Is this border-line hoarding? Help!

[Annabel Lee]

How do can I just toss out perfectly good stuff? For some reason, it bothers me unless I sell it or know someone who I'm positive will put it to good use. How can I get rid of sets (little people, geotrax, etc.) if I haven't got everything from each set all together yet? I store things until I'm sure I've got all the pieces & parts that go with something together and then I can get rid of it. I hate taking things to the second-hand store to drop off if they look like I could sell them. I've had no time for yard sales, no place for storage, and yet it's still hard to just let it GO. Talk me into it. Make me internalize that the square footage & decluttered house are worth more than I'd ever get for all this stuff. Our finances influence my thinking, but something my dad said has always stuck with me: "I already put money into this stuff and I can't afford to throw money away. I sure don't have the money to replace it [with current needs] so I'd better sell it." Of course, he's the one with storage sheds, connexes, and rental storage units (they're all clean & very nicely organized... but still). *sigh* I've actually shed tears over this. It's time; I have to beat this. I don't mean to make it sound like a Hoarders show, it's not that far gone, but it's steadily gotten worse over the years because I don't throw out "perfectly good" things. My house is tiny with no storage areas which magnifies the situation. The visual clutter is driving me nuts and I hate trying to homeschool (or anything, really) in the midst of a mess.

If you've been through something like this, can you offer any help?

[Remudamom]

Let it go. Let it go. Let it go. If you have nice toys take them to a place where some children may benefit from them. Donate. It can be such a blessing to someone.

[Alice]

Let it go.

 

Think of it this way....the money you spent buying whatever it is is gone. You can’t get it back. You aren’t throwing the money away. The time to have that conversation is BEFORE YOU BUY IT. Once it’s bought, the money is gone. If it’s now making you unhappy in your house then it should go. It doesn’t somehow make the money better spent to keep the item if you aren’t using it frequently.

 

If your mind starts thinking that you could sell it and get some money back be realistic. How much are you really going to get? I’ve organized large yard sales for my church and I saw a lot of people totally overestimate what their stuff was worth. “I paid $50, it’s worth at least $25”. Well, no it isn’t. It’s worth what people will pay and that is often much much less at a yard sale. Be realistic about the time and effort a big sale is, do you want to spend your time that way? How much is your time worth?

 

You don’t have to just trash it. You can donate it and know that you’ve probably made someone really happy (even if you don’t know them). We’ve used freecycle a lot which is always nice because then we hear how happy the person is. We do freecycle by email and then leave the stuff on the front porch. I know others who aren’t comfortable with that, you can also arrange another point of pickup.

 

It sounds like your stuff is making you unhappy. Think about how much you would pay to have someone come in and clean and make your house look the way you want it. Or how much you would pay to do something special to feel better. Instead, just get rid of the stuff.

[Susan in KY]

Think of some place that it would be put to better use. Shriner's Hospital? Ronald MacDonald House? Maybe your beauty salon needs a toy bin? If you brainstorm, you can come up with all sorts of possibilities that will feel better than the thrift store. Just be willing to go there if you need to. I off-loaded so much stuff last year (books, toys, clothes) and can't recall anything specific except for a sweater I wish I still had. I have more to do, but getting it OUT makes an enormous difference to live-ability when you have only three closets and no storage. You won't regret it once you have that space back.

[IsabelC]

What the PPs said.

 

Remember that it costs time, energy and money to keep stuff, so it's wasteful to keep it if you aren't using it.

 

Liberate that clutter!!

[kolamum]

I have a solution to your problem:

 

1. Move as far around the world as you can go before you'd start circling back again.

 

2. Pick a lovely home to live in, that you can make lovelier thus making the owner want to kick you out so they can move back in. Repeat this x2. Then rent a home where the owner fibs on her government loan application thus sticking you in the middle of the problem & eventually resulting in your need to move yet again.

 

3. Help your mil move 3x in less then 2 years; & help her prepare for yet another move. Each one where she has to downsize her possessions by half even though she could make use of every stinking dustball known to mankind.

 

Pretty sure by the time you finish with that you'll never care again if you hold on to ANYTHING. EVER. ;)

[Mommyfaithe]

See if your area has a freecycle....then list, and get rid of it. You will feel so much better!!!

[teachermom2834]

Don't pass your attachment to stuff on to your children. Take it from someone married to the child of a hoarder.

 

I have seen this problem get worse over time so you are smart to try to deal with it now even if it isn't a full blown hoarders episode.

 

Sometimes just getting the stuff out of your life is payment enough.

[Pamela H in Texas]

Even on Clean Sweep, they do sell some things. You probably could organize a garage sale to just get rid of it, make other people happy and make a little money. Plan it like a move so you'll get EVERYTHInG in it.

 

In my area, there is a Facebook page for selling things (well, several. Oneforgeneral, kids, big stuff, plus size, high end, crafts, etc). Some people have set times they meet people so it could be a time that works for you and you won't have to cater to others. Then post a pic and short description of however many items you can deal with at a time. Some people even have trunk sales for many similar items (like all the clothing their four kids wore from 6mo to 6years.

