Do YOU have a free-range kid?

[Jenny in GA]

[i'm the "Discussion Facilitator" for my local homeschool group e-mail list. I thought what I posted yesterday would be a good topic here as well.]

 

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I just finished reading a book (on my new birthday Kindle, thank you very much) called "Free-Range Kids: Giving our Children the Freedom we Had Without Going Nuts With Worry."

 

You can see the author's blog and info about the book here:

http://freerangekids.wordpress.com/

 

If you haven't already heard of the Free Range Kids Movement, it was started when the author wrote an article about how she let her then-nine-year-old son ride the subway home by himself, at his request. (She gave him a map, subway tokens, and a few quarters. He made it home easily and safely, and was very happy and proud.)

 

Once the article hit the press, she was asked to be a guest on the Today Show, The View, MSNBC, etc, etc, and was dubbed "The worst parent in the world":

 

http://www.thefreelibrary.com/Confessions+of+the+world%27s+worst+parent.-a0210169538

 

 

I thought the book raised some very interesting fodder for thought and discussion for any parent. Here are few things the book said that struck me:

 

 

1) Imagine a person who has CNN on in the background for several hours a day. Then, in the evening, they "relax" by watching popular shows like Law and Order and CSI. Unusual? Probably not.

Does this kind of viewing affect one's psyche and outlook on the world? Does it cause anxiety levels to rise? Does it make people think the world is more dangerous than it actually is?

 

2) Teens and tweens today are so used to years of being told, "Don't do this; it's not safe" or "Don't do that; that's something for an adult to do!" that they are turning passive and useless in a way past generations typically were not. No wonder teenagers are surly and self-centered when they are given little independence and responsibility. A hundred years ago, 17 year old females were often married and running households of their own. Today, a female a year or two much younger might not even go to the grocery store alone, ever, to buy a jug of milk.

 

3) Along those same lines, there is not much opportunity today for teens to work. It used to be that, at age 12 or so, you could get a job delivering newspapers -- and kids used to babysit at ages 10 and 11. Now, most newspapers will not even hire a deliverer under the age of 18. And many people think a 10 year old needs to HAVE a babysitter, not be one.

 

3) In most non-English-speaking countries,children are given much independence than American and English children. Just as one example, in other countries, at age four people starting leaving their children at public park filled with other children of various ages, but no adults. In fact, people from other countries think Americans are kinda weird in this regard. One German was quoted as saying, incredulous, "The land of the free and the home of the brave? Ha!"

 

4) Is it any surprise that child obesity rates are rising, when kids are rarely allowed to play outside or GO anywhere themselves? (A few parents were quoted as saying that they would not let their children walk to the mailbox at the end of their driveway alone "because something bad could happen.")

 

5) Since today's kids are rarely alone anymore, we as parents tend to not teach them the skills they need, since we're always there for them. For example, if a kid never rides their bike or walks to school or the library alone, we are unlikely to teach them the rules of being a pedestrian, etc.

 

 

What does anyone think of this? Is she crazy? Is she right? Have you seen evidence of these trends? Do you have a free-range kid? SHOULD you have a free-range kid? And how do you personally give your kids responsibility and independence in a society where most people are afraid to let kids do much of anything?

 

Discuss. Have fun.

 

Jenny

[LuvToRead]

Around here, 12 year olds still deliver papers on their bikes. I let my 8 year old get the mail, and she has a fairly busy road. I don't watch the news and I never watch crime shows. I may watch the 6 o'clock local news, but that's it. But, I would never let my girls play in the park without me, or another adult I trust. It's not necessarily because I feel they would be abducted, although that's part of it. It's also because kids fall and get hurt.

 

For me, it's about predictability. The first time a 9 year old rides the subway home alone, it's not predictable. I think most child predators stalk their victims first, and learn the daily routine. So, a 9 year old who rides a subway home alone everyday, at the same time, and takes the same route, would more likely be a target.

[gingersmom]

No wonder teenagers are surly and self-centered when they are given little independence and responsibility.

 

This sounds like a huge generalization to me.

 

Along those same lines, there is not much opportunity today for teens to work. It used to be that, at age 12 or so, you could get a job delivering newspapers -- and kids used to babysit at ages 10 and 11. Now, most newspapers will not even hire a deliverer under the age of 18. And many people think a 10 year old needs to HAVE a babysitter, not be one.

 

I don't know anyone who babysit at 10 or 11. I know for certain my mother would not hire someone at 10 or 11 to babysit (I had an older brother and he was not left in charge). I would never hire someone at 10 or 11 to babysit or do anything else.

 

In most non-English-speaking countries,children are given much independence than American and English children. Just as one example, in other countries, at age four people starting leaving their children at public park filled with other children of various ages, but no adults. In fact, people from other countries think Americans are kinda weird in this regard. One German was quoted as saying, incredulous, "The land of the free and the home of the brave? Ha!

 

I don't really care what people in other countries think of us.

 

Is it any surprise that child obesity rates are rising, when kids are rarely allowed to play outside or GO anywhere themselves? (A few parents were quoted as saying that they would not let their children walk to the mailbox at the end of their driveway alone "because something bad could happen.")

 

I don't have obese children (far from it) and my kids get more exercise than 99% of the children we know.

 

Since today's kids are rarely alone anymore, we as parents tend to not teach them the skills they need, since we're always there for them. For example, if a kid never rides their bike or walks to school or the library alone, we are unlikely to teach them the rules of being a pedestrian, etc.

 

I don't think its teaching kids the rules of being a pedestrian. I think it means teaching drivers that a "right turn on red" does not mean plow down the pedestrian in the crosswalk.

Edited June 14, 2010 by gingersmom

[Ottakee]

I wonder how much of our fear is due to the amount of news we hear. Are child abductions (stranger, not non-custodial parents) up more than 20 years ago? The rates of rape, murder, etc. higher than 20 years ago?

 

See, years ago we had 2 boys in our school that someone tried to pick up while they waited for the bus. They ran, the kids at the school were told about it, maybe the police were called and that was it. Now if that happened, it would make every newspaper for miles around, be on many different local news casts, etc.

 

Is it that there is more crime or do we just hear about it more?

[Haiku]

I don't have free-range kids. I wish I could, but I think Americans have the wrong culture for it. Our sense of community is severely lacking. I have lived overseas and visited many other places, including some of the poorest of the poor. There are places where I would feel comfortable letting my kids be more free. America is not one of them.

