Maus Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 So, I'm trying to create a poll, based on a conversation about perception that DH and I had after I'd been in a heated discussion with a woman I know. I clicked on "Manage Topic Poll" and created the question and distractors. Then I clicked "Finished" and that pop-up closed, but I must be missing a step, because everything just went away... .... oh, okay, never mind. There it is. How did I do that? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 I'm going to like people who smile at me and joke and are themselves with me. So yes, I assume they like me as well. Otherwise why would they act that way with me? Not that I think that much about it. ETA: since they are acquaintances, I'm assuming the liking is not some kind of undying "like" or anything. Just that they enjoy being around me. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
forty-two Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 I'm going to like people who smile at me and joke and are themselves with me. So yes, I assume they like me as well. Otherwise why would they act that way with me? Not that I think that much about it. ETA: since they are acquaintances, I'm assuming the liking is not some kind of undying "like" or anything. Just that they enjoy being around me. This. I generally assume that people who act in a friendly manner toward me have friendly feelings toward me. As Jean said, that doesn't mean undying friendship, just that I generally assume they aren't gritting their teeth on the inside or something - that their outward actions toward me (of enjoying some friendly chit-chat) accurately reflect their inner feelings toward me. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 I assume most of them like me back. I actively dislike very few people. So, I guess most people also dislike very few people. If the person hangs out with me, I assume I'm not one of those. 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 Some of them. I'm a realist. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 I assume most of them like me back. However, I respect their right to feel dislike or ambivalence towards me so I don't get all offended that liking me isn't a universal default. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cindy in FL. Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 Most of them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tm919 Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 Most of them, but I like most people so maybe I'm confused? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 Do most people evaluate their acquaintances though? I just live in the moment. They are casual friendly encounters even if they are people I meet weekly at church etc. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 I said Most and would guess that's the typical response except for those who have low self-esteem or other issues. I've never really thought about it before, though there are a couple of acquaintances I know who are friendly to people in person but bad-mouth them behind their backs, so of course I wonder if they do the same to me; I'd guess that's pretty likely based on their past behavior. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 I assume people like me, I guess, unless they give me some reason to believe otherwise. Truthfully I don't actively think about it though. I am *far* more concerned with whether or not I like them :coolgleamA: . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 I said "some," because I admire some people who are better people than me. I don't know, but they might not like me back. I'm not gonna go ask them. ;) 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 I assume most of them like me back. However, I respect their right to feel dislike or ambivalence towards me so I don't get all offended that liking me isn't a universal default. That's a pretty good way to state how I feel about it. I don't actively evaluate my acquaintances but I have noticed that there are several that I kind of avoid if I see them at the library or grocery store or something. Maybe not totally avoid, but try to limit it to a quick 'hi' as I walk by vs stopping to chat for a minute. Some people just rub me the wrong way. So I assume some folks feel that way about me, too. I'm sure those folks are fine people, just not my cup of tea. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bolt. Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 I find that hard to quantify because people "like me" different amounts. I don't think many "like me" lots, because if they liked me that way, we'd make friends, not remain acquaintances. But I imagine that most of them "like me well enough, I guess" -- as in, they don't dislike me, but they don't give much thought to it. So, to rephrase: How many of them do I think "don't like me"? -- very few. How many do I think "actually like me" -- also not many. Most are in between... That's why they are acquaintances. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 I assume most like me. If it seems they don't, I assume it's about them and not me. I don't think too hard about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 It's also worth noting that being an outlier is the new normal, so defining 'normal' is a bit of a minefield. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 That's a pretty good way to state how I feel about it. I don't actively evaluate my acquaintances but I have noticed that there are several that I kind of avoid if I see them at the library or grocery store or something. Maybe not totally avoid, but try to limit it to a quick 'hi' as I walk by vs stopping to chat for a minute. Some people just rub me the wrong way. So I assume some folks feel that way about me, too. I'm sure those folks are fine people, just not my cup of tea. But that's not what the poll asked. It asked about people that you actively like. I tend to be ambivalent about the people who are ambivalent about me and to avoid the people who actively dislike me. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThisIsTheDay Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 Acquaintances. I assume most like me back. I like them. However, if we got to know each other better, we might not like each other as much. And that's okay. At this point, we aren't close enough to see flaws that might drive someone crazy--that very much goes both ways. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 But that's not what the poll asked. It asked about people that you actively like. I tend to be ambivalent about the people who are ambivalent about me and to avoid the people who actively dislike me. But several of these folks I kind of try to avoid do actively like me. One emails me asking to get together and another stops me when we're out and talks about wanting to get together as couples. So I'm assuming they actively like me, but I don't care for them. Which leads me to believe that there are folks *I* actively like but who don't like me back. I kind of reversed it- reasoning if some people like me but I don't like them, that there are probably people I like who don't like me back. And there are some acquaintances who avoid me just as much as I avoid them. Mostly people I used to know from homeschooling. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 sure. There are people who avoid me (even on this board. ;) ) But I guess I'm an optimist. I go into each encounter with the assumption that I'm likeable on a superficial aquaintance level. If not, ok then. I don't pursue it. And I'm not hurt either. Because. . . aquaintances. But I think I've done more thinking about this sort of thing in an evaluative way in the last couple of days on this board (due to threads that are up) than I have in my entire life! Friends are a totally different thing for me. I have friends going back 40 years. I don't do a lot of evaluation there either but we've weathered the test of time. I would be very hurt if something happened to derail those friendships because they aren't superficial. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Strawberry Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 I used to think most people liked me. I'm entertaining. I'm friendly. I like almost everyone. A few years back, it was brought to my attention that some people I liked, who I thought liked me, actively did not :( Now I'm thinking that maybe the reason so many people are "too busy" to get together is because they really don't like me at all. :'( 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Lulu* Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 I voted some. I don't think many actively dislike me; I just think most are ambivalent. I am basing that on the fact that I am ambivalent about the majority of my acquaintances. I have only a couple I actively dislike, and even a few of those I avoid I don't dislike as much as I just find them the sort who are always trying to get me to do things I don't want to do and don't understand no. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8circles Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 I said Most and would guess that's the typical response except for those who have low self-esteem or other issues. I've never really thought about it before, though there are a couple of acquaintances I know who are friendly to people in person but bad-mouth them behind their backs, so of course I wonder if they do the same to me; I'd guess that's pretty likely based on past their behavior. Well, I answered "all" but I'm pretty sure I don't have issues in this regard. The question is about acquaintances I like. There are a number of acquaintances I don't like & I assume don't like me either. So it isn't as if I think everyone likes me. But thoe ones I like? Yes, I assume they also like me. If I thought they didn't like me I probably wouldn't like them either. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 As long as I continue to get invited places and talked to when I didn't start the conversation, I'll assume those folks like me. If/when I'm doing it all, then I'll assume otherwise and back off. I don't really get bothered by either choice. I might if I had no friends/acquaintances at all, but that's not the case (yet). I voted most. I'm not sure there is anyone who is universally liked by all. I think jealousy would turn some off long before that hit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LMD Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 Everybody likes me! :D ;) 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 Well, I answered "all" but I'm pretty sure I don't have issues in this regard. The question is about acquaintances I like. There are a number of acquaintances I don't like & I assume don't like me either. So it isn't as if I think everyone likes me. But thoe ones I like? Yes, I assume they also like me. If I thought they didn't like me I probably wouldn't like them either. Bingo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 Everybody likes me! :D ;) Well... you could always start a controversial thread if you wanted to test that statement out. :lol: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JumpyTheFrog Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 Eh, I tend to assume that not many people like me. Sure, people talk and are friendly, but it never seems to get passed that. Lately I've found myself wondering if I died in a car accident and the funeral were held nearby, would anyone other than my parents, brother and his wife, in-laws, and two other families show up. I think it's because I've been "dumped" by too many "good friends" over the years, both as a kid and as an adult. We lost most of our "friends" five years ago and haven't been able to replace them. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 Isn't that what an aquaintance means? Someone you just talk and pass the time with in a friendly fashion? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 When I was young in school, nobody liked me. So, for many years I assumed that the people I met didn't like me. Somewhere around 30, that changed. And now I'm the other way. I assume that most people who meet me like me. Actually, I assume they all do, but I'm smart enough to know that there has to be someone out there who doesn't. Now, this doesn't mean that I think we'll be bosom friends, but if it's someone I'm chatting with in the karate waiting room, or at a homeschool event, I'll figure they like me well enough. It's been a lovely change as I've gotten older! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RioSamba Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 I'm generally pleasant and funny, plus I often have good snacks. People like to tell me their stories. I chose most. . 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JumpyTheFrog Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 Isn't that what an aquaintance means? Someone you just talk and pass the time with in a friendly fashion? Yeah, but I guess I assume that they are probably talking to me because they have nothing better to do. Considering that it seems my own friends don't prove to like me much, I have my doubts about acquaintances. I thought I had finally moved from the friendly to maybe actually starting to be friends stage with another woman, but now she isn't returning my texts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dmmetler Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 I tend to keep people at a distance, so I don't really expect to be "liked" by everyone. I don't really "like" many of my aquaintances because I don't know them well enough to like them, and I assume that's it's mutual. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
