Would you cut your hair into a faux hawk to support a friend with cancer?

[Tap]

http://www.google.co...9QEwAA&dur=1688

 

The poll is worded for the women on the board, but men can answer too. Especially if you have shoulder lenth hair that you are not planning to cut any time soon LOL The second part of the poll is for you to ask of your spouse/significant other. How would they feel if you did this?

 

I have a friend with mid length shoulder length hair. Her BFF who is a man, has cancer and lost his hair. She has decided to cut her hair extra short and to go for a faux hawk look to support him. Here is the thing that has me stuck.....he doesn't know she is doing it. I wonder if he would appreciate the sentiment or wish she would have kept her hair. She works in a full time, semi-professional career so this isn't an at home mom, who no one will see.

 

WWYD? How would your spouse feel about it? No 'other'....but multiple choice is allowed.

 

She is not married, so the spouse opinion doesn't matter.

This is not a cut she would normally consider......it is only for support.

[LucyStoner]

I am not sure why a faux hawk would be supportive? I would shave my head or wear a crazy hawk for a good cause but I don't see how this is a supportive surprise at all. "You are losing all of your hair to cancer, I will have mine cut into a trendy short 'do?" What?

 

I should add that while my hair is long now because I am cheap and not wanting to maintain a short do, I have often had very short hair, everything from bobs to pixies to "I took a set of clippers and shaved my head for absolutely no reason at all". I've been dating or married to my husband for 13+ years, spanning all of those hairstyles. He loved them all, including the boot camp bald look. For me cutting my hair short would not be a huge sacrifice or an issue with my spouse in the least.

 

ETA: I always sorta see the shave-your-head-too thing as a nice thing for groups of kids to do for another in potential bullying/self conscious type situations. For adults, I am not sure it really has the intended impact. My mother twice lost a yard of the most gorgeous auburn hair that anyone has ever seen to her chemo treatments. She was more helped by the company and other sorts of support. Some ladies from her church made her hats and she loved that.

[Parrothead]

I would do it if my friend asked or indicated that she needed the support. But it is not a look that would be something I'd want for any other reason. I'd look quite ridiculous and am too old for something like that.

 

Dh wouldn't care.

[higginszoo]

I'd be more likely to cut it all off than a faux hawk ... but for a close friend for whom it would mean a lot, I probably would. Dh wouldn't be thrilled with it, but would get over it. He does understand that it's *my* hair (and it WILL grow back).

[Julie Smith]

I would do it only if I knew my friend would care. Then I would assume it would be for a shaven head, not a faux hawk (Whatever that is)

[Laurie4b]

When I was going through chemo, it would have horrified me if someone did something like that to their hair to "show support." I wanted my own hair to grow back as quickly as possible; I did not want to see other people in the same or similar shape! Additionally, hair regrowth can be very, very slow after chemo and seeing someone else's hair just pop back at a normal rate may not have the encouraging effect your friend intends. What I valued in support was prayers, notes & emails, meals for my family, my friend who went with me to chemo and other appointments, my friends that went with me to try on wigs, people who watched my kids, etc.

 

Your friend's friend, of course, may feel differently.

[Orthodox6]

I believe that there are far more useful ways to support and help a friend battling long-term illness.

[maddykate]

I voted that no, I wouldn't cut my hair. Not that I am so proud or have that great of hair, but I just don't really see how my shaving my head shows support. There are so many other, more important ways to be supportive.

 

My dh voted that he would ask me not to, but would get over it if I did.

[Ewe Mama]

Could there be any fall-out with her employers over a less professional looking hairstyle (could it be against their dress code policy?)

 

 

[Mrs Mungo]

My dh doesn't really care what I do with my hair as long as I don't straighten it. I voted #3, he voted #1 and was surprised with the idea that some guys would care a whole lot.

[dirty ethel rackham]

I could think of a zillion other ways to support a friend with cancer than cutting my hair. I certainly wouldn't want someone to do that for me if it wasn't something they would like. .

[Tap]

Could there be any fall-out with her employers over a less professional looking hairstyle (could it be against their dress code policy?)

 

Dress code allows it and boss is farily liberal anyways. Coworkers don't care either way.