 

Tara

[Farrar]

I'm a huge fan of this book and of her blog. I have always just refused to get paranoid about random kidnappings, which, as she points out, are exceedingly rare. Cars are more dangerous for kids, but that doesn't stop us from using them because we want to live our lives with convenience. I once threw a Parents magazine across the room screaming because it said that it was NEVER safe to leave a toddler alone in a room even for a moment. I think I yelled something like, "When am I supposed to pee!?!" Anyway, suffice it to say that I was thrilled to find her book and blog.

 

I actually just wrote a blog post about how I think the ability to be free range more easily is one of the benefits of homeschooling. I was inspired to do so because someone in my family tried to get very confrontational with me about how, because I homeschooled, I must be overprotective of my kids, when in reality I am trying really hard to let them have an (appropriate) amount of freedom.

 

That's at: http://farrarwilliams.wordpress.com/2010/06/14/free-range-homeschooling/

[Ottakee]

I don't know anyone who babysit at 10 or 11. I know for certain my mother would not hire someone at 10 or 11 to babysit (I had an older brother and he was not left in charge). I would never hire someone at 10 or 11 to babysit or do anything else.

 

.[/b]

 

Well, at 9 I started babysitting for short amounts of time next door--like under 20-30 minutes. By 11 I was taking care of a 6 week old baby 40 hours a week in the summer and then almost every night after school. Often at 11 I would have 4-6 kids to babysit (including infants and toddlers) and made them a meal (simple but still cooking), bathed them, picked up the house and put them to bed.

 

Now, I wouldn't hire an 11 year old to babysit that many kids but I did it for several families and that 6 week old that I cared for more than her own mother, is now a wonderful lady who is just completing her master's degree in social work.

[Cammie]

I don't have free-range kids. I wish I could, but I think Americans have the wrong culture for it. Our sense of community is severely lacking. I have lived overseas and visited many other places, including some of the poorest of the poor. There are places where I would feel comfortable letting my kids be more free. America is not one of them.

 

Tara

 

 

:iagree: It took me at least two years for me to relax into the culture here enough for me to let my kids play outside in front of the house without supervision. Something about the US had instilled in me a need to keep an eye on my children All. The. Time. Now my 5 year old has permission to be outside playing, to go to friends houses next door, to go down the street as far as X's house, etc. I live in a very safe gated community - and it still took me ages to get to this point! I see the Indian moms letting the kids roam much farther than I do, giving much more freedom, but I am still far from that point!

[MelanieM]

My 7 and 5 yr olds go outside to play and run around the neighbourhood with the other kids regularly. I do ask that they stay together and we have other rules (no going inside houses or out of calling distance without permission, for example), and I pop out to check on them regularly. I'm not worried about anything bad happening to them, but I do feel a need to monitor interactions with my boy because of his personality.

 

So yeah, I'm in support of free range parenting. I believe in working with appropriate limits for the individual child and what they can handle, not based on age or what some social standard tells me.

[cdrumm4448]

I was actually just discussing this with my mom. The story of the 7-year-old has disturbed me incredibly. My ds works swing shift, so it really wouldn't be difficult for someone to know when he's not home and break in. That is a fear of mine. My son just asked me last night what to do if that happens. I told him to get away and run outside screaming,"Fire!"

 

I would love for my kids to have more freedom. I occasionally leave them outside for 20 minutes at a time because things do need to get done sometimes. I usually have a visual on them, but as we saw from Jaycee Dugard (who was abducted from her bus stop while her stepfather watched), there's no guarantee I could do anything if someone did try to take one of my kids.

 

I did explain to my son that there are bad people in the world, and the best places to hurt someone are in the groin, neck and eyes. But, a child is usually no match for an adult. It's just become a much more difficult world to raise children in.

[LibraryLover]

I would not call mine totally free-range, but pretty close to it. We live in small village area where kids are always riding bikes, walking, etc. There are little ice cream shops, beaches, a beach with a park, a library etc, all within walking/biking distance. While many kids get driven around, many still walk or ride. My kids walk to the beach nearly daily, even in winter. We bought here for that very reason. We have location, not so much house. ;)

 

I've found the same in areas of Boston/Brookline, where it's easy to be Free- Range. Kids can take the subway, and there are green spaces to explore, bookstores and music shops as well. I also have friends in Brooklyn, and near Central Park, and their children often ride their bikes or skateboard there. It's very safe, even though people cry, "Oh no! City!"

 

Where we live there is a lot of land, tide pools, grazing animals etc. There is a lot to see during a walk, and there are places to walk. A lot of our hsing friends have land to roam as well, so the kids can play in trees, woods (check for ticks) etc. Often, I feel as if we stepped back in time. Everyone at the library knows all my kids, I see familiar faces everywhere--farmer's markets (Where I was recently greated warmly by several of the vendors/farmers "I knew you would be here on the opening day!), the farm where we buy our milk, the farm where we buy our meat, small markets etc etc. We've lived in the same general area for 21 years (3 hourses, same area). The roots here are deep. I wish winters were shorter. I keep exploring warmer, friendly areas for when I become a snow bunny. ;) When I am 90, I really want to be able to walk to the library and nice market. *I'll* want to be free-range then, not dependant on people coming to take me out.

Edited June 14, 2010 by LibraryLover

[littlebug42]

No, I do not have free range children. Personally, I was raised as a free range kid and I don't think it did me any favors. If our living circumstances were different, maybe I might feel differently. I live in an inner city and I just don't feel it is safe to do so. Also, I work for a hospital as a medical transcriptionist for medical imaging. At night, I see nothing but traumas. What makes the news is just the tip of the iceberg. 2/3 of what happens doesn't even make the news. I feel it is my job to protect and nurture my children the best way I see. It doesn't include free range parenting.

[Parrothead]

We are trying to be more free range.

[NanceXToo]

We're not free range.

 

With that said, I agree with a lot of what she says/thinks. And no I don't think she's totally crazy or anything like that.

 

I just can't bring myself to take unnecessary chances with my own kids as of yet.

[rookie]

I sort of do, but not as much as I would like.

 

Our dd12 takes off every morning to ride a 2-4 mile circuit on her bike (alone). She has my cell and is expected back within a specific time frame. THe first time, she mapped the exact route out with her dad and they timed it. She knows how to grocery shop so I let her take a cart and list and get stuff with me in the store. She knows how to pump gas by herself and go inside to pay for it. She sometimes babysits for me if I have a doc appointment. She would happily work if someone would employ her but no one will because it is not legal! Here is this smart, ambitious, capable young woman who is not ALLOWED to work. It drives me crazy. She could easily hold down a part time job alongside school/chores/activities.

 

The other dc can take a walk around the block together and play outside - without supervision - together. I am training them to know how to do everything in the house and how to to take over with stuff outside of the house.

