JAWM: "Interesting" introduction at church today

[shanvan]

For those of you not versed in the abbreviations...JAWM means just agree with me, and that really is what I'm asking for here. I don't want this thread to turn into a debate. Dh and I did our research on the issue in question and we made our decision. I am not saying it is the decision every family should make. I am more perplexed at the idea of introducing it into the first 5 minutes of the first ever conversation a person has when attending a new church. So, here goes....

 

Dh and I introduced ourselves to the parents of a young family visiting our church today. Our church is very small and we try to be welcoming, especially since we need new families desperately.

 

The mom complimented me on my Dd's piano playing. Somehow I ended up explaining that Dd has a lot of trouble with timing and that I suspect she has ADD, though I have not had her evaluated (though I've used many strategies and adaptations for ADD/ADHD students). New mom asked me if I had Dd vaccinated. I was a little taken back b/c I generally don't question people about those types of things directly after being introduced. I answered truthfully that, yes, she did have some vaccinations. New mom told me "Oh, well, that's probably why she has the ADD. Did you know that vaccines cause ADD?" I answered that I was not fully convinced on that score since my family has a history of ADD, and Ds had the same vaccines and shows non of the symptoms, and then changed the subject.

 

But, really, isn't the topic/question a little out of line when you first meet someone? What if she had said it to someone who is a die hard 'you-must-absolutely-give-your-child-every-available-vaccine-or-you-are-going-straight-to-hell' sort of person? Furthermore, isn't it silly to ask if I knew the vaccines would give her ADD? What if I said Oh, yes, I knew, I just wanted her to have the precious experience of struggling with learning? Other not-so-nice and highly offensive responses have also popped into my head. Lastly, there are so many studies that point to various 'contributing factors' for ADD and other LDs, disorders and syndromes, I highly doubt that anyone has the absolute definitive answer at this point.

 

I'll give the new mom the benefit of the doubt b/c she's young and obviously holds deep convictions about vaccinations. But, really, it's been a rough week and after all I've done to help Dd, and the continuing research I am doing to keep helping her, I really didn't need someone telling me I caused all her problems b/c I made the wrong choice. Maybe new mom is just awkward in conversation. IDK

 

[Ipsey]

For those of you not versed in the abbreviations...JAWM means just agree with me, and that really is what I'm asking for here. I don't want this thread to turn into a debate. Dh and I did our research on the issue in question and we made our decision. I am not saying it is the decision every family should make. I am more perplexed at the idea of introducing it into the first 5 minutes of the first ever conversation a person has when attending a new church. So, here goes....

 

Dh and I introduced ourselves to the parents of a young family visiting our church today. Our church is very small and we try to be welcoming, especially since we need new families desperately.

 

The mom complimented me on my Dd's piano playing. Somehow I ended up explaining that Dd has a lot of trouble with timing and that I suspect she has ADD, though I have not had her evaluated (though I've used many strategies and adaptations for ADD/ADHD students). New mom asked me if I had Dd vaccinated. I was a little taken back b/c I generally don't question people about those types of things directly after being introduced. I answered truthfully that, yes, she did have some vaccinations. New mom told me "Oh, well, that's probably why she has the ADD. Did you know that vaccines cause ADD?" I answered that I was not fully convinced on that score since my family has a history of ADD, and Ds had the same vaccines and shows non of the symptoms, and then changed the subject.

 

But, really, isn't the topic/question a little out of line when you first meet someone? What if she had said it to someone who is a die hard 'you-must-absolutely-give-your-child-every-available-vaccine-or-you-are-going-straight-to-hell' sort of person? Furthermore, isn't it silly to ask if I knew the vaccines would give her ADD? What if I said Oh, yes, I knew, I just wanted her to have the precious experience of struggling with learning? Other not-so-nice and highly offensive responses have also popped into my head. Lastly, there are so many studies that point to various 'contributing factors' for ADD and other LDs, disorders and syndromes, I highly doubt that anyone has the absolute definitive answer at this point.

