Homeschool Etiquette Dilemmas

[funmamacita]

I'm working on an article about homeschooling etiquette dilemmas -- situations where you genuinely don't know the polite way to handle someone's comments or actions. I'm not thinking of truly crazy dilemmas (like moms who try to knock you off the sidewalk or women who think dinner invitations should be issued like directives!), more like those everyday what-do-I-do moments -- like when someone thinks it's OK to quiz your homeschooled child or when another homeschool mom is trying constantly to one-up you. I figure the Hive is the best group in the world to help me come up with a list of etiquette challenges homeschoolers face, so I'm asking: What are your homeschool etiquette dilemmas? If I use one you suggest, I'll be happy to send you a copy of the magazine when it's published.

[nertsmommy]

I have two things that I get pretty much all the time here.

 

"The only thing I worry about is the socialization." This is said to me all the time. I just want to tell them they don't have to worry about MY child. I don't. I can usually come up with some thing.

 

The biggest reaction I get are from people who have family members that are teachers and think because I say I'm homeschooling means that I'm saying their family member is a horrible person and can't teach. I don't know why they think I hate teachers just because I homeschool. I went to school to be a teacher. I don't think all teachers are bad. I'm not judging them.

 

ETA: I'm not sure how to respond to the last one. They always want to debate.

Edited May 8, 2012 by nertsmommy
was interrupted by DS and forgot something.

[Mom-ninja.]

I had a teacher quiz my ds when she found out we home school. At the time I was just stunned. I'm prepared now to respond, "I'm sorry but no pop quizzes."

 

As for one-up comments and most other comments I just nod, smile, and say "Oh, really?" and quickly change the subject.

[Mrs Mungo]

I'm working on an article about homeschooling etiquette dilemmas -- situations where you genuinely don't know the polite way to handle someone's comments or actions. I'm not thinking of truly crazy dilemmas (like moms who try to knock you off the sidewalk or women who think dinner invitations should be issued like directives!), more like those everyday what-do-I-do moments -- like when someone thinks it's OK to quiz your homeschooled child or when another homeschool mom is trying constantly to one-up you. I figure the Hive is the best group in the world to help me come up with a list of etiquette challenges homeschoolers face, so I'm asking: What are your homeschool etiquette dilemmas? If I use one you suggest, I'll be happy to send you a copy of the magazine when it's published.

 

Hm. I'm not sure you want my style of answers because I don't find that being nice about it is always the answer. :tongue_smilie:

[tmulcahy]

I get this one from an in-law constantly...."You can't protect them from everything."

 

Nope, I can't. But there are some things that we can avoid until they are better prepared to deal with the circumstances. We also talk very openly about anything that comes up...sex, bullying, crime in general, drugs, alcohol, etc. I think my kiddos are pretty informed.

[tmulcahy]

Hm. I'm not sure you want my style of answers because I don't find that being nice about it is always the answer. :tongue_smilie:

 

 

My answer typically depends on my mood. Sometimes, I am just fed up and intolerant to the boldness of people who think it is OK to evaluate the way I choose to raise my kids. Some days it is hard to bite my tongue. :tongue_smilie:

[fairfarmhand]

the classic line "I don't want to over-protect (over-shelter) my children."

 

Assumptions "Your kids are supposed to be geniuses because they are homeschooled" then people are disappointed when they are not.

 

One biggie is that people don't realize that although we are home, we are also working very hard, especially in the mornings. We can't just drop everything to attend a prayer breakfast at church or other event, as much as I'd like to. It is not personal. I am working. I don't want to hurt your feelings. Sometimes, I can work things in. Some parents homeschool in a more flexible way. But each child, each family, each YEAR is different for my kids, so sometimes things work out better than others. I am not trying to be rude!

[dirty ethel rackham]

I find that many people just want someone to agree with them. There was this mom that, no matter how much I told her about the great things we were doing, she had to go on and on about how the school had this great thing and that great thing and these fabulous facilities. She finally shut up when I stopped defending my choices and agreed that they school had some pretty great options.

