Lucy Posted May 22, 2014 Share Posted May 22, 2014 So, we have a relative that is always making comments about homeschooling vs PS to my kiddos. "You really should ask to go to PS, you are missing out on so much fun." "Your parents are soooo overprotective." "I feel bad for you - people just shouldn't homeschool for high school." "You can't possible be learning all my kids are learning." "You all should go to school now, so you can enjoy your life." Every statement is not just anti-homeschool, but are worded to make my dh and I look like fun killers. In fact this relative will do stuff with our kids that they think we'd disapprove of and then tell my kids not to tell us. It's usually stuff we totally approve of - ie. ice cream before lunch. But they says, "don't tell your parents, they'd be mad." I've instructed my kids that anyone that ever says, "Don't tell your parents," is not to be trusted, so this confuses them. I really think they just want to be the fun one and have us be the not fun ones. I've talked to my kiddos (K-8th) about why we homeschool, the benefits of each choice, the cons of each choice, and how we came to our conclusions. I've told them not to enter into an argument, and to let the comments run off their backs. The older ones can engage if they want to, but to keep in mind how much we love said relative. How do you all handle this? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathryn Posted May 22, 2014 Share Posted May 22, 2014 I wouldn't let the person around my children. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kewb Posted May 22, 2014 Share Posted May 22, 2014 I think I would have a sit down chat with said relative and set firm non-negotiable boundries. Along the lines of knock it off or we will not be spending much time with you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moxie Posted May 22, 2014 Share Posted May 22, 2014 Would you feel comfortable telling this person to go suck it?!? I would have no trust in this person and they would not be alone with my children. What next?? Here's a beer--don't tell your Mom!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trulycrabby Posted May 22, 2014 Share Posted May 22, 2014 I think I would have a sit down chat with said relative and set firm non-negotiable boundries. Along the lines of knock it off or we will not be spending much time with you. I agree! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted May 22, 2014 Share Posted May 22, 2014 I would tell them that if they have something to say to me, say it to me, not to my children. And I'd be right in the room when these conversations occur, more often than not, from then on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mirth Posted May 22, 2014 Share Posted May 22, 2014 "Aunt _______, I love you enough to stop you from embarrassing yourself further. You are wrong about what you believe about my day-to-day life. But if you think there is really a better school for me, please tell my parents about it right after you buy me some more ice cream." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrairieSong Posted May 22, 2014 Share Posted May 22, 2014 Are they making these remarks to your kids when you are not around? Not cool. I wouldn't let them be alone with my kids. If they say this stuff in your presence, I'd cut them off quick. "This is our decision. End of discussion." Maybe you need some version of "pass the bean dip." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted May 22, 2014 Share Posted May 22, 2014 I agree with everyone else. I wanted to like all of the responses, but I ran out of likes again. :glare: Why have you tolerated this behavior? Just because someone is a relative doesn't mean they can get away with saying whatever they like to your children. Tell them to knock it off or they won't be spending any more time with your kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elisabet1 Posted May 22, 2014 Share Posted May 22, 2014 Why is your child still spending time around that relative? I would never just sit there and let someone freely say those things to my children. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mama mills Posted May 22, 2014 Share Posted May 22, 2014 If anyone tries to get my kids to keep a secret from me they are out NO matter who they are. I would give the relative one warning and then they would be cut off! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amyco Posted May 22, 2014 Share Posted May 22, 2014 Oh, your children are definitely missing out on all kinds of fun in public high school...I mean, where else do you get to see people smoke pot in the bathroom, listen to foul language all day every day, see way too much PDA, witness kids routinely disrespect the teachers, watch students cheat on so many assignments and who knows what other fabulous things? And this is at a well respected 5A high school in a nationally recognized school district. My dd finally convinced me to let her finish high school at home. So yeah, your kids aren't learning everything the public school kids are...for which I would be thankful!