S/O Picky Eaters

[anmom]

I'm curious how you all handle children who are picky eaters? Do you've them other options? Make them try it or eat it anyway? Don't worry about it,etc?

 

It is a pet peeve of mine and I'd love to hear how you handle it.

[AmandaVT]

DS goes through varying degrees of pickiness. He's never liked avocado for some reason - even when he was a baby. It's easy enough to leave off of his serving, so I don't push it. In general, I made a decision to never make food a battle. I cook meals, I try to have something everyone likes in the meals and DS is free to get a yogurt or make himself a pb&j if he tries and doesn't like dinner. 

 

He's not super picky though - I'm not sure how I would handle it if he had a very short list of foods he was willing to eat. And he's always (so far) willing to try things, even if he's tried before and not liked them. I figure there are foods that I don't care for, and foods that DH doesn't care for, so DS is also allowed to have foods he doesn't care for. 

 

 

[Bluegoat]

They have to try it, but they don't have to finish it.

 

If they don't eat a reasonable amount, no sweet afterward.

 

If they don't eat much and are still hungry, they can have bread and butter.

 

I try not to make things I know they really don't like too often - a longstanding dislike - or put them in a position where their only food is something very weird or an acquired taste.  I don't force myself to eat things I really don't like so I won't do it to the kids either.

 

It seems to have worked fairly well so far, they like a lot of foods and don't really dislike many.  Even so, when I have tried to be more flexible it usually ends up with kids who will eat very little supper and try and fill up on sweets or alternate meals, just because the food isn't a favorite at that moment. 

[AK_Mom4]

Breakfast and lunch - they pretty much ate what they chose from what was available.

Dinner has always been our "sit down together" meal and we always tried to have something on the table that everyone would eat - usually a side dish.  As long as everyone had their first servings, my selective eater was welcome to fill up on the side dish of choice.  Also, once they got old enough, they were welcome to make their own alternative meal.  I always encouraged them to try a taste of new food, but it wasn't worth fighting over if they didn't like it. 

 

I have lots of foods that I really don't like and I am comfortable with my kids being selective about what they eat as well.

 

 

[mommymonster]

I have a super selective eater who has allergies and a kid who didn't eat orally until he was three (he had a g-tube). I make meals that are super flexible and hopefully as low-stress for everyone as possible. We went through years of feeding therapy and our cardinal rule is low-stress and as loving and "normal family" as possible.  With a new food, we put it on the plate and ask that it be left there. After that works (and it make take a few weeks), we have the kiddo touch it, then sniff it, then lick it, then put it in his mouth, then bite it. Sometimes the process goes more quickly (chocolate cake) and sometimes it doesn't go anywhere (most vegetables).

 

Last night we had baked chicken or tofu; pasta that was plain, had pasta sauce or ratatouille on it; salad; homemade bread and margarine; carrot sticks; corn; and strawberries. Everyone took what they could deal with, and it was lovely. That being said, it takes some work to make sure that everyone has food that works with their crazy. Tonight it will be Mexican. DH and I will have quesadillas with seitan, veggies and cheese, DS6 will have cheese quesadillas, and DS9 will have a turkey and tortilla "sandwich". We'll round out the meal with tortilla chips and sour cream, salads, and watermelon. 

[amo_mea_filiis.]

Mine just went to the feeding clinic.

 

We now stick to a meal and snack schedule, and he must eat low or non preferred foods before preferred foods. That means that right now I'm serving things I'd rather not, or I'd rather not serve as often as I am. He's not allowed to refuse and we're working towards normal servings of low/non preferred foods. Actually, he can refuse, but that means no preferred foods either.

 

We also have a plan to deal with his potential cycle of not eating at all.

 

Once he's consistently eating what I consider better foods, we go back to the clinic for a plan to wean off the constant preferred foods.

 

ETA: ds has geographic tongue and slightly lower muscle tone.

 

I fed ds and dd the same way in the early years. Dd will eat ANYTHING and loves strong flavors. Ds skates the line between picky and selective, and often drops foods.

[regentrude]

I have a very strong willed child who has always been a picky eater. At some point, it was clear that all attempts to encourage, coax, or enforce varied eating were doomed to failure - or would at least have made mealtime a thoroughly unpleasant experience and constant battle. I find it very important that mealtimes are pleasant family times and not occasions for fights.

I know my son's personality well enough to be sure he would have fought me to the point of near starvation. (I am not exaggerating: this is the kid who, at age 5, refused food for 3 days because he did not like the taste of the toothpaste and had decided that he would not need to brush teeth if he stopped eating. So yes, I knew what I was dealing with.)

 

I have chosen to accept the fact that my DS does not eat any vegetables. For years, his dietary repertoire was extremely limited: pasta could not have sauce on it, rice could not touch the meat, etc. Eating out was almost impossible.

I simply made sure he ate plenty of the fruits he liked. When I cooked meals, I made sure that there was one component he would eat - which meant, I only cooked modular meals: starch, veggies, proteins all separately. No casseroles or soups for the longest time.

 

Over the years, he has gradually expanded his repertoire of acceptable foods; he will now eat sauces, can simply move a vegetable to the side without refusing the entire dish, is willing to try more. He is extremely healthy and strong, never sick, eats copious amounts of fruit, and pays attention to his diet because he is an athlete.

I believe that, for our family, letting him be was the correct choice.

 

I have never been able to hide veggies in sauces like some parenting advice suggests - my kid is not stupid enough to be fooled like this; he tastes the hidden veggie. I also do not believe in force feeding children.

[Chris in VA]

Depends--

Some kids are picky because of sensory issues. They are real issues, and I would treat that much differently than preferences.

Also, some have "the bitter gene" or whatever it is called--they actually taste more bitter flavors (like in veggies) than other people.

 

I hated vegs when I was a little girl. Dinner was incredibly stressful for me. I liked spaghetti because I could relax and not have to deal with vegetables.

Really, it was awful as a child. Every single night I had to go thru the disappointment and discipline of my parents. When Mom made vegetable soup, I would just absolutely dread dinner. The memories are almost traumatic, truly. They didn't do anything abusive, they just didn't let me up until I'd eaten the vegs, or at least tried them. They had the best of intentions, trying to get me to eat healthfully (well, as much as they knew--Mom boiled most vegetables to death).

 

Turns out I have some sensory dealies, and I have the bitter thing going on. I eat vegs now if they are raw, or roasted.

 

So, for my kids, I had pretty good eaters, except my oldest. I didn't insist, but kept on trying to find healthy vegetables he would eat, fixed in ways he could tolerate.

 

[Farrar]

It is a pet peeve of mine and I'd love to hear how you handle it.

 

The way you ask this makes me wonder if you have a picky eater. And if you don't, if you think that your child rearing is the reason and that parents of picky eaters are doing it wrong.

 

Sorry, I just grew up as a picky eater. I was extremely picky. My mother was not the cause of this. Having a really sensitive palate (when I grew up and read about super tasters, I realized I likely am a super taster) was the main cause, but being a stubborn kid who needed control was a part too. When people pushed against my picky eating habits, I pushed back. I would throw up and starve myself to push back. Thank goodness the people who did that were not in charge of my eating for extended periods. I would have likely developed much worse lifelong food issues if I had been in situations like that for more than a couple of months. As it is, I grew up, I traveled, my sensitive taste buds lessened a little. I started eating more. I credit my mother for having been gentle to me about it. She didn't cater to me - she made me cook for myself, but she also let me have the control I needed to stay sane about food.