 

I would give them all more neighborhood freedom but we live in a big city with the WORST drivers in America bar none (and I have driven in every major city in America). You cannot depend on anyone stopping for a stop sign and Red means Go Faster. I trust my dc and my training, I do not trust our drivers.

 

I would absolutely allow dd12 to use the NYC subway system. I let her guide all of us through the Paris Metro. I gave her the euro and map and said "Figure it out," and she did. She was also in charge of our daily bread/pastry purchases in France and would set out every morning - alone - with euro and a little French. She was very successful. She was 10 at the time.

[JoyfulMama]

My oldest is only 9, so they can't be too free-range. But I do encourage some independence. At 8 she was allowed to run into a store we frequented often to buy one item for me. She will run into the library while we wait in the car. We have a lot of property here, and I do let them out of sight, but do encourage them to use the buddy system. DD has only just finally learned how to ride her bike. Not very comfortable with her riding her bike places, though, as the cars are a bit fast here. (Speed limit on the road is 40, with lots of curves and no shoulder.) I anticipate that will be something the kids will be able to grow into, like many other things.

[Pamela H in Texas]

Well, yeah, it's really easy to say I free-range NOW. My kids are big (15 and 17) and we recently moved to an area they finally could have such freedom.

 

I wish we had done so all along. Unfortunately, we were chickens and we lived in an area that just wasn't conducive to it (in the middle of nowhere, kinda). Had we been here? I think I could see free-range to a large degree.

 

ETA: I think it is a bit unfair (and counterproductive) to use EXTREMES (not allowing children to run into the store for milk or go to the mailbox) as examples of non-free-range. Seriously, MOST parents probably aren't that nutty (no offense to those of you on here that are, I just highly disagree with being THAT overprotective). To me, either EXTREME can be a real issue. If you wipe your kids' backsides forever, you are doing them a disservice. However, if you go to the other extreme and have your 4yo walking home from the mall, you are also (assuming you don't live at the mall).

 

ETA2: I am glad I feel fine allowing my kids freedom at these ages. So many parents are micromanaging EVERYTHING for their teens. They wouldn't dare let them drive/walk to the mall or shopping center by themselves. They are allowed little privacy in their own rooms and online. Mom advocates for them, to an extreme. They are rarely without a family member, doing anything in their communities, following a passion, etc. I tease my daughter about cutting the umbilical cord at times, but seriously, my kids enjoy way more freedom than a lot of homeschooled teens seem to (according to what I see IRL and on this board).

 

I disagree with some of the author's points in regards to children learning skills. I want them to learn social skills, laws, values, etc from US. They don't need to have helicopter parents at the playground at 6; but they do need guidance, encouragement, help, instruction, etc at times. In addition, they need to spend MUCH more time with people who hold those skills, values, etc than with people just learning them. But along the way, the teaching should take root and the children should be given more and more opportunity to practice what they've learned. This should be done WELL in advance of the normal "push" of being a teenager and certainly before adulthood. We want them to PRACTICE when they still have a safety net, the guidance, the help, and the correction necessary. By teens, they really should be running their lives, imo. They may make some bad choices. And they will have to deal with the consequences. But the consequences at 13 when they've had thorough instruction are much less than they are at 6 without good instruction or at 18 when they've had no opportunity to think and practice for themselves. JMO....some more....

Edited June 14, 2010 by 2J5M9K

[elegantlion]

My ds is not free range in the physical sense. He has no desire to roam. He doesn't even like to ride his bike by himself. That being said if he did like to ride by himself I wouldn't let him leave the neighborhood, which is one big circle. My fear is not kidnapping, it's the drivers. Many people ride bikes for transportation around here and unfortunately there are a high number of accidents involving cars/bikes. We have a friend that has been hit twice through no fault of his own, it was because drivers don't understand the laws about giving cyclists room on the road. There is no sidewalk and very little shoulder where we live.

 

In a technological sense he has more freedom. He has a computer and is allowed to use the internet. He really only visits a few sites but we don't stand over him while he's online.

[LibraryLover]

LOL You're funny. I agree. The reason I don't call my kids fully free range is because it's not like I have dropped toddlers off at the park and went to a Hot Yoga class. But they didn't have to be in the cart or hold my hand at the market, or library, they could run around our yard without me out there every moment, I let them get the mail when they were tiny, they could take the dogs for a walk together at 8 or 9 etc.

 

Although they are older now, I encourage them to stay together, account for each other etc.

 

When we lived in the city, I used to let them play on the sidewalk with friends. (area off the main drag on a thickly-clotted street of about 20 houses, all of which had front porches that people used). We knew all of our neighbors, every single one of them, and it was great.

 

 

Well, yeah, it's really easy to say I free-range NOW. My kids are big (15 and 17) and we recently moved to an area they finally could have such freedom.

 

I wish we had done so all along. Unfortunately, we were chickens and we lived in an area that just wasn't conducive to it (in the middle of nowhere, kinda). Had we been here? I think I could see free-range to a large degree.

 

ETA: I think it is a bit unfair (and counterproductive) to use EXTREMES (not allowing children to run into the store for milk or go to the mailbox) as examples of non-free-range. Seriously, MOST parents probably aren't that nutty (no offense to those of you on here that are, I just highly disagree with being THAT overprotective). To me, either EXTREME can be a real issue. If you wipe your kids' backsides forever, you are doing them a disservice. However, if you go to the other extreme and have your 4yo walking home from the mall, you are also (assuming you don't live at the mall).

[Chris in VA]

I'm sorta in the middle. I live on US 1, literally, so our house is set back from the road about 550 ft, and we are on church land (about 40 acres) with Ft. Belvoir to the side across the street and a housing development about 2 acres away on the side. The other neighborhood is across US 1.

I let my dd play outside in our "yard," and go to the field which is on church property but not within my sight. She can just go for a few minutes at a time, and I make her take the dog most of the time--still feel a little nervous but it's good for her. Except for the field, she can go into the woods (all woods around us) as long as she can see the house.

 

I won't let her walk to the store until she's 13 or 14, and only if she wants to and is able to handle it--able to run quick, yell loud, and not talk to strangers. Even then I'll be a little nervous, I'm sure.

 

I guess the trick is to be able to truly assess the dangers, truly know our kids, and balance risk and danger with benefits. It's a hard dance, isn't it?

[Pretty in Pink]

I think we're fairly free-range.

 

Our kids vacation with their great-grandparents every summer for up to one month. They've been to Orlando, Washington D.C., Baltimore, etc. They drive, fly, and take the train while traveling.

 

Our ds11 vacationed with his good friend last summer and again this summer. They spent one week at the beach both years and right now he's in Gatlinburg with them. He works at their farm when he's there and they use ATVs to navigate the property. He's also been up in their powered parachute plane with the boy's father.

