acsnmama Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthwestMom Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 Other people are a mystery. Expect nothing from her and you won't be disappointed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 I'd figure she's either not interesting in pursuing a friendship, or she's very shy. What do you mean by she's given you no reason to seek her out? Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bolt. Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 It's probably the church thing, but even so, it makes very little sense. I agree with the above "people are mysteries" comment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 Introvert. There's a homeschool family in my neighborhood and I've never seen the kids leave the house except with the dad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denise in Florida Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 She might just be really awkward and shy. Are you willing to extend an offer to have her over for coffee and kids play date? That might help settle nerves if that is the issue. Otherwise, put it down to "people are strange". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crimson Wife Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 When you didn't immediately take her up on the church invitation, she probably wrote you off as the "wrong" type of person. Unfortunately, there are certain churches that preach limiting friendships to fellow members. That kind of policy doesn't strike me as following Christ's example, but you can't worry about what others choose to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 As others have said, she is probably an introvert. Can you invite her and the kids over for a playdate? Be the first one to try and open the doors? It may not work, but you can at least try. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 So she has talked with you in the past, but is not talking now? If that's so, I would extend more effort and if it's rebuffed, too, you could say, "I'm wondering if I have done something unknowingly that offended you." Then the ball is in her court. If she is an uber introvert, that's a big cue that she's acting like she's angry. If she's been offended in some way, she gets a chance to come clean. You've then done all it's in your power to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 Why judge her when you don't even know her? She "might be" a lot of things but unless you know more you are just guessing (as we are). I know that's the point - that you want to get to know her but some people have a bit more trouble with those initial overtures. Take them a plate a cookies, tell her "oh, I wanted to tell you, we visited your church but were so sorry to have missed you that Sunday" and see if that makes a difference, invite her over for a playdate. Then see what happens. It may be that things get less awkward. Or it may be that you find out that you are incompatible in some way. If so, that's really ok - just because they homeschool, are involved in the same sports, go to the same OB etc. doesn't mean that you have to have playdates. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 Why judge her when you don't even know her? She "might be" a lot of things but unless you know more you are just guessing (as we are). I know that's the point - that you want to get to know her but some people have a bit more trouble with those initial overtures. Take them a plate a cookies, tell her "oh, I wanted to tell you, we visited your church but were so sorry to have missed you that Sunday" and see if that makes a difference, invite her over for a playdate. Then see what happens. It may be that things get less awkward. Or it may be that you find out that you are incompatible in some way. If so, that's really ok - just because they homeschool, are involved in the same sports, go to the same OB etc. doesn't mean that you have to have playdates. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
acsnmama Posted June 10, 2014 Author Share Posted June 10, 2014 I will say hi more directly the next time I see her. She didn't personally invite us to their church, it was a generalized, "come check it out sometime!" (About 2 years ago). I meant that she hasn't given me reason to attempt to create a friendship because we haven't had a single conversation since a couple of years ago, so there is no basis of anything if that makes any sense or an opportunity to start a conversation. I honestly don't have opportunity to say anything unless I'm outside when she is, as I'm not the type to just stop by someone's house (I personally am too shy to do that!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcadia Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 She may just not like to talk or may not be used to starting a conversation. Or she may feel more comfortable with neutral topics. For example, discussing international competitions like French open, World Cup to me is neutral. Discussing pregnancy would fall under too personal for me even though I would be ok with answering a pregnant lady's query on estimated date of birth. Most of my neighbors smile when we meet. The minority would ask "How are you doing?". So just a smile while the kids play tag or talk about the latest in-thing would be common enough here. Invite her kids over for a playdate. She might drop the kids off or she might stay and chat. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 She could be shy, introverted, dealing with a difficult pregnancy, chronically ill, shy, feeling rebuffed by you because she thinks you didn't take her up on the church thing, who knows? If it's important to you to get to know her, I'm with Jean. Take her a plate of cookies, invite the kids for a playdate, and see what happens. Then you'll know for sure. Either you'll have a new homeschooling family of friends, or you'll know that you're not compatible for whatever reason and you can just say hello when you see each other and keep going. We have had similar experiences here, but generally we know the reason - we are secular homeschoolers and most homeschoolers in our area are not. It has surprised me how exclusive they can be. We tend to play and socialize with anyone, but we've learned that not everyone feels that way. It's been a hard lesson. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
