Is this unusually cruel? LOL

[Tree House Academy]

Moments ago, my oldest son (who is 9.5 years old) was sitting at the table when he passed gas. I find this rude and gave him a look and he looked back at me and said, "Nothing like a good fart in the afternoon."

 

OMG! I told him to take his plate of food and eat in the bathroom. He looked at me like was a nut, but I just can not stand that type of 1. language, 2. disrespect, and 3. poor manners at the table while others are eating. He was morified as he took his plate and sat on the fluffy toilet seat cover to finish his meal off the counter top in the bathroom. UGH!

 

So...was that unusually cruel or something? It sure seemed fitting at the time!

[Parrothead]

:lol::lol::lol: Good one, mom!

[Carrie12345]

Lol. (Sorry!)

 

I don't think it was unusually cruel at all. If bathroom behavior isn't tolerated in other rooms of your home, you sent him to the right one.

 

Sadly, I think dh and I would have cracked up, but my 10yo ds would never utter the word "fart". (My 6 and 5yo dds, otoh...)

[katemary63]

Nope, nothing wrong with it at all IMO. He must already know he is not allowed to do that sort of thing at the table in your house. So....a fitting consequence if you ask me. Kinda funny too!

 

ps. My kids are disgusting and do that at the table all the time. I hate it, but have never done anything about it. Remember, they are older. But I aprove of your doing something now.

[wide eyes & laughter]

.... Did this humiliate your ds? If so (and I know it would our dc), I personally can't parent that way. You might "make your point" but at what cost?

 

I think there are better ways is all.

[Tree House Academy]

Living in a house full of boys (and I am including the GROWN boy I married here) sometimes has a wear on my nerves. When we go somewhere in the car, they have a competition to see who can make the smelliest gas. *ugh* And I am totally outnumbered. However, at my TABLE, ohhhhh no!

[Mom-ninja.]

Absolutely fitting.

 

My BIL does disgusting things like that. I can't stand it. Proably one of the reasons I don't like him much.....among many.

[Tree House Academy]

.... Did this humiliate your ds? If so (and I know it would our dc), I personally can't parent that way. You might "make your point" but at what cost?

 

I think there are better ways is all.

 

If we had had company over, he would have never done it (and that is the only time he would have been humiliated by punishment). He got a bit miffed at me because he had to leave the group of us at the table and go eat alone in the bathroom...but no, it definitely didn't humiliate him.

[Anne]

I thought it was entirely fitting!! My children ate a couple of meals in the utility room (where our animals eat), b/c - if you're going to act like an animal at the table, you belong in the utility room!:D

 

Now you have a great line: Bathroom activities & language belong in the bathroom.....

 

Anne

[Hillary in KS]

Nope. Completely appropriate.

 

I'm a mom of 3 boys here, and I would've done the same. (Primarily because of his comment that displayed a lack of concern for the feelings of others at the table.)

[Jen500]

All of my boys have gone through the 'farts are funny' stage. I didn't really react--just explained that everyone has gas, and that it's polite to say "Excuse me" after passing gas around others.

[Plucky]

LOL! I haven't made anyone eat in the bathroom but I do make them sit in there for 5-10 mins. If you can't control your gas then you obviously need to be in the bathroom just in case. I rarely have to sit in a stench anymore.

[KidsHappen]

This might seem like a silly question, but what exactly to you expect your child to do if they must pass gas a the table? Do you expect them to get up and leave them table each time? Must the ask if they may be excused? Honest curiosity here.

[Becki in IN]

Good one! I'm gonna have to try that.

[Amber in SJ]

I agree that the conseqence was more for the comment than for passing gas at the table. That kind of thing happens all the time at my house when it is just us. I take comfort in knowing they don't do it when we have company. I have taught them that the polite thing to do is to excuse yourself if you pass gas in public. Unfortunately at my house usually before the person can say, "Excuse me." someone else asks "Who is playing the butt trumpet?" :glare: And then they laugh their heads off. The person laughing the loudest is usually DH who may or may not be the player of said trumpet. We have food allergies & other gastro-intestinal issues that make gas passing common. I don't have the energy to get upset about it every time.

 

Amber in SJ

[HRAAB]

This might seem like a silly question, but what exactly to you expect your child to do if they must pass gas a the table? Do you expect them to get up and leave them table each time? Must the ask if they may be excused? Honest curiosity here.

 

I have this same question. What if it is one of those that takes you unawares? No time to leave the table? Would an 'excuse me' work? The comment, though, I wouldn't appreciate at the table?

