Mergath Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 A little backstory first: Our car went kaput. Specifically the transmission, and because the car is worth less than the cost of a new transmission, we're just going to sell it for parts and get a new (well, new to us) car. Our credit is craptastic thanks to our medical bills, so instead of getting a car loan and paying a horrendous interest rate, we're going to walk/bike during spring and summer and save cash for a car. It's not really a big deal, as dh lives just down a gorgeous paved walking trail from his job, and our town is awesome and everything we need- grocery stores, library, playgrounds, etc.- is very close. Except dd's activities like bowling and her play group. We had to opt out of her activities for the rest of the year because it would be a huge hassle (or some cases, downright unsafe) to bike to them. And with school not out until June and the playgrounds completely empty, the opportunities for her to interact with other kids are few and far between right now. Keep in mind that she's also an only child. So while I was having a phone meeting with her speech therapist and an aide through the school, they mentioned that the school does a thing where kids ages four through six with any kind of IEP can go to the school just for lunchtime and a fun activity afterward, then come home again. It's three days a week, for two hours each time. Totally free, and they would even pick her up on a bus and bring her home again after. It ends at the end of May, so by the time they get it all set up she'd only end up going for a month. I hesitantly agreed, because I figured it would be a good way to bridge the gap until all the kids are out of school and I can turn her loose at the playground every afternoon. She could also do her speech therapy while she's there, which we'd otherwise have to put on hold because the school is way out on a highway that's not safe to bike to. But I'm kind of nervous about it. She wouldn't be registered as a pser or anything like that, but something about putting her on a bus three days a week makes me nervous, even if she'll be coming back in a couple hours. And I know, she's the age where most kids are going off to Kindergarten all day, but she's just so little. I'm going to be a nervous wreck the whole time she's gone. What if she chokes on her food? Or wanders off? Or gets bullied by another kid in the little lunch group? (Yes, I do have OCD, in case you were wondering. ;) ) Also, the school is extremely not hsing-friendly. We were actually planning on switching to private ST after this year because I'm sick of dealing with these people. But the teacher who does the actual lunch thing is quite nice, and the mean ones aren't involved with it at all, beyond recommending it to people who might find it useful. So please tell me that I'm not a terrible mother who is betraying the entire ideology of the hsing movement if I let my kid go to the school and eat junky lunches three days a week for a month so she can see another human being besides me and dh. :o Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twoxcell Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 No you are not a terrible mother. It sounds like you are a very thoughtful mother to me. Honestly I wouldn't do it though. It would be far to stressful for me. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 Yes, I would do it in those circumstances. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mergath Posted March 25, 2014 Author Share Posted March 25, 2014 No you are not a terrible mother. It sounds like you are a very thoughtful mother to me. Honestly I wouldn't do it though. It would be far to stressful for me. ;) Lol, that's the only argument I really have against it, is that it'll stress ME out. Dh thinks it's a great idea, and dd heard about it and can't wait to go because she's sick of hanging out with boring grownups all day. :P But telling her she can't go because Mommy doesn't have enough Ativan to get through it seems kind of selfish. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 Do you think you'd be nervous every single time or just the first time? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mergath Posted March 25, 2014 Author Share Posted March 25, 2014 Do you think you'd be nervous every single time or just the first time? I honestly don't know. I know I'll be more nervous the first time, but with my OCD/anxiety issues, I don't think I'll ever get to the point where I can just merrily send her on her way and not be the least bit bothered. But I know she'll have a blast. I'm the only one with separation anxiety. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1GirlTwinBoys Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 I really don't think this is a wrong or right situation. It's just what you personally can handle and feel comfortable with to what's best for you DD. That really doesn't help much though, does it??? :huh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammi K Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 You're not being a terrible mother. You're making the best decision for right now based on what you have available - right now. In time your situation will, no doubt, change and you can re-evaluate your decision and make the best one based on what you know then. Cut yourself some slack. Do the best you can with what you have. Hang in there, Mama. :thumbup1: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twoxcell Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 Lol, that's the only argument I really have against it, is that it'll stress ME out. Dh thinks it's a great idea, and dd heard about it and can't wait to go because she's sick of hanging out with boring grownups all day. :p But telling her she can't go because Mommy doesn't have enough Ativan to get through it seems kind of selfish. Hehe, I'm sure it would be fine once she does it. Can you try it and then pull her from the program if it doesn't work out? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mergath Posted March 25, 2014 Author Share Posted March 25, 2014 Hehe, I'm sure it would be fine once she does it. Can you try it and then pull her from the program if it doesn't work out? Yup, I can end it anytime if it doesn't work out. Or cut back to fewer days a week. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