acsnmama Posted June 10, 2014 Author Share Posted June 10, 2014 . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Missouri Okie Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 I agree that it's useless to speculate....however, I'm going to do it. I tend to be the same way as this lady. In theory, I always want to make new friends, and so I reach out to people. However, when they get too close (merely coming to my church would qualify for me as getting too close, sadly) I get rattled because I'm such an introvert. I pull back in my shell. I agree that small acts of kindness that don't ask anything of her would be the best approach. She'll warm up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
acsnmama Posted June 10, 2014 Author Share Posted June 10, 2014 Thanks everyone, I'm going to let it be and if there is opportunity and I see her, I'll try being more direct! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 I will say hi more directly the next time I see her. She didn't personally invite us to their church, it was a generalized, "come check it out sometime!" (About 2 years ago). I meant that she hasn't given me reason to attempt to create a friendship because we haven't had a single conversation since a couple of years ago, so there is no basis of anything if that makes any sense or an opportunity to start a conversation. I honestly don't have opportunity to say anything unless I'm outside when she is, as I'm not the type to just stop by someone's house (I personally am too shy to do that!) O.k. since you both appear to be introverts that means that one of you is going to have to go outside their comfort zone to get the ball rolling. Since you are the one that is disappointed that there isn't more response from her side, I guess you are the one that will have to decide if you even CAN step outside your comfort zone. (She may be feeling the exact same way, by the way). Do you know what house she lives in? Some additional ideas if the plate of cookies thing is too uncomfortable for you. 1. Maybe you could write a note to her and leave it for her, giving a date, time and park you are planning on taking your kids to and asking if she would like to join you. Leave some sort of contact info. 2. Keep a close eye out and the next time you spot her passing by with the kids ask if they would like to drop by for a cool drink after their walk. 3. Find an interesting event that is really kid friendly and send her a note explaining that since you are both homeschooling and both pregnant you thought of her and wondered if she and her kids would be interested in joining you and your kids for said event. 4. Take your own kids for a walk, and if you see her, invite them along, and if they say they can't right at that moment ask if they would like to have a playdate in the next couple of days at the park or at your house. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 There are so many possible explanations, it's not worth analyzing. It could be she is an introvert, and maybe she is overwhelmed with life. Or, maybe she is just very content and not looking for anything outside of her family right now. You could always bring them a plate of cookies or invite them over for a barbecue and see what happens! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
acsnmama Posted June 10, 2014 Author Share Posted June 10, 2014 O.k. since you both appear to be introverts that means that one of you is going to have to go outside their comfort zone to get the ball rolling. Since you are the one that is disappointed that there isn't more response from her side, I guess you are the one that will have to decide if you even CAN step outside your comfort zone. (She may be feeling the exact same way, by the way). Do you know what house she lives in? Some additional ideas if the plate of cookies thing is too uncomfortable for you. 1. Maybe you could write a note to her and leave it for her, giving a date, time and park you are planning on taking your kids to and asking if she would like to join you. Leave some sort of contact info. 2. Keep a close eye out and the next time you spot her passing by with the kids ask if they would like to drop by for a cool drink after their walk. 3. Find an interesting event that is really kid friendly and send her a note explaining that since you are both homeschooling and both pregnant you thought of her and wondered if she and her kids would be interested in joining you and your kids for said event. 