 

Janet

[Macrina]

I agree that gas at the table is OK- it's not different then sneezing, our bodies can not always control themselves. I wouldn't tolerate the comment either, though I may have just had my dc leave the table vs. eating it in the bathroom, though I don't think it was too harsh, unless he was being punished for a bodily function that he couldn't control.

 

Was his comment maybe just because he was embarrassed for being heard passing gas?

[Shannon C]

I'm a germophobe so eating in the bathroom totally grosses me out. I'd be afraid of something getting on the food. Otherwise, I guess the punishment fits the crime. Oh and that "F" word was so taboo in my house when I grew up, I still can't utter it or type it!!

[Mommyof4ks]

:lol::lol::lol: That sounds like my boys and they are only 3 and 5. Boy I'm I in for it! I agree with what you did. Of course they will pass gas when necessary, but the comment was inappropriate. I assume if he would have said excuse me rather than what he said then that would have been fine.

 

We are trying to teach our boys that they can be gross with daddy or other boys, but it is not ok around mommy and girls. My husband learned that at some point, so one day I hope my boys pick it up too. At this point I am not hopeful LOL!

[pqr]

.... Did this humiliate your ds? If so (and I know it would our dc), I personally can't parent that way. You might "make your point" but at what cost?

I think there are better ways is all.

So what if he were humiliated, that is also part of life.

Getting a failing grade on a test, when you could have done better, is humiliating; coming last in a race, when you could have run faster, is humiliating. Being punished for acting like a Neanderthal at the table is humiliating.... so what?

All punishments have an aspect of humiliation.

I simply do not understand what your point is.

A prime example of humiliation being a most useful tool for parenting as demonstrated in the news article about a mother who made her son stand on a street corner wearing a sign around his neck stating that he had used drugs. This was an example of humiliation on a national level.

My hat is off to her.

Similarly, Tree House Academy was absolutely correct.

[Storm Bay]

Not cruel. I've done this--and yes, for the comment, not the gas. However, I do think that it's bad manners to fart at the table as the smell is usually gross. Sometimes, it just slips out, but less and less as they get older.

 

Here, not only do the males find flatulence funny, but I have a 10 yo dd who does, too. And, in her words, she "enjoys a good burp." Anyone's burp. And arm farts. She's had quite the sense of humour in many areas since she was a baby, and is a lot like Eloise in that book (or the movie, Eloise at the Plaza.) On the plus side, she's a great sport, and so far is the only one of my dc who has mastered losing a game with a good attitude (not just covering up a bad one.)

[VanessaS]

Not cruel. Punishment should be swift and should fit the crime. But I had to laugh at your post.

[3lilreds in NC]

I have this same question. What if it is one of those that takes you unawares? No time to leave the table? Would an 'excuse me' work? The comment, though, I wouldn't appreciate at the table?

 

Janet

 

I'm just guessing here, but I bet if he'd simply excused himself politely, dinner would have gone on as normal. It was the comment that got him into trouble, not the gas.

[hornblower]

This might seem like a silly question, but what exactly to you expect your child to do if they must pass gas a the table? Do you expect them to get up and leave them table each time? Must the ask if they may be excused? Honest curiosity here.

 

My kids don't need permission to leave the table (just say excuse me & get up) & yes they are expected to leave the table & go to the bathroom if they're having any GI issues which make them unable to control this ... after the age of about 5 or 6 I think this should be under control.

 

I would not make a child eat in the bathroom. To me that is gross. Grosser than the offence really.

[swellmomma]

I tend to remind my kids to excuse themselves, I would have asked mine to leave the table until he found his manners again for the comment but not made him eat in the bathroom.

[SnowWhite]

I probably would have chosen the bedroom and not the bathroom. (I'm another germophobe who's shuddering over the eColi that could be floating around in the bathroom).

 

For a younger child, I would have sternly reminded of manners and had a practice session on how we excuse ourselves when rude bodily noises happen at the table. Since the ds is obviously old enough to be well aware of what was expected from him, I think the consequence wasn't too cruel, just disagree with the setting.

[CLHCO]

:smilielol5:

 

Come on. After a certain age one can learn easily the difference between discretely passing gas if you must (and cannot excuse yourself), and being as loud as you can be to be funny. Having met some 9 year old boys, I'm going to just assume it's the latter in this case, punctuated with a comment. I'll also assume it's not the first time this or another child has done things like this at a dinner table.

 

I do not have a house full of boys, I have a son surrounded by sisters, but I would sooo use that if I had to fend off such behaviors. The ladies do NOT appreciate it and one would assume they may someday have wives who won't either. There is a place for boys to be boys, but I would agree it would not be at my dinner table.

