Playdates... am I missing this gene?

[Kay in Cal]

In one of the socialization threads there is a mention that homeschoolers often have "playdates".

 

Every time I read that word, I feel a bit guilty. I can honestly say we've never taken our children on a playdate. We have friends with children with whom we get together pretty regularly, and our kids play. We've taken our kids to parties with other kids, other homeschoolers on occasion. I would say my kids meet with other kids (besides church and sports activities) maybe once or twice a week, plus occasional homeschool group park days.

 

But I have never made a "date" with someone whom I didn't know well already, but our kids had met, specifically to get our kids together to play. Are we doing something wrong? Do you make playdates?

[Jugglin'5]

Nope. It does not appeal to me at all.

[mcconnellboys]

Nope. Don't do playdates. I'm a socially challenged product of the public school system.....

[Guest Virginia Dawn]

No, never have.

 

If I take my kids over someone's house, or she and her kids come here, it's because that person is my friend and my friend happens to have kids too, so everybody has a good time. :-)

[Rose in BC]

Your arrangements sound similar to mine. It's so easy to feel guilty about parenting when it seems others do more. I struggle with this sometimes but at the end of the day I love my children, they know it. We make the best decisions we can for our family's circumstances.

[brehon]

I'm a socially challenged product of the public school system.....

 

Hey! I resemble that remark!

 

No playdates here, either. Even typing *that* word gives me the willies for some reason...

[OnTheBrink]

No playdates here. Not a concept I've ever gotten into. It sounds so NYC-Central Park to me. LOL

[In The Great White North]

In one of the socialization threads there is a mention that homeschoolers often have "playdates".

 

Playdates are not a homeschool phenomenon. We had many more when dc were in school. It is a function of having fewer children in the immediate neighborhood to just go outside and play with, and a wish to continue playing with whomever you just spent all day with.

 

I've never considered playdates to be a child only function. Our ideal playdates had a corresponding playmate for everyone in the family, including me.

[abbeyej]

Maybe it's partly a semantic issue?

 

I would consider spending the afternoon with a friend who has kids roughly my kids ages to be a "playdate" (though I'll admit I'm not fond of that word). The kids are playing. I'm chatting. Everybody's happy! :)

 

And there might be times when a friend will come over and the other mom gets the chance to run an errand, or vice versa.

 

But I rarely if ever make plans with another mother I don't know well. And when I have, it's been because we were new in town and I hardly knew *anyone* well. (And, lol, often it requires the other mom to initiate, though I do try to make a conscious effort...) But the few times my kids have exchanged phone numbers with a child from soccer camp or whatever -- someone whose parents I didn't know, etc -- I've not followed up.

 

But why wouldn't hanging out with people our whole family is friends with be a playdate? If it means dropping my kids off with virtual strangers, or hosting kids whose parents I have no intention of getting to know better... Well, lol, no! ;)

[Kris]

Nope -- no "play dates." I don't think having the neighbor kid down here every afternoon counts. ;)

[Starr]

:iagree:

[Crissy]

Maybe it's partly a semantic issue?

 

;)

 

 

I think this is true.

 

I may call my sister and tell her we should take the kids to a play that's in town, or to a museum exhibit, or that we should have a picnic at one of our favorite parks.

 

Many folks would probably call those play dates, but we just call it getting together.

[Stacy in NJ]

I think your kids are a little young for arranged playdates. As they get older you my find they want to play with kids whose parents you may not know.

 

We do playdates. My kids meet others at activites, establish friendships in class and then want to get together outside of class. I may or may not know the parents. Usually their first "date" will be at my house. This give me the opportunity to get to know the kid and maybe the parent better.

 

As a kid I had a lot of playmates my parents only knew slightly, and they may not have known their parents at all.

 

I think you'll find the social lives of young kids, toddler to 8 or 9, is very different then when they approach the "pre-teen" stage. They want more independence.

[WTMindy]

Hate that word!! When my kids were little I would get together with MY friends who had kids the same age and so the kids would play together, but I have NEVER been about running kids around to play with friends just because. Now that they are older, we sometimes have friends come over after church but I don't call them playdates. I just don't make the effort to do it other than that.

[Ellie]

we did a monthly park day with our support group, and sometimes we met with friends at each other's home. But scheduling a "play date"? No.

 

This word is on my list, along with "chapter books." I never heard that term, either, until my dc were all grown up and I began playing on the Internet.

[iquilt]

I used to make play dates a lot when I had one and she was tiny, mostly for me and to meet new people in our area. Now, we are so busy that we don't set up playdates anymore:) I set up time with my friends and we send the kids off to play and let us chat already!