4. Take your own kids for a walk, and if you see her, invite them along, and if they say they can't right at that moment ask if they would like to have a playdate in the next couple of days at the park or at your house. Thanks, these seem doable, we've made good friendships with immediate neighbors, easy enough when you live next door :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie Laurie Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 If you're waiting for her to make an overture, perhaps she's waiting for you to make one too? Maybe she's also wondering why you don't say or do more? They sound like me and my husband. He is an extrovert, and he is super friendly, charming, and good with people. He makes friends with everyone, from the receptionist at the dentist's office, to the neighbors on the street. He's good at remembering names and always knows the right thing to say. Me, I'm socially awkward, and it's gotten worse the older I've gotten. I'm an introvert, and I spend so much time caring for my family, reading up for homeschooling, and spend time on hobbies no one else is interested in, that I feel like I have nothing to talk about anymore. I'm not good at knowing what to say to someone new, and I may want to be friends, but I mostly only smile and say hi. But even that I bungle half the time, the other day I was in a mood about something else, lost in thought, and got out of my car and realized my neighbor was saying hi, I said hi back but I had been scowling to myself and she might have thought I was scowling at her. Anyway, she may want to be friends and just not know how to go about it, or she may feel that you're not interested. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Walking-Iris Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 When you didn't immediately take her up on the church invitation, she probably wrote you off as the "wrong" type of person. Unfortunately, there are certain churches that preach limiting friendships to fellow members. That kind of policy doesn't strike me as following Christ's example, but you can't worry about what others choose to do. Not saying this is the issue,but IME this is sometimes the issue. I live in a small rural town where the majority of homeschooling families are not interested in people who are not members of their church or a church similar to theirs. Very insular. It's sort of rude. At least I find it rude! It implies that my children and I are somehow less than or not worthy of basic consideration. Now for the OP. If you are not getting a insular church vibe like that, she could just be painfully shy. Usually though...I'm quick to want to talk about homeschooling with any other homeschooler I encounter. Not everyone is like that however. We can't all be soul mates!!! ;) I would just continue being polite and nice when you see her. She seems quiet and private. I get that. I'm quiet and private. If it's just that she seems introverted, just be nice and maybe you'll break through. If her quietness has a rude quality to it, I'd just let it go. If there's a church thing going on...just drop it. Nothing you can do about that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoCalLynn Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 When you didn't immediately take her up on the church invitation, she probably wrote you off as the "wrong" type of person. Unfortunately, there are certain churches that preach limiting friendships to fellow members. That kind of policy doesn't strike me as following Christ's example, but you can't worry about what others choose to do. Given that the husband *is* friendly and talkative, I don't think this is the explanation. I rather think she's just an extreme introvert. I am, and I know that a few people I've become friends with over the years initially thought I was aloof or "stuck-up" as one put it. It just takes a while to feel comfortable around new people and it's very uncomfortable to make "small-talk" as we often feel that small-talk is meaningless, even though we also know that is how you break the ice and get to know people. I also know that I am always grateful and warm and welcoming if someone will just take a chance and try to break into my personal bubble. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Critterfixer Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 I'd try inviting her over for tea and cookies, very informal, and try talking kids and homeschooling. I'm sort of coming to the conclusion as I get older that if I want friends, I'm going to have to go out with a butterfly net and nab me a few. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunflowerlady Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 Some people probably see my dh and I in a similar light. He is more outgoing and talkative and I am more reserved and am an introvert. In fact I probably sometimes come across as snooty or antisocial I am an introvert and can be uncomfortable in situations with people I am just meeting or don't know well. However I do better once I get to know people a bit better. I am active in my home school group and am even in a leadership position. It takes me time to get into a "comfort zone". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeachyDoodle Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 O.k. since you both appear to be introverts that means that one of you is going to have to go outside their comfort zone to get the ball rolling. Since you are the one that is disappointed that there isn't more response from her side, I guess you are the one that will have to decide if you even CAN step outside your comfort zone. (She may be feeling the exact same way, by the way). Do you know what house she lives in? Some additional ideas if the plate of cookies thing is too uncomfortable for you. 1. Maybe you could write a note to her and leave it for her, giving a date, time and park you are planning on taking your kids to and asking if she would like to join you. Leave some sort of contact info. 2. Keep a close eye out and the next time you spot her passing by with the kids ask if they would like to drop by for a cool drink after their walk. 3. Find an interesting event that is really kid friendly and send her a note explaining that since you are both homeschooling and both pregnant you thought of her and wondered if she and her kids would be interested in joining you and your kids for said event. 