For fun: Before I had kids I said I would never...

[kirstenhill]

We've all heard people say, "I said I would never let the TV babysit my kids" (until you discover the joy of an uninterrupted shower or time to cook dinner) or "I'll never say 'because I said so'" - And then you have a 3 year old who says why a thousand times a day.

 

Here's my funny one I was thinking about this week. When I was growing up, I would often spend a couple weeks in the summer with extended family. I was an only child, and my mom is both the frugal and environmentally conscious type who hates excess packaging. This family was in a different income bracket, more kids, busier lifestyle that involved lots of sports practices, camps, clubs, etc. I was always appalled at the number of pre-packaged snacks, individually packaged items, etc. I always said, "When I am a parent, I am so not going to buy all these convenience snack foods! Think of all the waste! I am going to make homemade snacks or have my kids eat fruit and veggies for snack!" (Haha, I think I was kind of a weird kid that I wanted fruit and veggies and not sweet snacks!)

 

I was looking in my pantry as I packed my daughter's lunch for camp and packed a snack bag for the boys and I to take to the pool. Goldfish crackers! Pre packaged Trail mix! Granola bars! fruit strips! Animal crackers! Individually packaged meat sticks! We eat plenty of fruit and veggies too but I totally get it now...LOL. With four kids someone's always hungry just as you are about to leave or as soon as you get someplace. In the summer I just keep a bag filled with snacks to grab when we are on our way out for the afternoon. :-) I would love to make homemade snacks but who has the time...or wants to turn on the oven in the summer? I feel like I am doing well if I mix up my own trail mix. ;-)

 

What did you say you would never do or never say when you had kids?

[JustEm]

I said I would never homeschool! Then my first started reading at 3 and was advanced in math as well. Since he has a late birthday he would have been 6 in kindergarten and entirely bored out of his mind. Because I hated my entire time in school because of boredom I wasn't going to let it happen to my kids. So now I'm determined to homeschooling them.

[Beaniemom]

I said I would never use a "leash" for my child. Then Ds was born 15 months after dd1 and dd1 was a wanderer. Dd's puppy backpack was everyone's best friend. We added a monkey backpack for ds 2 years later when I had 3, 3 and under.

[The Girls' Mom]

I would never tell my kids how to dress.   :lol: My mom harped on my clothing choices all the time.  

 

Then I was gifted with a child that defaults to the homeless look.  I didn't realize pre-kids how much judgement the PARENT gets for how their kid looks..lol.

 

 

[SparklyUnicorn]

I said I would never have kids...

 

 

[Slache]

I said I would never use a pacifier. I've never said because I said so. I have, however, frequently used the phrase "asked and answered". I hate because I said so.

 

There wasn't a lot I said I wouldn't do, but there was a lot I said I would do that I will never do. I said I would go on long road trips with the kids. I don't want to do that. I was going to have a vegetable garden. I don't want to do that either. Fortunately my husband does. I'm a better mom than I thought I would be, but there are some really great things I just don't want to do anymore. Like camping with small children. I thought that would be so much fun until I had small children.

[MEmama]

I never thought kids at all before I had one (despite the fact he was planned).

 

There are some things that are unfathomable to me as a parent, but those have remained consistent.

 

Even when I was pregnant I didn't think I'd do (or not do) this or that, or wonder what having a baby might be like. I wasn't the type to plan my wedding before it happened either, though.

[ThursdayNext]

I said I would never have a kid who was 3 and still not potty trained. Hah! My kids would be potty trained by their 2nd birthday, or at least before 3. And I said it to a mom, who didn't potty train her boys til after 3. Oops.

 

My second kid, a boy, fixed me there. He took til 3 1/2. He's 4 and still has accidents every week.

[The Girls' Mom]

I said I would never have kids...

 

Oh yeah...that totally.

[Miss Marple]

Oh, my kids would NEVER eat in the car.  Fast forward to a conversion van with 4 kids under age 6.  McDonald's evidence everywhere LOL

[UncleEJ]

I said I wouldn't co-sleep or use a pacifier. Well DS1 was a fussy, colicky baby. He never slept or stopped crying. I would have died of sleep deprivation had I not figured out how to nurse in my sleep! And I had to give my b**bs a break and give him a binky.

 

I am still holding on to the conviction that my kids will never have TVs in their rooms. We'll see how that turns out...

[lllll]

nm

[Miss Marple]

 

 

I am still holding on to the conviction that my kids will never have TVs in their rooms. We'll see how that turns out... 

Stand firm, momma!  This is one that I had and stuck with :)  Still no TV except in the family room.  

