s/o Have you been judged by your clothing/appearance?

[Nakia]

This is sort of a s/o of the "pretty" thread. I was wondering if anyone here has been judged by their clothing and/or appearance.

 

Two years ago, Cora broke her clavicle. She and our border collie were running in the yard and the dog knocked her down. She fell just the wrong way and it just snapped her clavicle. It was a warm summer afternoon, we had been outside all day, and I was dressed in an old t-shirt and stained cut-off denim shorts. My hair was piled on top of my head, and I had no make-up. My husband, just getting off work, met us at the hospital. He is an electrician and works on a construction site. He wasn't looking his best after working 9 hours, lol. I have visible tattoos and a nose ring. We were honestly treated as if we had abused our daughter. We were asked again and again and again what happened. My husband was asked repeatedly where he had been during the incident. At one point he was asked if he could verify he had been at work. We were asked more than once if we smoke or drink in the house. We don't, but what the heck did that have to do with anything?? It was actually insulting. Let me say, being a nurse, I understand mandatory reporting. I understand kids are abused. I know healthcare workers have to get to the bottom of these type of things. But there was no history and the story was plausible and consistent. At one point I had to very strongly "recommend" they give her something for pain instead of continuing the interrogation. They had NO reason to continue the questioning to the extent they did.

 

The very next week, my oldest daughter was kicked in the head by a horse. So, another trip to the hospital. I was dressed in a nice outfit and had my hair and make-up done that day because I had been running errands right before I took Anna to her riding lesson. My husband also was clean and tidy and dressed neatly. So, here I am bringing my dd to the hospital with a large bruised lump on the back of her head, and we were asked ONCE what happened, triaged, got her CT, and out of there in about 2 hours.

 

It could have been a coincidence. Maybe the first doc had some baggage. It could have been a lot of things. Was it our appearance? Who knows? I tend to think it had something to do with it. I'm not really asking your opinions, lol, but I'm wondering who else has had this type of thing happen to them.

[joannqn]

I haven't, but I'm the type who would have changed before heading into the hospital. Even at my very sickest (ie. severe vertigo causing me to puke if I moved), I showered, dressed, and put a bra on before heading to the doctor.

 

ETA: I wasn't feeling well when I responded. My point was that I believe you are treated differently because of your appearance and thus only go out in public looking presentable because of it.

Edited January 5, 2012 by joannqn

[Bang!Zoom!]

all.of.the.time

 

You know it when it's happening.

 

Like when a guy talks to your chest and not your face type of feeling.

[Audrey]

Yes, I am regularly judged by my appearance. People often think I am a very staid, conservative, quiet, untroublesome person.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

:lol: Suckers!

[Catwoman]

I haven't, but I'm the type who would have changed before heading into the hospital.

 

I doubt Nakia would have taken the time to change her outfit when her dd was having a medical emergency. I know I wouldn't have been thinking about my appearance; my only concern would have been getting my child to the hospital immediately.

Edited January 5, 2012 by Catwoman

[Catwoman]

Like when a guy talks to your chest and not your face type of feeling.

 

That never happens to me, and quite frankly, I am resentful about it. ;)

[Nakia]

I haven't, but I'm the type who would have changed before heading into the hospital. Even at my very sickest (ie. severe vertigo causing me to puke if I moved), I showered, dressed, and put a bra on before heading to the doctor.

 

If it were me, yes, I probably would have had the presence of mind to do that. But I actually kinda freak when it's my own kids. And you could SEE HER CLAVICLE sticking up like it was going to come out of the skin! :svengo::eek::ack2:

 

all.of.the.time

 

You know it when it's happening.

 

Like when a guy talks to your chest and not your face type of feeling.

 

Um yeah, that too. I have sorta large booKs, and I often have guys talk to my chest. Idiots.

 

Yes, I am regularly judged by my appearance. People often think I am a very staid, conservative, quiet, untroublesome person.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

:lol: Suckers!

 

Go get 'em, Audrey! :D I think this could work to your advantage. :lol:

[Dolphin]

Yes, I am regularly judged by my appearance. People often think I am a very staid, conservative, quiet, untroublesome person.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

:lol: Suckers!

:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

 

Someone cracked up at me today. I am wearing grey slacks, and a black blouse and look entirely presentable and nothing at all like Peter Pan (who I really am as I refuse to grow uo:D)

 

They saw my socks... one is blue stripes and the other has bright pink puzzle pieces. You have to have your rebellion somewhere.