 

For what it's worth, most studies show there are less dangerous germs in the average bathroom than in the average kitchen sink. It's just a perception of gross more than anything.

 

Brava.

Edited March 15, 2009 by CLHCO

[Guest janainaz]

That is cracking me up. I would totally do that to my son! :lol:

[OnTheBrink]

I'm with Cheryl and pqr. There's a difference between passing gas and excusing yourself and ripping a loud stinky one and then laughing it off.

 

And, as far as humiliation goes, well, I bet he remembers next time that his potty actions will land him back in the potty room.

[HollyinNNV]

I think the punishment fit the crime. Good job, mom.

 

We recently instituted a punishment for the same "crime." So, when my son goes running from the table yelling, "brown alert, brown alert...."

 

Holly

[wide eyes & laughter]

 

 

So what if he were humiliated, that is also part of life.

 

Getting a failing grade on a test, when you could have done better, is humiliating; coming last in a race, when you could have run faster, is humiliating. Being punished for acting like a Neanderthal at the table is humiliating.... so what?

 

All punishments have an aspect of humiliation.

 

I simply do not understand what your point is.

 

A prime example of humiliation being a most useful tool for parenting as demonstrated in the news article about a mother who made her son stand on a street corner wearing a sign around his neck stating that he had used drugs. This was an example of humiliation on a national level.

 

My hat is off to her.

 

Similarly, Tree House Academy was absolutely correct.

 

Humiliation which comes from "life" is very different than coming from within the family setting, where it is to be a safe learning environment. Though I would -- and have -- handled similar situation differently, the OP said her ds was not humiliated. Personally, I'm glad that's the case.

 

pqr, you and I obviouisly have different views on this. I would never tip my hat to someone who wants to publicly humiliate her son. Ever. Drug addiction/usage makes enough of a fool out of a person. There are other, more effective, ways of dealing with an offense like this. That son needed help. What kind of *help* is that?

 

Further, in stating my opinion here, I did not sign up to be badgered or ridiculed. I don't go for that either. I'm OK that you & I disagree.... Are you?

[Michelle T]

Both DS and DH would do what you describe, and often do. I think it's incredibly gross, but they just laugh. Of course, they both control themselves if around other people.

Michelle T

[chaik76]

All of my boys have gone through the 'farts are funny' stage. I didn't really react--just explained that everyone has gas, and that it's polite to say "Excuse me" after passing gas around others.

Eek! We don't make a big deal of it...but everyone in our house knows that if you have to pass gas...you better be doing it in the bathroom!

[pqr]

Humiliation which comes from "life" is very different than coming from within the family setting, where it is to be a safe learning environment. Though I would -- and have -- handled similar situation differently, the OP said her ds was not humiliated. Personally, I'm glad that's the case.

 

pqr, you and I obviouisly have different views on this. I would never tip my hat to someone who wants to publicly humiliate her son. Ever. Drug addiction/usage makes enough of a fool out of a person. There are other, more effective, ways of dealing with an offense like this. That son needed help. What kind of *help* is that?

 

Further, in stating my opinion here, I did not sign up to be badgered or ridiculed. I don't go for that either. I'm OK that you & I disagree.... Are you?

 

 

If you feel that I was ridiculing you then we have a very different definition of the term. That we disagree is fine. This board is where we, as parents, can air our opinions.

 

It would seem that my methods create a "safe learning environment" where my children can learn about "life." The woman with the son who used drugs did the same. (After a google search it appears that I was wrong the woman made her son wear a sign for getting bad grades, it was a man who made his son wear a sign for drug use, both are to be applauded)

 

http://www.wbaltv.com/news/3984457/detail.html

http://www.firstcoastnews.com/news/strange/news-article.aspx?storyid=80465

(Moderator I am making tha assumption that as these are not political sites the links are allowed)

 

To live and operate in this world one needs a tough skin....I am raising my children to have one.

Edited March 15, 2009 by pqr

[Remudamom]

Well I think you're brilliant. As for them leaving the room, passing gas and returning to the table....at our house this seems to be just as hysterical as NOT leaving the room. I can't win.

[newlifemom]

Well I think you're brilliant. As for them leaving the room, passing gas and returning to the table....at our house this seems to be just as hysterical as NOT leaving the room. I can't win.

 

 

Remudamom,

 

So nice to see a familiar avatar! :D

[unsinkable]

That is not the way I would have handled it.

 

I don't think you really care what anyone thinks, though b/c you put LOL in the subject line.