[Word Nerd]

I'm sure it makes sense to her and I know she has good intentions, but to me it seems like a non sequitur. What does getting a faux hawk have to do with supporting a person with cancer?

[elegantlion]

I had radiation and lost part of my hair. It's pretty emotional to reach around to the back of your neck and pull out a huge handful of hair. I burst into tears right in the shower. It took a long time to grow out. If a friend asked i might, but dear god not as a surprise. Cancer gives you enough surprises.

 

The other issue is that the hair thing is pretty personal, cancer is pretty personal. Cutting your short doesn't give them some pass to relate better to the experience. It's not like they will really know what it feels like.

 

I get that people want to support their friends. The best thing they can do is be there and ask what they need.

 

[mytwomonkeys]

Hmm. Ive never thought about it. Ive not been in that situation, but i could see doing that if the person was very, very close to me and really struggling with the thought of losing their hair during chemo. If i thought cutting my hair too could ease the situation and bring some comic relief (or just serve as reminder that i am fully there for them) then i might do it, sure.

 

My husband wouldnt care. In that type of reality, he would not be concerned with my hairstyle. I think he would love me even more because of it.

[Dandelion]

I have very long hair that I haven't cut short since I was about 12 years old (and I hated my short hair then). That said, if one of my really close friends had cancer and needed me to cut my hair really short for some reason, I would consider it if it was super important to her. But like some of the others who have posted, I can think of so many other (and IMO better) ways to support someone battling cancer. And I certainly wouldn't cut it all off as a surprise.

[Shawna in Texas]

I would shave my head if I thought they would appreciate it. As it is, the last haircut I got was shorter than the picture. DH voted #1.

[Audrey]

I would not do it. I do not, personally, feel this is a valuable support to someone with cancer. I will be there for the person and will do whatever I can to help them, but I am not going to remove my hair by my own choice to "show support" for someone who has lost their against their own choice. It makes no logical sense to me, and provides no tangible benefit to the cancer victim. A shaven head does not equal love and support.

 

That said, if a loved one with cancer ASKED me, themselves, personally, to shave my head, then I think I would consider it. Generally, though, people do these kinds of things and the person with the cancer has never actually requested such a thing. Unfortunately, I have known far too many loved ones afflicated with cancer. Yet, I have never know a situation where the cancer patient themselves directly requested loved ones to shave their heads.

 

I asked my dh and he said he'd tell me not to do it because he doesn't see what the point would be, but it's my hair, so he wouldn't get bent out of shape if I did do it.

[hillfarm]

I mean this gently, but it seems to me that while a lot of the "haircutting for support" stuff starts off with the right reasons in mind, it often ends up drawing attention to the healthy person instead of the weakened one. "Oh, aren't you SO sweet to have done this drastic thing to support your friend. You are just so wonderful!" Blah, blah, blah....

[NotSoObvious]

I think it is hilarious that so few of us said we'd absolutely do it, but most of our spouses are all for it!

[Heather in Neverland]

I mean this gently, but it seems to me that while a lot of the "haircutting for support" stuff starts off with the right reasons in mind, it often ends up drawing attention to the healthy person instead of the weakened one. "Oh, aren't you SO sweet to have done this drastic thing to support your friend. You are just so wonderful!" Blah, blah, blah....

 

Yep.

[lavender's green]

No and no.

 

That's not support. It's attention-seeking.

[windmillmarie]

I mean this gently, but it seems to me that while a lot of the "haircutting for support" stuff starts off with the right reasons in mind, it often ends up drawing attention to the healthy person instead of the weakened one. "Oh, aren't you SO sweet to have done this drastic thing to support your friend. You are just so wonderful!" Blah, blah, blah....

 

 

 

Yes, thank you. I knew something was bothering me and this is it. They had a St. Baldricks event in the schools at our last district and I found it disturbing how many kids were excited to collect donations and shave their head. The money was for a good cause, but it was all press and giant parties for the people shaving their heads. It made me very uncomfortable.

 

My mother went though a cancer treatment years ago when no one was supposed to talk about it. She would have been horrified if I had shaved my head just for 'support' but very touched if someone had the type of hair you could donate to make a wig. She bought a natural hair wig back then ASAP.