 

Nakia, that really stinks, it has not happened to me(not based on clothes), but yes we live in a world where people jump to all sorts of conclusions. At least this one was fairly obvious. I have had times where I could tell that people had made a judgement about me and were treating based on that judgment, but no idea what on earth it was that they had judged.:confused:

[Rosie_0801]

Yes, when I was a teen and had finally plucked up the courage to wear my crushed velvet skirt out of the house. I was standing at the bus stop and a bloke with nose rings and all that came up to ask me the time. I was quite shocked, because people like that didn't talk to me! Obviously he couldn't tell I was really a conservative jeans wearing girl when I was wearing a "hippy" skirt. :rolleyes:

 

Rosie

[Catwoman]

Whether we know it or not, I'm sure we have all been judged by our appearance at one point or another.

 

When you're well-dressed and generally attractive, people tend to treat you more favorably, especially when they're trying to sell you something or there's tipping involved. If you show up in a nice car, the valets treat you better because they figure you'll give them a bigger tip. I think people also tend to view a successful-looking person as being more intelligent than someone dressed in rattier clothing. Not necessarily true, of course, but I think it's what some people believe.

 

Conversely, if you're very well-dressed in an environment where most of the people are wearing old cutoffs and tank tops, people may assume that you're obnoxious and full or yourself because you don't fit in.

 

In Nakia's case, her clothes, tattoos, and nose ring may have led the doctor to (incorrectly) peg her as being low-class. Obviously, we know that's not the case, and he should have realized it, too, as soon as she opened her mouth to talk to him and he saw how intelligent she was, but unfortunately, people can be terribly judgmental and once they form an initial impression, nothing will change it.

Edited January 5, 2012 by Catwoman

[elegantlion]

Yup, I grew up in the 80s and dressed punky in high school on purpose. We were in the suburbs of the midwest, during the era of Polo, Izod, and designer jeans.

 

I remember consciously deciding to dress this way, partially because I wanted to, partially to see who my real friends were. I found out real fast. I got along great with the foreign exchange students. :D

 

As an adult we've had that happen. My dh used to work construction, he'd get treated totally different in stores dependent upon whether he was in work clothes or not.

[KnitWit]

That is absolutely HORRID Nakia!!

[Baseball mom]

All. the. Freaking. Time.

 

Drives me insane. Hello just because I don't dress like you doesn't mean I am not a good and decent person.

[Nakia]

I doubt Nakia would have taken the time to change her outfit when her dd was having a medical emergency. I know I wouldn't have been thinking about my appearance; my only concern would have been getting my child to the hospital immediately.

 

Thank you!

 

That never happens to me, and quite frankly, I am resentful about it. ;)

 

:lol:

 

Whether we know it or not, I'm sure we have all been judged by our appearance at one point or another.

 

When you're well-dressed and generally attractive, people tend to treat you more favorably, especially when they're trying to sell you something or there's tipping involved. If you show up in a nice car, the valets treat you better because they figure you'll give them a bigger tip. I think people also tend to view a successful-looking person as being more intelligent than someone dressed in rattier clothing. Not necessarily true, of course, but I think it's what some people believe.

 

Conversely, if you're very well-dressed in an environment where most of the people are wearing old cutoffs and tank tops, people may assume that you're obnoxious and full or yourself because you don't fit in.

 

In Nakia's case, her clothes, tattoos, and nose ring may have led the doctor to (incorrectly) peg her as being low-class. Obviously, we know that's not the case, and he should have realized it, too, as soon as she opened her mouth to talk to him and he saw how intelligent she was, but unfortunately, people can be terribly judgmental and once they form an initial impression, nothing will change it.

 

So true!!

[Catwoman]

All. the. Freaking. Time.

 

Drives me insane. Hello just because I don't dress like you doesn't mean I am not a good and decent person.

 

:iagree:

 

That's exactly what some of us are trying to say over in the "The Death of Pretty" thread. Apparently, not everyone feels as we do.

[Nakia]

:lol::lol::lol:

 

Someone cracked up at me today. I am wearing grey slacks, and a black blouse and look entirely presentable and nothing at all like Peter Pan (who I really am as I refuse to grow uo:D)

 

They saw my socks... one is blue stripes and the other has bright pink puzzle pieces. You have to have your rebellion somewhere.

 

Nakia, that really stinks, it has not happened to me(not based on clothes), but yes we live in a world where people jump to all sorts of conclusions. At least this one was fairly obvious. I have had times where I could tell that people had made a judgement about me and were treating based on that judgment, but no idea what on earth it was that they had judged.:confused:

 

Yeah, I've been there too, and it sucks!

