Anyone feel, I don't know, guilty about staying home with the children while your dh

[Karenciavo]

works, maybe even 2 jobs so you can stay home. During the school year I'm fine. We school around 7 hours a day, there are lessons and groups that children need to get to, that ole Mt. Laundry to climb, dinner, house cleaning, etc. But now that it's summer and my dh is still slaving away and I'm poolside with an iced coffee reading a book I feel more than a little guilty.

 

Help me! :D

[DB in NJ]

Karen, I know exactly how you feel. dh finished his job in the bank attic yesterday and came home to mow the lawn. And here I sit, playing on the laptop, watching tv, ceiling fan and a/c blaring.

 

What's even worse is with this bad back, he was the one schlepping the kids back and forth to VBS last week, and he was the one making dinner.

 

My soul, he's a good man.

 

I'm just glad I'm able to contribute again today. I'll be doing some laundry (Andrew will be carrying it up and down the stairs for me, though), and I'll be making dinner.

[elegantlion]

I feel that way in the summer. I'm terrible at housework and during school that's not so obvious. I also feel like I have to "on" 24/7 when we are doing school, my job is never over then.

 

Truly with planning school and doing a light summer schedule I don't get that many real days off.

 

This probably isn't helping at all, is it?

[DB in NJ]

I wanted to add that during some periods of time when dh didn't have work and he was home with us, he would always comment on how he was SO GLAD that HE didn't have to teach the kids. He's spent many-a-school day here with us, and every day he said the same thing: I don't know how you do it! I'm just glad I don't have to!!

[jonesloonybin]

I do feel guilty. Even worse is I know that my dh would love to stay home with the kids. I feel like I am not contributing. It is especially hard now that we are having finacial difficulties..(i.e. broke)

[wagnfun]

works, maybe even 2 jobs so you can stay home. During the school year I'm fine. We school around 7 hours a day, there are lessons and groups that children need to get to, that ole Mt. Laundry to climb, dinner, house cleaning, etc. But now that it's summer and my dh is still slaving away and I'm poolside with an iced coffee reading a book I feel more than a little guilty.

 

Help me! :D

 

 

Been there a bit. Heres what I do. I make sure the kids KNOW that while they are sitting playing games, or swimming or whatever that dad is working. I point out to them here & there when we clean up & such,.. lets X, Y & Z for dad who works 50hrs a week then comes home and cleans our pool. Basically, I remind them what their dad is doing for us. Then on the wifely front... :001_wub: when the kidlets are in bed-- I thank him the way I know he likes to be thanked. :tongue_smilie: :001_tt1:

[abbeyej]

uh..... Yep.

[plain jane]

I wanted to add that during some periods of time when dh didn't have work and he was home with us, he would always comment on how he was SO GLAD that HE didn't have to teach the kids. He's spent many-a-school day here with us, and every day he said the same thing: I don't know how you do it! I'm just glad I don't have to!!

 

:iagree::iagree:

 

My dh is the same way. He LOVES his kiddos but he doesn't want to stay home with them day in and day out. :lol:

 

I don't feel guilty at all. This is my lot in life and going out to work is his. There are plenty of things that I don't like about being home just as there are things that he doesn't like about going to work each day. I figure we're both about even. My 4 kiddos are all 7 and under- including 2 in diapers. To me, that's work- even if I am home, and *especially* if we're out at the pool.:lol:

 

I do feel a tinge of guilt in the summer when we just hang out doing nothing and the house is a complete mess by the time dh comes home. But hey, I laboured and birthed all four of these kids; there's got to be *some* sort of reward for that.;)

 

ETA: on a more serious note, like the poster above said, I DO make it a point to point out to the littles all the good things they have because daddy does go out to work. We try to talk about why it is they have good food on the table or why they get to have such and such toys. It helps give them a feeling of appreciation for what their daddy does for our family.

[*anj*]

Sometimes I feel that way.

But on the other hand, my job is no picnic either.

And even when there are relaxing aspects to my day I'm still breaking up fights, disciplining incompliant children, getting food for them 500 times a day because they're hungry all the time, planning dinner, remembering laundry, doing some level of bookwork, etc. from the time I wake up in the morning.

