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Well-Trained Fashionistas: is it gauche to have the same boots as 18yo dd?

Ginevra

By Ginevra,
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Ginevra

Ginevra

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So I have been admiring the TOMS Nepal Boots for a year. DD knows I like these boots and sent me a link last week because there is a great sale on them at Journeys. But, she wants these boots, too and said she would like to have them for Christmas. So I ordered her a pair. I had two pairs in the cart but I just couldn't pull the trigger on this because...same boot? 18 yo DD and her 44 yo mom? Is this a never-do? Granted, she is in college and, most of the time, we will not be together and will not necessarily be wearing our matching boots together. But also, I don't want it to be some fresh complication...I'm imagining going to in-laws for Christmas and we both are thinking of wearing Nepal boots. Maybe I'll just get different boots. Or no new boots.

 

Would you get them or not?

 

P.S. dH would also say something about it and that also stops me. He is very frugal about clothes and will surely think I could not do worse than buy two identical boots for myself and DD.

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redsquirrel

redsquirrel

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Don't do it.

 

My mom bought the same coat as me when I was in college.  I was so mad at her!  Plus, we looked stupid when we went out together.

 

Get a different colour at the very least.

 

:grouphug: 

 

Or, maybe get them but never wear then when you are together! Would that work?  If you play your cards right she won't even notice for a bit.  Just don't tell her and don't wear them when she wears hers.

 

(I really want you to have what you want, but I am sensitive to 'complications')

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Garga

Garga

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Tough one. On one hand, who cares? It's just clothes!

 

But on the other hand, clothes do make statements about a person. Does wearing the boots make the statement that you guys want to look like each other and are proud to match? Or does it make the statement that you're trying to take her thunder (like a MIL wearing white to her son's wedding)? Or does it make the statement that you're trying to dress younger than you are?

 

If you've wanted them for a year, I say you can get them, but I would personally never wear them at the same time as DD. I would feel uncomfortable and wonder which of the above statements people were thinking when they saw me. It would rattle me too much.

 

But if you wear them when your dd isn't around, then there's no statement being made.

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marbel

marbel

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I'm with Garga.  You've been eyeing those boots for a year!  Get them.  Don't wear them when you are with your daughter and she is wearing hers.

 

Unless... you don't see them getting enough wear to be worth it if you foresee mostly being able to wear them when you are with your daughter. 

 

 

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Pawz4me

Pawz4me

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Caveat:  I am not nor will I ever be a fashionista.

 

But my two cents -- It's not like these are one of a kind, hand made just for your DD boots.  Chances are if you were out in a crowd there would be somebody else wearing them.  So if I wanted them I'd get them, but I wouldn't wear them at the same time as DD when she was with me, just to prevent any self-consciousness (or other emotion) she might have about it.

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Barb_

Barb_

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I share clothes and shoes with my daughters all the time. Granted, we don't wear the exact same matching thing down to color when we go out together, but when I find a great buy on bigger ticket items like coats or shoes I usually buy 2-3 of them since five of us wear close to the same size.

 

ETA: we totally wear the same hat or scarf or coat or boots in differing colors when we go out together though. Usually not on purpose, lol

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Guest

Guest

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Tough one. On one hand, who cares? It's just clothes!

 

But on the other hand, clothes do make statements about a person. Does wearing the boots make the statement that you guys want to look like each other and are proud to match? Or does it make the statement that you're trying to take her thunder (like a MIL wearing white to her son's wedding)? Or does it make the statement that you're trying to dress younger than you are?

 

If you've wanted them for a year, I say you can get them, but I would personally never wear them at the same time as DD. I would feel uncomfortable and wonder which of the above statements people were thinking when they saw me. It would rattle me too much.

 

But if you wear them when your dd isn't around, then there's no statement being made.

It's mostly my concern over these questions that made me not order my own pair. I don't want it to look like I think I'm her peer. We already look much alike and I don't want people to go, "Pffft! She thinks people will imagine they are twins or something."

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alisoncooks

alisoncooks

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I'm in the "if you like them, get them" camp.  

 

That said, funny aside:  when I was in college, my mom and I were shopping.  We were on separate shoe aisles because I have ginormous feet and my mom has teensy feet.  I tried on a pair of sandals (that I liked) and rounded the aisle to show my mom....and (horrors!) she was trying on the same pair of sandals.  One look and I u-turned myself right back around...