 

For the one-upmanship, the best thing to do is to agree with the mom that her kids sound like they are doing great. These are the people you just don't share accomplishments with or you will feed into their need for attention. I have trouble with my sister on this. Her kids are in school and she loves to play this game. If my kids are in Karate, her kids just started and are ready to test for black belt. If my son played Little League, her son played travel ball and is playing up an age group. If my son gets a merit scholarship to college, her daughter will have a full-ride basketball scholarship. I joked with her about the bumper sticker I saw "My son beat up your honors student." She told me she wanted one. The constant competitiveness has really harmed my relationship with her because I have to work very hard to avoid the landmines.

[funmamacita]

These are great! (And I don't care if you're nice. ;))

[Evergreen State Sue]

I hate it when people think you are home all day so you can help out with their xyz project during regular school hours. They don't think this is my job or my children's school time.

[fairfarmhand]

for us, I would put things on MY family. "Oh that sounds like so much fun. But you know right now, school just has us covered up. MY kids just don't do very well if we get off our routine, and it takes us days to get our groove back. I really hope you have a wonderful time."

 

I have to be confident and proactive. I don't just hope that people get the point. I actually tell them what will and won't work for us. I've found that if I approach people directly, kindly and cheerfully, they can be very understanding. If I behave as if I have something to apologize for, then people tend to get more upset.

 

Noone can take advantage of you without your permission. I have also had to get to the point in my homeschooling career that I realize that this is MY responsibility. I will not intentionally hurt someone;s feelings by rudeness, but I have to protect our homeschooling time. Noone would think to ask me to take a day off of my paying job to do a b or c. I try to think of homeschooling in the same way.

[T'smom]

I actually have fun with the one-upmanship moms (or sometimes g-mas). You just start gushing about how wonderful their child is. "Really? That's amazing! They are so advanced. You must be so proud." So on and so forth. It's also fun to see how far into the conversation you can get without mentioning what your child is doing. (For instance, in a conversation about reading levels, you don't say what reading level your child is at) This gets tricky if they ask you point blank. I don't try to do this in a mean way......I hope it doesn't come across that way.

[jujsky]

I get this one from an in-law constantly...."You can't protect them from everything."

QUOTE]

 

I get that one too! Along with, "You have to let them go sometime." Ummmm.....they're 7 and 8. I think there's plenty of time to let them go, and as it is, I don't feel I'm holding them back from anything.

[Little Nyssa]

I don't know if this is etiquette exactly, but it certainly is awkward. The leadership of the local HSing group is very vocally against ALEs/charter homeschooling. But, very many of the members of the group actually belong to the ALE/charter, without saying anything so as not to cause confrontation. Some have had the discussion and have "agreed to disagree," but some keep it an actual secret.

When I was new I just asked everyone up front whether they belonged, because I wanted to find out about it, and I stirred up more than I wanted!

 

And, now the local PS district person would like to start an ALE/charter for our town and asked me for help meeting with HSers to see what they would want... but the only way I can contact large numbers of them at once is through the local HS group website, and I don't think that would be fair to them (or polite) since they are so much against it!

HTH!

[Jpoy85]

I get " You went to Public School " -- yeah and??

" What about when you get to things you dont know how to teach? " --Learn with them!

" Dont you have to be a teacher to do that? " --I am a teacher!

" Theyll have to go to school eventually to be with other kids " -- They are in XYZ now with other kids

 

and these came from mom who I keep praying one day will embrace us HSing...however yesterday she did tell me she got C stuff to bring with her to HS camp. (insert eye roll). You dont like us HSing but youll get her things to take to a HS camp? :001_huh:

[SonshineLearner]

....

 

The biggest reaction I get are from people who have family members that are teachers and think because I say I'm homeschooling means that I'm saying their family member is a horrible person and can't teach. I don't know why they think I hate teachers just because I homeschool. I went to school to be a teacher. I don't think all teachers are bad. I'm not judging them.

 

ETA: I'm not sure how to respond to the last one. They always want to debate.