[MotherGoose]

There are children who have sensory issues and I'm not talking about them. I'm talking about "normal" children. Mine are "normal." And I wouldn't consider them picky. This is why I think they aren't picky: no sweets at all till first birthday cake: no ice cream, no pudding, no taste of grandpas cake. Nothing. No bananas. Gave them a variety of foods, including fish, spinach, etc. and as little "baby food" as possible. Got them eating from the table as soon as it was safe. Now at 6 and 9 I have no qualms about saying "you have to finish (undesired food) before you get any more (desired food)." They have gone to bed hungry and have a gone without food all the rest of the day when they refused food that was offered. I also almost never ask "what would you like to eat?" I tell them what's going to be served. I know I'm a meanie sometimes, but morbid obesity runs in dh family, and I've also seen some of his relatives as children who only ate a couple of things....one only chicken fingers and m and ms. If I suddenly wanted to break a child of picky habits I think I would only offer a few healthy desired things and gradually expose them to more. I would eliminate things very unhealthy entirely, for the entire family. Hunger is a powerful motivator, for the normal child. Our children are not in danger of starvation, but they are in danger of becoming used to eating junk, obesity, and dying of that.

[regentrude]

There are children who have sensory issues and I'm not talking about them. I'm talking about "normal" children. Mine are "normal." And I wouldn't consider them picky. This is why I think they aren't picky: no sweets at all till first birthday cake: no ice cream, no pudding, no taste of grandpas cake. Nothing. No bananas. Gave them a variety of foods, including fish, spinach, etc. and as little "baby food" as possible. Got them eating from the table as soon as it was safe. Now at 6 and 9 I have no qualms about saying "you have to finish (undesired food) before you get any more (desired food)." They have gone to bed hungry and have a gone without food all the rest of the day when they refused food that was offered. I also almost never ask "what would you like to eat?" I tell them what's going to be served. I know I'm a meanie sometimes, but morbid obesity runs in dh family, and I've also seen some of his relatives as children who only ate a couple of things....one only chicken fingers and m and ms. If I suddenly wanted to break a child of picky habits I think I would only offer a few healthy desired things and gradually expose them to more. I would eliminate things very unhealthy entirely, for the entire family. Hunger is a powerful motivator, for the normal child. Our children are not in danger of starvation, but they are in danger of becoming used to eating junk, obesity, and dying of that.

 

I am not sure I see the connection between pickiness and obesity. The picky eater may not necessarily refuse all healthy foods. Pickiness does not equal eating junk (says the mom of a picky eater who devours several pounds of fruit each day)

 

FWIW, we've done the no-sweets-for-little ones, very conscious about healthy food choices, table foods etc thing. Nope, that did not prevent picky eating for the kid who ate everything as a baby. OTOH, the kid who refused all solids until 1 year and spit out everything I tried to spoon feed became the most adventurous eater and foodie.

[Tanaqui]

Children can appear to be "picky" for all sorts of reasons. My mother, for example, was a "picky" eater. Years later it came out that she had undiagnosed asthma, and so as a child she only ate those foods she knew she could chew quickly because otherwise she couldn't breathe. You cannot tell from the outside that THIS child is normal while THAT child has a "good reason" like sensory issues.

 

I've also seen some of his relatives as children who only ate a couple of things....one only chicken fingers and m and ms.

 

This is actually pathological. If somebody came to me and said "my kid only eats two foods" I wouldn't give them your advice. I'd tell them to seek professional help from an expert in the field, because that is NOT normal. Normal children, no matter how indulged, eat more than two foods - and given that the traits that can cause "pickiness" seem to be hereditary, the fact that more than one child in the family has a restricted diet just reinforces my instinct here.

 

 

 

[Bluegoat]

I don't know that no exposure to sugar makes kids more picky.  i never banned sweets, or bananas, and my kids eat everything. I do have to restrict pickles, olives, and horseradish, because the kids would eat a jar of each a day.

 

My experience with kids whose parents are super-strict about food hasn't been very positive, actually.  They seem to be the ones that will sneak into the freezer to get ice-cream at a friend's house, or become candy-hogs once they get out of the house.

[Farrar]

There are children who have sensory issues and I'm not talking about them. I'm talking about "normal" children. Mine are "normal." And I wouldn't consider them picky. This is why I think they aren't picky: no sweets at all till first birthday cake: no ice cream, no pudding, no taste of grandpas cake. Nothing. No bananas. Gave them a variety of foods, including fish, spinach, etc. and as little "baby food" as possible. Got them eating from the table as soon as it was safe. Now at 6 and 9 I have no qualms about saying "you have to finish (undesired food) before you get any more (desired food)." They have gone to bed hungry and have a gone without food all the rest of the day when they refused food that was offered. I also almost never ask "what would you like to eat?" I tell them what's going to be served. I know I'm a meanie sometimes, but morbid obesity runs in dh family, and I've also seen some of his relatives as children who only ate a couple of things....one only chicken fingers and m and ms. If I suddenly wanted to break a child of picky habits I think I would only offer a few healthy desired things and gradually expose them to more. I would eliminate things very unhealthy entirely, for the entire family. Hunger is a powerful motivator, for the normal child. Our children are not in danger of starvation, but they are in danger of becoming used to eating junk, obesity, and dying of that.

 

My mother did many of those things. She was basically homesteading when I was little - growing all fresh food - garden and lake (fresh fish only) to table all summer. Not many sweets. Lots of whole foods from the time I was born. And guess what, she still got stuck with me, the picky eater, the difficult eater. And I am normal, thanks so much for that.

 

You want to talk "pet peeves." Here's mine: parents who take credit for things they don't deserve credit for. Like, you end up with a good eater, a kid who is done with algebra in fourth grade, a kid who heads to college at 15, a kid who rarely squabbles with his siblings, etc. etc. Guess what? It's a little parenting, a little genetics, and a little luck, and you only get to take credit for one of those three and it's rarely the biggest share.

 

I do think there are things you can do to help picky eaters. Some of them are the things in your advice. More whole foods, more simple foods. But some of your advice would have led me as a child to likely become anorexic. Or, to likely sneak and hide food routinely, which might have maybe led to obesity. Hunger was not a motivator for me as a child. I would have sat at the table and stared you down and refused to eat. And I did that several times in my youth, going for several days without any substantive food. You're lucky you didn't end up with a real picky eater.

[Kerileanne99]

I have a very strong willed child who has always been a picky eater. At some point, it was clear that all attempts to encourage, coax, or enforce varied eating were doomed to failure - or would at least have made mealtime a thoroughly unpleasant experience and constant battle. I find it very important that mealtimes are pleasant family times and not occasions for fights.

I know my son's personality well enough to be sure he would have fought me to the point of near starvation. (I am not exaggerating: this is the kid who, at age 5, refused food for 3 days because he did not like the taste of the toothpaste and had decided that he would not need to brush teeth if he stopped eating. So yes, I knew what I was dealing with.)

 

I have chosen to accept the fact that my DS does not eat any vegetables. For years, his dietary repertoire was extremely limited: pasta could not have sauce on it, rice could not touch the meat, etc. Eating out was almost impossible.

I simply made sure he ate plenty of the fruits he liked. When I cooked meals, I made sure that there was one component he would eat - which meant, I only cooked modular meals: starch, veggies, proteins all separately. No casseroles or soups for the longest time.

 

Over the years, he has gradually expanded his repertoire of acceptable foods; he will now eat sauces, can simply move a vegetable to the side without refusing the entire dish, is willing to try more. He is extremely healthy and strong, never sick, eats copious amounts of fruit, and pays attention to his diet because he is an athlete.

