Thoughts about how much to share with your children in regards to sacrifices you make

[*********]

I'm not sure if this will come across well, but I'll try to explain it.

 

We are going on vacation in a few weeks. Everyone is very excited. I mentioned last night while we were talking about it that I don't get that 'excited vaction' feeling anymore now that I'm a stay at home mom, because really my 'work' comes with me.

 

We're renting a cabin on the beach. It will be nice. I wasn't complaining about it at all. But yeah, I'll still be responsbile for all the mom duties that I have like at home; cooking, cleaning, laundry, making sure everyone has what they need, etc.

 

I just was trying to explain that 'vacation' is different now as a mom than it was before. Not that I won't enjoy it; I will. But it's not as much of a 'break from regular life' for me as for everyone else.

 

Then this morning. I'm taking the boys to the ice cream social at the library because they want to go. But my nine year old picked up on the fact that *I* don't really want to go.

 

That's ok, right? For my kids to realize that I do things that are for THEM, and THAT'S what I enjoy about it, right? Because my dh was making some comments about how I shouldn't say such and such, because it will burden the kids. But I disagree. I think it's ok and normal for my nine year old son to be figuring out that Mommy does a lot of stuff that's not really for her direct enjoyment, but that she likes that her family is happy.

 

I don't know if I even make sense. Anyone else understand me?

Edited June 20, 2012 by bethanyniez

[tammyw]

I understand you perfectly. And I think it's fine. I'm sure there will those who think it's important to put on the facade that everything is perfect, and that you absolutely adore every.single.thing. you have to do for the family. But for me, that's not reality. I need to vent once in a while. That's me being real. I also want my kids to see that I am a real person, with real feelings and real thoughts.

 

But I also think it's okay to have reasonable arguments with your spouse in front of kids (after all, everyone does), or have discussions about money.

[fairfarmhand]

I understand it.

 

I think it is good for kids to know that mom and dad do stuff for their pleasure and can do it cheerfully just because we want to give to our family. It means that when a teen doesn't want to go to a younger siblings recital, they can be reminded of the many times that other family members have sacrificed for them.

 

I do try to not constantly be telling my kids how miserable I am doing stuff for them. Heavy sighs communicate the same thing. So I try to hide it most of the time, but it's not like I never mention it.

[Audrey]

I understand you. I feel the same way sometimes. I don't pretend either. That's just not the way I roll. I don't bs anyone, least of all my own kid. I don't think I should have to pretend that I really, really want to sit around for 2 hours waiting for swim practice to be done, or that I'm just so excited to be slogging through the woods with the 4-H group. I go. I do it. I don't complain or grouch at all, but I don't pretend that I am doing it because I want to. My ds knows I do stuff just because of him, and it doesn't "burden" him. He thanks me for taking him to those things and I appreciate that he appreciates it, and to see him so happy makes me happy.

[dirty ethel rackham]

I think you are fine. It is not like you are doing the "heavy sigh, play the martyr card" every time you do something for them. It is a good think for children to know that being a parent is work and to learn to appreciate the realities of life, including the sacrifices parents make.

[elfgivas]

re holidays:

 

could you come up with a schedule so that you do get a break from some of the housekeeping jobs that are usually yours to do?

 

eg. when we camp, dh does most of the cooking, i do dishes after every meal BUT one of the dc works with me so that it is more fun and goes faster. maybe each of your kids could choose a breakfast or two to be responsible for. that would mean advance menu planning, shopping, preparing, etc..... for those meals, you could set the table if that is usually their job. it has made for some great memories for us, and really helps me not resent having to "work" on holidays....

 

hth,

ann

[partyof5]

I understand you completely and agree that it is okay...I will even go so far as to say that is appropriate and good!! I believe there is a difference from playing the "poor me" card and just being real, in a gentle way.

 

My kids realize that when we go to dance or music or anywhere that involves me sitting & waiting, I am doing just that, sitting and waiting for them...they noticed early on that it might be boring for me. This gave me the chance to explain that I bring them to these activities out of love for them and their interests, but sure...I could be getting other things done at home and wouldn't just sit there for fun. ;)

 

Sounds like you are already trying to strike a balance that seems healthy.

