Nestof3 Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 Okay Could your husband? This has nothing to do with my husband, he loves for me to go out, take time for myself, etc. But, I have friends who have many children, and they always give me this look like I'm crazy if I suggest they come over for the day. They want to -- they'd love to, they confess, but they look at me like that will happen when hades freezes over. So, am I crazy for thinking these moms should get a day off here and there? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mamasteff Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 This totally made me laugh. I have come to a place of peace about it... Of course he can. He just doesn't take care of them the same way I would. When we had our foster kids, 3 under 3, I left him with them for almost a week while I had some me time with my mom and sisters. They ate peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for breakfast, lunch and dinner. The last two weeks I have been down with a bad back. He has fed out lovely daughters sandwiches for every meal. I think a lot of moms have a control issue and have almost "taught" their husbands not to bother, since they are going to do it "wrong" anyway. (Not sure if this is what your friends are feeling, but I have seen it with many other moms). Hey, if he is doing the caring for, I am not going to care how. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 Dh can and does a good job. He is a little more patient with a houseful of kids than I so, I have often come home to find 10 kids in our house. Crazy commotion, and he sits watching TV. LOL I have always worked opposite shifts from dh so he has to help out! I too have friends who won't leave the kids with anyone for even an hour or two, let alone the husband. I have friends who won't even leave their husband alone in the house for an hour or two...lest they want something. I can't imagine them leaving the kids with the dh! I guess everyone has their own path, blessings and struggles! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 My dh is very capable with the children, with the house, with cooking. . . I rarely leave them for long with him though - not because he can't do it but because he needs to study when he's home. If he does watch them he tends to take them for a long walk and then plugs them into a video so that he can study. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peek a Boo Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 Mamasteff has a valid point. My own dh is pretty good about watching all 5 kiddos all day -- or week-- if need be. He'd want a vacation or time alone ASAP tho ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 (edited) I wouldn't want to leave them with him all day so that I could go hang out at another Mom's house, unless her home were paradise. I just wouldn't consider that much of a break. I'd pretend I want to and would love to but "can't" and might use DH as an excuse. Is it possible that these women don't really want to leave? I wanted to edit this to add that as a Mom, I very very rarely feel any desire to "escape" from my children. When they were younger, I used to like taking the dog for long walks alone, which took a couple of hours. But while I think Moms (and Dads) should be able to get away when they want, it wasn't a strong drive for me. My very favorite thing was when DH would pack up the three of them and take them out for the day - to the park, to lunch, visiting friends. It allowed me to have a day alone in my own house, which was perfect for me. Edited January 5, 2009 by Danestress Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen in PA Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 When I first met my dh, he was a single dad, so I figured he knew just what to do with kids.... He had his (then 3 year old) son with him through the week, and got him up each morning, took him to work (at-work daycare), stopped to visit him throughout the day, and took him home each night...... What I did not realize was that most evenings they ate dinner at Grandma's house, that my future mil also loved helping with the bathtime routine, laundry, etc. Plus, dh had most weekends free to do all the sleeping in and getting chores done that kids make more difficult. Nearly a decade later, I'm trying to convince him that he could handle a weekend alone with our two (3 and 5), but I know that they would eat cereal and granola bars and watch tv for 48 hours straight if I really tried it. If it fell on a weekend that dss was visiting, that would be even better -- he keeps his younger siblings busy and happy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doran Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 I wouldn't want to leave them with him all day so that I could go hang out at another Mom's house, unless her home were paradise. I just wouldn't consider that much of a break. I'd pretend I want to and would love to but "can't" and might use DH as an excuse. Is it possible that these women don't really want to leave? Good point. While my husband can and does take care of our kids in whatever form is warranted (day, night, weekend, etc), I must admit that I only ask him to do so under specific circumstances. I have some regular (non-mandatory) groups with whom I meet, so that's one. Overnights or more that have particular importance, those too. And, if I asked him to be there so I could toodle off to a friend's house for the afternoon, he'd do that, too. I just don't generally ask. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rhonda in TX Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 And he has. I've gone out of town for several days many times over the years and DH has handled everything beautifully. I have friends whose DHs won't do it, but that's a completely different issue. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KJB Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 (edited) I wouldn't want to leave them with him all day so that I could go hang out at another Mom's house, unless her home were paradise. I just wouldn't consider that much of a break. I'd pretend I want to and would love to but "can't" and might use DH as an excuse.... I very very rarely feel any desire to "escape" from my children. This sums up exactly how I feel. Well put. I wanted to add: I've left dh alone with the children for a week and for a couple of weekends. I usually grocery shop alone with him home on weekends. He'd also stay home pretty much any time I asked, but I rarely ask. My dh works a lot and I enjoy spending his free time with *him* and not leaving him behind as caretaker of the kiddos. Edited January 5, 2009 by KJB Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Osmosis Mom Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 My kids are older now so if I run an errand (to get lonetime), then mostly dh would use one of the older kids as a kind of babysitter. Over the years then mostly he has proved that he could take care of the kids if he wanted to, but he prefers not to solely. He'll let them watch a late movie or a movie during the day etc. Basically spoil them and mostly forget the dishes!! I used to be uptight about how I expected things to look when I got back home, but over the years have gottent o the point that I just want to be able to enter the home wihtout seeing an immediate mess or chaotic kids. Other than that, then he can do as he pleases!! . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TraceyS/FL Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 Mine could, but won't, and will often cut short my plans because he can't STAND to be here that long. But his idea of "watching them" is to lay on the couch watching TV all day while they do their thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 This is a tough one. Just in the past 2 years or so have I really been able to do this more. We have 3 kids with special needs and then have had over 100 foster children so usually our home was a hopping place. Dh would watch the kids for short bits of time but in some foster care cases we just couldn't leave him and older ds home with the females without me there. In the past 2 years though I have done a lot more and gotten out a lot. I LOVE my children and dh but I also ENJOY my fellowship time with other women without the pressures of children---or even just their listening ears. Last spring I went to Ohio for 4 1/2 days to a horse expo and dh was home with the kids---and he even went and feed the horses twice a day at my friend's house (ours are there and she was with me). Then a few weeks later I spent 2 days at a resort with a single friend of mine. Last fall it was 3 days at a horse clinic. I also go out horse backing riding without the kids once in a while. Even though our kids are 20, 13 and 12, we can't leave them home alone together. 20ds can be home alone but the girls can't stay with him (too much conflict) and they can't be home alone either at this point. I do use respite though for them when dh can't watch them. I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to get away for a few hours and enjoy some fellowship with other women. I walk with friends 2-3 times a week and it is really nice to have the time to talk about adult matters without having kids sitting right there. I really appreciate that dh will take care of the house and kids so that I can get away some. I will be gone again in April for 4 1/2 days to the horse expo. He doesn't do things like I would--they eat junk food and go out a lot, but the kids remember the times with dad fondly and they won't be ruined for life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camibami Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 Well, I wouldn't be married to a man who *couldn't*, quite frankly. Nursing babes excepted, but even then- good grief! Its not, as my DH says, rocket surgery. And as for *wouldn't*, well, I also don't see me married to anyone like that. I can't imagine having an ounce of respect for a partner who, well, isn't. That said, I have a friend who wants me to come over and hang out all.the.time. And I just don't really want to. For a few hours, to do crafts together, okay. But it always morphs into "stay and watch this TV show/eat dinner/etc". And I just don't actually want to, because I will freely admit I am sometimes an anti-social introvert who just wants to go home and not talk to anyone.;) The kids are not my excuse exactly...oh heck, sometimes they are. Could that be it? Don't get me wrong, DH has a very different standard of "care", but there isn't anything *wrong* with it. They watch TV together, for hours and hours, which personally I don't really like, but I am not the only parent here, so DH gets to choose what they do sometimes, too. And yes, the house does get messy, but DH will always pick up in the evenings, so if I'm gone I try to stay gone until past bed-time to avoid walking into a mess.:D But as far as having a DH who actually *can't" or *won't* take primary kid-duty? I can't imagine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elm in NJ Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 Dh can. I have left him with all 4 kids before for 3 weeks when I went to my dad's funeral in Freetown and he did great. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Girls' Mom Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 Yep, and he does just as good a job as I do when I'm gone....just different. And he likes to spoil the kids at mealtime by letting them eat things that I don't usually let them eat. But, that's just him being a dad..lol! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 If I was still with the ex no I don't think he could(or even would). My own parents can not handle more than 3 of them for 2 hours. Even if I has a spouse who could or would, I wouldn't take off for the day to hang out at another mom's house, though I would to meet up with her for shopping, lunch, spa, sitting in chapters etc, just not her home because that wouldn't be a break/escape for me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renee in NC Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 Yes, absolutely. I've done it, for that matter. They may not eat what I would feed them, he may let them watch TV all day, etc. but who cares?!?!?! He's very involved - more so than seems to be the norm. He is more likely than I to take 2-4 of them with him when he goes somewhere. When we are home, there are usually 2-3 on him, in his lap, etc. He would prefer me to take babies with me, but he can take care of them as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chiguirre Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 Dh can handle a day with the kids and he's even brave enough to take all 3 of them to the movies. Our oldest is generally on his best behavior for dh, but the possibility of both boys having a simultaneous meltdown scares me too much to attempt this. OTOH, I usually come home to a disaster zone. I know they had fun making the mess (dh included :glare:) but the clean up is a bummer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lulubelle Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 My husband wants me to take more than one weekend away a year to get more time with the kids. He loves it. Now it's just a matter of planning it! Other than that the best thing that just happen lately is I just joined the gym. And, saturday morning is my longest time to go to the gym - take a long workout of beating myself up, which I love, then a shower there and then off to do some errands! This past saturday I actually bought myself some new workout clothes! It has been great! I leave the house just after 8 am and am not back till about Noon. It's like a spa treatment. I have a friend with 4 kids who feels guilty leaving her kids with her husband for too long. It is very tough to get together with her alone. I really don't understand the guilt thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tess in the Burbs Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 I think the dad should be able to fend for himself and the kids. not only for the mom's sake of sanity in getting out, but in case the worse happens! A dad will do things differently(if not shown how you want, lol) but he should be able to run the house for a day. or even a weekend! I admit mine could do it but the first time I flew out of state my kids were 3 and 4.5 years old. I was scared to death. and dang if both didn't start vomiting the moment my plane hit the ground. and there is the church camping trip where he was to go one weekend I was gone scrapbooking.....they got to the campground with tent in hand. and nothing else. no food. (and he forgot to feed them lunch) no change of clothes. no diapers for night. Luckily it was a church trip and I called a friend and begged her to bring my kids to her table for every meal, lol. so it's not always been the best situation. but he learned. and I learned. He doesn't do this every day. He doesn't know their routines. and he doesn't think of all the details. so now I have to provide a list. an itenerary if they need to get somewhere. time/place/directions if needed. what clothes they need for that event and what else is needed(like snacks if a long thing). he appreciates not looking like the dumb dad who went camping with no food or clothes ;) even if gone for the day I will leave lunch ideas/snack ideas/play ideas. it's not his daily routine and he personally likes being informed in this way. and I feel better leaving it. that said, I have gone out of town for 3 nights/4 FULL days and they all survived. there was some crying. and no one ate the same. or slept the same. but they learned daddy can be in charge and I think it brings a greater respect!!! oh, and the time he had to vomiting kids? He learned that putting them together is easier than running back and forth :lol: and he learned to call the pediatrician office. :) he came to appreciate everything I do. and then some, lol. so yes, my dh can care for the kids if I am not home. yes, they can do a long weekend. and I truly think if the worst happened the kids and he would eat, dress and survive. the bill collectors may show up,lol, but they would survive day to day life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blessedfamily Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 (edited) He can take care of the kids for a day. It's the house that would be "not so tidy" when I got back. My kids are small. That makes a difference in how many toys I would expect to be scattered across the family room floor. I can live with it. Edited January 5, 2009 by Blessedfamily Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 Yes, he can, does and will. My dh is like a big kid and he loves being a dad so spending time alone with ds is a treat. I have to watch out though, one time I went out of town for the weekend and they killed my microwave. They left it on too long while wrestling. Last weekend I was here but they killed my addding machine while trying out a bunch of power adaptors. So yes, I can leave them alone but with specific rules about what they can and can not do. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emmy Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 Yep, my dh could watch our kids for the day and he does for 2 days every year when I go to an annual Mommy conference (Hearts at Home). He has watched them for a day when I go to scrapbook crops occasionally (only once in the last year) too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plucky Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 (edited) Yes, my dh takes the kids away for whole weekends camping (in the rain) so I can have time off. He can get more done than I can with kids around. He can steam clean all the carpets in the house while taking care of a 2,4, 5, & 8 year old. They were still alive and happy when I got home. Edited January 5, 2009 by True Blue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tree House Academy Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 Absolutely...now, give him the dog too and the house will totally go to heck in a handbasket. :) He does not do what I would do - i.e. he sends my youngest son to bed in fleece pjs on a summer night, he thinks a nice serving of Pineapple chunks is dinner, what is the real need for a BATH before bed??? LOL I am serious about the dog, though. If I leave, the dog goes a bit crazy. Dh can't handle the dog and once made him sleep in the garage while I was gone. The dog howled all night long and pooped everywhere. Now, if I am gone overnight, the dog goes to a kennel where he has a MUCH better experience. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kalypso Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 My dh is great with handling the kids without me. He has to be since we have 6. He is also great about loading the 5 older ones up and taking them all out for the day to give me some time to get lesson plans done or to just have some quiet time. He also plans camping trips and takes them all on his own. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WTMindy Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 Absolutely!! He always has done great with this. The house would be cleaner and the kids would be studying calculus or something. Seriously, he would have been an amazing stay-at-home-mom!! :-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CalicoKat Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 This totally made me laugh. I have come to a place of peace about it... Of course he can. He just doesn't take care of them the same way I would. When we had our foster kids, 3 under 3, I left him with them for almost a week while I had some me time with my mom and sisters. They ate peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for breakfast, lunch and dinner. The last two weeks I have been down with a bad back. He has fed out lovely daughters sandwiches for every meal. I think a lot of moms have a control issue and have almost "taught" their husbands not to bother, since they are going to do it "wrong" anyway. (Not sure if this is what your friends are feeling, but I have seen it with many other moms). Hey, if he is doing the caring for, I am not going to care how. :iagree: let the man do it his way, you do. :) As long as they're safe. That's the bottom line. Everything else is preference. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jami Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 If they're primarily going to be at home he can handle things, no problem. He'd rather not take them out a whole lot though (nor would I honestly). But I went to a conference this past summer for 3 days and he did a great job. Probably better than I do when he's gone and I don't get a break in the evenings. Though he's better at tuning out a lot of things that irritate me. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 It's interesting to me how many women say they would come home to a wreck. If I have some time off, DH really tries to let me come back to something tidy and relaxing - not to a big cleaning job. But he probably will take us out to dinner that night, because while he is capable of cooking, he generally chooses not to! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renee in NC Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 It's interesting to me how many women say they would come home to a wreck. If I have some time off, DH really tries to let me come back to something tidy and relaxing - not to a big cleaning job. But he probably will take us out to dinner that night, because while he is capable of cooking, he generally chooses not to! My dh is MUCH better at getting the dc to clean up, so my house would probably be cleaner when I got home than when I left. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nukeswife Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 I definitely can, but with my husband in the job he is, if I couldn't handle it all this family would go to pot during deployments. My dh can handle things when I go out for the day and does a great job, but usually when all is said and done, one of the kids complains because "Dad didn't do it like you mom" LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 I do leave my kids with dh, he is wonderful with them. I gotta say, :iagree: here though. I wouldn't want to leave them with him all day so that I could go hang out at another Mom's house, unless her home were paradise. I just wouldn't consider that much of a break. I'd pretend I want to and would love to but "can't" and might use DH as an excuse. Is it possible that these women don't really want to leave? I wanted to edit this to add that as a Mom, I very very rarely feel any desire to "escape" from my children. When they were younger, I used to like taking the dog for long walks alone, which took a couple of hours. But while I think Moms (and Dads) should be able to get away when they want, it wasn't a strong drive for me. My very favorite thing was when DH would pack up the three of them and take them out for the day - to the park, to lunch, visiting friends. It allowed me to have a day alone in my own house, which was perfect for me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just Me Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 My dh can, and does on a regular basis. My b-i-l, on the other hand, has said for years that he will not 'babysit' his children. His wife wanted kids, so she can stay with them. Makes me crazy! But it makes me appreciate me dh even more! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momofkhm Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 I think he does a better job than I do! Except he never folds the laundry. He doesn't let the kids get away with not cleaning up after themselves. Of course he only has to do it for short time periods. I've left him for the weekend (Friday afternoon to Sunday afternoon). Of course I have a friend at church who doesn't trust her dh with their kids. All b/c their middle ds broke his nose while she was in a meeting at church. The dh was on the playground with the kids. I maintain that ds would still have broken the nose even if she'd been there! Ok, that's not the only reason, but that's the one that comes up. With her I really think it's a control issue. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TammyinTN Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 My hubby has done an awesome job with all the children and being alone. He's a great cook, cleaner and fixer all of things.:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Once Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 My dh can, and does on a regular basis. My b-i-l, on the other hand, has said for years that he will not 'babysit' his children. His wife wanted kids, so she can stay with them. Makes me crazy! But it makes me appreciate me dh even more! Yes, I have a relative like this. When his mother said he was going to "babysit" the kids this weekend, my dh and I looked at each other in astonishment. He actually had his mother come over to help.:confused: However, my dh has never cared for our three kids long term/over night. Mostly due to nursing kids and sleeping habits. We are getting closer to that as an option and both look forward to it. My dh will look after the kids for several hours, reading to them, cleaning up supper dishes, throwing on a load of laundry and such. Sometimes he can be a bit of a work horse and the kids complain when I get home but for the most part it is just him getting them to tow the line. It took him several years to build up the confidence to do this, again, mostly due to a nursing baby. But as they get older and our routines get clearer he can manage better without me. I think a father matures just the same way a mother does and mothers can hinder that by their lack of trust and encouragement. I was lucky, I was always looking for a stress relief break and he was the only one to fill my shoes. He fills then nicely now after 9 years. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pretty in Pink Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 Sure, my dh can, will, and does. He doesn't mind. He enjoys hanging out with the kids and I appreciate the break. I get away once every few weeks for a Saturday afternoon, though I would probably not go just to hang out at a friend's house. I can't imagine that would be relaxing. I'd rather go out for coffee, go antiquing, get our hair cut, go for pedicures, even just browse the bookstore alone. I have encountered both husbands who refuse to be left alone with their children (which completely baffles me) and mothers who just don't want to leave their children for any amount of time or for any reason. I see both positions as extremes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nestof3 Posted January 5, 2009 Author Share Posted January 5, 2009 Is it possible that these women don't really want to leave? I wanted to edit this to add that as a Mom, I very very rarely feel any desire to "escape" from my children. Based on the conversations -- no, this isn't the case. Trust me on this one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joannqn Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 Mine takes care of the older two kids for four days twice a year when I go out of town for a retreat. He feeds them three times a day which includes a cooked dinner. I leave them with school work that they can do without his help and teach any new concepts before I leave. This isn't because he can't or won't do it, it is to preserve my kids' sanity. He has the ability to reduce them to tears every time he teaches. He keeps the house picked up (ie. makes the kids do it) and washes the dishes. He does not, however, sweep, mop, vacuum, dust, or do laundry. He does take the kids out for fun while I'm gone, usually to the park. He has taken the kids shopping for a birthday party and taken them to the party as well. The youngest one goes with me because he is still nursing. He'll get all three of them in April for the first time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NicksMama-Zack's Mama Too Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 My dh can, and does on a regular basis. My b-i-l, on the other hand, has said for years that he will not 'babysit' his children. His wife wanted kids, so she can stay with them. Makes me crazy! But it makes me appreciate me dh even more! What's worse is that she lives next door to her in-laws and they don't even come over to watch them for a few minutes. When one of her kids was in the ER with a broken arm, she dropped her remaining kids over at my house (5 miles away)!