Will your daughters be too successful to homeschool?

[Lawyer&Mom]

Let me preface that this is for Creekland. Surely we can get a real controversy started.

 

So is homeschooling sustainable? After you give your daughters truly stellar educations, and skillfully guide them to awesome colleges and amazing careers, where they are deeply satisfied and well compensated, who is going to homeschool your grand kids? It seems to me that at least some portion of homeschooling is driven by smart women who have opted out of the workforce because working wasn't worthwhile. Will successful homeschooling create daughters who thrive in the workforce and then don't homeschool their kids?

[momto10blessings]

No, I'm only teaching my daughters enough so that they can read recipes and diaper boxes.

[zoobie]

I am teaching mine to find an unambitious man to stay home and school their kids, cook their meals, and scrub their toilets.

[Tanaqui]

who is going to homeschool your grand kids?

 

Their husbands*. Obviously.

 

* Or wives.

[SereneHome]

I don't know about daughters as I don't have any, but so far, my DS2 wants to be a "stay at home mommy".  Yes, mommy.  And my youngest wants to be a Princess.  No, not a Prince.  A Princess.    My oldest, while wants to be an astronomer, also wants to have 17 kids (that's his number) and wants to stay home while his wife is going to work.

 

I will update in the next 15-20 yrs on where we are.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I was very successful and very well educated.  And look at how far down I've come in the world - oh, wait, this is what I want to do!  But the pay stinks.  

[LMV]

I'm a physician married to an attorney so we both work [albeit a bit less than what most in our fields really consider full time] and we're both very involved in all aspects of raising our children.  It works for us [and we think them].  Our eldest daughter is a molecular biology student now who is planning on at least a MD and maybe a MD-PhD.  I suspect that when the time is right she and anyone she decides to have children with will figure out what works for them and their children.  

[pollyanna]

I have a degree in chemical engineering from a top university and could have a very fulfilling career in my field. I could see that I would not be able to work as much as my job demanded and parent the way I hoped to parent, so I stay home with my children. I'm still a smart woman and still intellectually curious and I think my children could be open to following a similar path when they are adults. I don't feel like I have settled.

[Rebel Yell]

I would actually be fine with whatever choice my girls make for the education of their future children. As homeschool graduates, they will be wise enough to make the best decision based on their individual circumstances.

 

As long as they breastfeed and cloth diaper, I'm OK with whatever they do after that. :leaving:

[Bootsie]

Much of the growth that I have seen in the home schooling community around me is coming from highly educated parents (both mothers and fathers) who have successful careers that they find fulfilling.  They choose to homeschool and have a career.  

[Hannahs4]

Well just take this board for example! There are so many highly educated moms on here who have decided to home educate, I do not think they are mutually exclusive at all. :)

[Crimson Wife]

I want to see my grandkids well-educated, and I don't care whether that is done via homeschooling or via a good B&M school (most likely would need to be private or magnet/charter).

 

I would be disappointed if my kids were workaholcs who basically outsource the raising of my grandkids to nannies & schools. But employed parents *CAN* be good, involved moms & dads if they keep their priorities straight.

[TechWife]

After you give your daughters truly stellar educations, and skillfully guide them to awesome colleges and amazing careers, where they are deeply satisfied and well compensated, who is going to homeschool your grand kids? It seems to me that at least some portion of homeschooling is driven by smart women who have opted out of the workforce because working wasn't worthwhile. Will successful homeschooling create daughters who thrive in the workforce and then don't homeschool their kids?

 

Well, I don't have daughters, but these are my thoughts on the matter, in no particular order.

 

Life is not all about work and money. Work and money are tools that enable us to live a certain way.  

 

Many women find deep satisfaction in raising their families and teaching their children. Some of these women work outside of the home and some do not.  

 

Working outside the home and homeschooling aren't mutually exclusive. It is not easy to do both, but it can be done. 

 

I expect my son and his wife will choose the best educational scenario for their children when the time comes, whether or not they are " deeply satisfied and well compensated" in their places of employment. I don't expect them to homeschool simply because he was home educated. 

 

I am a smart woman who opted out of the workforce because raising my son was my priority, not because work was not "worthwhile." 