foxbridgeacademy Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 I assume that people I like will most of the time like me back. I can usually tell if someone doesn't like me, probably for the same reason I don't care for them. It helps that I don't know many people, we're kind of hermits here. I tend to have issues with moving from the acquaintance to friend stage, I really lack the energy or even interest to get that involved with other people. I already have several amazing friends, they just happen to all be related to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
38carrots Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 I used to think most people liked me. I'm entertaining. I'm friendly. I like almost everyone. A few years back, it was brought to my attention that some people I liked, who I thought liked me, actively did not :( Now I'm thinking that maybe the reason so many people are "too busy" to get together is because they really don't like me at all. :'( :grouphug: Don't take it to heart. They are not worth your time. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
38carrots Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 Eh, I tend to assume that not many people like me. Sure, people talk and are friendly, but it never seems to get passed that. Lately I've found myself wondering if I died in a car accident and the funeral were held nearby, would anyone other than my parents, brother and his wife, in-laws, and two other families show up. I think it's because I've been "dumped" by too many "good friends" over the years, both as a kid and as an adult. We lost most of our "friends" five years ago and haven't been able to replace them. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: I used to think that people liked me, but 5-6 women in the homeschooling crowd have distanced themselves in the last year. The ones we used to get together and seemingly mutually enjoy each other plus the kids got along really well. Now they are "too busy." So I'm not sure what happened, but it was a bit of a dent in how I think people view me. But the truth is that most people *are* too busy. So maybe it is not like they don't like you (or me lol) but are forced to prioritize with those who they like the most. Hang in there. New friends will happen. I personally don't feel I need many. One good friend is good enough. No, actually one good friend is wonderful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 Sometimes people won't like you because all they can see is that you're "one of THOSE!" and it really doesn't matter if "THOSE!" is homeschoolers, women, people of colour, rich people, poor people, people with visibly missing teeth, people with long hair, people with short hair, vegetarians, Paleo, people who like designer clothes, people who like to shop at thrift stores, people who wear makeup, or people who don't wear makeup. It's got nothing to do with you as a unique and multifaceted human being and you'll probably never find out what makes you "one of THOSE!" in their eyes anyway. The best thing to do is appreciate the good you see, move on, and see some more good in another acquaintance. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luuknam Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 Isn't that what an aquaintance means? Someone you just talk and pass the time with in a friendly fashion? I thought an acquaintance is someone you're acquainted with. E.g. coworkers you're not friends with. You could still be friendly with those, but not necessarily. You certainly don't have to like them, nor they you. I do think that most of the acquaintances I like probably like me, since I think "not liking" is often a mutual kind of feeling. I could be wrong though. I don't really care. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinder Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 I voted All the ones I like like me back. But I don't actually like *all* my acquaintances. I assume the ones I don't like probably don't like me either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 I'm not sure wondering about the number of people at your funeral should count to be honest. I suspect there could be quite a few at mine, but that's also because I know far more people than average due to working at the local high school for the past 16 years. Eliminate that and I suspect the number of people attending would be fairly average (family and a few closer friends/neighbors). There are even probably a few out there who would be rejoicing... it happens. Really, there isn't anyone who gets along with everyone IME. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tsuga Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 I put most. I think it's about 4/5 because I'm flaky. :( I think I disappoint people. I try not to but I forget things! So I like people who may not be able to tolerate forgetfulness. I don't take things personally, so I like most people. Anyone who reads into things is probably not going to like me, whereas I might like them in spite of the fact that they are overthinking everything, because I know it's just them and that's okay. I'm the one who might thoughtlessly, presumptuously bring someone a muffin, just trying to be nice. 20% of people seem to find that irksome. But here I am, just bringing the muffins. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mmasc Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 I used to think most people liked me. I'm entertaining. I'm friendly. I like almost everyone. A few years back, it was brought to my attention that some people I liked, who I thought liked me, actively did not :( Now I'm thinking that maybe the reason so many people are "too busy" to get together is because they really don't like me at all. :'( That sucks. And surely isn't true I hope. (((Hugs))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JumpyTheFrog Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 Well, as a result of this thread, I decided to text that woman one more time before giving up and she replied. She said she's been out of the country. I also decided to sign up for several events from the local homeschooling group. They are very active but the events interfere with our day usually. Maybe it's time to prioritize my social life a little more. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 I don't. I can't vote because the poll implies that I am assuming something about those I know. I don't assume. I hope that at least some genuinely like me. I hope that those who don't are willing to be pleasant and if they have to work with me, are willing to work with me in a pleasant manner. Otherwise, I don't think about it. Do I really like having a few close friends I can truly trust? Yes, and when there are times that I don't have that it makes it a bit harder to function. Would I like a larger group of people with similar interests that I can have some decent discussions with and go to the movies with/get coffee with, etc.? Sure. When I have that, its great. I don't think about whether they would really care if I passed on and I don't really stress over whether that second group genuinely likes me. If they don't treat me poorly, they don't gossip about me in a malicious way and they don't negatively impact my family, as long as they are pleasant to hang out with, I'm fine with that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 I work in pharmacy so I have a lot of acquaintances as patients. It isn't like we seek each other out, it is just that-- they need something from me, and I need to be professional to them in return. I probably have 200 people that I know by first and last name and can talk to them about at least one topic that is significant in their life. I have no idea if they like me or not, it doesn't really matter, so I said 'some'. I think people probably like me better as an acquaintance than when they actually get to know me. I ask a lot of questions and keep most acquaintances talking about their personal lives...not my life. Once people realize what my life is like on the inside, the chaos, the drama, the over-the-top stress....people figure out I am not really a good 'fun' friend. I have two IRL friends and only one of them knows about half of the crap in my personal life. The other one, I keep most of the conversation about her so that I can keep her as a friend. I just got a new friend recently and have decided to apply this strategy to that friendship as well. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 I've been burned on this before... sometimes it turns out that someone who I thought we had a fine casual friendship actually harbors a burning hatred of me. Awkward. But in general I assume most people I see on a regular basis and chat with like me fine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 I work in pharmacy so I have a lot of acquaintances as patients. It isn't like we seek each other out, it is just that-- they need something from me, and I need to be professional to them in return. I probably have 200 people that I know by first and last name and can talk to them about at least one topic that is significant in their life. I have no idea if they like me or not, it doesn't really matter, so I said 'some'. I think people probably like me better as an acquaintance than when they actually get to know me. I ask a lot of questions and keep most acquaintances talking about their personal lives...not my life. Once people realize what my life is like on the inside, the chaos, the drama, the over-the-top stress....people figure out I am not really a good 'fun' friend. I have two IRL friends and only one of them knows about half of the crap in my personal life. The other one, I keep most of the conversation about her so that I can keep her as a friend. I just got a new friend recently and have decided to apply this strategy to that friendship as well. I have a favorite pharmacy tech. and a favorite pharmacist and a favorite medical parking lot attendant. I know their names. They know mine. They seem to light up when they see me and we joke and laugh. It makes things pleasant for me when dealing with medical stuff that I could do without and hopefully it brightens up their day somewhat too as they put in their hours at work. They aren't friends. They are acqaintances. I did have one librarian move from that sort of acquaintance to casual friend. We share a bit more about our lives but it is still dependent on when we bump into each other though we did get together at Starbucks once. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 I don't put the weight of any expectations on an acquaintance. I mean, I guess I do expect normal adult behavior, but even then I know that isn't a given. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maus Posted October 13, 2015 Author Share Posted October 13, 2015 Eh, I tend to assume that not many people like me. Sure, people talk and are friendly, but it never seems to get passed that. Lately I've found myself wondering if I died in a car accident and the funeral were held nearby, would anyone other than my parents, brother and his wife, in-laws, and two other families show up. I think it's because I've been "dumped" by too many "good friends" over the years, both as a kid and as an adult. We lost most of our "friends" five years ago and haven't been able to replace them. I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one who has wondered if anyone besides family will come to my funeral! When a close friend moved away a few years ago, I sent her a very tearful email, making her promise to come to my funeral. It's okay, she already knew I'm crazy. She said she'll come! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 I voted some I actually think that the real answer is very few people like me ,and most people are polite and pretend to like me. Apart from the people on this forum I don't really have any friends as such. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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