4. Take your own kids for a walk, and if you see her, invite them along, and if they say they can't right at that moment ask if they would like to have a playdate in the next couple of days at the park or at your house. This is a great list of ideas. I'll add a couple more: 5. Since you're both expecting, make a lasagna or some other type of meal that can be put in the freezer for after the baby arrives. You can always say, "Oh, I was making these for after I have my baby and thought you might be able to use one too." Maybe this would feel less awkward than bringing food for no apparent reason? 6. Do you have her email address, or can you get it? I often find that reaching out via email is more comfortable for me than by phone or in person. It might be more comfortable for her as well, if she's shy. 7. Are you on Facebook? You can send her a friend request, or message her with an invite for coffee or a play date. You don't usually have to be friends with someone to message them. It might be easier to locate her on Facebook than to get her email if you don't have mutual acquaintances. If you're waiting for her to make an overture, perhaps she's waiting for you to make one too? Maybe she's also wondering why you don't say or do more? They sound like me and my husband. He is an extrovert, and he is super friendly, charming, and good with people. He makes friends with everyone, from the receptionist at the dentist's office, to the neighbors on the street. He's good at remembering names and always knows the right thing to say. Me, I'm socially awkward, and it's gotten worse the older I've gotten. I'm an introvert, and I spend so much time caring for my family, reading up for homeschooling, and spend time on hobbies no one else is interested in, that I feel like I have nothing to talk about anymore. I'm not good at knowing what to say to someone new, and I may want to be friends, but I mostly only smile and say hi. But even that I bungle half the time, the other day I was in a mood about something else, lost in thought, and got out of my car and realized my neighbor was saying hi, I said hi back but I had been scowling to myself and she might have thought I was scowling at her. Anyway, she may want to be friends and just not know how to go about it, or she may feel that you're not interested. This is very much dh and me as well. And if we are out in public together (as woman and her dh were at the doctor's office), I'm highly likely to just let him handle the conversation completely. A smile is probably all you would get from me. (Although, if I were directly addressed, I would respond. I just have a hard time thinking of things to say.) OP, I hope this works out for you. I know it's frustrating to want to get to know someone who (for whatever reason) doesn't seem interested. Especially if you're not an outgoing person yourself. The couple across the street is just like dh and me. They also homeschool, and I have tried several times (in my own admittedly feeble way) to befriend the wife and arrange play dates for the kids. We have gotten together a few times, but it's always very awkward and it's clearly not in the cards for us to become BFF's! :laugh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 I meant that she hasn't given me reason to attempt to create a friendship because we haven't had a single conversation since a couple of years ago, so there is no basis of anything if that makes any sense or an opportunity to start a conversation. I honestly don't have opportunity to say anything unless I'm outside when she is, as I'm not the type to just stop by someone's house (I personally am too shy to do that!) :) Maybe you are two peas in a pod.... I see you've gotten some good ideas for how to reach out. Go for it! Either you'll get to know one another, or things will stay distant the way they are now but at least you'd know it's because she's not interested. Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Berta Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 Some people probably see my dh and I in a similar light. He is more outgoing and talkative and I am more reserved and am an introvert. In fact I probably sometimes come across as snooty or antisocial I am an introvert and can be uncomfortable in situations with people I am just meeting or don't know well. However I do better once I get to know people a bit better. I am active in my home school group and am even in a leadership position. It takes me time to get into a "comfort zone". I'm also an introvert and have been told that I "look unapproachable", which is actually OK with me. It has nothing to do with anyone other then myself. It doesn't mean I don't like you, it doesn't mean you did anything wrong, it's just ME. I don't mind being an introvert, but I really get bothered when other people think it's something they have done. It really has nothing to do with what anyone else has said or done. It's just how I am. I learned not to be overly friendly because then people want to engage me. That is usually the last thing I want. I am not trying to be