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted May 22, 2014 Share Posted May 22, 2014 If anyone tries to get my kids to keep a secret from me they are out NO matter who they are. I would give the relative one warning and then they would be cut off! :iagree: That's a deal breaker for me, too, even if it's something minor, because if someone asks my kid to keep a secret from me, it's pretty obvious that they know full well that I wouldn't approve of whatever it is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted May 22, 2014 Share Posted May 22, 2014 How do I entertain these types of comments? I don't. My children would never be allowed around them without me around, and the minute they started in with the comments (around me), we'd leave. I'm learning how to quickly cut out toxic family members. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heatherwith4 Posted May 22, 2014 Share Posted May 22, 2014 They would get one chance to knock it off, or they wouldn't be around my kids anymore. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted May 22, 2014 Share Posted May 22, 2014 Wow, just Wow....and NO, absolutely, just NO. I assume there must be some reason you have continued to allow this relative to have access to the kids in a way they can make comments without you there. I realize that family matters can be incredibly tricky to deal with for a host of reasons. Big hugs. I know this must be very stressful. But I agree with others this needs to be addressed directly with the relative, and pretty firmly. Good grief that is just NOT appropriate. So, so sorry you are having to deal with this. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammi K Posted May 22, 2014 Share Posted May 22, 2014 We were walking through a mall yesterday where we stopped for a quick snack of soft pretzels on the way to a skating lesson. The mall contains a bowling alley and a school group was just finishing and the adults were trying to get the kids into their assigned groups. Amidst the sounds of silliness and jostling, there were parents and teachers trying to maintain order. It was only about 30 kids but it was mass chaos. I looked at ds (13) and said, "This is 'fun' school activity. Are you sure you wouldn't rather go to school instead of being home schooled.?" Without missing a beat, he looked at me and said, "Absolutely, under no circumstances would I prefer to go to school. But, thanks for asking." It was pretty funny when he said it - no hesitation, just a resounding "No." As we continued to walk outside, I asked him why and he said, "The thought of only having an hour or two to call my own in an entire 24 hour day is just way too sad. I can't even imagine it." I told him that if anyone ever tries to tell him what he's missing by not going to school, he can feel free to tell them what they are missing by not staying home! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
umsami Posted May 22, 2014 Share Posted May 22, 2014 So, if it was some random stranger, I'd probably just roll my eyes and ignore it. BUT, it seems like there is a lot more going on with this person that just the anti-homeschooling statements. I would probably sit them down and have a chat. If that didn't work, then I would severely limit contact with them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redsquirrel Posted May 22, 2014 Share Posted May 22, 2014 There are two different things going on here. #1 this person is asking your kid to keep secrets from you and #2 this person is undermining you as a parent. I think you can address them separately. The first is actually the most concerning to me. I think that one is going to be uncomfortable. You just have to flat out tell them that they are never to tell your kids to keep secrets from you or not to tell you things. You can tell them that the children have been taught that people who tell children to keep secrets from their parents or not to tell their parents thing are bad people. Tell this person that this is something all kids get told by all kinds of people, such as their doctor, and in school, and at church, and it is even in TV shows and movies. This isn't just specific to your kids, it is what kids are told by lots of authority figures. Tell them they have to stop saying things like that to your kids because it is confusing for your kids and it is going to cause problems as they get older and continue to get that message. As for #2, it does need to be addressed, but not at the same time because it would just be too much for their brain to handle. But, when you are feeling strong a quiet "Why do you say those things to kids? Every time you do that you make our lives more difficult and I don't appreciate it. It makes me not want to be around you" said over the heads of the kids might go a long way. I would prob do it at a time when there wouldn't be a lot of opportunity for them to respond. After all, it doesn't really matter what they say. And with both #1 and #2, don't argue and don't engage. You are right and they are way out of line. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
