laundrycrisis Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 Often lately, I am left shaking my head about some of the things people feel comfortable asking others to fund for them. Not medical or therapy costs related to illness, accidents, disability etc, legal expenses related to certain cases, or some other humongous expense nobody could have planned for, I get that. Or some cause to help more people than just themselves. But.... give me money to pay for my kid's extracurricular activity that we can't afford. Give me money to pay for my kid's expensive curriculum that I can't cover. Etc. Not fundraising - buy these flowers, coupon card, raffle card, chocolate, etc. At least with those, there is something offered in exchange, but just hey, give me cash. It's for an optional expense, but we want it, so give me cash. :blink: And I have to say, sometimes the tone is more demanding than asking. I don't get it. And putting it out there for the whole world, with no apology. At least make a funny video or something. I don't understand how anyone feels this is okay. 17 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SemiSweet Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 I don't think I've seen this, thank goodness. Yuck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovinmyboys Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 I am shocked as well. A family we know through sports set up a go fund me account to pay for their son's travel team. I don't know if they have raised any money, but they aren't shy about telling people about it. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jyhwkmama Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 I see it way too often on my FB feed. I cannot comprehend it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jyhwkmama Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 Here is a prime example. I always think, "why should I pay for your kid's expensive sport?" Club basketball is <daughter>'s vehicle to fulfill her dreams. As her team travels to tournaments the cost becomes large and very hard to budget. As a father that wants the best for all my children I ask for a bit of help do I can allow <daughter> to compete in the National tournament. Club fees, travel expenses and hotel are steep. Thank you for anything you can give to send my hard working and determined daughter to nationals. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laundrycrisis Posted September 19, 2015 Author Share Posted September 19, 2015 I saw one today that basically said the minimum cost to remain my friend will be $20, because my kid deserves xyz. No joke. I could be inclined to feel sympathetic toward the financial situation, but never for such an entitled and demanding attitude. And the xyz thing is nice, but there are much more affordable options than xyz. If I couldn't afford it, I wouldn't do it. I would not ask, much less demand with manipulative shaming language, that other people should pay for it. 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jyhwkmama Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 I just saw "fund my Expedition to Antarctica" and "Fund My Son Going to Sports Competition in Florida" It seems that many things that should be legitimate fundraisers (selling baked goods or doing lawn chores) are now just GoFundMe pages. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 Which is fine if I'm invested in the kid. I'll help a niece or nephew. I'm not so inclined to help a co-workers kid. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 So glad this isn't happening with my friends yet. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arliemaria Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 These are so funny to me and make me so glad I left facebook about three years ago. My son is designing t-shirts to sell. He wants to sell robot kits and toys, but he has yet to build a robot himself so he is designing robot t-shirts. I told him I'd give him a $100 toward shirt expenses and then we'll see. I am sure his grandparents will buy a shirt and maybe a few of our friends. He can take that money and decide if he wants to buy more shirts or stop. One of his older friends (15 year old; my son is 6), told him he'd shoot a commercial for his store. It is honestly hilarious all the talk and work that has gone into his store, Robots Robots Robots. My husband and I keep joking that even though we are homeschooling Robby is still doing a school fundraiser. Instead of a yucky candle, magazine subscription, or blah pizza you can buy a t-shirt designed by a six year old. I guess this is a modern day lemonade stand. :) Really though, when I was a kid and did xyz sports (even at the national level) we had to get local businesses to sponsor us and a bazillion fundraisers. Our parents never begged other adults on our behalf. We had to work for our money. Sometimes it meant also that I couldn't do a sport for a few months while my dad was unemployed or they just couldn't afford something. I had to wear old running shoes or not own the best newest equipment. These small things were big life lessons, however. 13 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momto10blessings Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 I had to block a high school friend on fb because of this. Her child's sports team couldn't afford uniforms and she was posting about 10 times a day and then got furious when someone called her out on it. What happened to making the kids earn the fundraising? Now it's just the parents posting on fb saying give my kids money. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BooksandBoys Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 I know someone who does this to pay for her daughter's beauty pageants. It's infuriating for many reasons, not the least of which being that she has plenty of money while most of the people funding her struggle to make rent. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndyJoy Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 Someone I know posted trying to get donations to go to college. No info was given indicating any special circumstances or financial hardships, just a link to donate. (I just discovered it did say her husband lost his job and she didn't want to have to work so much while going to school.) The next day she reposted with the message, "Don't make me beg, people." Umm, that's exactly what you're doing! 