 

Our ds11 is allowed to ride around the neighborhood with a friend (3 mile loop, have to cross the street twice). He can also ride down to Dunkin' Donuts with a friend (in our neighborhood, 1.5 miles round trip, crossing the street 4 times each way).

 

I let my oldest take his younger siblings to the restroom while we're at the base commissay/exchange while I continue shopping (one sibling at a time though as the little guys tend to dawdle if they go together).

 

We have several retired, elderly neighbors on our street. One of them is an artist. He offered to give my ds11 woodcarving lessons and I let him go. It's a few houses down and they sit in the garage for one to two hours, once a week, carving. The equipment could be dangerous (knives, woodburning tools, etc.) and the old man could be a creep-o I suppose, but I don't think he is. He's also taken the three older boys fishing a couple of times at the pond half a mile down the road.

 

My oldest goes to sleepovers. He's been on short trips with the AWANA group. He's going to a week-long sleepaway camp this summer.

 

And, I was babysitting my siblings for short periods of time at 8 years of age. I was babysitting full-time during the summers by 12 or 13 for my father's co-worker who lived a town over. I was babysitting overnight before that.

[msjones]

My kids have quite a bit of freedom in the neighborhood. They walk to the park, play there without me for hours, walk to friends' houses, and can walk to the grocery store or bakery.

 

I agree with a previous poster that my biggest concern is the traffic. I'd like my kids to take their bikes more places, but it's no picnic negotiating the vehicle traffic around here. I prefer to have them on foot.

 

I do think we need to be careful about criticizing other moms, though. Neighborhoods are so different. There certainly are parts of our city where I wouldn't be letting my kids walk to the store alone.

[ThatCyndiGirl]

NO. I do NOT agree with the author's premise. I have lived overseas. There are REASONS that the U.S. is not appropriate for 'free range kids'. We do not have the same sense of community.

 

If you peruse the author's website you will see the post in which she advocates DROPPING OFF 7 YEAR OLD KIDS AT THE PARK AND LEAVING. :confused:

 

 

That's not free-range, that's just stupidity. :001_huh:

[2squared]

We are free range, at least compared to a lot of the people on this board. We live in a very rural community (pop 1500) in the middle of basically nowhere. We know most people in town, and most people know us. We moved here so we could be comfortably free range with our kids.

 

We have live on five acres in the country, and my 3yo, 6yo & 8yo can roam at will. I don't keep tabs on them other than to call them in for food. My 2yo is allowed to roam in a more limited fashion since I do keep tabs on her. The 2yo isn't allowed in the grove without me, and the 3yo isn't allowed in the grove by himself.

 

I leave my kids in the van when I run errands in town. My oldest two are allowed to walk/bike by themselves in town, and they go in stores without me. My oldest loves walking from her activities at the school to the library and then to dh's office. The oldest two also go to the swimming pool without me. If they want, I will let them bike the 1.5 miles to town, but they haven't expressed a desire to do that yet.

 

We leave the 6yo & 8yo at home alone when dh & I need to run to town for quick trips.

 

My 8yo uses the stove top to cook simple foods, and she has started using the oven as well. Next summer when she is 9yo she will be expected to watch #5 while I mow lawn or else she'll be mowing the lawn.

 

Kids in our community start babysitting at 10yo & 11yo. I see the adds posted at the grocery store all the time. At those ages, I'm not comfortable with someone else's kid watching mine, but I am comfortable with MY 10yo & 11yo watching my own littles.

 

All of the things I wrote above would be consider customary in our community, so we aren't considered free-range here. We blend in.

[AuntPol]

Well my kids definitely are not as free-range as I was at same age but probably more free than most people we know. Huge difference in time and place. I grew up in a medium sized town, a single mother, places that I could actually go to, etc.

 

We live in a housing development. There is not much my kids can walk to reasonably. There is one park about 1.5 miles away that I might would let them walk to in a few years but it has nothing there (skateboard park and baseball field only) and they would have to walk on a busy road and it's not unusual to see very unsavory characters on that stretch and at the park. Other than that, there is nothing close enough for ME to walk to LOL.

 

Within our housing development, there is a mile long circle of sidewalk, and a couple of woodsy areas. This year (ages 10/9), I allow them to go if they are together or with other friends, have one of the dogs and their cell phones with them. It makes me nervous though. We had a murder (still unsolved) in our housing development this year and we have lots of robberies and vandalsm every year. There are a lot of bad behaved kids and teens and some adults that I just don't feel comfortable having my kids be alone around.

 

However, I have allowed them to be outside in our yard without me at ages 5/4. The next year, they were allowed to play outside at our house or next door neighbors, then we allowed them to play in cul-de-sac, then to end of street, and then on our street or next street over. Each year we increased the boundaries.

 

I have let my older one go into Aldi's by herself to buy milk while I wait in the car with her brother and his friends. I let them go to the toy aisle while I shop. I let my daughter go to the playground while I watch my son's baseball game and let my son do the same while I walk laps with my daughter. I let my son explore the woods with his friend at the horse farm while my daughter has horse lessons. When we visit my parents who live in a small town, they are given much more freedom. It's a block to town, so they can go pick up take-out, get ice cream, go to the book store, go the convenience store, etc.

 

I have no problem leaving my kids home alone and do for up to two hours (We have built up to that and that is still a rare thing and time of day dependent). I was home alone at age 6. My concern is not my child's safety so much but having someone call CPS. Our state has no minimum age limit though.

 

I was publically lambasted though because I taught a group of 6 girls (all 10-11) and left them in the classroom to the classroom next door for a few minutes to help out another instructer (same room just with a divider between them. I could hear the girls but not see them. It was a well-behaved group of girls, and nothing in the room that could hurt them, and they could not leave the room without passing by the room I was in).

[Wheres Toto]

My oldest is pretty free-ranges now - after all she's 16 and will be driving soon. She's been able to roam the mall with friends (and me there) since about 12, on her own since 14 - a local mall that we know well and visited frequently. At her dad's house, she can walk all over town. At my house, just all over our neighborhood. Right outside my neighborhood is a very busy, curvy, hilly, no shoulder/no sidewalk road with cars that drive way over the speed limit. The nearest grocery store, convenience store or anything is probably about 2 miles in either direction. I wouldn't have a problem with her walking that far but even I don't feel safe walking on that road.

 

My younger two are too young to be free-range really. At the playground, I let them go off and do their own thing but keep them in sight. Mostly because ds would not hesitate to leave with someone else, whether they want him or not (he's playing with a kid, kid goes to leave, ds tags along). If our mailbox was at the end of our driveway, I'd probably let him get the mail but it's a 1/4 mile away at the entrance to our neighborhood.