[chaik76]

We make playdates all the time...but only because there are no kids in our neighborhood. I define it differently than getting together with friends. If I get together with friends who also have kids that my kids play with, that is just getting together. If I set up something for my son to play with someone on the soccer team, because he's buddies with them, and I don't really know the kid or the parents...that's a playdate. Hopefully, the playdates will eventually turn into getting together!

[Frelle]

yep, we have no kids in our neighborhood either. All of our playing with children other than siblings is either "getting together" or "having a playdate". And I think playdate might be semantics, but it does imply a more formal get together than me taking my kids to my friends house. And I see a difference between "I want to hang out with Susan, and you get to play with her kids" and "I dont know Lilly's mom very well, but the two of you seem to like one another, so Lilly's mom and I want to get together so you can play".

 

I had neighborhood playmates as a kid. All ages. There was never a need for a playdate like this. But we have a need.

[kalanamak]

Playdates are not a homeschool phenomenon. We had many more when dc were in school. It is a function of having fewer children in the immediate neighborhood to just go outside and play with

 

When there is no one in the neighborhood, and you are 20 years older than all the moms and dads (in the case of hubby, 30 years older), so everyone you know is going "Whew, those grandkids are gone, I can get back to a normal life", and your kid is an only, they are about your only option. That said, we have had little luck with them as well, with every parent either terribly busy or so cautious it was not fun (go to the park with a creek...they knew it....but no water shoes and can't get wet, so our son thrashes in the creek and theirs has a fit) or so reckless it scares us (one brought hubby who drank and shouted a lot at his kids). :(

 

So, kiddo plays "pickup" at the park, and since he is social and fairly friendly, he finds someone to play tag with, etc, about half the time. Yesterday he came home and said he had a "new best friend" (they are all his new best friend even if he never sees them again, and will talk about them for weeks :( ) who was "only 2 and couldn't talk" but he loved to run. So, kiddo is adaptable, too.

 

Sigh. I'd like to have play dates. Our regular nanny-visitor moved on, and the Aspie girl near the park is in a special school with a long commute, etc. etc. I'm seeing the sad horizon when everyone is in school all day, and we school in the late afternoon...But, we will find a way.

[rockermom]

Nope. Don't do playdates. I'm a socially challenged product of the public school system.....

 

Me too.

[Zelda]

I've kind of adopted the term "play date" to cover any get-together with kids/friends that requires me to drive. The phrase is kind of gross, I guess, but I got over that a long time ago.

[Academy of Jedi Arts]

I don't do playdates. We do make plans with other people, and some of dd's friends have moms who request dd come over for "playdates" and we usually oblige, but like George Carlin said once, sometimes a kid just needs to sit in the yard and play with a stick. :001_smile:

 

I know some kids who seriously have never experienced any activity that doesn't involve direct adult supervision and a snack. Luckilly most of the neighborhood kids are allowed to ride bikes, etc. like normal kids.

[justme]

I thought I was the only anti-social person who hated playdates as well. It all seems so forced and phoney. Especially when you have to go sit and someone's house and make conversation for 3 hours just because your kids like each other. I've known other peole involved in large, elaborate 'play groups' that almost always end badly with cliques and hard feelings, especially as kids get older and more comparisons/competition starts about schools, activities, child-rearing philosophies, etc... Just not good.

[Mamagistra]

I am missing the playdate gene as well as the Bunco gene and the sales-party-at-someone's-house gene. :glare: Getting together? Sure, but these specific ideas curl my toes. :tongue_smilie:

[Zelda]

I am missing the playdate gene as well as the Bunco gene and the sales-party-at-someone's-house gene. :glare: Getting together? Sure, but these specific ideas curl my toes. :tongue_smilie:

 

Yes, I've yet to be invited to a Bunco game. The last sales party I went to involved clothing and when a long black skirt was shown someone said, "Meh. That looks like something I'd wear if I were homeschooling my kids." That was met with hearty laughter. Then a few minutes later someone started talking about how "disgusting" it was to nurse a child older than 1.

 

I realized I was really in the wrong place.

[Mommy22alyns]

*shudders*

 

Yeah, I'm missing the whole "playdate" gene. And Bunco, and sales parties... those things make my stomach turn. Sorry! I just had this stereotype of "mom" in my head before I became a mom, and now I intend to do everything in my power to NOT become that stereotype!

[gardening momma]

I have to defend Bunco! I've been to two Bunco parties--they were both Christmas parties for our Sunday School class, held at someone's house, and they were a lot of fun!

[eternalknot]

I'm one of those people that likes to have a variety of acquaintances to get together with, above and beyond my close circle of friends. I grew up in a large family and feel most comfortable with a varied group of people. As well, I'm a busybody, and many of my close friends are more homebodies ... so it's nice to have a larger draw of people to just get out of the house and do things with when my friends can't (or don't want to) join me: parks, fairs, exhibits, etc. These are people whose numbers I keep in my cell phone, and whose kids' birthdays we attend ... but not necessarily people I would call for advice on prenancy-induced hemorrhoids or 'hey, can you watch my kids' on short notice kind of people.

