, are going to be unwilling to make those sacrifices. 

 

I still have another year before I'm done homeschooling, so right now it's a whole lot of future forecasting. 

 

(((HUGS))) Jenny. I'm not going to offer you a prescription. Based on what I know of you from reading your posts over the years, I truly believe that you have everything you need to figure this out. There is an answer (or many answers) to what you are looking for and I believe that you will discover it and make it happen.

[Storygirl]

Jenny, since you seem to be attracted to education as a career field, what about looking for opportunities to work on a college campus? Not as an instructor, but perhaps in some kind of office position. You could then be involved in the university community, and as a bonus, you might be able to take some classes for free.

[Jenny in Florida]

Jenny, since you seem to be attracted to education as a career field, what about looking for opportunities to work on a college campus? Not as an instructor, but perhaps in some kind of office position. You could then be involved in the university community, and as a bonus, you might be able to take some classes for free.

 

I do check those listings regularly.

Edited January 23, 2016 by Jenny in Florida

[Anne in CA]

Just something to throw out there... what about an in home daycare? It would pay more than your part time jobs, you could keep the kids you like and cut loose the families who are late, not timely with payment, ect so you had more control, it would leave your weekends free, and you would be blessing other people.

[Jenny in Florida]

Just something to throw out there... what about an in home daycare? It would pay more than your part time jobs, you could keep the kids you like and cut loose the families who are late, not timely with payment, ect so you had more control, it would leave your weekends free, and you would be blessing other people.

 

Thanks, but I don't really enjoy very young kids, especially for extended periods of time. I do teach/tutor little ones occasionally, and that's okay for an hour or so, but the idea of being in charge of a group of tots for hours at a time sounds kind of like a nightmare to me.

[Kalmia]

I am right there with you, wondering what to do next and not wanting to commit to work/volunteering that is not exactly right.

 

Just a suggestion, but since you have a degree and are an autodidact who enjoys teaching, check out museum education. You could delve deeply into the area of learning that most fascinates you (science, nature, art, history, etc.) and share your passion with others without the trappings of a school environment. These are not super high paying jobs (would be comparable to substitute teaching) but they include intellectual stimulation as part of the package.

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_museums_in_Florida

[Annie G]

Thanks, but I don't really enjoy very young kids, especially for extended periods of time. I do teach/tutor little ones occasionally, and that's okay for an hour or so, but the idea of being in charge of a group of tots for hours at a time sounds kind of like a nightmare to me.

 

I feel you there, sister! Just because I loved my kids doesn't mean I love being around kids.  It takes a special person to be a daycare provider, nurse, classroom teacher, etc. I know my limitations and taking care of young children all day is NOT  a skill set I want to explore. 

[Anne in CA]

Thanks, but I don't really enjoy very young kids, especially for extended periods of time. I do teach/tutor little ones occasionally, and that's okay for an hour or so, but the idea of being in charge of a group of tots for hours at a time sounds kind of like a nightmare to me.

Oh, I get it, small children are not for everybody. I was thinking you would do kids more four, five, six rather than toddlers, but I would not want to see you feeling worse, lol.

[Danestress]

I think law school is the best way I know to rack up another $180,000 in debt and still be looking for a job. I know you don't think law school or any school is a real possibility form you, Jenny. I still had to comment on that, though.

 

I also will say that I loved law school, loved practicing most of the time, and am thrilled to be back working now, even for a pittance and as an assistant to attorneys as I do the continuing education hours necessary to reactivate my status. I love my small firm job and no, I am not making a killing. Most attorneys aren't. I still think it's the best profession I can think of, challenging, allowing one to do things that matter in people's lives, to constantly learn, to be pushed.

 

The problem is, the market is glutted with young attorneys and there are second rate, for profit law schools taking students' money and graduating them when the kids have poor job prospect. Anyone thinking about it should do their homework first.

 

Jenny, do something hard. Do something you want to do but that seems too hard right now. I feel so much happier and younger since I took a job. It's overwhelming and humbling at times.,I get really bent out of shape. But I think we grow under moderate stress. You seem like a person with strong ideals who really thinks about things and cares about the issues that matter to you. Maybe you can find a way to invest in what you care about.