11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 I think it's just the evolution of school-based/group-based fundraising, and I don't even like that. Unless it's Thin Mints... 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamiof5 Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 I do not consider this fundraising, but begging? I haven't seen any of those, thankfully 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 I've not seen this, but I'm not on social media. It sounds absolutely dreadful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kewb Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 I don't begrudge anyone asking to help fund something that is important to them. I can choose to give or not. The economy stinks and everyone has shrinking budgets. Small businesses don't have the funds to sponsor sports teams. So many factors go into why someone would fund raise. I hate school fundraisers. I don't want wrapping paper, candles, or overpriced popcorn and cookie dough. If it is an organization or effort I support I will give what money I can so the Org gets all of my donation not pennies on the dollar. If it is for a kids activity I would rather see the kid writing something about the gofundme then the parents because that is an opportunity to practice some leadership skills. I can't get my knickers in a twist about people asking/begging. To me, it falls under people can invite whomever they want and I can choose if I will attend. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 See, what I'm wondering is why anyone capitulates, whoch "rewards" the gauche asker. So far, this has not happened to me even once. The only requests for money I have ever gotten have been for missions trips or to adopt a child. There was only one missions trip that I felt was a little ridiculous, because it was in a vacation location, not in a destitute third-world country. So, it did sound like, "please help me take a <cough> "missions" <cough> trip to a village on the Mediterranean." I simply did not contribute to it. I do remember, years before FB and GoFundMe were in existance, a family asked for donations to fund her golden child's sport. In the previous years, this family had organized a golf tournament to benefit the community sports organization, which was fine. But suddenly, one year, the flyers said, essentially, "Smithsberg Golf Tournament! Sign up for this exciting annual event to benefit John Golden Child as he succeeds in playing Club Somesport." I remember how people were totally shocked at this. People all over town were mentioning this family and saying, "can you believe this? Our kids are in sports, too!" I was just embarrased for them. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 I would rather see a sports team ask for money in a low-pressure venue like GoFundMe than knock on my door to sell me popcorn. I haven't seen much abuse of that means of fundraising except in the local FB chat group, where the donation requests are becoming almost as frequent as "for sell" posts. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laundrycrisis Posted September 19, 2015 Author Share Posted September 19, 2015 I am not talking about a team asking for money. Just people, saying help us pay for xyz. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie Smith Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 I don't like the fact most runs (Think, 5Km, 10Km...) are tied to fund raising. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laundrycrisis Posted September 19, 2015 Author Share Posted September 19, 2015 When they are for a charity that does good things, I don't mind that the entry fee goes t the charity. I don't mind fundraising for pledges for real charities either. This is just people, setting up a page and saying help me pay for the expensive stuff I want but can't afford. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 A relative did ask for people to help fund a just-for-fun trip to London. I thought it was odd but she wasn't pushy so I didn't mind the asking. Another relative planned her own baby shower and made some rather demanding comments on Facebook about what items she wanted and what people should not buy for her. Then she threw a fit via a passive-aggressive "you" status when someone apparently told her offline that her requests were not polite and that isn't how it works. I hid her on FB a long time ago, but thankfully that kind of attitude is an exception in my experience. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MedicMom Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 We are struggling to pay the baby's medical bills that insurance didn't cover, and I've really thought about setting up a gofundme account. I just can't bring myself to do it. I can't imagine setting one up to pay for things like beauty pageants. Blows. My. Mind. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kerileanne99 Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 We are struggling to pay the baby's medical bills that insurance didn't cover, and I've really thought about setting up a gofundme account. I just can't bring myself to do it. I can't imagine setting one up to pay for things like beauty pageants. Blows. My. Mind. I think you should really consider doing it. Your situation and Caden's birth are great examples for what GoafundMe should be about. So many people shared your journey here that I am sure people would love to help. 14 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wonderchica Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 Medical or funeral expenses, sure. Worthy causes. The lady I know whose adult child moved across the world to take a low paying job in an extremely expensive country asking for people to pay for her child's vacation home "because I haven't seen her in 6 months"? No. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 We are struggling to pay the baby's medical bills that insurance didn't cover, and I've really thought about setting up a gofundme account. I just can't bring myself to do it. I can't imagine setting one up to pay for things like beauty pageants. Blows. My. Mind. This is exactly what GoFundMe is for, and I encourage you to set one up. Or maybe a close friend or family member would do it for you? 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laundrycrisis Posted September 19, 2015 Author Share Posted September 19, 2015 Paying for specific extraordinary medical expenses is not about having a luxury. It's a situation nobody wants to be in, and it could happen to anyone. I don't think there is any shame in asking for help when something like that happens. 