umsami Posted May 22, 2014 Share Posted May 22, 2014 Of course I'm kidding about the knocking off thing, but it's not funny after the first time. They are basically telling your kids you are a mean idiot. Wait, you were kidding? OK, now I have to unlike your post. I thought it was a totally reasonable solution. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Strawberry Posted May 22, 2014 Share Posted May 22, 2014 Another vote for never having the children around this person alone and limiting all contact as much as possible. These are stomach-turning comments,not just annoying or rude. Repulsive and deeply troubling. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loowit Posted May 22, 2014 Share Posted May 22, 2014 My SIL (brother's wife) used to make a lot of comments to my DD when DD was younger about how much she was missing out on by not going to school. It made things difficult because DD loved her aunt and thought she was the best. She is quite a bit younger than DH and I and was the "fun aunt". So DD really took what she said pretty seriously. It was irritating to me and we ended up limiting the amount of time we spent around her for a long time. Now DD is much more comfortable about being homeschooled and doesn't want to go to public school. She hears a lot about what goes on at our local schools from dance and youth group and wants nothing to do with it. Aunt hasn't said anything that I know of for a long time, but I am pretty sure DD wouldn't hesitate to stick up for herself now. I don't put up with other putting down or talking badly about my parenting choices. I just stop spending time with them. I would also never leave my child alone with anyone that would tell them to not tell me about something they did. That is a huge thing for me and not something I will put up with at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abba12 Posted May 22, 2014 Share Posted May 22, 2014 They have made it clear they don't respect you as parents and that they have no intention of following your rules when they are with the kids. The secret thing is also a massive issue for me. these relatives would not have unsupervised access with my kids any longer. I wouldn't cut them off totally, we would still see them and I might snark back at the h homeschool comments. But time alone would just not happen, I can't trust them, and I don't leave my kids with people I can't trust. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kubiac Posted May 22, 2014 Share Posted May 22, 2014 Ugh. That is so hostile. Don't tolerate it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted May 22, 2014 Share Posted May 22, 2014 To the question in your title, my kids say "I do go to school. I just go to school at home." (This is in response to clueless friends.) To the content in your actual post - this person would not be in my life anymore. This isn't about a disagreement on schooling method. This is about disrespect for you as a parent. We did have a family member who tried saying those things to my kids in front of my husband and me. He was told to "knock it off" in no uncertain terms. When he tried it again, he was told to not discuss schooling with my kids or we would not be seeing him again. He knocked it off. (He's still a bit of a jerk but at least my kids aren't getting mixed messages.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Baseball mom Posted May 22, 2014 Share Posted May 22, 2014 Agree with the others, tell them to knock it off. How old are your dc? Knowing mine when they made those comments they would answer "nope don't want to go to ps! I have fun in hs!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted May 22, 2014 Share Posted May 22, 2014 And to think I was sitting around the science teacher's lunch table today listening to "complaints" about how unfair it is that homeschoolers get to compete against public school kids in state competitions (in this case, Envirothon) because "homeschoolers don't have a schedule they have to follow, or state testing to prepare for, or "stupid" stuff they have to do, so of course they can go into far more depth learning the material, including fun field trips, etc... It's just not fair!" It was tough to not say anything. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simplemom Posted May 22, 2014 Share Posted May 22, 2014 You mentioned how much you love the relative and I believe you and dc really do. But love shouldn't override a confrontation in saying the things others mentioned above. I love my sister, but had to ask her to leave the church on my wedding day because she was being rude. She ended up staying, but it hurt that I had to confront someone I love and risk never having relationship with her again. It will be difficult to be blunt with this relative I am sure, and disappointing on all sides because I can imagine your children are fond of her. I am sure there will be hurt feelings on every side. But you can't teach your children you have to walk on tip toes around those you love just to not hurt that person's feelings. The relationship you have with this loved one is an unhealthy one, and the children will encounter all sorts of unhealthy family dynamics through life. Confronting the issue respectfully even at the risk of hurting feelings will teach your children better how to deal with issues like that, in the future in a healthy, non passive way. If the relationship is severed after a respectful confrontation with set rules for future behavior around your children, I am sorry, but in the long run it would be her loss and you will be glad your children learned how to stand up for their own family convictions when they face hard confrontations with loved ones when they have their own children. P.S. sending her multiple articles on school shootings, metal detectors in school, bomb and shooter drills in school, Oprah videos on high school hazing events leading to serious injuries or death, STD statistics, homework workload, teen pregnancy, teacher/student love flings, bullying, etc....wouldn't hurt either Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy in NH Posted May 22, 2014 Share Posted May 22, 2014 I'd cut off contact with anyone who tries to undermine my parenting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustEm Posted May 22, 2014 Share Posted May 22, 2014 They'd get one warning and then if it happened again they wouldn't be spending time with my kids while I was not there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mergath Posted May 22, 2014 Share Posted May 22, 2014 I'd tell the relative firmly to quit, and if it continued, after the next comment from said relative I'd say something like, "Well kids, I guess that takes care of the 'dealing with a$$holes' portion of our socialization today." Followed by a withering stare at the relative. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HRAAB Posted May 22, 2014 Share Posted May 22, 2014 When my children were younger, I would set firm boundaries with this relative. If they didn't respect them, they wouldn't be around my children. Nobody questions my parenting ability to my children. By the time my children were 9th grade and up, they were well able to take care of these types of comments on their own. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Lulu* Posted May 22, 2014 Share Posted May 22, 2014 Knock off the relative. This made me laugh..... Especially since my first thought on "how to respond" was - throat punch. Some of you have been a b.a.d. influence on me! :P Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 I'd tell the relative firmly to quit, and if it continued, after the next comment from said relative I'd say something like, "Well kids, I guess that takes care of the 'dealing with a$$holes' portion of our socialization today." Followed by a withering stare at the relative. BWAAAHHAAAHAAA, YOU WIN, MERGATH! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
6packofun Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 Kids say: I'm OK with homeschooling, thank you very much. Don't you think I'm turning out great? (And possibly, "Take it up with my parents." for anything after that.) I would tend to avoid people like this, family or not, but sometimes you have to and so it's good to have quick, short answers to the ready! LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucy Posted May 23, 2014 Author Share Posted May 23, 2014 I can't stop laughing! You ladies are AWESOME! Why do we still hang out? We share a family vacation spot - all summer long. And we really do love her! We've already told the kiddos not to go anywhere alone with her and they always tell us what she wants to keep secret. But often with tears - it puts them in a hard place. You guys are so right, I need to just face the problem and address it clearly instead of just keeping the peace. Next time, I'll be ready to lovingly address it. Thanks for letting me know I'm not blowing this out of proportion! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustEm Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 I can't stop laughing! You ladies are AWESOME! Why do we still hang out? We share a family vacation spot - all summer long. And we really do love her! We've already told the kiddos not to go anywhere alone with her and they always tell us what she wants to keep secret. But often with tears - it puts them in a hard place. You guys are so right, I need to just face the problem and address it clearly instead of just keeping the peace. Next time, I'll be ready to lovingly address it. Thanks for letting me know I'm not blowing this out of proportion! Don't wait till next time. You need to address it before she is able to put your children and you in that position again. It is not fair to your family that you have to have this hanging over your shoulders just waiting for her to attack again. Be kind but blunt about it. Tell her that telling your children to keep secrets from you is unacceptable behavior and will not be tolerated. Tell her that your family understand her feelings about home school since she has made it extremely clear but if she would like to talk about it further she can address all concerns to you directly when the children are not around. Tell her backhanded comments about your decision will not be tolerated but honest questions and concerns can be talked about civilly at the appropriate time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mirth Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 No one should taunt kids to the point of tears. She really is not fun at all. Hang the ice cream. Warn her someone will lash out at her next time this happens. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 There are two different things going on here. #1 this person is asking your kid to keep secrets from you and #2 this person is undermining you as a parent. This is exactly right. The important thing going on here is the process (asking for secret-keeping and undermining) not the content (homeschooling or not.) These behaviors are very serious. When she asks the kids not to tell you something, she is doing the same thing a predator does. That is not to say that she is a predator, but she is (I am sure unintentionally) getting them used to that behavior so if they ever encounter a predator it's not a red flag anymore, just a yellow one. Does that make sense? And she is upsetting your kids by putting them in the middle. Undermining the authority of a child's