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What age did your dd start "liking" boys?


happyWImom
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I'm totally shocked, because today 2 of my dd's friends informed me that dd is "totally in love" with one of the boys in our 4-H club!  My dd will turn 12 next month, and I thought boys were the furthest thing from her mind.  I'm also sad that she didn't open up to me about any of it.  I am very close with my mom, and basically told her everything.  I was hoping it would be the same way with my dd-especially with us homeschooling!

 

I remember liking boys when I was in middle school, but figured I was more "wordly", plus the whole public school thing.  We have good friends whose dd started getting interested (after a friendship) in a boy at age 15.  I guess I was thinking I had until then.  I'm freaking out a little bit.  Am I being naive?

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I remember having a crush on a boy in 3rd grade. 

 

My oldest was always friends with a lot of boys so she didn't seem to have crushes as much.  She might like one a bit more for a little while but it was no big deal since they were already friends and hanging out.  She definitely entered into wanting a boy to be a special friend by junior high, so 11 or 12 years old.

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I had the biggest crush on Frasier. He was in my nursery school class in England. I was 5.

 

It never stopped. I was always faithful in my loves. I would be totally in love with a boy for years at a time until my family moved and I had to switch schools. I switched schools quite a lot.

 

After Frasier was David, when we got back to America (1 year)

Then John at the next school I went to (2 years)

Then Tony at the next school (3 years)

Then Joe. I loved Joe for 5 years until we graduated.

 

None of them loved me back as far as I know, but I was besotted.

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Seriously at 4 months old there was an eight month old baby she would light up when she saw and roll over to him and give him big slobbery kisses. She's always had a crush in some boy, whether Peter Pan, Robin, a neighbor or son of a family friends. Her latest crushes- Carl on The Walking Dead and the young Anakin Skywalker

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When she was two, there was a boy in her preschool class that she would say with a big sigh while gazing off into the distance.

 

"Today I play with Sally and Jane and Mikey and Timmy and [pause to take a deep breath and look up at the sky and exhale while she says, lovingly,] Paul."

 

Kinda freaked me out ;)

 

 

I think my first crush was in 3rd grade.  He had the deepest blue eyes, and I loved to look at them.

 

I think most kids have had some sort of crush by the age of 12.

 

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I guess I'm so dumb, I thought since I know her friends, etc... and we homeschool, there wouldn't be the interest this early! I guess you can't argue with hormones. :rolleyes:

 

Would you be bothered that your dd didn't tell you, though?

I would feel left out and a bit sad if my son didn't tell me if others knew about it. Right now he's 11 and I'm sure there have been girls he has had crushes on, but he won't admit it to anyone. If I found out that other people knew, I would feel sad.

 

Every now and then I ask him very neutral faced and matter of fact, "Are there any girls you are interested in?" He says, "I don't know." Which is code for "Yes,but I don't want to talk about it because I'm embarrassed/confused/whatever.""

 

I never, ever, ever (ever!!!) told my parents about my crushes, but they were deep and very real to me. Some kids just don't talk to their parents about these things.

 

I'm sad for you that you talked to your mom about these things and hoped your daughter would talk to you but she didn't. How disappointing. ((Hugs))

 

If you bring it up, I would do so in a neutral matter of fact way so she doesn't feel pressured and embarrassed. Everything feels so embarrassing at that age.

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I guess I'm so dumb, I thought since I know her friends, etc... and we homeschool, there wouldn't be the interest this early!  I guess you can't argue with hormones. :rolleyes:

 

Would you be bothered that your dd didn't tell you, though?

 

I don't really know what age, because my dd never told me either.  And no, I wouldn't be bothered.  I'm her mother, not her best friend.  That's what her girlfriends are for.

 

That doesn't mean we're not close...we are.  She's married now (and we didn't really know how serious she was with her husband until she announced they were getting engaged :lol: ), and we talk every day.  Now I can be her best friend. 

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I don't think worldliness causes crushes or homeschooling could help you avoid it. It's biological. Some kids are very sexual early on, others around your dd's age, and still you got the "late bloomers". I wouldn't be concerned or make it a negative thing. I think we can teach our children our values and what we expect as far as dating / courtship is expected, but I would not want to make them feel their feeling are bad or unnatural. The feelings are natural; it's how we respond to the feelings that can be bad.

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No, I wouldn't be bothered if she didn't tell me.  She's entitled to her feelings, and to keep them private if she wishes.  I dunno, I'm not really into the "parents as friends" model, though.  Crushes seem like the kind of thing you discuss with friends.  Maybe that's just because how I felt as a kid... I don't think I ever told my mom about my crushes.  I saved that for my diary and my friends.