 

This part... I just say that I believe I'm saving some wonderful teacher's sanity... (and only at the expense of mine) or something like that... :)

[Dolphin]

Hm. I'm not sure you want my style of answers because I don't find that being nice about it is always the answer. :tongue_smilie:

 

:lol::lol: I have only had the guts to do this one time. There was a lady in a coffee shop, and just everything about her yelled at me that she knew we were homeschooling and didn't approve. As we got to the counter she said (in THAT tone) "What no school today?" I looked her in the eye and said "We don't believe in school, so we quit. Can I have a tall latte and a kids almond steamer not to hot please?"

 

I hate it when people think you are home all day so you can help out with their xyz project during regular school hours. They don't think this is my job or my children's school time.

 

:iagree: This has been really hard. I think we are finally establishing the boundary, but yeah it's hard. I still get requests to watch kids on days the school are off (and there sure are a lot of them)

 

The biggest thing I hear people say is some version of "What are you doing for socialization?" "You need to keep an eye on the socialization." "You know socialization is really important." I used to argue that socialization is not the big problem within homeschooling, it's just not worth my time. I just agree now, "Yes, we are keeping an eye on socialization." etc...

 

One that cracks me up, is that when people see us out and about(people we don't know) the biggest thing they do is look at my ds and say "Did you have a dentist appointment today?" They are trying to figure out what is going on, he is a school age kid, not in school, but with his mom...I know...Dentist! Ok, everything is back in it's neat little box and I can go on with my day:D

[funmamacita]

Some of these sound very familiar! :)

[Cailin]

On an adult level, one nasty instance of the socialization issue was at a party within a small ring of almost-acquaintances. I mentioned that my sister-in-law was homeschooling her only child, and possibly even mentioned that we were thinking of homeschooling our only child. One of the men just about bellowed how he could never do that to his only child, who needs to learn how to get along with others, and she'd never get that through homeschooling because she has no siblings, etc. He was very loud, long, and adamant; I was utterly unprepared to respond and embarrassed.

 

Then there is the "good for you" response. When I say that we homeschool, I detest hearing that phrase. This is a reply I've heard a few too many times, and right or wrong, it sounds like "well, whoop-dee-do", as if I had just bragged that we have a regular Harvard and Oxford going on in our house. I never know what to say after that.

 

Most often though, I've overheard this type of thing between my daughter and a friend, who's in public school and in the same grade as my daughter: "You don't know division? We had that last year!" She went on to state division facts. These are 9 year olds, she wasn't being rude on purpose, and her parents weren't there to admonish. Usually in these cases, I resort to educating the other child by saying homeschooling means that we can go at our own pace, and while we're working behind in areas, we're working ahead in other areas. (The way it should be! ;))

[happyhomemaker25]

My all time favorite one, "What makes you qualified to teach your child?"

 

I'm pretty sure I qualified the day I became their mom! :tongue_smilie:

[Rebel Yell]

I never know what to say to people who say something like "Oh, I could NEVER homeschool my kids- I couldn't stand to be around them all day" :confused:

 

Also, a short answer about the homeschool process would be helpful. A ps teacher actually thought I took a class on state standards and then received my books for school.

 

Which leads to a short polite explanation about why I choose to homeschool independently and pay for EVERYTHING personally, rather than getting all the free goodies from the cyber schools.

 

Which then leads to a nice polite way to explain to cyber schooler why I independently home- school without them getting defensive or thinking I'm putting them down.

Edited May 10, 2012 by Rebel Yell
Duh! I said I cyber-schooled, when I'm independent. Not only did I fail typing, but I must have lost my mind, too.

[missmoe]

I hate hearing the "I could never do that" comment. Sometimes it proceeds on to the "You are so smart" comment. Where do I go with those comments?

 

And then I get comments about how my kids are normal, but most other homeschooled kids aren't. I'm doing a good job, but other homeschooled parents are ruining their kids' lives!

[LMD]

I hate hearing the "I could never do that" comment. Sometimes it proceeds on to the "You are so smart" comment. Where do I go with those comments?

 

 

 

Yes, these are awkward! 'You must be so patient/organised/smart etc.' - my DH nearly dies of laughter :glare:

[mumto2]

I hate the I could never homeschool my kids comment--all I can ever say is "I'm sorry." Then the conversation dies...