busymama7 Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 I would do it in these circumstances but I get it. My almost four year old at the time went to developmental pre k an had to ride a bus due to scheduling issues with the other kids stuff. I was nervous and I hated sending him but it was fine. He made leaps and bounds with his development and I still believe it was the right thing even though I don't believe in pre k or public school in general. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 I think you have good reasons for doing this. In the same situation I would. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meena Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 Think about why you choose to homeschool--is it because of an idealistic notion or is it choosing what you feel will serve your child best? I think it's safe to assume it's the latter. :) So no Scarlet A (or in this case HS?) for you if you choose the public school option for a time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slache Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 I would send her, but if it makes you miserable it's not worth it. I used to love my motorcycle and you can get them for close to nothing. Just throwing that out there... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janie Grace Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 I'd give it a try. It sounds like a great option, honestly. No, it does not mean you are a bad homeschooling mom to give it a try! It means you're open to all kinds of ways to enrich your kid's life. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
school17777 Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 My 5yo is in a hybrid program at the school and goes to school for recess, snack, and either art, music, or gym. She goes 3 x in a 6 day cycle. It works very well for us. Dd is much younger than her siblings, so it is nice for her to be around kids her own age a couple of times a week. I bet you will only be stressed in the first time or two. Both of you will get used to it real fast. It sounds like a really good opportunity and meets your needs on several levels. If you/she don't end up liking it, you can pull her out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mergath Posted March 25, 2014 Author Share Posted March 25, 2014 Think about why you choose to homeschool--is it because of an idealistic notion or is it choosing what you feel will serve your child best? I think it's safe to assume it's the latter. :) So no Scarlet A (or in this case HS?) for you if you choose the public school option for a time. Just to clarify, she wouldn't actually be attending a public school as a student. It's a sort of extracurricular thing for kids who want to get in some practice with their speech and social skills. Kind of like a socialization club that meets over lunch. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Lulu* Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 Under the circumstances you listed..... I absolutely would do it. Although, IMHO, not doing it wouldn't be some great travesty, so maybe I am less than helpful on this one! I think sometimes the decisions that are between acceptable options are the most agonizing; in those situations second guessing ourselves can be all too easy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mergath Posted March 25, 2014 Author Share Posted March 25, 2014 I would send her, but if it makes you miserable it's not worth it. I used to love my motorcycle and you can get them for close to nothing. Just throwing that out there... Lmao, I do believe my dh would divorce me if I so much as suggested riding around on a motorcycle with dd on the back. :lol: He's not a fan of my car-driving skills on a good day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 Sure, definitely! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 If your dd wants to do it, I would do this in a hot second. I sent my 13 year old to public school three hour preschool for kids with special needs when he was 3-5 years old. He really got a lot out if it. (((Hugs))) for your anxiety. I understand. It hurt me to leave my sweet guy, but I made myself do it. Ten years later, I can say it was the right thing to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 Over protective mom of an only child here......I might struggle with it but I think you should do it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthwestMom Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 I would do it. It's hard every time they take a step away form us and into an independent life, but that's what they are born to do. :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthwestMom Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 I would do it. It's hard every time they take a step away from us and into an independent life, but that's what they are born to do. :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tohru Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 My eldest was an only for a long time so I understand that feeling of protecting and also wanting your dear one to have other friends to play with. However, it's only a month so honestly, I would not do it. The idea sounds great in theory.... have you considered that the other children have been hanging out for the entire school year together, are all those children going back to public school next year? Will she be doing the program next year too? What exactly is the benefit (other than she sees children her age a few times)? In the long run, what would she get out of it? A month of hanging out with just mom and dad, biking, exploring, that sounds like a fun time that would build a stronger foundation for later years rather than the "socialization." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MercyA Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 I don't think it will cause her any irreparable harm to interact mostly with you and your husband for the next few months. I personally wouldn't send her, and I wouldn't feel guilty about it. ;) On the other hand, I don't think it would necessarily be wrong to send her if she's enthusiastic about it. Would she let you know if there are any problems? Sorry about your car! :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 Can you try it, but stop if it continues to feel upsetting to you or to her? Sometimes I have a tremendous urge to lock my children in the house and never let them out, so I do understand. I've needed a lot of support as I let my children into the larger world. Camp sucks emotional balls for me, but I let them go. Trips abroad suck, but they do that as well. When one of mine was 4, this little thing called Lunch Bunch made me crazy (which sounds exactly like what you're talking about), but my kid begged because his