 

I'll give the new mom the benefit of the doubt b/c she's young and obviously holds deep convictions about vaccinations. But, really, it's been a rough week and after all I've done to help Dd, and the continuing research I am doing to keep helping her, I really didn't need someone telling me I caused all her problems b/c I made the wrong choice. Maybe new mom is just awkward in conversation. IDK

 

 

 

:glare:

This for the young mother who was either ignorant or rude.

 

:grouphug: to you.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Going to church doesn't inoculate (get the pun?) people from being socially dysfunctional. Yes, it was strange for her to say. And you didn't do or say anything wrong.

[catz]

That is completely obnoxious IMHO and I'm not saying that just to agree with you. What a whack-a-doodle. :glare:

[Pink Fairy]

Weird. But I had many rigid beliefs about child-rearing when I was a young mom, even if I usually had the sense not to impose them on people when we first met. Hopefully she's not a social nincompoop, and it was just a slip.

 

:grouphug: I have two ADD kids, and two others with anxiety/OCD issues. The last thing I need is for anyone to tell me I did something to cause these problems.

[stripe]

New mom asked me if I had Dd vaccinated. I was a little taken back b/c I generally don't question people about those types of things directly after being introduced. I answered truthfully that, yes, she did have some vaccinations. New mom told me "Oh, well, that's probably why she has the ADD. Did you know that vaccines cause ADD?"

 

 

it seems more about her desire to validate her conception than get to know you better. I too would rather not have someone with no medical background try to diagnose the causes of whatever issue of my kids immediately upon meeting them. :grouphug: Don't let it get under your skin.

[shanvan]

Going to church doesn't inoculate (get the pun?) people from being socially dysfunctional. Yes, it was strange for her to say. And you didn't do or say anything wrong.

 

:lol: Thanks, I needed that.

[Jpoy85]

I thought JAWM was "Just A Whiny Mom" :lol:

 

(i really did think it meant that, lol)

[LucyStoner]

Ugh! I hate it when people do that. Seriously. Since we have a son with Autism, it comes up more than you might think.

 

I just make a mental note that this person is not the sharpest tool in the shed...

[Remudamom]

New moms are like new converts. They are over zealous and need to be kept in a box for a while. She'll learn.

[Laurie4b]

Low EQ. Very socially inappropriate. Will probably be socially inappropriate in other ways as well.

[funschooler5]

Ugh! I hate it when people do that. Seriously. Since we have a son with Autism, it comes up more than you might think.

 

just make a mental note that this person is not the sharpest tool in the shed...

 

:lol: and :iagree:

[Lucy in Australia]

We've had families like that...:glare: Within 5 minutes we'd been firmly lectured on various topics. I'll be interested to hear if this family hangs around. The ones we've had haven't lasted very long- probably because they weren't able to bring everyone around to their way of thinking. They also had loud & uncompromising ideas on church matters which got ugly.

 

PS Hugs to you and your daughter and good on her for being willing to play at church. We could use her, at the moment :)

[Lolly]

Yeah, that is an odd one for a first few minutes of conversation; both the vaccinations and the explaining the ADD possibility. Sometimes we just talk when we are meeting someone for the first time and nerves don't let us realize we have jumped over the boundaries of acceptable first time conversation. Good for you for speaking to a first time guest at your church. There is nothing worse than church visiting and having no one speak to you at all!!

[cin]

Turn her loose on me. My oldest has ADD and mild Asperger's. Yes, she has all her shots. She was horribly abused her first year, do you think MAYBE the abuse & 8 broken bones had any effect on her???? My youngest, who is also up to date on all her shots, is JUST FINE. They both came home at about 12 mos old. Oh, and doe they also call sensory integration issues, because she has that too. And really, is ADD worse than dying from some of those diseases? At least my children are still with me

 

OK, so I wouldn't really say any of that stuff, but I would think it. And I'd try maintain a polite demeanor while passing the bean dip.

[cave canem]

I agree with you that her remarks were inappropriate.

 

However, I can't imagine telling a stranger--that my family might well expect to have further dealings with--my daughter's status with respect to ADD. That seems like a violation of her privacy right off the bat. Maybe this woman just thought you were open to chatting about manifold aspects of ADD as it relates to your daughter.