I believe that, for our family, letting him be was the correct choice.

 

I have never been able to hide veggies in sauces like some parenting advice suggests - my kid is not stupid enough to be fooled like this; he tastes the hidden veggie. I also do not believe in force feeding children.

I think I have your child:)

Really, my dd5 is very picky and strong-willed. I refuse to turn dinner into a war. And I know from experience that it is not worth it. I stopped eating meat before my own fifth birthday and every horrible punitive or otherwise attempt my parents made to force the issue failed miserably...I am now a 38!year old vegetarian.

Dd5 eats plain pasta or rice, plain beans, berries, protein bars, peanut butter, and a handful of other things. She will drink one type of fruit smoothie with a tiny bit of veg juice. We will keep offering other foods, but it just isn't worth a war

[anmom]

The way you ask this makes me wonder if you have a picky eater. And if you don't, if you think that your child rearing is the reason and that parents of picky eaters are doing it wrong.

 

Sorry, I just grew up as a picky eater. I was extremely picky. My mother was not the cause of this. Having a really sensitive palate (when I grew up and read about super tasters, I realized I likely am a super taster) was the main cause, but being a stubborn kid who needed control was a part too. When people pushed against my picky eating habits, I pushed back. I would throw up and starve myself to push back. Thank goodness the people who did that were not in charge of my eating for extended periods. I would have likely developed much worse lifelong food issues if I had been in situations like that for more than a couple of months. As it is, I grew up, I traveled, my sensitive taste buds lessened a little. I started eating more. I credit my mother for having been gentle to me about it. She didn't cater to me - she made me cook for myself, but she also let me have the control I needed to stay sane about food.

I'm not sure how I asked this was perceived as me thinking I'm a better parent than others, because that is not the case at all. I'm curious how others handle it in their own families because i have a child that is a picky eater. Just because it is my child doesn't mean I have to like it ðŸ˜

[MomOfABunch]

First, rule out any medical reason for being picky. When I was in grad school one class I took had a section on selective feeding disorders. We watched videos of swallow studies and GI studies (I forget the technical term). You could see liquid going into the airway (swallow) and the reflux coming back up into the esophagus (GI). This is stuff that needs medical attention.

 

If there is no medical reason, then I like "1 big boy/girl bite" for every year old they are. If they balk at that I don't push. I just say "ok, but no food until the next meal time." That's worked pretty well for me. You just have to be consistent for awhile. Along with "if you insult the food someone cooked for you, they may not want to cook for you anymore. Then what will you do? You will be pretty hungry!"

[Pawz4me]

My experience with kids whose parents are super-strict about food hasn't been very positive, actually. They seem to be the ones that will sneak into the freezer to get ice-cream at a friend's house, or become candy-hogs once they get out of the house.

 

Yes.

 

I've never seen a situation where a parent was hyper controlling (of anything -- food, TV or other electronics, etc.) produce an adult who was very good at regulating themselves.

 

Not to mention that I can't imagine dictating to someone what they can or can't eat. Tastes can vary so much. What one person thinks is delicious may be disgusting to another. I remember as a child how terribly, horribly bitter most vegetables tasted. Thankfully my parents never forced, and always offered other choices. And yet I spent a good many adult years as a vegetarian. ;)

[Arcadia]

My oldest is picky so I get him to cook his own food early.  He also does the grocery shopping with us so he picks his cooking ingredients.  So far his choices are all healthy and he doesn't mess up the kitchen with his cooking.

[anmom]

Yes.

 

I would never raise a child as the OP is doing. I've never seen a situation where a parent was hyper controlling (of anything -- food, TV or other electronics, etc.) produce an adult who was very good at regulating themselves.

 

 

I'm sorry, but what am I doing that is so wrong? If you look at my post, all I asked was how you handle it. I never commented on what we actually do! I'm confused what you read that made me seem hyper controlling? Wow!

[Pawz4me]

I'm sorry, but what am I doing that is so wrong? If you look at my post, all I asked was how you handle it. I never commented on what we actually do!

Sorry! I mistakenly referred to you. I edited out my first sentence. Blame it on tiredness and blurry eyes. ;)

[Farrar]

I'm not sure how I asked this was perceived as me thinking I'm a better parent than others, because that is not the case at all. I'm curious how others handle it in their own families because i have a child that is a picky eater. Just because it is my child doesn't mean I have to like it ðŸ˜

Sorry. I think I misunderstood your statement. I thought you were saying that how parents deal with picky eaters is your pet peeve, but I think now you meant having a picky eater is. Apologies... And my sympathies. I know it's hard for the parents.

[bolt.]

I have 4 basic principles:

 

1. I offer good food that is generally well-liked, in small and easily managed portions. I work hard at this.

 

2. Nobody "has to" eat anything. Ever. It's your body, and only you know when it's a good idea to eat or not eat. However, eating well is encouraged, and significant under eating means that a child probably needs rest too. I may cancel activities, or call for a quiet time.

 

3. People who aren't hungry enough for their full compliment of petite servings that make up a meal are not hungry enough to be allowed treats, desserts or snacks immediately after a meal. Unhealthy foods require a healthy 'base'.

 

4. Substitutions are available food-group-for-food-group. Each sub item is well known, and not a high-desire item... A perfectly normal food such as bread, egg, carrots, etc. The child is responsible to fetch/prepare their own sub item. Kids are also encouraged to experiment with 'helper foods' (sauces, dressings and spices) to help themselves enjoy what is served.

 

Manners are mandatory.

 

These strategies are designed to help children learn the skills of an independent young adult with taste preferences. To eat *something* or you will have no energy. To eat foods you do like, but make sure to cover your food groups. To try 'helper foods' to mask unpleasant (to you) tastes. To avoid the pitfall of eating lightly at meals and moving directly to big snacks to satisfy hunger.

 

I work to provide "strategies that will move out with them."

[elegantlion]

I'm a lifelong picky eater and the mother of a picky eater. When he was younger, the rule was he had to try what I served. Since I often accommodated my preferences, it was rarely an issue. Dinner time is supposed to be a peaceful time, so I hated the antics that prevailed if ex tried to force ds to eat a hated food. He also would sit and not eat and be fine. Now, we tend to eat what we want. We cook together. He's tried more new foods than I ever did as a kid. He has a much more defined palate and can taste the difference in different brands of the same food, whereas I have chronic allergies and have lost the nuanced sense of taste and smell. 

 

Bottom line for us is that meal time is a gathering of the family, what is served is really second to that. If he didn't like what was being served he was welcome to make something else. I did him the courtesy of letting him know ahead of time what was being served and often he'd been in the kitchen making a peanut butter sandwich if he didn't like it. 

 

I was very grateful he wasn't allergic to peanuts, he might have actually starved as a young child. ;)

[Tsuga]

I'm curious how you all handle children who are picky eaters? Do you've them other options? Make them try it or eat it anyway? Don't worry about it,etc?

 

It is a pet peeve of mine and I'd love to hear how you handle it.

 

I decide what and when, they decide whether and how much.

 

One caveat: if you haven't tried everything, at least three bites, you don't know if you are really only hungry for the one white thing that's on the table.

 

So you're going to need to eat a small serving of goulash (three bites) to get endless mashed potatoes, or a bit of salmon and salad to get bottomless bread, or a bit of lamb to get more couscous.

[MotherGoose]

My mother did many of those things. She was basically homesteading when I was little - growing all fresh food - garden and lake (fresh fish only) to table all summer. Not many sweets. Lots of whole foods from the time I was born. And guess what, she still got stuck with me, the picky eater, the difficult eater. And I am normal, thanks so much for that.