 

Next year, I will let them play in our yard without me being right there. It will be fenced in, we are on a very quiet road in the back of a dead-end neighborhood with lots of kids and families. Everyone gets to know each other through our community pool. I'll probably let them venture out into the neighborhood on their own when they are 7 and 9, as long as they stay together. Hard to say for sure since I don't know at what age they will show signs of being ready. I'm not worried about abduction but being aware enough to watch out for cars and bears.

 

I think how free-range it's possible to be depends on lot upon your specific circumstances. Where do you live - is there heavy traffic, no sidewalks, etc. and your specific children. I was walking over 2 miles each way to our local library when I was 10 but it was all residential roads with sidewalks (not to mention the 70's/early 80's).

[LauraGB]

I don't have free-range kids. I wish I could, but I think Americans have the wrong culture for it. Our sense of community is severely lacking...There are places where I would feel comfortable letting my kids be more free. America is not one of them.

 

Tara

 

:iagree: When we were on vacation in Mexico, parents let children of all ages (and I mean ALL ages) run free all over the resort. No way would we let our kids out of arm's reach range (they were 6 or 7 at the time). We marvelled about that, and even decided we were crazy. But so it goes.

 

I let my kids go together to look at cds and things at Target while I buy laundry soap, toilet paper, and other boring things ;). "Together" being mandatory. But, I do spend a great deal of time walking back and forth past those aisles just to be sure they are still there (they don't know that, though). Just this past year I started dropping them off for most of their racquetball and other timed classes at the Y. But, they are together, and I'm there front and center to drop them off and pick them up 30-45 min later.

 

I don't know. Independence (or at least the feeling of having it) is extremely important for kids of a certain age. But innocence is a funny thing -my kids have an idyllic, Norman Rockwell sort of view about how society "should" be; kids riding bikes to the park, walking down to a neighborhood friend's house and coming back when Mom yells "Dinner" and it echoes throughout the neighborhood, etc. Unfortunately, that's soooo not the case. And I'm not about to risk their safety to prove anything.

[Mom in High Heels]

Indy is pretty "free-range" I guess. We live in Germany though so I feel much safer letting him go out than when we lived in America. We live in a "quad" with 3 buildings surrounding a huge central courtyard/playground and a road on the 4th side (there is an 8 foot fence between the road and the playground) and Indy goes out all the time by himself. I check on him out the window every now and then, but mostly he's out alone (with other kids). There's no way I'd let him do that in America because *I* wouldn't feel comfortable with it. He has rules of course; he's not allowed to go to other quads without asking or into other buildings to ask kids to play without asking, but mostly he can do what he likes. Everyone here is like that. German kids go all kinds of places alone. We see them at grocery stores, on the strassenbahns (street cars) and buses alone. Teenagers go backpacking across Europe all the time. No big deal. America just isn't like that and I think it's sad.

[gpsings]

No, I don't. In the age of internet where p 0 r n is so prevalent and people really don't know their neighbors like they used to...no. I don't think it's wise. I do love to allow them to run and play and be kids, but in a safe zone or with us around.

Also have to disclose that I have a background of abuse and spent my later childhood and teenage years in foster care in AZ. I have seen firsthand what's out there, I don't need television.

[emubird]

Our yard, yes. Our block, yes. We know lots of people who would help in an emergency, so even when the kids were young that didn't really bother me. I didn't let them play in the street, though. That just seemed dumb, given our street, despite how lots of other little kids did it.

 

But the first time my daughter rode her bike with some friends to the park, she had her bike stolen right out of her hands. It was fairly traumatizing. We got the bike back (thanks to the police), but she wouldn't go anywhere without an adult for a long time afterward.

 

As that kid who stole the bike was finally jailed for murder a few years ago, I suppose maybe the neighborhood is a little safer, but there's always the chance that some new kid will be growing into that role.

 

Now that my kids are in their teens, they're more likely to go places alone, but at night, we're all still a little leery of being out alone. Maybe it's just our area.

 

We don't watch much TV, by the way.

 

And I didn't let them go buy milk at the local store until the house of prostitution across the street was finally closed down. There were too many guys out propositioning females of all ages, even moms pushing strollers.

 

Things have gotten better, due to a lot of involved neighbors. Actually, we now live in what's considered a nice, "pricey" neighborhood, but there's kind of a steep gradient of respectability around here, and a lot of vestiges from a time when this neighborhood was filled with a lot of rental properties and don't-care absentee landlords. (Fortunately, we bought our house before it became upscale.)

Edited June 14, 2010 by emubird

[MyBlueLobsters]

NO. I do NOT agree with the author's premise. I have lived overseas. There are REASONS that the U.S. is not appropriate for 'free range kids'. We do not have the same sense of community.

 

If you peruse the author's website you will see the post in which she advocates DROPPING OFF 7 YEAR OLD KIDS AT THE PARK AND LEAVING. :confused:

 

 

That's not free-range, that's just stupidity. :001_huh:

 

 

:iagree: No way. We are NOT 'free range'. I do not expect my 8 & 9 year olds to act like an adult. They have the rest of their lives to do that. Besides, my 9 year old would have a heart attack if we left him alone. He would NOT have the wits about him to handle an emergency situation (and why should he at 9?) if something were to happen while he was alone. Why rush growing up?

[Lolly]

No wonder teenagers are surly and self-centered when they are given little independence and responsibility.

 

This sounds like a huge generalization to me.

 

Along those same lines, there is not much opportunity today for teens to work. It used to be that, at age 12 or so, you could get a job delivering newspapers -- and kids used to babysit at ages 10 and 11. Now, most newspapers will not even hire a deliverer under the age of 18. And many people think a 10 year old needs to HAVE a babysitter, not be one.

 

I don't know anyone who babysit at 10 or 11. I know for certain my mother would not hire someone at 10 or 11 to babysit (I had an older brother and he was not left in charge). I would never hire someone at 10 or 11 to babysit or do anything else.

 

In most non-English-speaking countries,children are given much independence than American and English children. Just as one example, in other countries, at age four people starting leaving their children at public park filled with other children of various ages, but no adults. In fact, people from other countries think Americans are kinda weird in this regard. One German was quoted as saying, incredulous, "The land of the free and the home of the brave? Ha!

 

I don't really care what people in other countries think of us.

 

Is it any surprise that child obesity rates are rising, when kids are rarely allowed to play outside or GO anywhere themselves? (A few parents were quoted as saying that they would not let their children walk to the mailbox at the end of their driveway alone "because something bad could happen.")