[Pamela H in Texas]

Of course a Big trip to the thrift shop benefiting the women's shelter or goodwill may be more appropriate. We have done that also.

 

Or set it all on the curb and post on Craigslist that it is there.

 

And then there is the choice to trash it. Not the most environmentally sound idea, but...

[Night Elf]

One thing with money, I don't look at the end value of something I purchased. I look at the usability value. Say I paid $50 for a Playmobil set that got played with for a year. That's about .14 cents a day. I've owned very few things that weren't used at some some point by someone. And the things that didn't get used, got sold and I lost money on the deal. That will happen sometimes. Mostly that happened with curriculum.

 

If you're trying to find small parts to large sets, you'll have to turn over the room where the toys are likely to be. If you have no idea where they might be, it's time to chalk it up as being incomplete and get rid of it. It's okay, really.

 

And honestly, you don't sound like you have a problem, but if you really do and it's bothering you to the point that you're reaching a standstill with your home project and/or affecting your life, then maybe it's time to see a counselor to help identify what's going on.

[stripe]

I find it a bit hard to let go of things, but I honestly feel a big sense of relief once they're gone because I have more space and can find the stuff I want. Try to send it the way of a relevant organization or even a thrift shop and just tell yourself the right person will find it. There are also a lot of organizations that collect toys for holiday purposes. The fact is, a very large number of Americans have too much stuff, so even the charities and thrift stores turn things down. My husband went to four different places last week with a load of stuff for me before anyone would take it! But we have been cleaning out my house and it looks SO, SO much better and feels more enjoyable already. And don't put it in storage!

[Carrie12345]

I have leaned toward trashing over selling and donating. Because here's the thing - I just spent a YEAR selling (local FB group for selling and trading, a few WTM sales, and one group yard sale) and donating (local church closet and the neighborhood yellow bins) and it didn't make a dent.

 

Sure, I probably made around $500 total, but that $500 cost me another year of living in clutter with the fear that I might eventually become a real hoarder. That is not okay with me!

 

This summer, I made sure to max my garbage can allowance every week. No, I don't want to contribute to overflowing landfills, but is it any worse than letting the junk overflow my own home? No. I just have to be more careful when buying from here on out.

[Mama Geek]

You can also get into the habit of for every 1 thing you bring in you get rid of 2 things. So you buy a toy and you get rid of 2 toys or you buy a piece of clothing and you get rid of 2 pieces. If the stuff has value you can sell on craigslist, but it will really depend on what it is.

[Bassoonaroo]

If you decide on a garage sale, you must follow the rule that says: It's not coming back into the house (or backyard...) ever again. What doesn't sell must immediately leave your property as soon as the sale is over!

 

Why it's good to get rid of seldom-used things:

 

1) House looks better.

2) Someone else gets a chance at a new-to-them toy or whatever

3) You will have more room in storage cabinets and closets, meaning that the remaining things won't be crowded any more.

4) You teach your children that items come into your lives to bless you and when they are done blessing you, they then enter someone else's life to bless him.

5) It burdens kids with a lot less stuff once they move away.

6) It gives you less to dust, insure, fix, store, etc. Getting rid of stuff makes not only room in your house, but time in your life!

7) Paring down means that the remaining items are more important. If your ds has four pairs of baseball pants, he's likely to get lazy about caring for them because he knows where to find at least one pair. If he has just one pair, he'll hopefully take better care of them, making sure they get washed and put up...

[HelenNotOfTroy]

If you donate to a thrift store, it is there and then cheap enough for a poor person who could not otherwise afford it. With the price of gas and possibly lack of car, it is much harder for that poor person to come to your home for a yard sale.

[Heather in Neverland]

1. Get some boxes

 

2. Go through your house and if you find an item you have not used in the last year put it in the box.

 

3. When a box is full, tape it shut with duct tape. DO NOT LABEL IT.

 

4. Stack the boxes somewhere.

 

5. Wait 3 months. DO NOT OPEN THE BOXES FOR ANY REASON.

 

6. After 3 months, Take all those boxes to the goodwill/salvation army/etc.

 

That's it! After 3 months you will forget what is in the boxes, you will have learned to live without whatever is in the boxes, and you obviously do not need it anyways. That's what I did. :D

 

 

 

.

[airforcefamily]

We move very frequently and are limited as to how much our household goods can weigh (without paying overage charges) and with a big family we have to have more beds, clothes, dishes, etc. than other families so we have to keep other 'stuff' to a minimum. It is hard for me sometimes to let things go but, honestly, I feel really good when I can pack up a box to donate.

 

As far as hanging on to sets until all the pieces are together before getting rid of it - don't bother. The on base spouses group at a past base ran a thrift shop where I volunteered. They would get parts of sets, combine them, and sell them like that. Let's say they had a bunch of playmobile pieces or parts of lego sets, they would put them in ziploc bags to sell. If a toy was missing parts they would wait until someone donated the missing pieces. Let the thrift store keep, organize, and put together the sets instead of letting them clutter up your house.

