Sex vs Violence vs Profanity...which bothers you most as a parent?

[tntgoodwin]

Obviously what we let our children be exposed to will differ a lot based on the child's age and maturity. However, what standards does your family have as far as sex, violence, and profanity go in media?

Books, movies/television, and video games would be the biggest areas.

As my children are still young, we try to shield them from profanity and anything more sexual than kissing (think Disney Princess level). Mild cartoon type violence isn't really a problem, but I know that even if they were to walk in on a movie that my wife and I were watching, we would be more concerned about sex or nudity, and profanity, rather than violence (not gorey or scary though).

 

I know when I was a boy (probably 12 or 13) my parents bought me a computer game that was rated M for violence. I was surprised and remarked on it. My dad pointed that I had no problems differentiating between reality and fantasy. At the same time, we had the TVG box that would mute swear words in movies and TV shows. We couldn't watch Friends because the characters had premarital sex. (However, they did give permission to watch the uncut version of Schindler's List in 4th grade.)

 

I saw an explanation somewhere that talked about this seeming inconsistency... Violence in movies is pretend, profanity is part of a character, but when actress is naked onscreen, that is actually somebodies daughter being exposed up there.

 

Thoughts?

[Nestof3]

For young ones, there's no sex or what I consider immodesty. We are also much stricter about language and violence. Nathan (11) watches History Channel documentaries like Battle 360, and I have no problem with that. Honestly, the boys are very sensitive to violence and gore.

 

Even when guys get older, we are still strict about the sex/modesty stuff; I would also also not allow sex scenes with daughters (if I had any). I don't care if sex is mentioned, etc., but no visuals. Movies that depict women as merely there for one reason are also banned. My husband is still very select in what he views. I fast forward through sex scenes and do not appreciate nudity. I will watch some movies that my husband doesn't watch. These sort of scenes make me feel uncomfortable because I still think it should be something only shared between a husband and a wife -- something too intimate for screen. I just don't understand how actors feel comfortable doing things like that.

 

As teens, I become much slacker as they age in regard to language and violence (I have no problem with violence in movies like 2012 and war movies). They will encounter language and possibly violence (ds goes in the Marines in about 1.5 years) the rest of their lives. Sexual situations he encounters will be completely choices he makes.

 

*******************

 

Oh, books. Pretty much the same except the visual is stronger, in my opinion, than just reading so I am even slacker there. My son listened to later Star Wars book when I wouldn't let him watch the movies. Reading about David and Bathsheba is a different thing than showing it on film. A lot can be left to the imagination, and I would prefer it was.

 

Nathan listened to and read LOTR before I let him watch it. Though I have no problems with the violence in it, he is sensitive. I love Horatio Hornblower, but one cannon ball to the head sent him running. The tarring and feathering totally freaked him out in the John Adams miniseries -- and he only saw the guy being carried off.

 

I personally wish there were no bad language in books or movies. I'd also like to do away with base humor in children's movies.

Edited April 3, 2011 by nestof3

[Mrs Mungo]

I saw an explanation somewhere that talked about this seeming inconsistency... Violence in movies is pretend, profanity is part of a character, but when actress is naked onscreen, that is actually somebodies daughter being exposed up there.

 

I think that is understandable in movies, but I'm not sure how *that* particular argument carries through to books? Violence/scary stuff *can* be scarier in a book (the part where they go to get the dead in LOTR? That is SO scary in the book, it was nothing in the movie) than a movie. And the sex can be more graphic than it is in movies.

 

Hard stuff to explain, really. I grew up reading, I'm from a family that reads a *lot*. I hand certain books over to my kids when they reach certain stages of maturity. I couldn't justify why if I tried.

[AK_Mom4]

Sex bores me in printed material. I think it rarely adds anything to the plot to describe graphic sex scenes. Actually, it's a bit boring in movies too because it's usually not well done.

 

Profanity bothers me if I have to hear it - I can't stand profanity anymore in TV or movies.

 

Violence doesn't bother me much either way, though I am not overly fond of gore hacking scenes in movies - they are just tasteless.

[Sputterduck]

Sex because teaching morality about violence and profanity is easy.

[eternalknot]

However, what standards does your family have as far as sex, violence, and profanity go in media?

 

I have no blanket standard.

 

To me, it depends more on context than it does on what is the actual offense (sex, violence, profanity). What is the context, and is it meaningful or relevant to the story or is it simply gratuitious?

[kalanamak]

If I have to pick: violence

 

I've sworn, I've had sex, but I have not been a violent person. Violence is against another, someone is a victim. And it is made to look so clean and painless, and something that only happens to others.

[Sugarfoot]

If I have to pick: violence

 

I've sworn, I've had sex, but I have not been a violent person. Violence is against another, someone is a victim. And it is made to look so clean and painless, and something that only happens to others.

 

We limit both, but violence REALLY bothers me.