[Halftime Hope]

If I were the person with the cancer, I think I would be horrified that someone had done that "for me." Doubly so if it is a surprise. Imagine the obligation it imposes on the sick person, at the very least that he should be "grateful" to her.

[Lolly]

I wonder if your friend was just looking for an excuse to cut her hair in a funky cut. I cannot see how this relates to supporting someone who has lost their hair.

[Mrs Mungo]

I think it is hilarious that so few of us said we'd absolutely do it, but most of our spouses are all for it!

 

But, I think it has more to do with whether people think it is an appropriate gesture rather than the idea of cutting one's hair. My hair has been short many times, but I cannot see myself cutting my hair for this reason, unless I felt the person with cancer really wanted me to do it.

 

I think it is sweet so many husbands support their wives desire to do whatever with their hair.

[mytwomonkeys]

No and no.

 

That's not support. It's attention-seeking.

 

 

i think that is unkind. to say you would not do it doesn't mean people that would do it have greedy motives. i've read several stories of parents of children with cancer shaving their heads alongside their children (some of the children are adults). or spouses & siblings that do it too. the reasoning doesn't have to be deep and profound. it is only hair for goodness sake. it's a simple gesture that tells the person you aren't in this alone. it can add comic relief to a scary situation. it can make a person "feel" supported. and i imagine it is only done by people that have an incredibly close relationship, where it would never be misconstrued as anything more than what it is.

[Lady Florida.]

I am not sure why a faux hawk would be supportive? I would shave my head or wear a crazy hawk for a good cause but I don't see how this is a supportive surprise at all. "You are losing all of your hair to cancer, I will have mine cut into a trendy short 'do?" What?

 

 

I believe that there are far more useful ways to support and help a friend battling long-term illness.

 

:iagree: with the above. I wouldn't do it and I fail to see how it supports the person with cancer.

 

 

ETA: I can't vote without voting in both parts of the poll. Since I'm seeing this when dh is at work, that means I can't vote.

[Hwin]

In our marriage, he'd be more appreciative if I sacrificed my leg hair than my head hair.

 

ETA for a friend, maybe, but I don't really get the connection. I think my friends would prefer hot meals and someone to watch their kids.

[GraciebytheBay]

Okay, I asked my friend who just finished treatment for melanoma and has lost her hair. She said she would be horrified if someone did that "for her". She is very self conscious about her hair loss and works hard to have a nicely styled wig or head covering, and she said that someone drawing attention to her situation in that way would be upsetting. (Keep in mind that this person is fairly private and does not like a lot of attention in general.) For her, having people send cards and FB messages and bringing meals for her family meant a lot to her and kept her going. She also said that a little girl in her church donated her hair to Locks of Love in friend's honor, and that was meaningful.

[Sarah CB]

I have repeatedly cut my hair to donate for wigs for cancer patients, but I think cutting shoulder length hair for basically no reason at all is a waste of hair. Why not make a plan to grow it out and donate it? That would show more support towards fighting cancer.

[Happy]

I would have gotten a kick out of someone shaving their head in support of my treatment....but it would have been hard to watch their hair grow back while I was still doing treatments. My hair is growing back slowly (and with a mind of it's own) months after my hard treatments ended. Either the person keeps the short do the entire time or does something else to show support. I don't think a short, short do is all that out of line. I'd tell her to go for it.

 

Things I enjoyed people doing for me...

meeting with me once a month during my 'good' week for breakfast and laughter.

bringing comfort foods for me and my family

driving me places. We live a distance from everywhere, it seems, and once my energy was gone, I couldn't do the driving and whatever it was I was going to do. So driving to the doctor's office, or somewhere kinda fun would be a help. One friend and I always go nursery hopping in the spring--she did all the driving and helped me get out among the plants. It was fun....and sort of 'normal' in a year where normal didn't exist much.

One of my friends fasted and prayed for me every Monday, my treatment day.

Cleaning my house!!!!!

Mowing my yard.

People made me or sent me wonderful caps and hats and prayer shawls. Even if the hat was not exactly my taste, I kept it displayed so I could 'feel' the blessing of the sender.