 

We spent the week with my married son and dil recently.  While there, we visited my uncle (who is only a few years older than me) and his family.  They just built a big, new home.  Each room had a TV larger than the one in my house!  And every room was oriented around the TV.  They even have a "movie room" (why???)  My sons remarked that they would "never" have a TV in their kids room - although they liked the movie room.  I was happy to see that they survived and forgot their angst of being "the only kids without our own TV".  

[SKL]

I was going to make a list, but pretty much 90% of everything I do, LOL.

 

Here's one I didn't see above:

• Read (to myself) in the bathroom.

[SKL]

Oh and my kids weren't going to have so many toys they couldn't keep track of them all.  HA!

[Aspasia]

I said I would never homeschool, too! I said I would never cloth diaper (I worked with a little boy whose mom used cloth, and I thought it was just the worst idea in the universe--then I was cloth diaper obsessed for the first several years of motherhood). I said I would NEVER have a video game console. 

 

Nothing like parenthood to teach you to never say never. Nothing has ever humbled me more. And honestly, for me it took having more than one kid. I was still pretty sanctimonious when I just had the one. Because I could be! But #3 and #4 really broke me. Now I just look around at other parents, and as long as they aren't abusing their kids, I'm like, "Carry on, warrior!"

[Mimm]

Most of the things I said I wouldn't do, I don't do. But even while young, I think I was more realistic and less judgmental of other moms. I never claimed I'd never give my kids candy or use a leash or that they'd never pitch a fit in public or that they'd never use a pacifier. Actually I tried very hard to get my youngest using a pacifier and she never would. Most of my ideals, I still follow. Things like not criticizing my kids' looks, saying that I love them every day, never buying plastic noisy light up toys. The only toys like that my youngest has were given to her by her grandmother. And she loves them. :p

 

I was very idealistic about how I gave birth, and kind of judgy and a know it all about that. So I have chilled out about that. :) (Even before my emergency c-section, which makes me feel like karma was teaching me a lesson I'd already learned.)

 

Probably the biggest thing I violate my own ideals on is the use of screen time for all my kids. Even my youngest, but I can only read Green Eggs and Ham so many times before I'm desperately telling her to watch Finding Nemo. I comfort myself that she genuinely a book addict. At nine months old she was bringing us books and demanding we read to her.

 

I also yell sometimes, and I was going to be the mom who never yelled, but I work very hard on making that a rare occasion. It probably happens once every few months now, which is much better than when my oldest ones were little.

[Mimm]

Also, I said I wouldn't ever homeschool and that I'd never have a third child. I don't say never anymore. :)

[Kerileanne99]

I would never have a minivan.

Now I LOVE my van. It is a conversion wheelchair can with a side ramp I can roll into. The first seat is out which means a large open area to reach the car seats for the kids.

I would also never let them eat in the car. Yeah. For the first week:)

 

I would *always* answer every question my kids have. Yikes. I try, I do, but my child has an incessant supply and not all of them are even fathomable. Plus, must a question be asked 161 times?!

[Kerileanne99]

Oh, and we wouldn't 'change.' As in all our friends who had kids and suddenly had completely other ideas, goals, and interests. Those friends that all of their conversations, weekend plans, and lives revolved around their kids. Vacations that suddenly involved Disney rather than youth hostels and backpacking, lol.

[SproutMamaK]

I said I would never:
- homeschool
- let my kids go out in public with messy clothes/faces.

- let a child freak out in public without immediate, harsh correction. (I have two kids with autism, lol)

- use TV or video games just to get a break.

Ah, the idealism of youth.

[Garga]

I don't know if it's a never, but I used to sit in the breakroom at work with my other childless coworker and we'd go on and on about how OUR kids would sit quietly whenever we told them to. I used to wax eloquent about how the Amish children would go to church and sit in silence on hard benches for 6 hours a day. If they could do it, so could mine.

 

I'm not sure where I got the information that Amish kids sat there that long as I've never actually seen an Amish church service and have NO knowledge of how it works, but I was sure I knew what I was talking about.

 

And then my oldest has ADHD. I used to time him and he didn't sit still for more than 3 seconds. I remember spending at least an hour a few times over the years watching him and counting seconds to see how far I could get before he'd wiggle around. one...two...thr--wiggle. One...tw-wiggle. Even when we'd play statue, just to see if he could be STILL, he could NOT.

 

So many coworkers would walk through the breakroom and give me and my friend odd looks when they overheard us going on about raising children. I wish I could go back and appologize to them all. I must have come across as an obnoxious twit.

[snickerplum]

I said I wouldn't let my children play with techie toys (pretend phones, remotes, loud fake key fobs, etc.). Two of my 4 have old dead cell phones. :P

I also said I'd never tell my kids to stop crying. I got hurt one time and my dad told me to stop crying and it hurt my feelings. Little did I know I'd end up with children who cry over nothing. Literally. All the time.