 

Even before I had kids, I was the type of person to meet someone ... at a movie, park, wherever, ... and if we got along well, I'd ask to exchange contact information. I feel blessed that some of my closest friends today are people I met randomly and just took a chance on :)

 

My oldest are a lot like me, and will often make fast friends at parks and events. It isn't something I encourage (because frankly, it can be time-consuming and exhaustive) but if they ask for me to set up a "playdate" I'm happy to oblige. Their dad has not and will not; he's a homebody and just has different social needs that make it more challenging for him to break out of his comfort zone around 'strangers'.

 

So long answer, short - we do playdates. get-togethers. meet-ups. Whatever word you prefer to assign the pre-planned arrangements of two separate parties to coordinate at a specific time and location for the sole purpose of being in the company of each other LOL. There are definitely kids whose parents I have nothing in common with .. and days where I have a million other things I could possibily be doing ... but my kids don't ask for much of me (most days!) and it's a need/want I understand well. When I get old and dependent, hopefully they'll oblige and drive me to my nightly Bingo so I can get my social on, too ;)

[dirty ethel rackham]

When my kids were younger (like 3 and 6) and I was trying to help them meet other kids, we did go on play dates. Both of my boys are more one-on-one kind of people or small groups. However, we never called them play dates - we called it "visiting." We had NO neighborhood kids to play with. The only kids we would meet at the park were daycare kids with their baby sitters. Most of them were so aggressive and mean and the sitters were all "boys will be boys" on me. We basically stuck with people who also homeschooled because it was a better fit.

[Lolly]

In one of the socialization threads there is a mention that homeschoolers often have "playdates".

 

Every time I read that word, I feel a bit guilty. I can honestly say we've never taken our children on a playdate. We have friends with children with whom we get together pretty regularly, and our kids play. We've taken our kids to parties with other kids, other homeschoolers on occasion. I would say my kids meet with other kids (besides church and sports activities) maybe once or twice a week, plus occasional homeschool group park days.

 

But I have never made a "date" with someone whom I didn't know well already, but our kids had met, specifically to get our kids together to play. Are we doing something wrong? Do you make playdates?

 

 

I consider your second paragraph to include instances of playdates. You pick and date to meet and you play. So, you ARE having playdates!:D

[Another Lynn]

Hey! I resemble that remark!

 

 

 

:iagree::lol:

[Annie Laurie]

I am missing the playdate gene as well as the Bunco gene and the sales-party-at-someone's-house gene. :glare: Getting together? Sure, but these specific ideas curl my toes. :tongue_smilie:

 

I'm missing those genes also. :001_smile: When we first moved into our current house, the neighbor lady came over to ask if I'd like to join their Bunco group, it was nice of her but I'd rather go to the dentist than go to a Bunco get together.

 

Playdates happen from time to time, but usually it's just a friend who also has kids coming over.

[wagnfun]

In one of the socialization threads there is a mention that homeschoolers often have "playdates".

 

Every time I read that word, I feel a bit guilty. I can honestly say we've never taken our children on a playdate. We have friends with children with whom we get together pretty regularly, and our kids play. We've taken our kids to parties with other kids, other homeschoolers on occasion. I would say my kids meet with other kids (besides church and sports activities) maybe once or twice a week, plus occasional homeschool group park days.

 

But I have never made a "date" with someone whom I didn't know well already, but our kids had met, specifically to get our kids together to play. Are we doing something wrong? Do you make playdates?

 

 

I think in my circle homeschool park days is considered "playdate" ..

?!?

[happyWImom]

Maybe it's partly a semantic issue?

 

I would consider spending the afternoon with a friend who has kids roughly my kids ages to be a "playdate" (though I'll admit I'm not fond of that word). The kids are playing. I'm chatting. Everybody's happy! :)

 

And there might be times when a friend will come over and the other mom gets the chance to run an errand, or vice versa.

 

But I rarely if ever make plans with another mother I don't know well. And when I have, it's been because we were new in town and I hardly knew *anyone* well. (And, lol, often it requires the other mom to initiate, though I do try to make a conscious effort...) But the few times my kids have exchanged phone numbers with a child from soccer camp or whatever -- someone whose parents I didn't know, etc -- I've not followed up.

 

But why wouldn't hanging out with people our whole family is friends with be a playdate? If it means dropping my kids off with virtual strangers, or hosting kids whose parents I have no intention of getting to know better... Well, lol, no! ;)

 

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree: I cannot stand the term either! And I agree with everything you said! I think it's one thing if you go somewhere when there is a group and some people you know, some you don't, and hope that your kids will meet and become friends with someone new, but to just throw them together one on one with some child they don't know, and you aren't even their to facilitate is totally awkward. Unless you have a super outgoing child, which I do not.