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 and is glad to do it while I go out once in a while. about once every other month or even every month sometimes, I go out with my girlfriends for conversation, a glass of wine, and dessert. then there's homeschooling stuff I might do, like a meeting or something. dh probably wouldn't care if I did it more, I just don't feel a need to do it more and our finances are too tight to accomodate me even if I did. we have company over all the time though. the kids play, the parents chat or play cards or whatever. maybe your friends are interested in getting together, but would prefer to do it during the day so they don't have to miss time with their dh? so many dh's are working extra hard to bring home the bacon these days that many wives are finding that they need to make time with dh a bigger deal than before because he's just not home as much as he used to be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 What's worse is that she lives next door to her in-laws and they don't even come over to watch them for a few minutes. When one of her kids was in the ER with a broken arm' date=' she dropped her remaining kids over at my house (5 miles away)!![/quote'] my dh is an only child and even when we lived less than 20 minutes away from his parents, I had to rely on friends anywhere from 30 - 40 mintues away if I needed help with the kids. it's always been that way. they say there's a reason they had one kid and they aren't interested in helping with grandkids. it's their very sad loss, imnsho. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LisaKinVA Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 Yep, and he does just as good a job as I do when I'm gone....just different. And he likes to spoil the kids at mealtime by letting them eat things that I don't usually let them eat. But, that's just him being a dad..lol! Made me think of this chant, "Daddy's Great, he gives us chocolate cake!":D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 Dh has and is very capable. In some ways, he is a better "mom" me. He is better at running the household and is less likely to get sidetracked. I have left for conferences for several days and did not have a moment's worry. I never left nurslings for more than 12 hours, but since I am done with that, I don't worry. I probably would not just leave my kids to just hang out with someone, but I do feel the need to get out without them. I need adult time (and I don't get much with dh - he's not into this interpersonal connecting that women seem to need:(). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Hen Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 LOL!! I do understand, that is having women-friends who wouldn't thiink of leaving their kids alone with DH cause he just can't do it. LOL!! I learned very early on that DH was quite capable of being DAD and maybe these women, like several of my friends just never had the experience where they learned to trust DH to be DAD. When my baby was just a baby---3m old, I had to go on a 5 day business trip to France. And I was nursing him at the time. Talk about logistics of that! DH took care of the baby, got him to day care on the 3 days/week that he worked (that's why I was still working!), and I did not worry about how DH would do things. I missed my baby terrible but it was either go and trust DH to do everything for DS or ..... There weren't any grandparents or aunts that came in and helped, or could have helped DH either. Carole Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blessedfamily Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 It's interesting to me how many women say they would come home to a wreck. If I have some time off, DH really tries to let me come back to something tidy and relaxing - not to a big cleaning job. But he probably will take us out to dinner that night, because while he is capable of cooking, he generally chooses not to! My dh is MUCH better at getting the dc to clean up, so my house would probably be cleaner when I got home than when I left. :001_smile: My dh is stronger on cooking(I hate it) so he'd have a better meal than me, but not as clean. I keep the house cleaner, but the cooking???.. My dd5 says she loves me "even though our lunches are always terrible." Anyway, between us, we work it so the house is clean and the kids don't have food poisoning.:001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dragons in the flower bed Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 For a week? Yeah, with training. :) He doesn't know our bedtime routine. He'd need to learn it. We've discussed switching roles and even had practice drills, and it takes him about a week of watching (usually he's working) before he learns the bedtime routine, which kids need to be negotiated with regarding vegetables, that needing to go to the bathroom again is a ruse the 3yo uses to avoid sleeping, etc. Like any other job it takes a while to figure it out. But, for just a day? That's a horse of a different color. The children would be overindulged. Daddy-all-day happens so rarely that when it does he overcompensates by letting them eat junk food and bend minor rules. They'd probably be fine, just a little jittery, possibly bruised from their own schenanigans. The house would not survive it. I tend to re-direct the children into activities when they get hyper. He only steps in if they're in danger. The result of children playing at the speed of light is toys scattered everywhere. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 To answer your question, my DH can and has taken care of the house, kids, dogs and other pets for more than a day "solo". He raised 4 boys in an excellent co-parenting arrangement, was fully a part of homemaking/childcare when he has married to their mom. My xh could not have taken care of the kids solo, especially when they were younger. Even short time away on my part resulted in...issues. So, am I crazy for thinking these moms should get a day off here and there? I'm of the belief that many moms (often homeschooling and/or attachment parenting types) make an idol of "family time" to the point of unhealth. That said, a day "off" for me would not include being around someone else's children. That would be another "on" day. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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