[J-rap]

I'm fine with whatever choices my kids make in that area, and I've always told them that.  It happened to work for us and I loved it, and really believe it gave my kids lots of wonderful advantages.  I do think that most of my dds are already on a path of being very ambitious and career-oriented, so will unlikely homeschool their own children.  But even if they don't, I think homeschooling has given them insight into not just educating their children but helping them stay emotionally healthy and independent in today's society.

 

And, one of them does happen to have a dh who I can see being a stay-at-home dad and homeschooling someday.  :)

 

Who knows though -- things can change on a dime!  Once they have their own children they may look at things very differently.

 

 

[wapiti]

nm

[SKL]

If my kids want to homeschool, I don't think being educated will hold them back.  Heck, I wanted to be a PS school teacher until my 3rd year of college (and then I wanted to start my own school), so the desire to educate kids doesn't go away just because kids can do accounting / calculus too.  Of course this assumes they do not have so much educational debt that they need a full-time professional income.

 

I just hope my kids have a good enough education to have choices in the first place.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I am teaching mine to find an unambitious man to stay home and school their kids, cook their meals, and scrub their toilets.

 

LMAO

 

I'd think this would require a very ambitious man. 

[Annie G]

Nah. Oldest dd left a PhD program at Georgia Tech with a master's in chemistry because she was having baby #2 and wanted to focus on her family.  She's homeschooling the two oldest and welcoming baby #4 this month.   I think dh and I have a more difficult time seeing her stay home with the kids than she does. (Now there's a comment to incite controversy!)

[SparklyUnicorn]

I only have boys.  I said I'd never stay home, never be a homemaker, never get married, and never have children.  And I never heard of homeschooling until I was about 30.  Well now look at me.

 

 

[creekland]

Let me preface that this is for Creekland. Surely we can get a real controversy started.

 

So is homeschooling sustainable? After you give your daughters truly stellar educations, and skillfully guide them to awesome colleges and amazing careers, where they are deeply satisfied and well compensated, who is going to homeschool your grand kids? It seems to me that at least some portion of homeschooling is driven by smart women who have opted out of the workforce because working wasn't worthwhile. Will successful homeschooling create daughters who thrive in the workforce and then don't homeschool their kids?

 

Great idea.  I have three boys.  I'd HATE for the rest of y'all to overeducate my DILs.

 

BUT... considering I'd have been stoned by age three in that type of lifestyle, this might be one of those problems with no solution.  It's definitely a puzzle worthy of thought!

 

ps  I missed this one a tad as I actually had to work a little bit for a living.  A couple of students in this class today (remedial math) were absent yesterday so I've been going over how to graph inequalities.  Then one is from the Ukraine (an immigrant) and we're working on solving equations now that she's mastered English nicely.

[Gentlemommy]

Sister wives. 😜

[albeto.]

I am teaching mine to find an unambitious man to stay home and school their kids, cook their meals, and scrub their toilets.

 

Silly liberal wanna-be. If you want to destroy western civilization, you teach your daughters to be feminists and lesbians, to hate men and the concept of family, to bring the wrath of god down o'er the land, thereby ushering a New World Order.

 

Sheesh. Do I have to do everything myself?

[lllll]

..

[creekland]

Silly liberal wanna-be. If you want to destroy western civilization, you teach your daughters to be feminists and lesbians, to hate men and the concept of family, to bring the wrath of god down o'er the land, thereby ushering a New World Order.

 

Sheesh. Do I have to do everything myself?

 

YOU BETTER NOT!  I have three boys and the future I have planned out includes grandchildren someday.  I'm not sure that they're thinking of grandkids just yet, but still, you have to keep some old fashioned or those of us who were unable to pass on the XX chromosome will be totally out of luck.

[creekland]

I have 3 dd's, all currently in college.  I don't think they've planned that far ahead.  And I haven't thought much past 'Where in the heck are they going to find mature, decent men to marry'.   (2 of them have said they would like to marry at some point.  Not sure about the 3rd.)     

 

 

I have two still available.  One is literally too good to be true and some gal better appreciate him.  He may have one flaw in that he intends to go to med school and I understand that will come with long hours working - not to mention - one has to wonder if one can get away with anything in a household with a resident doctor...

 

The other will be fun loving and great at conversation + his job, but the house?  Let's just say I tried - I really did.