[kchara]

For us, it's sex. Profanity, my kids are just going to hear. Unfortunately, probably from their father and I. (Not something I'm proud of, just the way it is.) We try to watch it, but, it happens.

 

Violence, I think, is easy to shield kids from. I can see violence usually a mile away. Sex, however, is harder. I'm the mom that turns all of the magazines around in the checkout line, so my son doesn't have the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition staring at him at eye level (yes, that actually happened a few weeks ago. Turned it around, and the green M&M was on the back in the exact. same. pose as the girl on front. :banghead: Not a happy mama), and the Cosmo articles don't give them questions in their heads they don't need to have. Sex is EVERYWHERE, so I have to be much more diligent in guarding them from it.

[secular_mom]

Violence is most disturbing. My young children don't care much about sex right now. They do have some questions sometimes but I just answer them matter of factly as they come up. Sometimes they are prompted by a movie or something, sometimes not. People have sex, that's a fact and I'd rather my kids feel like it's normal and feel free to ask questions and talk about it while they are young than to grow up feeling like it's some dirty secret that we're supposed to be ashamed of and then end up with weird complexes.

I used to be uptight about it, but when I relaxed and started just honestly and factually answering their questions without being uncomfortable about it they were clearly relieved. Sometimes they still act uncomfortable about certain questions but when I answer them you can see the relief on their faces- it's a burden to them for a subject to seem taboo. So we don't really shield them from sexual imagery (we don't do porn here so that's not an issue) unless it includes violence.

[Britomart]

I have no blanket standard.

 

To me, it depends more on context than it does on what is the actual offense (sex, violence, profanity). What is the context, and is it meaningful or relevant to the story or is it simply gratuitious?

 

:iagree: I think context is terribly important. Just about any subject can be dealt with well, and any subject can be dealt with poorly. Some are a lot harder than others to deal with well, but I'm not going to say, for example, "I'm never going to let my child read a book that deals with premarital sex." I'm going to ask, "is it dealt with well?" and "whether it is or not, given the material, is this particular child mature enough to handle it, to analyze it, to discern what is good here and what is bad?"

 

So, I think context is important (how is it dealt with? is it necessary to the story?), but I think age is important too . . . if you're a pre-teen (all of my kids are at least five years from puberty), you really don't need to much more about sex than the basic biology. It shouldn't really be in your world at that age. I guess that's a different sort of context. The kid sort of is his own context. :)

[Peela]

Sex doesn't bother me too much, although I certainly don't go out of my way to expose them to it. Mostly they still go "eeww" and turn away.

 

Violence - I tried to shield ds for as long as possible, but dh didnt think it was as big an issue as I did- I guess its a guy thing- so I lost eventually. Most violence is kinda obviously not real- there is a type of violence that is so dark and horrible and realistic, that I do not allow.

 

My biggest peeve is the poor attitudes. Ds15 likes to watch 2 and a Half Men, and Family Guy, both of which I find to have unhealthy attitudes. This kid doesn't need that sort of input :) so I actually don't let him watch those shows. Sit coms with some sex like Scrubs, don't worry me- I think the underlying message in that is ok.

 

Profanity doesn't bother me too much, but really crass, crass humour- yuk.

My son wanted to watch Borat for years - we wouldn't let him-eventually he did watch it (somewhere else) and we had to stop the inappropriate humour that flowed from it.

[Audrey]

Sex doesn't bother me too much, although I certainly don't go out of my way to expose them to it. Mostly they still go "eeww" and turn away.

 

Violence - I tried to shield ds for as long as possible, but dh didnt think it was as big an issue as I did- I guess its a guy thing- so I lost eventually. Most violence is kinda obviously not real- there is a type of violence that is so dark and horrible and realistic, that I do not allow.

 

My biggest peeve is the poor attitudes. Ds15 likes to watch 2 and a Half Men, and Family Guy, both of which I find to have unhealthy attitudes. This kid doesn't need that sort of input :) so I actually don't let him watch those shows. Sit coms with some sex like Scrubs, don't worry me- I think the underlying message in that is ok.

 

Profanity doesn't bother me too much, but really crass, crass humour- yuk.

My son wanted to watch Borat for years - we wouldn't let him-eventually he did watch it (somewhere else) and we had to stop the inappropriate humour that flowed from it.

 

The bolded. Yes. :iagree:

 

And if I can only pick from sex, violence and profanity, then, to me, the violence is the worst offender.

[Shawna in Texas]

This is something I've thought about a lot this year. Lately, dd has been reading more than I can keep up with. I generally like to pre-read (or stay a couple chapters ahead) assigned things to keep up. Not for content, but because I like to discuss things. So, we have a pile that I've not gotten to. She asked if she can read Gaiman's Stardust in the meantime. When I didn't answer right away (she knows I had reservations about her reading the book because a mild sex scene.) Well, she giggled at my silence. We read Once and Future King this year. She said, "We just read a book with a unicorn being slaughtered quite brutally and a crazy woman who boiled a cat for bones, certainly a little snoo snoo (Futurama reference) isn't going to traumatize me." Girl had a point.