 

You want to talk "pet peeves." Here's mine: parents who take credit for things they don't deserve credit for. Like, you end up with a good eater, a kid who is done with algebra in fourth grade, a kid who heads to college at 15, a kid who rarely squabbles with his siblings, etc. etc. Guess what? It's a little parenting, a little genetics, and a little luck, and you only get to take credit for one of those three and it's rarely the biggest share.

 

I do think there are things you can do to help picky eaters. Some of them are the things in your advice. More whole foods, more simple foods. But some of your advice would have led me as a child to likely become anorexic. Or, to likely sneak and hide food routinely, which might have maybe led to obesity. Hunger was not a motivator for me as a child. I would have sat at the table and stared you down and refused to eat. And I did that several times in my youth, going for several days without any substantive food. You're lucky you didn't end up with a real picky eater.

I was simply responding to the OP question of what worked for me. I'm not saying I'm a perfect parent by any stretch of the imagination! I know there are kids with sensory or other issues. But this is what I tried my best to avoid: " what do you want to eat honey?" " chicken fingers, French fries, sodas etc." refuse to eat anything else and pitch a fit. Okay request granted. That's what I saw/ see. I believe your taste buds can be trained to a certain extent to like some things and think you dislike others. Some people have issues, I get that. But if all you are given is junk, then That's what you'll crave.

[Kerileanne99]

There are children who have sensory issues and I'm not talking about them. I'm talking about "normal" children. Mine are "normal." And I wouldn't consider them picky. This is why I think they aren't picky: no sweets at all till first birthday cake: no ice cream, no pudding, no taste of grandpas cake. Nothing. No bananas. Gave them a variety of foods, including fish, spinach, etc. and as little "baby food" as possible. Got them eating from the table as soon as it was safe. Now at 6 and 9 I have no qualms about saying "you have to finish (undesired food) before you get any more (desired food)." They have gone to bed hungry and have a gone without food all the rest of the day when they refused food that was offered. I also almost never ask "what would you like to eat?" I tell them what's going to be served. I know I'm a meanie sometimes, but morbid obesity runs in dh family, and I've also seen some of his relatives as children who only ate a couple of things....one only chicken fingers and m and ms. If I suddenly wanted to break a child of picky habits I think I would only offer a few healthy desired things and gradually expose them to more. I would eliminate things very unhealthy entirely, for the entire family. Hunger is a powerful motivator, for the normal child. Our children are not in danger of starvation, but they are in danger of becoming used to eating junk, obesity, and dying of that.

I really wish it was that easy! We did zero sugar for my picky dd5. In fact, she had 1st birthday oatmeal. She didn't have sweets until she was 2, and then very sparingly. She tried chocolate for the first time at 2.5, and to this day a portion size is a small chocolate or equivalent:) We are vegetarian and truly fed her a huge range of veggies and textures, and tried very hard to feed her the foods we were eating. She systematically refused and eliminated them.

 

There are very real reasons why children are picky eaters and making it sound like it is just a product of making sure babies are fed only nutritious veggies and foods in specific orders or not allowing sugar until their tastes are 'set' is, IMO, just another mommy war:(

[regentrude]

 

One caveat: if you haven't tried everything, at least three bites, you don't know if you are really only hungry for the one white thing that's on the table.

So you're going to need to eat a small serving of goulash (three bites) to get endless mashed potatoes, or a bit of salmon and salad to get bottomless bread, or a bit of lamb to get more couscous.

 

so what would you do with a child who refuses the entire meal because of this requirement? And the next meal. And the next?

 

[poppy]

Thanks to a thread here, I enrolled my picky / very selective eater into feeding therapy. It's been absolutely amazing.  It's opened up new foods for her and has taken all the battle out of meal times..... we give her food she likes, plus she has nightly homework ('take 4 bites of pear' for example). 

 

I don't like that we have to pay, but after six years of battles and angst, it was time. And it's been good.  Wanted to share the tip.

 

 

[bensonduck]

My picky eater didn't have sweets till well over 1. She had severe reflux as a baby that made eating hurt. She lived on melon and oyster crackers for a couple of years as a toddler because she was afraid that anything else would make her stomach hurt.

 

We did not push it. She was welcome to eat what we were having, or I'd slice up some melon. Gradually she began to try new foods. At 6 she is still fairly picky (opts for carrot sticks, pita chips and hummus in lieu of the planned dinner about every other night) but she eats meat, beans, bread, broccoli, corn, lots of stuff. I never thought we would get there with her but not making it a big deal and gently allowing her to try stuff only when she was ready worked really well for us.

 

Of course, child 2 is the most adventurous eater I have ever come across. Liverwurst? Loves it. Kimchi? Second helping please. Child 2 will steal anchovies out of the can as I prepare Caesar salad dressing. If I had him first I would have been very self congratulatory about my awesome parenting!

[Loowit]

My oldest is not too picky most of the time.  She has a few things that she doesn't care for, but overall she eats a fairly wide variety of foods.  My middle has sensory issues and has a more limited selection he will eat.  But overall what he likes is healthy.  He is also usually willing to at least try a bit of something.

 

My youngest is my challenging child.  He has ODD and OCD which combined with food allergies makes thing difficult.  He lived mostly on breastmilk for the first 3 years of his life due to allergies.  He eventually outgrew his dairy and egg allergies, but still doesn't care for either.  He used to eat veggies, but in the last year has decided he doesn't like them.  He has become much more sensory avoiding recently which I think is part of the problem.  He would live on pizza (homemade) if I let him. His doctor recommended that we tell him to eat what we serve or he can wait until the next meal.  All that did was create a boy who didn't eat.  He is extremely strong willed.  Now we have a method of trying to get him to at least try a bite.  He has a choice not to try if he wants, which makes him feel in control and gets him to actually try most of the time.  If he doesn't like it he can come up with an options that sound good to him.  It doesn't always work.  Like tonight he isn't wanting to eat dinner.  It is something he usually likes ham and cornbread, but he is refusing.  He said he would eat some pudding and ham later and that he isn't hungry right now.  Forcing the issue would only lead to a meltdown, so I have to back off and let him have that control.  I know that a lot of people think this is bad parenting, but it works for us.

 

My DH is also picky, but I think a lot of his came from his mom not being a very great cook.  He eats a lot of things I make that he wouldn't eat growing up.  Partially I think due to changing tastes as an adult, but also because he thinks mine tastes good.  His mom is pretty impressed with how many foods he will eat now.  I was not a very picky eater growing up but sometimes I really hated what was for dinner.  When I was younger my parents would force me to eat so many bites before I could leave the table.  I remember once throwing up because I couldn't stand the wax beans mom made.  I also have a strong aversion to squash and zucchini.  After that my parents started allowing me to make PB&J if I didn't care for dinner.

[Joker]

We don't fight about food here. I had an extremely picky eater who is now still picky but in other ways. She will make herself a salmon burger if we're eating something she doesn't like and that's okay. She eats zero pork and very little red meat. I have another dd who loves those two things but eats no fish. I can't please them both all the time and I refuse to force it. They both try things here and there and are both healthy and eat good fruits and veggies. One only eats raw veggies, though. We make it work. I do not care at all if one chooses to make scrambled eggs, grilled cheese, pb&j, or anything else instead of what I cooked. It's not worth the fight. They will be on their own soon enough and won't eat the things they don't like anyway.

[Tsuga]

so what would you do with a child who refuses the entire meal because of this requirement? And the next meal. And the next?