 

He works hard, I know he does, but he also has two hours of peace while he commutes on the train. He can read books and newspapers without interruption. He gets to take an actual lunch break and he doesn't have to get anyone else's food. If he doesn't feel like taking lunch one day he can treat himself to something nicer and not have to figure out how to sneak it around four other people who want some too (or treat them as well.) When he does a good job there are people all around him patting him on the back, telling him how great he is. He even gets more money for doing such a great job. And when he comes home there is always a meal waiting for him. It isn't always ready when he walks in the door, but it is always in the works at least. And the adoration of throngs of children. And of course there's the beautiful wife. :001_huh: Well, at least there really are throngs of children! :lol:

[PariSarah]

. . . but when it was, back in Paris, I never, EVER thought of myself as relaxing while he went off and worked. Nor as working while he went off and had fun.

 

Both "outside" work and homemaking are a funny combination of labor and pleasure, of exertion and refreshment, of expenditure and reward, of benefits and burdens. Guilt should only come in if one partner bore all the burdens while the other reaped all the benefits. And, you know, that can go either way, when it comes to SAHParenting vs. working outside the home. I know a few SAHPs who feel that they are bearing all the burdens while their spouses get all the glory. Happens. And others who feel the opposite--like they trudge through a miserable job while the spouse sits at home and eats bon-bons and watches Oprah.

[Jenny in Atl]

uh..... Yep.

 

Yup and double - triple yup!! Very hard now with business hurting so much.

[Diana in OR]

Sometimes yes, but here are some things to consider....

 

How old are your dc? If *you* had a job, would you be paying a sitter?

 

When would the housework, cooking, cleaning, taking the dc to their activities dr. appts., etc. get done? If *you* had a job, would you then ask dh to help with those things on his time off? You'd probably feel more guilty about that.

 

Admittedly, I struggle with this the older my dc get. They don't need my constant supervision anymore, yet I believe they still need me here and will for several more years.

[Robin Hood]

At times I do, but it's what he wants, too. I confuse people though, when it comes up in conversation, that I'll say he works long and hard so I can stay home with the girls. It's not a concept easily understood where I live. I did pick up a little part time job in the wee hours over 2 years ago, and he is working harder now so that I can quit. He is grateful for the income I generate, but his desire is that I remain at home.

[Krista in LA]

I feel so guilty that I have not been able to enjoy my summer. To make it even worse, dh works from home except for the occasional trip, so should I be spending too much time on these boards or playing games on the computer, he is sure to walk out of his office and catch me doing it. He doesn't say anything, but I know that sometimes he gets frustrated that I get the summer "off." I've gotten pretty good at trying to look busy, but I still feel very, very guilty.

[home4school]

I sure do, but it is like Robin said. My husband takes pride, (would that be the right word?) in the fact he is able to do what he does to allow me to stay home with our children. It builds him up and boosts him to know he can provide this type of life for his family.

 

With finances tight, he has been working extra hours everyday and working seven days a week lately. But, he is glad that he is making money we can put back and also money for curriculum that I need to buy.

 

We won't be able to take a vacation this year and that has been sad. He loves the beach and I hate he will not get that time to recharge. I talked about getting a part-time job, but like he said, he can make more working overtime in a week than I could at a part-time job in a month!

 

So, put your mind at rest that your husband is doing what he does because he likes to provide this life for your family. And thank God for giving you your husband! (which I'm sure you already do!)

 

Blessings,

Kim

[dragons in the flower bed]

But now that it's summer and my dh is still slaving away and I'm poolside with an iced coffee reading a book I feel more than a little guilty.

 

Yes. I feel guilty about it constantly. My dear heart works his butt off and hardly ever takes time to do the things he's passionate about, whereas my work, though tricky during the school year, is what I'm passionate about.

 

He's been talking, wistfully, about going back on tour, but in three years, since we've had our youngest, he's only managed to develop half a book's worth of poems. What is he going to write about? Scooping buys at yard sales?

 

Our plan is that when the youngest is eight, we'll switch gears, and I'll begin to take over the majority of the income producing work. Only five and a half years to go before the poor man gets some relief.

[Marie in Oh]

Sometimes I feel that way.

But on the other hand, my job is no picnic either.