Edited April 3, 2011 by Shawna in Texas

[Carrie12345]

Generally speaking, violence, then sex, then profanity. Context and degree are very important though. I love me some well-placed profanity, so I only censor that when it's intermingled with the others. (Think most of George Carlin vs. a lot of Louis CK.)

 

And I absolutely agree with poor attitude. My 7-12yos are allowed to watch Disney and Nickelodeon "garbage" tv, but we have A LOT of discussions about the shows, and I have banned a couple of the shows, and even certain episodes of shows they're otherwise allowed to watch, when I've seen attitudes I strongly disapprove of.

 

I do think that my otherwise permissive position combined with our conversations about the borderline stuff helps them to respect the line I draw. My kids are pushers. (But I wanna... Why can't I... That's not fair..., etc.) They've never once questioned me when I've told them a certain show was off limits. For *MY* kids, that's a big deal.

[Jenny in Florida]

I'm much more disturbed by violence than profanity or sexuality.

 

Here's why:

 

Words are just words. We've taught our kids that there are certain words that are not considered polite. But, in the end, it's just a word.

 

And my brilliant husband came up with this explanation for our kids. We hope that one day, when it is appropriate and they are ready, our children will each have healthy, fulfilling sexual relationships. However, we hope with all of our hearts that they will never have to kill or maim another human being.

 

Therefore, a certain amount of healthy sexuality expressed in appropriate, ethical ways doesn't bother us a hoot, never has. But we've always been pretty careful with how much and what kind of violence they view.

[SailorMom]

This all depended on the age of my kids - we were very strict about which movies and video games they watched. However, it was more the theme and meaning of the movie than anything else. I llet them watch Saving Private Ryan a while ago, but won't let them near movies like The Hangover or Superbad. I do have an issue with s3x in movies, but not with the romantic lead ups, etc., and there are tasteful ways of implying that it happened. My biggest problem is with the situations and feelings (and lack there of) behind the s3x in most movies that my kids would even be interested in watching. I couldn't believe how popular Juno was with a bunch of the really young teens around here..... that I have a problem with.

[LauraGB]

Obviously what we let our children be exposed to will differ a lot based on the child's age and maturity. However, what standards does your family have as far as sex, violence, and profanity go in media?

Books, movies/television, and video games would be the biggest areas.

 

... Violence in movies is pretend, profanity is part of a character, but when actress is naked onscreen, that is actually somebodies daughter being exposed up there.

 

Thoughts?

 

Profanity doesn't bother much if it's used as expression - when it's mindless and a constant part of the user's vocabulary and the user's sentence structure, then it annoys me and it's buffered here.

 

Unfortunately, sex is often combined with violence in video games and movies. Those two things create powerful, horrible, lasting images for even me, so it's a big fat no-no here. I'm not terribly bothered by the SI issues a pp mentioned (although, I don't really condone it, either), but I am bothered by the PB that sits in the gas station magazine rack, visible right when you walk in the store (yeah, it's behind the other mags like Family Circle and People, but the title clearly visible). Sex is everywhere we look (from billboards to magazines, movies to the internet) and I feel that constant exposure is contributing to a lessening of children's personal value and how they see other people (women especially). I also feel it ties into the violence because I feel the whole thing is a violent affront on society - if one is fine, then that will lead to the other being just fine, and then it goes one step further, and then another, and before we know it, our kids are desensitized to all of it. But that's just me (obviously :glare:).

Edited April 3, 2011 by LauraGB

[Anita in NC]

My kids don't need tv to hear profanity. There have been plenty of homeschooled kids that have been willing to share their list of cuss words. :eek:

 

As far as cuss words go on tv, I'm not really bothered because, frankly, they have heard them all before but they know better than to repeat them.

 

I am not concerned with the kids even seeing naked people on tv shows because I do not see anything wrong with the naked body.

 

I would have a problem with graphic sex scenes or graphic violence.

 

Obviously, there are things I would let my teen watch that I wouldn't let my 7 year old watch.

 

As a parent I have to use my own judgment as to what I think is appropriate or whether the child is mature enough to view a certain show.

[Jenny in Atl]

None... Like others have said, I've never gone out of my way to "expose" my kids, at an early age, but all three are a part of life. I tend to have more issues with the quality vs. the content. If a story (book/movie/music) is good, and the sex/violence/profanity has place and is not just shlock, I have no issues.

 

I'm seeing the fruits of my labor, as my oldest, now in public school, knows far more about "life" than many of her classmates. For this, she's navigating the traps other kids fall into so easily. I was raised this way, and I'm thankful to my parents for not sheltering me, so I saw no reason not to raise mine the same.