 

 

Good question. First, a clarification:

 

You mean, they won't even eat the one large serving of carbs at all? Not even that serving of what they want, the mashed potatoes or the spaghetti without anything on it?

 

In that case, both of my kids have gone to bed without dinner after dinner (three or more times in a row) at least three times in their life. "Never mind, I'm not hungry." They sit for the mealtime discussion then go to bed.

 

In other cases, they will eat the mashed potatoes/spaghetti/carb and then discuss, and then leave the table.

 

Luckily for them, we do buy semi-conventional cereal (no added sugar) and they generally will have two bowls with whole milk in the morning. Lunches are self-made sandwiches with one protein and fresh fruit or veggie which they choose.

 

In our case, probably the maximum entire dinners skipped in a row has been three. That happens maybe once every couple of months or so. Please note that we don't push this. It is TOTALLY your choice. You do not have to eat dinner. You're invited once or twice ("KIIIIIDDDDS! DINNNNNEEEERRRRRR!" from the window, then we call again). After that, we will let you know we'd like your company and to hear about your day. If you choose to put nothing on your plate, you do not get a substitute unless you'll cook for the whole family. (We never cook pork or food kids are allergic to, for dinners.) Maybe once a week, a child will eat hardly anything, or nothing at all, and just leave the table.

 

Often, some kids probably eat one servings of carbs and then just ask to be excused, maybe 40-50% of the time? My older one is picky. I think she probably leaves the table 60% of the time without even trying the other foods, though she's slowly opening up to new foods (I fed her fruits and veggies from babyhood, and exclusively breastfed). And funnily enough, she'll go on a trend. One month she loves avocados. Then she won't have them. I don't get it. The little one will eat almost anything for more pasta! And they've always been like this. I think it's their temperaments.

 

My younger daughter, and stepson, are less picky. Stepson is slimmer than stepdaughter, younger daughter is slim but not skinny like her older bio-sister.

 

The little one is strong but still slimmer than many kids her age. Stepdaughter just got boobs and hips, but is slimmer than most of her friends--she looks exactly like her mom is built. Womanly, strong.

 

So what I am seeing in this trend is that you can't make a child picky or not, you can't control a child's body type, but you can cultivate an attitude towards food as something that is a choice and that is a social activity, which is more our goal.

 

The skinniest of all is my older daughter. Like me, and also like her cousin on her dad's side, she's skinny. Muscled. Uptight. Athletic. Sensitive. Like my niece (ex-h's side). Sensory--super sensory. Skips most of the meals containing new foods. Eats endless white carbs!

 

BUT, she's not underweight and she doesn't skip the entire meal most of the time. She seems to understand that food is just food, that we need vegetables for our digestion. She's healthy and active. My younger daughter is similar. She eats way more! She isn't as skinny, because she will eat the required veggies and meat to eat her endless carbs. But she is who she is.

 

I just don't have a problem with kids skipping a meal or two. I don't think that kids with this much access to varied foods are going to starve. I've seen children eating grass, eating dirt. If you are truly starving you will eat.

 

But, there are of course extremely rare exceptions of small children with anorexia. This type of anorexia is often not connected with body dysmorphia. It's just a starvation thing and can be triggered in many ways, not all of them social. Anemia can lead to appetite loss which can lead to anorexia, for example. I don't think that's a question of parental discipline. It's just how it goes.

 

I would say that I'd probably let a child skip seven dinners, assuming she will eat during the day a bit (cereal, sandwich of choice, and MAYBE her snack of veggies and fruit) before considering therapy. I would say, if a child didn't eat for an entire three days, no eating at all, total fast, and I don't mean "nothing but milk"*, but "nothing but water", then I'd go to the doctor and get the blood workup. If there were not problems, then we'd go to a child psychologist for therapy.

 

*DD1 ate almost nothing but mother's milk until 13 months; I'm sure she could have nursed until six, like my ex-MIL's youngest. She wanted nothing but milk! She nursed for a good 80% of her calories until 20 months, when we started TTC. Even until five or six, she probably would have had nothing but cow's milk, had I let her. She's athletic and healthy and picky. Oh, well. She loves SUSHI of all things! But will be so picky about everything else. What the hell?

 

ETA: Every meal is a new meal. My partner used to hold leftovers. I don't do that. I just treat each meal as a new opportunity. So usually, they always get cornflakes if nothing else! And when they're hungry... amazingly... they eat. DSS and DD2 seem to be more hungry all the time. DSD1 and DD1 are not, but are pickier. Maybe it's a first kid thing? No idea. Honestly I don't care. We provide healthy food, they eat what they can from it, and they have plenty of opportunities to buy their own junk if they want to!

 

EATA: We don't battle. Here is food. Eat it or not. End of story. It is so beautifully simple. If a child has an eating disorder that will show up in a pattern and we will treat it like a medical problem. We're not going to host a dietary debate club every dinner, though. Sometimes even the grownups don't like it and we are hungrier than usual the next morning. It is really not the end of the world!

[fraidycat]

I used to battle. I don't anymore. I have parameters, but my picky (it's mostly a texture thing) can eat whatever within those parameters. He eats a broad enough diet that we can substitute healthily. Protein replaces protein, veggie replaces veggie, etc. He can't choose sugar and junk over healthy food. He doesn't like eggs, so gets meat instead. Doesn't like asparagus so gets broccoli. Etc.

[abacus2]

There are children who have sensory issues and I'm not talking about them. I'm talking about "normal" children. Mine are "normal." And I wouldn't consider them picky. This is why I think they aren't picky: no sweets at all till first birthday cake: no ice cream, no pudding, no taste of grandpas cake. Nothing. No bananas. Gave them a variety of foods, including fish, spinach, etc. and as little "baby food" as possible. Got them eating from the table as soon as it was safe. Now at 6 and 9 I have no qualms about saying "you have to finish (undesired food) before you get any more (desired food)." They have gone to bed hungry and have a gone without food all the rest of the day when they refused food that was offered. I also almost never ask "what would you like to eat?" I tell them what's going to be served. I know I'm a meanie sometimes, but morbid obesity runs in dh family, and I've also seen some of his relatives as children who only ate a couple of things....one only chicken fingers and m and ms. If I suddenly wanted to break a child of picky habits I think I would only offer a few healthy desired things and gradually expose them to more. I would eliminate things very unhealthy entirely, for the entire family. Hunger is a powerful motivator, for the normal child. Our children are not in danger of starvation, but they are in danger of becoming used to eating junk, obesity, and dying of that.

 

I was a picky eater of the traditional only likes kid foods variety. My mother fed me no sugar until age 2. Completely ineffective against avoiding a sweet tooth (her goal) or general pickiness.

 

My picky eater is different. She is picky about everything, even sweets and junk food. Chocolate ice cream is her favorite thing; but only specific brands, she would rather have nothing than a serving of non-preferred brand chocolate ice cream. She likes more vegetables than she does fruits or meats. She loves salsa. She doesn't like Kool-aid, Gatorade, other fruit drink variations, or any kind of carbonated drink. She wouldn't eat any kind of meat until she was 5. She is now mature enough at age 11 to be willing to try things. I estimate she literally gags on 80% of the things she tries.

 

I strongly intend to not make food a battle in my home. I remember clearly the day my mother told me I was no longer going to be forced to eat things I hate, rather she would be teaching me to be polite while being picky. Such relief! All of that forced food had only served to make me miserable. I now have a much expanded palette; in fact I like several foods that I have discovered weren't served in my home growing up because my parents don't like them.