 

If someone thinks your daughter plays well, no need to bring up her weaknesses.

[myfunnybunch]

I'll give the new mom the benefit of the doubt b/c she's young and obviously holds deep convictions about vaccinations. But, really, it's been a rough week and after all I've done to help Dd, and the continuing research I am doing to keep helping her, I really didn't need someone telling me I caused all her problems b/c I made the wrong choice. Maybe new mom is just awkward in conversation. IDK

 

 

I agree with you, and I think you're right that she's probably just awkward. Likely she's so focused on her viewpoints about vaccination in general that she really had NO idea how she came across.

[Impish]

New moms are like new converts. They are over zealous and need to be kept in a box for a while. She'll learn.

Yup. Thinking of it, I think 'new' anything pretty much works that way.

 

Newly weds have all the marriage answers.

New parents know all about every possible kid issue.

New hs'ers know all the best curric, how to do things, etc.

 

Yup. 'New' can def = obnoxious. :lol:

[shanvan]

If someone thinks your daughter plays well, no need to bring up her weaknesses.

 

Have you been talking to my Dh? :lol: He said the same thing, but I realized it before he brought it to my attention. You are absolutely correct. My own little inappropriate moment. I think I did it b/c it's on my mind a lot how I can help her with it. I've been researching metronome exercises tonight. And, someone who knows about piano will realize the timing is off.

[Sara in AZ]

I agree with you. That was weird. I once had a woman I didn't really know at Suzuki class strike up a conversation with me. She commented on my chubby baby comparing my baby to her baby, who was about the same age, but not quite as chubby. Then she giggled a little as she explained to me how she just got back from a week long trip she had to take without the baby for some reason, and how the baby wouldn't take a bottle and didn't eat much the whole week. So now she was trying to get baby to gain some more and get back to the breast. ??????? Why was she telling me that horrifying information that I didn't want to know? So weird. I'm really good at smiling and walking away.

[Slartibartfast]

I agree with you, and I think you're right that she's probably just awkward. Likely she's so focused on her viewpoints about vaccination in general that she really had NO idea how she came across.

 

:iagree:

 

It is hard for some to meet new people. I would shrug it off unless it got excessive, then I would ask her to drop it, politely.

[marbel]

I agree with you that her remarks were inappropriate.

 

However, I can't imagine telling a stranger--that my family might well expect to have further dealings with--my daughter's status with respect to ADD. That seems like a violation of her privacy right off the bat. Maybe this woman just thought you were open to chatting about manifold aspects of ADD as it relates to your daughter.

 

If someone thinks your daughter plays well, no need to bring up her weaknesses.

 

That's what I was thinking. I think you kind of opened up the opportunity for her. Sorry! I know I broke the rule of the thread!

[1bassoon]

I realized it before he brought it to my attention. You are absolutely correct. My own little inappropriate moment. I think I did it b/c it's on my mind a lot how I can help her with it.

 

I've done the same thing, more times than I can count.

 

As to the new mom? Maybe her own vaccinations have altered her social skills! ;)

[3peasinWa]

That's what I was thinking. I think you kind of opened up the opportunity for her. Sorry! I know I broke the rule of the thread!

 

I thought the same thing. doesn't excuse her comment - but you got rather personal for an initial introduction.......

[kalanamak]

I thought the same thing. doesn't excuse her comment - but you got rather personal for an initial introduction.......

 

Yup, gush and you get gush back. And, JAWM (;)).

[G5052]

Going to church doesn't inoculate (get the pun?) people from being socially dysfunctional. Yes, it was strange for her to say. And you didn't do or say anything wrong.

 

I'm afraid that the intimate nature of fellowship and worship makes people feel that they can put out zingers that would never fly elsewhere. I'm continously amazed at the things that some people feel that they can say at church to other people to "help." Things that they'd never say in other social settings or at work.

 

:grouphug:

[basschick]

I would think it was really weird if a person I just met started talking to me about their child possibly having ADD and or undermining their talents, so perhaps she was trying to build rapport by mirroring the inappropriateness? Maybe?

