Eleni Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 (edited) For me it is the full realization that "inch by inch it's a cinch, but by the yard it is hard" or "How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time!" I am a person who has traditionally been impulsive and wants to see change NOW! Budget overhaul..make it happen yesterday! Weight loss- jump in feet first change up my whole life, run myself ragged, and....within a week I give up. It has been so revolutionary for me that small, incremental changes do add up and they are nothing to fear. The other thing for me, is that time really is too short and it has caused me to evaluate relationships and what is most important within them. It has also allowed me to disengage from toxic people in my life. This lesson was learned by my dad dying of cancer when I was 22, my mom dying of cancer last year when I was 33, and my brother dying of cancer a year before my mom when he was only 58. It also made me realize I might not live till Im 80 and I need to make the most out of my life now. What has it been for you? Edited May 23, 2011 by Eleni Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Clothesline Musings Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 That life is not about being happy and when you strive for happiness you will be disappointed. Finding contentment right where you find yourself can bring you joy as well as happiness but happiness is not required to be content. Contentment also brings a ton less stress to one's life. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WTMCassandra Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 The reality of toxic/abusive people and the resulting dynamic, sadly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meggie Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 :iagree: I agree with everything everyone's said so far. Also for me, I've realized that I don't need to be perfect to be loved. Also, the power of not holding on to "things". I'm glad I realized that early enough. Also, procrastinating is stupid, it just makes things worse. I'll probably think of some more later, but this is what I'm thinking about now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nono Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 I guess it is that most people overestimate their ability to detect deceit. And, if someone chooses to deceive me, then shame on him/her for the deceit, and not on me, for my trust. Of course, the phrase, Trust but verify, resonates well with me too. ;) But I sit here full in the knowledge that if a loved one is intent to do so, he or she can deceive me. And, I'm OK with that. (In fact, I do very little verification simply because it would be such a time eater). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denise in Florida Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 Stay Calm and Carry On. I had a friend who had a realistic 'tough love' approach. When things would get tough or just uncomfortable she would say there was no point in complaining just 'put and your big girl panties and get going'. Since then I have noticed in myself and others a first response of 'sit and complain'. This just ends up wasting time/energy, and then we STILL have to get through whatever we were complaining about. That was an ephiphany that has saved me a TON of grief. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama Geek Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 It is ok not to follow societies norms, the world will not end. Family might not like it but that is tough. I have also learned how to be a loving wife and mother after having some pretty bad times as a result of my parents divorce. I am amazed that my dh stuck with me while I learned this one after about 9 years. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sandellie4 Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 Mine is surprisingly simple: I always thought that other people knew what they were doing, so I was very careful in what I would attempt. It's taken me soooo many years to understand (I found the recent "confession" thread interesting) that we're all in the same boat -- lots of tough challenges. No one is pretty enough, or smart enough, or "good" enough to avoid life's challenges. I'm beginning to feel like I just might be a bona fide member of the human race. I know it sounds silly, but this has been a real issue for me, causing me to become immobilized at times. :D Sandy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 That a human being can adjust to pretty much anything, and not only *survive*, but still find joy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denise in Florida Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 Mine is surprisingly simple: I always thought that other people knew what they were doing, so I was very careful in what I would attempt. It's taken me soooo many years to understand (I found the recent "confession" thread interesting) that we're all in the same boat -- lots of tough challenges. No one is pretty enough, or smart enough, or "good" enough to avoid life's challenges. I'm beginning to feel like I just might be a bona fide member of the human race. I know it sounds silly, but this has been a real issue for me, causing me to become immobilized at times. :D Sandy BTDT :iagree::iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missiemick Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 The latest would be that things will not always turn out the way you hoped/planned and to get over it and get going. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometime you just might find you get what you need. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometime you just might find you get what you need. Life by Mick Jagger :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meggie Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 oh yeah, the biggest one i forgot: sometimes it's best to just keep your mouth shut. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 Life by Mick Jagger :lol: But a truth nonetheless. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChristusG Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 To just be. Don't care about others, don't care about the norm, don't care about fitting in. Just be. Just follow your heart (as long as it's within God's boundaries for us). I'm shy and don't have friends? Oh well, I have two (soon to be 3) wonderful kids, a wonderful husband, and a great extended family who I love to spend time with. As far as following society's norm to raising children (I homeschool, we have a family bedroom, I shelter my kids, etc)? Oh well, people can think I'm strange.....but hopefully my kids will grow up to know they are loved, look back on a great childhood, and be wonderful adults. The Joneses? Ahh, forget about them. Just be you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jamee Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 That a human being can adjust to pretty much anything, and not only *survive*, but still find joy. :iagree:Oh so true! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosyl Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 Everything is gonna be OK. It doesn't matter the circumstances--it's gonna be OK. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I.Dup. Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 That what *I* want isn't always the best thing (what a revelation! :lol: I'm a slow learner)...so pushing hard for MY way isn't often the best idea. It's often better to fake good emotions than wear all of my negative emotions on my sleeve (I'm thinking esp. at home around my children since that is where I am most of the time). Negative emotions tend to hurt people and don't make me feel better anyway- "fake it until you make it." For a long time I felt that these negative emotions (anger, depression, self pity) were so powerful that I couldn't possibly control or change them- very immature. I rarely regret making selfless decisions...it's usually the times that I push and fight for my way or my rights that I end up regretting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarlaS Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometime you just might find you get what you need. groan.... now I'll never get that out of my head thank-you-very-much. :glare: ;) I'm still thinking about what I've learned. There must have been something noteworthy in 22 years of adulthood. Much of what's been said so far resonates (and some I'm still working on...). I didn't want to be repetitive though. :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarlaS Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 oh yeah, the biggest one i forgot: sometimes it's best to just keep your mouth shut. :iagree: But so hard sometimes... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I.Dup. Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 To just be. Don't care about others, don't care about the norm, don't care about fitting in. Just be. Just follow your heart (as long as it's within God's boundaries for us). I'm shy and don't have friends? Oh well, I have two (soon to be 3) wonderful kids, a wonderful husband, and a great extended family who I love to spend time with. As far as following society's norm to raising children (I homeschool, we have a family bedroom, I shelter my kids, etc)? Oh well, people can think I'm strange.....but hopefully my kids will grow up to know they are loved, look back on a great childhood, and be wonderful adults. The Joneses? Ahh, forget about them. Just be you. :iagree: I like this. This is also something I'm learning as I get older...being more comfortable in my own skin, in who I am. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sukale Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 This too shall pass... Whether it be the greatest moments or the awful ones. That phrase helps me remember to enjoy the little moments when we are at the park walking around the pond with the little one feeding the ducks and the 12 yr old talking to me about what's going on in her life. Also it helps me to know that we will make it through the storms in life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 The suburban status quo does not have to be your life. Follow your own path. Don't judge others on their actions and yourself on intentions. Give more grace than you think is necessary. Sometimes people just don't care about your drama. It's probably nothing personal, they're most likely going through their own stuff. Love people more than things and take care of both. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 groan.... now I'll never get that out of my head thank-you-very-much. :glare: ;) You're welcome. It has been in my head for two days. The thread was timely. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anissa Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 Cleanliness is not next to godliness. With 4 boys and two big dogs, I have had to relax. Ok, I still turn into a freaked-out cleaning machine if certain people are coming to my house, but I am working on this.:). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kebo Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometime you just might find you get what you need. This is so funny -- my daughter and I (she's 3) were singing this in Kohl's today. I had said no to something she wanted, then paused to look at something for myself. She very firmly said, "Mom, you can't always get what you want", causing us to laugh and break into song. It's one of the first songs I taught her ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 Faith transcends belief. That's my doozy. My basic beliefs from experience are: Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong. Done is good. Most people are really nice. My fundamental thought is that good character, especially honesty, is what enables you to live with yourself. I strive to glorify God and exhibit both kindness and truth in my life and my dealings with other people. I fail often at this, but it's my endeavor. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 If you get anything but cowardice and weakness from other people, be delighted. If you don't get anything but cowardice and weakness from other people, don't be surprised. Be your own rock. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Rat Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 The biggest lesson I've learned is that everyone is not like me and that's okay. I've also learned that I can eat that entire elephant one bite at a time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alicia64 Posted May 24, 2011 Share Posted May 24, 2011 That staying calm helps every situation and that acting like a whack-job helps NOTHING. Gosh, it's taken me a long time to internalize that idea. Alley Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SailorMom Posted May 24, 2011 Share Posted May 24, 2011 To not stress over things I cannot change. To enjoy my life minute by minute, and not worry about what is going to happen the next hour or the next day. To be mindful of what is happening NOW, as opposed to always thinking about the past or the future. Forgiveness is better for me than anger, but sometimes anger is good to get you through the rough spots. That truly this is the only life here that we have, and it is really short, and we only get one shot. Dorey had a great lesson as well, "Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming...." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted May 24, 2011 Share Posted May 24, 2011 That most folks are imperfect, but decent, love their kids, and are trying to make sense of the world as best they can. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RoughCollie Posted May 24, 2011 Share Posted May 24, 2011 Cleanliness is not next to godliness. With 4 boys and two big dogs, I have had to relax. Ok, I still turn into a freaked-out cleaning machine if certain people are coming to my house, but I am working on this.:). If you find yourself in relapse mode, please come to my house at once. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted May 24, 2011 Share Posted May 24, 2011 That I do not have to be in control, and that it's better for me not to be. That a heart broken into a million little pieces can still sing for joy. That there is a hope that is not dulled or diminished by difficult circumstances--that I know the "solace of fierce landscapes." That God is good and trustworthy, and that he loves me, and that he loves those I love even more than I do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sputterduck Posted May 24, 2011 Share Posted May 24, 2011 Mine is surprisingly simple: I always thought that other people knew what they were doing, so I was very careful in what I would attempt. It's taken me soooo many years to understand (I found the recent "confession" thread interesting) that we're all in the same boat -- lots of tough challenges. No one is pretty enough, or smart enough, or "good" enough to avoid life's challenges. I'm beginning to feel like I just might be a bona fide member of the human race. I know it sounds silly, but this has been a real issue for me, causing me to become immobilized at times. :D Sandy Me, too! It turns out that framing a house and car repair aren't at all difficult. There are so many things I considered expert domain that I wouldn't even attempt because I thought that learning them were huge deals that would be super hard and take a very long time. Oops. Most things really are easy. I also learned that even though I can feel unsure of myself and like I don't know what I'm doing, so do most people. I thought you just hit a point in your life where you had so much life experience that you were just confident in everything. Nope! So now, I just go forward anyway and find that I'm a ton more capable than I ever knew. If I only knew this 15 years ago. :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donna Posted May 24, 2011 Share Posted May 24, 2011 I have learned that I can't plan/control everything so sometimes I have to delegate or simply trust others to handle some things. I have also learned that doing just a little bit of something every day can yield amazing results. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Onceuponatime Posted May 24, 2011 Share Posted May 24, 2011 I've learned that sometimes the things you wish you had are not what you thought they would be, and often cause major headaches. So be happy where you are. I've learned that there is always someone else who has had the same problem you have, but you don't find out until you open up. The messages we tell ourselves make a huge difference in our lives. Changing the tune in our head can work work wonders. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eternalknot Posted May 24, 2011 Share Posted May 24, 2011 Friends of Bill W. will understand -- for me, the most life-changing lesson as an adult has been to live the Serenity Prayer. And I'm not even a Christian, nor have I ever been. Repeating it, embracing it, and living it has been a long, long lesson ... ever in progress! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
littlebug42 Posted May 24, 2011 Share Posted May 24, 2011 I have learned two major lessons as an adult. One is that I cannot control the way other people treat me, only how I react to it and what I do from there. The other is that love/relationships are definitely not like soap operas. Growing up, I did not have any healthy relationships around me much so I got what I learned about relationships from soap operas. It took a very painful, nasty, relationship in college for me to begin to come to terms with the fact that I did not have to suffer for love for it to be real. When I started dating dh, it took me a while to trust it because it was just so easy. Loving him has been peaceful and easy and exactly the opposite of everything I learned from Days of Our Lives. (I have always said that the best thing my college boyfriend ever did for me was drive me into therapy). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KrissiK Posted May 24, 2011 Share Posted May 24, 2011 The first is... life doesn't always turn out the way you planned, and that's ok. I'd planned on being married by the time I graduated college and have 2 kids by the time I was 30. Well, I got married at age 34 and am infertile. But, it turned out all right because we adopted. The second is.... be flexible. Because life doesn't always turn out the way you planned. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tampamommy Posted May 24, 2011 Share Posted May 24, 2011 This thread is like a "Wisdom from the Well-trained parents" book. You all have wonderful insight. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twigs Posted May 24, 2011 Share Posted May 24, 2011 This too shall pass. I'm a survivor. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sandellie4 Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 Me, too! It turns out that framing a house and car repair aren't at all difficult. There are so many things I considered expert domain that I wouldn't even attempt because I thought that learning them were huge deals that would be super hard and take a very long time. Oops. Most things really are easy. I also learned that even though I can feel unsure of myself and like I don't know what I'm doing, so do most people. I thought you just hit a point in your life where you had so much life experience that you were just confident in everything. Nope! So now, I just go forward anyway and find that I'm a ton more capable than I ever knew. If I only knew this 15 years ago. :glare: Exactly!! :001_smile: Sandy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FrogMom5 Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 Several yrs. ago a roommate of mine always said you can wallow in your own self-pity for 5 minutes. After that, get over yourself and get on with your life. I use that one all the time when I begin to feel down. It really helps to get me back into gear and move forward. Denise Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 (edited) I have learned that sometimes, things CAN get worse. I have learned that just because someone knows the right thing to do, doesn´t mean they will do it. Some people really do cause chaos on purpose. I have learned that being overly optomistic, can also mean being purposefully ignorant. (I am talking about myself, not someone else) ....its been a rough year ´round these parts. Edited May 25, 2011 by Tap, tap, tap Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Granny_Weatherwax Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 The world doesn't end when your worst nightmare becomes a reality, it just changes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
duckens Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 *too heartbreaking to share* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oops, duplicate account :/ Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 *too heartbreaking to share* :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 I'm of the pull your big girl panties up and deal type. The sun will come up the next morning no matter how I feel. But my biggest lesson has been that the less I rush (mentally and physically), the more I get done. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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