 

I don't have obese children (far from it) and my kids get more exercise than 99% of the children we know.

 

Since today's kids are rarely alone anymore, we as parents tend to not teach them the skills they need, since we're always there for them. For example, if a kid never rides their bike or walks to school or the library alone, we are unlikely to teach them the rules of being a pedestrian, etc.

 

I don't think its teaching kids the rules of being a pedestrian. I think it means teaching drivers that a "right turn on red" does not mean plow down the pedestrian in the crosswalk.

 

Well, I was babysitting all of our neighbors at 10. Made a dollar an hour. I even babysat for one girl who was a little older than I was. We were in the same grade. I thought that was really, really strange.

[Cheryl in NM]

1) Imagine a person who has CNN on in the background for several hours a day. Then, in the evening, they "relax" by watching popular shows like Law and Order and CSI. Unusual? Probably not.

Does this kind of viewing affect one's psyche and outlook on the world? Does it cause anxiety levels to rise? Does it make people think the world is more dangerous than it actually is?

 

When I watch TV during the day it's sitcoms and sometimes crime shows at night. The crime shows don't worry me as much because I live in the country, but I notice that they DO affect my underlying feeling of safety sometimes.

 

2) Teens and tweens today are so used to years of being told, "Don't do this; it's not safe" or "Don't do that; that's something for an adult to do!" that they are turning passive and useless in a way past generations typically were not. No wonder teenagers are surly and self-centered when they are given little independence and responsibility. A hundred years ago, 17 year old females were often married and running households of their own. Today, a female a year or two much younger might not even go to the grocery store alone, ever, to buy a jug of milk.

 

I have often thought this. How are our teens supposed to learn responsibility if they are given none until 18? Of course, they are all graduating with Associate's Degrees now, but can't run their own households! I started driving at 16 and had use of the family car sometimes. I WAS sent on errands and so were my friends. I didn't realize I might have been the last generation to be given this freedom.

 

3) Along those same lines, there is not much opportunity today for teens to work. It used to be that, at age 12 or so, you could get a job delivering newspapers -- and kids used to babysit at ages 10 and 11. Now, most newspapers will not even hire a deliverer under the age of 18. And many people think a 10 year old needs to HAVE a babysitter, not be one.

 

I began babysitting at age 11 and babysat until I was 16 and could get a "real" job. I really did not enjoy babysitting, but liked earning money. My son, almost 14, still couldn't babysit. He still thinks of himself too much. My step-kids never could babysit, they were too selfish and couldn't place the needs of others above their desires.

 

3) In most non-English-speaking countries,children are given much independence than American and English children. Just as one example, in other countries, at age four people starting leaving their children at public park filled with other children of various ages, but no adults. In fact, people from other countries think Americans are kinda weird in this regard. One German was quoted as saying, incredulous, "The land of the free and the home of the brave? Ha!"

 

I don't like the park thing for toddlers, but I'd be okay leaving a child 7 or older with other kids at a park if the park was within walking distance of home or where ever I was and the child didn't have to cross a busy street.

 

 

4) Is it any surprise that child obesity rates are rising, when kids are rarely allowed to play outside or GO anywhere themselves? (A few parents were quoted as saying that they would not let their children walk to the mailbox at the end of their driveway alone "because something bad could happen.")

 

My son, almost 14, is not obese because I've alway had him involved in sports and monitored what he ate. Since we live in the country he's always been allowed to roam somewhat. However, just last year he was released from the "you can go however far you want as long as you can see the house." rule. I'm more nervous in summer because of rattlesnakes than when it's cooler, but he carries the household cell phone with him and a gps to mark his location in case he gets bit or hurt. Our mailbox is 1/2 mile away on a frontage for an interstate and I just started letting him go to the mailbox last year. There are many businesses on that frontage road and I didn't trust him to be aware of his surroundings.

 

 

5) Since today's kids are rarely alone anymore, we as parents tend to not teach them the skills they need, since we're always there for them. For example, if a kid never rides their bike or walks to school or the library alone, we are unlikely to teach them the rules of being a pedestrian, etc.

 

I started letting my son have lee-way when I realized that he DIDN'T know basic pedestrian rules. Of course, that's also a "country kid" problem. lol

 

 

What does anyone think of this? Is she crazy? Is she right? Have you seen evidence of these trends? Do you have a free-range kid? SHOULD you have a free-range kid? And how do you personally give your kids responsibility and independence in a society where most people are afraid to let kids do much of anything?

 

I think there's some truth to these statements, but I wouldn't let a 9 year old ride the subway alone. There are too many loonies and what if the train got stopped on the tracks for hours or had a crash. One of my greatest fears as a parent has been that ds would be in a serious accident and I wouldn't be there to comfort him. Then my step-son, 17, died in a serious accident and didn't see a single loved one before he passed away. Thank God it taught me that when God calls us home there's nothing we, as mere humans, can do about it. My step-son had awesome medical care and loving, caring medical personnel that made him feel as good as they could in the circumstances. I'm so glad it didn't cause me to go the other way and cling to my ds and not allow him any freedom. Of course, I'm still nervous when he's out in the hills during snake season, but he IS almost 14! I try to find the line between smothering him and letting him have what I consider to be appropriate freedom. We are not raising our kids the way our forefathers were raised, that's for sure!

[MariannNOVA]

I don't have free-range kids. I wish I could, but I think Americans have the wrong culture for it. Our sense of community is severely lacking. I have lived overseas and visited many other places, including some of the poorest of the poor. There are places where I would feel comfortable letting my kids be more free. America is not one of them.

 

Tara

 

This. :iagree:

 

Our beef and chicken are free-range, not my kids. ;)

[LibraryLover]

Job opportunities are going to vary by region, but around here, I know young people who:

 

Volunteer at the library

Volunteer at the animal shelter

Are counselors at day and resident camps

Teach tennis/swimming/arts & crafts /assist with spots programs through the park association

Scoop ice cream

Walk dogs

Mow lawns & other yard work

Babysit

Paint

 

It's not work that is going to offer enough money to raise a family, but it gives them a sense of accomplishment and some money to save/spend/whatever.