[EKS]

I am bad at playdates too. In fact, I absolutely hate the term. I mean, who came up with that? My kids do have playdates but not as often as most people think they should.

[Matryoshka]

If I take my kids over someone's house, or she and her kids come here, it's because that person is my friend and my friend happens to have kids too, so everybody has a good time. :-)

 

What, that isn't what a playdate is?? :tongue_smilie: That's what we call it when we get together with friends just for fun (ie outside of an educational event) - it's everyone, the moms (sometimes a hs dad), and all the kids of all ages. Kids play, adults chat. Fun all round. So for me, the word has a positive connotation - I want more playdates! (seems we don't have much time for them now that the kids are getting older and academics and extracurriculars eat up so much time).

 

But ... having my kids - egads or just one of them? - go to someone's house I don't know or have just met in passing, and without me? That's completely foreign to me. Like from another planet.

[Kay in Cal]

Ok... if playdates are just any time your kids play with others, I guess we have playdates. I've just read books that talk about how to approach unknown parents, call them, ask them questions, make plans for your kids... THAT we haven't done. And since my kids are too young to play alone outside, they don't meet that many neighborhood kids either--though we just moved.

 

Thanks, I think I feel better!

[Sahamamama]

No playdates here. Not a concept I've ever gotten into. It sounds so NYC-Central Park to me. LOL

 

:iagree: And we're in New Jersey! No playdates here!

[cathmom]

What I have noticed is that homeschool families are much more inclined to get together with both moms and all the kids. Families whose children are in school want the one specific child to come over and play and be dropped off.

 

And I hate the word playdate and would never use it even if that is exactly what we were doing!

[Jean in Newcastle]

What I have noticed is that homeschool families are much more inclined to get together with both moms and all the kids. Families whose children are in school want the one specific child to come over and play and be dropped off.

 

And I hate the word playdate and would never use it even if that is exactly what we were doing!

 

Exactly! I've had schooling moms actually make sure I knew that I was not welcome to stay.

[Lizzie in Ma]

I have never made a play-date for my dc either and remarkably, I don't feel guilty in the slightest!

[laylamcb]

If you're missing that gene, then so am I. Just call me a hermit. :001_smile: I want to want to do playdates--but I don't want to do playdates. Does that make sense? :001_huh:

[Academy of Jedi Arts]

I would be kind of offended if my kid invited another kid over to play and the mom took that as an invite for her to come and stay too. If I wanted the mom too *I* would call and say, "Hey, why don't you guys come over."

[Mama2Three]

We have friends with children with whom we get together pretty regularly, and our kids play.

 

I might call this a playdate! If I was getting together with another mom friend during the day and we both had our kids with us, I'd call it a playdate. The kids like the sound of it, and it doesn't diminish the time the other mom and I have together. I don't make plans with people I don't really know, just so my kids can play. But I guess we're pretty loose with the "playdate" word around here!

[chaik76]

I don't do playdates. We do make plans with other people, and some of dd's friends have moms who request dd come over for "playdates" and we usually oblige, but like George Carlin said once, sometimes a kid just needs to sit in the yard and play with a stick. :001_smile:

 

I know some kids who seriously have never experienced any activity that doesn't involve direct adult supervision and a snack. Luckilly most of the neighborhood kids are allowed to ride bikes, etc. like normal kids.

I never even considered this! I never plan things for the kids to do...just send them out to play!

[Dawn in OH]

Once a week, usually Thursday's, I have another Mom who brings here kids over to my house. The kids play. We chat. It's just as much of a treat for us Mom's as for the kids. We've even been over to their house for dinner a few times, husband's included. We like this couple.

 

We originally met at a "play date" open to anyone in the community in a local park.

 

If I didn't actually like this Mom we wouldn't be getting together weekly. I wouldn't be able to just tolerate her for the sake of the kids. I don't really consider this weekly get together as a "play date" like the initial first few meetings were.

[Janet in Toronto]

My boys are past the age of playdates, other than ones they can get to on their own on public transit. But let me just say this. I am an introvert and re-energize with down-time (read, alone-time). When my children were younger (say, 7-11), the apparently much-maligned kids-only playdate gave my children someone to hang with, without me having to chat with their mother. It let me lie on the sofa with a book and one ear to the playroom.

 

Maybe I'm odd, or something, but after a full homeschooling day (at the time), I was NOT interested in chitchat with mom-of-friend. I wanted to throw in some laundry, read my book, and think about dinner, in peace, before DH and older brother got home.

 

But I'm with you all on bunco/neighborhood women's groups/mom's night out. I had to REALLY steel myself to do any of those things. I guess I"m anti-social.