[Mommy22alyns]

I personally think it's funny. Quick and creative way to solve the issue. :lol:

[unsinkable]

Both DS and DH would do what you describe, and often do. I think it's incredibly gross, but they just laugh. Of course, they both control themselves if around other people.

Michelle T

 

So you send your dh and ds into the bathroom?

 

Or did you mean normal in the sense that they fart then comment about it?

[Miss Sherry]

This might seem like a silly question, but what exactly to you expect your child to do if they must pass gas a the table? Do you expect them to get up and leave them table each time? Must the ask if they may be excused? Honest curiosity here.

LOL Actually, I would appreciate it if my son would get up from the table and go in the bathroom and turn on the fan. He is 20 years old and still thinks it's hilarious if he stinks up the place.

[Ria]

I think my response would have been a little more severe. His meal would have ended then and there, he would have apologized, and then been sent to his room. There's NO WAY I'd ever put up with either the act (accidents happen, but I gather that this was deliberate), or the mouthiness that followed.

 

Ria

[Ann]

I was just thinking that I have something to look forward to. I am also outnumbered with the boys which includes the one I married and I am constantly told I don't understand it is a boy thing when it comes to bodily functions. I can understand why you did OP- I might never have thought to make them eat in there.

[dirty ethel rackham]

I think you are brilliant. In my book, that is a completely appropriate consequence. In my car, competition to create the smelliest gas would have resulted in immediate expulsion from the car. I have made my kids who misbehave in the car get out and do jumping jacks and pushups until they were ready to behave. This would also help the gassy person relieve themselves without punishing the rest of us.

 

Now sometimes, gas is passed accidentally. If the person is apologetic, then we are more understanding.

[dirty ethel rackham]

This might seem like a silly question, but what exactly to you expect your child to do if they must pass gas a the table? Do you expect them to get up and leave them table each time? Must the ask if they may be excused? Honest curiosity here.

 

We do encourage them to excuse themselves and leave the table. If they have so much that they are getting up several times, then they need to stay in the bathroom and get it out. My kids don't need to ask, they just say "excuse me, I'll be right back." We usually know where they are going. I just can't stand to have my meal ruined by that smell. I have taught my kids that it is rude to knowingly pass gas around others when it is possible to do it elsewhere. Of course, there are times when it just escapes and my kids are usually apologetic.

[Tree House Academy]

I'm just guessing here, but I bet if he'd simply excused himself politely, dinner would have gone on as normal. It was the comment that got him into trouble, not the gas.

 

Yes, absolutely! It was 100% for the comment he made after I gave him a look for passing gas at the table. The look was because he is 9 years old - 9 and a half really - and I do expect him to either say excuse me, or dismiss himself from the table. But no, LOL, I wasn't punishing him for a bodily function. Maybe I should have made that more clear in the first post. Sorry!

[Joanne]

The tags on this one crack me up. :lol::lol:

 

Look, I've got 2 boys and have had a dozen or so in my daycare. I expect fart/potty centered antics. I *do* draw the line at meal and eating settings (and sometimes around certain company. My xmil, for example, was particularly upset at that stuff and I'd expect the kids to be able to not go there in her company).

 

I do not see anything inherently *disrespectful* in the act except as it relates to violating known rules on your part.

 

I've used the "potty" location for "potty" mouth and behavior before. I can see making a dramatic, one time trek to the bathroom with his meal in order to establish a firm line on your reasonable rules.

[Reya]

Moments ago, my oldest son (who is 9.5 years old) was sitting at the table when he passed gas. I find this rude and gave him a look and he looked back at me and said, "Nothing like a good fart in the afternoon."

 

OMG! I told him to take his plate of food and eat in the bathroom. He looked at me like was a nut, but I just can not stand that type of 1. language, 2. disrespect, and 3. poor manners at the table while others are eating. He was morified as he took his plate and sat on the fluffy toilet seat cover to finish his meal off the counter top in the bathroom. UGH!

 

So...was that unusually cruel or something? It sure seemed fitting at the time!

 

Haha!

 

Not usually cruel, but, um, to be expected from a boy.

[*anj*]

 

I would not make a child eat in the bathroom. To me that is gross. Grosser than the offense really.

 

:iagree:

[Elaine]

 

I would not make a child eat in the bathroom. To me that is gross. Grosser than the offence really.

 

I completely agree. Ew.

[Heather in Neverland]

I LOVE IT! I think it was a great idea! That kind of behavior is not tolerated in my home. And yes, most of the time, you CAN keep from doing it until you get to another room. Dh and I have been together for 13 years and we have never passed gas in front of each other. I have two boys and neither of them are allowed to do that at the table. It is ill-mannered.