[Joanne]

The suggestions and thinking patterns suggested in this thread won't help you right now. Hoarding is an anxiety issue; a brain issue. Until you TREAT that, none of the practical suggestions will help. There are lots of analogies, but a band aid is probably the simplest.

 

If mental health challenges run in your bio family, I encourage you to get qualified, licensed mental health support.

 

It sounds like your anxiety is tied to perception of security.

[Laura Corin]

The suggestions and thinking patterns suggested in this thread won't help you right now. Hoarding is an anxiety issue; a brain issue. Until you TREAT that, none of the practical suggestions will help. There are lots of analogies, but a band aid is probably the simplest.

 

 

My mother hoards (but not too badly) but she is herself aware that it is due to insecurity: holding onto things makes her feel more safe. Her childhood was full of loss and separation.

 

Laura

[elegantlion]

I think there is some validity in not wanting to throw out perfectly good stuff. It adds to the trash, someone else could use it, etc. However, there is nothing that says I have to be the one that holds onto it. I have hoarders in my family. They physically cannot let go of an item, it's very deep-seated. Going to visit them is cathartic in a way. I come home and purge.

 

Do you have someone that will take items to a donation center? If so bag up stuff in dark garbage bags (no you can't see what's in it), and schedule a pick up. Some places will come to your home.

 

If the thought is overwhelming, start with one area.

 

I have been fortunate that I've purchased a lot of good stuff at thrift stores. It's not just poor people that shop there. :tongue_smilie: I try to view it in that light. I'm helping someone else get a good deal by releasing the item.

[stripe]

I think there is some validity in not wanting to throw out perfectly good stuff. It adds to the trash, someone else could use it, etc. However, there is nothing that says I have to be the one that holds onto it.

I wonder too if it's not a sign of mental illness that one is supposed to buy all this stuff and then madly toss it out a few months later. Storage units are a huge industry in this country so simply having many possessions (and hanging on to them for longer than one needs to) is pretty common.

 

It isn't clear to me that the OP wasn't just sharing her feelings that it's a shame to throw out good stuff. That doesn't seem like mental illness -- that seems like a healthy thought. Saying she finds it hard -- also fair. I don't think it's wise to diagnose someone over saying something is hard. Her post was not very long. Certainly if it causes her major anxiety, fine. But I thought she just needed a pep talk and reassurance that it's okay to get rid of things. I have seen tons of threads on here in the same vein and no one responded this way. I have no way of knowing the extent of the problem.

[ktgrok]

Donate if you can't throw it away. But realize that if YOU are not using it, it is still be wasted. What difference does it make if it is in a box in your closet or in a dumpster...if it isn't being used it isn't being used. Best is to let go, and donate and think that it will make someone else VERY happy. Trust the universe to provide what you need and stop living in fear.

[Heather in Neverland]

It isn't clear to me that the OP wasn't just sharing her feelings that it's a shame to throw out good stuff. That doesn't seem like mental illness -- that seems like a healthy thought. Saying she finds it hard -- also fair. I don't think it's wise to diagnose someone over saying something is hard. Her post was not very long. Certainly if it causes her major anxiety, fine. But I thought she just needed a pep talk and reassurance that it's okay to get rid of things. I have seen tons of threads on here in the same vein and no one responded this way. I have no way of knowing the extent of the problem.

 

:iagree: There are some people for whom extreme hoarding is a sign of mental illness but not everyone who collects clutter and has a hard time throwing things away has a mental illness. Some of these "practical" suggestions are just that... Practical... As in something that should be practiced.

 

OP, how about picking one or two of the suggestions and trying them before we diagnose you as needing a psychiatrist? :tongue_smilie:

 

 

.

[Garga]

If you're really concerned that you have borderline hoarding issues, then test yourself.

 

Get some grocery bags. Fill two of them with any trash you find scattered around the house. Put it in your outdoor trashcan.

 

Fill two more bags with items that can be given to Goodwill. It doesn't have to be your favorite things. Just random things that you don't want anymore--a shirt that doesn't fit, a toy no one's played with in a while, etc. Drive them to Goodwill right away.

 

If you can't throw away the trash, or if you can't take the stuff to Goodwill...this could be a deeper issue.

 

But if you throw the trash away and feel a bit lighter after getting rid of the Goodwill bags, then, you could be ok.

 

'Course, I'm not a doctor! But if I was worried about hoarding, I'd just see what happens when I get rid of stuff. A sense of freedom? Or debilitating anxiety?

[KatieJ]

You can donate and helpyou finances by getting a tax receipt.

I use Charitydeductions.com (It's $25.00 per year) to figure out how much my stuff is worth. My local charity sends me a letter with a blank spot to fill in how much I donated and I send that letter on to my accountant.

It really can make a difference if you itemize your taxes.

Note: you can only donate $250.00 or less in any one day.

 

If anyone else is considering doing this, just look up the website and see how much detail there is in figuring out value. You might be surprised.

 

Otherwise do what Heather suggested. Box it up, and donate it in 3 months without thinking about what is in there.