 

Yes, when I was a teen and had finally plucked up the courage to wear my crushed velvet skirt out of the house. I was standing at the bus stop and a bloke with nose rings and all that came up to ask me the time. I was quite shocked, because people like that didn't talk to me! Obviously he couldn't tell I was really a conservative jeans wearing girl when I was wearing a "hippy" skirt. :rolleyes:

 

Rosie

 

:D

 

Yup, I grew up in the 80s and dressed punky in high school on purpose. We were in the suburbs of the midwest, during the era of Polo, Izod, and designer jeans.

 

I remember consciously deciding to dress this way, partially because I wanted to, partially to see who my real friends were. I found out real fast. I got along great with the foreign exchange students. :D

 

As an adult we've had that happen. My dh used to work construction, he'd get treated totally different in stores dependent upon whether he was in work clothes or not.

 

Ahhh, the 80's! Good times!

 

That is absolutely HORRID Nakia!!

 

Yes, it was!

 

All. the. Freaking. Time.

 

Drives me insane. Hello just because I don't dress like you doesn't mean I am not a good and decent person.

 

For sure! It's so unfortunate that people are judged so harshly because of their choice of clothing!

[StephanieZ]

Sure, IMHO, we are all judged by our appearance in nearly every public interaction we have.

 

Some days I dress down. Other days I dress up. I don't really care if the people in the store think I'm rich or poor. On the occasions when I want to make sure folks think I am well off (meeting the bankers for work usually), I make sure to wear my diamond earrings and my good shoes. I KNOW it makes a difference, so I make use of it.

 

I teach my kids that your appearance in your "uniform". We recognize doctors by the white coat (or scrubs) and stethescope. We recognize police . . . etc. I teach them that every time they dress, they are choosing how to present themselves to the world.

 

IMHO, it is simply silly to argue, "But I want to wear triple noserings and tatoo my face with skulls, but it's not fair that people judge me as someone who is creepy. I just like the way this looks!"

 

Fine, like the way it looks, but don't be silly about your expectations on how folks will respond.

 

We recognize professionals by their attire, the same way we can usually tell the difference between the cleaning crew/tradesmen/architects/sales folks on a construction site. I bet you can usually tell immediately who the housekeeper is when you go to a friend's house for a daytime party of women you don't know. . . Even if they are all the same age and there are no real "uniforms", you can tell by the way they dress who is there for a social event and who is there cleaning.

 

This is the way it is. Right or wrong, it is what it is.

 

BTW, I have been told by a pediatrician that head and extremity injuries are low-suspicion for abuse, whereas torso injuries are higher suspcicion. The locations of your two kids' injuries might have played a part in their suspicions.

[Mrs Mungo]

In every possible way, HA!

[Hen]

Nakia,

 

wow, that's horrible :(

 

yes, I've had it happen to me. I noticed when I had to switch pediatricians (my old one was fab, mother of 8- she just "got" it, you know?) -but had to switch for insurance reasons..

 

anyways, I noticed the first few times that I felt I was talked down to, about my vaccine choices (we delayed on many) I started dressing up and saw a big change in respectful treatment when I showed up looking like "mom just out from the office taking kid to dr.'s" - vs. "stay at home mom in blue jeans, hair that naturally dried". It is frustrating but true, so I dress up now.

[bluemongoose]

Yes, by my in-laws and their fellow church members. I have been told via letter that I am a sl*t because I dress in pants and cut my hair. During a sermon the Pastor of their church (I was visiting) said I was going to hell because I wore mens clothing (pants) and cut my hair and was therefore rebelling against God. I am not allowed to speak to my neices and nephews because I would corrupt them. We do not speak anymore.

 

ETA: I have also been judged based on my casual non biz person dress by the wives of DH coworkers. They are all very career oriented and think I am uneducated based on what I wear and the fact that I stay home with the kids. They have nothing to do with me at work functions.

Edited January 5, 2012 by bluemongoose

[swellmomma]

I haven't, but I'm the type who would have changed before heading into the hospital. Even at my very sickest (ie. severe vertigo causing me to puke if I moved), I showered, dressed, and put a bra on before heading to the doctor.

 

 

Me too. Once I had to take ds8 to the hospital for stitches when he was about 4 ish due to a gash on the side of his head. I was dressed fine but it was xmas eve, he was covered with chocolate and then blood, and had not had his bath yet. So while I held a cloth on his head for pressure and my dad warmed up the car to drive us I gave him a quick bath and got him changed etc.

 

I have been judged for my age in the past, but seldom for my way of dressing as far as medical stuff goes. As a young mom if I needed medical help for the kids I was treated worse and questioned more than I have ever been since turning 30. Now in my mid30s I have never had to explain anything more than the first time to let them know what happened.