[MrsWeasley]

I think it's complex. When my oldest was little, it was important to me that she liked my food and slowly, the number of foods she liked dwindled to just a few foods commonly loved by kids. Eventually, I grew very frustrated and decided that I would make sure there was a side she liked at every meal, but that I was going to eat something other than hotdogs, pasta, and pizza. Slowly, she got tired of eating baby carrots and the number of foods she would willingly eat expanded. I hear a lot of, "Well, it's not my favorite food, but it's okay," and I spend a lot of time talking about how not everything I make is my favorite food but that it's important to try new things, have a diverse diet, to eat things other people in the family like. If the food I make is really bad (and sometimes that happens), the kids are welcome to eat leftovers. 

[debi21]

Does anyone have any tips on getting a child (in my case a 3 year old) to try the one bite? I would be so much happier if he would try the bite - then I could at least have the hopes that after trying it 15 times or whatever, he would like it. Mine refuses it and I can't get him to reconsider.

 

Mine basically started refusing meat at 1. It's been two years, and it's still essentially no meat. He will eat (frequently but not every time) bologna and chicken nuggets. Ugh. Once in a blue moon (once every other month), he will eat other kinds of meat and I'll think 'yay' but then he'll refuse them the next time - this happened with a spiral ham, with a beef stew, with a salmon patty, etc. He loves sweets - and often the first thing out of his mouth in the morning is 'can I have a treat?' Oddly, he turns down many carbs - including potatoes, sweet potatoes, some kinds of rice, some bread and bagels. He likes oatmeal, popcorn, pasta and bread when it's a PB&J. He does eat a range of raw fruits and vegetables and some cooked vegetables. But if it's been too long since he's had them - he refuses them again. He has been refusing mango and kiwi, for example, though he's eaten and liked them in the past and I wish I could get him to try just one bite. I am glad that mine eats what he does in terms of fruits and veggies, along with plain yogurt, cheese, nuts, and olives although he's been turning down eggs lately too.

 

My rule in order to encourage the kids to eat enough at dinner is that afterwards when they whine at bedtime that they are hungry, they are allowed cheese sticks (which I buy in bulk from Costco) and water. I like this rule because I don't feel guilty that they don't go to bed starving if they are really hungry, the cheese sticks provide more fat and protein and not sugars or white carbs, and the monotony and not-great-taste of the cheese sticks means they are not rewarded for not eating (enough) dinner. On the other hand, some nights my kids might eat 3-4 cheese sticks at bedtime each, and most nights it is at least 1-2.

 

 

[Tsuga]

Does anyone have any tips on getting a child (in my case a 3 year old) to try the one bite? I would be so much happier if he would try the bite - then I could at least have the hopes that after trying it 15 times or whatever, he would like it. Mine refuses it and I can't get him to reconsider.

 

Mine basically started refusing meat at 1. It's been two years, and it's still essentially no meat. He will eat (frequently but not every time) bologna and chicken nuggets. Ugh. Once in a blue moon (once every other month), he will eat other kinds of meat and I'll think 'yay' but then he'll refuse them the next time - this happened with a spiral ham, with a beef stew, with a salmon patty, etc. He loves sweets - and often the first thing out of his mouth in the morning is 'can I have a treat?' Oddly, he turns down many carbs - including potatoes, sweet potatoes, some kinds of rice, some bread and bagels. He likes oatmeal, popcorn, pasta and bread when it's a PB&J. He does eat a range of raw fruits and vegetables and some cooked vegetables. But if it's been too long since he's had them - he refuses them again. He has been refusing mango and kiwi, for example, though he's eaten and liked them in the past and I wish I could get him to try just one bite. I am glad that mine eats what he does in terms of fruits and veggies, along with plain yogurt, cheese, nuts, and olives although he's been turning down eggs lately too.

 

My rule in order to encourage the kids to eat enough at dinner is that afterwards when they whine at bedtime that they are hungry, they are allowed cheese sticks (which I buy in bulk from Costco) and water. I like this rule because I don't feel guilty that they don't go to bed starving if they are really hungry, the cheese sticks provide more fat and protein and not sugars or white carbs, and the monotony and not-great-taste of the cheese sticks means they are not rewarded for not eating (enough) dinner. On the other hand, some nights my kids might eat 3-4 cheese sticks at bedtime each, and most nights it is at least 1-2.

 

I think it's normal for small children to refuse meat and we don't force our children to try anything. Neither of mine ate much meat until 4-5 and even now they only want it intermittently. I assume this is normal.

 

I don't think humans need a ton of meat so if the child doesn't want it, I don't see a problem.

 

We limit sweets as much as possible.

 

"some nights my kids might eat 3-4 cheese sticks at bedtime each, and most nights it is at least 1-2."

 

That's more than enough protein for the day, and even for the week. No wonder they don't need meat.

 

If you prefer, let them get meat from cheese sticks.

 

If you are unhappy with that choice, then don't let them have cheese sticks.

 

I don't think that it is realistic to give them unlimited dairy (not a sweet but tastier to them than meat) and expect them to want to take a taste/texture risk for meat. They're going to eat the familiar whenever possible. Most people do.

 

That said I am not saying unlimited cheese sticks is a bad choice. I just think it's not compatible with their little brains going, "Wow, this meat is really what I've been missing! I can't believe I've been turning down all this protein!" With all that dairy that is not going to happen. Which is fine. Plenty of people around the world are vegetarians.

[SereneHome]

I don't make food a "thing". 

 

I do brainwash them about nutrition.   A lot!

 

I don't tie desert to finishing or not finishing a meal.   I made sure (and yes, Farrar, I take credit for that :laugh: ) that they don't associate "desert" with sweets.  90% of the time desert is fruit. 

 

I do ask them to try things but I don't force it.  There is no 3-bites rule.  I do make it again after some time to see if they would try it.  A good example is sweet potatoes.  My oldest ate them all the time as a baby.  He hadn't touched them since then.  I have no idea why.  So, if I am baking sweet potatoes, I'll throw a white one in for him.  All while reminding him how much healthier sweet potatoes are.

 

The phrase "too much of anything is not good for you" heard in my house constantly.  As well as "make sure you drink lots of water as I have no time taking you to the hospital".

 

But overall, I do agree with Farrar - I think it was just luck that 2 of my kids are fairly easy going about food and the third is not that terrible either.  Although, he does have his "moments"

 

[poppy]

Good question. First, a clarification:

 

You mean, they won't even eat the one large serving of carbs at all? Not even that serving of what they want, the mashed potatoes or the spaghetti without anything on it?

 

In that case, both of my kids have gone to bed without dinner after dinner (three or more times in a row) at least three times in their life. "Never mind, I'm not hungry." They sit for the mealtime discussion then go to bed.

 

In other cases, they will eat the mashed potatoes/spaghetti/carb and then discuss, and then leave the table.

 

Luckily for them, we do buy semi-conventional cereal (no added sugar) and they generally will have two bowls with whole milk in the morning. Lunches are self-made sandwiches with one protein and fresh fruit or veggie which they choose.

 

In our case, probably the maximum entire dinners skipped in a row has been three. That happens maybe once every couple of months or so. Please note that we don't push this. It is TOTALLY your choice. You do not have to eat dinner. You're invited once or twice ("KIIIIIDDDDS! DINNNNNEEEERRRRRR!" from the window, then we call again). After that, we will let you know we'd like your company and to hear about your day. If you choose to put nothing on your plate, you do not get a substitute unless you'll cook for the whole family. (We never cook pork or food kids are allergic to, for dinners.) Maybe once a week, a child will eat hardly anything, or nothing at all, and just leave the table.