 

i esp like to see oler teens volunterring at the library. Melts my heart. lol

[TravelingChris]

Yes, my kids are free-range, I guess. When we lived in Europe, they played in the woods and walked to the farm about a quarter mile from us to look at the horses regularly. I did instruct them not to pick chestnuts since they did not know chestnuts from horse chestnuts. I also left them together at the French version of a Punch and Judy show. Back in the US, they biked together to the library, they walked the dog, they went to the beach with their older brother. I didn't let them fgo to the beach alone but that had nothing to do with their ages but rather their swimming ability. There were no lifeguards. Over here, they can walk to the pool, to their friends' house, to the pet sitting job, ride bikes in the park, etc. THings like riding bikes in the park they do with someone else. As it is, my 16 almost 17 yo is much more anxious about going alone somewhere than I was at that age and much younger. She doesn't want to take a metro alone, but I will force her next year or later this summer. SHe has one year and a few months till she is going away to college and needs to become more independent. SHe doesn't have any issues going to a store alone.

[KrissiK]

I'm a pretty paranoid mama and I hate it. I'd like to be a little more free-range. When I was a kid, we had babysitters who were 12-13 years old, and even now we have our 14 year old neighbor girl babysit. When my mom was a girl, her mom would let her and her younger sister take the bus into the City (25 miles away) by themselves when they were 12 and 10 years old. I'd never do that now. I also look at the playground equipment that was around when I was a kid (jungle gyms, see-saws, merry-go-rounds) and are no longer there because they are unsafe. I was talking to a friend about that once and he said, "Yeah, we learned how to be safe on those things. You get on a merry-go-round and just hold on!" I think now days there are more loonies out there, and neighbors aren't as close to each other and willing to "get involved".

[sassenach]

I don't know anyone who babysit at 10 or 11. I know for certain my mother would not hire someone at 10 or 11 to babysit (I had an older brother and he was not left in charge). I would never hire someone at 10 or 11 to babysit or do anything else.

 

 

 

I babysat at 11. Not just for one family, but for 4-5 different families. This was in the early 90s.

[ThatCyndiGirl]

I babysat at 11. Not just for one family, but for 4-5 different families. This was in the early 90s.

 

 

You were 11 in the early 90's and you have a 13 year old?! :confused:

[jewellsmommy]

It is kinda funny to see this discussion in comparison to the one about the young lady who was sailing...

 

We are not free range. I do believe in having higher expectations for teens and giving them the ability to demonstrate their responsibility. But, I do not think that my child is capable, given the environment of society, to handle the nuances and decisions that would be necessary for being free range in the area where we live. I admittingly could be 'colored' by the fact that my dad was a l.e.o in our city for over 20 yrs.

 

I do think that there are more kidnappings and such and yes, they are also reported more. But, I think that as a society becomes more entertainment and leisure driven, as opposed to a developing country, people have more time to dwell on things like the internet, watch more movies, etc. These things are not bad in themselves but the temptation to delve into the "darker side" is immense the more time you spend doing it. KWIM? So, I believe that more people get sucked into pornography and such and some of those people will partake to such a degree that their views and thinking become warped. I have read (and could search for it if I had to) that said young men who had prolonged exposure to from a young age are now needing viagra in order to perform with "real life" women because of the chemistry changes that occur. People can be changed by these things and some in a very dark way. Obviously this type of thing is going to be more prevalent then 20 yrs ago because the internet is more prevalent. Heck, you can't get away from it. Its on phones, mini laptops, etc. And just because my family only uses it for the good, doesn't stop anyone else around me, my neighborhood, etc. for using it for evil.

 

So, based on that I believe there are more perverse minds with too much time on their hands looking for a good opportunity. Call me paranoid, and yes, I suffer from anxiety often and watch criminal minds :glare:.

[Jenny in GA]

ETA: I think it is a bit unfair (and counterproductive) to use EXTREMES (not allowing children to run into the store for milk or go to the mailbox) as examples of non-free-range. Seriously, MOST parents probably aren't that nutty (no offense to those of you on here that are, I just highly disagree with being THAT overprotective).

 

Actually, I don't think it is necessarily extreme or nutty, but rather just reality, to some extent.

 

A 15 year old cannot drive alone, and often a 16 year old cannot, either. That has nothing to do with a parent being extreme.

 

Depending on where you live, walking and public transportation is often not an option.

 

The year I was 15, I lived in two different parts of the country. In each (although one was worse than the other), I would have had to walk probably 40 minutes one way to get to a store. I would have had to walk on a five-lane highway with no sidewalks. I don't know many adults who would be willing to do that to get a jug of milk, certainly not often.

 

So since I couldn't drive, I was stuck. No, I couldn't get milk myself when I was 15 or 16.

 

As far as the mailbox ... I wonder if that is unusual or not? The first person I mentioned this book to said that she WAS afraid to have her 8 year old go get the mail.

 

Jenny

[LauraGB]

As far as the mailbox ... I wonder if that is unusual or not? The first person I mentioned this book to said that she WAS afraid to have her 8 year old go get the mail.

 

Jenny

 

Well...My mail box is across the road. The road is busy, especially during peak times of the day. The speed limit is 45 mph, which naturally equals at least 55 mph. There is a tiny shoulder area to stand on to check the box. Drivers can be complete idiots and not slow down, not move over, etc. There may also not be an opportunity for a driver to move over because of oncoming traffic. I have almost taken one for the team a time or two just by standing next to my mailbox waiting to cross back. I'm not saying "No Way" to my kids about getting the mail, I just feel better if I get it myself. I have let them get it (if absolutely no one is coming in either direction, lol) I wonder if the other non-mail allowers have a situation like that?

[jewellsmommy]

Actually, I don't think it is necessarily extreme or nutty, but rather just reality, to some extent.

 

A 15 year old cannot drive alone, and often a 16 year old cannot, either. That has nothing to do with a parent being extreme.

 

Depending on where you live, walking and public transportation is often not an option.

 

The year I was 15, I lived in two different parts of the country. In each (although one was worse than the other), I would have had to walk probably 40 minutes one way to get to a store. I would have had to walk on a five-lane highway with no sidewalks. I don't know many adults who would be willing to do that to get a jug of milk, certainly not often.

 

So since I couldn't drive, I was stuck. No, I couldn't get milk myself when I was 15 or 16.

 

As far as the mailbox ... I wonder if that is unusual or not? The first person I mentioned this book to said that she WAS afraid to have her 8 year old go get the mail.

 

Jenny

 

 

There are going to be many "degrees" to a person's free rangeness with their dc. I think it will have a lot to do with where you live and where your mail box is :D.

 

As I said, not free range here. However, 2 friends of mine and their dc work together often at our church. We allow our children to run free up or down stairs, but the building is pretty empty. I will allow my dd to stay alone while I run next door for 10 min. to my mom's house (literally next door). But, my dd has never been around the block by herself.

[rookie]

It is kinda funny to see this discussion in comparison to the one about the young lady who was sailing...

