acsnmama Posted March 14, 2014 Share Posted March 14, 2014 I'm pregnant with our 4th. We know our family will be less than thrilled. They have made the typical comments with our last pregnancy: "Haven't you figured out what causes that?" "You know there are procedures that will ensure it doesn't happen again!" "All he has to do is look at you and you're pregnant!" "3 kids are very expensive, think about how you have to pay for their college!" When we announced our 3rd, my SIL said, "oh" (but it sounded like EW). We've also mentioned a possible 4th baby in the past, just for the response and have gotten ugly looks... I KNOW it doesn't matter what they think, but I can't help but feel a little defeated knowing that responses aren't going to be great. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenn- Posted March 14, 2014 Share Posted March 14, 2014 If they are not local, then skip announcing the pregnancy and just send out baby announcements. If they are local and they are your DH's family, have him deal with them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reign Posted March 14, 2014 Share Posted March 14, 2014 That happened to us too. I'm sorry you have to go through that. I'm happy for you! I LOVE babies. You could tell people over the phone and just keep the calls short. After the initial shock my family mellowed their comments! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
celticmom Posted March 14, 2014 Share Posted March 14, 2014 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NASDAQ Posted March 14, 2014 Share Posted March 14, 2014 :grouphug: been there. Congratulations on your wonderful news. My fourth is the clear family favourite. She makes every day better and is worth every cent she'll cost us for college. I'm sure yours is going to be awesome too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MollyAnn Posted March 14, 2014 Share Posted March 14, 2014 I wouldn't tell them -- even if they ARE local. Let them figure it out. If they're going to respond so negatively, they don't deserve the information.I completely agree. Don't say a word. You don't owe an announcement to anyone, just let them figure it out on their own. When they do figure it out an start with their comments say something like "I am currently creating life and I would appreciate it if you would keep your unsolicited comments and negativity to yourself." Or "This is our family and our well thought out decision to bring another child into it does not concern or affect you in any way. Please take your comments somewhere else." Edited to add: Congratulations! I am so very happy for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wilma Posted March 14, 2014 Share Posted March 14, 2014 My advice would be to be thrilled as you give the news: "we are so excited to tell y'all we're expecting a new baby!" with genuine happiness. People are much less likely to rain on your parade that way than if you say, "well, uh, we're pregnant again..." while looking sheepish. Also, if someone says anything less than congratulatory, you can say, "oh geez, when people share wonderful news, you're supposed to say Congratulations, we're so happy for you!" There is no room for rudeness there, really. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wilma Posted March 14, 2014 Share Posted March 14, 2014 Also, congratulations to you! And best wishes! And much happiness! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted March 14, 2014 Share Posted March 14, 2014 :grouphug: The reception of our 3rd was less than stellar, so I hear you. Do it on the phone, do it quickly. Those are my thoughts, YMMV. On the phone, so you can make it a quick call, and oops, the brownies need to come out of the oven right now. And do it quickly so there's no complaining that you "never tell them anything." I *want* to agree with those who said wait to tell, or just don't. But I know how that would go over in my family. In fact, some of my family members are convinced that we knew about our 3rd for some time, and kept it from them. They simply do. not. believe. that her adoption was out of the blue and super fast. So not only are they judgmental and [insert whatever it is they feel], they are convinced that we kept something from them deliberately. She's almost 3, and they are still angry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted March 14, 2014 Share Posted March 14, 2014 My advice would be to be thrilled as you give the news: "we are so excited to tell y'all we're expecting a new baby!" with genuine happiness. People are much less likely to rain on your parade that way than if you say, "well, uh, we're pregnant again..." while looking sheepish. Also, if someone says anything less than congratulatory, you can say, "oh geez, when people share wonderful news, you're supposed to say Congratulations, we're so happy for you!" There is no room for rudeness there, really. Love this approach! And, I forgot to say congratulations, too! Oops! Congrats to you and your family! What happy, wonderful news! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saraha Posted March 14, 2014 Share Posted March 14, 2014 Don't I have 6 children and have heard ALL the comments. Just let them keep guessing and wondering. Eventually it will be obvious, and if they ask why you didn't tell them right away, just say "Well, we knew it would be upsetting for you, and we wanted to spare you that as long as we could." That is what we did with a family member, and she absolutely couldn't respond to that, so she didn't and things just moved on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hypatia. Posted March 14, 2014 Share Posted March 14, 2014 Congratulations! We had some really negative remarks to the news of our 4th, I didn't look forward to announcing #5. My parents found out when I started to show in the pics on FB (we live many states away). DH told his parents right before I saw them around 20 weeks or so. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