 

FWIW, we are a Dave Ramsey family (on year 4 of 4 on our debt-free plan) and the sacrifices involved with this are something we are very open with as well.

 

The point is, I don't want my kids to think the world revolves around them (because it doesn't!) and these discussions work to that end.

 

Good luck & try to enjoy the vacation by delegating some of those duties! ;)

[Lara in Colo]

I am the same way. We went camping last year and pointed out to the children how much work this little "three day" adventure was for me.

 

When we got to the campsite, they were less upset when all I wanted to do was read a book (I was tired).

 

They cannot see things unless you show them (just look at the stuff they miss in the hallway). I think that showing them how much work we do, how much we sacrifice (in time money and emotion) makes children more empathetic.

It also teaches them about life. I also like to point out how easy it is for compared to my mother (who was single and worked). I also make them see the sacrifices DH makes for them. How can they appreciate what they have if they cannot see the cost involved?

I also think that they are less jealous of things I get just because I am an adult (date night) (the $5 jar of fig preserves I WON"T share) (the expensive chocolates)-- they sort of see that I deserve some things because of all I do and sacrifice.

[*********]

Ok. I feel a bit better. :001_smile: I certainly don't want my children to feel like they are a burden, but at the same time it feels dishonest at a certain point not to let them know that some things I do are just for them. Of course as a Chrstian, I am teaching them that I serve them out of love for them, just as we serve Christ by serving others. So in a way, I think it's good for them to see a bit of what mommy does. I don't know. It was just a short, passing comment by my dh this morning that got me thinking.

 

And my nine year old is a VERY sensitive boy, so I have to be very clear with him that I *do* very much enjoy things that are just for him, because a mommy likes to see her child happy. :001_smile:

[fairfarmhand]

re holidays:

 

could you come up with a schedule so that you do get a break from some of the housekeeping jobs that are usually yours to do?

 

eg. when we camp, dh does most of the cooking, i do dishes after every meal BUT one of the dc works with me so that it is more fun and goes faster. maybe each of your kids could choose a breakfast or two to be responsible for. that would mean advance menu planning, shopping, preparing, etc..... for those meals, you could set the table if that is usually their job. it has made for some great memories for us, and really helps me not resent having to "work" on holidays....

 

hth,

ann

I think this is a good idea.

 

My family went with my dh's family for a vacation in a huge cabin in the mountains. the kids thought it was great. My dh had a fairly good time. For me, it was alot of work. There were almost 20 people in one cabin, so not only did I have to sort of be on the lookout for my own kids, I had to watch over the some of the cousins too. Cooking and cleaning up was a massive undertaking.

 

Just straightening up the clutter each day was a big deal. I've gotten to where I really don't care much about traveling with the kids because it is more work for me while sleeping in an unfamiliar bed. Sounds horribly selfish doesn't it?

[Julie Smith]

Your kids knowing you do some stuff you don't really like to do because it's what is best for your family - I think that is a good thing. I even point it out to my boys sometimes how I do X because of Y, and I don't grump, moan, ... because of it. I then point out how I try to find joy in the activity - even if it's a little. Teaching how to search for the silver lining. Teaching how to do something not wanted and deal with it well and not let it bring you down.

[elegantlion]

I don't hold back. I don't hold back at home either. When we go on vacation, I expect a break too. Nothings worse than grumpy mom after a vacation. Of course, if we camp dh does most of the cooking. Otherwise we stay somewhere that necessitates eating out most of the time. :D

 

Ds helps with most of our dinners anyway, so it's a natural thing and wouldn't change if we were camping.

[Jayne J]

I totally understand the vacation thing. No one else seems to get it, but to me it is housekeeping in a different (usually less convenient) house. Where my husband spends lots of time fishing, and I seem to spend my days digging sand out of...everything, cooking in unfamiliar kitchens, and finding all the idiosyncrasies of the place. :tongue_smilie: Shhhhhhhhh, don't tell on me...