And even when there are relaxing aspects to my day I'm still breaking up fights, disciplining incompliant children, getting food for them 500 times a day because they're hungry all the time, planning dinner, remembering laundry, doing some level of bookwork, etc. from the time I wake up in the morning.

 

He works hard, I know he does, but he also has two hours of peace while he commutes on the train. He can read books and newspapers without interruption. He gets to take an actual lunch break and he doesn't have to get anyone else's food. If he doesn't feel like taking lunch one day he can treat himself to something nicer and not have to figure out how to sneak it around four other people who want some too (or treat them as well.) When he does a good job there are people all around him patting him on the back, telling him how great he is. He even gets more money for doing such a great job. And when he comes home there is always a meal waiting for him. It isn't always ready when he walks in the door, but it is always in the works at least. And the adoration of throngs of children. And of course there's the beautiful wife. :001_huh: Well, at least there really are throngs of children! :lol:

 

If I was getting pedicures and out shopping while the kids were at day camp, or during the year was doing my own thing while the kiddos were at school for 7 hours, I would feel more guilt. But I know I work hard, he works hard, we are both totally exhausted. We are both doing our parts.

[Stacy in NJ]

My dh loves his work, wouldn't know what to do with himself without it. I, on the other hand, look forword to the day when I can go back out into the world and really engage. I love my boys and I love being home with them, but it's a great big world out there and being a homeschooling SAHM is crimping my style.:001_smile:

 

I can only stand so many days at the pool before I start to lose my mind.:w00t:

 

I do feel for the folks, whether they're at home or work, who don't enjoy their jobs and stuggle to make ends meet. I've BTDT.

[Brindee]

Sometimes I do. But every time I'd bring it up, he'd say that this was exactly how he wanted it! Like others said, he wants me to be a SAHM and homeschool the kids, and be with them as they're growing up! It's what we both want, really, but he discourages me from feeling guilty about it!

 

He also encourages me to be on-line here! I've learned so much and can share and talk and pray with and for others that are also homeschooling. He realizes that's a good thing! When I say I spent to much time on the WTM site, he says, "Don't feel bad about that. It's good for you to be able to be on there!"

 

And then, we make sure to have a business meeting to "discuss" things as often as needed! ;):001_wub::001_tt1:

[Kelli in TN]

More so now then ever before. Because of the rising prices we are looking at the possibility of needing to generate more income. And he will not hear of me getting a job, instead he is thinking of getting a second job.

 

Talk about your guilt.

[Niffercoo]

Totally guilty.

 

And I'm also starting to feel really "out-of-the-loop", too, especially with moms of kids my son's age. We had an All-Star tournament last week, and I was one of 2 moms who didn't have jobs. The other mom has preschoolers, though. I felt like I had nothing to contribute to the conversations these moms were having about the upcoming changing schedules as their boys go off to middle school and the moms will be leaving for work before the bus comes (middle school starts late in our county... 9 something).

 

And with finances getting so tight. We had to ask our middle child to drop some of her dance classes. It broke my heart, especially when she asked me if I could go get a job to pay for her activities, like a couple of her friends' moms have done recently.

 

So yeah. Total guilt. Lots of fear, too. It's been a rough summer.

[Gretchen in NJ]

Sometimes I feel that way.

But on the other hand, my job is no picnic either.

And even when there are relaxing aspects to my day I'm still breaking up fights, disciplining incompliant children, getting food for them 500 times a day because they're hungry all the time, planning dinner, remembering laundry, doing some level of bookwork, etc. from the time I wake up in the morning.

 

He works hard, I know he does, but he also has two hours of peace while he commutes on the train. He can read books and newspapers without interruption. He gets to take an actual lunch break and he doesn't have to get anyone else's food. If he doesn't feel like taking lunch one day he can treat himself to something nicer and not have to figure out how to sneak it around four other people who want some too (or treat them as well.)

 

When he does a good job there are people all around him patting him on the back, telling him how great he is. He even gets more money for doing such a great job. And when he comes home there is always a meal waiting for him. It isn't always ready when he walks in the door, but it is always in the works at least. And the adoration of throngs of children. And of course there's the beautiful wife. :001_huh: Well, at least there really are throngs of children! :lol:

Very cute anj.:lol: I do:iagree: with you. How did you know this is how I felt? It must be the hive mind.;)

 

There have been a few times when I had felt guilty. When we first got our pool, I felt guilty for about the first week. Then, I got over it. Maybe if I were by myself or with a group of you chatty girls by the pool, I'd feel guilty. But, I am a life guard for my girls when I am out by the pool. That is work by my definition.