parents is very disturbing to a young child and again, she is training them that that behavior is okay somehow. Who usually undermines parents like that? Other teenagers. "I can't believe your mom won't let you go driving around with JJ just because he had one ticket. You're the only one who won't be having fun tonight. Tell you what. You sneak out the window and we'll pick you up at the corner." Same behavior. This is worthy of a very serious conversation. You may love her, but she is not acting in love toward your kids or towards you. Maybe she hasn't thought it through. Maybe "winning" is more important to her or whatever. Explain it carefully if you think she's just not thought about it, but then tell her how serious it is. I think you'll need to decide whether it's time to enforce consequences based on the request to keep secrets that has already happened or whether you want to say "If this ever happens again, these will be the consquences." I would not give more than one warning in this case before consequences however. This is NOT about homeschooling, so don't talk about homeschooling. Do not engage at all about it. Find some broken record response that you're comfortable with. But DO talk about the undermining and requests for secrets. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 now that I've read the whole thing - I've changed my answer to something far more serious. this is NOT about homeschooling. (see below) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theYoungerMrsWarde Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 This is exactly right. The important thing going on here is the process (asking for secret-keeping and undermining) not the content (homeschooling or not.) These behaviors are very serious. When she asks the kids not to tell you something, she is doing the same thing a predator does. That is not to say that she is a predator, but she is (I am sure unintentionally) getting them used to that behavior so if they ever encounter a predator it's not a red flag anymore, just a yellow one. Does that make sense? And she is upsetting your kids by putting them in the middle. Undermining the authority of a child's parents is very disturbing to a young child and again, she is training them that that behavior is okay somehow. Who usually undermines parents like that? Other teenagers. "I can't believe your mom won't let you go driving around with JJ just because he had one ticket. You're the only one who won't be having fun tonight. Tell you what. You sneak out the window and we'll pick you up at the corner." Same behavior. This is worthy of a very serious conversation. You may love her, but she is not acting in love toward your kids or towards you. Maybe she hasn't thought it through. Maybe "winning" is more important to her or whatever. Explain it carefully if you think she's just not thought about it, but then tell her how serious it is. I think you'll need to decide whether it's time to enforce consequences based on the request to keep secrets that has already happened or whether you want to say "If this ever happens again, these will be the consquences." I would not give more than one warning in this case before consequences however. This is NOT about homeschooling, so don't talk about homeschooling. Do not engage at all about it. Find some broken record response that you're comfortable with. But DO talk about the undermining and requests for secrets. :iagree: :iagree: :iagree: :iagree: :iagree: :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wilma Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 The kids should say every time, "you should talk with my mom about that - she loves to talk about homeschooling." The secret part is the bigger deal. By far. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomatHWTK Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 Auntie M, are you going to go to jail? Why do you ask that!!! Because my mommy says adults who ask kids to keep secrets from their parents are bad and go to jail. :glare: I understand that you have to pick your battles. As someone else mentioned, at some point your kids get old enough to know who can be trusted and in what situation. I often give my specific instructions to the older kids directly because I know they will do what I ask. I've also let this person experience a few natural consequences. "Of course the kids don't trust you Autie M, you try to get them to lie all the time." I would probably be pretty firm on the "we don't teach our kids to lie" thing though. That's just dangerous. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 Every statement is not just anti-homeschool, but are worded to make my dh and I look like fun killers. In fact this relative will do stuff with our kids that they think we'd disapprove of and then tell my kids not to tell us. It's usually stuff we totally approve of But they says, "don't tell your parents, they'd be mad." I've instructed my kids that anyone that ever says, "Don't tell your parents," is not to be trusted, How do you all handle this? take your own advice. this relative is not to be trusted. (actually - she's worse) this isn't about homeschool - it's about everything. she is undermining not only your authority - but everyone who may ever have authority over them. she is attempting to incite rebellion, with a devil may care, do what you want and lie to avoid the consequences attitude. whether