 

Often, some kids probably eat one servings of carbs and then just ask to be excused, maybe 40-50% of the time? My older one is picky. I think she probably leaves the table 60% of the time without even trying the other foods, though she's slowly opening up to new foods (I fed her fruits and veggies from babyhood, and exclusively breastfed). And funnily enough, she'll go on a trend. One month she loves avocados. Then she won't have them. I don't get it. The little one will eat almost anything for more pasta! And they've always been like this. I think it's their temperaments.

 

My younger daughter, and stepson, are less picky. Stepson is slimmer than stepdaughter, younger daughter is slim but not skinny like her older bio-sister.

 

The little one is strong but still slimmer than many kids her age. Stepdaughter just got boobs and hips, but is slimmer than most of her friends--she looks exactly like her mom is built. Womanly, strong.

 

So what I am seeing in this trend is that you can't make a child picky or not, you can't control a child's body type, but you can cultivate an attitude towards food as something that is a choice and that is a social activity, which is more our goal.

 

The skinniest of all is my older daughter. Like me, and also like her cousin on her dad's side, she's skinny. Muscled. Uptight. Athletic. Sensitive. Like my niece (ex-h's side). Sensory--super sensory. Skips most of the meals containing new foods. Eats endless white carbs!

 

BUT, she's not underweight and she doesn't skip the entire meal most of the time. She seems to understand that food is just food, that we need vegetables for our digestion. She's healthy and active. My younger daughter is similar. She eats way more! She isn't as skinny, because she will eat the required veggies and meat to eat her endless carbs. But she is who she is.

 

I just don't have a problem with kids skipping a meal or two. I don't think that kids with this much access to varied foods are going to starve. I've seen children eating grass, eating dirt. If you are truly starving you will eat.

 

But, there are of course extremely rare exceptions of small children with anorexia. This type of anorexia is often not connected with body dysmorphia. It's just a starvation thing and can be triggered in many ways, not all of them social. Anemia can lead to appetite loss which can lead to anorexia, for example. I don't think that's a question of parental discipline. It's just how it goes.

 

I would say that I'd probably let a child skip seven dinners, assuming she will eat during the day a bit (cereal, sandwich of choice, and MAYBE her snack of veggies and fruit) before considering therapy. I would say, if a child didn't eat for an entire three days, no eating at all, total fast, and I don't mean "nothing but milk"*, but "nothing but water", then I'd go to the doctor and get the blood workup. If there were not problems, then we'd go to a child psychologist for therapy.

 

*DD1 ate almost nothing but mother's milk until 13 months; I'm sure she could have nursed until six, like my ex-MIL's youngest. She wanted nothing but milk! She nursed for a good 80% of her calories until 20 months, when we started TTC. Even until five or six, she probably would have had nothing but cow's milk, had I let her. She's athletic and healthy and picky. Oh, well. She loves SUSHI of all things! But will be so picky about everything else. What the hell?

 

ETA: Every meal is a new meal. My partner used to hold leftovers. I don't do that. I just treat each meal as a new opportunity. So usually, they always get cornflakes if nothing else! And when they're hungry... amazingly... they eat. DSS and DD2 seem to be more hungry all the time. DSD1 and DD1 are not, but are pickier. Maybe it's a first kid thing? No idea. Honestly I don't care. We provide healthy food, they eat what they can from it, and they have plenty of opportunities to buy their own junk if they want to!

 

EATA: We don't battle. Here is food. Eat it or not. End of story. It is so beautifully simple. If a child has an eating disorder that will show up in a pattern and we will treat it like a medical problem. We're not going to host a dietary debate club every dinner, though. Sometimes even the grownups don't like it and we are hungrier than usual the next morning. It is really not the end of the world!

Didn't you say you have a three bite rule, must eat 3 bites of everything? "Do what I say or don't eat" is a battle. You just have all the power. Maybe I misunderstood.

[Tanaqui]

Does anyone have any tips on getting a child (in my case a 3 year old) to try the one bite? I would be so much happier if he would try the bite - then I could at least have the hopes that after trying it 15 times or whatever, he would like it. Mine refuses it and I can't get him to reconsider.

 

If he takes a bite, is he allowed to spit it out? Being allowed to simply sniff or lick his "bites" might be enough for now, with the goal of segueing into "take a bite but you can spit it out" after he's used to that.

 

Seriously though, I want to be clear on this, because I realize I wasn't earlier: If your child is eating fewer than 15 - 20 distinct foods (20 different types of peanut butter won't cut it), or if their limited diet is causing severe impacts in their ability to socialize, learn, or grow, then it is time to seek a referral to an occupational therapist or a speech-language pathologist who specializes in feeding issues.

 

A lot of people are vaguely aware that this is an option for "kids with serious problems" but don't realize that their kid IS a kid with "serious problems", and it causes unnecessary strife and anxiety for all involved. I know, I know, I'm a broken record, and I don't mean to assume that anybody here has a kid who is more picky than is normal, but conversations on this subject over time have convinced me that this is a message that needs frequent repetition.

 

[eternalsummer]

Didn't you say you have a three bite rule, must eat 3 bites of everything? "Do what I say or don't eat" is a battle. You just have all the power. Maybe I misunderstood.

she said they have to eat three bites before they get a second helping of the white carbohydrate

[mumto2]

Our whole family would be considered picky by most. The two things I still refuse to eat are considered common condiments. This means I am always a special order at fast food places. :lol: I blame this mainly on my former sister in law who spent a great deal of time trying to trick me into eating them as a child. My stomach truly rolls if I smell them so my kids and husband skip them also, rather happily.

 

I always have alternatives if I am knowingly making a meal someone dislikes, it might be peanut butter sandwich but I have something and offer it.

 

For new foods Dh and I have always been really honest. Since you like or dislike this similar food you should try or not this. They decide.....We have never tricked them.

 

We belong to Costco and take them at sample times, very hungry. They try all sorts of things and like them when hungry. This has been my best way of expanding their diets. We frequently leave with things we never imagined anyone ever eating. ;)

 

ETA....just read a few of the responses. On the subject of peanut butter sandwiches, my rather elderly peditrician told me a this info when the dc's were little and eating a lot of peanut butter sandwiches....during the 40 odd years he had been a doctor he had had three little boys who had eaten peanut butter sandwiches exclusively for years, all three were normal size, in good health, and had PhD's in a scientific area in adulthood. He had no problems with lot of peanut butter!

[HomeAgain]

 

EATA: We don't battle. Here is food. Eat it or not. End of story. It is so beautifully simple. If a child has an eating disorder that will show up in a pattern and we will treat it like a medical problem. We're not going to host a dietary debate club every dinner, though. Sometimes even the grownups don't like it and we are hungrier than usual the next morning. It is really not the end of the world!

 

This is a bit how we approach it, but I have small kids that I watch and I know how hard it is to have one thing at home, but have it be slightly different somewhere else.  Every new food that is put on the plate is done in several ways before it is abandoned for good.  Carrots are steamed, julienned, pureed, candied, or herbed.  Corn is served as masa, cornbread, on the cob, mixed in the dish.  We talk about it all at the table and compare it to what we have had before. 

 

I also cut out snacks.  Preschoolers don't need to eat every 1.5 hours.  They just don't. The kid that knows a sugary granola bar is coming won't eat something they're not sure if they like.  The child who is hungry, will. 