 

When I was young my mother did everything for me and I thought she enjoyed it, if I ever thought about it at all. It made me very selfish. Having kids was a big wake up call, and every year on Mother's day and on her birthday, I thank her for something I never thought to say thank you for when I was younger. Kids need to know that their parents love them enough to do things they dislike, and that the children should be grateful for.

Edited June 20, 2012 by urpedonmommy

[Alte Veste Academy]

You do make sense and I do understand you. I think it can be a fine line between honesty and martyrdom though. I know I'm not always as self-aware as I would like to be.

 

(General you below...)

 

I agree that it is fine to let kids know that some things are a chore for you. (I've been known to announce, "This is not my dream vacation!" when my kids are wearing their blinders and don't appear capable of seeing the effort or output of others around them, when they are wrapped up in their own needs and desires to the point of selfishness.) However, I think that can easily slide into conveying that your entire life is a chore. I want the overall message I convey to be gratitude for the privilege to stay home and raise them. I need to guard against delivering a message of frustration and drudgery too often. Frankly, if I feel the drudgery of this job too often, I need to reconsider how I'm doing it and give myself a reality check about my attitude. I wouldn't let the kids mope around with an attitude of "poor me" and I won't allow it in myself either. When I need to go to the grocery store, I don't need heavy sighs from kids who obviously don't want to go. I need a positive attitude and acknowledgement that we all consume food. :tongue_smilie: The only way they are going to learn a positive attitude is modeling.

 

Don't know if that applies to you at all. Those are just the thoughts the popped into my mind.

[snickelfritz]

My kids were griping about having to go to child care at the gym or sit through my eye doctor appointment. Really, anything that wasn't "theirs" was cause for complaint.

 

I did have a "sit-down" with them. I made clear that I like seeing them involved in things. That I enjoy the fact they play sports and instruments. But I don't particularly enjoy driving them around all over town and waiting in the car. I don't resent it, but it's not fun. That we all make sacrifices for those we love and put others first, at times. And I made clear that I am unwilling to listen to them whine about my gym and doctor visits. They need to buck up and deal.

 

I do try not to whine and complain when they have one more thing. I think it is a balance to help them realize that we are sacrificing our ideal scenario, without trying to heap guilt on them. I think the nature of being a parent is that we make more of those sacrifices than others. And I think it's more the fault of your dh and you that you have planned a vacation you aren't really looking forward to.

[Zoo Keeper]

I think you are fine. It is not like you are doing the "heavy sigh, play the martyr card" every time you do something for them. It is a good think for children to know that being a parent is work and to learn to appreciate the realities of life, including the sacrifices parents make.

 

 

:iagree: It is healthy for children to begin to learn that sometimes we do something simply because it brings joy to others, not because we want it for ourselves.

 

Contrary to what my eight year old thinks, adults do not just get to do whatever they want, whenever they want...;)

[dangermom]

I vote for being honest. My kids are more appreciative when they realize that Mom Life is not all fun and games and that I am doing things for them.

 

:) The other day I took them swimming from 4-5.30pm. As soon as they got in the car to go home, they asked what was for dinner. I pointed out that they could go swimming in the late afternoon OR they could have a nice cooked dinner, but they couldn't have both! They got it and cheerfully had sandwiches (or whatever it was, I don't remember!).

[angela in ohio]

I've been wrestling with a similar issue.

 

I have been very open with my dc about how hard I work for them. It has been great for their attitude toward me. However, I'm starting to worry that I'm turning my dds off of motherhood. :( So now I am having frequent conversations with them about the joys of being able to be there for them. But I don't think I would change all that I have shared with them, because it has been good for them.

 

And vacation is icky! I usually do way more work, because we take extra in-laws. I do it because I adore dh, but it is certainly no vacation.

 

I'm with you.

[Impish]

Wolf's been known to tell the kids flat out (usually b/c they're acting like twits at the time) "Look, we're out here doing ____ for you guys. All for your benefit. Mom and I would be just as happy at home, having a nap."

 

I don't think it's a bad thing at all. Kids need to learn, somehow, that part of being a grown up isn't doing only what you want to do all the time, and I also think it's healthy for kids to know that Mom and Dad value them, do things just w/them in mind, that they're a priority, not just tag alongs.

