JumpyTheFrog Posted April 12, 2014 Share Posted April 12, 2014 Just as the title says... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted April 12, 2014 Share Posted April 12, 2014 I wish I knew about narcisstic personality disorder. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandylubug Posted April 12, 2014 Share Posted April 12, 2014 I'm 31. I've got it all figured out :p Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandylubug Posted April 12, 2014 Share Posted April 12, 2014 Just kidding :leaving: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted April 12, 2014 Share Posted April 12, 2014 I am having such a hard time putting it into words. I think I've typed and erased about ten times. Just keep swimming sums it up, I think. Focus on peace. Stay centered. Do the next thing. Try your best. Be kind. Of course, I learned all of those things by facing the obstacles that taught them to me. Knowing them when I was 30 would have been helpful, but in a "Isn't that a nice sentiment?" kind of way. They wouldn't have been as meaningful to me then as they are now, because now I know them from having meaningful (and sometimes painful) experiences. Cat ETA: Er, not that I would know, because I am still 29. (Plus 18.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted April 12, 2014 Share Posted April 12, 2014 Don't make firm plans for your life because you don't know how things are going to turn out. Obviously have plans and goals, but watch out because people and circumstances can change. When I was 30, if someone had told me that I would end up a homeschooling mom and wife of a mid-life career changer who went from a high-paying career to a lower-paying one, I would have laughed and laughed.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lea1 Posted April 12, 2014 Share Posted April 12, 2014 I wish I had known and truly understood how much better it would be for me in my 50's if I had stayed fit and stayed out of the sun:). I know we hear it often but you just don't really understand what it is like until you are experiencing it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandylubug Posted April 12, 2014 Share Posted April 12, 2014 Well, I don't know what I need to know at this age but I will tell you questions that run through my head daily: Why do we live in a cave and never come out? I've lived in my cave so long, my eyes require sunglasses even on sunny days! Why do we as society accept the lifestyle of working 5+ days a week, away from home, just so we can pay for the big houses and new cars that we can't enjoy because we are busy working. Wouldn't it be simpler to grow our own food and become more self sufficient so we don't have to work so much? What is life's purpose in the eyes of society if we are always striving to pay for our stuff? Why not strive to have debt free stuff and then enjoy it? Why do we experience life through our phones and cameras? Why not put up the electronics and experience it first hand? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luckymama Posted April 12, 2014 Share Posted April 12, 2014 ...that your parents can be gone long before you are ready. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaMere Academy Posted April 12, 2014 Share Posted April 12, 2014 To follow my gut instinct more and not worry about pleasing others. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laundrycrisis Posted April 12, 2014 Share Posted April 12, 2014 I didn't become a parent until age 33. Something I had no understanding of, and that I am still working to figure out, is the whole parental pecking order thing. I wish I had understood that it is socially just like middle school all over again !!! And it all starts with infancy - new parents don't even get a couple of years before they are affected by it all. From the word go, we are compared and judged and profiled and socially ranked by other parents. The cliques and alliances form, the gossip flies, backs are stabbed and crappy targeted remarks are launched like arrows. I wish I had been more prepared for it all, so I wouldn't have found it so hurtful. This book has helped somewhat: http://www.amazon.com/Queen-Moms-Kingpin-Dads-Make/dp/1400083001 I think I will start giving new parents a copy of this along with their baby gift. I have tried my best to ignore it all, to gravitate toward nice people and away from mean ones, not ever lower myself, etc. But the sad reality is that our kids have been hurt socially because I can't fit myself very well into the mommy social system. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaMere Academy Posted April 12, 2014 Share Posted April 12, 2014 I wish I had known and truly understood how much better it would be for me in my 50's if I had stayed fit and stayed out of the sun:). I know we hear it often but you just don't really understand what it is like until you are experiencing it. I'm with you on that and SUNSCREEN. I have sun spots on my face now :( Use sunscreen you youngsters, especially a good facial sunscreen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scootiepie Posted April 12, 2014 Share Posted April 12, 2014 1. Sunblock is your friend. 2. Don't wait so long to have babies. 3. Love your job, if you don't change direction while you still can. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandylubug Posted April 12, 2014 Share Posted April 12, 2014 I could answer most of those questions. We don't have a big house and new cars yet my husband still has to go to work 5 days a week because we have to pay for very unsexy things like health insurance, dental bills, utilities, and food (although food can be sexy). I would die quickly if we had to rely on food we grew. Not everyone lives in a place where this is possible. I have the thought that this is my one short life and after this that is it so I want to enjoy living in my own home now rather than saving up to enjoy it when I'm old or dead. I have a prepaid dumb phone that sits in a drawer. My point being there are explanations for these things and there is no rule you have to have a smart phone. I admit I do spend too much time in my cave. I am a major introvert though. I agree with you. We do live in a smaller home and I do kill everything I try to grow, ha ha. I am also an introvert. I like my cave, it is comfy. There are days I tell myself, I must get out and experience the world. Not necessarily experience people, but the actual trees, birds, clouds, grass, bugs, etc... I suppose I just dream of a time where the 5+ days a week of work wasn't what was required to live. I understand the need or luxury for insurance, utilities, technology... I still long for the simplicity of NOT having to pay for those things, though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ethel Mertz Posted April 12, 2014 Share Posted April 12, 2014 Let people know when you are thinking of them. Write that note, make that phone call, visit your loved ones as often as you can, and don't forget to say "I love you." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thescrappyhomeschooler Posted April 12, 2014 Share Posted April 12, 2014 That you still won't have everything figured out in your 40's and 50's. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted April 12, 2014 Share Posted April 12, 2014 That time with your kids would fly by. But we sort of knew it then and I'm glad we slowed down to enjoy it as the memories are priceless. We opted out of the traditional rat race when I was 32, so close enough. Many of my favorite life lessons are in my sig... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted April 12, 2014 Share Posted April 12, 2014 I'm 34 and can think of nothing much useful that I know now and didn't know at 30. My 20 year old self would have been shocked by how little self knowledge people can have. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted April 12, 2014 Share Posted April 12, 2014 I wish I would have stayed more fit and exercised and watched my diet better then. I also wish that we had saved more for retirement. Those extra $5-10 a week could have really added up over the years and we would not have missed them. Really wish we would have started retirement savings in our early 20s. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kari C in SC Posted April 12, 2014 Share Posted April 12, 2014 My 30s were the absolute hardest days of my life. I had a tremendous amount of blessings in that decade of my life, but I had my most painful days of having my sister-in-law and son die tragically. I think I would tell my 30 year old self that there were going to be some of the toughest days ahead, but that I only had to get through them moment to moment. What is is that Winnie the Pooh says? "Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." Those words are a huge part of the things I needed to learn and believe. And absolutely love the people in your life because only God knows their days here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happymom4 Posted April 12, 2014 Share Posted April 12, 2014 I wish I had known and truly understood how much better it would be for me in my 50's if I had stayed fit and stayed out of the sun:). I know we hear it often but you just don't really understand what it is like until you are experiencing it. I'll never let my DH read this :). He is a health and fitness professional and is in crazy good shape and often has to "remind" me to stay focused of healthy eating and to keep moving. I'm on a roll right now but its too easy to drop that ball. This gives me a little more motivation to stay committed to it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted April 12, 2014 Share Posted April 12, 2014 I wish I hadn't believed there'd be a cure for epilepsy by now. :crying: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted April 13, 2014 Share Posted April 13, 2014 I wish I had told myself NOT to agree to move across the country for a "2 year period." It has been 9 years and we aren't moving back. DH and the kids love it here. :crying: Oh, and don't quit your job, ever. You will start homeschooling and never be able to get back to your previous life. At 30 I had been married one year, had no kids, and worked full time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted April 13, 2014 Share Posted April 13, 2014 Don't put off the traveling you want to do. Live minimally and go experience the world before you knees hurt, before you get grey hair, before you need bifocals. If you have kids, use them as a reason not an excuse. Strap them on your back, if they're old enough teach them how to pack a suitcase and roll it themselves. Ds still has the tiny rolling suitcase he used when we flew to Florida when he was 3. He rolled it through the airport all by himself. I have tons of pictures of ds in these wonderful places around the country, but we never got to so many trips because it became less of a priority. It may have been someone here that said it, but the memory of travel is one thing you can't lose. Education is another and there is no better education than getting your child (and yourself) outside of your circle for a while. The world is a wonderfully beautiful and diverse place naturally and in people. Sometimes, it's good for us all to realize we are not at the center of it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nd293 Posted April 13, 2014 Share Posted April 13, 2014 Do what you do for yourself. If you are a good friend, a good wife, a good mother, do it because you want to do it, not because you expect reciprocal behaviour from others. Take what others give of themselves gratefully, but don't expect others to be responsible for making you happy or fulfilled - your journey is your journey and no one else's. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cammie Posted April 13, 2014 Share Posted April 13, 2014 Get out of law school now!! Figure out what you really WANT to do and do that. Don't quit your job. Figure out a way to balance your dreams and your children's needs. Sell that house now, the market is about to collapse! Buy some Facebook stock with the proceeds. Forgive your father now for the divorce.. otherwise it will take you ten years and lots of heartache. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted April 13, 2014 Share Posted April 13, 2014 That people can have different opinions from me and not be wrong. I really believed the world was black and white. I have discovered that there is grey. That idea used to be preposterous to me, but it's true. I used to think that people who believed in the grey had sold out. They were not committed to something. They were wafflers. But it turns out there is grey and it's ok. I'm not sure this is something you can just "tell" someone who is 30 about life, but maybe it's just a hope for a future filled with greater understanding: I am very self-aware now. I can sit back, consider an emotional reaction to something, and figure out spot on why I had it. Recent scenarios: "Why does that guy at church bother me so much?" (Because he's loud and boisterous and I'm afraid he'll get too close and I'll be the center of attention with him--something I very much don't want.) "Why am I angry at the kids?" (I'm not angry. I'm afraid. I'm reacting from a place of fear.) Life is so much easier when you can get to the real, true root of a feeling and work from there. With this self-awareness, I am also more aware of what is making other people tick, too. I can see them with more compassion now, since I see their fears and anxieties and wants clearer. I used to dream of the day when I would understand myself and those around me. And I'm glad I no longer see only black and white. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MedicMom Posted April 13, 2014 Share Posted April 13, 2014 It's only been two and a half years, but this is what I would say: Tell your husband not to take the job. The time and energy they will want is not worth the promised money. It will destroy his love for his work and ruin him physically. I know he's not in a stable work situation, but stay the course. Don't go for the money; it's not worth what you will give up for it. And when his company, out of the blue, offers you a position, smile and turn it down gracefully. Don't take it either, no matter how tempting their offer. Enjoy this pregnancy. Treasure every time that baby moves, every stretch mark and pound gained. You don't know this, either, but you will not be able to have more babies after she is born. Don't take anything for granted. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommymilkies Posted April 13, 2014 Share Posted April 13, 2014 There's a whole lot more I wish I knew when I was 15. I'm 30 now, and while I know I don't know anything, the super big things have already passed and put me through trial by fire at this point. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mergath Posted April 13, 2014 Share Posted April 13, 2014 I'm exactly thirty, so as the target audience for this, I'll be following this thread closely. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stars Posted April 13, 2014 Share Posted April 13, 2014 Myfunnybunch said (sorry, the quote got messed up in transit): "Of course, I learned all of those things by facing the obstacles that taught them to me. Knowing them when I was 30 would have been helpful, but in a "Isn't that a nice sentiment?" kind of way. They wouldn't have been as meaningful to me then as they are now, because now I know them from having meaningful (and sometimes painful) experiences." I wish I could teach my 30yo self to cultivate more compassion for others, but I absolutely agree with the above quote that it's the living through experiences which taught me its importance. Of course my 30yo self would agree that compassion is an important quality! But she wouldn't have understood it the way that I mean it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhotoGal Posted April 13, 2014 Share Posted April 13, 2014 Get yourself in those pictures with your young kids! (Still need to take this advice). I know you think you don't look too great and you need to lose weight and all that. Years from now you will look back at those pictures and think you look great! And your kids will love to see pictures of you with them when they were little. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peaceful Isle Posted April 13, 2014 Share Posted April 13, 2014 I would tell my 30 year old self: Enjoy your babies more, they grow up so fast. Be happy with who you are as a person, and stop comparing yourself to others. Be honest about what you want out of life. Stop trying to please others. Stop trying to be the perfect daughter, it will never be good enough...be the authentic you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
edelweiss Posted April 13, 2014 Share Posted April 13, 2014 I would tell my 30 year old self to enjoy every single minute of my children's early years. The time will go by so fast and life will never be that good again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MolleenCarie Posted April 13, 2014 Share Posted April 13, 2014 I'm 32. Here is what I have learned about life in general since turning 30: God has a plan and it is better than yours. Stop procrastinating the little tasks. Enjoy life one day at a time and stop waiting for ____ to happen. Here is a specific: Bring Lizzie with you to Okinawa. (Lizzie is my cat.) At 15, I wish I had known the following about life in general: Your life will be much harder and less glamorous than you're expecting, but so much more fulfilling and worthwhile than what you are dreaming of. A specific thing I wish I knew at 15: Learn Japanese. I wouldn't want to know more than that, bc all my mistakes led me here, and it is a good place to be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ElizabethB Posted April 13, 2014 Share Posted April 13, 2014 I am with mommymilkies, it is the teenage self that needs to know stuff, but probably wouldn't listen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pod's mum Posted April 13, 2014 Share Posted April 13, 2014 It will not get better, grab your toddler and RUN. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eternalsummer Posted April 13, 2014 Share Posted April 13, 2014 It will not get better, grab your toddler and RUN. lol I have the same feeling about my 20 year old self; at the time I thought the one baby/toddler was sooo much work! Now we have 4 (8, 5, 2, and 1) and it is not easier. It is more full, though. I'm just about to turn 30, so listening closely :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted April 13, 2014 Share Posted April 13, 2014 I'll let you know when I'm 30, lol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted April 13, 2014 Share Posted April 13, 2014 I wish I knew....not to be passive about something that mattered to me, unless I was willing to Also accept the behavior getting worse. When I was 30, someone close to me had an obvious habit starting, I chose to look past it and didn't really have an problem with this minor issue. Unfortunately, this would turn into resentment 13 years later when the person is still doing the same thing, but is 10x worse. I am so exhausted by everything else in my life right now, that I don't even have the strength to worry about it. Now I am just passive and resentful. :banghead: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted April 13, 2014 Share Posted April 13, 2014 It means my children LOVE homeschooling and since my 16 year old has somewhat severe LDs and Aspergers, I don't feel that throwing him in school right now is fair to him. The other kids beg me to continue HSing as well. If I had started them out in school, they wouldn't have known the difference. I can go back into my field, in fact, I have a standing job offer back at my old job, in California! Dawn Does this mean you want to stop homeschooling and go back to work but are pressured to keep homeschooling or just don't know how to get back in your field, etc.? I quit my only job in my field so we could move where dh had an unpaid practicum he said was necessary for school. It was bittersweet. But I don't regret it. I had no upward mobility at that job. I never would have guessed I'd later be homeschooling. I enjoy it more than working a stressful 40+ hours a week job. I interviewed for a job in my field shortly before the school year (if I got the job we would have sent ds to a private school). I didn't get the job... and I was relieved. I don't know if I will want to go back to work anytime soon or how hard it will be to get a job and that used to make me sad but lately it doesn't. Of course, I am 31 so I don't think this question is something I can answer yet? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted April 13, 2014 Share Posted April 13, 2014 I DO say I don't love it here, but I am the only one in the family so it doesn't seem to matter. I miss my job, I miss living where we were living, I miss my old life. Dawn Awww...I can relate somewhat. Tis true that I made a choice to homeschool and I don't think I can stop until I've finished the job. And I moved far. DH likes it better here. The kids are settled here. I wouldn't dare mention I don't love it here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Classic Mom Posted April 13, 2014 Share Posted April 13, 2014 Don't put off having the next baby. Fertility really decreases in your 30s (even if you got pregnant easily in your 20s). Somehow, I knew the stats, but didn't think if would effect me. Push for answers when your kid has a health problem even when the experts are telling you it is nothing--you are right. Listen with more openness to those crazy homeschoolers.....they aren't as nuts as you think. Buy John Holt's books, The Well Trained Mind, and Dumbing us Down now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted April 13, 2014 Share Posted April 13, 2014 I wish I had told myself NOT to agree to move across the country for a "2 year period." It has been 9 years and we aren't moving back. DH and the kids love it here. :crying: Oh, and don't quit your job, ever. You will start homeschooling and never be able to get back to your previous life. At 30 I had been married one year, had no kids, and worked full time. When we moved across country, it was to be for 4 years. It's coming up on 7 now. None of us love it here, but our life is here now. I've come to realize that a lot of people are living in places they don't like, because that's where the work is, or family who need help, or whatever reason. Still, it's hard, some times harder than others. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted April 13, 2014 Share Posted April 13, 2014 I am so exhausted by everything else in my life right now, that I don't even have the strength to worry about it. Now I am just passive and resentful. :banghead: I'm sorry. :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted April 13, 2014 Share Posted April 13, 2014 Why do we as society accept the lifestyle of working 5+ days a week, away from home, just so we can pay for the big houses and new cars that we can't enjoy because we are busy working. Wouldn't it be simpler to grow our own food and become more self sufficient so we don't have to work so much? Well... the people I know who are trying to be self sufficient and who are working to grow their own food definitely work a lot more than a typical 8 hours/5 days week. And then there is the fact that some people are really good at something other than growing their own food and love spending many hours doing that... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momto10blessings Posted April 13, 2014 Share Posted April 13, 2014 I was just 30 five years ago, but I would tell myself... Don't eat all that chocolate!! Don't gain so much weight with pregnancy. It's harder to lose weight at 35 than at 30. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crimson Wife Posted April 13, 2014 Share Posted April 13, 2014 What I wish that I had known at 30 wasn't so much about age but rather that I turned 30 about 9 months before the Great Recession started. We had a feeling that the real estate bubble was going to burst like the dot.com stock bubble had a few years earlier, which is one reason that we didn't buy a home. But we had no idea the absolute mess DH's industry would become, how long the lousy economy would last, and how it's looking like it may never fully recover. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommymilkies Posted April 13, 2014 Share Posted April 13, 2014 I am with mommymilkies, it is the teenage self that needs to know stuff, but probably wouldn't listen. IDK, if I would have known your organs can fall out of your vajayjay after birth, how you can lose all of the employable skills you have if you take even a short break from work, or how much of a PITA fixing a house was, I'd at least probably have done a double take. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted April 13, 2014 Share Posted April 13, 2014 That I needed that job like I needed a gunshot to the head. I was out of there at 31 anyways so no real harm done. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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