friends liked it and wanted him to play too, so I relented. I barely left the parking lot at first. lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 Yes, I would do it. My kid brother was bused to his preschool at age 2-3. He loved every minute of it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mergath Posted March 25, 2014 Author Share Posted March 25, 2014 My eldest was an only for a long time so I understand that feeling of protecting and also wanting your dear one to have other friends to play with. However, it's only a month so honestly, I would not do it. The idea sounds great in theory.... have you considered that the other children have been hanging out for the entire school year together, are all those children going back to public school next year? Will she be doing the program next year too? What exactly is the benefit (other than she sees children her age a few times)? In the long run, what would she get out of it? A month of hanging out with just mom and dad, biking, exploring, that sounds like a fun time that would build a stronger foundation for later years rather than the "socialization." I don't know much about the other kids in the program, except that they also have IEPs. I think she would benefit by having some practice with other kids. She's great at talking to grownups, but she's a little awkward around other kids. Not nervous exactly, just not quite sure how to approach them. So we try to get her into situations where she can interact with peers to hopefully help her feel more comfortable with them. She would be eligible to do the program again next year if she wanted to, but obviously we'll see how this one month goes and take it from there. She's with dh and I twenty-four seven, so she'll still see us plenty even if we choose to do this. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dory Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 I would do it, and yes I would need Ativan for the first couple days. I have found it hard letting the kids go to any of those sorts of things, but it's good for them and I'm the grown up. So if one of us has to pull it together and grit the teeth, it has to be me, not the kid. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mergath Posted March 25, 2014 Author Share Posted March 25, 2014 Can you try it, but stop if it continues to feel upsetting to you or to her? Sometimes I have a tremendous urge to lock my children in the house and never let them out, so I do understand. I've needed a lot of support as I let my children into the larger world. Camp sucks emotional balls for me, but I let them go. Trips abroad suck, but they do that as well. When they were little, this little thing called Lunch Bunch made me crazy (which sounds exactly like what you're talking about), but my kid begged and I relented. I barely left the parking lot at first. lol Yup. I wouldn't even have considered it if I had to commit to the whole thing. I can pull her anytime if she doesn't like it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 Oh totally yes. Both my kids went to very part time preschool and it was great. They LOVED it. School wasn't an issue until they want to strap my 5 year old boy down all day to crank out paperwork. Sounds fun and like a nice bridging activity for her. :) I wouldn't think you were nuts or anything if you didn't chose to do it of course. But honestly, if I could find a program NOW at 9 and 13 my kids could go to 3 days a week for a couple hours a pop to socialize, eat lunch, and do crafts, I'd jump on it. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amira Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 I think it sounds like a great opportunity for many reasons. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 If the school wasn't going to hassle you about homeschooling and your dd wasn't going to *Break Her Heart* when the activity finished up, I'd think it sounded pretty good. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heatherwith4 Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 Ok, I'm just being honest here. I wouldn't put my 5 yo on a school bus. However, that's just me, and I haven't been in your situation. And I don't think that it's horrible to send her, especially since it's not a long-term commitment. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mergath Posted March 25, 2014 Author Share Posted March 25, 2014 If the school wasn't going to hassle you about homeschooling and your dd wasn't going to *Break Her Heart* when the activity finished up, I'd think it sounded pretty good. Well, they won't get any chances beyond what they normally do to hassle me, at least. Unless they pin a note onto dd's shirt that says, "She'll never learn the necessary social skills!!!" before they send her home each day. ;) I hope she doesn't get her heart broken at the end. :( If she makes any really good friends while she's there, I'll try to get phone numbers and arrange playdates. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dory Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 Just to add, as much as I hated the school bus, all three of my kids thought it was one of the best parts of going to school and would actually cry if I drove them in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mergath Posted March 25, 2014 Author Share Posted March 25, 2014 Just to add, as much as I hated the school bus, all three of my kids thought it was one of the best parts of going to school and would actually cry if I drove them in. The school bus is actually one of the selling points for me, though I'm nervous about it. :) Dd has no interest in going to a public school (as a regular student, I mean) but oh my god does she ever want to ride on a school bus. This is probably the only chance she'll get, and I know she'll think that part of it is amazing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 I sent my second child to developmental preschool when my first had never gone to school. I sent my first to high school after homeschooling k-8. In both cases, agonizing over the decision was FAR more stressful than actually sending them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SeaConquest Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 As long as she won't be heartbroken when it ends, I would do it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nart Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 Have you asked if you can ride on the school bus with her and wait for her the first day or two (you could bring a book to read or you could ask if you could volunteer to help out)? I have a feeling they might say no but the bus driver might welcome an extra adult on the bus. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 Well, they won't get any chances beyond what they normally do to hassle me, at least. Unless they pin a note onto dd's shirt that says, "She'll never learn the necessary social skills!!!" before they send her home each day. ;) I hope she doesn't get her heart broken at the end. :( If she makes any really good friends while she's there, I'll try to get phone numbers and arrange playdates. I think you might be worrying too far in advance. (I know this because I would have done the exact same thing when my ds was 5!) Since she really wants to try it, I think you should consider letting her go one time and see how it works -- both for her and for you. If either of you has any problem with it, let it be a one-time experience and leave it at that. Otherwise, keep letting her go until there's a reason to keep her at home -- but maybe just once a week or something, if that would be better for you. Try not to over-think it. If it was a one-day, one-time thing, I'll bet you'd have a much easier time letting her go, but the idea that it's a frequent thing may be what is causing you so much anxiety. That said, there is always a chance that once she starts going, she might start wanting to go to "real school" next year, so if you're sure you want to keep homeschooling, that's definitely something to consider. One last thing -- if you let her do this, do it because it will be fun, not because she needs help with socialization. If the socialization thing is your primary reason for thinking about doing this, please know that she doesn't need a formal program for that, especially at her age. My final bit of advice for you is that you should do whatever feels best to you. Even if it sounds amazing, if you have any red flags waving in your mind about it, don't do it. She's only 5, and she has years and years to learn "socialization" skills. You're her mom and only you know what's best for your dd. In the grand scheme of things, you can't really make a bad decision here. This isn't a monumentally important thing. If she does it, it'll be fun or it won't be fun. If she doesn't do it, she won't really be losing anything, either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perogi Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 I would probably do it. I sent my oldest to preschool and my middle to a one day a week kindergarten program at a private school. I wish I could have done something similar for my youngest. Now, I was 100% comfortable with the teachers so that helped a great deal. If you have any reason not to trust the adults interacting with your dd that would make me uncomfortable. Also, I've learned over the years to trust my gut. Well, I'm still learning. But every time I go against my gut I regret it. If for some reason your gut still says no and you think it has more than your own anxiety as a source, I would keep her home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mergath Posted March 25, 2014 Author Share Posted March 25, 2014 Thanks everyone, I'm feeling much less hyperventilatish now. :) I think I'll definitely let her try it, but pull her if it doesn't go well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiramisu Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 In my mind it comes down to what would make her happy and your comfort level. I think you're making a good decision. I would also be inclined to try it, and go from there. Sometimes the hs-unfriendliness comes from ungrounded suspicion or even bad experiences, perhaps this will be an opportunity to build a better relationships for future opportunities that could benefit you and your dd. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8circles Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 I think that's a good plan. I would have similar anxiety issues about it but I do think it sounds like a good opportunity. I hope it turns out to be a good fit for her and for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lolly Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 For one month, no, wouldn't consider it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ebrindam Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 I would not. However, I have two boys in public school and I'm just so done with the whole thing. I don't think there's any harm in it, but IF it goes well there is a possibility she will then not want to homeschool, especially since she is getting the "fun" parts of school and not the harder parts by being there such a short time. JMO. Good luck with whatever you decide to do! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in Neverland Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 Ok, I'm just being honest here. I wouldn't put my 5 yo on a school bus. However, that's just me, and I haven't been in your situation. And I don't think that it's horrible to send her, especially since it's not a long-term commitment. :) Some of the most awful things I have ever experienced or witnessed happened while I was riding the bus to and from school. Will she be on the bus with a large number of kids? Kids a lot older than she is? How long is the drive? Those things would worry me more than her going to a public school for a few hours a week. Can you attend with her and observe the first time to see the program in action and see how she reacts? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mergath Posted March 25, 2014 Author Share Posted March 25, 2014 I would not. However, I have two boys in public school and I'm just so done with the whole thing. I don't think there's any harm in it, but IF it goes well there is a possibility she will then not want to homeschool, especially since she is getting the "fun" parts of school and not the harder parts by being there such a short time. JMO. Good luck with whatever you decide to do! I've explained to her that attending the public school as an actual student isn't an option until she's in high school (unforeseen circumstances aside, of course). She likes being hsed and said she doesn't want to go to the ps, so I'm not too worried about it. She knows there's a big difference between having lunch at the school and spending all day there in a classroom. She's done other stuff she loved at this same school, like a weekly playgroup and some other activities, and we haven't had any issues with those as far as her not wanting to be hsed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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