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Agree with not being bothered. My job is to be a mom not a friend. In fact I think when you set out with the idea of being your child's friend you might end up not being friends when you have an adult, grown woman daughter. That's my experience with my mother anyway, lol. I would as a mother causally express our expectations and have frequent talks but I am pretty relaxed with talking about the birds and the bees with my kids. My 4 year old can tell you all about babies coming out of your vagina.

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I would feel left out and a bit sad if my son didn't tell me if others knew about it. Right now he's 11 and I'm sure there have been girls he has had crushes on, but he won't admit it to anyone. If I found out that other people knew, I would feel sad.

 

Every now and then I ask him very neutral faced and matter of fact, "Are there any girls you are interested in?" He says, "I don't know." Which is code for "Yes,but I don't want to talk about it because I'm embarrassed/confused/whatever.""

 

I never, ever, ever (ever!!!) told my parents about my crushes, but they were deep and very real to me. Some kids just don't talk to their parents about these things.

 

I'm sad for you that you talked to your mom about these things and hoped your daughter would talk to you but she didn't. How disappointing. ((Hugs))

 

If you bring it up, I would do so in a neutral matter of fact way so she doesn't feel pressured and embarrassed. Everything feels so embarrassing at that age.

My ds is very open and I can imagine him sharing the info. with me when it happens.  I guess I have to just accept the fact that dd isn't me, and tends to be more private.  

 

I am going to share some stories with her about me when I was her age & had crushes (she likes when I talk about when I was young) and see if she opens up.  

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my DD was about 6 when she told me she was in love... Yes i freaked out a little! That crush has passed but there have been others. I was just like her, boy crazy but shy. Sometimes she tells me and sometimes she doesn't (but i know her & i can tell!), it doesn't bother me, i just remind her that I'm here if she wants to talk... :)

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I was just saying good-night to her & talking, and I told her some of my experiences with crushes & thinking someone was cute, and I said "So, is there anyone you think is cute?", and she did tell me who and talk a bit about it.  She said all her friends knew.  Anyway, I don't expect her to tell me everything, but I guess I was just thrown for a loop that it's here all of a sudden.  Wasn't she just learning to talk-yesterday? :confused1:

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Am I being naive?

 

I think you are being a bit naive. 

 

I was the biggest tomboy in the world and never would have admitted it or let on but I had crushes by 5th grade (age 10).  Robbie Green, in my class, was the first.  :lol:

 

It's not a matter of being "worldly".  It's a matter of biology. 

 

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My dd10 was barely three when we moved to our current location. She informed me that one of the boys at church who is three years older than her was her prince and she would be his princess. Now, 7 years later, she still has a crush on him and I am under threat of death if I ever let him or his mom know since I teach his Sunday School class. There has never been anyone else for her. Unfortunately he doesn't even notice her.

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I guess I'm so dumb, I thought since I know her friends, etc... and we homeschool, there wouldn't be the interest this early!  I guess you can't argue with hormones. :rolleyes:

 

Would you be bothered that your dd didn't tell you, though?i

If they weren't telling me, because they are very private people, no.  If they weren't telling me because they thought I'd get mad...yes.  Oldest ds has been pretty honest about girls since we found out about Millie (that was when he'd just turned 11).  He hid it, initially...he still really like Millie.  Oldest dd had a crush last summer...and I found out while cleaning off school shelves when packing  and I found a note she wrote...I'm hoping she will be more open in the future.  And no...I don't read her diary/journal.  

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My ds is very open and I can imagine him sharing the info. with me when it happens. I guess I have to just accept the fact that dd isn't me, and tends to be more private.

 

I am going to share some stories with her about me when I was her age & had crushes (she likes when I talk about when I was young) and see if she opens up.

IMHO, by sharing your stories in the hopes she might finally share with you as you would like, you're not being accepting. You're forcing the situation.

 

My mom hoped during my teen years that I would share with her in moree of a friend capacity rather than as a mom/daughter relationship. She had an awful relationship with her mother and hoped that in being a friend, she would accomplish being a better mother than my grandmother was to her. But my life is my own. If I want you to know, I will tell you. I expect the same of others. If someone doesn't share their intimates with me, I don't force or ask. If I'm meant to know, they'll tell me.

 

While I do hope my dd shares some personal info of her life as she grows into adulthood, I do not wish to put her in a position where she feels forced to tell me. I'd rather she tell me on her own time.