 

Other situations though matter of dress etc has made a difference. While shopping in particular, salespeople like to assume that if one shows up in a old t-shirt and blue jeans that you must not have the $$ to spend there and are not willing to help you out much. I have taken my business elsewhere when I have faced that. I went shopping once with $1000 cash on me to spend. I had been running all sorts of errands that day and so was in a t-shirt and jeans and was completely ignored in several stores, even when I asked for assistance. By the 3rd place I got ticked and quite loudly said to a random customer that it was too bad that none of that staff would be earning a commission on my thousand dollars. I had 2 staff at my side in seconds. Too bad so sad I went elsewhere and had a great time shopping.

 

I have tattoos but they are small and only occasionally visible, no peircings, t-shirts, jeans, sneakers or flip flops, ponytail and no makeup, that is my standard "look". Aside from being a homeschool mom I also babysit so the fewest kids I ever have here is 4, plus the ones I watch. If I am going to be sitting on the floor, and getting sticky finger hugs, and babies that grab hair etc, I am going to dress for comfort, not style.

 

If I am headed out sans kids I often put on a better pair of jeans and nicer top, maybe a little bit of makeup etc.

 

The last time I had a major medical issue to attend to I was in dirty capris, and t-shirt no makeup, hair a mess and no purse. I had been at camp trying to take a nap with dd4 when they came to get me from my cabin to tell me about ds8. The hospital staff never once did anything other than treat me properly. Now whether that was because they knew how ds got hurt and sympathized, or if it was because they knew we were at bible camp, or if it was because those particular people never judge others on appearance. I was a mess in attire, but since I was a mess emotionally too I guess that it worked for me :tongue_smilie:

[Mergath]

I live in a conservative, religious town, and I'm sure people peg me as a crazy hippie based on how I dress, my tattoos, all that.

 

However, I just don't give a flying sh*t. Anyone who judges me by my looks is exactly the kind of person I spend my life trying to avoid, so it works out well for all of us.

[Nakia]

Sure, IMHO, we are all judged by our appearance in nearly every public interaction we have.

 

Some days I dress down. Other days I dress up. I don't really care if the people in the store think I'm rich or poor. On the occasions when I want to make sure folks think I am well off (meeting the bankers for work usually), I make sure to wear my diamond earrings and my good shoes. I KNOW it makes a difference, so I make use of it.

 

I teach my kids that your appearance in your "uniform". We recognize doctors by the white coat (or scrubs) and stethescope. We recognize police . . . etc. I teach them that every time they dress, they are choosing how to present themselves to the world.

 

IMHO, it is simply silly to argue, "But I want to wear triple noserings and tatoo my face with skulls, but it's not fair that people judge me as someone who is creepy. I just like the way this looks!"

 

Fine, like the way it looks, but don't be silly about your expectations on how folks will respond.

 

We recognize professionals by their attire, the same way we can usually tell the difference between the cleaning crew/tradesmen/architects/sales folks on a construction site. I bet you can usually tell immediately who the housekeeper is when you go to a friend's house for a daytime party of women you don't know. . . Even if they are all the same age and there are no real "uniforms", you can tell by the way they dress who is there for a social event and who is there cleaning.

 

This is the way it is. Right or wrong, it is what it is.

 

BTW, I have been told by a pediatrician that head and extremity injuries are low-suspicion for abuse, whereas torso injuries are higher suspcicion. The locations of your two kids' injuries might have played a part in their suspicions.

 

Oh my, where to start. I guess I will start by saying I do not have multiple nose rings and skull tattoos on my face, though I'm sure you were just using hyperbole. I don't think it's silly at all to say that I deserve respect no matter what kind of piercings, tattoos, and clothing I wear. The way people choose to respond (and judge) is their problem. I shouldn't be classified as a possible child abuser because I don't fit a physician's opinion of "suitable." I've had this discussion here before, and it wasn't pretty, and I suspect this thread could go the same way. I guess I should have thought of that before I posted. Some people will never think outside their box.

 

And the pediatrician who gave you the information you posted is incorrect. Head injuries are the number one cause of death in child abuse, followed by internal injuries below the diaphragm. Spiral fractures of extremities are quite common as well, as are burns. The first thing health care workers are told to look for in cases of suspected child abuse, are bruises in varying stages of healing. source

 

I don't want to argue. I just wanted to point out that I've been there, and it sucks. I don't understand it. The only thing I can do is teach my children that people deserve more respect than that.

Edited January 5, 2012 by Nakia

[stripe]

In Nakia's case, her clothes, tattoos, and nose ring may have led the doctor to (incorrectly) peg her as being low-class.