[Dustybug]

I think you are fine. It is not like you are doing the "heavy sigh, play the martyr card" every time you do something for them. It is a good think for children to know that being a parent is work and to learn to appreciate the realities of life, including the sacrifices parents make.

 

:iagree:

[Hot Lava Mama]

do for them. Sometimes when I mention things that start bugging me (like....PLEASE put your dishes in the sink when you are done eating!) they give me the "but your my mom, your SUPPOSE to do that FOR me!" comment. I usually let them know that I am their "MOM", not their maid. If they want me to be the maid, I will need a salary, paid vacation, sick time off, as well as unemployment.

 

Kids, especially young kids, just don't see what we do for them, because we have always done it. They don't see how hard we work.

 

I don't think we should burden them will all our "stuff", but it is important for them to realize that we do stuff out of love for them, and not because it is necessarily something we "want" to do.

 

I agree with you about the vacation comment. That's why I usually bristle at the thought of a "vacation" at a cabin. My thought is: So, you want me to have all the same responsiblities, but I won't have all my "stuff" to help me. In addition, I have to make sure I pack everything we need to haul up there, including pans, dishes, etc. etc., then unpack when we get there, do all my normal duties (without the stuff to make it easier to deal with little ones), then pack everything BACK UP again, haul it back home, then unpack it again! ARE YOU KIDDING ME! Too exhausting.

 

Hot Lava Mama

[Punks in Ontario]

I feel like vacations and doing stuff for the kids is a lot of work too.

 

We've made a big deal of the fact that we're all in this as a team. That means giving and taking and pitching in whenever needed. It doesn't matter if the mess wasn't yours or it wasn't your night to do dishes - or it's holidays. If one of us is working, all of us are working until it's done. That goes for housework, cooking, packing and unpacking. Each kid has needed to learn to do each item according to their age and ability. Vacations are a chance to try new chores. That said I still do all the laundry.

 

Now, dh on the other hand gets all the begging to go biking, fishing, swimming, or some other physical activity. At 53, he'd rather sit and read a book some days. He's starting to turn them down more as they get older and more able to do activities with each other.

[Tap]

If you did not tell them, I think That would be the mistake.

 

I think that letting kids grow up thinking that all of life is rainbows and butterflies, is wrong. I think it sets them up for depression and discontent when they move out on to their own, joing the work force and start their own family. I think it is necessary for everyone (not just kids) to appreciate that we all have to get through the tasks of everyday life to get to the good stuff on the other side.

 

That being said, there is no need to dwell on household tasks, and I expect everyone in my home to do tasks with happy heart, including me. Honestly, there are very few of these tasks that are pure misery. We may not like them, but seriously, they aren't that bad. While being away on vacation will likely increase your every day tasks a bit, you will also have plenty of down time, just to enjoy the family and activities like everyone else.

 

I also think it is important for kids to realize that maybe a vacation isn't a 100% free-of-chores vacation for mom, that doesn't mean that mom doesn't love to go, look forward to going, and remember it fondly. I also enlist the kids in helping with packing/unpacking so they understand what goes into it. They can lighten the parents load (once they are taught how) and also feel like they are contributing. I try to teach my kids 'many hands do light work'.

 

I have always told my family that I don't need big chunks of vacation, once a year. I like a little bit here and there. Instead of a spa day, I would rather get lunch with girlfriends 5 times throughout the year. I would rather have a few quiet hours in the evening every night, than a week of quiet once a year. DH and DD13 love amusement parks so I send them off alone, without me. They go to California for a week every year. I stay home with dd5 and ds17. They get the 'vacation experience' and I have less work to do at home for a week. LOL On the converse, dh doesn't mind that I go to lunch with friends and spend money eating out, when we are supposed to be on a budget. He knows that those little lunches, are more of my vacation, than any other that we may take. I still go to the cabin with everyone, and we all have a nice time, but my true vacation is those stolen moments with friends over turkey sandwiches and coke.