rude, I just like being by myself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shanvan Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 I've read most of the responses, and I think it's okay to attempt to make some further contact, but I also think you should proceed cautiously. There is a person in my life who I have made many many overtures too who is just extremely awkward and clueless socially. I have had my feelings hurt by her thoughtless comments and clueless behavior often. I have no choice but to continue to be involved with her, and I try to think the best of her whenever possible, however there are times when I wonder if the things she says, does, and opportunities she does not share with us are conscious choices she is making. It can be painful, too, to be around a group of people and have her ignore us while she converses with people we don't know, doesn't introduce us, and pretty much ignores us. It's hard not to conclude that she has decided they are more important people to know. But, then there are times when she will initiate a conversation and chit chat like a normal person. I really wish I could have this person out of my life, but that isn't going to happen. Dh and I have decided she's just painfully awkward. It is a tremendous effort to be around her and her family. If I had a choice, I wouldn't. As, Jean said, it is okay if you don't click with people. If that's the case, it's better to realize it early on and not expend energy you could use for more satisfying relationships. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomatHWTK Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 So, as far as I can tell she just doesn't make conversation? If you want to talk to her, say "Hi" when the kids are talking and start a conversation. She may still not enjoy talking- some folks don't. I don't know any of my neighbors, DH chats with anyone who is outside when he is. Actually, my mom does as well if she is at our house. Me- I bolt for our door. :blushing: It is absolutely exhausting to try to come up with small talk and try not to say the wrong thing. I hate having to stand and talk even more when pregnant. The most you would get out of me at the OBs office or when walking down the street would be an acknowledgment taht I recognized you and a smile. I doubt it has anything to do with the church or you. Introverts just aren't into that whole "let's go do stuff together and talk about it" thing. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie Laurie Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 I've read most of the responses, and I think it's okay to attempt to make some further contact, but I also think you should proceed cautiously. There is a person in my life who I have made many many overtures too who is just extremely awkward and clueless socially. I have had my feelings hurt by her thoughtless comments and clueless behavior often. I have no choice but to continue to be involved with her, and I try to think the best of her whenever possible, however there are times when I wonder if the things she says, does, and opportunities she does not share with us are conscious choices she is making. It can be painful, too, to be around a group of people and have her ignore us while she converses with people we don't know, doesn't introduce us, and pretty much ignores us. It's hard not to conclude that she has decided they are more important people to know. But, then there are times when she will initiate a conversation and chit chat like a normal person. I really wish I could have this person out of my life, but that isn't going to happen. Dh and I have decided she's just painfully awkward. It is a tremendous effort to be around her and her family. If I had a choice, I wouldn't. As, Jean said, it is okay if you don't click with people. If that's the case, it's better to realize it early on and not expend energy you could use for more satisfying relationships. Well, to me, that's just rude, and not about being awkward. I would never leave some one out like that and not introduce new people into a group. This thread seemed like it was more about the awkwardness of not being good at small talk and not knowing how to approach someone you don't know well. I think when someone is just rude like you talked about, there is no need to make excuses for her or to try to be friends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In2why Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 My first thought is that she walks by your house hoping to figure out how to make friends with you? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trulycrabby Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 You folks are much better people than I because, honestly, I would leave her alone and be thankful for one less person I had to talk to. :o :o :o Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shanvan Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 Well, to me, that's just rude, and not about being awkward. I would never leave some one out like that and not introduce new people into a group. This thread seemed like it was more about the awkwardness of not being good at small talk and not knowing how to approach someone you don't know well. I think when someone is just rude like you talked about, there is no need to make excuses for her or to try to be friends. I agree. My point is that the person I posted about started out the same as the OP's neighbor. I did put a lot of time and effort into trying to establish a relationship. It took me a while to see her behavior. I think she is rude, but