[lmrich]

I am most bothered when violence is combined with sex. Lots of nudity and explicit sex scenes would need to be shielded as well. Although I don't think my kids would like those types of movies anyways. I am always shocked when that is thrown in. I also don't like when sex is shown as being casual - back of the car and not having any meaning at all. That bothers much more than crazy Rambo style violence. I also hate teen drinking and driving glorified in movies.

 

I figure my kids are more likely to be in a situation where casual sex, drinking etc. are prevalent (fraternity parties) then having the skills to kill lots of people in a jungle. I want them to know there are serious consequences for their actions, and the movies don't ever show the emotional impact of casual sex or partying too hard.

[Heather in Neverland]

This is a hard one to explain for me because we are sort of all over the place.

 

1. I can live with profanity (words are just words) EXCEPT when they use G-d Da--. I hate that. That's when words are NOT just words.

 

2. I can live with "fantasy" violence. My kids have seen LOTR. But not blood and gore violence like the Saw movies. Those are pointless and disgusting.

 

3. I am most strict about sex. I do not believe in "awakening" those desires before their time. The last thing my 13yo hormones-raging ds needs to watch is a movie with sex scenes. He is trying to keep his thoughts pure and it is my job to help him.

 

4. I also have issues with and will not allow tv shows that portray the father as a bumbling but lovable idiot with a long-suffering wife who just smirks at what a moron he is. I am trying to raise boys into godly men who will lead their family.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

We limit both, but violence REALLY bothers me.

 

:iagree:

[AnthemLights]

 

3. I am most strict about sex. I do not believe in "awakening" those desires before their time. The last thing my 13yo hormones-raging ds needs to watch is a movie with sex scenes. He is trying to keep his thoughts pure and it is my job to help him.

 

4. I also have issues with and will not allow tv shows that portray the father as a bumbling but lovable idiot with a long-suffering wife who just smirks at what a moron he is. I am trying to raise boys into godly men who will lead their family.

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree: Especially about point number 4.

[Hockey Mom]

This is a hard one to explain for me because we are sort of all over the place.

 

1. I can live with profanity (words are just words) EXCEPT when they use G-d Da--. I hate that. That's when words are NOT just words.

 

2. I can live with "fantasy" violence. My kids have seen LOTR. But not blood and gore violence like the Saw movies. Those are pointless and disgusting.

 

3. I am most strict about sex. I do not believe in "awakening" those desires before their time. The last thing my 13yo hormones-raging ds needs to watch is a movie with sex scenes. He is trying to keep his thoughts pure and it is my job to help him.

 

4. I also have issues with and will not allow tv shows that portray the father as a bumbling but lovable idiot with a long-suffering wife who just smirks at what a moron he is. I am trying to raise boys into godly men who will lead their family.

 

:iagree:

 

Especially to the bolded.

 

I'll also add:

 

5. TVs/Movies that portray the parents/teachers as idiots and the children/teens as the smarter and wiser character.

[Nestof3]

This is a hard one to explain for me because we are sort of all over the place.

 

1. I can live with profanity (words are just words) EXCEPT when they use G-d Da--. I hate that. That's when words are NOT just words.

 

2. I can live with "fantasy" violence. My kids have seen LOTR. But not blood and gore violence like the Saw movies. Those are pointless and disgusting.

 

3. I am most strict about sex. I do not believe in "awakening" those desires before their time. The last thing my 13yo hormones-raging ds needs to watch is a movie with sex scenes. He is trying to keep his thoughts pure and it is my job to help him.

 

4. I also have issues with and will not allow tv shows that portray the father as a bumbling but lovable idiot with a long-suffering wife who just smirks at what a moron he is. I am trying to raise boys into godly men who will lead their family.

:iagree:

 

And, for what it's worth, I am not afraid at all for my kids to know what sex is. Aaron can tell you that I am very open and frank about the subject (I wasn't when he was 9 -- it's on an as-needed basis according to age).

 

Knowing what sex is is a completely different matter than watching a couple essentially have intercourse in front of you -- ending moans and all. My guys will tell you that does nothing but fuel the flames.

 

I also think sex scenes in movies give very poor sex education, but I think it's where young people learn what they learn before actually experimenting. (1) there's never a mess to clean up and never a condom. (2) both people either climax at the same time OR it only shows the man climax. (3) often women perform certain moves or attire some women would not be comfortable with (4) people have sex with anyone at anytime regardless of even knowing them.

 

My child will most likely never be tempted to murder someone. My child will probably want to say bad words and will say bad words, but really, I try to teach that it goes deeper than bad words -- it's about bad heart attitudes and not taking time to communicate what we really feel.

 

But, I guarantee you my child will be tempted to have sex before marriage and possibly even after marriage with someone else (though I hope not). But, I think sex scenes in movies give certain expectations about how it's done, what each person likes, etc.

 

I also just don't think it's proper for men and women to go around seeing the intimate parts of other people. My breasts are for my husband (and my babies) only. I also think films do more to foster unhealthy self images in this department -- I mean, how often do you see an overweight woman seducing a man into bed? How often does the camera flash to fat rolls that the women is hoping the man doesn't notice when he's rubbing his hands down her sides?

[Nestof3]

Likewise, movies like Hee Haw and Oklahoma that show women as airheads with nothing better to bring to the table than a great body and a giggle.

 

Or, movies where men clearly prefer ogling another woman than honoring and loving his wife.

 

Or, movies in which every guy practically kills himself to try to help the beautiful lady while the less attractive one is ignored or even made fun of.

 

Or, movies where intelligent people are considered nerds.

 

My list could go on.

[MorganClassicalPrep]

I don't have a "policy".... I make decisions based on the specific context, and my child's age.

 

Of course, at this point (5), I am fairly strict. I don't think I'd ever be happy for DD to watch/read anything with gratuitous violence or sex, but at a certain point I'm sure we will be watching things for educational value where those topics play a role.

 

Regarding sex in movies and books, I won't be trying to keep DD from it completely. It is a part of life, and I think knowledge promotes a healthy sexuality as an adult. I don't want my child(ren) to see sex as the "forbidden fruit," ripe for rebellion.

[kalanamak]

 

Or, movies where men clearly prefer ogling another woman than honoring and loving his wife.

 

 

 

 

Or movies where the wrinkly old guy gets a hot chick in spray on pants EVERY time.

[Guest momk2000]

Violence is most disturbing to me. At this point, my kids are exposed to very little, if any of the above mentioned.

[J-rap]

***

Edited March 3, 2023 by J-rap

[bettyandbob]

sex in media is what we've avoided most.

 

Like another poster said, the morality issues in violence and language can be easy to explain.

 

I don't have any problem with dd13 watching most crime shows, but shows and movies that attract teen girls are problematic. She watches some with me. We watched Mean Girls (Lindsay Lohan version) recently. We had some good discussion about the inappropriate sex and the nasty behavior in the movie. It was sort of timely because she's noticed friends talking about each other when one is not present. I'm glad we watched it together too because a few weeks after we watched it, the movie was shown on the bus her team took to a tournament--coaches picked the movies. Only the coaches, who are also parents and the two team moms road the bus.

 

I've found other parents assume that at 13 any movie is OK. So, I realize there are going to be more and more times my dd watches stuff I wouldn't normally allow, like the bus incident. So, I think I will be getting more stuff I've found questionable through netflix. That way she can have my opinion on the content before processing it with peers. We have regular mother/daughter movie nights, so we'll just have more discussion.

[Sputterduck]

This is a hard one to explain for me because we are sort of all over the place.

 

1. I can live with profanity (words are just words) EXCEPT when they use G-d Da--. I hate that. That's when words are NOT just words.

 

2. I can live with "fantasy" violence. My kids have seen LOTR. But not blood and gore violence like the Saw movies. Those are pointless and disgusting.

 

3. I am most strict about sex. I do not believe in "awakening" those desires before their time. The last thing my 13yo hormones-raging ds needs to watch is a movie with sex scenes. He is trying to keep his thoughts pure and it is my job to help him.

 

4. I also have issues with and will not allow tv shows that portray the father as a bumbling but lovable idiot with a long-suffering wife who just smirks at what a moron he is. I am trying to raise boys into godly men who will lead their family.

 

I couldn't agree more.:iagree:

[happypamama]

Sex bothers me more than the other two. I think that is because, in movies, and in society in general, the morality surrounding sex is more muddled for kids, and more mixed messages are sent. I'm very conservative in my personal attitudes about sex, and especially with my pre-teen, I realize that my children are forming their life-long attitudes about sex, love, marriage, etc. I want to make sure that the (limited amount of) movies they see (and the books they read) are promoting the values I have about those topics.

 

Large amounts of profanity (or nasty name-calling, or use of God's name in vain) would bother me, but the occasional bit of it doesn't, in an overall good movie. I think it's easy to discuss why So-and-So shouldn't have used that word, whether it's IRL or on screen.

 

Violence -- my children are still young, but I'm not so bothered by that either. My kids, however, while sensitive, are not particularly overly sensitive, either. Also, in the movies they've seen so far, the violence has a distinct point -- fighting evil. The good is very good, and the bad is very bad, and there's not a middle ground. The violence isn't just gratuitous, if that makes sense. I have no problem with them understanding that sometimes good people have to fight to stop evil, and that sometimes it's unpleasant. I suppose it would also depend on the movie; the ones they've seen have been fairly tasteful in their portrayal of violence, as well, not a ton of slashing/gore/blood/etc. No horror movies around here!

 

For instance, my kids have seen the LOTR films (all twelve hours of the extended versions), and they LOVE them. We were careful to watch with them and to explain the fighting and everything, but they weren't really phased by it. There's a very obvious reason for the violence, and the heroes (and heroine -- can't leave out Eowyn!) are truly being heroic. The language is very clean as well. I was cautious about what's portrayed about sex/love/marriage, and I found that it was acceptable to me -- no sex scenes, limited kissing, obvious themes of faithfulness and sacrifice and waiting. Yep, there are worse role models for marriage to have in your mind as you grow up than Arwen and Aragorn. (There is one scene on the extended DVD of TT where I think Liv Tyler's dress is too revealing, but it's not a central part of the scene and not a huge thing.)

 

On the other hand, DD checked out a bunch of Carolyn Myer's Young Royals books, about Henry VIII's wives and daughters. I skimmed through them and nixed them for her. Way too much about sex, and not just sex, about flirting and making matches and that sort of thing. It wasn't the sort of thing I wanted in her mind.

Edited April 3, 2011 by happypamama

[Mejane]

Violence, hands down. I believe its sensationalism is soul-killing.

[MariannNOVA]

Violence, hands down. I believe its sensationalism is soul-killing.

 

If I can only choose from those three: sex, profanity and violence, violence would be at the top of my list.

[Night Elf]

Of the 3, violence bothers me the most. I even cry when we read about certain things in our American History class. Recently it was JFK's assassination. I couldn't finish reading the lesson aloud. I had to let ds14 do it.

[AndyJoy]

My kiddo doesn't watch anything yet, except for Leapfrog Letter Factory and the occasional anime show with Daddy, so these standards are for me.

 

1. Profanity (as long as it isn't every other word) doesn't necessarily deter me from seeing a movie. Neither my husband or I cuss at all, and I think we're pretty well past the age where we're going to pick it up :D. I know I heard profanity in movies when I was a kid, but never absorbed it because neither of my parents cussed at all. Hearing others cuss pretty much just bounced off because it wasn't part of our family culture. I remember once, when I was 18, my dad was in a lot of pain from an abscessed tooth and he called something "crap" and my sister was shocked!

 

2. I avoid violence that is gratuitous, overly graphic, or there just for violence's sake (horror movies). For me, violence is about context. I watch historical dramas set during the Holocaust/WWII, so there is obviously going to be violence. I usually limit myself to those rated PG-13 because I know the R rated ones are going to be too graphic. I did watch Defiance and Valkyrie.

 

3. Sex and sexual humor is the big sticking point for me. I hate seeing something so special and private degraded publicly. I have very little tolerance for this in movies. I don't want it to color my own thinking in the bedroom. I have trouble erasing these images/jokes from my mind so I avoid them.

 

When I was a kid, I didn't see my first PG movie until I was 8 (Flight of the Navigator), my first PG-13 movie until 13 (The Mask, blech!), and my first R movie until I was 18 (Schindler's List and The Matrix). Age 13 did not give me unlimited license to see PG-13 movies either--I had to ask on a case by case basis. I am SO thankful that my parents bucked the norm and imposed these limits. I intend to do the same.

 

I was shocked to find how many of my 6th-8th grade students at the Christian school where I taught had seen LOTS of violent and sex-filled R rated movies already. The were constantly coming to school asking, "Mrs. X, did you see __________? Wasn't it awesome when________?" These were movies that I could tell from the previews that I would never watch, but they were commonplace for these kids. They were shocked to find out that I was an adult before I saw an R rated movie.

[Cera]

I haven't read the other responses but violence bothers me the most. Profanity isn't that big a deal to me. I don't use it and I remind my children not to use it (because I feel it makes people sound unintelligent) but if someone else chooses to use it we just ignore it.

 

Sex is a natural part of life. Eventually they will be having it and I don't want them to think it is wrong. We obviously screen for appropriate content (they are 6 and 4) but if they see something a bit old for them we just discuss it and move on.

 

Violence is not acceptable now and never will be. I don't want them to ever be physically violent so we do our best to keep them from being exposed to anything that even hits at violence as acceptable.

[yellowperch]

Sex mixed up with violence is the worst. I hate to see it on the screen, or read about it. As a parent, I hope to teach my children to be discerning when confronting any of these things, and to be able to see their effects when they come across them. But not yet....

[KidsHappen]

Violence bothers me the most. I do not want to see it normalized, accepted or as anything less than shocking and aberrant. Plus there are some things that you can not unsee or forget about. This goes for books as well. Sometimes they cause you to visualize things that have the same effect. I have read some thing that I really wish I had not.

 

Sex bothers me less to a certain extent. I have no problem with nudity, allusions to sex, some sexual content but I do have problem with graphic or intense sexual content. Not because I have a problem with sex but because I believe that sex is an intimate act and therefore should be between the people involved. I don't wish to be one of the people involved nor do I wish for my children under say the age of 16 to be either. I do not allow p*rn in my house at all because I am admantly opposed to it and do not wish to allow it in my home. I do not wish to censor other adults though nor do I judge them. If they wish to watch such things more power to them.

 

I don' really have a problem with profanity at all.

 

I do realize that in art it is sometimes pertinent to the story to include some uncomfortable situations and that stories could lose their impact if some elements are removed. As far as my children are concerned, I judge those on a case by case basis.

[I.Dup.]

I have the biggest problem with sex. I do not worry about my children becoming violent criminals, that is something we can head off from a loooooooooooong ways away. Profanity doesn't bother me so much, although of course I wouldn't want someone constantly cursing around them (and wouldn't want them to curse all the time!) but I am most careful about sex.

 

I have 4 (possibly 5) sons and I have seen the devastation that p*rn causes in families and relationships. I know that p*rn often leads to worse and worse things, including crimes against women and children (because women are completely degraded and even victimized in p*rn) and I know how easily accessible and common it is among men of our time.

 

I do not want to awaken those desires in my sons, I do not want them to see women in that way and to be tempted by all of the perverse and nasty things that p*rn holds. That is my greatest concern about exposing them to sexual pictures and scenes.

 

Then, if they actually do start having sex, the threat of the tons of diseases that are so common today is out there and those could devastate them for the rest of their lives. The pattern of sleeping around that is harder to break out of. Yes, these are all such common and devastating things that I hope to keep my children from experiencing.

[Jenny in Florida]

I tend to have more issues with the quality vs. the content. If a story (book/movie/music) is good, and the sex/violence/profanity has place and is not just shlock, I have no issues.

 

This, too. We used to tell people that, for our daughter, we censored for quality much more than for content. So, some of her favorite movies when she was teeny were things other parents wouldn't let their kids watch. (To be fair, they were probably things other kids her age wouldn't have been interested in watching.) For example, I have photos of her wearing not much more than a tutu belting out Le Jazz Hot when she was three and Victor-Victoria was one of her faves.

 

And, I think I've told this story before, but the year that our kids were six and three, we all dressed as fairies for Halloween because the film of Midsummer Night's Dream (with Kevin Kline as Bottom) was their favorite. At the time, it didn't seem weird to me, but then I see threads here in which other folks debate letting their teens watch that movie because of the brief semi-nudity at the end.

 

It doesn't seem to have done either of them any harm yet.

 

On the other hand, we notice an immediate and distressing difference in my son's behavior whenever we let him watch too much violent content. It's simply amazing. So, we have to be much more careful about that.

[TheReader]

I am posting before I read the whole thread, so if I repeat, I apologize in advance. I just want to share my thoughts as a response to your questions without letting them (my thoughts) be colored by later responses.

 

We have 3 boys -- 13, 10 and 6. In the early days, when they were young, we didn't pay as much attention to sexual content (other than flat-out nudity) because it didn't even register with them. Now, these were not movies we'd sit down and watch as a family, but if they walked in while DH & I were watching.

 

We haven't been particularly careful of violence, *depending on type of violence*. Cartoon violence? No problem. Non-gory war movies? Not a problem. The type of action shown in things like Spider Man, Iron Man, and even LOTR (Lord of the Rings)? No problem. We've allowed our boys to watch all of those, at all their current ages and whatever age they were when these movies came out. I've never thought about the why behind that, but Good Guy vs. Bad Guy is a good thing for little boys to see.

 

Curse words? We don't like anything with heavy cursing, but a word slipped in here and there, not a huge deal. We've never bleeped things out, but we do discuss with the boys why those words are inappropriate. And we have turned off a movie that we thought would be okay if it turned out to have more cursing than we thought.

 

Now, though. Now we are more careful of sexual content. Our oldest is 13, the next is 10. Those mild kissing scenes (and anything more) do not simply flash by them on the screen, unnoticed. Not now. We either ask them to leave the room, or we fast-forward (with them covering their eyes if needed). Because the last thing a pubescent boy needs filling his mind are images like that.

 

If a movie or TV show indulges in frequent, gratuitous, between casual acquaintances type sexual content we don't allow it at all. We don't allow Friends, for instance, or even House lately as the discussion turns to sex so often, between casual friends. We're far more tolerant of a brief scene between married or long-term couples engaged in anything intimate, because we don't want the boys getting the idea that sex or physical intimacy is something casual. Anything that treats it as such, we won't let them watch OR we allow them to watch (in the case of discussion vs. images) and we talk about it during/after.

 

We've also grown more cautious of specific things with specific children. One child has tendencies towards hypochondria, so medical stuff is a no-no for him as that triggers his medical anxiety. One child has a tendency toward catastrophe anxiety, so tidal waves, meteors hitting earth, etc. -- no go for him. One child has a tendency to mimic physical aggression, so we more closely monitor any form of violence that he sees (we even had to ban Tom & Jerry when he was very young....).

 

In general, though, we're mostly a fan of talking through the issues rather than completely shielding our kids from them, with the exception being we don't like putting sexual images OR very gory images in their heads.

 

ETA: One form of violence we are very careful not to show them --- any violence of a man towards a woman. Not just sexual violence, but pretty much any violent act. The times they've seen it in brief exposure in movies we have deemed worth watching anyway, we've discussed the inappropriateness of such, but luckily they were all three horrified all on their own.

Edited April 3, 2011 by TheReader

[Heather in Neverland]

I have the biggest problem with sex. I do not worry about my children becoming violent criminals, that is something we can head off from a loooooooooooong ways away. Profanity doesn't bother me so much, although of course I wouldn't want someone constantly cursing around them (and wouldn't want them to curse all the time!) but I am most careful about sex.

 

I have 4 (possibly 5) sons and I have seen the devastation that p*rn causes in families and relationships. I know that p*rn often leads to worse and worse things, including crimes against women and children (because women are completely degraded and even victimized in p*rn) and I know how easily accessible and common it is among men of our time.

 

I do not want to awaken those desires in my sons, I do not want them to see women in that way and to be tempted by all of the perverse and nasty things that p*rn holds. That is my greatest concern about exposing them to sexual pictures and scenes.

 

Then, if they actually do start having sex, the threat of the tons of diseases that are so common today is out there and those could devastate them for the rest of their lives. The pattern of sleeping around that is harder to break out of. Yes, these are all such common and devastating things that I hope to keep my children from experiencing.

 

:iagree::iagree:

[Jenny in Atl]

This, too. We used to tell people that, for our daughter, we censored for quality much more than for content. So, some of her favorite movies when she was teeny were things other parents wouldn't let their kids watch. (To be fair, they were probably things other kids her age wouldn't have been interested in watching.) For example, I have photos of her wearing not much more than a tutu belting out Le Jazz Hot when she was three and Victor-Victoria was one of her faves.

 

And, I think I've told this story before, but the year that our kids were six and three, we all dressed as fairies for Halloween because the film of Midsummer Night's Dream (with Kevin Kline as Bottom) was their favorite. At the time, it didn't seem weird to me, but then I see threads here in which other folks debate letting their teens watch that movie because of the brief semi-nudity at the end.

 

It doesn't seem to have done either of them any harm yet.

 

On the other hand, we notice an immediate and distressing difference in my son's behavior whenever we let him watch too much violent content. It's simply amazing. So, we have to be much more careful about that.

 

I think we were separated at birth... The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert was/is one of my kid's favs. I too could see mine (when little) dressing as their favorite Shakespearean character.

[Jenny in Florida]

I think we were separated at birth... The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert was/is one of my kid's favs. I too could see mine (when little) dressing as their favorite Shakespearean character.

 

Have I mentioned that my daughter and husband already have their tickets to see the new Broadway version of Priscilla in June?

[Rosie_0801]

4. I also have issues with and will not allow tv shows that portray the father as a bumbling but lovable idiot with a long-suffering wife who just smirks at what a moron he is. I am trying to raise boys into godly men who will lead their family.

 

And girls into women who wait for evidence of incompetence instead of just assuming a chap is because he is male...

 

 

I have littlies so profanity needs to be avoided. They aren't big enough for the "that's not what nice boys and girls say" lecture!

 

We're ok with small scale fantasy violence. Dh learns rapier so the kids have always been exposed to sword fighting tournaments. I don't let them see war though. There's a huge difference between a duel where there's no blood, because that's a game like Daddy plays, and gore or war.

 

No sex scenes either. That's the last thing I want to see reenacted with Barbie dolls... When they are older, it depends what they are watching. Sex in foreign movies is more real and usually in better context, so dh and I found in our pre-children days when we went to the art house cinema. I suppose what we are comfortable with them seeing when they are older is something we're going to find out later.

 

I'm pretty careful about the pacing of movies too. Mostly they watch old Disney movies and musicals because they are slower paced. A lot of the modern stuff is so jumpy. We'll talk about the ethics of marrying because you like someone's singing voice when they are a bit older :D

 

Rosie

Edited April 4, 2011 by Rosie_0801

[justamouse]

I'm much more disturbed by violence than profanity or sexuality.

 

Here's why:

 

Words are just words. We've taught our kids that there are certain words that are not considered polite. But, in the end, it's just a word.

 

And my brilliant husband came up with this explanation for our kids. We hope that one day, when it is appropriate and they are ready, our children will each have healthy, fulfilling sexual relationships. However, we hope with all of our hearts that they will never have to kill or maim another human being.

 

Therefore, a certain amount of healthy sexuality expressed in appropriate, ethical ways doesn't bother us a hoot, never has. But we've always been pretty careful with how much and what kind of violence they view.

 

You said it so very perfectly. I feel exactly the same way.

[OrganicAnn]

All of them, but profanity I think is easier to negate than sex or violence.