 

I have to say that now the only time I feel guilty is when I come here to chat.:tongue_smilie: Hopefully, I will get over that real soon.:001_huh:

[iquilt]

No guilt here at all - I work very hard at home and have given up a lot to be here - I do not even qualify for SS benefits because I don't have enough quarters on my statement. That means that I'm a non-entity in the eyes of the government, but I am very important to my family! This time of year I always find myself evaluating where we are and what would change for me to change what I do; we look at how our previous year has been going and are we doing what's best for our family for the next school year. At the end of the day we're both exhausted so when I get a break I enjoy it, knowing that it may not happen again for awhile! DH is wonderful and we could not have our wonderful family without each other; we are both working hard.

[LauraGB]

I think at first I did, but mostly because no one in either of our families are stay-at-home-moms and everyone had a little something to say about it :glare:. But over the years, watching thier kids and my kids grow, no one really has too much to say anymore. ;)

 

Dh would rather work 24 hours every day for years on end than have my job for more than 1 day. (Although, I would not be opposed to trading occasionally, truth be told!) I can't feel guilty because its no small feat running a household, and raising kids, not to mention being responsible for providing thier education, and all the other little things we do to make things go more smoothly.

 

Park it poolside and enjoy your beverage. You deserve it. Sounds like your dh might deserve it as well - invite him one evening to sit beside you after the dc go to sleep and share your beverage. :)

[Danestress]

DH had to work two jobs or if his job(s) were of the type that have no real intellectual or emotional awards. In that situation I might look for part-time work myself if we needed to make ends meet.

 

But my DH has a job that, while exasperating and stressful at times, is awarding intellectually. He works very hard at it, but he doesn't wish he could work less hard. He wants to be good at it, and he has long term goals, and he has a sense of satisfaction and a decent income.

 

So I don't feel guilty most days, though definitely the summer offers the occaisional week when I am really living it up and he is slaving away. Even so, he doesn't want my job, I don't want his.

[Sue G in PA]

Um, no. Dh's job is a cakewalk compared to mine. No, it's a cakewalk period. No, definitely do NOT feel guilty. No poolside excursions for us, no "living the life" while dh slaves away at a job he hates...nope nothing like that. More like...stuck home all day b/c we can't afford the gas to get anywhere fun, doing laundry, cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping w/ 7 kids, dealing w/ dc attitudes all day. Wow, better stop before I go and get bitter again. :glare:

[Dayle in Guatemala]

I feel that way sometimes also. Especially when he made a point of me staying home more and doing ministry for the base less. Then I see him working so hard to do the things I used to do for the base so that they get done. It motivates me to do a great job at everything here.

 

A friend of mine once put it to me this way, "If you think about all you do and how much it would cost to get someone else to do it, that's how much money you're bringing into the family." I also think about what I'm investing in our children. There isn't a price tag for that.

[Nestof3]

Honestly, I'm just as busy during the summer as during the school year. Right now, I take the boys to swim lessons, am planning school for this upcoming year, doing my summer purge, clean and organization, making two meals a day, keeping the house clean, and keeping the books for my husband's business.

 

My husband is actually the one getting home early each day (he mows lawns, and some grass just isn't growing right now). He has to deal with the heat, but when he comes home, he's usually bored with nothing to do.

 

He also gets almost two months off in the winter.

 

So, no, nothing to feel guilty about here. :)

 

I cannot remember a day I've ever had off -- a day where I had no laundry, no cooking, no cleaning up after people, no stress over all that needs to be done. Well, except for when we go on our anniversary weekend.

 

BUT -- I'd never want his job. I cannot stand to be dirty and sweaty. Sweat during a workout is one thing. Having dirt all over my sweaty body, being scratched by thorns and twigs, breathing mulch air, mosquitoes biting me. No thanks!

