Sarah CB Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 And she said I could use her story as a warning to my own children that these things do happen... Apparently they had planned a family trip to Disney World. This would be a Big Deal, not just because it was their first time going to Disney, but also because we live where the weather is often offensive. Anyway, the kids were not behaving very well in the weeks leading up to the trip (her youngest is 6, I think, so think kids under 10) so she cancelled the Disney trip, left the kids home with dh, and went to Jamaica BY HERSELF! I am equally enthralled with the idea and repelled by it. 18 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 And she said I could use her story as a warning to my own children that these things do happen... Apparently they had planned a family trip to Disney World. This would be a Big Deal, not just because it was their first time going to Disney, but also because we live where the weather is often offensive. Anyway, the kids were not behaving very well in the weeks leading up to the trip (her youngest is 6, I think, so think kids under 10) so she cancelled the Disney trip, left the kids home with dh, and went to Jamaica BY HERSELF! I am equally enthralled with the idea and repelled by it. I'm only just repelled. 37 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mergath Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 Wow. I can't imagine what kids that age could do to deserve that. :( 28 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 I'm repelled. 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AHASRADA Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 She sounds extremely selfish. I can guarantee her kids will learn a lot of lessons from her actions, some possibly requiring therapy at some point, none of which are related to behavior and natural consequences. 14 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2bee Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 I'm not repelled by just these facts as presented. Too much background info is missing. Why go to Disney or any other expensive travel destination if you're not going to be able to enjoy it? 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TCB Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 I'd never do it, but talk about following through! I bet her kids will never doubt she means what she says again. Not much grace in the relationship, it would seem. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 Whoa. Repelled. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.Michelle. Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 I can't imagine that this helped anything. 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happypamama Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 I'm kind of impressed that she actually took a stand and stuck to it. But I'm very repelled that she took away a trip to Disney. That seems a bit over the top harsh to me. Taking away a fun outing? Okay, sure. But Disney? I can't imagine what serious trouble children would have to cause in order to miss Disney AND to have Mom go on a trip by herself. (Not to mention that I can't imagine it would be much fun to go on a trip without my DH, if not the kids too.) 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hornblower Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 That's horrible.I hope she invests in counseling for the whole family, & esp for mom to learn better parenting techniques. 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 My kids and I travel a lot. I am not one to make threats I don't mean. There have been times when I had an impulse to day "if __ I'm not going to take you to __." But I stop myself because I know I won't follow through. I think the worst thing I ever took away (so far) was attendance at a scout meeting. And I think I was more bummed than they were. I don't know enough to be repelled, but yeah, that lady sounds unusual. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 I'm not repelled by just these facts as presented. Too much background info is missing. Why go to Disney or any other expensive travel destination if you're not going to be able to enjoy it? I wonder if she didn't want to go in the first place and she found an excuse. 18 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hkpiano Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 Yikes! What did the husband do to merit that?! 20 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 Ummm....unless they burned the neighbor's house down with malice aforethought, or slaughtered somebody's pet with intent to kill, or.... Goodness. And her DH was cool with this? 'Cause mine wouldn't be. Especially with little kids. We aren't talking seniors in High School. This was a milestone family trip. This should have been a really cool moment for all of them, with memories to last a lifetime. A time to bond.. But maybe we are missing critical pieces of information. I sure hope so. Yeah, they will probably never doubt her again. Just wonder what their relationship will be like as the years wear on, though. I don't think this was sending a message of love, grace, understanding and the value of working as a family to solve an issue. Nope. Just not seeing it. But I guess that wasn't the message she was trying to convey, anyway. And I agree with Sparkly, maybe she didn't want the trip with her family in the first place. Now she has the money for a vacation for herself and she doesn't have to deal with the family vacation to Disney. 15 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 Oh yeah, I remember my parents didn't let my brother go on the class trip to Washington DC because of poor choices. He had been duly warned, but I don't think he believed they meant it. I was surprised myself but kind of impressed too. He was on a bad spiral. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 Unless she originally set up the trip as an incentive for behavior changes, and the kids decided not to earn it? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reign Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 Wow! What a nutter!!! I mean who would go to Jamaica when they could be at Disney World. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KrissiK Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 Not right! Not right at all! Her kids will probably lose all respect for her. That's not discipline - that's a power trip. "I giveth, I taketh away!" 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinder Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 Oh my, that's sad. I mean, those kids were probably having trouble containing themselves because they were so excited about the upcoming Disney trip. I think that mom was just being selfish and immature. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sarah CB Posted April 26, 2015 Author Share Posted April 26, 2015 Yikes! What did the husband do to merit that?! I think my dh would have cancelled my return ticket if that had been me. 23 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DesertBlossom Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 I think more information is needed. What had the kids done? If we're talking about not picking up their rooms or getting homework done, then the consequence sounds pretty harsh. But I'm sure there is behavior that is worthy of cancelling a trip over. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sarah CB Posted April 26, 2015 Author Share Posted April 26, 2015 I'm kind of impressed that she actually took a stand and stuck to it. But I'm very repelled that she took away a trip to Disney. That seems a bit over the top harsh to me. Taking away a fun outing? Okay, sure. But Disney? I can't imagine what serious trouble children would have to cause in order to miss Disney AND to have Mom go on a trip by herself. (Not to mention that I can't imagine it would be much fun to go on a trip without my DH, if not the kids too.) I think that's why I was enthralled. I'm absolutely horrible at taking a stand. And the kids know it, which makes it even worse. I always feel bad for them so I give them back whatever was taken away. I want them to want to be cooperative and helpful and kind for the sake of being cooperative and helpful and kind, not because they want their iPads back. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sarah CB Posted April 26, 2015 Author Share Posted April 26, 2015 I think more information is needed. What had the kids done? If we're talking about not picking up their rooms or getting homework done, then the consequence sounds pretty harsh. But I'm sure there is behavior that is worthy of cancelling a trip over. She just said that the behaviour was not trip worthy. I'm not sure what was going on. Apparently they've planned it again for September and the kids have been very good... This was my first time meeting this mom so I have absolutely nothing to add besides what she told me. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 What could a neuro- typical 6 year old do that is so awful? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 While I'm impressed that she followed through, I think the kids were way too young to make that kind of threat/decision -- unless of course her name was The Great Santini :huh: Maybe not the world's worst mom - but not cool in my book. But, I see way too many parents making threats that they never seem to follow through... I think a childhood of "i can do whatever I want an mom won't punish me" is just as bad for a kid. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 I'm glad she wasn't my mom. What a horrible woman. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KrissiK Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 I think that's why I was enthralled. I'm absolutely horrible at taking a stand. And the kids know it, which makes it even worse. I always feel bad for them so I give them back whatever was taken away.That's me! But I am learning to never issue any punishments or threats in the heat of the moment. I'm trying very hard to say, "there will be consequences" and then go think about it for a while. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 Wouldn't use that story because I'm not the least bit enthralled; only appalled. Sorry. Not into using "once-in-a-life-time" gigs as punishment. Sounds like she just wanted to go away by herself. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 Here is my thing...maybe kids can act that badly. In which case it is MY fault as the parent for not teaching them better. I certainly don't deserve a vacation to Jamaica if I have done such a bad job with the kids that they had a family trip taken away. If they are that awful I should stay home and work on my parenting. 48 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Butter Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 I wonder if she didn't want to go in the first place and she found an excuse. Yes, I wonder that, too. I am just left thinking she is complete jerk and I'm interpreting her telling you to share with your kids that these things do happen that she is proud of herself. I always strive to mean what I say when I give a consequence for an action (if you x, then I'll y). I don't give consequences I am not willing to follow through on. Taking away a trip to Disney World is rather extreme. I can't imagine what horrible things her small children were doing to make her think taking away a Disney trip is a good consequence for their actions (unless, of course she threatened to cancel because she didn't want to go in the first place). The fact that she then left the kids with her husband and went to Jamaica alone makes me think she's incredibly selfish. I'd be pretty angry if I were her husband. Repelled. I'm totally and completely repelled. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corraleno Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 I wonder if she didn't want to go in the first place and she found an excuse. :iagree: Cancelllng the Disney trip is really mean, but the fact that she had an alternative plan in the works, just for her, seems suspicious. When I was in elementary school, all the classes would put on a play in June. It was a really big deal and all the kids looked forward to it. My 2nd grade teacher was a nasty old bag who was just counting the days to retirement, and when we asked about our play she just kept saying that she was working on it and it would be great. Weeks past and the other classes were starting to practice their performances and we still had no clue about our play. Then one day someone was whispering in class and she slammed her book down, said we were a bunch of hooligans, and that she was canceling the play because of our bad behavior. Picture a room full of sobbing 7 year olds. When the big performance day arrived, we sat glumly in the audience watching all the other classes. I later found out that she pulled the same trick every year — she couldn't be bothered to put on a play so she always found an excuse to "punish" the class at the last minute. :mad: 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sarah CB Posted April 26, 2015 Author Share Posted April 26, 2015 Wouldn't use that story because I'm not the least bit enthralled; only appalled. Sorry. Not into using "once-in-a-life-time" gigs as punishment. Sounds like she just wanted to go away by herself. I wouldn't bother using the story with my kids because they know I'd never do anything like that. And I'm definitely not enthralled by the punishment, more by the idea that there is someone out there who would follow through on something as extreme as that when I can barely follow through with a "no dessert after dinner" punishment. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Lulu* Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 I'm glad she wasn't my mom. What a horrible woman. That was my gut reaction upon reading the OP. My children would have been crushed. But Disney is a once a decade kind of trip for our family. We have friends who travel frequently and have been to WDW about once a year or so, I can see it feeling different to cancel a trip when the kids know it is not the only chance they have of going. The only thing I can think of that might make it less appalling to me is if, for this family, it is the equivalent of canceling a trip to the children's musuem that we visit frequently. Still..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momacacia Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 I wouldn't to have to go to Jamaica. You'd have to entice me with a better destination. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sarah CB Posted April 26, 2015 Author Share Posted April 26, 2015 While I'm impressed that she followed through, I think the kids were way too young to make that kind of threat/decision -- unless of course her name was The Great Santini :huh: Maybe not the world's worst mom - but not cool in my book. But, I see way too many parents making threats that they never seem to follow through... I think a childhood of "i can do whatever I want an mom won't punish me" is just as bad for a kid. I am one of the way too many who don't follow through. Not never, I do follow through to an extent. And I am learning to put very clear rules in place with very clear consequences - like the kids' devices get plugged in at a certain time at night and if they're not on the chargers at that time then they lose their devices for 24 hours. I'm getting pretty good at following through on that one and the kids know it, which, I guess, is why their devices are plugged in on time every night. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BusyMom5 Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 I am upset that she then took the $$ and went on a vacation by herself- that is selfish. PUtting off a family trip, or issuing other consequnces would be fine- but not cancelling a family trip to go off by yourself! THe purpose of a family vacation is to spend time making memories as a FAMILY- maybe take the kids somewhere mom and dad wanted to go instead- I just do NOT get cancelling the entire thing to go somewhere by myself. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 She just said that the behaviour was not trip worthy. I'm not sure what was going on. Apparently they've planned it again for September and the kids have been very good... This was my first time meeting this mom so I have absolutely nothing to add besides what she told me. OK, I could understand postponing a trip if the kids had been really bad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 That's one of those stories one can easily imagine being related on a therapy couch twenty years from now. Makes me think of, "Well, the damn dog was barking his head off and none of the kids were training him like they promised. So, I shot him." 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 I hope she's not religious. Christianity in particular will be a hard sell for those kids, if the childhood lesson they are learning is, "Be perfect and earn your way to my conditional approval and the possibility of wonderful fairyland destinations, bearing in mind I can snatch away acceptance and/or heaven arbitrarily at any time if you fail to please me." Religious parents have been known to do this but they end up with kids who either reject their faith entirely or become even more legalistic and mean than themselves. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hkpiano Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 :iagree: Cancelllng the Disney trip is really mean, but the fact that she had an alternative plan in the works, just for her, seems suspicious. When I was in elementary school, all the classes would put on a play in June. It was a really big deal and all the kids looked forward to it. My 2nd grade teacher was a nasty old bag who was just counting the days to retirement, and when we asked about our play she just kept saying that she was working on it and it would be great. Weeks past and the other classes were starting to practice their performances and we still had no clue about our play. Then one day someone was whispering in class and she slammed her book down, said we were a bunch of hooligans, and that she was canceling the play because of our bad behavior. Picture a room full of sobbing 7 year olds. When the big performance day arrived, we sat glumly in the audience watching all the other classes. I later found out that she pulled the same trick every year — she couldn't be bothered to put on a play so she always found an excuse to "punish" the class at the last minute. :mad: Oh my gosh, how awful!!!! 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EKS Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 You know what? I almost did something similar several years ago, and I am *so glad* I didn't because now my boy is all grown up, and we have a great memory of an amazing trip together. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementine Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 She punished her husband too ? Plus, I wouldn't even be able to enjoy a trip that was scheduled because of taking a family trip away from my family. I think her actions may cause future trust issues with her children. Sad. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Epicurean Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 It sounds like she may have narcissistic personality disorder. She acts like life is so hard for her, that she gives so much selflessly, that her kids are such a trial, she tells them that they need to behave a certain way to earn her love, dangles a huge treat in front of them only to snatch it away, and then takes a trip by herself because she deserves it and more. Maybe I'm just quick to think of NPD because of someone in my life who has it, but that kind of pattern does sound eerily familiar. 12 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 The thing about her going to Jamaica alone - that makes me wonder if she has some emotional issue or something and just needed to get awaaaaay. Not knowing her personally, I would be reluctant to attribute horrible character on that basis. Personally I don't think I could do that while my young kids were at home crying over a big disappointment. But, going on a trip to Jamaica to briefly get away from it all? Not so terrible by itself. I think it's OK to take a break once in a long while. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wendyroo Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 Unless she originally set up the trip as an incentive for behavior changes, and the kids decided not to earn it? That is the only scenario that would lead to me cancelling a major trip. There would have to be explicit, measurable expectations laid out, and the children would have to be willfully deciding not to meet those expectations even with age-appropriate reminders and scaffolding. I would also be fully prepared to leave only some of the children home with a sitter or one parent if they decided to "call my bluff" and their siblings decided to meet the expectations. I very carefully choose my consequences, because I try to always say what I mean and mean what I say. It drives me nuts when DH says to a preschooler, "You need to go get your pajamas on now or you are going to lose one bedtime book. This is your last chance. Really, you are going to lose a book. Okay, you lost one book, but if you go up right now you can earn it back...." :huh: Wendy 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcadia Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 Yikes! What did the husband do to merit that?! Maybe the husband was ignoring the kids antics and she end up being the only one telling them off. I don't know how many kids she have but people have breaking points/limits of tolerance. If her kids were giving her a hard time and her hubby is not being supportive, postponing Disney World and going on a solo R&R doesn't sound extreme as long as financially it's affordable. I would dread bringing misbehaving kids to Disney World. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 Here is my thing...maybe kids can act that badly. In which case it is MY fault as the parent for not teaching them better. I certainly don't deserve a vacation to Jamaica if I have done such a bad job with the kids that they had a family trip taken away. If they are that awful I should stay home and work on my parenting. I have to disagree. Children have free will. It is not always the parents' fault when they make bad choices. Still, I would work on parenting in a way where big trips are not the incentive, and where kindness rules--it is not kind, to my way of thinking, to use such a trip as an incentive for behavioral change. First of all, it is too far away to be a good consequence. Also, if you use those types of incentives, you'd better know that your kids are developmentally ready to sustain the level of behavior you are requesting--that means it isn't fair to use the "well, I've seen you do it, so you are capable of doing it consistently from now on" rule. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 Yikes! What did the husband do to merit that?! I'd love to know the husband's take on this one......... I know in our house, canceling a vacation would be a joint decision! 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 I would dread bringing misbehaving kids to Disney World. I wouldn't worry about that. :) They are used to kids. Disney is an easy place to be a parent (but you pay for it, LOL). I have been pleasantly surprised at how easy it is to travel with young kids. Most people, especially those in tourism, are happy to accommodate and even bend over backward for kids. But before we traveled the first time, I was a little anxious myself. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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