[fraidycat]

I agree with you that her remarks were inappropriate.

 

However, I can't imagine telling a stranger--that my family might well expect to have further dealings with--my daughter's status with respect to ADD. That seems like a violation of her privacy right off the bat. Maybe this woman just thought you were open to chatting about manifold aspects of ADD as it relates to your daughter.

 

If someone thinks your daughter plays well, no need to bring up her weaknesses.

 

:iagree:

 

I will JAWY, to a point...

 

I think BOTH of you made some socially awkward statements right off the bat, and it started with you. So, I would not be judging this person as "not the sharpest tool in the shed" without painting myself with that very same brush, if I were you.

 

If I compliment someone's child, I don't want their medical history, I just wanted them to know that I enjoyed whatever the child said or did. End of story.

[Pamela H in Texas]

Yes, it was a bit much. And you're right, where was she going to be able to go with that. See, I JAWY :)

 

However, you kinda started it. Thank you would have been appropriate and would have headed off any such conversation. Of course, taking compliments on behalf of our children is HARD! I had the same experience after my daughter gave a good answer this morning (but it wasn't my fault! The lady who gave the compliment has a son that answers better than 90% of adults!).

 

BUT, just because someone gives us an opening doesn't mean we should take it. So I'm still JAingWY :)

[Samiam]

I agree with you that her remarks were inappropriate.

 

However, I can't imagine telling a stranger--that my family might well expect to have further dealings with--my daughter's status with respect to ADD. That seems like a violation of her privacy right off the bat. Maybe this woman just thought you were open to chatting about manifold aspects of ADD as it relates to your daughter.

 

If someone thinks your daughter plays well, no need to bring up her weaknesses.

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree: I do think that new, young moms are "know it all's"...after all, they usually spent the last few months/years (depending the age of their children) researching and reading all about how to be a parent. You'll probably be her "proof" story (I met this mom who was telling me all about her struggles with her daughter's ADD, and sure enough, the daughter HAD been vaccinated! Told ya so!!). Most of us were probably that mom, shoot, I know I was. Live and learn.

 

So yeah, she was a bit overzealous...but I think you opened the door to that , when you announced to a stranger that your DD has ADD, and how you've struggled to deal with it. TMI for someone you just meet. A gracious "Thank you, how kind of you to say so", would have been sufficient.

 

So give too much, get too much, lol.

Edited November 5, 2012 by Samiam

[shanvan]

I would think it was really weird if a person I just met started talking to me about their child possibly having ADD and or undermining their talents, so perhaps she was trying to build rapport by mirroring the inappropriateness? Maybe?

 

Wow, now I'm undermining my child's talents. The day gets better and better.

 

To clarify she is a 'new mom' in the sense that she has a new baby and is new to our church.

 

So you will understand context, besides having a new baby, she has a 6 yr old she expressed having trouble teaching him. Which was part of the reason for my comment. It was was meant to show that I have my own struggles. So, while it may appear that Dd has it all together, we have our share of troubles. It was also me thinking out loud something I probably won't share again. I am also proud of my Dd's accomplishments and amazed at what she is doing considering her struggles.

 

While, I have said I considered my comment a little off, I'd hardly consider it in the same category as suggesting that a parent caused their own child's problems by choosing to vaccinate.

[AK_Mom4]

I'm afraid that the intimate nature of fellowship and worship makes people feel that they can put out zingers that would never fly elsewhere. I'm continously amazed at the things that some people feel that they can say at church to other people to "help." Things that they'd never say in other social settings or at work.

 

:grouphug:

 

:iagree: I can totally see this happening at our church, which seems to attract more than it's share of folks with strong opinions about stuff.

 

And I totally agree with you - it was a strange comment.

[shanvan]

:iagree:

 

I will JAWY, to a point...

 

I think BOTH of you made some socially awkward statements right off the bat, and it started with you. So, I would not be judging this person as "not the sharpest tool in the shed" without painting myself with that very same brush, if I were you.

 

If I compliment someone's child, I don't want their medical history, I just wanted them to know that I enjoyed whatever the child said or did. End of story.