[starlashine]

I feel guilty sometimes, but, like others have said, he has perks to his role as well. We're still working out our roles, actually, I am approaching the anniversary of my lay off that led to our decision to stay home. It has been a hard adjustment for me, didn't realize how much I would miss dropping my son off at the babysitter's and going about my separate "adult" day. The guilt is the worst when he has a hard day, though now that I am home I am able to be more present and there for him when that happens. I have suggested that I go back to work many times this year, for various reasons, and I have been vetoed every time. Of course, I "thank" him a lot, so that helps things.:D

[Tina]

Yes!

I should go down to my sister's for a couple days to visit and do some field trips we don't get to otherwise. But I feel like I need to be here, available to work in the office if he should get the chance, or be available when he needs a phone number or something from his office. I know he puts in very long hours. But, otoh, my head tells me he wants the kids to enjoy their last few childhood summers... Oldest will be working in a couple years.

Really, I should plan some things for memories for kids anyway...

[Kris]

works, maybe even 2 jobs so you can stay home. During the school year I'm fine. We school around 7 hours a day, there are lessons and groups that children need to get to, that ole Mt. Laundry to climb, dinner, house cleaning, etc. But now that it's summer and my dh is still slaving away and I'm poolside with an iced coffee reading a book I feel more than a little guilty.

 

Help me! :D

 

I feel guilty all year long! I've always worked, and in my first two marriages I was the sole support of the family. So even though I've been home now for about five years, I'm still not adjusted to it. I love it, but I feel like I should be doing something on the monetary side, especially with how tight things are getting now.

 

The fact that I'm only dealing with one child doesn't help, but I don't think I'd feel less guilty if I had more! I'd just be between a rock and a hard place -- guilty if I didn't work and also if I did!

 

I just try to make sure that I do a good job at the job I *am* doing. Sweetie works so hard, we pretty much put everything on hold when he comes home and it's all about him. He has never *ever* done or said anything to make me think he feels I'm "slacking off" by staying at home, and actually tells me all the time about how "patient" I am and how he could never do what I'm doing. That, of course, isn't true, but he's so sweet. Well, he's Sweetie! :lol:

 

When we have something big coming up (and August has a lot of stuff going on that we need extra money for), all he ever says is, "How much do you need and when do you need it?" It's never "Can't we cut back on that?" or "Are you sure that's necessary." Never ever.

 

I'm spoiled rotten. :)

[runningirl71]

And that is because it is DH who really empowers me to be home. He WANTS me home. He knows how stressful it would be for our family if I did work outside the home. He likes that he can come home and get a home made meal. He likes it that I do the laundry, do most of the house cleaning {he really does do a lot! He takes care of dinner dishes and the garbage, plus he is our handy man, tinkering away on our house}. Also, he LOVES his job. It really is a dream job for him and he feels a little guilty that he gets to have such a great job while I'm at home homeschooling! Seriously! He let me go back to school for one year to do language studies when we lived overseas and he did the bulk of the homeschooling. Oh, he knows exactly what it takes to homeschool and juggle that full time job PLUS manage a house, and he is perfectly happy with me being the one to do it! :)

 

And, for all of you who have pools, it takes a lot to time and energy to take care of a pool! My Mom and Dad have one and I know how much work it can be {they have an in ground one} and I'm glad I can swim in their pool when I'm in town and don't have one myself! Does that make you feel any better??:)

 

I've had down time too this summer, although not much. I look at it as necessary for emotional/mental stability during the school year! I'm taking mental health days! :lol:

[Michelle in MO]

Honestly, I'm just as busy during the summer as during the school year. Right now, I take the boys to swim lessons, am planning school for this upcoming year, doing my summer purge, clean and organization, making two meals a day, keeping the house clean, and keeping the books for my husband's business.

 

I really, really appreciate all that my husband does---truly. He's a wonderful husband and father, very loving and patient and hard-working. I have occasional twinges of guilt, but I find that my summers are almost as busy as the rest of the school year. Homeschooling days for me are a blur of activity. I use the summer to clean closets, drawers (today I'm cleaning the oven :eek: :eek: :eek: now THAT'S a scary sight!), organize. Last week I spent the days going through our school books, getting rid of stuff we don't need any more.

 

So far we've had a pretty happy arrangement. Everything will change in the fall (hopefully it'll still be happy!) when the kids go back to school and I go back to school next year sometime!