[Amy in NH]

Who will homeschool the grandkids?  YOU of course!!  :tongue_smilie:

 

My older boys have decided they're never having children.

[Alice]

Both my dh and I work part-time and stay home part-time. I'm hoping all three of our kids (boys and girl) see that work outside the home and work inside the home and raising kids and educating them are all equal parts of a good life. How they figure out how to work it out may look very different than what we are doing and that's ok too. 

 

Of course my middle son's current plan is to have 15 children, all of which are adopted (no wife). He wants to give away most of his money to help animals (not sure where this money will come from) so he plans to eliminate unnecessary expenses.....like clothes. We asked about weather to which he replied he would live in a warm climate (he said desert until we pointed out that naked children running around the desert might not be so great). Yes, son, I absolutely think the authorities will have no problem allowing a single guy with no job to adopt as many children as he wants and let them run around naked in the desert. Great plan. He's also very blood and injury adverse so I asked who would take care of the kids if they stepped on a cactus, just for example. He replied that his sister would go to medical school and come and live with them and be their doctor. 

 

So HER education won't be wasted. :) 

[creekland]

 

Of course my middle son's current plan is to have 15 children, all of which are adopted (no wife). He wants to give away most of his money to help animals (not sure where this money will come from) so he plans to eliminate unnecessary expenses.....like clothes. We asked about weather to which he replied he would live in a warm climate (he said desert until we pointed out that naked children running around the desert might not be so great). Yes, son, I absolutely think the authorities will have no problem allowing a single guy with no job to adopt as many children as he wants and let them run around naked in the desert. Great plan. He's also very blood and injury adverse so I asked who would take care of the kids if they stepped on a cactus, just for example. He replied that his sister would go to medical school and come and live with them and be their doctor. 

 

So HER education won't be wasted. :)

 

I love forward thinking children!  My guy was 8 when he planned his future (as an MD) and is still sticking to it now that he's 20.  How old is your guy?  ;)

[lllll]

..

[Dory]

So my education is wasted because I have chosen to pour it into the next generation? My daughter is specifically starting to look at careers that she could do from home because she already is firm on wanting a family and being a SAHM. I want her to have a good education. To be able to support herself if she needed or wanted to. Not to mention, if she did homeschool her kids, a good education helps. Or she just might find a guy that really wants to be a SAHD. That's fine, whatever works for them. I can completely see my youngest ds going for that idea.

 

 

I haven't read all the responses yet.

[creekland]

lol  Well, do either of them want to live in Russia?  Middle dd is determined to move to Russia.  I would LOVE to do some serious 'steering' with that one.  ;)

 

That would be a dealbreaker with youngest.  He only wants tropical living - hence he's in college in FL.

 

I don't think middle son cares, but it could put a crimp in his plans if he has to be an MD in Russian.  He knows ASL, but the "American" part of that could be problematic too.

 

You just might have to look for your match elsewhere.  Sorry!

[Alice]

I love forward thinking children!  My guy was 8 when he planned his future (as an MD) and is still sticking to it now that he's 20.  How old is your guy?   ;)

 

He's 8. Uh-oh!   :huh:

[Guest]

dd is 25, doesn't want kids, and probably shouldn't have any. I've beaten myself up long enough about being a "Martyr Mom" and everything else I might have done "wrong" to cause this, but you know what? I think that's just the way she is.

 

On the other hand, I have a 22 year old son who has always wanted to be a father and now that his hormones have settled down a bit he says he is "tired of breaking hearts" and doesn't want to date any girls who would be uncomfortable with staying home with his kids and homeschooling them at least to middle school.

 

His career decisions are consistant with his family goals.

 

He would have made a great mom for my grandchildren if he had the right equipment, but I think he'll make a wonderful Dad and I trust him to pick out a good mother for them.

 

ETA: He has no interest whatsoever in being a SAHD.

 

dd26 was not homeschooled, but she is a very devoted and involved "Stay-at-home-Auntie" to her stepsister's daughter. I don't brag about her enough.

[creekland]

So my education is wasted because I have chosen to pour it into the next generation? My daughter is specifically starting to look at careers that she could do from home because she already is firm on wanting a family and being a SAHM. I want her to have a good education. To be able to support herself if she needed or wanted to. Not to mention, if she did homeschool her kids, a good education helps. Or she just might find a guy that really wants to be a SAHD. That's fine, whatever works for them. I can completely see my youngest ds going for that idea.