 

I started with a group that would send back plates because one only liked apples pureed, one only liked them cut, and so forth, having the same various responses to every meal, to kids who will try a lot more than they did.  One doesn't like mozzerrella still.  Fine.  I know that when I put the plate down and make sure there's a second dairy option.  Blueberries are mixed with strawberries or raspberries since one kid is still unsure about eating those. For the most part they've all come a long way, though. 

 

[Bluegoat]

Does anyone have any tips on getting a child (in my case a 3 year old) to try the one bite? I would be so much happier if he would try the bite - then I could at least have the hopes that after trying it 15 times or whatever, he would like it. Mine refuses it and I can't get him to reconsider.

 

Mine basically started refusing meat at 1. It's been two years, and it's still essentially no meat. He will eat (frequently but not every time) bologna and chicken nuggets. Ugh. Once in a blue moon (once every other month), he will eat other kinds of meat and I'll think 'yay' but then he'll refuse them the next time - this happened with a spiral ham, with a beef stew, with a salmon patty, etc. He loves sweets - and often the first thing out of his mouth in the morning is 'can I have a treat?' Oddly, he turns down many carbs - including potatoes, sweet potatoes, some kinds of rice, some bread and bagels. He likes oatmeal, popcorn, pasta and bread when it's a PB&J. He does eat a range of raw fruits and vegetables and some cooked vegetables. But if it's been too long since he's had them - he refuses them again. He has been refusing mango and kiwi, for example, though he's eaten and liked them in the past and I wish I could get him to try just one bite. I am glad that mine eats what he does in terms of fruits and veggies, along with plain yogurt, cheese, nuts, and olives although he's been turning down eggs lately too.

 

My rule in order to encourage the kids to eat enough at dinner is that afterwards when they whine at bedtime that they are hungry, they are allowed cheese sticks (which I buy in bulk from Costco) and water. I like this rule because I don't feel guilty that they don't go to bed starving if they are really hungry, the cheese sticks provide more fat and protein and not sugars or white carbs, and the monotony and not-great-taste of the cheese sticks means they are not rewarded for not eating (enough) dinner. On the other hand, some nights my kids might eat 3-4 cheese sticks at bedtime each, and most nights it is at least 1-2.

 

I'd try waiting a year for the one bite thing.  Three year olds are terribly truculent.  But other than that what he is eating sounds fine really. 

 

 

[Ellie]

I'm curious how you all handle children who are picky eaters? Do you've them other options? Make them try it or eat it anyway? Don't worry about it,etc?

 

It is a pet peeve of mine and I'd love to hear how you handle it.

 

"Here's your food. Eat it or don't."

 

Rule #1: No complaining about what is served.

Rule #2: Only the food that is served may be eaten--no getting up from the table and making your own.

 

I tried to make sure that I was not serving food that really was gross, lol. If dc seriously disliked something, I looked for something else to prepare instead; or if it was something the rest of us liked, I tried to make sure that there was *something* on the table that the lone dissenter would eat.

[Junie]

Our main food rule is this:  Eat it, or don't eat it.  But don't complain.

 

When I pass out food, I ask each child what size portion they would like of each food:  small, large, or sample.  None is not an option.

 

 

Ds14 has some picky tendencies, partially related to food allergies causing a fear of new foods when he was very young.  He refused to eat many common foods (such as pasta).  I told him that if he would try the sample, he would get extra screen time.  It worked!!  We started with one bite -- literally one noodle or one miniscule bite of fruit.  As he was able to do this consistently, I have slowly upped the portion sizes required to earn the extra screen time.  He now eats a small portion of noodles and some fruit.

[Valley Girl]

I have a very strong willed child who has always been a picky eater. At some point, it was clear that all attempts to encourage, coax, or enforce varied eating were doomed to failure - or would at least have made mealtime a thoroughly unpleasant experience and constant battle. I find it very important that mealtimes are pleasant family times and not occasions for fights.

I know my son's personality well enough to be sure he would have fought me to the point of near starvation. (I am not exaggerating: this is the kid who, at age 5, refused food for 3 days because he did not like the taste of the toothpaste and had decided that he would not need to brush teeth if he stopped eating. So yes, I knew what I was dealing with.)

 

I have chosen to accept the fact that my DS does not eat any vegetables. For years, his dietary repertoire was extremely limited: pasta could not have sauce on it, rice could not touch the meat, etc. Eating out was almost impossible.

I simply made sure he ate plenty of the fruits he liked. When I cooked meals, I made sure that there was one component he would eat - which meant, I only cooked modular meals: starch, veggies, proteins all separately. No casseroles or soups for the longest time.

 

Over the years, he has gradually expanded his repertoire of acceptable foods; he will now eat sauces, can simply move a vegetable to the side without refusing the entire dish, is willing to try more. He is extremely healthy and strong, never sick, eats copious amounts of fruit, and pays attention to his diet because he is an athlete.

I believe that, for our family, letting him be was the correct choice.

 

I have never been able to hide veggies in sauces like some parenting advice suggests - my kid is not stupid enough to be fooled like this; he tastes the hidden veggie. I also do not believe in force feeding children.

 

Your story is encouraging to me. I have this kind of eater and get very frustrated when advised to "just" hide carrots in the meatsauce or "make" him try two bites of something. It doesn't work. We encourage healthy eating and make good food available. I've shared my concerns with the pediatrician several times. But I fear making food a control issue with my DS. He's growing, he takes a multivitamin, and I try to get as much nutrition into what he eats as I can. You've given me hope that our approach may turn out OK.

 

 

[LucyStoner]

No child on the earth is measurably more picky than my older son was from ages 3-very recently.

 

We decided years ago to not make eating a big deal. I read Ellyn Satter's books and took her message to heart. Our job to offer food, his job to eat what he wanted. He largely had autonomy over what went in his mouth. We'd make sure to serve up one thing we knew he could eat as part of a full meal that appealed to the whole family. No bribes or making dessert a reward. I spent years serving a more plain version of whatever I was actually fixing and packing snacks for him if we weren't near a limited number of "out food" options that were safe for him. He wouldn't even eat most kid foods like mac and cheese or pizza.

 

At times we doubted if we'd made the right choices. At times we flirted with the various standard advice - try three bites, no back up plan, just eat the damn food kid. We had a kid who could live off bread and cheese and apples and carrots. But we mostly stayed with the hands off approach. And he ate a lot of apples and carrots.

 

Less than a month ago, a switch flipped or something. He asked about eating more healthy foods (vegetables). I gave him money to pick out some things he wanted to try. Everything he picked that first day is stuff we eat a fair bit (broccoli, kale, bok choy) and I let him go through a couple of cookbooks for recipes he wanted to try. He said to me "I can eat something even if it is not my favorite" and "Trying something won't kill me." These are lessons he did not fathom before. The anxiety and sensory stuff behind his food issues were real. He hasn't loved everything but in the last several weeks he's tried many things and has found some new faves. He likes some salads now. He will eat a sandwich or hamburger with lettuce and even some tomato now. We've made a lot of kale and broccoli and more importantly he will eat them. I truly think that there was no getting him earlier than he arrived on his own and that if we'd forced the issue, we could have ended up with a larger problem on our hands than a picky kid. He made the neurological leap when he made the neurological leap. His motivation was the environmental group he is in and (though he'd never admit this), I think the girl he has a crush on is a big veggie eater and commented on his plain lunches at the homeschool center. My son turns 12 in 2 days.

[KrissiK]

No other options. I don't make weird or different food. My picky eater has to take some of everything. If he doesn't like something, or the meal is not up to his standards, well, there's always another meal in several hours. Or he can choose a healthy snack a couple hours later during snack time.