[elegantlion]

I wonder too if it's not a sign of mental illness that one is supposed to buy all this stuff and then madly toss it out a few months later. Storage units are a huge industry in this country so simply having many possessions (and hanging on to them for longer than one needs to) is pretty common.

 

 

 

Once you step back from the consumerism, it takes a while to adjust. I used to buy stuff because I could. Then I learned how to donate and rotate, so my house was never really crowded, but I could still buy more.

 

Then I learned to stop and think about what I was buying, then I had a child. :tongue_smilie: Fortunately he's always been pretty low maintenance on toys.

 

Now that we are in a small town, it's much easier to step outside of that cycle. Target might be evil though, putting that one dollar section right inside the door. :lol:

 

You almost have to step outside yourself and see what your life, house, habits look like from the outside.

[Chris in VA]

If you use Turbo Tax, it will estimate the value of what you donate, and you can write it off your taxes. (It's free.) Sometimes it's higher than what you'd get at a garage sale.

 

I agree that finding out if you do have hoarder issues would be a good idea; if you do, no amt of decluttering will really address the problem, because true hoarders can often get rid of stuff but then turn around and acquire more again.

 

So, what are you willing to do to find out? :grouphug:

[KidsHappen]

The suggestions and thinking patterns suggested in this thread won't help you right now. Hoarding is an anxiety issue; a brain issue. Until you TREAT that, none of the practical suggestions will help. There are lots of analogies, but a band aid is probably the simplest.

 

If mental health challenges run in your bio family, I encourage you to get qualified, licensed mental health support.

 

It sounds like your anxiety is tied to perception of security.

 

:iagree: My mother was a full fledged hoarder. This definitely sounds like hoarding. It may not be bad right now but it almost always gets worse with time. It is also very hard to cure so it is better to begin working on the issue before it is fully engrained. You need cognative based counselling and perhaps an SSRI. I can not begin to express how traumatic this can become for other members of your family. I suffer from PTSD for my mothers house. As an aside, in your situation it would be best to start by getting rid sets that are not complete and odds and ends. The simplest easiest way to do this is to just take it to Goodwill. If it is perfectly good stuff then there will be lots of people out there that could really need and use it.

[Tammyla]

Donate....It blesses someone else and you can even write it off your taxes.

[DianeW88]

Watch "Hoarders" online while you clean. You'll throw out 50% more stuff. Seriously. I am not anything close to a hoarder....I toss stuff regularly, but when I watch that show....I declutter like my pants are on fire! :lol:

[AndrewsDK]

I have rarely rarely rarely regretted giving away/selling things I am not currently using. And, I get rid of things all.the.time.

 

You could ask if any friends are having garage sales to raise money for good causes (many of my friends are raising money for adoptions & mission trips). Giving to them may help you feel like you are helping someone more than just decluttering.

[Catwoman]

I don't think you're a hoarder. I just think you've accumulated too much stuff over the years, and now you're feeling overwhelmed at the thought of having to go through it all and make decisions about it. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[skimomma]

The fact that you recognize the issue suggests to me that you are not clinically a hoarder. However, I am not a professional. ;) But my mom IS either a real hoarder or a very good impersonator and is 100% unwilling to acknowledge that she might have a problem even though she is a single woman with a 4 bedroom house that no one can walk around in.....

 

I have some of the same tendencies, I suspect because I grew up with my mom. I did recognize them pretty early and started "working on" the issues about 10 years ago. It is possible to recognize and change your patterns. I have taken some tiny steps at times and some huge leaps at other times. I now think I have the issue beat. Be patient with yourself. :)

 

It really took a good 5 years to even fully break my habit of acquiring things that were either a good deal, impulse buys, or something I thought I "might need someday." I now never ever go into box stores. Yes, the stuff might be cheaper there, but for me personally, I spend far less overall if I just never go in one even if I might be paying more for the items I actually do purchase. Target for me is like waving a beer in front of an alcoholic. Luckily Target does not just appear at parties:) I have total control over my exposure to it. Most of the battle is stopping the flow into the house.

 

I do have a little trick that helped me when I felt conflicted about getting rid of something "useful." I think of Goodwill as my personal storage unit. When i have things I cannot use right now, I take them to Goodwill. Some of those things are things I debated donating because I might use them later. BUT, I can always go back to Goodwill and buy the item later if I need it. Yes, I am paying twice for that item, but at greatly reduced price the second time. I consider it "rent" to store that item. And if I never need it again, I did not have to invest the time, space, and money to store it for the rest of my life. A pretty good bargain I think.

[MissShellyA]

Let it go.

 

Think of it this way....the money you spent buying whatever it is is gone. You can’t get it back. You aren’t throwing the money away. The time to have that conversation is BEFORE YOU BUY IT. Once it’s bought, the money is gone. If it’s now making you unhappy in your house then it should go. It doesn’t somehow make the money better spent to keep the item if you aren’t using it frequently.