 

And that poor = stupid + abusive.

[Nakia]

In every possible way, HA!

 

LOL!

 

Nakia,

 

wow, that's horrible :(

 

yes, I've had it happen to me. I noticed when I had to switch pediatricians (my old one was fab, mother of 8- she just "got" it, you know?) -but had to switch for insurance reasons..

 

anyways, I noticed the first few times that I felt I was talked down to, about my vaccine choices (we delayed on many) I started dressing up and saw a big change in respectful treatment when I showed up looking like "mom just out from the office taking kid to dr.'s" - vs. "stay at home mom in blue jeans, hair that naturally dried". It is frustrating but true, so I dress up now.

 

It's a shame you had to change because of the way your doc treated you. Just sad.

 

Yes, by my in-laws and their fellow church members. I have been told via letter that I am a sl*t because I dress in pants and cut my hair. During a sermon the Pastor of their church (I was visiting) said I was going to hell because I wore mens clothing (pants) and cut my hair and was therefore rebelling against God. I am not allowed to speak to my neices and nephews because I would corrupt them. We do not speak anymore.

 

ETA: I have also been judged based on my casual non biz person dress by the wives of DH coworkers. They are all very career oriented and think I am uneducated based on what I wear and the fact that I stay home with the kids. They have nothing to do with me at work functions.

 

Oh my goodness! That is such crap. I thank God every day for my church. Seriously, it is just amazing. I am so sorry!! :grouphug:

 

I live in a conservative, religious town, and I'm sure people peg me as a crazy hippie based on how I dress, my tattoos, all that.

 

However, I just don't give a flying sh*t. Anyone who judges me by my looks is exactly the kind of person I spend my life trying to avoid, so it works out well for all of us.

 

Have I told you lately that I love you? I do! :D

 

And that poor = stupid + abusive.

 

Yep!

[Mergath]

Some people will never think outside their box.

 

Most people don't even realize they're in one. Morons. :glare:

[meggie]

When DH and I were engaged, I had to go to Victoria Secret to get a bustier. All the salespeople completely ignored me and I was convinced it was because they thought I was ugly and/or fat (and back then, my weight was considered average, not even fat like I am now). I honestly have no idea if anyone was really thinking all that about me.

 

Since then, I've given a whole lot less thought about my appearance; I'm just too tired to care. I can't say that I've noticed people judging me. Who knows, maybe I'm too tired to be paying attention there too! I've never noticed a man talking to my chest (well, other than DH :tongue_smilie:but that's to be expected.)

 

I'm so sorry Nakia, what a terrible way to be treated.

[Joker]

Most people don't even realize they're in one. Morons. :glare:

 

:lol::lol::lol:

 

OP, yes, I have. I've also found that I much prefer to hang around those that treat me well when I look my worst.

[OrganicAnn]

I think we are constantly judged by our appearance. Though many times it doesn't matter. I don't really care if the grocery store clerk thinks of my clothes, she is not going to charge me any more or less. But there are situations where it can make a difference.

 

I remember reading about a study where the asked people to listen to a sales pitch and they had a button under the table where the pressed it when they had made up their mind - to do the deal or reject whatever the person was selling. A significant number of people pressed the button, before the salesperson had opened their mouth to say "hello". Conclusion - appearance was the deciding factor in those cases.

[Stacia]

Most people don't even realize they're in one. Morons. :glare:

 

:iagree:

 

And, to answer Nakia's question: yes. I've been judged both ways -- as both Audrey & elegantlion described.

[VeteranMom]

Yes. My most recent experience was at Goodwill. I've gone to that Goodwill for 8 years and this has never happened to me. I know I looked awful when I went in there. The night before, my kids and I were trapped out of town due to a snowstorm. I had on the same clothes as the day before, no makeup, and I hadn't washed my hair. My kids looked pretty bad, too. Goodwill was on the way home, so I stopped in. I picked out over $20. worth of used books. The cashier was an older woman I have seen many times before. She didn't recognize me. I must've looked really pathetic because she refused to charge me full price for the books and I ended up getting some kind of special discount. The books ended up costing me $1.29. I tried to tell her no, but she kept repeating "it's for the kids" and telling my son he might "grow up to be president one day". :lol: She was very sweet, but I'm pretty sure she was assuming we couldn't pay based on our appearance.

[Ester Maria]

I don't think it's silly at all to say that I deserve respect no matter what kind of piercings, tattoos, and clothing I wear. The way people choose to respond (and judge) is their problem.

In theory I agree with you. People ought to be judged by some entirely different criteria, not by what they wear.

 

BUT. The way that I interpreted Stephanie's post was that it was about *initial impressions*, the impressions of the kind you literally make in a fraction of a second. It is a kind of a knee jerk reaction - you cannot really prevent those from happening. The moment you see something, you automatically form some kind of a thought in your mind, which is somehow connected with your previous experiences and prejudices, leading to some form of judgment. What happens later is more of a "rationalization" - you remind yourself that correlation is not causation, that impressions are tricky, etc. - but it still does not change that in that fraction of a second an impression was formed.

 

My father deals with finance and he says that the moment he sees a prospective partner with a visible tatto, in that very fraction of a second where he has not had time for "rationalization" of the first impression yet, his first non-verbal "thought" is that he doubts whether this person can be entrusted with money. It is not entirely rational, but the first thought, not even entirely verbal, which crosses his mind, is that he has in front of himself a person who is capable of making a decision out of some kind of fit, but with lasting consequences, that he will regret tomorrow. And he does question, even during the moments when the "rationalization" of the first impressions begins, whether he wishes to cooperate with that person. Similar can be said for people who do not follow some kind of at least loose business dress code, who may be "serious people for serious business", but do not let it on. That is why the business dress code exists in the first place - because people do judge you based on first impressions. More or less formalized business dress code is not a cause of people judging others, but a consequence of that tendency, a reaction to it.

 

However you dress you will be judged in that fraction of a second. It is just what happens, "rationalization" is secondary. Of course, there are moments, like emergencies, where it is unwise to pay much attention to it - when you have a hurt child, of course that getting to a hospital ASAP is the priority. Anyone would have done exactly like you did, and you did well. But it does not erase that human tendency to make a first judgment.

 

Where I fully agree with you is that after that first judgment you should have been treated with due respect as any other person and with your due benefit of the doubt. Past that extremely short fraction of time, a person ought to do that "rationalization" and remind themselves to proceed with respect, regardless of whether the person in front of them is in dirty jeans or in the finest suit. And that is where, in most situations, you can tell well-raised people from the uncultured ones - by how they are going to treat the person, regardless of what was their first impression that is still lingering in their head.

[WeeBeaks]

I had a similar experience in the Children's Hospital ER. My DS had to be taken in, and I had been doing yard work. I was filthy to be honest, but we drove him streaming blood so no time to even change. I was treated as an ignorant, poor parent. I was talked over and down to and completely disregarded as having any type of brain. My DS has a psych diagnosis. I was ignored when I told them this and what his problems were. They strapped him and screamed at him, all the while ignoring me trying to tell them what his situation was and why he was reacting that way. I was told they were professionals to please shut up. This is a kid who had staph infections incised and drained with no need of restraint. But they were triggering his fight response. I was never, never, never go to Children's ER again because of the way I was treated there. Luckily we have 4 other hospitals within a stone's throw.

[ThatCyndiGirl]

Yes. A new coworker saw me knitting and talking about homeschooling the first day she met me. She assumed that I was an uptight fundie. She was SHOCKED when she discovered that I am neither uptight nor religious! ;)

[justamouse]

ALL the time.

 

They see me at walmart, dressed in 'just was baking' and ran out to get ____ with smudge and schmutz all over me, hair looking like hedgehogs were trapped in it and my light green gardening clogs. People get clippy and snooty, give me that look, and it's worse when the kids are trailing after me. Then I get that, "stoopid breeder on welfare," look.

 

 

I was cleaning horse stalls one spring for a friend, and stopped by Talbots to buy a dress? My money was so not green enough for them.

 

When we go out for business meetings, where I'm dressed up, or, when people come to the house, you'd think my toilets sprouted roses.

 

First impressions are a fact of life. They suck, for the most part, but, I think they are biologically wired into us and they, being part of the lizard brain, just didn't get the memo on the new surroundings we have these days.

 

BUT, sometimes they're spot on, especially if you've honed your gift. I have made some excellent decisions based on first impressions-ones that benefited me, and ones that people wished they'd listened to.

[KidsHappen]

I am sure I have but I am so oblivious that I have never noticed.

[mommaduck]

To the point that someone called my husband to debate with him over my choice of clothing. Apparently they took offense and felt that my clothing choices meant that his wife's clothing choices were acceptable, that I was drawing attention to myself, and wanted to know why my clothing choices were such a big deal :glare: DH then reminded him that he was the one to call us and was the one making the big deal out of it...so dh asked him, "if it doesn't matter, then why are we having this conversation?"