 

 

There are two chores I dread about vacations: the handling of laundry and packing food. These are my solutions for those two chores:

 

For me, packing and unpacking are the two worst parts. Due to that, I have taught my kids from an early age to pack their own bags. When they were little 2-4yo, I would give them a backpack and tell them to pack toys (I would modify as needed), get a pillow and a blanket. As they got to be about 4yo, I would tell them to bring me x pair of pants, x pair of undies, x pair of sock etc. They would stack it on my bed and once it was all in a pile (and I reviewed it), they would put it in the suitcase. By 6yo or so, all of my kids packed their own bags, with me just doing a cursory check at the end. By teaching them to do it themselves, they learned to be more helpful and the task has lightened over the years. Even at 13yo, dd still makes stacks of items on her floor and then packs her bags. :D

 

On the final day away, I tell everyone to bring all their clean clothes into my room. I repack suitcases, putting everyone's remaining clean clothes into one suitcase. When we get home, the kids are expected to sort and hangup/put away all the clean clothes. The dirty clothes all went into the remaining suitcases. That way, when we got home, the dirty clothes could just be tossed into the laundry pile. I like coming home to be easy, and this made putting away the suitcases much, much faster. Otherwise it seemed like suitcases were sitting around the house for a week, full of half clean/half dirty clothes.

 

Over the years, we bought a washer and dryer for the cabin we stay at. I do laundry the night before we leave the cabin, so the clothes are clean when we get home, and just need to be put away in the closet. This really makes a huge difference for me at the end of a stay there. We end up with just the clothes we wear home and the pjs to wash. I thought it was odd the first time I did laundry on vacation, but I wouldn't miss it now for anything.

 

For packing food, I would make a list of pantry items, and the kids would start setting it on the counter. Now, that the kids are older, they expect to help get everything ready to go. It isn't a surprise and they know what to do. I find that having a list is the key to keeping them on task, because they can check the list and keep going.

 

The kids are also responsible to put everybody's items by the front door. The running up and down the stair case....is their chore....not mine LOL

[Leav97]

Yes, it's OK. Once after a long weekend of kid activities my DD through a fit when we weren't planning a kid activity for Sunday night. It was gently explained that the entire weekend had been spent doing things for her and this was a chance for Mom and Dad to have fun/break.

[Mommyof4ks]

I agree with others, kids need to know that not everything a person does isn life is fun or something they want to do. Sometimes we do things because we have to and sometimes we do things to make other people happy. My dd knows that I dread going to the library (yes I know I am awful lol), because it takes her a very long time to make her choices, but I take her nearly weekly because I love her and want her to be happy. She has used that example when I comment about her helping with her brothers or doing chores without being asked.

 

Vacation is a a time when I over prepare so I can enjoy it too, and everyone pitches in to make it run smoothly. I do tend to stay up late doing laundry or prepping meals for the next day, because I want our days to be filled with fun and enjoyment rather than chores. We try to take at least one vacation that is 9-12 days every year, and I have never felt like it was work (ok, with the exception of Disney with a 1, 2, and 5 yr old, dumb idea on my part :D). I totally enjoy it, and somehow everyday chores do not seem like such a burden on vacation. Keep refining things to make it easier for you, so you can enjoy your vacation too.

[ErinE]

We are going on vacation in a few weeks. Everyone is very excited. I mentioned last night while we were talking about it that I don't get that 'excited vaction' feeling anymore now that I'm a stay at home mom, because really my 'work' comes with me.

 

We're renting a cabin on the beach. It will be nice. I wasn't complaining about it at all. But yeah, I'll still be responsbile for all the mom duties that I have like at home; cooking, cleaning, laundry, making sure everyone has what they need, etc.

 

I just was trying to explain that 'vacation' is different now as a mom than it was before. Not that I won't enjoy it; I will. But it's not as much of a 'break from regular life' for me as for everyone else.

 

I completely understand your point of view.

 

Although I haven't shared this with my kids, my husband and I had this conversation. On vacation, he would go off and do his own activities and couldn't understand why I was still stressed. I gently explained that vacation for me is often more stressful because I'm in unfamiliar territory. All the day-to-day chores still must be done, and I'm scrambling to find laundry facilities, fix food, or keep the kids from killing each other.