 

If your mind starts thinking that you could sell it and get some money back be realistic. How much are you really going to get? I’ve organized large yard sales for my church and I saw a lot of people totally overestimate what their stuff was worth. “I paid $50, it’s worth at least $25â€. Well, no it isn’t. It’s worth what people will pay and that is often much much less at a yard sale. Be realistic about the time and effort a big sale is, do you want to spend your time that way? How much is your time worth?

 

You don’t have to just trash it. You can donate it and know that you’ve probably made someone really happy (even if you don’t know them). We’ve used freecycle a lot which is always nice because then we hear how happy the person is. We do freecycle by email and then leave the stuff on the front porch. I know others who aren’t comfortable with that, you can also arrange another point of pickup.

 

It sounds like your stuff is making you unhappy. Think about how much you would pay to have someone come in and clean and make your house look the way you want it. Or how much you would pay to do something special to feel better. Instead, just get rid of the stuff.

 

:iagree: And regardless of how clean your Father's storage facilities are, that still sounds like some hoarding tendencies. If he can't afford to replace it, how can he afford not only one, but multiple storage units? Don't let that happen to you!

[swellmomma]

Do you have a consignment store near you? If you don't have time to have a yard sale, but want things out and make money off them consigning them makes it easy for you. You just drop off at the store, they catalogue and price it all, you get 1/2 of what they sold it for either as a cheque or store credit. Another option would be to craiglist stuff. No one cares if every item with with something like duplo or a train set generally if it means a good price. If you don't feel you can sell it because a piece or two is missing, donate it. It does no good sitting in a corner cluttering up the place and gives you no value at all. If donated to a goodwill etc a family with less belonging and less money to buy them can surprise their child with a new toy that WILL be highly valued and used often.

 

I was like you 2 years ago. At first everything had to be saved to be sold, or properly donated, everything was thought through of possible reuses (I had shelves in the basement of recyclable materials for crafting), totes of fabric I will never use, incase I actually learned how to sew one day, clothes from my kids right down to newborn in case I had more one day.

 

Then we moved here. I rented 2 dumpster bins over the course of 3 months to clear out a ton of stuff at my old house. Old furniture that I hoped to reupholster, bags of crap basically that I thought I would be able to repurpose. Moving here I still had too much. In the last year I have really been culling.

 

You will find something fascinating as you begin to actually purge. It will be VERY hard at first but soon you will find yourself returning to rooms and purging further and further. Purging becomes almost as "addictive" as saving items.

 

When I first began I asked myself with each room/item, would I replace this if my house burnt down and we lost everything. If the answer was no I purged it. It wasn't would I miss this, it was would I replace this. Many things I would miss, I like my stuff. But I would not buy it again most of the time. To me that put more focus on what I truly valued and what I just liked having as a back up kwim.

 

Books is my hardest one to purge, because I would love to say yes I would replace them all, but I have many that I have read once and will likely never read again. There is no purpose in saving those. That said I am not touching my books yet. I am still working on clearing out the basement and garage. Those are my zones for my September purgefest.

 

Yes having things as a "I should sell these" or as a "I could reuse these" is a normal and okay thought. But if wanting to place a value on something, ask if you would spend the money and resources to repurchase it if your home were completely destroyed.

[chepyl]

Craigslist has been my best friend!

 

If my mom had not married my dad....she would be a hoarder! My dad likes to get rid ofeverything! She passed the need to keep everything on to me. I am working on cleaning out. I fight against DH on somethings.

 

I set things on my curb, put an add on Craigslist and wait an hour....then it is gone!

[stripe]

I used a consignment store to get rid of some kids' clothes. Normally I pass them on to my nieces and nephews, but I sold them a bag of stuff and it paid for half of a high chair from them. It was a lot easier than a yard sale and more useful.

 

I know I am saving things and then seeing them makes me feel guilty. I may have liked a craft at one time but then moved on, and still have stuff left from it. I need to do this more, but the times I have gotten rid of the partially-finished needlework that was just a frustration or the GIANT tablecloth I knew I'd never finish embroidering, nor even had a table big enough to fit!, were definitely good moves. I am no longer interested in doing those things so why feel guilty about the stuff.

[fraidycat]

I haven't read any other responses, so this may be a repeat.

 

Ask yourself some questions:

 

Do I (or someone in my family) NEED it?

Do I (or family) USE it?

Do I (or family) LOVE it?

 

If you answer "yes" to any of these questions - keep it.

If the answer is "no" - get rid of it.

 

Next set of questions: (based on your statement that you don't have time to deal with selling)

 

Would someone else be blessed by this? Yes - donate. Whatever money was spent on any given item, is already spent whether you keep the item or not.

 

Is the item still usable by someone? Yes - Donate. No - trash. Missing pieces doesn't make it trash worthy - maybe someone is only looking for parts because they are missing pieces and the ones you donate are the ones they are looking for. ;)

 

Start small. One drawer, or one cupboard, or one box of random stuff that has become part of your landscape. It's an ongoing process, and things that "make the cut" this time to stay in your house will possibly (probably) get looked at more objectively next time, or the time after that, or maybe it's the time after that. I've had several "WHY am I keeping this?" moments when I declutter every year (because we move just about every year).