 

 

I haven't read all the responses yet.

 

This thread - or at least the first post in it - really needs to be a pre-req before getting too far into this thread.

 

http://forums.welltrainedmind.com/topic/533513-someone-start-a-controversial-thread-for-me/

 

I have to say I'm REALLY appreciating the two distraction threads I've come across (and sorry if there are others I'm missing!)  Y'all are awesome, but then again, I guess I knew that.  This is the HIVE after all!

[freesia]

I was very successful and very well educated.  And look at how far down I've come in the world - oh, wait, this is what I want to do!  But the pay stinks.

This.

[creekland]

He's 8. Uh-oh!   :huh:

 

I hope you enjoy being a grandmother - and the desert - and it sure helps that you're a pediatrician!  Bring sunscreen... and fig leaves?   :lol:

[WinsomeCreek]

Hmm. Well, my 2 older *boys* hope to marry smart, beautiful and successful women. Both would like to have large families and help homeschool their (many) kids. They also hope their wives have parents that, like us, want to help out. There you go- at least for some of your too successful homeschool daughters there are homeschool sons to support them both at home and in the workforce.

I'm sure my workaholic, mostly absent Dh has a much greater influence on their decision making here than my homeschooling efforts do.

[catz]

LOL.  Successful doesn't preclude homeschooling.  I was a highly paid, multiple degrees software engineer for 8+ years before we had kids.  I've done some contract/volunteer work in my area a number of times since then. Honestly, if we hadn't married and had kids relatively late compared to this board and if I didn't have the education I do have, I would not be comfortable homeschooling.  And that goes for financially and mentally.  I know there are different schools of thought on this.  And I don't TEACH everything.   I consider myself more of a facilitator and organizer than a true homeschool teacher. 

 

I hope my kids find happiness and find some success if their area of choice as adults.  I don't know anyone who regrets being highly educated.  When and if they decide to marry, have kids, homeschool is beyond my (lack of) pay grade.  I also think someone shouldn't count on finding a spouse that will allow them to stay home.  Even if you find that spouse, things can happen that will require you to be able to work and/or need to send your kids to a more traditional school.  I know plenty of people in our urban area who've chosen to have dad stay at home for a while and/or dad homeschool.  I don't know why anyone would think it needs to be a mom.  I also think it's hard to know BEFORE you marry and have kids how that will unfold, depending on all the personalities involved.  My oldest went to PS for 2 years.  I am an accidental homeschooler.  I know families that insisted on joining homeschool groups with their toddlers and preschoolers, and then decided homeschooling was not going to be a fit for their families.  All best laid plans blah blah blah ...

 

My kids haven't verbally talked about this kind of thing at all and at 10 and 14, I'm glad.  :hurray:

[Tammi K]

All you need to do is look at this board and you see a cross-section of the population that includes a broad range of highly educated women.  We have doctors, vets, lawyers, professors........

 

They've all managed to maintain marketplace respectability as well as home-school their children so I'm sure it can be done.  

 

I think there is always going to be a section of the population who finds the greatest fulfillment in life by raising the next generation. Some of those will home-school as well.

[Erin]

Personally, I've been on this planet long enough to know that raising kids is merely a season in my life.  I've been mostly-home for the past 15 years but I can see the beginnings of mature, independent adults on the horizon…  In the next 5-10 years, I expect I will return to a career of some sort.  I'll have another 15-20 years after that before realistically thinking about retirement.

 

My pre-marriage/family education has certainly not been wasted!

 

Also at issue is homeschooling itself.  While I obviously see its value, I don't think it's some kind of educational panacea to which all other priorities must bow...

[AK_Mom4]

I am very well educated.

I am very successful in my chosen career.

 

I also have successfully homeschooled now for 7 years.

 

I totally reject the idea that things are necessarily mutually exclusive.

[momacacia]

What are you talking about?!?! I'm going to homeschool my grandchildren! My kids are great and all, but even under my competent tutelage, they still won't be competent enough to teach my grandchildren in the manner of which they are deserving. I will need to control every.last.inch of my grandchildren's educations! 