 

That was not my comment on the situation.

[Samiam]

Wow, now I'm undermining my child's talents. The day gets better and better.

 

 

 

While, I have said I considered my comment a little off, I'd hardly consider it in the same category as suggesting that a parent caused their own child's problems by choosing to vaccinate.

 

Without being there, and hearing the mom's tone, facial expressions, etc, I have to say you seem to be taking it too personal. I bet she had no intention of telling you that you caused your daughter's problems. She likely was sharing the information that she thinks is valid, as part of a conversation.

 

I doubt she was telling you to make you feel like a horrible parent, to tell you that you are a monster, or any thing else in that realm. I think that you didn't like hearing what she said, so you took it as a dagger straight to your heart, when she was simply having a conversation (that yes, probably didn't need to be a conversation in that time/place/context, but whole conversation is a bit awkward it seems).

 

I am thinking that you probably get riled up a bit every time the vaccinate/don't vaccinate conversation comes up in life, because you have one child with ADD, and one without, though both were vaccinated so it riles you up that people want to blame vaccinations for the ADD. You want to show that you have "proof" that vaccinations don't cause it, because you have a family history and one child who does not have it but is vaccinated. I feel this is a sore point in your life so her bringing it up in a casual way stoked your fires immediately.

 

That's how I see it. Perhaps I assume waaaay too much. Either way, I doubt she was accusing you of trying to purposefully inflict harm. I'd forget about it and move on.

[Joanne]

Did you know that if my dd just avoided nightshades and got off gluten, she would would not have juvenile rheumatoid arthritis?

 

So said a similarly boundary challenged guru to me about 7 years ago.

 

I feel your pain, and I agree with you. ;)

[LucyStoner]

 

While, I have said I considered my comment a little off, I'd hardly consider it in the same category as suggesting that a parent caused their own child's problems by choosing to vaccinate.

 

 

I totally agree. Yeah, you over shared a bit and a bit soon. That does not invite ill informed and unsolicited medical statements.

[SKL]

The question was her testing her hypothesis. The "did you know" was her being an idiot. Neither was appropriate.

 

I too have a daughter who seems to present new issues to me every day. I get a lot of "well-meant advice" such as "you should have done x" from a certain friend. Often while my dd is listening. Today it was "if you don't take my advice ASAP you're going to ruin your dd's life." Awesome.

[LibraryLover]

 

If someone thinks your daughter plays well, no need to bring up her weaknesses.

 

 

I agree. Maybe the new mom was trying (?) to make you feel better about the (lesser?) performance by blaming the vax instead of the child?

 

I have no idea. Those situations are tircky. I always enjoy watching children perform their little musical hearts out. I get an ooky feeling if someone says the child didn't do well. I don't have a great ear, but I want to be supportive of the child. If a parent tells me their child didn't do well, I am all jello. I try not to be jello, but some commentary turns me to jello. I also know some people say things they should not.

 

I have learned to say, no matter, "You must be so proud!" No matter what. It takes some time, ime, not to try and reassure the explaining, upset, nervous etc parent. I think the younger you are, the more you care, and the more you think you can 'help'. lol In the end, "You must be so proud. He/she is darling" , is the only answer.

Edited November 5, 2012 by LibraryLover

[shanvan]

Without being there, and hearing the mom's tone, facial expressions, etc, I have to say you seem to be taking it too personal. I bet she had no intention of telling you that you caused your daughter's problems. She likely was sharing the information that she thinks is valid, as part of a conversation.

 

I doubt she was telling you to make you feel like a horrible parent, to tell you that you are a monster, or any thing else in that realm. I think that you didn't like hearing what she said, so you took it as a dagger straight to your heart, when she was simply having a conversation (that yes, probably didn't need to be a conversation in that time/place/context, but whole conversation is a bit awkward it seems).

 

I am thinking that you probably get riled up a bit every time the vaccinate/don't vaccinate conversation comes up in life, because you have one child with ADD, and one without, though both were vaccinated so it riles you up that people want to blame vaccinations for the ADD. You want to show that you have "proof" that vaccinations don't cause it, because you have a family history and one child who does not have it but is vaccinated. I feel this is a sore point in your life so her bringing it up in a casual way stoked your fires immediately.