[Joanne]

:iagree: There are some people for whom extreme hoarding is a sign of mental illness but not everyone who collects clutter and has a hard time throwing things away has a mental illness. Some of these "practical" suggestions are just that... Practical... As in something that should be practiced.

 

OP, how about picking one or two of the suggestions and trying them before we diagnose you as needing a psychiatrist? :tongue_smilie:

 

 

.

 

*shrug*

 

The OP has several red flags that point to this issue being at a clinical level.

 

But I don't attach a need to avoid professionals or a stigma to having a mental *illness* because an illness is just that. To me, it's no different than cancer, diabetes, or heart disease. I would never tell a person "it's probably just frequent urination, are you sure you are emptying your bladder completely?"

 

I'd rather not go through the OP and defend my post, but I posted what I did for reasons.

 

The practical ideas in this thread are helpful life skills, but people can't access them if they have level of care needed *first*.

[Catwoman]

*shrug*

 

The OP has several red flags that point to this issue being at a clinical level.

 

...

 

I'd rather not go through the OP and defend my post, but I posted what I did for reasons.

 

The practical ideas in this thread are helpful life skills, but people can't access them if they have level of care needed *first*.

 

I know you weren't responding to me, Joanne, but as one of the people who didn't think the OP's post indicated that she had any kind of clinical problem, I hope you'll try to explain why you believe that she does.

 

My impression was that she was having trouble justifying throwing away perfectly good stuff, and that she was getting a bit bogged down in the details of decluttering, which seemed pretty normal to me, if she hasn't tried to declutter in a long while and it seems like a lot of work to do, but apparently you saw more than that, so I'm genuinely wondering what red flags popped up when you read the post.

 

Thanks! :001_smile:

[lovemykids]

1. Get some boxes

 

2. Go through your house and if you find an item you have not used in the last year put it in the box.

 

3. When a box is full, tape it shut with duct tape. DO NOT LABEL IT.

 

4. Stack the boxes somewhere.

 

5. Wait 3 months. DO NOT OPEN THE BOXES FOR ANY REASON.

 

6. After 3 months, Take all those boxes to the goodwill/salvation army/etc.

 

That's it! After 3 months you will forget what is in the boxes, you will have learned to live without whatever is in the boxes, and you obviously do not need it anyways. That's what I did. :D

 

 

 

.

 

This! But don't wait and go through the boxes again, like I did...LOL. :lol: Just donate it...if you haven't used it in a year, you don't need it..

[Joanne]

I know you weren't responding to me, Joanne, but as one of the people who didn't think the OP's post indicated that she had any kind of clinical problem, I hope you'll try to explain why you believe that she does.

 

My impression was that she was having trouble justifying throwing away perfectly good stuff, and that she was getting a bit bogged down in the details of decluttering, which seemed pretty normal to me, if she hasn't tried to declutter in a long while and it seems like a lot of work to do, but apparently you saw more than that, so I'm genuinely wondering what red flags popped up when you read the post.

 

Thanks! :001_smile:

 

Ok.

 

How can I get rid of sets (little people, geotrax, etc.) if I haven't got everything from each set all together yet?

 

First red flag: a sign of obsessiveness beyond expected range.

 

 

I store things until I'm sure I've got all the pieces & parts that go with something together and then I can get rid of it.

 

This implies a level of anxiety associated with "complete sets" that is not within normal expected range. (The level of emotion tied to this is reinforced later in the post)

 

 

I hate taking things to the second-hand store to drop off if they look like I could sell them. I've had no time for yard sales, no place for storage, and yet it's still hard to just let it GO. Talk me into it. Make me internalize that the square footage & decluttered house are worth more than I'd ever get for all this stuff.

 

Not being able to let go, in a natural, manner in a way that is kind and socially supported speaks to thinking that may be flawed (cognitive distortions, which in this case may be associated with anxiety/hoarding/security.

 

 

 

Our finances influence my thinking, but something my dad said has always stuck with me: "I already put money into this stuff and I can't afford to throw money away. I sure don't have the money to replace it [with current needs] so I'd better sell it." Of course, he's the one with storage sheds, connexes, and rental storage units (they're all clean & very nicely organized... but still).

 

There is a lot of clinically significant stuff here, but the biggest is genetic predisposition - mental illness has a HUGE genetic component.

 

*sigh* I've actually shed tears over this.

 

Indicates a level of emotion not in proportion to the situation.

 

It's time; I have to beat this. I don't mean to make it sound like a Hoarders show, it's not that far gone, but it's steadily gotten worse over the years

 

The progressive nature of the problem is another sign.

 

 

because I don't throw out "perfectly good" things. My house is tiny with no storage areas which magnifies the situation. The visual clutter is driving me nuts and I hate trying to homeschool (or anything, really) in the midst of a mess.

 

The OP *wants* to be able to donate, transfer, and purge things but can't. This is a common sign of when a problem is clinical.