[fairfarmhand]

I hate the I could never homeschool my kids comment--all I can ever say is "I'm sorry." Then the conversation dies...

 

 

I always comment..."You never know what you are capable of when you have no other choice. Who knows? You might surprise yourself!"

[Crimson Wife]

And then I get comments about how my kids are normal, but most other homeschooled kids aren't. I'm doing a good job, but other homeschooled parents are ruining their kids' lives!

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

Or "I know that you are doing a fantastic job homeschooling but the state should require standardized testing/portfolios/curriculum approval/home visits/etc. because not all homeschoolers are like you." What am I supposed to say to that? :glare:

[Nature]

Several come to mind.

The most frequent is “What about socialization?†and “How will they ever survive in the real world?â€

One time I had an acquaintance ask me if I could watch her child who was too sick to go to school. She said her job is really important and she can’t afford to take another day off. She said I was the logical choice since I’m home anyway.

In another instance a family member asked my why I would want to “ruin my child†by homeschooling.

[momacacia]

Or "I know that you are doing a fantastic job homeschooling but the state should require standardized testing/portfolios/curriculum approval/home visits/etc. because not all homeschoolers are like you." What am I supposed to say to that? :glare:

Do you actually *know* any other homeschoolers?

 

And . . . ?

;)

[Random]

Recently, someone wanted to visit us for a long weekend, and assumed we would have no problem whatsoever just dropping school on Friday and Monday. I wanted to say, "Sure, you can come and stay, but we will be busy with school on Friday and Monday. We can go to the library, if our schoolwork will distract you."

 

It annoys me that non-homeschoolers don't realize we actually do school work, a lot. And that even though our schedule is flexible, we have to be disciplined and can't just skip days.

 

My neighbor is a public school teacher, and she's been very understanding about my decision to home educate. However, when I told her my boys were in Boy Scouts, she said, "That's great! Especially for...uh...well...uh...that's great!" :lol:

[AdventureMoms]

My kids are still little and we are not yet actively homeschooling.

 

However, I'm ALREADY getting "you have to let them go sometimes." and "You can't protect them from everything." It drives me batty. My eldest child turns 4 next week. I just want to yell "do you realize you are saying that about a 3 year old?" Of course I can't protect her from everything. But the public school has a bullying problem and a gang problem. I don't think a 4yo should have to learn how to deal with those issues just yet. Maybe she can learn to tie her shoelaces first. Sigh.

 

My father is also in the "how are you qualified?" camp. This was in reference to the fact that I am currently teaching her to read, not any future educating. I was just like...really? I can read. I've been reading for 25 years or so. This is not rocket science. Have I mentioned that my last job was actually doing rocket science? So I know for sure, phonics is not that hard.

[Crimson Wife]

Do you actually *know* any other homeschoolers?

 

And . . . ?

;)

 

The more relevant question would be, "do you actually know any other homeschoolers aside from the one ultrafundamentalist (or hippie) family who HS decades ago when you were growing up?" :tongue_smilie:

[Guest]

I did get a fresh one this past weekend, although the lady who said it was good-natured and funny with it, so I was good-natured and funny back:

 

HER: "...and your husband told me that you also homeschool."

 

ME: "Yes, I do."

 

HER: "Do you drink a lot?"

 

ME: "Only on the weekends." :D

 

I've gotten before, "How do you know what they need to learn," which was sort of baffling. It's not like a Scope and Sequence is only permitted in secret societies, written in invisible ink and stored in a vault. ;)

 

When I've gotten the "...can't protect them from everything..." line, I have been known to say, "Do you let your child watch R-rated movies?" (Or PG-13, if the child is very young and I can tell they'll say no.) Then I go on, "I see it in the same vein. While eventually they will see sex, violence, drug use and other bad things, I wish to screen those things out as much as possible for now. There will be a time for them to be exposed to those things, but it's not now." This logic has left a pondering look on a few faces over the years.

[Momof3littles]

I am LOL at all of the posts because I think I've already encountered most of them. My eldest is only 8 :) I can soooo relate to the awkwardness in these conversations.

 

Last year at swim lessons, DS1 and DD were busy with class and I would sit with the toddler at a table. I met several other moms and the conversation was almost immediately shut down once they figured out we HS. I don't broadcast it, but now that DS1 is 8, people usually ask me what elementary he attends. I think at swim lessons I encountered nearly all of these! What makes you qualified to teach, how do you know what to teach? What about reading? Math? Socialization? Well, YOU sound qualified, but I don't think most HSers are. I can't stand my kids; you must be a saint! And so on. That was just at a few weeks of swim lessons, but we've heard most of these elsewhere too.

[PrairieSong]

On an adult level, one nasty instance of the socialization issue was at a party within a small ring of almost-acquaintances. I mentioned that my sister-in-law was homeschooling her only child, and possibly even mentioned that we were thinking of homeschooling our only child. One of the men just about bellowed how he could never do that to his only child, who needs to learn how to get along with others, and she'd never get that through homeschooling because she has no siblings, etc. He was very loud, long, and adamant; I was utterly unprepared to respond and embarrassed.

 

Wow, I think HE needed a little more work on his own social skills. ;)

[PrairieSong]

We've homeschooled since 1992 and I've heard my share of these remarks.

 

A friend of ours who did some remodeling work on our kitchen years ago was very openly against homeschooling. He told me point blank that it was stupid, and that kids needed to be around other kids, and have sleepovers, etc. All I could muster was, "You're entitled to your opinion." But honestly!!! What if I had said to him, "Public school is stupid. You shouldn't send your kids there because of X, Y, and Z." Is that any less rude?

 

Anyway, our oldest daughter, who went to public high school, was an introvert and rarely socialized outside of things she was involved in like music and drama. Two of her sisters (who were always homeschooled) are naturally outgoing and were/are constantly getting together with their friends, besides being involved in homeschool sports and church stuff.

 

I don't hear too many naysayers anymore, possibly because we have grown children who actually went (or are going) to college, have jobs, and can actually function in the "real world". Imagine.

[LillyMama]

I'm pretty lucky to live in Colorado where home-schooling is pretty common and has been accepted for a while. But here are mine:

 

1) Public school days off. I really don't mind taking other people's kids for a day, if I have enough notice and don't have things planned. My kids are young, we school year round, and plan for lots of "breaks." And I enjoy my kids keeping in touch with their "schooled" friends. What DOES get me is the "Oh, he'd be happy to do school with you!" Yeah, it doesn't work like that. And don't try convince yourself that you aren't inconveniencing us. I may be okay with it but my day will not be "normal" with your kids just added in.

 

2) The fore-mentioned "I could never do it, you're amazing." Um, no. It's not a right or wrong, it just an is. I'm not a martyr, sacrificing my adulthood on the alter of my kid's homeschooling. Frankly, I do it because I think it's EASIER than having to take the time every night and weekend to UNSCHOOL my kids. Frankly, I think people whose kids are in public school have a harder parenting job and I'm taking an easier way out.

 

3) "Oh, I wish I could homeschool, too, because my first grader just came home talking about dinosaurs!" I just hate the assumption people make when they know I'm a Christian and homeschooling. From both other Christians and non-Christians. Just the assumption that they know why and how we're doing things because they read something once or met someone that one time.... I have no problem with people teaching their kids young Earth and all that, but I'm not a YE'er myself and the assumption that I am just irks me.

 

4) "Oh, that's why your kid still has training wheels on his bike." Any time my son is a little more cautious than other "normal" boys his age, it's blamed on my apron strings. You know, it could just be his personality. He's not shy at all, so being afraid to fall off of a bike could just be, I don't know, smart.

 

5) And I just have to comment on the oft-repeated socialization thing. I've actually just started saying, "Actually, the socialization problems in public schools are one of the reasons we are homeschooling." I mean, really, it's so artificial. You're friends with kids because they happen to be born in the same year, they happen to be put in the same class and their name is close to yours in the alphabet? You get exposed to friends and bullies the same way, and the poor kids are stuck with these people for hours a day, most of the year. Instead, we get to make friends of all ages because 1) we like them, 2) they have similar interests as we do and 3) they are good friends. We aren't forced into these relationships. What's ideal about their form socialization, that's it's the way they did it? How many people are still friends with the kids they rode bikes with in the first grade?