 

That's how I see it. Perhaps I assume waaaay too much. Either way, I doubt she was accusing you of trying to purposefully inflict harm. I'd forget about it and move on.

 

Yes, you assume too much. The vaccination debate does not enter my mind often at all, nor do I get riled up about it. I am not on a quest for proof about the causes of ADD. I leave that to other people with more time on their hands. I'm only out to educate my Dc. This is the first time I've had vaccinations enter into a conversation IRL. I simply thought it was an odd thing to say the same way it would be odd to bring up any controversial subject and mention that's why the parent is dealing with such and such problem. You know, like telling a mom "if you would just spank your kids they wouldn't act like that." Maybe not the best example, but all I can come up with now. I'm tired.

 

I admitted it's been a rough week. Yes, I may be somewhat oversensitive. Of course I'll be moving on. What else would I do? :confused:

[SKL]

Oh, and I tend to overshare my kids' issues too, especially when I feel it likely that others will silently judge them anyway. Somehow it seems less threatening if I volunteer the reason why she's acting unusual. I do realize that many parents would not choose to do this.

 

I also agree that if I offer up the fact that my kid is having certain problems, I can't be irritated if people join the discussion by inputting their own observations. But it's one thing to suggest an evaluation or possible course of action, and quite another to declare that a past choice caused the problem.

 

The exception would be if the mom thought that was the same reason her own child had problems.

[Catwoman]

The mom complimented me on my Dd's piano playing. Somehow I ended up explaining that Dd has a lot of trouble with timing and that I suspect she has ADD, though I have not had her evaluated (though I've used many strategies and adaptations for ADD/ADHD students).

 

 

Next time around, when someone pays your child a compliment, smile and say, "Thank you." No further explanation is necessary.

 

I cannot, for the life of me, imagine why you would have mentioned anything potentially negative about your dd to a complete stranger. :confused: Why wouldn't you want people to think the best of your dd??? The woman was impressed with her piano playing. Why didn't you just let it go? Why would you feel that you needed to somehow negate the compliment?

 

I am assuming that your dd didn't overhear your comments, because if she had, I would have thought you were even more out of line.

 

Sorry. I know this is a JAWM thread, and I do agree with you that the woman should have kept her mouth shut about the vaccine thing, but you were the one who opened the door, and it sounds like she was just trying to be helpful (or a know-it-all, depending on her tone.:tongue_smilie:)

[J9Mommy]

I agree with you that her remarks were inappropriate.

 

However, I can't imagine telling a stranger--that my family might well expect to have further dealings with--my daughter's status with respect to ADD. That seems like a violation of her privacy right off the bat. Maybe this woman just thought you were open to chatting about manifold aspects of ADD as it relates to your daughter.

 

If someone thinks your daughter plays well, no need to bring up her weaknesses.

 

I agree. I think since you were so open about a private matter, she felt like she could jump in about her thoughts in regards to ADD.

 

P.S. I often over share as well. My hubby jokes I tell everyone my life story within minutes of knowing them.

Edited November 5, 2012 by J9Mommy
+ P.S.

[shanvan]

I agree. Maybe the new mom was trying (?) to make you feel better about the (lesser?) performance by blaming the vax instead of the child's talent?

 

I have no idea. Those situations are tircky. I always enjoy watching children perform their little musical hearts out. I get an ooky feeling if someone says the child didn't do well. I don't have a great ear, but I want to be supportive of the child. If a parent tells me their child didn't do well, I am all jello.

 

Oh, boy! I'm messing up my description of the situation. I should not have posted b/c I'm too tired to do a good job. Dd did very well and most of her timing was good. I was proud of her for getting past the timing issue in this case. And, she does have talent at piano. She can make a bunch of notes that aren't even part of the piece sound very emotional--even though she read them wrong, played them wrong, and with incorrect timing. I remember one lesson when her teacher's comment was "Well, that sounded lovely and it was very interesting....(pause)...but, that isn't what is on the page in front of you. Let's look at it again." Since that day I pay closer attention to her practices.