 

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Wheres Toto

Wheres Toto

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If you want the boots, get the boots.  Dd and I wear the same shoe size and swap shoes all the time.  I have a few pairs of her old Uggs that I wear all the time and at times we've had the same ones.  No big deal, she didn't mind when she was in high school and we were more likely to be wearing them at the same time, and she definitely doesn't care now that she's at school.

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Wheres Toto

Wheres Toto

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It's mostly my concern over these questions that made me not order my own pair. I don't want it to look like I think I'm her peer. We already look much alike and I don't want people to go, "Pffft! She thinks people will imagine they are twins or something."

 

Unless you are also wearing very similar outfits besides the boots (similar shirts, same type of pants/skirt, etc.) I don't think anyone is going to think much about it at all.

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Word Nerd

Word Nerd

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It's mostly my concern over these questions that made me not order my own pair. I don't want it to look like I think I'm her peer. We already look much alike and I don't want people to go, "Pffft! She thinks people will imagine they are twins or something."

My mom would say it's vain to think anyone is scrutinizing your clothing to that degree. In reality, few would even notice, let alone think you think you're your DD's peer.

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Guest

Guest

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GET THEM

She knew you wanted them, that's why she sent you the link. If anyone says anything, after you tell them to get a life, your dd can tell them that she was the one jocking Mom's style, not the other way around!

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Junie

Junie

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If I could actually find boots that fit my feet, I would get them even if they matched my 5 year old's boots.  Hello Kitty or whatever.

 

I have not had a pair of comfortable boots since college.  Come to think of it I don't remember wearing boots in college.  So maybe never.

 

Get the boots.  Your daughter is the one who told you about the sale.

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Liz CA

Liz CA

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For me, it would depend on the style. If they are very "youthful" looking and I'd look like a 20 something wanna-be, I would not do it. Graceful aging and all that...but if the boots could go either way, why not? You may end up with a different color anyway.

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Guest

Guest

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Alright. I think I'm going to get them. I am out and about, and I will check out DSW shoes, in the event that there is another boot I like better for this price. If not, I'm ordering my own tonight. Probably will avoid wearing them when we're together, but that still leaves a large amount of time I could wear them without anyone thinking anything about it.

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Guest

Guest

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Ask her. When I wanted the same boots as my sister a few years ago, I just asked her if that was OK. She said yes, I bought the boots.

 

OTOH, dd16 would never wear the same boots as me.

 

Dd18 wouldn't care at all.

Yeah, I was not worried that she would be upset; I had no reason to believe she would be. She has known I like the boots; she knows I appreciate the company TOMS. She told me they were on sale and also said she would like them as a Christmas gift. So, logically, she knows I may get the boots and she might also.

 

I was more concerned that it looks like I have weird motives if we happen to be wearing the same boots.

 

We have similar taste in clothes and can wear each other's clothes (which is not to suggest that I could wear her jeans :D). My main concern with the boots is that they have a distinctive look - they are noticeable.

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Carrie12345

Carrie12345

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I probably wouldn't wear them at the same time if they were as obvious as matching sweaters or something, but I own plenty of things that are similar to my 12 and 13yos' items.

My 12 and 8yos (girl and boy) just picked out identical Converse last week and wear them at the same time.  But the sneakers don't exactly stand out.

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Guest

Guest

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Well my Dd and I share shoes. She likes mine, I like some of hers. In fact she saved me one week when I just couldn't do heels any longer!!!

 

I would not get the same pair. I would at least get a second color ;)

Well, I almost got a different color, but:

1) the color I like best (same color as DDs) is less expensive than my second choice;

2) the black was available in person, while the grey is online only;

3) I think the boots are so distinct looking that a different color does not make much difference. The grey and the black are clearly the same boot in a different shade. Unless I got the rust/orange color (which is not my color pallette), they are going to look similar enough to be noticeable anyway.

 

If DD was not at college, I probably would not have gotten them. But with her elsewhere, the Twinsie effect doesn't have much potential very often.

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Guest

Guest

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You wearing the same boots as your daughter is not even a little bit gauche but perhaps my joke is. Let's just say I don't find TOMs, the classical design,aesthetically pleasing. Clearly a great many people disagree!

Oh, I see. Well, FWIW, I don't particularly like the aesthetics of their original canvas shoes, either. But the Nepal boot does not resemble the shoes. And, as you say, many people do appear to like the original design.

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