 

#homeschoolcontrolfreak

 

I have heard of one situation where the wife/mother was previously homeschooled and then went into medicine. She is a neurologist, I think. It sounds like because of the cost of education she continues her medical work in lieu of homeschooling, while she really wishes she could be home. I'm completely unaware of other details, but I can see where school bills could factor into a second-gen homeschooling decision.

 

[LLMom]

My oldest, a girl, is 24.  She has an 18 month old and has said there is no way she will homeschool.  One of my other dd, 13, says she won't either and my other 2 girls don't know.  I have a 21 ds who says he won't be having children (that would be good for the planet) I know having kids and time can change everything but my 3 oldest say they think school is better.  My oldest 2 never went to school so I don't know how they can compare but oh well.  I did my best.

[regentrude]

I am, by all measures, pretty successful, if I may say so myself. I have a PhD in theoretical physics and teach physics at a STEM university.

I homeschool my children because the local schools could not provide an adequate education.

 

So, a few comments:

1. Homeschooling and working are not exclusive. Not all homeschooling parents are leaving the workforce because "working isn't worthwhile". I very much consider it worthwhile, because I love what I do in my job.

 

2. To me, homeschooling is not some ideology I must uphold at all cost. I homeschool because, under our local circumstances, this is the best education for my children. If we lived elsewhere, my children would most likely attend a school.

 

3. Why is this about daughters and not sons? Why would not a father be equally qualified to homeschool (if that is what the family chooses) while the highly educated mother works outside the home?

 

[Karen in CO]

Just because you were homeschooled, doesn't mean you would do a good job homeschooling. It would be awfully presumptuous of me to start planning now how my grandkids will be raised.

 

 

 

 

 

(I'd normally be more tactful, but let's have controversy today. It is snowing, and there were bomb threats.)

[Lawyer&Mom]

Why daughters? Because most of the parents on the board are moms. Because men are just as qualified to stay home, but not nearly as likely. But also because I wanted you to open the thread.

 

I think there is a legitimate tension between homeschooling and being a working professional. We talk a lot about seasons, but it's hard to stop and start careers. I hope it's getting easier! I have much more work flexibility than my mother, and I want my daughter to have even more.

 

But most of all I wanted to entertain Creekland, because I know too well what it's like to be bored in the classroom.

[LucyStoner]

My goal is to educate my children well enough that they can define success on their own terms. Success can include being a homemaker or homeschooling parent. Why is working "more successful" in our culture? I don't think it is. That said, I don't really have a goal to raise future homeschooling parents. I have a goal to raise people who, if they decide to become parents, will see that their children get the best education possible. Who the heck knows what will be best for hypothetical grandchildren? And it's not my decision anyways.

[creekland]

I am, by all measures, pretty successful, if I may say so myself. I have a PhD in theoretical physics and teach physics at a STEM university.

I homeschool my children because the local schools could not provide an adequate education.

 

 

3. Why is this about daughters and not sons? Why would not a father be equally qualified to homeschool (if that is what the family chooses) while the highly educated mother works outside the home?

 

I don't think a controversial thread about the men in our lives would be nearly as fun.  ;)

 

The first post in this thread is an important pre-req to this thread and the thrift store thread.  

 

http://forums.welltrainedmind.com/topic/533513-someone-start-a-controversial-thread-for-me/

 

(I'd normally be more tactful, but let's have controversy today. It is snowing, and there were bomb threats.)

 

KEEP your snow!  We need to travel to the funeral sometime later this week.  I'm content with just bomb threats thank you very much!

 

But most of all I wanted to entertain Creekland, because I know too well what it's like to be bored in the classroom.

 

Thanks!  I definitely appreciate it and I still love that first comment about recipes and diaper boxes.

[DawnM]

I feel so strongly about it that I firmly believe that if my children don't choose to homeschool, then I will cut them out of the will.  There is no place for brick and mortar school nonsense in my family.

 

 

Just because you were homeschooled, doesn't mean you would do a good job homeschooling. It would be awfully presumptuous of me to start planning now how my grandkids will be raised.





(I'd normally be more tactful, but let's have controversy today. It is snowing, and there were bomb threats.)

 

[LucyStoner]

No, I'm only teaching my daughters enough so that they can read recipes and diaper boxes.

Overachiever! Who needs to read diaper boxes? That's what the pictures are for, right?