[Spryte]

I said I would never have kids...

Yup.

 

And then when we started thinking we would, I said we'd never stop backpacking. Once we had a baby on the way, I said we'd at least car camp. Then we had kids and ... We don't really camp much at all.

[plansrme]

Spend $195 at a Jolyn trunk show for three bathing suits that, all balled up together, are smaller than a softball. Maybe than a baseball. In my defense--oh, never mind. I have no defense other than that she doesn't really ask for much in the way of stuff.

[Tsuga]

I said I wouldn't let my children play with techie toys (pretend phones, remotes, loud fake key fobs, etc.). Two of my 4 have old dead cell phones. :p

I also said I'd never tell my kids to stop crying. I got hurt one time and my dad told me to stop crying and it hurt my feelings. Little did I know I'd end up with children who cry over nothing. Literally. All the time.

 

I wonder where they got it from... ;)

 

I wasn't going to put my children through public school. Also I was not going to yell. I would speak calmly and repeat myself in the mom voice with the mom look and they would understand and know that I would JUST NOT PUT UP with that.

 

:o

 

I have stuck with a lot of the easier things, though. And some things were different when they were little. When I had two under three, of COURSE we didn't have a ton of packaged food. Now we have more but that's because I have stuck to my guns on some other things, like my kids will get to play sports and have sleepovers and have friends and play music and join the science camp like I always wanted to. So, now they eat granola bars and pretzels with hummus and popsicles, the horror. (As babies it was homemade whole wheat bread with homemade butter and jam... yes, I did that for you, dear babies.)

[ErinE]

Stand firm, momma! This is one that I had and stuck with :) Still no TV except in the family room.

 

We spent the week with my married son and dil recently. While there, we visited my uncle (who is only a few years older than me) and his family. They just built a big, new home. Each room had a TV larger than the one in my house! And every room was oriented around the TV. They even have a "movie room" (why???) My sons remarked that they would "never" have a TV in their kids room - although they liked the movie room. I was happy to see that they survived and forgot their angst of being "the only kids without our own TV".

We very briefly had a television in our bedroom as I was pregnant and had trouble walking up the stairs (and our bed was much more comfy than the couch). Post delivery, I grew to dislike it. One of us would want to sleep while the other watched a show. We no longer have a tv in our bedroom,

[Mommy22alyns]

I said I would never homeschool.  Well.....

[luuknam]

I'm not 100% sure, but I've probably said something along the lines of never putting my kids in school, or at least not in a normal school (as opposed to e.g. Sudbury Valley).

 

And then I had an autistic son with massive speech/communication delays, was about to have a baby, was broke with an unemployed bipolar spouse, and the early intervention people automatically started the process to let the school district continue services (i.e. enroll the kid in a mixed regular/special ed class) after C turned 3. So, given the circumstances, I ended up putting him in school. His first day was when he was 3 years and 3 days old.

 

ETA: one could of course argue that a mixed regular ed/spec ed class is not 'normal' school. Then and again, after two years of that, he ended up in regular ed with a 1-1 aid.

[Farrar]

Have more than one kid.

 

Stupid twins.

[Guest]

I thought I'd have more kids, and now I'm seriously contemplating being done so I don't have to be pregnant again :o

 

I swore I'd not be the yelling, frantic kind of mommy. In my defense I wasn't for the first three!

 

I swore I'd always be able to keep both house and kids. Until this last baby I could, but with my health in the toilet I admit the toilet isn't sparkling.

 

Pride, falls, and all that jazz. Yeah.

[luuknam]

Oh, and I've said some mean things before kids about how day care is more like "they don't care" (foreign accent... day and they sound about the same). Day care was a life saver though the summer after B was born. Just dropping C off for a couple of hours there two times a week... so helpful. And after we moved to WNY B went to daycare 1-2 days per week to give me a sanity break.

 

That said, I don't get how people can put their 6 week old in daycare full time (and yes, I know, money, but there are people who do that who can financially afford to not do that).

[Peaceful Isle]

I would never....

 

let them watch more than 30 minutes of tv a day.

bribe them to obey

homeschool them

let them have a bad attitude (lol)

eat colored cereal for breakfast

 

 

[umsami]

...drive a minivan.

 

...let them watch TV or use TV as a babysitter.

 

....feed them frozen chicken nuggets.

 

 

Obviously, I was wrong about all of the above. :)

[Cinder]

Buy our dc any video game stuff. They each saved up for a Nintendo ds and then jointly purchased a Gamecube. They bought the games themselves. Then one Christmas . . . we bought them a Wii. And some games too. :rolleyes:

[Ottakee]

When I babysat, I decided that I would never let my girls go out with messy hair and/or mismatched barrettes, pony tail holders, etc.....................well, that worked great for the one AA foster girl I had as I could do her hair and 4 days later it still looked great.............my adopted white girls, not so much.