 

BTW, dh and I used to talk about switching jobs: he thought it would be ideal if we moved to Europe for a year (yeah, right!), and I should get a job teaching English as a second language while he homeschools the girls by touring the great museums of Europe. I said, "No, honey, that should happen under my watch!" :D Really, though, it wouldn't happen. We can't afford Europe, and we'd both go to the museums, of course, and probably not much book-type homeschooling would get done, nor any work.

[Jackie in AR]

Some summers I have, but not this one. It has been non-stop so far, and no one (except the dc) is getting any "vacation" time yet.

[Remudamom]

I don't feel guilty, too much for a ranch/farm wife to do to help out. Even so, dh works hard because he wants me to be able to stay home.

[Ellie]

Nope. Not for a nanosecond.:D

 

I'm still taking care of the children and the house. That I get some goof-off time doesn't negate the rest of it.

[TravelingChris]

I don't feel guilty. I wake up earlier than he does, I go to bed later than he does. I am hardly ever not working in that I deal with all emergencies, finances, plans, and most of everything except his job. I do appreciate what he does but I think we have a pretty even jobs. He relaxes more at night and sleeps in on weedend mornings. His weekends are mostly free except when he brings home work or the two Saturdays a month when he takes our dd's to 4-H shooting. But I am not relaxing while he does that. I normally am doing shopping and chores then.

[Emmy]

I have moments where I will feel guilty - but they are typically fleeting. We each have positives and negatives to our work and honestly He gets vacations days! He also gets to travel 3-4 times a year and stay in a fancy hotel and eat fabulous dinners out with his colleagues. He gets to recharge and come back a better dad and husband because he got away. I never get to do that. A "vacation" for me involves just as much work (if not more) than staying home. I never get a day off by myself - there is no such thing as a few days away to recharge. So I don't really feel guilt over the occasional hour spent hanging out at the pool with the kids or baby naptime that I spend on myself and not the house. And I know he appreciates what I do. He's become a big believer in homeschooling and is grateful I'm willing to do it.

 

So I understand the feelings but for the most part feel like our responsibilities are evenly divided.

[Urban Girl]

I don't feel guilty at all. In fact, yesterday while ds and I were lounging by the pool, I called dh and thanked him for working hard so that we could enjoy days like that. I promised I'd "really" thank him when he got home. After we left said pool, I made him his all-time favorite dinner and had a wonderful evening:-)

[Philothea]

I don't feel guilty. He does a ton of overtime and he also has more earning power than I have.

 

Secondly, he is not on call to do the dirty jobs 24-7. Thoug his job is medical related it is mostly very relaxed-- he doesn't even wear shoes at work!

 

Being at home means there are no lunch breaks, no vacation for Mom. I'm the one cleaning up poo and vomit. I'm the one behind the curtain making sure the socks magically make their way back to the drawer, clean and folded. It doesn't stop, whereas DH is able to hang work up at the door, come home and have a bowl of ice cream and relax.

 

Neither of us want eachother's job, though I suspect Dh would love to be home more so he can spend more time with the kids.

[Elisabeth in IL]

I vacillate between feeling guilty and resentful. Guilty because I do have a great time with the kids and am doing what I have always wanted to do. Resentful because I often don't feel appreciated and supported in what I do. I kill the resentment by reminding myself that being a sahm, homeschooling my children, is my dream job. It just doesn't always look like my dreams. ;)

[Pongo]

I may be in the minority here but, I don't feel guilty, I only feel guilty when I think I have done something wrong, I don't think I've done anything wrong :)

 

I was the bread winner before we started having children, homeschooling is a decision we BOTH support and agree with. Before we had our first we put a lot into our company to put him in a position that allowed us to get here.

He has his job and perks and I have mine.

 

I get to be with our awesome children and he has the ease of mind knowing they are being cared for.

He gets to have lunch out, while I get crusts of bread and left overs.

I get to wipe 3 runny noses during cold season, he only wipes 1.

He gets to have children screaming and yell "Dad is HOME" and run down the driveway like he is a movie star...ho hum I have never had that happen:confused:

When we have family night, the kids ALL want to be on his team, I have to beg for a partner....lol

I get to be in the AC and go to the pool in the summer, he gets to eat lunch without having to tell little people to stop burping at the table, ALL year long.