 

We are not free range. I do believe in having higher expectations for teens and giving them the ability to demonstrate their responsibility. But, I do not think that my child is capable, given the environment of society, to handle the nuances and decisions that would be necessary for being free range in the area where we live. I admittingly could be 'colored' by the fact that my dad was a l.e.o in our city for over 20 yrs.

 

I do think that there are more kidnappings and such and yes, they are also reported more. But, I think that as a society becomes more entertainment and leisure driven, as opposed to a developing country, people have more time to dwell on things like the internet, watch more movies, etc. These things are not bad in themselves but the temptation to delve into the "darker side" is immense the more time you spend doing it. KWIM? So, I believe that more people get sucked into pornography and such and some of those people will partake to such a degree that their views and thinking become warped. I have read (and could search for it if I had to) that said young men who had prolonged exposure to from a young age are now needing viagra in order to perform with "real life" women because of the chemistry changes that occur. People can be changed by these things and some in a very dark way. Obviously this type of thing is going to be more prevalent then 20 yrs ago because the internet is more prevalent. Heck, you can't get away from it. Its on phones, mini laptops, etc. And just because my family only uses it for the good, doesn't stop anyone else around me, my neighborhood, etc. for using it for evil.

 

So, based on that I believe there are more perverse minds with too much time on their hands looking for a good opportunity. Call me paranoid, and yes, I suffer from anxiety often and watch criminal minds :glare:.

 

 

 

what is a l.e.o.?

[daddygeek]

Hello Jenny: I agree with your original post.

 

I hope with the help of God my wife and I will be able to give our children a great education and a whole lot of freedom. Being new to this forum, I have been reading a lot of posts, and it appears to me there are two mindsets for people who choose to homeschool.

 

Many people want to teach their children the truth, cause them to be informed about what goes on in the world. They want their kids to be well trained as to how to succeed and how to avoid avoidable problems, how to get help when needed, and how to resolve the unavoidable problems. I hope to be part of this group.

 

Another group sounds like they want to protect their children from knowing the truth. It sounds like some of them avoid the truth themselves. I hope to avoid this.

 

All this said, you are responsible to manage the risks you subject your children to. In Anchorage AK I could let a child do a lot of roaming. In Hampton VA, I would not feel it safe to leave them roam the streets without a doberman and two pitbulls. :001_smile:

[astrid]

Yes. Free range kid here, and proud of it.

 

I tire quickly of those who seem to equate parents who allow their kids to play outside, ride their bikes to the library, walk to sports practice or a friend's house, etc. with the height of neglect and sloth.

Free Range Kid does not equal Neglected Kid. Free Range Parenting does not equal Poor Parenting.

 

(not saying you said this, OP, but I can see it coming and it's a sore spot with me.)

 

astrid

[m0mmaBuck]

We are not free range. I will speak only of DS8 as I feel he is our only child to whom this discussion relates. He is allowed to get the mail but the mailbox is basically in our yard. He is allowed to ride his bike to his friend's house or his grandparents' house but that is about 1/4 mile away in the same private community (not gated but private) but he has to call when he arrives and call when he leaves. There is a park directly across the street from our house and he can play there with a friend while I am in our front yard doing yardwork. All of these things give him a sense of growing independence but with safe limitations.

 

He cannot ride to another friend's house (in our neighborhood) because not only is it a further ride but it passes directly by the entrance to our neighborhood which is busy street and intersection. He cannot ride to the park on the other side of the neighborhood because I cannot supervise AND because we have had cougar sitings in that park. He certainly is not allowed to leave the neighborhood alone, primarily because of the traffic but also because I feel he is too young.

 

It saddens me to some extent because I grew up in the middle of nowhere on a 400 acre farm and could basically go anywhere on the property without a care. My siblings and I would spend hours and hours away from the house, climbing trees and playing in the woods. We also rode our bikes 6 miles on way to get to town to swim or play with friends. However, our kids are growing up in a much different place and time.

[astrid]

:iagree: No way. We are NOT 'free range'. I do not expect my 8 & 9 year olds to act like an adult. They have the rest of their lives to do that. Besides, my 9 year old would have a heart attack if we left him alone. He would NOT have the wits about him to handle an emergency situation (and why should he at 9?) if something were to happen while he was alone. Why rush growing up?

 

Respectfully, BlueLobster, I'm not sure you understand the concept. Giving kids freedom to be responsible for their actions and having faith in their abilities to walk to a neighbor's house safely is NOT "rushing them to grow up." It's just not. It does not mean we expect them to BE adults. It does not mean we are ending their childhood.

 

When my dd was 9, she would NOT have had "a heart attack" if I left her alone. She was then, and is now, a responsible, sensible child, and an ONLY child at that. She knew how to call 911 if she needed to, etc. But neither would she be expected to handle an emergency situation. "Free Range" doesn't mean "You're On Your Own; Good Luck With That."

 

astrid

[Momling]

I agree with poster who said that it's the extremes (on either end of the continuum of free/non-free ranginess) that are worrisome.

 

It's absolutely dependent on where you live and who your kids are and how much risk you can tolerate.

 

Older daughter -- more free range potential (she's very mature and independent)

Younger daughter -- less free range potential (she's much less mature and even more independent - a dangerous combo)

 

Old neighborhood in CT - Dangerous... Less free range -- kids weren't allowed outside of the fenced back yard.

New neighborhood in OR - Much safer... kids can roam around the block and may even be allowed to walk to the park in the next year.

[MyBlueLobsters]

Respectfully, BlueLobster, I'm not sure you understand the concept. Giving kids freedom to be responsible for their actions and having faith in their abilities to walk to a neighbor's house safely is NOT "rushing them to grow up." It's just not. It does not mean we expect them to BE adults. It does not mean we are ending their childhood.

 

When my dd was 9, she would NOT have had "a heart attack" if I left her alone. She was then, and is now, a responsible, sensible child, and an ONLY child at that. She knew how to call 911 if she needed to, etc. But neither would she be expected to handle an emergency situation. "Free Range" doesn't mean "You're On Your Own; Good Luck With That."

 

astrid

 

 

I never said that "walking to the neighbors" was rushing them to grow up. I was directing that comment to the 'leaving them at the park alone at 7'. There are lots of 'grown up' abilities that would have to be in play when being left alone in a public place, not something I would ever put on my kids. What if they fell and broke their arm? What if they fell and cut their head open. What if they fell and passed out? What if there was a strange/suspicious person at the park. A 7,8,9 year old should not have to face those situations alone.

 

Just because my son would not do well being alone does not mean he's not responsible. He's seen his brother have enough grand mal seizures, to expect him to be calm about staying home with them alone is not something I'd put on his shoulders. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Thankfully we live in a country where we can make that decision for ourselves.