[Slache]

My husband was really bad. He said his kids would never watch TV, never eat McDonald's, never wear hand me downs... He's an elitist and I'm kind of a hick. We balance each other out well.

[SKL]

That said, I don't get how people can put their 6 week old in daycare full time (and yes, I know, money, but there are people who do that who can financially afford to not do that).

 

Because they want to keep their job, which makes a big difference in the long run.

 

Being an adoptive parent and missing all the things "good parents" "wouldn't miss for the world" has helped me to put a lot of things in perspective.  Being away from a 6 week old kid for 9 hours per day doesn't sound so bad when you consider some "good parents" never had custody for the whole first year (or more).

[DawnM]

My kids would never talk back

My kids would never have a stay at home mom

My kids would never homeschool

My kids would never scream in public

 

This list could go on forever.

[SKL]

Come to think of it, there could be a whole other thread, "before I adopted kids," about how we thought our kids would be raised before we knew we were going to adopt.  Parenting is humbling, but adoptive parenting may be more so in some ways, because of the lack of control over so many things we thought were super important.

[luuknam]

Because they want to keep their job, which makes a big difference in the long run.

 

Being an adoptive parent and missing all the things "good parents" "wouldn't miss for the world" has helped me to put a lot of things in perspective.  Being away from a 6 week old kid for 9 hours per day doesn't sound so bad when you consider some "good parents" never had custody for the whole first year (or more).

 

It's not about you missing things. It's about the baby missing you. I can definitely do without a baby. I was a truck driver when C was about half a year old. I was gone for over a month once. But, he was at home with my spouse, a constant, familiar face. So many day cares have sky high turnover rates of their staff, and babies can't even talk to tell you how their day was.

 

I get that keeping working is better for your career. I still don't get it though. Anyhow, enough derailing of the thread.

[Tsuga]

Come to think of it, there could be a whole other thread, "before I adopted kids," about how we thought our kids would be raised before we knew we were going to adopt. Parenting is humbling, but adoptive parenting may be more so in some ways, because of the lack of control over so many things we thought were super important.

Before I was a mom, I couldn't fathom adopting because I thought I couldn't give up control of so much of their early life. I couldn't deal with circumstances I didn't create, I thought.

 

Now I realize that although there are surely unique challenges with adoption, that whole control thing was a silly illusion.

[Excelsior! Academy]

Oh my, so many things!!

 

I wouldn't have lots of children.  I had a period where I wanted exactly three.  First I would have a boy, then a girl followed by another boy.  Then after having children I lamented that I would only have one. It is even written in my eldest's baby book, by multiple people, that she would be the only one.

 

My children would *never* throw fits in the grocery store.  Never.

 

Or wear mismatched clothing to the grocery store.

 

 

 

 

[SemiSweet]

Oh man, I was such a better parent before I had kids. I would never let my kids talk back, be a mess, nurse past a year. I nursed 2/3 well past a year. One kid is always a mess and she also has quite the mouth, takes after her mother there. We definitely wouldn't eat fast food, oops. They would certainly know how to sit still and behave for a bit, I swear I have the most active toddlers in the world. Ah to be young and naive.

[kewb]

Before kids I was the best parent.

No snot nosed toddler in public.

No public tantrums.

Perfectly dressed.

Perfectly groomed.

Able to sit properly on restaurants (we didn't go out to eat from the time dd learned to walk until she was about 5 or 6 because she would not sit for more than 15 minutes).

No back talking.

Obedient.

No tv in their bedrooms (which I stuck to. But now that they are teens with smartphones the no tv rule is sort of moot because they watch everything on their devices. When they were younger no phones/laptops in the bedroom after lights out.

 

The things you learn once you actually have children.

[shawthorne44]

I don't really have many, but I have one big one.  I was never going to get married or have kids.  (Therefore I never gave a lot of thought to what my kids wouldn't do)  I used to joke about it, saying that I promised my first born child to about 50 people, so one of them was likely to show up.   Then I met DH when I was starting to reconsider the marriage thing, and he wanted at least one kid.  I think what I hadn't liked about the idea of having a child was the idea of being a single mother while married.  You know those couples, the dad graciously "babysits" the kids while the mother goes grocery shopping.  But, I knew DH would be a great dad.  I am so glad I changed my mind on marriage and kids.  

[Jen in NY]

I said I would never have kids...

 

Ayup. This.

[Mommy22alyns]

Oh yeah, I was never going to let my kids get hooked on video games.

 

But I forgot to also say they were never going to get hooked on computer games.

 

My bad.   :glare: