Rivka Posted January 5, 2012 Share Posted January 5, 2012 This morning I told my 6yo that as a treat we'd start the day with a chapter of our current read-aloud, The Magician's Nephew. Afterward I said it was time to start school. She disappeared. I called her a couple of times, thinking she might be in the bathroom, but after two no-answers I shouted "Alex, where ARE you?" and she answered "In my room, why?" The book is also missing. I decided that I was d*mned if I was going to go to her room and drag her out as if she is doing me some big favor by homeschooling. She heard me call her. She knows she's supposed to be doing school right now. This afternoon she's supposed to go roller skating for the first time, with her best friend and her best friend's father. My husband and I are hopeless on skates, so we can't teach her ourselves. She's been begging to learn. It was really kind of her friend's father to invite her. We have to have lunch at 11:30 if we are to get her to her friend's house in time for skating. My first thought is that if she isn't finished with her schoolwork by lunchtime, she'll stay home this afternoon and do school instead of going skating. My second thought is, hey, it's C.S. Lewis. Who of us hasn't wanted to spend the day in bed with a great book? Aren't we homeschooling for flexibility? If she had asked me, I would have been a lot more inclined to go with my second thought. Just ignoring me calling her is a different story. What would you do? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama2Many4 Posted January 5, 2012 Share Posted January 5, 2012 Do you know for sure that she's reading? If not, no skating. Although I don't know how you want to handle this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted January 5, 2012 Share Posted January 5, 2012 If my 6 y/o was reading CS Lewis, that would so count for school! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Lulu* Posted January 5, 2012 Share Posted January 5, 2012 I voted yes. However, I would tell her that next time you expect her to ask, not just disappear. As far as the ignoring, are you sure she heard you? When I am reading an become so engrossed that I truly do not hear anything. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jennsmile Posted January 5, 2012 Share Posted January 5, 2012 My 6 went outside to play yesterday afternoon and didn't come in to finish reading and FLL. He was told he was wanted in and I didn't fetch him. In that case no skating. Reading a book in your room, counts to me as school. Self directed but school. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted January 5, 2012 Share Posted January 5, 2012 She's only six. I would go get her if I prefer she do school instead of reading. I sometimes still have to go get my nine year old, especially if she's into a good book. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
********* Posted January 5, 2012 Share Posted January 5, 2012 This morning I told my 6yo that as a treat we'd start the day with a chapter of our current read-aloud, The Magician's Nephew. Afterward I said it was time to start school. She disappeared. I called her a couple of times, thinking she might be in the bathroom, but after two no-answers I shouted "Alex, where ARE you?" and she answered "In my room, why?" The book is also missing. I decided that I was d*mned if I was going to go to her room and drag her out as if she is doing me some big favor by homeschooling. She heard me call her. She knows she's supposed to be doing school right now. This afternoon she's supposed to go roller skating for the first time, with her best friend and her best friend's father. My husband and I are hopeless on skates, so we can't teach her ourselves. She's been begging to learn. It was really kind of her friend's father to invite her. We have to have lunch at 11:30 if we are to get her to her friend's house in time for skating. My first thought is that if she isn't finished with her schoolwork by lunchtime, she'll stay home this afternoon and do school instead of going skating. My second thought is, hey, it's C.S. Lewis. Who of us hasn't wanted to spend the day in bed with a great book? Aren't we homeschooling for flexibility? If she had asked me, I would have been a lot more inclined to go with my second thought. Just ignoring me calling her is a different story. What would you do? But, she didn't ignore you calling her. She responded when you called; in fact, it's exactly what my ds6 would have done, even though he KNOWS when I call him, he's supposed to come find me, not call back. :glare: Six is too young, IMO, to expect them to remember timelines like "We need to be done with school by 11:30 so you can go skating" WITHOUT reminders. I'd go get her and tell her the plan for the day. Then, tell her the consequence for not getting her work done on time would be missing skating. I try never to impose a consequence on my boys that they don't have advance warning of. For example, there are some behaviors that have pre-set consequences; they know if they jump on the couches, they're going in time out. They know if they do it a second time, they'll get a break in their bed. For other, less 'predictable' misbehaviors (like what you're dealing with), I always, ALWAYS give one warning of consequence before follwing through. IOW, she doesn't know that what she's doing right now (reading in her room instead of doing school work) is going to result in missing skating later. So, I think it'd be unfair to 'spring' that on her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Samiam Posted January 5, 2012 Share Posted January 5, 2012 C.S. Lewis or not, it's willful disobediance. It's a bad pattern to start....oh, I'm not going to do any schoolwork today, I'm just going to read, even when Mom says otherwise. It might be okay to do that once it a while, with Mom's permission, but there are going to be some days when you've got things planned that really shouldn't be skipped. If it were me, since she's 6, I give her one more hollar, and let her know if we do not start our schoolwork RIGHT NOW, we won't be done in time to go skating. So that way, if she chooses to continue to ignore you, it's her choice that she did not get to go skating. You are not punishing her, she choose to delay schoolwork, knowing it meant not being able to go skating...her choice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BMW Posted January 5, 2012 Share Posted January 5, 2012 I tend to go back and forth on these types of things... I want to pick that no, she cannot skate because she knew what she was supposed to do and she ignored you... Then, I feel a twinge of "aw... in bed reading... " and all the "flexibility" thing. So, I might be inclined to call her, tell her that ignoring school and my calls is not appropriate and that she is to not do that again or she will miss all other activities for the next 24 hours... then, I would say that since she has the skating event, she has homework and if she goes skating then she will have to return and do all schoolwork with no other interruptions and that if she resists or fusses, she will be given more school work the following day... and then not let her do this again without consequence... All that said, it would also depend on what the child is characterized by... Is this a routine problem? Then, no skating. Does she usually work diligently? Have the talk and go skating... Has she had a bad attitude or been disrespectful? Then, no skating. In my house a respectful attitude goes a long way... and routine disrespect will get no favors... I suppose my rules should be more black and white... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted January 5, 2012 Share Posted January 5, 2012 I think getting lost with C.S. Lewis for a day would be wonderful. Let her enjoy the moment. Then tomorrow have the discussion about school guidelines, after skating. . At six I don't know that I'd label it willful disobedience, rather distracted wonderment. We allow that here from time to time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caroline Posted January 5, 2012 Share Posted January 5, 2012 Well, I am the ps mom who has let my elementary school children stay home to read a good book or visit a museam. So I guess you know how I voted. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AK_Mom4 Posted January 5, 2012 Share Posted January 5, 2012 I called her a couple of times, thinking she might be in the bathroom, but after two no-answers I shouted "Alex, where ARE you?" and she answered "In my room, why?" When my kids were 6, if I wanted them to do something, I would have gone and fetched them myself or asked them to come where I was. I would not have expected them to pass up reading a cool book like the Magician's Nephew in favor of chores or schoolwork. Unless you specifically ASKED her to come do her schoolwork, I would let her go skating. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ereks mom Posted January 5, 2012 Share Posted January 5, 2012 C.S. Lewis or not, it's willful disobediance. It's a bad pattern to start....oh, I'm not going to do any schoolwork today, I'm just going to read, even when Mom says otherwise. It might be okay to do that once it a while, with Mom's permission, but there are going to be some days when you've got things planned that really shouldn't be skipped. If it were me, since she's 6, I give her one more hollar, and let her know if we do not start our schoolwork RIGHT NOW, we won't be done in time to go skating. So that way, if she chooses to continue to ignore you, it's her choice that she did not get to go skating. You are not punishing her, she choose to delay schoolwork, knowing it meant not being able to go skating...her choice. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cassy Posted January 5, 2012 Share Posted January 5, 2012 If my 6 y/o was reading CS Lewis, that would so count for school! Same here. In fact, I'd be thrilled! For me, it really wouldn't be a battle I'd even contemplate fighting. Best wishes Cassy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted January 5, 2012 Share Posted January 5, 2012 :iagree: Six is pretty young, and she has lots of time to learn the habit of lessons. I never just called my little ones to lessons; I'd call them, but walked to them and led them to the table. (That was rec. in a CM book to avoid selective hearing and develop the right habit.) They matured into pretty responsible young people and know mom will simply find you and bring you to work if you aren't on time. I think getting lost with C.S. Lewis for a day would be wonderful. Let her enjoy the moment. Then tomorrow have the discussion about school guidelines, after skating. . At six I don't know that I'd label it willful disobedience, rather distracted wonderment. We allow that here from time to time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted January 5, 2012 Share Posted January 5, 2012 Was she so enthralled with the book that she didn't hear you call? I used to do that all the time when I was a kid. I was IN the book. Someone would have to come tap me on the shoulder to bring me back to earth. I'm going with literature is school and let her skate. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JessReplanted Posted January 5, 2012 Share Posted January 5, 2012 She's only six. I would go get her if I prefer she do school instead of reading. I sometimes still have to go get my nine year old, especially if she's into a good book. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spaceman Posted January 5, 2012 Share Posted January 5, 2012 What about knocking on her door, walking in, looking her in the eyes and say: "we need to talk about this, meet me on the couch (or kitchen table or whatever) in x minutes". Then, you both get to talk. Use a talking stick if you have to. Practice problem solving or conflict resolution. She needs to complete her schoolwork, she wants to read the book and also go skating. Are there any ways to do all of this in a way that works for both of you? I'd probably also at some point let her know you are more than willing to work out solutions to problems that arise, but that it hurt your feelings to just be completely ignored. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetMissMagnolia Posted January 5, 2012 Share Posted January 5, 2012 If my 6 y/o was reading CS Lewis, that would so count for school! :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dmmetler Posted January 5, 2012 Share Posted January 5, 2012 With my just turned 7 yr old, I've learned that the routine is everything. So, I would STRONGLY discourage starting to read a book on her own before school, because I know it would be hard for her to change gears-but if she gets up, gets dressed, eats breakfast, brushes teeth, and does school. So, in this case, I would go in, retrieve my child, and let her know that we need to finish school so she could go skating, and let her know that if she cannot come out and do school on time, I can't let her read before school. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted January 5, 2012 Share Posted January 5, 2012 She's six. She's reading CS Lewis and you're complaining? Let her know she needs to obey you and drop it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pretty in Pink Posted January 5, 2012 Share Posted January 5, 2012 Was she so enthralled with the book that she didn't hear you call? I used to do that all the time when I was a kid. I was IN the book. Someone would have to come tap me on the shoulder to bring me back to earth. I'm going with literature is school and let her skate. :001_smile: Me, too. I had a teacher in 3rd grade who took great offense when I would get lost in a book. I remember her once kneeling down right behind my seat and shouting in my ear, "Group 3! To the table!" because I hadn't heard her call my reading group to meeting. I would just go tell her that it's time to come to the table, right now, and start her school work if she intends to go skating this afternoon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted January 5, 2012 Share Posted January 5, 2012 To me it is a no brainer. The book wins. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
T'smom Posted January 5, 2012 Share Posted January 5, 2012 I would SO let her go skating. She's 6! Skating is PE! Last night, I went to bed between 10:30 and 11. Picked up my book to read a few chapters......next thing I know, I glance at the clock and see that it's 12:35.....it MUST be 12:35 because my water glass is sitting in front of the 1. So, I slowly move the water glass.......and ACK! it's NOT 12:35, it really is 2:35. I would NOT have believed it, I even double checked the time on my phone, because there was no way I had read that long without realizing it. But I did. Poor kid, she's only 6. You homeschool to be flexible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2squared Posted January 5, 2012 Share Posted January 5, 2012 I don't think it's fair to penalize your dd's friend by cancelling skating. I'm guessing the friend is just as excited as your dd. If you need to impose a consequence, the consequence shouldn't extend to her friends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WTMCassandra Posted January 5, 