 

I also want to add that, during my conversation today my Dd was nowhere near us. She was at the piano. Of course, I can see now that "thank you" might have been a better reply. I will say though, that it helps me to hear parents talk about struggles they've faced. I am highly suspicious of parents who make everything look perfect all the time.

[LibraryLover]

I agree the other mother should not have said what she did.

 

We all make mistakes. Nobody is perfect. Not a one of is, nor any of our children. The young mom might be feeling on the 'perfect' side because her children are so young. Try not to worry about that. We all want a time where we believe we are doing everything right.

 

Oh, boy! I'm messing up my description of the situation. I should not have posted b/c I'm too tired to do a good job. Dd did very well and most of her timing was good. I was proud of her for getting past the timing issue in this case. And, she does have talent at piano. She can make a bunch of notes that aren't even part of the piece sound very emotional--even though she read them wrong, played them wrong, and with incorrect timing. I remember one lesson when her teacher's comment was "Well, that sounded lovely and it was very interesting....(pause)...but, that isn't what is on the page in front of you. Let's look at it again." Since that day I pay closer attention to her practices.

 

I also want to add that, during my conversation today my Dd was nowhere near us. She was at the piano. Of course, I can see now that "thank you" might have been a better reply. I will say though, that it helps me to hear parents talk about struggles they've faced. I am highly suspicious of parents who make everything look perfect all the time.

Edited November 5, 2012 by LibraryLover

[fraidycat]

That was not my comment on the situation.

 

I realize that. I didn't mean to come across that you were saying that. This was my comment in response to the "advice" you'd received earlier in the thread. Sorry, I probably should have phrased it better.

 

I was just saying that neither party in the conversation can claim stellar social skills based on this incident, so it rubbed me the wrong way when everyone was jumping on "new mom" for her part in the faux pas. We ALL have them. There is a "stupid things I've said" type thread going presently, where we get to claim our own stupid foot-in-mouth moments.

[gardenmom5]

The mom complimented me on my Dd's piano playing. Somehow I ended up explaining that Dd has a lot of trouble with timing and that I suspect she has ADD,

 

New mom told me "Oh, well, that's probably why she has the ADD. Did you know that vaccines cause ADD?"

 

 

yes new mom was over the line, but so were you in stating to a perfect stranger you thought your dd has ADD. (for whatever reason.) at best you can call it even.

Edited November 5, 2012 by gardenmom5

[Catwoman]

I also want to add that, during my conversation today my Dd was nowhere near us. She was at the piano. Of course, I can see now that "thank you" might have been a better reply. I will say though, that it helps me to hear parents talk about struggles they've faced. I am highly suspicious of parents who make everything look perfect all the time.

 

I'm very relieved to hear that your dd didn't hear the conversation.

 

And no one has suggested that you should "make everything look perfect all the time." It's not bragging to accept a compliment graciously. No one said you should ramble on about how your dd is a piano prodigy and would probably get a full scholarship to Juilliard any day now -- we just said that there was no need to point out your dd's weaknesses to a complete stranger. I think you're too nice -- you were trying too hard not to brag! :D

Edited November 5, 2012 by Catwoman

[basschick]

Oh we'll, we're all a little weird and quirky, and we all say things we wished we didn't.

[shanvan]

I'm very relieved to hear that your dd didn't hear the conversation.

 

And no one has suggested that you should "make everything look perfect all the time."

 

Oh, I know. i just meant that is part of where I am coming from and she had just shared some difficulties she is having with her Ds.

I think you were trying too hard to not seem like you were bragging! :D

You may be right about that, though I hadn't thought of it that way before.

[Catwoman]

You may be right about that, though I hadn't thought of it that way before.

 

Just because someone says something negative about their own child, doesn't mean you have to share something negative about your own. You can be very gracious toward them, without giving out any personal information at all.

 

I know what you mean about the obnoxious parents -- they're the ones who hear that someone else's kid is having a particular problem, and they launch into a big story about how incredibly perfect their own kids are, and how they would never have any problems with their own little angels. :glare: