Would you bring an almost 18year old on vacation if they really did not want to go?

[lynn]

Help me think this through. Would you just save the money and leave them home? How many days would you feel comfortable leaving them if they had trusted friends and adults near by?

[ma23peas]

yes, I would make them go...if they're a part of the family living in the household and rely on your money for food/shelter...yes, they go...now I would consider inviting a buddy of theirs to come along...but stay at home, no..that's opening up a can of worry...our 15 year old was not 'excited' about our trip to the Mediterranean!!! PLEASE!!! The first 3 days he moped, then things picked up and he was laughing and enjoying himself in the end...I think it's so important our family experience life without schedules/work/commitments....and it gives us an opportunity to put some love and attention back on to them!!

 

Tara

[gingersmom]

Absolutely.

 

My parents left my 16 year old brother and myself (13) home alone for days.

 

I won't even begin to tell you what went on.

 

Unless you can have him/her stay at some one else's house or have someone stay with him/her.

 

What is the reason for not wanting to go? Its a vacation!

[Hedgehog]

I agree with Tara.. if you're providing them with food/shelter/etc. then they have an obligation to be part of the family and follow the ways of the household. If that includes holidaying together then that's how the cookie crumbles.

[DarlaS]

Yes, I would feel comfortable leaving an 18 yo home.

 

My parents left me when I was younger than that from time to time. They didn't exactly "vacation" as they had a house they were fixing up, but I was more or less alone. My older siblings (the next closest in age was 6 years older) would come and go.

 

I was talking to my dh just the other day about the day about the time when our oldest will not want to come with us. I'm so not looking forward to that. :sad:

 

ETA: I would be very tempted to make him come though. I took a rather grumpy 15 year old to the Grand Canyon last year. He was awestruck, and I'm glad I got to see childlike wonder on his face for what may very be the last time in a while (cuz he's just so cool now :tongue_smilie:).

Edited September 26, 2010 by darlasowders

[Sophia]

Ha, our 16 y.o. tried to get us to leave him behind when we went to the beach this summer.

We did not allow it and won't, until he's an adult and out of the house.

We did do our best to make sure he had fun~rented jetski's, played games, rented movies to watch after the littles were in bed, and enjoyed some late night talks.

 

It won't be long before he can choose to opt out; I'm hoping if we make it fun for him he'll be asking to join us ;)

[Joker]

I would not force an almost 18 yr old to go on vacation. The ages of your other dc though would be coming with us or staying with family.

[Chris in VA]

Is this child getting ready to fly the nest? Working? Waiting for college/done with high school?

Until after high school, I'd take said child with me.

After that, I wouldn't force it.

 

Last year, we left my then 20 yr old ds home (other ds was still in treatment and was able to get out on a pass, so he HAD to come with us on summer vaca). It felt weird! It was the beginning of the end of our time as a family, doing family things. That sounds a bit dramatic, but what I mean is, the expectation is no longer there for my sons to join us (mostly because of work), and we have really noticed how that changes the family.

 

Enjoy it while you can. A last "hurrah" really is worth it--build memories one last time in this way.

[Lolly]

You know, it really just depends. Why are they not wanting to go? Do they have a good reason? Can they be trusted? (It is different to me to leave them in MY home and leave them in their own apartment/dorm.)

 

That said, we have left our 17 yo dd for a couple of years now when we go on many trips. Her allergies make it miserable for her to do many of the things we love. She is sick for at least a week if she does go. She stays and takes care of the pets.:D She is happy for the time apart.

[Daisy]

My parents were treating my like an adult at that point. Well, actually I was gone away to college by that point. I don't think I'd make them go with me unless they were completely untrustworthy (in which case....ohh, that will be a lovely vacation).

 

My parents were leaving me at home at 16yo. I was graduated and working full-time and not always able to get the time off. The longest they left me at home alone was right at about 8 days.

 

If they aren't working or going to school, then I'd be less inclined to leave them behind.

[Night Elf]

No way. A vacation is for relaxation and enjoyment, MINE as well as the kids. If I knew I was going to have a grumpy gus, I'd rather not pay for what I can have at home. :)

 

We've never vacationed longer than 5 days and I wouldn't have a problem with my dd18 being home alone that long. She wouldn't like it though. She doesn't like to be alone in the house. She finds it creepy. She would probably go to a friend's house while we were gone.

[dansamy]

If there were trustworthy friends with whom the dc could stay, I'd be ok leaving an older teen.

[Peela]

It would depend on the personality of the teen and the whole situaiton...but I think, yes, I woudl generally leave an almost 18yo teen at home. We are certinaly getting closer to being more comfortable with that as our kids grow older.

Dh and I went to Bali back in February and left the kids at home- aged 14 and 15 then- with a young couple (in their twenties). They had a ball, we had a ball.

[Ester Maria]

I don't have kids that age yet, and a lot of it depends on the particular child and the particular vacation, but generally, yes. Possibly even a very mature 15-16 y.o., but kids younger than that would either have to stay with family / close friends, either go with us.

 

I was regularly left alone in my older teens for a few days, or even weeks (when I was 17, two and a half weeks my parents were away), and I never got myself into any kind of trouble. However, I did live very close to some of our family members, and had a maid coming in a few times a week, so unofficially, somebody was keeping an eye on me and checking whether I was okay.

 

My kids are only 13, 12 and an infant now, but I believe the older two are quite mature for their age and by their late teens I probably won't have to think twice about whether I trust them to make it on their own for about a week. (*knocks on the wood* :))

[regentrude]

I would not force an older teenager to vacation with the family.

When I was 16 and up, I usually did not vacation with my parents anymore, but went on my own trips with friends. Bike tours or hiking, camping en route. If we could do THAT, I see no reason not to trust them to stay at home. Also, an almost 18 y/o is usually just months away from moving out to go to college- so staying home alone for a few weeks would be a good preparation for the greater responsibility of actually living away from home.

[NanceXToo]

Wow, I can't even answer that, it just wouldn't be that black and white for me. It would strongly depend on the kid and their personality and past behaviors and the degree of trust I have in them, and how I "feel" about it- if it makes me feel nervous in the pit of my stomach before leaving them home alone for any length of time then there's no way I could do it. And the things *I* would have done at that age if I had a house to myself for even just one overnight? Whew! You don't even want to know!

[elegantlion]

I would not have an issue leaving a 17 year old at home for a period of time. Four to five days would probably be the maximum.

 

Maturity would play a big role in our decision, plus knowing who their friends were (character, etc), which adults or family would be checking on him, and with strict orders that he answer his cell phone when we called.

[Pretty in Pink]

There are really so many variables that would influence my decision but generally speaking, yes, I would leave a nearly 18 year old child at home alone while we went on vacation.

[LibraryLover]

I've never had a situation where my children didn't all want to go on vacation. It would be cheaper to leave the 21 yr old at home. He loves to try new foods in new cities. lol ;) I am not sure I'd leave my current 18 yr old behind as she is not even done with high school. Time goes by quickly, so I would like to manage family vacations as long as possible. We plan what we're going to do together, so everyone has something to individually anticipate. If my child didn't want to go, I'd want to know why, and if there was something he/she would espeically like to do or see on vacation. I want us to have as much time as possible to enjoy each other's company. I am not sure our oldest will ever be able to join us on vacation again anytime soon...his sibs are already lamenting that. I hope to entice them all back someday.
Trust-wise? I trust all of my kids, and we've left then a day or two and there's never been a reason not to trust.

Edited September 15, 2014 by LibraryLover

[mom2denj]

If they aren't working or going to school, then I'd be less inclined to leave them behind.

 

 

:iagree:

[praisefor3]

Ditto to Mom23peas. Never. And it's not because of "trust issues". We are a family, we act as a family, we vacation together, family first. We've had some reluctance occasionally but the bonding and resulting memories have always far outweighed any initial negativity. However, I also would not allow bad attitude on the trip. With our family first motto you WILL help add to the good time with a good attitude or you WILL pay the price when you want your own time with friends, privileges etc. By requiring that I find that it is very easy for dc to go ahead and enjoy themselves and be very glad they got the privilege of going. If nothing else, they are going for my own enjoyment because I would much rather have them with me than at home so that is part of giving to Mom so she has a good vacation! When put that way, my kids are always willing to give me that and realize that they can focus on themselves another time! (We have this situation more on small events that we have declared family events than big vacations but the same rule applies.)

[Mama Geek]

Do you consider your 18 yo an adult? Would they do damage to your house or would they be responsible and act like an adult.

 

When I was either 17 or 18 and still in high school, my mom left myself and my 11 or 12 yo brother for about a month while she went to take care of her mom 12 hours away. She left me a checkbook, a list of when bills needed to be paid and money to go grocery shopping with. We had friends in the area that were a phone call away and nothing terrible happened while she was gone. I wasn't one to throw a big party while my mom was not in the house though. Usually a big party for me meant 2 or 3 close girlfriends.

[HRAAB]

When our oldest was a month away from being 17, she had just started a new job and was unable to go on vacation with us. We left her home alone for one week. Family members and a couple neighbors were aware she would be alone in the house. She behaved just as we expected her to - responsibly. Besides getting herself to work, she also irrigated our 1.5 acres, mowed the grass, watched the garden and kept the house up. Both her father and I were very responsible at that age, and we have always expected that our children would be, too. Thankfully, we haven't been let down yet. If I wasn't comfortable leaving an almost 18 yr. old at home, I would be very disappointed, especially since I was living on my own at 17.

 

eta: If she hadn't been working, she would have wanted to go. She did want to go badly, but she had a new job and responsibility with that. All our children always want to go with us, even now that two of them are living away from home.

[parias1126]

I have a DD17 and we just recently went to Florida. We were going to visit Family and she wanted me to leave her behind. I made her go because no way was I going to leave her alone and I thought she needed to be with Family. The whole trip ended up being miserable because she just did not want to be there. She didn't smile once in 3 days, just moped and was cranky.

 

What is his reasoning for not wanting to go though? My DDs reason was that she didn't want to leave her boyfriend behind. We went to Myrtle Beach after that and Pigeon Forge, TN. to which I let her invite him and just very closely watched them. I also make sure he rented his own hotel room. It was so worth it just fir the change in DDs attitude. She had a wonderful time on both of those trips.

 

It doesn't seem like that long ago, but I remember what it's like to be 17 and not want to go on a vacation and leave your boyfriend/girlfriend or best friends. I would allow him to bring a friend along, but I would not be willing to pay that friends way fror the trip. They would have to bring their own funds.

[PiCO]

Help me think this through. Would you just save the money and leave them home? How many days would you feel comfortable leaving them if they had trusted friends and adults near by?

 

Depends what we were doing/where we were going.

 

A lot of kids this age would rather hang out with friends, they don't think they're going to have fun with the family. In this case, I would make them go.

 

Some kids see the chance to throw a party while the family is gone. Make these kids go, too.

 

I would be willing to leave an almost-18-yo stay home if the trip was for another sibling and didn't require their presence (or expressly prohibited their presence.) I have left dd home alone while younger dd & I traveled out of state for a gymnastics meet. We are leaving older dd home while we go on a school trip to Spain this fall.

[Pippen]

Do you consider your 18 yo an adult? Would they do damage to your house or would they be responsible and act like an adult.

 

When I was either 17 or 18 and still in high school, my mom left myself and my 11 or 12 yo brother for about a month while she went to take care of her mom 12 hours away. She left me a checkbook, a list of when bills needed to be paid and money to go grocery shopping with. We had friends in the area that were a phone call away and nothing terrible happened while she was gone. I wasn't one to throw a big party while my mom was not in the house though. Usually a big party for me meant 2 or 3 close girlfriends.

 

When I was 12 my mom left me home alone for a week while she made an out of state trip to visit an ailing parent. I know this will horrify parents but my mom was a single parent and by then I'd already been watching my brothers through the night because she worked rotating shifts (one week 1st, then 2nd, then 3rd) and reliable, affordable baby sitters for that situation were impossible to come by. We lived in a town that was a really safe place to live and we had a lot of freedoms as kids.

 

The out-of-state trip certainly didn't have to happen but our economic situation dictated the babysitting situation. Was it perfect? No, but I was one of those kids who was mature way beyond my years and we got along fine. She came home a day early from that trip and I had the house pretty messy.

 

I wouldn't leave my 12yo, but I'd definitely leave a trustworthy 18 yo. IMO, they've reached the point where decisions need to start transferring over to them. Like a previous poster mentioned, I think staying home alone is good preparation.

[OregonNative]

No I would not make them go if they were responsible and I could trust them.

[Murphy101]

I guess the real question is how are you going to hogtie them and stuff them in the trunk of the car?;)

 

They are 18.

 

Truth is you can either kick them out or not.

 

Other than that, you really can't MAKE them do anything.:confused::D

 

I'd strongly encourage them to join us if at all possible, regardless of whether they live at home or not.

[Hannah]

If it was somewhere new that I thought my child would really enjoy once we got there, I'd probably try to talk her into it. But if she was adament about not wanting to go, I'd let her stay.

 

My parents would let me stay alone for a few days from age 16. They would be camping at the yacht club we went to regularly and I new exactly what I was missing and preferred to be home. My parents knew that I was trustworthy and responsible.

 

I was 18 (going on 19) when my mother died and I had to take care of my sisters (14 and 11 at the time) and myself while my father's job took him away from home for 2 months at a time. His schedule was 2 months on - 2 months off. His only contact with us was a once-a-week radio call. This was way before the days of internet and satellite phones. I knew I could go to the neighbours for emergencies, but otherwise the responsibility for running the home was mine.

I was at a university only about 40min drive from home, so was able to continue with my studies at the time.

 

I think the times my parents left me at home alone was part of the preparation for the responsibilities I had to take on as a young adult later.

[Jann in TX]

We are planning a family trip to Africa (Uganda) and she has no desire to go. She has offered to stay at home and watch our animals (we would have had to hire a house sitter).

 

Yes, she is part of our family--but NO, we will not force her to go with us--and outside of kicking her out of our family--we could not make her anyways--she will be 18 by then.

 

We have friends who will be available if she needs them.

 

We have left this dd alone at home for 2-3 day periods this past summer... she did great and she did not ruin the family time for the rest of us (she does have a bit of an attitude problem).

 

My dd plans to stay at home and continue at the CC for one more year before transferring to a state university--this will save her/us over $15,000. So while she will be staying in our home--she will be treated like an ADULT--for the most part. My 20yo dd is also living at home while attending college full time... she is independent (and respectful)--but comes and goes as she pleases.

[kewb]

Yes, I would be comfortable leaving my almost 18 year old home alone if dh and I were planning a romantic getaway. If I was planning a family vacation, said almost 18 year old would be coming whether they wanted to or not.

[Retired]

No gave reason in the poll thread.

[Mom0012]

I would not make my child go at that age. I would expect that they would have a bad attitude if I did and that would ruin the trip for me and possibly the rest of the family members.

 

Lisa

[Parrothead]

It is hard to say. A responsible 17-year old who is working a job and doing some kind of sport or other extra curricular I'd probably leave behind for a few days if I did not leave the country. The 17-year old that is more interested in the girl/boy friend with no job and too many ways to get in trouble would have to come along.