Cards, cards, cards. It's a simple thing, but cards, texts, emails were such a blessing to me.

 

I live with a husband and son who can cook, clean, drive, and mow, but it was always a blessing to have someone step in to help them out.

 

ETA....I've kept thinking about this. When I was diagnosed, my 21 year old son got a breast cancer ribbon tattoo. I HATE tattoos. (No offense to anyone with a tattoo. It's a personal preference.) I know he meant it very well. I KNOW that....but I would have rather he shaved his head or dyed his hair pink or.....just about anything else. I smiled and hugged him and thanked him for his support.

[bobbeym]

No, I wouldn't do it, and DH would be furious with me if I were to do something like that. I don't see how cutting my hair short would benefit a cancer patient, especially if they aren't aware I was going to do it. Being there for support is much more important IME.

[SJ.]

I wonder if your friend was just looking for an excuse to cut her hair in a funky cut. I cannot see how this relates to supporting someone who has lost their hair.

 

I was wondering the same.

[TravelingChris]

No, I wouldn't. I think it is a strange idea. I don't have a problem with cutting hair for things like Locks of Love or a fundraiser, but there doesn't seem to be a real point to this. Furthermore, in my case, I already have loss of hair (not complete at all but still there from both medications and underlying illnesses) and I don't expect anyone to experience hair loss to commiserate with me.

[Shawna in Texas]

My cousin is a nurse at a small hospital. She had a very large, benign tumor that was giving her debilitating headaches. Because of the location, and the amount she needed shaved, she just buzzed the rest off. A handful of the staff did as well. She really appreciated the gesture. One doctor actually shaved his head. They still all laugh about the first thing she saw when she woke was the blinding shine of his head.

[Miss Cornelia Snook]

I would not do it. I do not see how it helps the loved one with cancer. I agree that growing it out and donating it to Locks of Love would be much more helpful.

[Catwoman]

I'm with everyone who doesn't understand how the faux hawk could possibly be construed as being supportive of a friend with cancer.

 

Look, if your friend was cutting off her hair so it could be made into an amazing wig for her friend, well... OK . But not without the support of the friend.

 

It's not even like she's shaving her head. I think she runs a serious risk of her friend thinking she did it just because she wanted the attention that comes with getting a new, extreme hairstyle -- not because she was being supportive.

[Runningmom80]

I would only do it if the friend knew and supported it. I don't think it would be fair to just show up with a faux hawk, not knowing how the person feels.

 

 

My dh would be 100% supportive.

 

 

I think it's wonderful when a bunch of school kids do it, but that's a different scenario entirely.

[aggieamy]

If I were the person with the cancer, I think I would be horrified that someone had done that "for me." Doubly so if it is a surprise. Imagine the obligation it imposes on the sick person, at the very least that he should be "grateful" to her.

 

This is how I feel. I've mentioned it enough that most people know that I had cancer when I was 17 and lost my mid-back length shiny beautiful hair. I wore a wig to my high school graduation. I would have been horrified if anyone had shaved their head to sympathize. You know what I would have liked - someone to pop by once in awhile during the day when I was home alone and sick as a dog because my parents had to work. That would have been awesome. Even better if they had brought a milk shake by. That's an awesome gesture of friendship.

 

DH voted no because he says I've already been bald once because of chemo and there is no reason to do it again. His quote in reference to shaving your head as a sign of support:

 

"Hey look I'm bald too. But you might be dying and I'm not. But I'm bald!"

 

Not supportive. The worst part of cancer isn't that you lose your hair. It's that you could die and lots of people do.

 

Milkshakes are supportive though.

 

My cousin is a nurse at a small hospital. She had a very large, benign tumor that was giving her debilitating headaches. Because of the location, and the amount she needed shaved, she just buzzed the rest off. A handful of the staff did as well. She really appreciated the gesture. One doctor actually shaved his head. They still all laugh about the first thing she saw when she woke was the blinding shine of his head.

 

I take back what I said. If I worked at a hospital and everyone there shaved their heads that would have been awesome. But only then. No other circumstances.

[Mommyof4ks]

Before my son had cancer, no way would I have considered messing with my hair in any way, but now sure I would. It is just hair and it does grow back. A faux hawk would not be my choice though. From my experience in cancer land people generally talk with the survivor and have several people get together to get their head shaved, but not everyone wants people to do that for them. I would ask the friend and offer to shave my head. It would be very hard for me, because I am self conscious, but compared to going through cancer treatment it is not a big deal to shave my head.

[Sparkle]

I didn't vote in the poll, but no, I wouldn't cut my hair. A) I have scalp psoriasis, so I would look really bad hairless (I know that's vain of me, but I'm also thinking of other people who would have to see me) B) I don't think a hair cut is really supportive - I would rather do something practical C) My dh would not be happy at all. I've tried cutting my hair short and he didn't like it, so I purposely wear it longish for him D) Surprising someone doesn't seem like a good idea.

 

ETA: my 2nd one is supposed to be B parenthesis but it came out as the smirky smiley. LOL. It fits.

[katilac]

I think doing it as a surprise is a terrible, terrible idea.

 

People are all so different - my sister probably would have gotten a big kick out of it, but I would be mortified and uncomfortable. Just like it was a huge (positive) deal to her when we threw her a surprise 40th birthday party, but everyone who knows me knows that death looms in the event of a surprise party in my honor.

 

I think that growing it long enough to cut for Locks of Love in her honor is more appropriate, if she wants it to be a surprise.

[Jenny in Florida]

None of the poll options feel right to me. However, I would cut my hair into a silly style or shave it off in support of a friend if I believed it would be meaningful to him/her. I don't think I'd hesitate longer than a few seconds making the decision, but I would want to feel certain it would have the desired effect.

 

My husband is busy at the moment, and I can't ask him. I can tell you, though, that I feel certain he'd be completely supportive of my decision to make the change, as I would of him if the roles were reversed.

[J-rap]

Probably not, because I can't really see how it would be helpful. It almost seems like it would just bring more attention to the healthy person, which I'm sure is not the reason for doing it, but how does that help anything? I can think of a lot of other things that would actually be really helpful: preparing meals, babysitting children, etc.

[Impish]

No and no.

[MommaOfalotta]

I wouldn't do it as a surprise. The only way I would do it is if my friend (my very good friend or family member) was going to have her hair cut/buzzed off before he/she lost it in chemo... THEN I would do it with them, to show support.

 

My dh would support it, Im sure. He always tells me he would love me if I was bald.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

I mean this gently, but it seems to me that while a lot of the "haircutting for support" stuff starts off with the right reasons in mind, it often ends up drawing attention to the healthy person instead of the weakened one. "Oh, aren't you SO sweet to have done this drastic thing to support your friend. You are just so wonderful!" Blah, blah, blah....

 

Well, as someone who did shave their head for a friend, I can tell you that mostly people thought I had cancer, too. That was the weirdest thing to deal with.

 

Now that I've actually been diagnosed with cancer, but chose not to do chemo, and therefore kept my hair, not too many people outside my close friends and family would ever know.

 

I certainly did not shave my head for attention to myself. I did it because my dearest and best friend was absolutely devastated at losing her hair. More so than losing her breast. When I shaved my head, it made her laugh hysterically and see that it wasn't such an awful thing, after all.

 

When we went out together, she wasn't the only one people were staring at. We even went to a scrapbook weekend with 50 other women, and my having a shorn head did divert some of the attention toward me and away from her- as she wanted and appreciated. She did NOT want to be the center of attention.

 

I also kept shaving my head until hers started growing back. I was in it for as long as she was in it. But, as I've said before, I didn't JUST shave my head. I went with her to doctor appointments, took care of her kid, helped her husband, bought her all kinds of support stuff, etc. I didn't shave my head for a publicity stunt. I did it as ONE of the many things I did to help my best friend get through the worst time of her life.

 

I don't understand what a faux hawk has to do with supporting someone with cancer, but if it would help that person feel better, I'd do it in a heartbeat.

 

If I had chosen to go through with chemo, two of my sisters, my mother (and even my bff, although she was not thrilled about the idea) were all ready to be bald with me. I wouldn't have cared one way or the other, but I would have appreciated their thoughtfulness.