[Catwoman]

Thank you, Joanne -- I really appreciate it that you took the time to explain your rationale to me. I understand where you're coming from now. :001_smile: I'm still not sure I agree that this is anything more than a case of frustration, nerves, and being overwhelmed by a large task, though.

Edited September 11, 2012 by Catwoman

[abacus2]

Some things that have help me:

 

1. Think of the situation in reverse, if someone offered to give you the item in question in its current condition, would you want it? If no, get rid of it! Or if you saw it in a store today and had the money, would you buy it again? If no, get rid of it!

 

2. Keeping stuff is NOT free. It is expensive. My home's sq footage and my time are very valuable.

 

3. I kept clothes that didn't fit that I loved for a long time. I finally realized that clothes that nice should be with someone who can enjoy them now, before they go out of style.

 

4. I dealt with some minorly sentimental objects by taking pictures of them before donating them.

[Annabel Lee]

Holy smokes, you guys! :lol: I feel a bit weird, what with others debating my mental state... But on a serious note, thank you all for your advice, care, & concern. :grouphug: Your collective advice is excellent; I knew I was asking the right group of minds.

 

It is whatever it is, mental illness or not, & I tend to agree with a PP that if it really were, there's no need to defend me from others' concern, but I appreciate where you're coming from. It's OK, really. Taking care of it, whatever my version of "it" can be classified as (or not), is what counts. I don't think the state of mind is a black-and-white, yes-or-no thing vs. how far has one's thinking has gone into it and how much will it take to reverse it. Maybe there's a spectrum of severity. Or, I could be completely off, and do want to know if I am.

 

We don't have a high level of "in-flow" - things coming into the house, except that grandparents have gone WAY overboard in gift-giving to the kids in the past. We're not big spenders, I just haven't gotten rid of much in a really long time. I wanted to wait until I found all the pieces of the sets for the purpose of selling them to the local children's consignment store, selling online on a local for-sale site, or even giving away. I can't do that with multiple partial sets of things - some could, but others are truly an unusable pile of pieces unless you have all the parts. It's letting go of the plan of selling these things and accepting that I just have to get rid of them that is hard.

 

If Garga's list is of any indication, after typing my OP, I bagged up some things (11 Walmart bags worth) that DH took to the thrift shop and I've got 3 big boxes to take to the consignment shop (and then drop leftovers at the thrift shop, like always) - no problem or anxiety about it. It's the perfectly good things like little kid's skis, or hundreds of dollars worth (well, originally) of Geotrax or Thomas the Train sets, furniture not currently in use but that can't be replaced, things like that I have a harder time with. I've always had 3 categories when sorting through stuff: Consignment (has to be in near-pristine cond. for the one in our town), Donate (stuff I can't sell anywhere), Sell (yard sale/online). I think I'm giving up on selling most of it because selling takes too much time, and the "stuff to sell" takes up too much space. The shed tears were over the overwhelming nature of the task - how much time it will take, I don't have the time, so it's going to take time & patience. I wish it could just happen overnight.

 

My dad was a child of the Great Depression, for further context. Yes, I think there are security issues to some extent. My own house is a money pit we are stuck in ATM (whole 'notha thread, but I'll spare you), so, yes, there's somewhat a feeling of "but it's all we've got" about stuff that could be sold, or especially about stuff we'd like to use but don't currently have room for.

 

I don't know if this makes me "certifiable", but I'm bound & determined to pluck it by it's root no matter how big or small. The bits about considering how my children develop their view of things & possible attachment to things are what I'm really taking to heart. Thanks for your kind words & advice. :grouphug:

Edited September 11, 2012 by Annabel Lee

[stripe]

There is a lot of clinically significant stuff here, but the biggest is genetic predisposition - mental illness has a HUGE genetic component.

 

I was merely surprised that a professional would be so quick to diagnose mental illness based on an internet posting. The mental and medical professionals I know tend to be more circumspect based on limited evidence and no direct contact with the person in question. However, nothing should surprise me anymore....

 

To me the most significant thing in what the OP heard from her father has to do with poverty. Not all of us have hundreds of dollars lying around, so selling unused stuff is important to get back what was spent, or regret about having wasted so much money. Of course if you are throwing something in the trash you don't need all the pieces, but if you are selling a puzzle or a lego set, without all the pieces, the price is disproportionately lowered because it is often only slightly more useful than garbage. Wanting to round up all the pieces then does become of legitimate importance, not just the whims of a crazy woman.

 

I think confronting some overwhelming backlog of work of any sort can lead people to feel and say all manner of things in frustration. I haven't dealt with accumulated paperwork in about three years, so I have been busily shredding and recycling the last week. It makes me want to tear my hair out!

 

Anyway Annabel Lee, I am happy to hear you've made progress and are finding some peace in your home once again.

[Dobela]

Holy smokes, you guys! :lol: I feel a bit weird, what with others debating my mental state... But on a serious note, thank you all for your advice, care, & concern. :grouphug: Your collective advice is excellent; I knew I was asking the right group of minds.

 

It is whatever it is, mental illness or not, & I tend to agree with a PP that if it really were, there's no need to defend me from others' concern, but I appreciate where you're coming from. It's OK, really. Taking care of it, whatever my version of "it" can be classified as (or not), is what counts. I don't think the state of mind is a black-and-white, yes-or-no thing vs. how far has one's thinking has gone into it and how much will it take to reverse it. Maybe there's a spectrum of severity. Or, I could be completely off, and do want to know if I am.

 

We don't have a high level of "in-flow" - things coming into the house, except that grandparents have gone WAY overboard in gift-giving to the kids in the past. We're not big spenders, I just haven't gotten rid of much in a really long time. I wanted to wait until I found all the pieces of the sets for the purpose of selling them to the local children's consignment store, selling online on a local for-sale site, or even giving away. I can't do that with multiple partial sets of things - some could, but others are truly an unusable pile of pieces unless you have all the parts. It's letting go of the plan of selling these things and accepting that I just have to get rid of them that is hard.

 

If Garga's list is of any indication, after typing my OP, I bagged up some things (11 Walmart bags worth) that DH took to the thrift shop and I've got 3 big boxes to take to the consignment shop (and then drop leftovers at the thrift shop, like always) - no problem or anxiety about it. It's the perfectly good things like little kid's skis, or hundreds of dollars worth (well, originally) of Geotrax or Thomas the Train sets, furniture not currently in use but that can't be replaced, things like that I have a harder time with. I've always had 3 categories when sorting through stuff: Consignment (has to be in near-pristine cond. for the one in our town), Donate (stuff I can't sell anywhere), Sell (yard sale/online). I think I'm giving up on selling most of it because selling takes too much time, and the "stuff to sell" takes up too much space. The shed tears were over the overwhelming nature of the task - how much time it will take, I don't have the time, so it's going to take time & patience. I wish it could just happen overnight.

 

. :grouphug:

There was a time when I was selling regularly on places like eBay and thru consignments. Now I don't, for a variety of reasons. It is really tough, I know, to just give it away or sell it for a fraction of the original cost. I don't know if you are on facebook, but there are thousands of buy, sell, swap groups. I have signed up for the ones in my town and a few surrounding ones. If I have things to sell, I post a picture, mark it cheap, and give it a week. Old, missing parts, it doesn't matter. Just be honest. If it is good quality or a popular toy, it will sell. If it doesn't, then I donate it. You may want to look at consignment shops in neighboring communities. Some are not as particular, and with Christmas coming, lots of parents will be looking for additional pieces to sets they have. I have bought incomplete sets and odd sets of things.

[Pamela H in Texas]

When you are discussing something online, there is NO way you can give all the relevant information. Instead, you give what is relevant about the "problem."

 

Very few things can be explained by lay people in one post in a way that is clear enough to show the real extent of things. I know if I described my house right now, I couldn't paint the picture well enough. I could tell you each thing that isn't "right," but you'd probably think it was quite bad, maybe even, "how on earth could the state leave those foster babies there?!?" But if you walked in, you'd most likely (assuming you aren't a germaphobe or highly anxious with any sign of people living in a house) think the house is just lived in, but clean (amazing, by some people's standards, since I have spent a week tending to a sick baby, since Friday, in the hospital).

 

I actually thought about this yesterday when I heard the attending ask the resident to describe Monkey's rash. I had tried to explain it several times as it got worse this weekend. I couldn't do it justice. Let's just say my hubby freaked when I texted him a pic Sunday morning. Anyway, he did it and was praised for his description that I didn't understand AT ALL.

 

Really, we hive members and all our family members would all "need help" if we went based on a normal size post about an issue! Susie needs to get to the ER. Janie needs to get her son to the doctor. Mindy's mom is certifiable. How come Katie's daughter is not locked up? And Tina should see someone soon as her description of her twins sounds perfectly normal; why does she need something to be wrong with them?

 

I just know how offensive it can be when people go there when you're living the situation and thinking, "they got THAT out of this hiccup I'm having with this issue?"

Edited September 11, 2012 by 2J5M9K

[Garga]

I just know how offensive it can be when people go there when you're living the situation and thinking, "they got THAT out of this hiccup I'm having with this issue?"

 

I've noticed that, too. I mentioned a hiccup I was having with my MIL and the responses I got ranged all the way to completely cutting her out of my life. Which was crazy-talk. She's one of the sweetest people I know, and it would be insanity to cut her out of my life. But from what I'd written that people read through the filters of their crazy-MIL's, there were lots of jumps to conclusions that didn't make sense.

 

I wouldn't use the word "offensive" about how we all tend to see the "crazy" in each other's life. It was eye opening that when you throw a couple of paragraphs out there, it can be interpreted in such a range of different ways.

 

To the OP: I'm glad you were able to get rid of a bunch of bags and boxes! In your original post you wrote: "it bothers me unless I sell it or know someone who I'm positive will put it to good use." That is a classic sign of hoarding. The hoarder loves their stuff and they cannot let it go unless they know it will be loved.

 

But, since you got rid of bags and are still getting rid of more, you sound like you're not a hoarder.