acsnmama Posted March 14, 2014 Author Share Posted March 14, 2014 I like the idea of not telling, but I do know a few of them will be upset we didn't tell them first. However, I do believe I will wait to say until I'm showing... However DH wants to tell all! Soon! With our second, I didn't tell my family for some time, I was actually asked because it was suspected in a photo! It wasn't due to fear of harsh responses, it was just because my relationship with my family at that time wasn't great. It went over just fine though! I actually told DH if we had another, that I'd like to wait until I was showing, just to see people's reaction or puzzled look with a growing belly. Like the in between stage where people are too afraid to ask! Lol. Silly, but I think it would be amusing. Most of our family is far away, so they won't see my belly unless it's a photo. I'm trying to think of a clever way to announce it. Photography is my hobby, and I haven't been taking many photos recently, so I figure I'll get my camera out, take a picture of our kids with big brother/big sister shirts, something fun and happy. Then say, "the kids are so stoked to have another sibling coming soon!" (Which they are thrilled about!) responses can't be too harsh, at least the chances are lower publicly on FB! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThisIsTheDay Posted March 14, 2014 Share Posted March 14, 2014 No advice, but I had to chime in that WE are happy for you!!! Congratulations!!!!!! How wonderful to add to your family!!! :hurray: :hurray: :thumbup: :thumbup1: :thumbup: :thumbup1: :party: :party: :party: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted March 14, 2014 Share Posted March 14, 2014 Forget about what other people think, and if they make snotty comments, you have my permission to tell them to stuff a sock in it. We're happy for you, and you should be THRILLED!!! CONGRATULATIONS, and please don't let anyone ruin this wonderful time for you. :party: :party: :party: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommymilkies Posted March 14, 2014 Share Posted March 14, 2014 If they are not local, then skip announcing the pregnancy and just send out baby announcements. If they are local and they are your DH's family, have him deal with them. Yup! That's what I did! My in-laws were never thrilled, by any means. So I had him do it. They were still passive aggressive sometimes, but that's their problem, not mine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted March 14, 2014 Share Posted March 14, 2014 When I've had someone say something negative, I've looked at them and told them, "The proper response is "congratulations"." And then I've walked away. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lara in Colo Posted March 14, 2014 Share Posted March 14, 2014 When I've had someone say something negative, I've looked at them and told them, "The proper response is "congratulations"." And then I've walked away. Jean will you live with me and be my words? You always know the right thing to say!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted March 14, 2014 Share Posted March 14, 2014 Jean will you live with me and be my words? You always know the right thing to say!! LOL - you realize that I don't always in real life, right?! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lara in Colo Posted March 14, 2014 Share Posted March 14, 2014 nooo-- In my mind -- you are perfectly perfect-- always. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halftime Hope Posted March 14, 2014 Share Posted March 14, 2014 Since you mentioned getting a cute, clever photo idea to announce it on FB, here's what an acquaintance of ours, who is a photographer, did. Everyone in the family was sitting in a row, each holding an open book in front of their faces. Mom to be holding a expecting/childbirth book, Dad-to-be holding a birth partner book, and all the sibling holding books about babies arriving, being big sisters or brothers, etc. (Took the photo down for the privacy of the family involved.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammi K Posted March 14, 2014 Share Posted March 14, 2014 You can do what I did. Wait until after the baby is born and have one of the kids call with a brief message. Of course, we lived in Australia and the family was in Pennsylvania so it was pretty much a guarantee that we were never going to run into them before he arrived and just as good a chance that we wouldn't run into them after he was born either. I took the easy way out. What can I say? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monica_in_Switzerland Posted March 14, 2014 Share Posted March 14, 2014 Luckily my family is enthusiastic and DH's family is polite. We are telling MIL this weekend and I'm sure she'll act thrilled. :-) However, I do get comments from strangers! I usually say, "I heard they learned what caused it, but I haven't had time to read the book- my kids keep me too busy." People always laugh. I try not to take things too seriously, even if I am irritated inside. lol. It's harder when it's family though, since you have to see those people regularly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted March 14, 2014 Share Posted March 14, 2014 :party: Congratulations. I know what it is like. When we told the in-laws about our fifth MIL asked me if I knew about safe sex. :ohmy: I did not find her comment humorous at all Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ashfern Posted March 14, 2014 Share Posted March 14, 2014 Congratulations!! We got some negative reactions when we announced #4. So for #5, I waited until 20 weeks when we knew the gender. Then I called my mom and told her she was going to have another grandson. LOL! She was concerned because of my age (over 40) but at least I was past the early "morning" sickness phase. DH dealt with his family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama Geek Posted March 14, 2014 Share Posted March 14, 2014 :party: :party: :party: :party: :party: Have fun and enjoy your new little one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eagle Posted March 14, 2014 Share Posted March 14, 2014 I would tell them with a spirit of joy and be oblivious to any response that isn't positive. Congratulations!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted March 14, 2014 Share Posted March 14, 2014 I wouldn't bother telling them either. when they complain they weren't told, you can tell them you didn't think they cared - but you're glad to know you were wrong. said with a firm smile that dares them to contradict you. (;p wink, wink, don't choke on your tongue) if you do decide to tell - wait until you are big enough that they will start "telling" you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomtoCandJ Posted March 14, 2014 Share Posted March 14, 2014 Congrats :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
speedmom4 Posted March 14, 2014 Share Posted March 14, 2014 My husband's family was less than happy when we announced our fourth as well. I became fiercely protective of him and went a little overboard at times when I anticipated negative comments. I went all mama bear on some folks! I ended up having to apologize to some but negative comments about an unborn baby is never ok. Elise in NC Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momto10blessings Posted March 14, 2014 Share Posted March 14, 2014 Congratulations!!!! I can kind of relate... If it's dh's family, have him tell If they are nice to the kids and won't say anything mean to them, have the kids tell Email them. "We're So excited that we're adding to our family"!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MercyA Posted March 14, 2014 Share Posted March 14, 2014 I am so sorry your family has behaved so rudely in the past. Sometimes you have to just not care what other people think. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: I think it's wonderful news and I'm very happy for you. Congratulations!!! :party: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted March 14, 2014 Share Posted March 14, 2014 If they're going to be poops about it, email or post on FB. Don't waste time and energy on negativity! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted March 14, 2014 Share Posted March 14, 2014 Congratulations! Some people just enjoy saying the mean-thing. :iagree: Congratulations, is always the correct thing to say when someone announces a baby. I love the idea of letting them find out on their own after you are showing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saddlemomma Posted March 14, 2014 Share Posted March 14, 2014 If you don't live close to them, why do you even have to tell them? In fact, why bother in any case? If you know their reaction, and you know it's going to depress you (as it seems to already be doing, just don't tell them. Just go about your life and.....WOW! You had another baby! Gee Whiz look at that! If they then say anything or ask why you didn't tell them, explain that, based upon their previous comments and behavior, you really didn't feel they would be that interested. If they do live close, you see them regularly, and they happen to see your expanding waistline, when the questions start, acknowledge the fact calmly, state that you didn't bother telling them because you know how they feel about such events and end the conversation by changing the subject. Eliminate any potential stress before it begins. And by the way, CONGRATULATIONS and revel in this joyous time!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
M&M Posted March 14, 2014 Share Posted March 14, 2014 Congratulations!! When we had #5 I shared the news with those I didn't want to talk to with an email. There was no fb back then or I might have posted there instead. Mom wasn't thrilled, but she got the message and i recieved a nicer, happier phone call than I would have announced it in person. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tenaj Posted March 14, 2014 Share Posted March 14, 2014 When we announced #4 in a telephone call to my mom, she said, "Oh,no" and hung up on me - LOL! She immediately called back and apologized. I realized her reaction was a direct reflection of how she had been treated when she announced her fourth pregnancy. Anyway, after that, we generally called our parents and then sent a email out to the rest of the family. When we were expecting our four year old (#8) I was fearful of the response from everyone (I was 44) so I chickened out and emailed the whole family - including my parents. I was very positive and excited in the email but decided that the email would give everyone a chance to get their negative reactions out privately before they saw us. It worked out very well and I never got any negatives though I'm sure that there was lots of talking between family members behind closed doors. I didn't have to hear it and that made me happy! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoJosMom Posted March 14, 2014 Share Posted March 14, 2014 First of all: :party: CONGRATULATIONS! From a mother who, for medical reasons, could only have one, I delight in your blessing! As for potential ways to handle an announcement: I completely agree. Don't say a word.You don't owe an announcement to anyone, just let them figure it out on their own. When they do figure it out an start with their comments say something like "I am currently creating life and I would appreciate it if you would keep your unsolicited comments and negativity to yourself." Or "This is our family and our well thought out decision to bring another child into it does not concern or affect you in any way. Please take your comments somewhere else."Edited to add: Congratulations! I am so very happy for you. I think the poster above said it perfectly above! :thumbup1: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetMissMagnolia Posted March 15, 2014 Share Posted March 15, 2014 If they are not local, then skip announcing the pregnancy and just send out baby announcements. If they are local and they are your DH's family, have him deal with them. This is what I would probably do.....and even if they are local I'd just send out announcements Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dollhouse Posted March 15, 2014 Share Posted March 15, 2014 Congrats! We are expecting our 5th, so I know what you mean about dreading some peoples' reactions. Luckily my parents are supportive, but my FIL thinks we're nuts. I felt more awkward about it with kid #3 and #4, but now we're just so far off the deep end to him that he doesn't say much anymore! I agree with the pp who said just act as thrilled as you are--"We have wonderful news! We're expecting another precious baby!" When we announced our #5, we had a family photo taken with all the kids holding up chalkboards with their birth order number, and I help up the number 5. It turned out really cute. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted March 15, 2014 Share Posted March 15, 2014 My MIL wasn't thrilled w/#4, 5, or 6. Her loss. She's met #5 for a whopping hour, and hasn't met #6 at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peaceful Isle Posted March 15, 2014 Share Posted March 15, 2014 When I announced to my mother that I was having my fourth , and she asked if I was going to be like the Duggers... Really???? :/ Who cares what anyone says. Babies are awesome! Congrats!!!! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted March 15, 2014 Share Posted March 15, 2014 Congratulations! I would try to surround myself with pro-baby people. This could be a Mom's Group, church people, or simply another family similar in size to yours. Let negative comments roll off your back like water off a duck. This is your and your dh's life and family. It always amazes me that people can be so cruel to their own family, especially since they won't be raising the kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bree Posted March 15, 2014 Share Posted March 15, 2014 Congratulations :) I let my kids tell the parents with this one. They were super excited to break the news so it kinda kept my parents attitude in check :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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