Maus Posted October 13, 2015 Author Share Posted October 13, 2015 I voted some I actually think that the real answer is very few people like me ,and most people are polite and pretend to like me. Apart from the people on this forum I don't really have any friends as such. I tend believe that, too, that most people are just being polite and don't really like me. Mostly I believe they are neutrally tolerant, but there are a couple of people I believe might dislike me. And I believe that despite the fact that I like most people I meet. The interesting thing is, I assumed everyone thought that way, especially since DH does, too. Someone challenged that perception recently, and DH and I talked about it, and it occurred to me a simple poll could answer that. I'm amazed by the results; I would have predicted a fairly even spread between the four options, possibly with a slight lead for "most people like me." 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 I voted some I actually think that the real answer is very few people like me ,and most people are polite and pretend to like me. Apart from the people on this forum I don't really have any friends as such. "You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life." --Winston Churchill 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TianXiaXueXiao Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 I used to think most people liked me. I'm entertaining. I'm friendly. I like almost everyone. A few years back, it was brought to my attention that some people I liked, who I thought liked me, actively did not :( Now I'm thinking that maybe the reason so many people are "too busy" to get together is because they really don't like me at all. :'( I've been there. It hurts but it happens. I usually give people a lot of room for being human, but not everyone extends the same courtesy. I am not talking about being a drama queen. I just mean the minor fauxpas that aren't given the grace to recover from even though you'd extend it for others. At least we found out who the real friends are. (((Hugs))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HS Mom in NC Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 Some. I have a strong personality and some people don't like strong personalities. That's OK. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie12345 Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 I voted "some". Most of the people I spend time with are homeschoolers and team parents, so we have something in common, but we didn't exactly hand-pick each other. I like some of the people. Not all, probably not even most. But I think (I hope) I'm nice to everyone, because I really don't want to be uncomfortable at all of our activities, and I'm not about to have my kids quit things because I'm not besties with all of the adults! I figure everyone else feels the same way, so the odds are good that some people like me and others are just trying to have a pleasant day. Nothing wrong with that at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 I work in pharmacy so I have a lot of acquaintances as patients. It isn't like we seek each other out, it is just that-- they need something from me, and I need to be professional to them in return. I probably have 200 people that I know by first and last name and can talk to them about at least one topic that is significant in their life. I have no idea if they like me or not, it doesn't really matter, so I said 'some'. I think people probably like me better as an acquaintance than when they actually get to know me. I ask a lot of questions and keep most acquaintances talking about their personal lives...not my life. Once people realize what my life is like on the inside, the chaos, the drama, the over-the-top stress....people figure out I am not really a good 'fun' friend. I have two IRL friends and only one of them knows about half of the crap in my personal life. The other one, I keep most of the conversation about her so that I can keep her as a friend. I just got a new friend recently and have decided to apply this strategy to that friendship as well. This is pretty similar to my school experience with kids and many teachers outside my circle. But with my personal life, I already rarely share much in person. I share far more on here when I'm asking or answering questions. That's nothing new. It goes back to my youth. Due to the interruption the brain tumor caused at school, that one got shared more widely (small town - impossible to keep something like that hidden - esp when I missed as much school time as I did), but that's the only exception I can think of. There are only a couple of friends who know more details and the one who knows the most is a BTDT with her own serious health issue co-worker, so there's a connection we have that wouldn't be there with others. I have friends (vs acquaintances), and deeper things are often shared, esp over lunch (hopes, dreams, fears - good, bad, and ugly), but it's more on their side than mine. I'm ok with that. I also tend to share more good than bad when I share IRL. Things that get me down are usually just mine to handle or sometimes shared with hubby or that BTDT close friend. Occasionally that gets to me and I wish there were someone else, but usually I'm ok with it. As mentioned before, it's been that way ever since I can remember. Quite honestly, I don't think others really care to hear the bad anyway - except in situations where it's a similar issue and they want to know they aren't alone with their feelings (why BTDT can connect). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Callie Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 Do most people evaluate their acquaintances though? I just live in the moment. They are casual friendly encounters even if they are people I meet weekly at church etc. This. I never think about it. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LMD Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 I said most. I'm pretty friendly and people tend to chat easily with me, I get a lot of people wanting to catch up. I'm an optimist and see good in people, my dh is the opposite! I'm also a very busy introvert! So I just don't have time or energy to cultivate closer relationships even though we like each other. Hence, a lot of acquaintances who I like and who I assume like me too. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 I voted some, relevant to my current circle of acquaintances which is mostly college students and Walmart cashiers. I assume people are nice in a job because they're trained and like a paycheck. At college, I assume the students are nice to me because they have manners. I'm having a hard time moving from acquaintance to friend in the college category because I'm not really sure how people feel about me. Only a few of the students I interact with are my age. I don't have an issue with it, but it's hard to figure out how they feel about me Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 This. I never think about it. You know, on further reflection, I prefer not thinking about it. Evaluating every encounter would be tiring. Do they like me? Is their smile genuine? Are they trying to get something out of me? If they are busy and tell me they need to go is there another subtext there? Yuck. So while in one sense I assume that people like me, I'm not really thinking about if they like me or not. My happiness and my comfort level in social interactions is not dependent on whether they like me or not. I do like pleasant encounters with people. (Who doesn't?) I do like meaningful encounters with people. I get a kick out of the small quirks and things that make people unique. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 So while in one sense I assume that people like me, I'm not really thinking about if they like me or not. My happiness and my comfort level in social interactions is not dependent on whether they like me or not. Ditto. I spend no time at all worrying about it or changing who I am to try to ensure people like me. Well... I try to use basic social skills, but that's because we live in a social society and these skills tend to be there for a reason. I don't follow fads to try to be any part of an "in" group though. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alice Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 I said "All". I'm sure there are people who dislike me but I tend to think those are the people I dislike also. We just rub each other the wrong way. I don't really dislike very many people. I think most of my feelings toward acquaintances are fairly neutral. I like them fine but it's not like I have strong feelings either way. I assume that most people I would consider acquaintances feel the same about me. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one who has wondered if anyone besides family will come to my funeral! When a close friend moved away a few years ago, I sent her a very tearful email, making her promise to come to my funeral. It's okay, she already knew I'm crazy. She said she'll come! I don't need a funeral. Funerals are for the survivors and they are very expensive. My sons could buy an awful lot of frozen casseroles for what it would cost to throw a funeral. I'm not exactly a saint, though, just a very 21st century curmudgeon, lol. I have similar fantasies about asking my older son to log on to my computer, go to my forums, and post this link: and some very basic explanation such as "Iron Ethel Flint died in a fatal car accident caused by a driving while having a massive coronary and a brain aneurysm at 2:00 AM yesterday morning. She loved posting on internet forum boards and wanted me to tell you what happened." It's probably best that this remains a fantasy or an idea for a storybook just as it is best that online friendships/acquaintanceships stay online. Great thread, Maus. TFS Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kewb Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 To be honest, I never even thought about it. I would have to guess that not everyone likes me back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 I don't think most of us ever really think about this. We answered because we were asked to think about it for a moment. I am 100% fine whether I'm liked by all my "acquaintances," or none of them, or any number in between. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
go_go_gadget Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 There exist situations in life in which it's in the best interest of a group's dynamics for members of the group to interact with each of the other members in basically the same way. I might not like a particular coworker, for instance, but I would interact the same way with them as I would with the others, not because I enjoy being duplicitous but because to make my dislike apparent would make everyone uncomfortable, and accomplish nothing. I wouldn't pretend that person was a close friend, but my manner towards them would be indistinguishable from my manner toward another coworker that I did like. I wouldn't invite just that person to dinner, but if I were having the group over I world include them. I would appear to like that person just fine. And so I do not assume anyone likes me. Neither do I assume they dislike me, and none of this makes me uncomfortable in social situations. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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