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IMHO, by sharing your stories in the hopes she might finally share with you as you would like, you're not being accepting. You're forcing the situation.

 

My mom hoped during my teen years that I would share with her in moree of a friend capacity rather than as a mom/daughter relationship. She had an awful relationship with her mother and hoped that in being a friend, she would accomplish being a better mother than my grandmother was to her. But my life is my own. If I want you to know, I will tell you. I expect the same of others. If someone doesn't share their intimates with me, I don't force or ask. If I'm meant to know, they'll tell me.

 

While I do hope my dd shares some personal info of her life as she grows into adulthood, I do not wish to put her in a position where she feels forced to tell me. I'd rather she tell me on her own time.

I get what you're saying.  Part of it is that my dd is embarrassed by pretty much everything (especially lately) and I just want her to know it's okay to talk about certain things with me.  I don't want her to ever get into a situation where she's embarrassed or afraid to tell us something or ask for help if she needs it. She has a hard time sharing her feelings, period. I realize some people are just that way, but bottling things up has caused problems for her.  She has gone to a therapist for anxiety issues, and it was very difficult for her to open up to her therapist, although it is getting better.  She's always so worried about people's opinions of her.  

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I understand your situation. Am sorta there, only mine's 13. Could have "been there" when dd was 11--I found out about a "relationship" that she didn't tell me about. It can start young. I know how it feels to want to know what's going on. I have to watch it--for me, it's fear-based. I don't want her to get hurt, and I don't want her to do things that I feel she shouldn't. I also know a lot about how parenting is not about control, it's about relationship within boundaries--that means she's allowed to have boundaries, too, concerning what she tells me. But I so, so hear you.

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4yo?  :P

 

Too early to know about my girls and the "serious stuff" (though Miss A has had her future husband picked out for a while - she's in 2nd grade).  I was in my 20s before I went past the secret admirer stage.  But I do know some girls who have gone so far as to have sex at 11.  (I know, yikes!!).  So, time for a little chat with your daughter, because there is a broad spectrum in this regard.

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My dd was 3 when ds 8 year old friend would come over and  she was so crushing on  him.  Her face would light up  and say "Hi (boys first and last name mis pronouced) it was so cute.  He was kind to her and would take a minute to talk to her.  

now she is 8 and unlike her friends who do attend school has no love interests at the moment.  

 

Oh wait I think it was more like 18mo.  She went to mothers day out and a little boy liked her  We even have a picture of him kissing her.  We met up with this boy and mom when the kids were in kindergarten together.   The kids forgot about their first loves I guess but we moms had a good laugh about it.

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About 4 months old

ROFL - I could say this about my own dd. This is the age she started playing peek-a-boo and flirting with guys. She would not do that for females at all. Very funny! My dd is 9 and she is not wildly interested in boys, but there have been a few she had a preference for or thought was nice or cute.

 

I have a 13 year old son and the girls around my daughter's age and slightly older are absolutely nuts when he's around. It's really weird. And he still seems pretty clueless. He has friends that are girls but the girls that have openly showed interest in him he thinks are nutso. Poor girls! Tell your middle school age girls, boys that age can be pretty clueless and not to invest too much emotional energy in them.

 

I had a major crush on a boy in 3rd grade. :)

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Yes, you are being super-naieve. I didn't read other replies.

 

I liked boys way younger than that, although I believe having older sisters was an influence. But being "totally in love" with a boy at 11 (even 10' even 9) does not shock me even slightly.

 

Also, I think you hope for too much. Lots of kids keep these thoughts to themselves, but that does not mean their future with you will be shrouded in secrecy.

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I remember liking boys when I was 8, for sure. It was not even remotely sexual. I am positive I never told my mom about it. I did not feel I was "withholding" information from her, but did she really care that I liked how his nostrils flared?

 

I know people who grew up in very religious and conservative societies where they were explicitly told details of sexual acts as part of religious education, had clear moral expectations given, and repeatedly and clearly observed farm animals mating and giving birth, and were not promiscuous, yet were aware of the opposite sex. Puberty is biological. It's not that "bad girls" grow breasts sooner or something. I knew all about puberty several years before I started developing, but I never particularly associated my development with doing anything with someone else. It was pretty much about me.

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DD is just starting in the past few months to show an interest in and start crushing on boys. She is 11 -12 in August. She doesn't really talk about it a whole lot to me, but makes a comment here and there. I don't push, but casually mention remembering having a crush on certain celebrities and boys so that she knows it's totally normal. Like, the huge crush I had on Corey Feldman. We watched Stand By Me the other night, so I mentioned being soooo "in love" with him when I was younger. :)

 

She did have a friend in K4, though who was totally over the moon over some young celebrity that I can't remember the name of now. So, I'm really glad she waited until now!