 

After our talk, he's been much more aware of my relaxation time. He tries to take one day in the vacation where I have my own time while he takes the kids. I enjoy our vacations so much more and I am very grateful to have such a wonderful and understanding man in my life.

 

I'm careful about what I say around the kids, because they can very easily misconstrue what I say. I don't what to their activities to be colored by my feelings. I'm sure they pick up on it on occasion, but I really try to put on a pleasant face.

[Canadianmumof5]

This has come up quite a bit in our house lately. Especially since I've been really busy with work. The kids were asking why I was working so much. I explained that I work because a) I do like what I do, and b) it helps us to afford all the extras that they do like swimming, piano, soccer, etc. plus going out for dinners, vacations, and all the other fun stuff we get to do.

 

I think the older 2 get it. But DS11 did say just last week "Well if you are working that hard & earning some money, then the least you can do is get the cable hooked up again for us." It has been almost a year and he is still complaining about that.........

[TheApprentice]

I totally understand. I do it myself. I take them to the pool, which they know I can't stand, for their enjoyment. They get that sometimes you just do things for other people, even if it's not something you are totally for. I don't really say "I'm sacrificing" because I don't want them to feel guilty. I have said that these are things that parents do.

[The Girls' Mom]

I'm honest with them about it, especially if they seem to be in an ungrateful mood. They would think I was on crack if I cheerfully went about my day every.day. :lol:

[dirty ethel rackham]

I think the older 2 get it. But DS11 did say just last week "Well if you are working that hard & earning some money, then the least you can do is get the cable hooked up again for us." It has been almost a year and he is still complaining about that.........

And that is when you say <sweetly, with a smile> "AHEM. When you make enough money to pay the cable bill, then we can consider it." End of discussion.

 

I hear you on those moments of ungratefulness. I think my husband read them the riot act one year and we haven't had any incidents like that since.

[LaxMom]

I'm honest with them about it, especially if they seem to be in an ungrateful mood. They would think I was on crack if I cheerfully went about my day every.day. :lol:

 

:iagree:

 

I also agree with the view expressed by many others that it does the kids a disservice to allow them to think all the grunt work of daily life completes us. If nothing else, they may have a rude awakening when they don't find personal fulfillment in cleaning the toilet.

 

Yes, I find fulfillment in supporting the workings of our family. The actual act of scrubbing the toilet? Not so much. I would prefer they grow up finding satisfaction in contributing, not only doing things that bring them personal joy/entertainment/what-have-you.

[Mommy22alyns]

Bethany, I definitely see where you are coming from. It's really come up now that Rebecca is joining a competition gymnastics team - significantly higher financial and time commitment. I walk the line between not wanting to burden her, but making her understand that everyone in the family (including Sylvia) is making a lot of sacrifices for HER benefit.

[joannqn]

I think it is good for your kids to know and understand that. My older kids are aware that we all do things that we don't necessarily find fun for the benefit of other people.

 

For example, my kids know that I don't enjoy sitting in at the park watching them play. It is boring for me. But I do it because I love them. Similarly, they understand that sometimes they get to be bored and wait for me to finish a long conversation with another adult. At a certain point, they get to understand that it isn't all about them, that other people have wants and needs to, and that they can help meet those needs even if all they are doing is waiting patiently for mom to be finished.

[Tammi K]

I just had this conversation with my kids:

 

I need to drop you both off at the rink for lessons at 5:00. Then, right after, I need to get Ben to soccer by 6:15. I'll come back for you (dd left at the rink for additional practice time) and pick you up by 6:50 so I can get you to church for youth group at 7:00. Then I"ll go back to the soccer field to pick up Ben after practice and drop him off at youth group until 8:00. Then we can run through McDs for dinner before violin lessons at 8:30.

 

(To be fair, Wednesday is my absolute crazy busy night....they aren't ALL like this:tongue_smilie:)

 

To which ds replies: "What are you going to do while we're doing our stuff?"

Well, dear boy, let me tell you.... I will be waiting in the rink, waiting in the car, waiting at the rink again...............

 

"That doesn't sound like a lot of fun!" BINGO!

 

I guess we (I) do it because we (I) can. But, even though I do it with an attitude of servanthood toward my children, I do like them to know that their appreciation goes a long way toward making it worthwhile for me. because, frankly, it's not fun. there are far more exciting ways for me to kill time than sitting in a car.

 

I think it's only fair that they understand the sacrifice people make for their good pleasure.

[misidawnrn]

I completely understand you. Today is my first day off in a while since I have picked up extra hours lately and my house shows that mom has been gone. Cleaning, cleaning, cleaning, cleaning is on the bill for today. I asked 8yo DD to go fold the towels/wash cloths that are in the dryer so I can switch loads and she gave me a huff. I about lost it! I told her to go to her room and when she was hungry and came and asked for lunch I was going to "huff" back at her and tell her no. I explained to her that I didn't make the messes in the house but I have to clean it all and she can help do chores willingly or she could get everything in her room that I paid for and bring it to me. (I know, a little overboard but it made my point). She folded the clothes and then came and asked what else she can do to help.

 

Can you pack paper plates and some frozen meals? Then at least dishes are lessened.

[swellmomma]

Sometimes my kids pick up on the fact I do things for them because I love them not because I want to do whatever. Sometimes with my teens I outright tell them. It's not a guit trip thing or anything like that. But they are old enough to hear the truth. For example, dd was teasing me about my hair, making comments about it needing to be cut etc. I sat her down and told her the reason I have not gotten my hair cut in the last year was because I used that money to pay for her various girl guide activities. I also told her how much I like being able to have her in guides and let her do those extra activities when many of the other girls can't BUT the money had to come from somewhere.

 

In regards to vacations, my kids know we don't take them because I have chosen to work from home and school them which means I bring in much less than if I worked f/t out of the house. They know I have sacrificed that lifestyle for this one and why I have felt it is the best sacrifice I can make right now.

 

I make sure my kids know that I WANT to sacrifice for them, that I do so willingly and happily, it is not out of obligation or burden etc. I want to raise my kids to be willing to make sacrifices for the benefit of others, like everything else that begins at home with modelling.

[dangermom]

Don't tell my kids, but I like waiting in the car. It's quiet, there are no chores to do, I can read my book and listen to my music and relax. :001_smile: Shhh!

[Alte Veste Academy]

Don't tell my kids, but I like waiting in the car. It's quiet, there are no chores to do, I can read my book and listen to my music and relax. :001_smile: Shhh!

 

:iagree: I love wait time.

[fraidycat]

My kids are aware of the fact that my life isn't all sunshine and rainbows just by having them in it. Especially when it comes to them doing chores. If I get attitude about it, then I remind them that I do not ENJOY cleaning, laundry, cooking, etc. None of it. I do it to keep them in a healthy, happy home. I try not to "guilt" or "burden" them, but they know that the world does not revolve around them and many things I do for them is because they enjoy it, not me.

[melbotoast]

"I'm a mom traveling with my kids. For me, this is not a vacation. It's a business trip." - Claire from Modern Family

[Verity]

I think you are fine. It is not like you are doing the "heavy sigh, play the martyr card" every time you do something for them. It is a good think for children to know that being a parent is work and to learn to appreciate the realities of life, including the sacrifices parents make.

 

:iagree:

 

I try to have a good attitude about things but I think it's important for kids to know that all relationships require some sacrifice and parenting more than others.

 

We are dealing with a generation of kids with entitlement issues - maybe their parents shouldn't have put on the smiling face so often.

[Osmosis Mom]

I am as transparent as they come. My kids know my feelings, emotions and concerns. I am not doing the keeping'-the-facade-up-till-I-break-down-or leave-the-hubby crap. I think it teaches us all responsibility and caring towards eachother. There are many sacrifices I don't mind making, but I do appreciate a good attitude in return.

[tristangrace]

You can be a martyr mommy, or you can be a my-children-pee-liguid sunshine mommy, but neither one is loving in the long run. You want to do exactly what you are doing: demonstrating love that doesn't always demand its own way, with grace and humility, without affectation and without pretense.