15 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlsdMama Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 I haven't had this personally. I have heard some complain about the costs of buying supplies to send their kids to school or for a book fee and have had to bite my tongue a bit hard, but other than that, not a lot of folks asking for handouts around here. Let's hope I'm the majority. :( 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ailaena Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 We are struggling to pay the baby's medical bills that insurance didn't cover, and I've really thought about setting up a gofundme account. I just can't bring myself to do it. Just in case you need a third person to support this idea, which I whole-heartedly do <3 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 Here is a prime example. I always think, "why should I pay for your kid's expensive sport?" Club basketball is <daughter>'s vehicle to fulfill her dreams. As her team travels to tournaments the cost becomes large and very hard to budget. As a father that wants the best for all my children I ask for a bit of help do I can allow <daughter> to compete in the National tournament. Club fees, travel expenses and hotel are steep. Thank you for anything you can give to send my hard working and determined daughter to nationals. Seriously? I couldn't muster up the whatever-it-takes to post something like that. I've seen at least four students in the past two years earn college sports scholarships through their devoted participation in their high school's sports program, with no elite club experiences involved. Wants versus needs, people, learn the difference. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 Someone I know posted trying to get donations to go to college. No info was given indicating any special circumstances or financial hardships, just a link to donate. (I just discovered it did say her husband lost his job and she didn't want to have to work so much while going to school.) The next day she reposted with the message, "Don't make me beg, people." Umm, that's exactly what you're doing! Wow. Entitled much? :glare: I hope no one donated any money. Her attitude was inexcusable. It is deplorable that she thought she was such a special snowflake that all she had to do was say, "Give me money," and then have the nerve to get annoyed when people didn't immediately rush to give it to her within a day. :svengo: Some people have an astonishing amount of nerve. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Florida. Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 I must have different friends because I haven't seen this on facebook. That's the only social media I frequent. I've heard people gripe about it, mostly here but elsewhere too, yet I haven't seen it among people I know. And not because the people I know are rich or even close to rich. I've seen exactly two requests for something among facebook friends. One friend set up a gofundme for help with her part of surgery costs, plus lost wages during her recovery. I donated. Another one has a daughter who wants to go on a trip to Europe next summer. Friend posted asking if people have items they don't want, consider giving them to her so her daughter can sell them. I'm putting some things aside until I can get them to her. We choose what to get all twisted up over. I choose not to be bothered about such things. As others have mentioned, it's better than overpaying for two lousy sheets of wrapping paper or other overpriced things we don't really want. Except, as EL said, Thin Mints. :) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laundrycrisis Posted September 19, 2015 Author Share Posted September 19, 2015 I'm certainly not twisted. However I am surprised that it's becoming so common to do this. Not, can I have your old stuff to sell. And as I have said before, not medical expenses. Just straight up, give me cash for something optional I want that I can't afford. I want money, and I think you have some extra, so you should give it to me. Sometimes it's even, you should feel ashamed if you don't give it to me. It's brazen, resentful and entitled. I am seeing it so often now. I hope this is not the new normal way to think about other people's money. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MedicMom Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 I feel weird because before I ask for money I feel like I should get rid of the cleaning lady once a week and the smart phone and those kind of things. Never mind the cleaning lady keeps me sane and I need a smartphone for work. I just feel weird asking for money from strangers. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laundrycrisis Posted September 19, 2015 Author Share Posted September 19, 2015 I feel weird because before I ask for money I feel like I should get rid of the cleaning lady once a week and the smart phone and those kind of things. Never mind the cleaning lady keeps me sane and I need a smartphone for work. I just feel weird asking for money from strangers. Do you have a friend you can trust to have an honest discussion with you about your situation ? That might help you clarify what you feel comfortable doing or not. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Entropymama Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 I know a woman who wanted to keep her son in private school after getting divorced, but couldn't afford it. I completely understood her situation, especially giving him some consistency at school with all the upheaval at home. Honestly, if she'd called me and asked I probably would have helped, but she did a go fund me page and I just felt it was tacky. I think that's what bothers us. It's not an honest ask for help. It's using social media to get what you want without actually interacting with the people you're asking. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
