Jasperstone Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 My Isabella wants to change her name legally, as she hates how common it is. How would u feel if your child wanted a name change? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy in NH Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 I understand and empathize, but it still stings. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamakelly Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 How old is she? 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redsquirrel Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 I know a couple kids who changed their names on their own, but not legally. They just announced their new name and stopped responding to their old one. It did stick after a while and now I....huh...I can't even remember what their names were before, lol. As someone who actually does have a common as dirt name...I get it, lol. Oh, do I get it. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HS Mom in NC Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 My oldest legally changed her name when she turned 18. It's her pen name and no, she hasn't published anything yet. I just shrugged. I'm not a sentimental person by nature, so if an adult child of mine wants to change her name, it's no big deal to me. She's engaged to be married in two years and has no plans to legally change her name. She changed it from Faith to Faye. She took my middle name that I dropped when I got married and I took my husband's last name. She took by plan B first name for her, the first name of a famous author that she loves. It's also a last name for many people. My first name is Lisa and I was born at the end of the 10 year craze where every other couple named their baby girls Lisa. In Jr. High I had a history class where all the kids were seated in rows according to last names. 4 of us in a row, right after each other were named Lisa. When someone tells me they're expecting I suggest they go to the Social Security website and check the most popular names for 10 years before and choose any name other than the ones on the top 10 list. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jasperstone Posted October 24, 2015 Author Share Posted October 24, 2015 How old is she? She's just turned 13. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jasperstone Posted October 24, 2015 Author Share Posted October 24, 2015 Here in Oz, if it's done before 18, it is cheaper and easier to do. She has been asking for around half a year- so not a phase. She said that when she goes to the beach there's always around 3 people yelling out *Bella* to their dogs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 In general I feel like that's what middle names are for. They're the alternate a kid can use. I think a lot of kids go through an "I want to change my name!" phase, especially in the early teen years. I sort of did, but I grew out of it. I think it must sting the parents. I'd wait before letting them change it legally. I mean, it's yourself, you get to decide what you're called to a great extent, but that's a huge decision and there's little reason to rush into it. 11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 I guess it would depend. I wouldn't be pleased if she wanted to share a name with anyone I don't like and I don't really want my small girl calling herself Butch. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 My Isabella wants to change her name legally, as she hates how common it is. How would u feel if your child wanted a name change? She is only 13. I would say absolutely positively NOT until she turns 18. She is far too young to be making such a big -- and legal -- decision. Honestly, it sounds like she is just being a bit of a drama queen. Can she use a middle name or a nickname instead? Isabella is a very nice name, and it is not common everywhere. At some point, she may grow to love it, and if she doesn't, she can change it when she is an adult. Right now, "my name is too common" seems like a pretty lame reason to me. 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 Here in Oz, if it's done before 18, it is cheaper and easier to do. She has been asking for around half a year- so not a phase. She said that when she goes to the beach there's always around 3 people yelling out *Bella* to their dogs. "Half a year" could still very easily be a teenage phase, particularly at 13. I wouldn't take her request particularly seriously. Girls are pretty dramatic at 13, and they think they know exactly what they will want -- forever -- until they turn 14 or 15 and decide they want something else -- forever. ;) And seriously -- she wants to legally change her name because it's too common and because some people's dogs have the same name? Don't you view that as being at least a little bit shallow? 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamiof5 Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 I grew up in a country where my name wasn't very common for kids, but it was for dogs. Yeah, not very fun...but it was OK, I survived. If she was my kid, she can change her name when she's 18 if she'd like to 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tsuga Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 I gave my kids short, common middle names to revert to if they decided against their ethnic, longer names (which were carefully chosen with lots of love). I would ask them to give the middle name a try. They are family names as well and I'd be extremely unhappy if they left those behind legally. I would pay if they wanted them formally switched, middle to first and first to middle, yes. I could do that. But I wouldn't pay for a first name change to something else. They can do that at 18 if they wish. The only exception would be for a sex change. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 I wouldn't take it personally, but I wouldn't pay for it. When she's a legal adult and can earn the money for it, she can change her name to Lightbulb and I'd address her as such. Usually, though, kids that age just go with a nickname. I had a friend who REALLY wanted to change her name. Her mother told her she'd support her and pay for it when she was 18. She looked forward to it for years, but changed her mind at 17. It's also worth noting that teen phases can last a few years, so it could very well be a phase. I wouldn't mention this though because it could make her dig in her heels. 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IfIOnly Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 I think I would try to be understanding and supportive, but I would ask they consider keeping the names we gave them as middle names: new name, old first name, old middle name, last name. We don't give two middle names for our children but know plenty of people who do have two (or more). If they liked and changed their first name to their middle name that would be nice too. Of course, it would ultimately be their choice. I agree I would let them think on it until they're legally an adult. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamakelly Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 At 13, no I wouldn't. My 13 year old girl wants to change everything her hair color, her entire wardrobe etc... every week. If she wants to change it at 18 and pay for it, then I'd be fine with it. Isabella has so many possible nickname choices, she could go with a nickname like; Ella, Elsa, Ellie, Isa, Sable, Isabell, Ilsa, Ibby, Zella, etc... 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tita Gidge Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 It would bother me for a few minutes if I were the one who had originally picked it. But if not, then it wouldn't phase me LOL. I wouldn't run out to get it legally changed, but I'm not opposed to paying for it or doing it for an older teenager. At 13, I'd give my blessing for her to start going by a different name - on condition that I got one no-questions-asked, no-arguing right of refusal. Oh, and she can't get mad at me if I keep forgetting and call her the wrong name for the first year or so LOL. But I'd ixnay the legal change until closer to adulthood, probably by agreeing to take it year by year. She'll be happy I'm willing to consider it year by year, and I buy some time for her to outgrow the phase (if it is indeed one.) I don't think it is shallow at all. Names are recognized as an important part of one's identity. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fdrinca Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 I wouldn't care for the first four, but this last baby has been a real pain to name, so she's going to be stuck with WHATEVER we finally decide to name her. And it might be "Whatever" at this rate :) If my kids do go through a name change phase, I'd probably let it go but gently remind them they get only so many changes in their life. The only people who go through life with seventeen aliases to their names aren't exactly upstanding citizens. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aiden Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 I think it would hurt. My husband and I thought long and hard about our daughter's name. We considered not only how it sounds, but what it means. Her first name means "defender," and her middle name is a family name that means "friend." We chose her name with those meanings in mind, and with the flexibility offered by those meanings: she could be a defender of whatever principle she chooses and also a good friend; she could be a defender of her friends; she could be a friend to defenders; there could be some other combination of "defender-friend" that hasn't occurred to us but that will make perfect sense for her and her personality. We haven't actually told her what her name means, but she shows signs of being more than capable of living up to it if she chooses to. She does have the right to reject that name and those attributes. It's our vision, not hers, though I hope she'll adopt it as her own (she certainly has the personality for it--strong willed, a strong sense of justice, sweet, empathetic, and helpful). But it would hurt, and that was the question asked. As far as what we would do ... If she decided to change her name legally, we would respect her wishes and call her by her new name. We would not change it legally for her before her 18th birthday, unless she was 17, had wanted the new name for several years, and we could see benefits to doing it before legal adulthood. Even then, I think she'd have to earn the money to pay for it and we'd simply consent. Adult decision, adult responsibilities. At age 13, no luck, sweetie. I went through a phase of wanting to be named Cordelia at that age. Or Cassandra. Or Juliana. Or anything else that was long and flowing and feminine and beautiful. I probably would have liked Isabella, if it had occurred to me. My preferred name changed every 4-12 months. Then one day I realized that I liked my given name, Deborah, and its inspiration (Deborah in the Bible). It fit my personality, and Deborah the Judge's story was something I could aspire to live up to. I didn't like my nickname, Debbie--it didn't fit me at all: bubbly, cheerleader-type images, not to mention the whole "Debbie Does Dallas" thing I could never escape but that had no resemblance to my personality at all. As soon as I moved out of state, I started introducing myself as Deborah and never looked back. (I wish I'd made the switch earlier, but family dynamics made it difficult.) Is your Isabella called Bella? If so, maybe she could try some other nickname, or no nickname at all. Maybe it's just the nickname that doesn't fit her, ,especially if she doesn't like the high number of dogs with that name. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tanaqui Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 It's not compulsory to go before a judge to change your name. There is such a thing as a common-law name change. If my kid wanted to change her name, I'd have her simply use her new name for at least a year first. That IS a "legal name change". If a year or two down the line she still felt strongly about it, then we could go through the rigmarole of getting it formally documented. As for my feeling hurt - meh. If I'm so attached to the name, I can always change my OWN name. I figure, if you want to have full control over another being's name, you should name your pet rock. They won't have any opinions, and neither will anybody else! But even your kitty is never going to go through life with the name you carefully chose for her, and she's not half as clever and creative as your wonderful children, is she? 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jasperstone Posted October 24, 2015 Author Share Posted October 24, 2015 It helps that she wants to change it to a name that i had picked for her while pregnant. Except a TV show at the time spoiled it for me. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jasperstone Posted October 24, 2015 Author Share Posted October 24, 2015 I personally don't think she's being shallow. I give slightly uncommon names for my kiddos etc... It was annoying to me when her name made top ten whilst she was a baby. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jasperstone Posted October 24, 2015 Author Share Posted October 24, 2015 Good idea about calling her new name for a year before changing it legally though. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pawz4me Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 I don't think it would bother me. I don't see anything wrong with letting kids "own" something as personal and important as what the world calls them. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MEmama Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 I wouldn't take it personally at all. I never liked my given name--it doesn't roll off my tongue easily and I've never felt like it suits me. By grade one I was trying out variations, none of which I liked. Today I only use it for legal purposes. It isn't a rejection of you or anything you "gave" her. At 13, it could be a phase or serious, but IMO it's a mistake to write off her feelings. Whether the name bothers her long term or not, the way you handle her concerns will have an impact. I would say be respectful of how she feels and take her seriously, even if she changes her mind down the road. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 I would not allow it. I would tell her that she can have her friends call her anything she wants, but that it won't be changed legally. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 I wouldn't allow it, but would offer to call her a variation of her name or her middle name. At 18, whatever. Until then, nope. I guess it would depend. I wouldn't be pleased if she wanted to share a name with anyone I don't like and I don't really want my small girl calling herself Butch. Just had to share--When ds ("Sky") was in middle school, I went to a conference to meet his teacher. As I sat across from her, she pulled out a folder and said with a smile, "Butch is doing very well." I said, "Who?" I thought she had the wrong file. LOL--turned out he had nicknamed himself "Butch" and the teacher thought it was his real name! We still laugh at that one. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
strange_girl Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 Indiana Jones named himself after the dog. Just sayin... :D Honestly, I don't think it would bother me. But I think it would be a very long time before I could remember to call her by the new name. I can barely remember her name now some days. Change it and I'd be eternally lost, lol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
73349 Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 I would call her by anything she wants, and help her change it legally before it's an issue with college/employment/driving records (so probably by 16) if she still wanted. Starting to call her by her preferred name now will help her see if it has any drawbacks before making a legal change. I've only continued to go by my first name because it would be too much hassle to change it. If I could've done so as a teen, that would've been a good thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PinkyandtheBrains. Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 If it's something she continuously wants for another year or two, then I would entertain the idea. Six months isn't very long. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xixstar Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 When oldest was 5yo they decided they wanted to be called by a different name - it can be a variant of their actual name so it wasn't a major change except we had never called her that. 15 years later it hasn't varied and we still call them that and their legal name doesn't fit at all. I hope they legally change it someday because they don't like their actual name and, honestly, I don't either anymore because it doesn't fit them at all. I would have changed it before age 18 but thought we needed both parents signatures and that wasnt possible to get. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bolt. Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 I would try to partner with her in adopting a "social name" -- I would tell people she/we had changed it, put it on forms except gov't forms, etc. (Maybe register it, if you have the ability to register alternative names without making legal name changes.) Basically I'd change it now in every way that maters on the surface, and commit to her that we would make it legally binding when she's 17 if nothing changes in the meantime. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bolt. Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 On forms I'd put, "Preferredname" (Legalname) Lastname. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luuknam Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 Here in Oz, if it's done before 18, it is cheaper and easier to do. She has been asking for around half a year- so not a phase. Half a year can easily be a phase. Since it's cheaper before 18, I'd say she can legally change it at 17.5yo and pay for it herself then. In the meantime, she can ask to be called by something else without legally changing it. It's not like she's signing lots of legal documents at 13yo anyway. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Excelsior! Academy Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 Almost all of my children went through a phase where they wanted to be called something other than their given names. I let them choose what they want when it doesn't matter, but require their legal names when it does. It really bothers dh. I am not suggesting your child's preference is a phase, just that all but one of mine were. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 Our youngest dd has disliked her name for a very long time. When she was five, she only wanted two things for her birthday - a pet rabbit and to be called Rosemary. She didn't get the rabbit but I did put Rosemary on her cake. She didn't particularly like that name but it was different than the one she has. MIL has never liked dd's first name so she always called her by her middle name, which is MIL's maiden name. Dd dislikes that one too. Fast forward- teen years she used a nickname, and now she's a college grad and is writing articles for a company. This week she showed me an article she wrote and I noticed she's not using her name and I asked her about it. She spit out 'I HATE MY NAME'. Well, ok then, change it. I think her name is fine- but she doesn't like it and she also dislikes the shorter versions of her name. She's the one who has to live with it- if she wants to change it, no big deal. If she does it'll be hard for me to call her something new but I'll adjust. (not a defiant 'it'll be hard', just hard to remember to call her a new name) I went to school with several girls who changed their names in junior high- I think to have a fresh start. But they just used middle names. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ravin Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 I think I would let her start using the chosen name, and if she still wanted it in three years AND saved up the money for the fees, would be willing to discuss legal measures. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JFSinIL Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 A kid can ask folks to call her or him something different, but no legal name chance until they are 18 and can do it themselves. I have always disliked my first name, but since my Dad came up with it I won't change it...besides which I can not think of any other name I prefer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Butter Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 I'd have my kid have people use the name they want as a nickname and if they still really wanted to change their name after several years (around 18), I'd let them. I've actually tried to get Cameron to pick a new name because I don't really care for his name nor do I think it fits him very well. He refuses. He likes his name lol 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pronghorn Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 My child decided she hated her name at the age of four. She decided to go by a nickname based on her Chinese middle name. To most Americans, it sounds like a strange name. She does not care what people think, though. Ten years later, she still uses the nickname. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 I'd say great, but I'm not paying for it. If they still want to do that by the time they are an adult and can pay for it, then super. I won't get worked up about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Valley Girl Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 Honestly, it would bother me. A lot. We named our kids after specific family members and for specific reasons. To me, the names are something special given to my children. They're not weird or unusual names by any means. We chose carefully to make sure their initials didn't spell anything that would make them an object of ridicule, etc. So, yeah, I'd be hurt. But that would be my problem. If my kids wanted me to use a nickname or something now, I'd do it, within reason. (No, I'm not calling you "Spike.") If my kids truly hated their names and wanted to change them legally, they'd of course be free to do so once they are adults. I would respect their decision. But the hassle and expense would theirs to bear. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 If it's easier before 18, you could still wait two or three years. My mother used her, as explained above, "common law name" for several decades without too much issue. When she changed her name back after her divorce, she dropped her middle name and made the name she's called her legal middle name just to make it clear for those occasional little issues. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 My kids both have names that they like well enough, but we call DS by a nickname that stuck when he was a baby 100% of the time. The whole world knows him by his nickname. Dd has a family nickname that family and a few close friends use interchangeably with her real name. Her school friends use a different nickname. A friend told me they were having dinner one night with mutual friends and each, coincidentally, shared a different story about my daughter. They didn't realize until well into the conversation that they were talking about the same kid because one group of friends uses her name and the other uses the family nickname. I say let her pick a name and start using it today. She can be Izzy, Ike, Gertie, Bertha, or Blossom today without any stress, theatrics, or legal expense. Try it on for a while. This way the new name is easy to ditch if some celebrity makes it cringe-worthy. There's just no good reason to stress about a legal change at this point and it's completely normal for girls that age to want to redefine themselves in some way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wapiti Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 I agree w/the others - I would not be entertaining any legal changes right now. However, I would let her call herself whatever she likes. Many people have nicknames, so much so that school forms often include a space for nickname. Four of my six kids use a nickname that is a common short form of their legal name; the other two have one-syllable first names. I hate my first name, which is two names together. I go by the second half. I don't like second-half-name either but it's better than the two together. I probably should have changed it when I got married (and was changing my last name) but I didn't. When I went to grad school, I felt I was making a clean break and introduced myself as second-half-name and my family always used that anyway. Different people call me different names, depending on what phase of life I met them in. LOL my grandfather's name was Stanley but for some reason he went by Carl; it may have started out where he reminded people at his company of someone with that name and it grew from there. He never changed it legally but everyone, including his wife, called him Carl :) (well we called him grandpa) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
73349 Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 Those who insist on waiting until 18, is it not a problem if she's taken the SAT, etc., under one name and applies to college under another? Maybe it depends on how common your last name is? If she's Isabella Jones and changes to Chrysanthemum Jones, I'd worry that the university would incorrectly associate her records as Isabella with another Isabella Jones, despite a different address. But if your last name is Wendlorskiman or Van Snabbleson, there should be no problem. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 Those who insist on waiting until 18, is it not a problem if she's taken the SAT, etc., under one name and applies to college under another? Maybe it depends on how common your last name is? If she's Isabella Jones and changes to Chrysanthemum Jones, I'd worry that the university would incorrectly associate her records as Isabella with another Isabella Jones, despite a different address. But if your last name is Wendlorskiman or Van Snabbleson, there should be no problem. I don't insist per se. I'm just not paying for it. If my kid has the money for such a thing, go for it. Will it be a problem? It can potentially always be a problem. I don't see why it would matter if the age change occurred before or after the age of 18. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigMamaBird Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 I'd be a little sad, I chose my kids' names very carefully and have meanings behind each of them. But at the end of the day, as long as it wasn't something ridiculous like Batman Thunder Fist, I'd get over it pretty quickly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wilma Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 My third girl has changed her middle name for all practical purposes (she's 6, and we're a good two years along). Rather than the given name Anna Kate, she prefers and insists on Anna Elephant. So, there's that. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluegoat Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 When I was that age, I think every girl in my class wanted to change her name, including me. I would tell her to wait. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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