she has a lot on her plate, and she might have just had moment (over and over again). I've been told she's kind of 'out-there' by a few of her acquaintances, but I didn't fully understand what that meant until now. It's not nice, but my Dh sometimes says 'she took her happy pill today' if she acts friendly to us at an event. Really, her behavior to us is so hot and cold, it could be that she has some sort of a problem that requires medication. Idk. I make excuses b/c we have no choice but to spend time together and I have to be able to get along and not be upset or trying to figure her out all the time. It's just easier. I have cut my exposure to her way down, but can't eliminate it altogether. We know too many of the same people and I can't control everyone else. That's about as much as I'm willing to post on a public board, especially after reading the 'Have you recognized any WTM members irl' thread! ETA: This one person is why I can completely support the 'people are mysteries' comment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sasharowan Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 I'm not judging anyone, I'm asking for advice. I also did not say I expect us to be friends and have play dates. I'm explaining how I get one thing being said to myself and DH by her husband to is super friendly, but the opposite when we encounter her. I said already she was perfectly nice when we spoke before, a long time ago! I'm the same way. Dh knows all the neighbors, chats with them, helps them out. Ds8 plays with the little girls next door. I wave hi if I'm outside and see them, will talk if spoken too AND I hear them. But I am deaf in one ear, so often don't hear someone call to me over the noise of pool pumps, kids playing, cars driving, etc. Also, we live in FL, I am not often outside just to be out. So if I am out, I am preoccupied with the reason that I am out (usually finding dh to get a question answered) and not really paying attention to what is around me. I don't mean to be rude and standoffish, but I've been told I come across that way. Being introverted and hard of hearing added to not liking the heat means I hide inside most of the time while dh gets to know the neighborhood. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 I'm not judging anyone, I'm asking for advice. I also did not say I expect us to be friends and have play dates. I'm explaining how I get one thing being said to myself and DH by her husband to is super friendly, but the opposite when we encounter her. I said already she was perfectly nice when we spoke before, a long time ago! If she WAS nice before, maybe she is struggling with something now. I think excusing it as "introversion" when an adult doesn't even respond to a greeting is incorrect, especially when she has had conversations in the past. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest submarines Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 I will say hi more directly the next time I see her. She didn't personally invite us to their church, it was a generalized, "come check it out sometime!" (About 2 years ago). I meant that she hasn't given me reason to attempt to create a friendship because we haven't had a single conversation since a couple of years ago, so there is no basis of anything if that makes any sense or an opportunity to start a conversation. I honestly don't have opportunity to say anything unless I'm outside when she is, as I'm not the type to just stop by someone's house (I personally am too shy to do that!) Why don't you have a conversation, then? The next time try to be outside when she's walking by, and say something like "Hi, how are you? What a great day, isn't it? Now as we are neighbors, wouldn't it be great if the kids got to see other homeschooled kids more often. Mine would love to! Would you all like to come over for a playdate next Wednesday?" I'd probably blabber something like this and smile a lot. If she is shy / introverted, she is likely to be relieved that you made the first move. Either way, you'll know for sure, and stop wondering. And please update us. :coolgleamA: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 Not everyone is a nice person. Sometimes it's that simple. I had a 'friend' who exhibited some odd behaviors. I explained everything away believing she was 'quirky' or 'introverted.' It turned out that she was just an awful, toxic person. Had I taken her behavior at face value and not believed the best of her, I would have saved myself a lot of trouble. I find MOST people to be decent and I do like to assume they mean no harm, but every now and then you will happen upon someone you really are better off not knowing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 Thanks, these seem doable, we've made good friendships with immediate neighbors, easy enough when you live next door :) Good luck, by the way. :) :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mirth Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 As, Jean said, it is okay if you don't click with people. If that's the case, it's better to realize it early on and not expend energy you could use for more satisfying relationships. Yeah. There's nothing to do. Maybe send over a baby gift when it's time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 Either not interested, very shy or socially awkward. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Excelsior! Academy Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 I tend to disagree with most of pp, unless I am missing some detail. It doesn't sound like you are reaching out to her either. Why does she have to make the first move? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 Thanks everyone, I'm going to let it be and if there is opportunity and I see her, I'll try being more direct! I think that's a good idea, but if she doesn't respond, just let it go and forget about it. One thing, though -- I used to get annoyed because I always waved at my neighbor from up the street when I drove past and saw him out in his yard. He NEVER waved back. How rude, right? Well... It turned out that the poor "rude" man was almost blind, and the reason he never waved was because he couldn't see me. He was actually a very nice man, and I had totally misjudged him. :blush: Sometimes there's a good explanation for a person's perceived lack of friendliness. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NoseInABook Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 I'd assume she's socially awkward and ask her over for a playdate so she knows you're interested in picking up a friendship. If she declines, then you know she's not interested. I'm such an awkward penguin when people catch me when I'm not expecting it so I would totally end up smiling weirdly and running away if someone surprised me on a walk. LOL Then I'd beat myself up about three blocks away when I realized I was so rude. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 Meh. I think it's hard to say, but maybe she is depressed, maybe she is grieving. Maybe she has some incredibly embarrassing thing going on in her life that "everyone" knows about including (she thinks) you. Maybe she doesn't really like you and was willing to feign warmth until she realized she was in your neighborhood and decided that she needed to make things clear. Maybe she is waiting for you to reach out. Maybe she has some hard things going on in her life that she doesn't want to talk about and so chooses to avoid people. Maybe she has had bad neighborhood experiences and chooses not to be close to people who live around her because it makes her feel threatened. Maybe she is incredibly shy unless she has been drinking, and on the other occasions you saw her, she had been drinking. Maybe she is unhappy about this pregnancy and just can't deal with it. Maybe she is worried about this pregnancy because of a past tragedy, and can't cope with another pregnant woman right now. I could go on an on. I would just be neighborly when the opportunity presents itself. Send a meal over when she delivers. Invite her to a casual gathering if one is going on. Give her a ton of space but just occasionally reach out in small ways to let her know you have a generally open feeling toward her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ewe Mama Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 Have you ever been able to have a conversation with this lady? Has she ever made responses that are more than single word answers? I knew a sweet lady for whom English was a second language and she was so tense about the idea of speaking around others and making "mistakes" that she simply clammed up. She smiled, but rarely spoke around non-family members. Perhaps you could write her a little note of congratulations on their baby and invite her over to chat. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nd293 Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 She might just be really awkward and shy. Are you willing to extend an offer to have her over for coffee and kids play date? That might help settle nerves if that is the issue. If she's really awkward and shy, try inviting her for something more active than coffee and a play date, perhaps a walk while the kids ride bikes. Think of something where you're not staring at each other feeling awkward! That will either break the ice, or it won't, and you can move on... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThisIsTheDay Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 I think my neighbors see me this way, although they don't homeschool. My husband is always chatty. I am not. I am sure they are very nice, and I wish I could easily find common ground. I don't like small talk, have no true interest in anything more than a very casual relationship. I'm SORRY!!! To all of you who know people like me and wonder why we're weird, bitchy, unfriendly, I'm really not, and I'm sorry!!!!!! (Feeling guilty here, haha.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shanvan Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 I think my neighbors see me this way, although they don't homeschool. My husband is always chatty. I am not. I am sure they are very nice, and I wish I could easily find common ground. I don't like small talk, have no true interest in anything more than a very casual relationship. I'm SORRY!!! To all of you who know people like me and wonder why we're weird, bitchy, unfriendly, I'm really not, and I'm sorry!!!!!! (Feeling guilty here, haha.) No need to apologize. I feel that way sometimes too, in fact, much more often now than I did when my kids were younger. It's the people who are continually giving off mixed signals that make me crazy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maela Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 Reading threads like these always make me feel bad because I'm sure I come off this way sometimes. Being an introvert, I don't always feel like socializing. Small talk is difficult enough when I am feeling sociable, but when I'm not it feels impossible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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