she means to incite rebellion or not is irrelevant - she is attempting to. re: actions speak louder than words. I would keep my children away - and the only way in hades she'd see them is if I was present the entire time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alicia64 Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 My dad started that whole, "Uh oh, here comes your mom, better stop doing such and such" when my kids were 3. I immediately said, "please don't do that. I don't want the boys to ever see me as the bad guy." Of course it got worse and worse through the years. My dad completely ignored me. We don't see my parents anymore. Alley Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 This is exactly right. The important thing going on here is the process (asking for secret-keeping and undermining) not the content (homeschooling or not.) These behaviors are very serious. When she asks the kids not to tell you something, she is doing the same thing a predator does. That is not to say that she is a predator, but she is (I am sure unintentionally) getting them used to that behavior so if they ever encounter a predator it's not a red flag anymore, just a yellow one. Does that make sense? And she is upsetting your kids by putting them in the middle. Undermining the authority of a child's parents is very disturbing to a young child and again, she is training them that that behavior is okay somehow. Who usually undermines parents like that? Other teenagers. "I can't believe your mom won't let you go driving around with JJ just because he had one ticket. You're the only one who won't be having fun tonight. Tell you what. You sneak out the window and we'll pick you up at the corner." Same behavior. This is worthy of a very serious conversation. You may love her, but she is not acting in love toward your kids or towards you. Maybe she hasn't thought it through. Maybe "winning" is more important to her or whatever. Explain it carefully if you think she's just not thought about it, but then tell her how serious it is. I think you'll need to decide whether it's time to enforce consequences based on the request to keep secrets that has already happened or whether you want to say "If this ever happens again, these will be the consquences." I would not give more than one warning in this case before consequences however. This is NOT about homeschooling, so don't talk about homeschooling. Do not engage at all about it. Find some broken record response that you're comfortable with. But DO talk about the undermining and requests for secrets. I wish I could give you more likes - because this IS the sort of behavior a predator engages in. it is very serious. at the very least - she's teaching your kids that not only is it is no big deal to lie to YOU, it is in fact is desirable so they can have "fun" because you will keep them from having "fun". she is very scary and I would keep her the heck away from my kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 I'd tell the relative firmly to quit, and if it continued, after the next comment from said relative I'd say something like, "Well kids, I guess that takes care of the 'dealing with a$$holes' portion of our socialization today." Followed by a withering stare at the relative. :lol: :smilielol5: (and do it every time she tells them to lie too.) then go out for ice cream. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThisIsTheDay Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 In fact this relative will do stuff with our kids that they think we'd disapprove of and then tell my kids not to tell us. It's usually stuff we totally approve of - ie. ice cream before lunch. But they says, "don't tell your parents, they'd be mad." I've instructed my kids that anyone that ever says, "Don't tell your parents," is not to be trusted, so this confuses them. ... keep in mind how much we love said relative. My children (who are older teens now) would have been be terribly confused by someone who deliberately undermines our family choices and behaves in a manner that is entirely inappropriate. I would have gone to great lengths to protect my kids from that garbage, and I would have loved that relative less. It's a two way street, and I would lose a lot of respect (and love) for someone who treated my children that way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 oh - one thing I just thought of. you say how much you love her despite this behavior. child predators (not saying she is that type - but she is A type) get away with this because they're so charming and "everyone loves them". it's how they get close to "other people's children". so that when accusations finally come against them, they have a whole laundry list of people who will testify to their "good character". no matter how irrefutable the evidence. (e.g. Sandusky) eta: your warning flags are waving in the wind. heed them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elisabet1 Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 Do you have to be there all summer? I would not take my children there if it meant being around someone like this. A summer vacation spot is not usually mandatory. I say find a new spot or skip the vacations. Since you do home school, you can go before they arrive and come back after they leave. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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