 

ETA: After reading the replies here, I didn't realize that remembering my young life would be construed as forcing my daughter to be my "friend". LOL

However, my DD knows that I am not the only one to talk to. I tell her regularly that if she doesn't feel comfortable discussing something with me, she is to find another trusted adult such as my sister or SIL, Grandparents, or even one of the moms from park group that are close friends. She is entitled to her privacy, so unless she is in danger or making really unhealthy choices, I don't need all the details.

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Miss E was in love with Christopher Plummer when she was 3 or 4.  LOL.  Kids are so funny.  She also had a buddy (age 18) whom she met at 3, for whom she would completely light up, and about whom the aunties would tease her.  She met him again 3 years later, and the chemistry was no longer there, LOL.

 

But I know that's not what you're asking about ...

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My dd4 absolutely insists she loves a liitle boy and will get married 'by him' when she is about '80 or 85!'

Oh, okay.

 

I guess she did tell me before that, for nearly a year, that she was going to marry the Uni girl that came twice a week to help me:).

ETA a funny... When we went to the young lady's graduation dinner we told dd that the girl's fiancĂƒÂ© would be there and dd asked if we could 'just lock him up in a bedroom!' WHAT?

Apparently dd has a real fear of dogs...when we went to a friend's house they were kind enough to put their very large dog in another room. This is apparently, her solution for unwanted men/competition as well!

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DD is just starting in the past few months to show an interest in and start crushing on boys. She is 11 -12 in August. She doesn't really talk about it a whole lot to me, but makes a comment here and there. I don't push, but casually mention remembering having a crush on certain celebrities and boys so that she knows it's totally normal. Like, the huge crush I had on Corey Feldman. We watched Stand By Me the other night, so I mentioned being soooo "in love" with him when I was younger. :)

 

She did have a friend in K4, though who was totally over the moon over some young celebrity that I can't remember the name of now. So, I'm really glad she waited until now!

 

ETA: After reading the replies here, I didn't realize that remembering my young life would be construed as forcing my daughter to be my "friend". LOL

However, my DD knows that I am not the only one to talk to. I tell her regularly that if she doesn't feel comfortable discussing something with me, she is to find another trusted adult such as my sister or SIL, Grandparents, or even one of the moms from park group that are close friends. She is entitled to her privacy, so unless she is in danger or making really unhealthy choices, I don't need all the details.

I appreciate your response.  I don't expect to be dd's friend; we are clear that dh & I are the adults and deserve respect and we definitely don't share every detail of ours lives with our kids.  My parents were the same.  However, I have always been extremely close with my mom, and I am a totally open book, so I told her a lot.  Not everything, by any means.  There were lots of things I wanted to keep private.  I kept a journal & would have been mortified if she had read it.  Not because I had don't anything terrible, but because they were my deepest thoughts and feelings.  I hope my dd does the same.  I don't think my wanting her to share the fact that she thinks someone is cute is out of line or makes me any less of a parent.  I don't expect her to tell me every thought she has about it, I guess I was just shocked because she's never said anything at all about any interest in boys.  In fact, she's always been part tomboy and liked to hang out with the boys & do "boy stuff".  Now, maybe that was her interest & I didn't pick up on it.  :D  I agree with you that if my dd doesn't feel comfortable talking to me or dh about something that she would go to either my mom or one of her friends mom's that we are close with.  

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I haven't reached a point like this with my daughter, however, I don't remember a time I didn't like boys.  FWIW.  :)  I wasn't boy crazy or anything but remembering back to being in elementary school there was always one little boy in class that I had a bit of a crush on.  I think that sort of thing is just normal.

 

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I remember loving a boy named Brian in my preschool class when I was 3/4 years old. It's one of my earliest memories. In third grade my best friend and I had lots of mutual crushes on boys in our class. The boys we fawned over had zero interest in girls yet.

 

Now that my ds is the same age (a third grader) he now has girls in one of his homeschool classes who openly admit that they have a crush on him. I think he's simultaneously embarrassed and flattered, LOL, but just like the third grade boys when I was a kid, he's not at the point of being interested in crushes yet.

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I remember visiting a cousin when she had a son in early elementary school. As soon as he got home, all these girls were calling him on the phone. He had zero interest, but the phone just kept ringing. It was a bit surprising how aggressive these girls apparently were. This was some time ago, too, more than ten years.

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