frogger Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 I hate fund raisers. If I don't want what you are selling than it's a very inefficient way to give. If something is really important to me than I will give for the sake of giving. That being said, many of the things mentioned in this thread are not things that would inspire me to give. It is amazing to me that we live in such a rich society that kids traveling all over or having professional grade equipment for a plethora of activities has become the norm. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 We are struggling to pay the baby's medical bills that insurance didn't cover, and I've really thought about setting up a gofundme account. I just can't bring myself to do it. I can't imagine setting one up to pay for things like beauty pageants. Blows. My. Mind. That is what GoFundMe is for! I have a friend whose nephew needs a liver transplant. The nephew is a toddler. I've never met the kid or his parents but of course I donated. There but for the grace of God go I. I did once donate to a team- 4th graders on an academic team that unexpectedly got invited to a national competition. It was a once in a lifetime opportunity. I also, though, heard them speak at several town events about what they do. It wasn't parents just asking for kids, it was kids campaigning, and I can value that. In general, though..... go do a carwash or a spaghetti dinner or a bake sale or rake leaves for money. I'll contribute cheerfully if I can when the kids work for it. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 In my circle of friends, if someone is short on money for needs (groceries, medical, whatever), we sell stuff. When I was underwater every month, I sold a computer, my kitchen aid mixer, a side table, etc. If you expect people to sacrifice for you, you should sacrifice as well, ya know? Wants are totally on the person and no one should hear how you are struggling to make your Want reality. On the other hand, I have NO problem whatsoever sacrificing for someone who is having major medical (or just one thing after another adding up to major) problems. Those are the times a "fundraiser" is totally acceptable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lamppost Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 deleted... maybe too many identifying details. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VaKim Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 Entitlement for sure. But I can't help but wonder about the people who actually contribute to these things! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donna Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 I know a lot of musicians and nearly every day there is another one running some sort of "help me fund this" page so they can record/mix/master their new music on a CD. At first I tried to help out each one I knew especially if I liked their music…plus most were basically a pre-order of the new CD or digital download (ie. pay $20 now and when the music comes out, you receive your signed copy). Since I would have probably purchased their music anyway, I did it ahead of time to help them out. Time in the studio, professional mixing and mastering, then purchasing the first CDs is a big outlay of money (ask me how I know). Now there are just too many. So many are asking people to help them and I can't afford to help every single one asking. Also, I could not bring myself to do one when my kids were doing their own CD. We simply set aside the money and paid for things ourselves then reimbursed ourselves as the CDs sold. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndyJoy Posted September 20, 2015 Share Posted September 20, 2015 Wow. Entitled much? :glare: I hope no one donated any money. Her attitude was inexcusable. It is deplorable that she thought she was such a special snowflake that all she had to do was say, "Give me money," and then have the nerve to get annoyed when people didn't immediately rush to give it to her within a day. :svengo: Some people have an astonishing amount of nerve. Yep. She got $30 and once time was up she posted something like "well that didn't go as well as I'd hoped." It was very odd and awkward. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
idnib Posted September 20, 2015 Share Posted September 20, 2015 Entitlement for sure. But I can't help but wonder about the people who actually contribute to these things! I know. It's like spam that way. People keep sending email spam so I guess it must work, but I wonder who responds to those as well. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mimm Posted September 20, 2015 Share Posted September 20, 2015 Wow, I've never seen anyone ask for funding for anything but adoption expenses and medical expenses, neither of which I think are bad things at all. Extracurriculars, are you kidding? Beauty pageants?? :glare: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luanne Posted September 20, 2015 Share Posted September 20, 2015 In my circle of friends, if someone is short on money for needs (groceries, medical, whatever), we sell stuff. When I was underwater every month, I sold a computer, my kitchen aid mixer, a side table, etc. If you expect people to sacrifice for you, you should sacrifice as well, ya know? Wants are totally on the person and no one should hear how you are struggling to make your Want reality. On the other hand, I have NO problem whatsoever sacrificing for someone who is having major medical (or just one thing after another adding up to major) problems. Those are the times a "fundraiser" is totally acceptable. With the way it is currently, selling stuff isn't as easy as you think. I've had furniture for sale on craigslist and books on vegsource and have had ZERO takers on any of it. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted September 20, 2015 Share Posted September 20, 2015 With the way it is currently, selling stuff isn't as easy as you think. I've had furniture for sale on craigslist and books on vegsource and have had ZERO takers on any of it. At least around here, people seem to do better with local facebook pages that are for local selling. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThisIsTheDay Posted September 20, 2015 Share Posted September 20, 2015 Friend of dd's created an account for donations so she could take a summer trip to a foreign country during high school. Even more odd was the fact that she was a military kid and spent several of her tween/teen years living in Europe. Shocked me, really. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted September 20, 2015 Share Posted September 20, 2015 I've now seen it for a wedding, starting a business, and vet bills. They were pretty much ignored. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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