 

Okay, sorry, I just needed to get some of that off of my chest. ;)

[funmamacita]

Thanks so much for all the responses! It definitely seems that homeschooling families cause some people to lose their ability to self-edit!

[shanvan]

:lol::lol:

The biggest thing I hear people say is some version of "What are you doing for socialization?" "You need to keep an eye on the socialization." "You know socialization is really important." I used to argue that socialization is not the big problem within homeschooling, it's just not worth my time. I just agree now, "Yes, we are keeping an eye on socialization." etc...

 

 

My latest response is some variation of " Oh yes, I know! We really do have to watch out or the socializing will take over all of our school time. It's so hard these days with so many activities available for homeschoolers, plus 4H and other after school activities. We really have to make an effort to make sure we have enough time for academics."

 

They usually take a minute to digest and then have no idea how to respond. It's like someone just let all the air out their balloon.

 

Interestingly, I get the socialization issue mentioned to me most often by a certain group of moms who are convinced that if they don't send their kids to co-op they will be socially maladjusted. Our local co-op very much resembles the public school trends, which is one of the reasons we opted out years ago.

Edited May 9, 2012 by shanvan

[Belacqua]

I hate the I could never homeschool my kids comment--all I can ever say is "I'm sorry." Then the conversation dies...

 

As long as you're not saying, "I've met your kids. I couldn't homeschool them, either!" you're probably good.

 

Funny how the Apron Strings people are often the first to be You Let Them Do That? people, as well. The very same person who kept pointing out that I needed to "cut the cord, already" was aghast that we sent our ten-year-old to a three-week sleepaway camp in another state.

[nertsmommy]

I have one co-worker of DH that has said multiple times, "You should just send them to school that way you can have time without them. You need to get away form your kids and enjoy yourself."

He's a nice guy and means well, but really? I enjoy being with my kids. He is a very good parent to his kids though so I don't say anything.

His kids go to the catholic school. His wife was going on and on telling me I should look into that school. It was way better than the ps. Her kids are doing great there. She even told me about different programs to go through to get the tuition really cheap. Not five minutes later she was complaining about her son's teacher and how he was being taught. She also said she had problems with his teacher the previous year as well. :001_huh: And this is the school that is so great I should send my kids there? Yeah, I don't think so.

[Shahrazad]

Wow, I think HE needed a little more work on his own social skills. ;)

 

:lol:

 

I actually get really blunt comments a lot, not sure why I attract that. A few of the most recent:

 

"You shouldn't homeschool, you need to send your to school for socialization, otherwise they will come out freaks and no one will like them. They won't be able to adjust to the real world!" (Get a lot of variations of this quite rudely put but I think this one was one of the worst.)

 

"You can't shelter kids like that, they will just rebel and end up running in the opposite direction and becoming strippers or drug addicts." :confused:

 

"But how will they know English?" (English is my FIRST and primary language. They said this because despite the fact that I only speak clear, fluent english at all times with THEM, I speak to my son in exclusively Arabic outside of 'school' as I wanted him to learn the more difficult accent first. He picks up English anyway from living here so its never been an issue.)

 

Apparently people I know don't have boundaries :tongue_smilie:. I had a relative who planned to homeschool and then ended up putting her kids in school from the beginning because of comments like this. She lost confidence that she could do it successfully. The funny part is that she is a teacher now!

[ErinE]

As long as you're not saying, "I've met your kids. I couldn't homeschool them, either!" you're probably good.

 

I've thought this many times when the comment is made.

[scrappyhappymama]

I never know what to say to people who say something like "Oh, I could NEVER homeschool my kids- I couldn't stand to be around them all day" :confused:

 

 

Yeah, I can handle the socialization question- I actually look forward to answering that one. But this question always throws me. How in the world am I supposed to respond graciously to the fact that you don't want to be around your own kids?!

 

 

One objection to homeschooling I hear a lot, that I don't think has been mentioned yet, is from other Christians who send their kids to public school. They claim that good Christian kids "need" to be in the schools to be a good influence on their peers. "Going into all the world" and "being the light" and all of that. My response is typically that those directives were issued to ADULT Christians, not to little children. Almost all of the verses one can read in the Bible regarding children involve admonitions for the parents to be training them and teaching them and guiding them, Never do I read about children being required to stand up and defend their own faith and being purposely put into adverse circumstances to give them opportunities to do so.

 

Although the issue above would apply primarily to Christians, there is another similar one in a secular vein. I've had folks tell me they see I am an involved parent and committed to my child's education. Then they admonish me that these are exactly the types of kids and parents that "need" to be in the public schools, to be a good influence on other struggling students and kids from households that are not actively involved in their kid's education.

 

While I am sympathetic to the social and moral and educational issues in public schools, I am sorry but I have no intention of sacrificing the needs of my own children on the altar of (supposed) evangelistic or educational benefits for other children. That's not the way I actually answer of course, but it is how I really feel.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

I've had a few people ask me about socialization. I've had the comments that I'm actually smart enough to educate my children. But the one I get most frequently is people thinking that I get all my materials and textbooks from the school. They are flabbergasted that I get to choose all my own curricula and decide exactly what my kids will be learning. Then they are confused about how I am going to get my kids to know the same things the other kids in their grades know. And then I tell them that's the beauty of homeschooling- my kids aren't limited to only learning what a school board has deemed sufficient for that particular grade.

[Alphabetika]

I never know what to say to people who say something like "Oh, I could NEVER homeschool my kids- I couldn't stand to be around them all day" :confused:

 

 

When someone says this to me, I say, "That's okay, you don't HAVE to homeschool." Because it seems to me that when someone says this, it's as if that person assumes that YOU think she SHOULD be homeschooling. It sort of diffuses things.

[LifeLovePassion]

My mom asked me how I'd be their mom too. :001_huh: :lol:

[J-rap]

I found myself in some of my most awkward situations with our own homeschool group! It was a great group -- quite large for our small town! But they were all very pro-Republican, pro-YE, anti-Harry Potter, etc. :) Like I said, they really were a great bunch, very friendly and all. BUT, we were Democrats, favored OE, and loved Harry Potter! We never discussed any of this when with the group. It was just too awkward. I never quite knew how to deal with this. (We were the only family that felt the way we did.)

[Mommy22alyns]

How about when they hit you with something they think you haven't thought of - be sure they get plenty of social opportunities! You realize that if she wants to go to college, she's going to have to take the SAT, so you should start practicing her on standardized tests!

 

Gee, you know, those things never occurred to me. I'm glad I have you, a non-homeschooler, to tell me about them. And by the way, she's in THIRD grade. Does she really need 9 years of fill-in-the-bubble for practice? :confused:

[kalanamak]

In reply to "how will he learn to deal with difficult people", I say, "clearly you haven't met my husband".

In reply to what about socialization: "He spends his day with his is social dad. They go to the senior center and play pingpong (hubby is a "senior"), the playground where he plays with toddlers (which he loves), and homeschool gym."

In reply to being too sheltered, I tell them being in a school room with a committee approved curriculum with only children his own age and from his own neighborhood is more sheltered that what I expose him to. I DO want to shelter him from boys and girls mocking each other, PC watered down junk, schmaltz, and indulgent, over-sexualized culture. He is exposed to more danger, more real adult reality, and more .... everything by being out in the world and being taught by his outspoken Mama. ---I then look rather sweetly at them and tell them the true story of how he suddenly announced, age 5, that he was "opposed to rape".

 

These three responses have never been met with another word. I am polite, but firm/serious/sincere.

[Farrar]

I feel like we all get used to dealing with the non-homeschooler comments... to me, the biggest "etiquette" questions are the ones that happen within homeschool circles - between traditional homeschoolers and unschoolers, between secular homeschoolers and Christian homeschoolers, between evangelicals and other Christians, between authoritarian parents and attachment parenting style parents...