I get to go on play dates, he gets to miss them:)

He gets to be home at night, I go to school (for Speech Pathology)

 

 

I know there are some things he really appreciates, clean laundry, clean house, bar-b-que's with friends and family over, the pool being taken care of, mowing the lawn. I think it all evens out in the end.

 

So nope, no guilt here.

[lynn]

No, this was our decision we talked about when we first got married. When we had children I would stay home full time. It's been 15 years. I am working on getting my business degree so dh can retire early and work his own business and I will work full time but that's 8 years off so 2 kids will be out of the house.

[Rosie_0801]

I often feel guilty about not contributing financially, but that has reduced because I get the government family tax payment so don't have to ask him for pocket money. At the moment I'm pregnant and doing very little that requires movement. Sometimes I feel guilty about that, poor dh is doing so much. Then I remember that he needs me to do this pregnancy thing, that he goes away four weekends a year, games every Saturday and that I've never had 24 hours off since having kids. Not even when I got so run down I spent 3 days in hospital.

Even with the times spent locked in the bathroom crying, I know I'd rather be doing this than what he does. Teach in public school? Ergh! He thinks he'd rather do what I do, but he's never tried it.

Guilt is just a part of motherhood, I guess.

Rosie

[Heather in Neverland]

Well, our situation is different because I am the one who works while dh does the schooling. If it is any consolation to you moms at home, I don't begrudge him his time at home because when I get home from work every day, the house is clean, the laundry is done, the schooling is done and we work on dinner together. So I figure he has had a pretty full day. Now if I came home and the house was a mess, lessons weren't done, etc., I would definitely want to know what he did all day?

[chiguirre]

No guilt at all here! I loved working, the peace and quiet, the sense of accomplishment, not being in charge of housekeeping! Unfortunately, one of us absolutely, positively has to stay home. There is no good school match for ds2 and ds1 can be difficult and finding childcare is almost impossible. Dh values my job and knows how hard it is from the few times he's had to stay alone with all 3 kids. There's no way he'd change places, so I think I've got good job security for the next 10 years.

[Jami]

I don't. :001_smile: Perhaps if my dh had a job where he actually "slaved away", I would. He loves his work, hates missing even a day. I basically have to drag him away on vacation. He loves his kids and being a dad, but he's more than ready to get back to work and leave them to me 8 hours a day after a typical weekend. Now if his job were more unpleasant or stressful, then I can certainly imagine feeling that way.

 

And his earning power is so much greater than mine, any alternate arrangement just wouldn't make much sense at this point. Though I think he'd be the better primary teacher some days, he's more naturally talented at that than I am.

[Elaine]

I don't. :001_smile: Perhaps if my dh had a job where he actually "slaved away", I would. He loves his work, hates missing even a day. I basically have to drag him away on vacation. He loves his kids and being a dad, but he's more than ready to get back to work and leave them to me 8 hours a day after a typical weekend. Now if his job were more unpleasant or stressful, then I can certainly imagine feeling that way.

 

And his earning power is so much greater than mine, any alternate arrangement just wouldn't make much sense at this point. Though I think he'd be the better primary teacher some days, he's more naturally talented at that than I am.

 

Yes, this is us exactly.:001_smile:

[LaMere Academy]

Yes, we are broke, dh works two jobs already. When we go to the beach or pool he says "must be nice"

I feel bad, poor guy doesn't even have A/C in his car. I just don't know what else to do to help out. I can't put my kids in school and get a job and I can't get a job where I have to leave the house...I can't sell anything and really not many people have the money to buy things that stay at home moms can sell right now anyway. Times are so tough. Going to the grocery store depresses me, as does looking at my gas gauge. :(

[Camy-7 boybarians 1 lady]

BTDT, Karen! Dh JUST quit his last extra job (he was working 3 for 3 years!!!). He is now working only one. What a blessing!

 

I bet your dh would be happy to know that you are enjoying yourself. He knows that you work hard with homemaking and homeschooling. It is certain that "he" is grateful for you!

 

Just give him a backrub and "pay" him back....(grin).

 

Blessings,

Camy