2012 Share Posted January 5, 2012 I decided that I was d*mned if I was going to go to her room and drag her out as if she is doing me some big favor by homeschooling. She heard me call her. She knows she's supposed to be doing school right now. To me, this is where you went awry. I vote for "neither." I agree with the other posters that if a 6yo child does not respond you go after him/her. In this case, I would go after the child and convey: 1) It is not okay to disappear when I say it is time for school 2) If you do not begin your schoolwork now and complete it promptly you will not be able to go to skating and possibly, if the child is normally obedient: 3) If she wants a "reading day," she needs to come to you first and ask permission for it to be a reading day. I might set up some kind of rule that she can ask no more than 4 times per month, or something, so that she doesn't try to get out of school every. single. day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted January 5, 2012 Share Posted January 5, 2012 She's six. I would go get her(not doing her a big favor, but doing your job as her mom and teacher) and do school with her if that is what you feel needs to be done. If you feel that reading a good book counts as school for the day, then so be it. I would not cancel the skating unless she had a major attitude problem. She would then have to work with you outside for a while today (she clearly needs the fresh air no matter how cold it is. ) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementine Posted January 5, 2012 Share Posted January 5, 2012 Although I agree that reading the book could be 'school', I think that accepting that behavior will come back to bite you. If my kids would have gotten away with that years ago, they'd still be pulling it......a six year old may be young, but they are capable of being manipulative. ;) I would call the dad (without telling your daughter) and see if you can reschedule the skating. If so, tell her that skating is cancelled for today because she made a choice to not complete school for the day. It has been rescheduled for *day, so if you want to go, please complete your school work before you go. This is a battle I would choose to fight, because you have many school days ahead of you & you don't want this to become a daily struggle. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tarreymere Posted January 5, 2012 Share Posted January 5, 2012 "If she had asked me, I would have been a lot more inclined to go with my second thought. Just ignoring me calling her is a different story. What would you do?" I agree with this, if you ignore this it will encourage her to try this behavior again. This isn't about a six year old and what she does or doesn't do in school, this is about a six year old who is disobedient, IMHO. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted January 5, 2012 Share Posted January 5, 2012 I think getting lost with C.S. Lewis for a day would be wonderful. Let her enjoy the moment. Then tomorrow have the discussion about school guidelines, after skating. . At six I don't know that I'd label it willful disobedience, rather distracted wonderment. We allow that here from time to time. Was she so enthralled with the book that she didn't hear you call? I used to do that all the time when I was a kid. I was IN the book. Someone would have to come tap me on the shoulder to bring me back to earth. I'm going with literature is school and let her skate. :001_smile: To me it is a no brainer. The book wins. :iagree: Also, unless your homeschooling hours and daily routine are rock-solid, inflexible, and always, always, always the same, six is too young to be accountable for clock-watching or coming to school on time. At least, my kids are a little older than six when they really internalize that school usually starts at 9 a.m. and not just sometime in the morning after breakfast. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsMe Posted January 5, 2012 Share Posted January 5, 2012 I didn't vote. For me it wouldn't be either or First, she's being defiant and I wouldn't tolerate it. But on the other hand, I wouldn't read that book to a 6 year old and expect her to like it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted January 5, 2012 Share Posted January 5, 2012 I didn't vote. For me it wouldn't be either or First, she's being defiant and I wouldn't tolerate it. But on the other hand, I wouldn't read that book to a 6 year old and expect her to like it. Really? All of my boys have discovered Narnia at ages 5-7. My littlest boy is reading through the series right now. Especially for early readers, this is the best time for a first visit to Narnia. Mine all re-read the books through their whole childhood, getting more out of them each time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tranquility7 Posted January 5, 2012 Share Posted January 5, 2012 This morning I told my 6yo that as a treat we'd start the day with a chapter of our current read-aloud, The Magician's Nephew. Afterward I said it was time to start school. She disappeared. I called her a couple of times, thinking she might be in the bathroom, but after two no-answers I shouted "Alex, where ARE you?" and she answered "In my room, why?" The book is also missing. I decided that I was d*mned if I was going to go to her room and drag her out as if she is doing me some big favor by homeschooling. She heard me call her. She knows she's supposed to be doing school right now. <snip> If she had asked me, I would have been a lot more inclined to go with my second thought. Just ignoring me calling her is a different story. What would you do? C.S. Lewis or not, it's willful disobediance. It's a bad pattern to start....oh, I'm not going to do any schoolwork today, I'm just going to read, even when Mom says otherwise. :iagree: After reading, you told her it was time to do school. She then disappeared, and did not come when you called her, then acted clueless when you SHOUTED for her. I would TOTALLY discipline for that, regardless of what she was doing **instead of obeying you**. I love CS Lewis, and especially at 6 yrs ol, I think it would be totally fine to enjoy a day reading that instead of doing school. I get through stuff with DS fairly well, but classic lit is wonderful and deserves a place of priority too. BUT the issue here is not CS Lewis. It is her disobedience. I would definitely discipline for the disobedience in a heartbeat. I would have disciplined her already, honestly. What I mean by that is that I would not discipline her by taking away the afternoon with her friend and her friend's dad. Reason being, her absence will, in a way, punish her friend too. If she has committed to going, I think she should go. I really try to avoid discipline that affects others negatively also (whether it be friends, grandparents, or whomever). If it were me, I'd discipline her in a different way, put CS Lewis away for the day, do regular school today, let her go this afternoon regardless of whether you have finished school, and have a "do over" tomorrow. Tomorrow morning, tell her at breakfast that you are going to read another chapter, and that if she wants to read more afterwards, she needs to ask you and obey whatever you say. Then read the chapter. Hopefully afterwards she will ask you to keep reading or let her read now. To which you can respond with a cheerful YES! And let her read all day if she wants, showing her that if she just ASKS and obeys, sometimes she will be blessed with wonderful things, like a whole day in Narnia! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted January 5, 2012 Share Posted January 5, 2012 I'd be upset by the implied lie of hiding and not responding. On more than one occasion, I've had to say to my boys something along the lines of, well, I would have negotiated or we could have talked about it, but you stalked off/whined/did something rude instead of just saying, "Could I do this instead?" so now you're out of luck. I feel like it's actually a really important skill for my kids to learn that they'll get more by asking politely. There are some non-negotiables in our house and I'm perfectly willing to say no and this isn't something we can discuss, but I'm also open to talking it through when appropriate. But the skating is a big enough thing that I wouldn't take it away personally. If it was something smaller or more easily rescheduled, I would have a different attitude though, I admit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsMe Posted January 5, 2012 Share Posted January 5, 2012 Really? All of my boys have discovered Narnia at ages 5-7. My littlest boy is reading through the series right now. Especially for early readers, this is the best time for a first visit to Narnia. Mine all re-read the books through their whole childhood, getting more out of them each time. Really. Everyone is different. Perhaps she doesn't find it that great. Perhaps she may just not want to do school. On the other hand my dd LOVES it. But not till she was about 8. Trying to get her to sit for that, I'd have to go catch her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nakia Posted January 5, 2012 Share Posted January 5, 2012 Did she hear you the first two times you called? I agree with the pp who said it's so easy to really get into a book and block out the world. I do it. My girls do it. I would definitely lean towards grace in this situation. Go get her, remind her that when you call she has to come to you immediately, put the book away, tell her she must finish school in order to go skating, and then let it go. I highly doubt that she's going to go down some bad path of disobedience if you don't punish her for this. I would also plan to leave the reading until later in the day, if at all possible. That way she can have more freedom to read longer without distractions. And keep reminding yourself that she's just a little girl. You have a lot of years to parent her. I tell myself this every single day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted January 5, 2012 Share Posted January 5, 2012 I'd go fetch her and have her do her school work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nakia Posted January 5, 2012 Share Posted January 5, 2012 I think there's some misunderstanding on this thread. Had the book disappeared because she was reading it in her room (the way I read your post) or did she hide the book so she didn't have to read? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted January 5, 2012 Share Posted January 5, 2012 Really. Everyone is different. Perhaps she doesn't find it that great. Perhaps she may just not want to do school. On the other hand my dd LOVES it. But not till she was about 8. Trying to get her to sit for that, I'd have to go catch her. Oh, I thought Rivka said her daughter was reading the book! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted January 5, 2012 Share Posted January 5, 2012 At 6 years old, my children did not have the capacity to make the decision to do school or not. Oh, they did in little things while I was there, but not in a "I'm going to stop doing something fun and get to work now" sort of way. As soon as she told you she was in her room, I would have gotten up, gone to where she was and asked her to come to do school. If she had the book and was reading it, then you could have talked about it as a possible alternative then. Personally, I think the onus is on the adult here at this age. I would not punish her for not following through as a mom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rivka Posted January 5, 2012 Author Share Posted January 5, 2012 You guys are wise. After reading the first few comments, I went back to her room and we had a short discussion about not disappearing when it's school time and needing to do school before skating. She worked very diligently and got math (including an extra half-lesson, at her request), spelling, and WWE done in an hour. I decided to skip the nonessentials I had planned (Latin, history) and let her go skating. They're eating lunch now. First, she's being defiant and I wouldn't tolerate it. But on the other hand, I wouldn't read that book to a 6 year old and expect her to like it. Oh, no, you have it backward. The read-aloud chapter this morning was a treat at her request, and when she ran off and hid in her room she read 3 1/2 more chapters. But, she didn't ignore you calling her. She responded when you called; in fact, it's exactly what my ds6 would have done, even though he KNOWS when I call him, he's supposed to come find me, not call back. :glare: Six is too young, IMO, to expect them to remember timelines like "We need to be done with school by 11:30 so you can go skating" WITHOUT reminders. I don't expect her to keep her eye on the clock or know it's school time without being told. I told her it was time for school and she skipped out when my back was turned. :glare: She admitted that she when she answered "Where are you" with "in my room" she knew exactly why I asked. All that said, it would also depend on what the child is characterized by... Is this a routine problem? Then, no skating. Does she usually work diligently? Have the talk and go skating... Has she had a bad attitude or been disrespectful? Then, no skating. In my house a respectful attitude goes a long way... and routine disrespect will get no favors... Yeah, it's been an issue lately. Yesterday she missed out on going bowling because she lied to our nanny and didn't listen to her. I don't think it's fair to penalize your dd's friend by cancelling skating. I'm guessing the friend is just as excited as your dd. If you need to impose a consequence, the consequence shouldn't extend to her friends. This is a really good point. I'd be upset by the implied lie of hiding and not responding. On more than one occasion, I've had to say to my boys something along the lines of, well, I would have negotiated or we could have talked about it, but you stalked off/whined/did something rude instead of just saying, "Could I do this instead?" so now you're out of luck. I feel like it's actually a really important skill for my kids to learn that they'll get more by asking politely. There are some non-negotiables in our house and I'm perfectly willing to say no and this isn't something we can discuss, but I'm also open to talking it through when appropriate. This describes my attitude really well. After she finished her work in the allotted time I told her that I might have been willing to give her a reading holiday if she had asked me, and that I totally understood being lost in a good book. I don't tolerate being treated without respect. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JFSinIL Posted January 5, 2012 Share Posted January 5, 2012 You know, you'd be also punishing her friend is your withheld the skating, as that other little girl is probably looking forward to having her friend along. I'd find some other way to get your point across. In future, save the reading for the end of the school day. I know you meant it as a treat to start off with it - but that back-fired. Live and learn. There can be school work waiting for her when she gets back home - instead of playing/reading, etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LostSurprise Posted January 5, 2012 Share Posted January 5, 2012 A 6 year old is not responsible for her own schedule, IMO. You are (or deputized adult). They are learning how things work. Until they have that and a real sense of time passing, I consider myself responsible. They learn by instruction and warnings. In this case that means letting her know that in calling her you expect her to come...now. Or, telling her that any schoolwork not done this morning will have to be made up in the afternoon...when she'd rather be skating. It takes a few years of regular responsibilities, clear warnings and consequences, and the ability to tell time before I would consider a child responsible for their own scheduled work and events. In this case you have not given her a clear warning about the consequences of her actions, so the consequence is unfair. Correct her, make up the work, but don't take the skating away. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny in Florida Posted January 5, 2012 Share Posted January 5, 2012 I voted to let her go skating. However, before I let that happen, I would sit down with her and explain that, when I say we're going to do school, I mean we're going to do school. In the future, if she is really loving a book and wants to read for a while, she needs to check with me and get permission first. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny in Florida Posted January 5, 2012 Share Posted January 5, 2012 I didn't vote. For me it wouldn't be either or First, she's being defiant and I wouldn't tolerate it. But on the other hand, I wouldn't read that book to a 6 year old and expect her to like it. This surprises me a lot! I read aloud Narnian books to both of my kids by that age, and they both enjoyed them. Then, my son read through the whole series on his own when he was seven-ish. What's not to love? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsMe Posted January 5, 2012 Share Posted January 5, 2012 This surprises me a lot! I read aloud Narnian books to both of my kids by that age, and they both enjoyed them. Then, my son read through the whole series on his own when he was seven-ish. What's not to love? First, I didn't realize she had the book. Second, 6 is young and a kid may or may not like it. My dd LOVES ALL NARNIA. With that said, forgive me for misunderstanding that she had the book and second for opting to say that "some" kids may be too young for it as mine was at that age. GASP! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kathymuggle Posted January 5, 2012 Share Posted January 5, 2012 I would let her go skating. If she is expected to come when called, I would talk to her about it and deal out an appropriate consequence - but losing skating seems a bit harsh for the crime, IMHO. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kathymuggle Posted January 5, 2012 Share Posted January 5, 2012 A 6 year old is not responsible for her own schedule, IMO. You are (or deputized adult). They are learning how things work. Until they have that and a real sense of time passing, I consider myself responsible. They learn by instruction and warnings. In this case that means letting her know that in calling her you expect her to come...now. Or, telling her that any schoolwork not done this morning will have to be made up in the afternoon...when she'd rather be skating. It takes a few years of regular responsibilities, clear warnings and consequences, and the ability to tell time before I would consider a child responsible for their own scheduled work and events. In this case you have not given her a clear warning about the consequences of her actions, so the consequence is unfair. Correct her, make up the work, but don't take the skating away. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momto2Cs Posted January 5, 2012 Share Posted January 5, 2012 You guys are wise. After reading the first few comments, I went back to her room and we had a short discussion about not disappearing when it's school time and needing to do school before skating. She worked very diligently and got math (including an extra half-lesson, at her request), spelling, and WWE done in an hour. I decided to skip the nonessentials I had planned (Latin, history) and let her go skating. They're eating lunch now. This describes my attitude really well. After she finished her work in the allotted time I told her that I might have been willing to give her a reading holiday if she had asked me, and that I totally understood being lost in a good book. I don't tolerate being treated without respect. I think you handled the situation beautifully! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In the Rain Posted January 5, 2012 Share Posted January 5, 2012 I think you handled it well. For my 10yo, who still loses herself in a book when she should be doing something else, we have instituted a new policy. The book sits on the fridge for the rest of that day unless she needs it for school. It has only happened once. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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