 

Had preacher with a church totaling his family and maybe a couple of others that would door knock once in awhile. When I started wearing a headcovering, he came by one day and asked what I had made it out of, a sheet? I reminded him that his dress shirt he had on was a cotton linen, so did he make it out of a sheet? He stuttered and got away from my house. He showed up a few years later and lectured on how Christians should only have one child, and even that child is practically a nuisance. Yeah, lovely person.

Edited January 5, 2012 by mommaduck

[Cammie]

For those of you who think professionals have a "uniform"...I am a lawyer with a nose ring!

 

Where I live now I am judged on my appearance all the time, but in a different way. As a foreigner it is assumed I am rich, don't know the local language, am willing to overpay for just about everything, and won't complain!

 

You should see the looks I get when I talk in the local language, refuse to pay the foreginer price and scold them for trying to cheat me! Don't judge a book by its cover, folks!

[happygrrl]

Yep! and what we drive, too! We own a 60's era pickup, an 80's era VW van, and a newer model luxury SUV. We own these vehicles for very good reasons, and are neither poor nor rich.

 

Nothing makes me giggle more than stepping out of our SUV wearing my rubber boots and flannel shirts, or jumping out of the hippie van in heels and fancy purse (bought at TJ Maxx of course). It is funny how cops pull us over in the van, and not in the SUV. We are given dirty looks if we pass you in the SUV, and not in the pickup. Funny stuff!

 

However my favorite moment lately was the day I decided to dress up a bit, and so put on my favorite long black skirt paired with a new t shirt (also black). It was cold, so I threw on my jacket (black) and wrapped my cold head in the closest scarf (black)... later that day an old man came up to me speaking Greek and bowing. It took while before I realized he thought I was a nun! :lol:

[QueenCat]

However my favorite moment lately was the day I decided to dress up a bit, and so put on my favorite long black skirt paired with a new t shirt (also black). It was cold, so I threw on my jacket (black) and wrapped my cold head in the closest scarf (black)... later that day an old man came up to me speaking Greek and bowing. It took while before I realized he thought I was a nun! :lol:

 

:lol:So glad I didn't have liquid in my mouth when reading this one!

[StephanieZ]

Oh my, where to start. I guess I will start by saying I do not have multiple nose rings and skull tattoos on my face, though I'm sure you were just using hyperbole. I don't think it's silly at all to say that I deserve respect no matter what kind of piercings, tattoos, and clothing I wear. The way people choose to respond (and judge) is their problem. I shouldn't be classified as a possible child abuser because I don't fit a physician's opinion of "suitable." I've had this discussion here before, and it wasn't pretty, and I suspect this thread could go the same way. I guess I should have thought of that before I posted. Some people will never think outside their box.

 

And the pediatrician who gave you the information you posted is incorrect. Head injuries are the number one cause of death in child abuse, followed by internal injuries below the diaphragm. Spiral fractures of extremities are quite common as well, as are burns. The first thing health care workers are told to look for in cases of suspected child abuse, are bruises in varying stages of healing. source

 

I don't want to argue. I just wanted to point out that I've been there, and it sucks. I don't understand it. The only thing I can do is teach my children that people deserve more respect than that.

 

Oh, I did not intend or say that people who dress in various ways do not deserve respect. Not at all. Every human being deserves respect. Respect should never be dictated by financial status, religious affiliation, etc. A decent person should and will treat others with respect. Period.

 

No doubt I dress down all the time. I wear make up approximately 5 times a year. I happily wear sweaty running gear (tights included) into the grocery on the way home from a run, and wear yoga pants anywhere I can. I get my hair cut once a year, and wear it in a pony tail 99% of the time.

 

My point was that YES, WE ARE JUDGED BY OUR APPEARANCES. I thought the question was "Has this happened to you?" and my point was just yes, of course, it happens all the time to all of us whether we think about it or not.

 

I don't choose friends based on what they wear. I don't treat people unkindly b/c they have less money or cheaper clothes than I do. I don't suck up to people who have more money than I do. I have full respect for friends and family who work in trades, just as much as those who are white collar professionals.

 

It's just a matter of life that you are judged by how you appear. I didn't write the rules; I just live here.

[Tap]

Yep, once was glaringly obvious. We were camping, I was huge pregnant and we were in a VW bus. We saw a VW Westfalia on a car lot and stopped to look at it. We couldn't even find a salesman to help us! After much effort and a long story I will skip....

 

We were sitting at a table while they ran a credit report on us. When they came back to the table, they started addressing us as Mr and Mrs and shook our hands like they hadn't met us yet. :glare: We wrote them a check for the VW, but not until after I talked them down to half of what they were asking originally. LOL

[3littlekeets]

Yes, I am regularly judged by my appearance. People often think I am a very staid, conservative, quiet, untroublesome person.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

:lol: Suckers!

 

Hilarious! Lure them in with modest dress, then stick it to them :D.

[3littlekeets]

I live in a conservative, religious town, and I'm sure people peg me as a crazy hippie based on how I dress, my tattoos, all that.

 

However, I just don't give a flying sh*t. Anyone who judges me by my looks is exactly the kind of person I spend my life trying to avoid, so it works out well for all of us.

 

LOVE it!

[Tree House Academy]

Absolutely. Not only that, but I have been judged based on the friends I am with at any given time as well. And when I pull out the denim jumper....

 

 

 

 

 

 

Totally kidding...I don't even own a "jumper" much less a denim one.

[Tap]

One thing I find interesting, is how many people will ask to speak to the male pharmacist I work with instead of the female one. They are both between 30-40, both attractive, both have the same credentials, both are very nice, both are knowledgeable. There are just some patients (especially the elderly) who will ask to speak to the 'man pharmacist'.

[Word Nerd]

 

It's just a matter of life that you are judged by how you appear. I didn't write the rules; I just live here.

 

:iagree: It's just the way it is and part of human nature. Of course I have been judged by my appearance before, sometimes positively and sometimes not. I highly doubt there's a person on this Earth who hasn't ever been judged based on appearance--or who has never judged someone else or made certain assumptions based on appearances.

[WarriorMama]

Yes. We're aging punk rockers. :lol:

 

My appearance has slowly become more conservative over the years I've been a parent, because I just couldn't get people to take me seriously. :glare:

 

I actually look very, very normal these days. It's pretty weird, to me. I look like everybody else, and I've mastered idle mommy chitchat, and everybody thinks I'm PERFECTLY NORMAL.

 

 

...until they get to know me. :D

[Audrey]

For those of you who think professionals have a "uniform"...I am a lawyer with a nose ring!

 

Where I live now I am judged on my appearance all the time, but in a different way. As a foreigner it is assumed I am rich, don't know the local language, am willing to overpay for just about everything, and won't complain!

 

You should see the looks I get when I talk in the local language, refuse to pay the foreginer price and scold them for trying to cheat me! Don't judge a book by its cover, folks!

 

Definitely not! You really never know who you are insulting when you make assumptions about people based on how they are dressed.

 

Two cases in point -- actually from the same story.

 

Point 1: never assume that you know what a farm wife is.

 

I was all dressed and ready to go to a big meeting where I would chair a panel interviewing several people for a provincial staffing. I was dressed in one of my better suits, but waiting for a grain truck to show up to load and take to the elevator. My dh was working at an off-farm job that day. Someone had to get the truck loaded. The truck was supposed to show up at 7am. No problem. That would give me plenty of time. It didn't arrive until after 8am. I threw on my barn boots, ran out, got the auger set up and we loaded that truck. The driver could not stop staring and when I asked him why, he remarked on how "spiffy" my chore clothes were. I laughed and told him "well don't you know how loaded all us farmers are? I've got a reputation to upkeep."

 

Point 2: never assume that you know what a woman in a suit is.

 

I then threw the barn boots back in the mudroom, grabbed my pumps and dashed off to that meeting. I called on the way to explain that I'd be about 10 to 15 minutes late and that I would understand if someone else stepped in to chair. I was told that things were running quite late as it was, so there was no problem. When I arrived, it was about time to get going and folks were milling around. I promptly trotted up to my senior colleague, smiled, nodded and let her finish listening to a rather degrading joke some fellow was telling about a stupid redneck farmer and his equally stupid trashy wife. After the joke, I said to my colleague, "Sorry, I'm late. I was loading a grain truck." She assured me that everything was fine and she understood perfectly well. No problem. The fellow looked ... shall we say ... rather uncomfortable then, but not nearly as uncomfortable as when he was called in to the interview and found me sitting in the middle of the panel.

 

 

 

 

 

And, the answer to the inevitable question is no. Mr. Jokey did not get any of the positions available.

[LucyStoner]

Oh yes, to my advantage and disadvantage. I work in non-profits/social services and I often need to dress down to be able to get people to trust or relate to me. I also know that I get much better service at the store when I walk in with nice hair, trendy clothes and wearing my diamond wedding rings.

 

I also had someone tell me that I did not look like a homeschooling parent and I took that to mean that I was wearing the Seattle uniform (Keen runners, trendy jeans, chunky sweater) and not "conservative" garb or whatever. I have no idea. I should have asked them if they thought I should go buy a jumper. Where does one even buy jumpers these days?

Edited January 5, 2012 by kijipt