Is this scary to you

[math teacher]

Scarlett, I would be creeped out for sure if this were happening at my parent's house or mine! Let us know what Ring turns up.

[Starr]

I wouldn’t assume the worst. Put up an automatic light and a camera. 

[ScoutTN]

Concerning, worthy of some attention. Not scary, but it could turn into that.

[BusyMom5]

I would be very concerned, too.  I would call the local PD non-emergency number and explain the situation.  

[Melanie32]

Yes. 

[pinball]

15 hours ago, Scarlett said:

We live in a small town. My parents live at the edge of town in a small neighborhood (2 streets- 7 occupied homes total) that dead ends on both of the streets. Beyond the dead end is some woods, some pasture land.  They know all of their neighbors no red flags with any of them. 
But for a couple of months someone has been going through their trash can that is right up next to their attached garage and house.
 

They are obviously looking for food (several containers of food have been taken out and the food gone but container left behind). My dad keeps a big rock on top of the trash can lid and it is always replaced. My dad is now noticing that the trash bags are sliced open and pilfered through. 
 

I am sure it is a hungry homeless person. There is an abandoned trailer across the street and I fear a homeless person is living there.  I am frankly scared that something dangerous could happen to my elderly parents. My mom thinks I am ridiculous and she is more concerned about someone getting sick from food in the garbage than she is someone harming them . 

They have cameras but this trash can sits outside of any view. Dh installed a ring camera today that will pick up the trash can. 
 

I can’t seem to get my mom to comprehend that homeless people are often addicts, mentally ill or both and they are desperate. Desperate enough to eat out of the trash. To me it is scary. 
 

What do you think? 

I’m not going to weigh in on the “scary” aspect…

But in the United States, going on private property w/o permission is illegal. Also, if the garbage cans are NOT out by the street or road where garbage is collected, it is not legal for anyone to go onto private property and take stuff from them.

The cans and contents are still in your possession and haven’t been moved to where garbage cans are picked up. Once they are put by side of road on garbage pick up day, that changes and people can go through it and take whatever.

Imagine if something valuable was accidentally thrown out, like cash or a gift card, etc…but the garbage cans haven’t been put by the street. That is still your money, gift card, etc…and someone can’t just go onto your property and take it. People have incidents where they inadvertently throw something out and have to go thru the garbage to get it. It doesn’t belong to whomever walks up to your house and finds it in your can.

Or what if you a put a shopping bag on top of the can, say you just got back from a Walmart or Walgreens run and you put the bag there and forget it for whatever reason. Someone can’t just walk onto your property and take it and say they thought it was garbage bc it was on the can.

But if the cans are by the street and you put an extra bag of garbage on top bc the cans are full, someone can go thru it.

[Catwoman]

9 hours ago, Rosie_0801 said:

Our perceptions haven't necessarily anything to do with other people's intentions. 
Is the big, scary tattooed guy actually doing anything to intimidate me? Or is he just buying apples in the same aisle I am?
Are the scary, Muslim taxi drivers really out to get old ladies or are they just taxi drivers? (Who weren't even Muslim, as it happens.)
Are the rowdy youths at the corner shop really a threat to women and small children? Or are they the older siblings of the kids you send me to school with?

I agree that our initial impressions can be entirely wrong, but I do think there's a big difference between encounters with strangers in public places and having strangers go through things on your private property right next to your house at night. I wouldn't be comfortable with any stranger, no matter what they looked like, lurking around on my property next to my house at night. 

Wouldn't they be concerned that the guy is close enough that he could also be peeping into their windows (or their kids' bedroom windows) --  would that be ok with people, too? Aren't people at all concerned that having a stranger next to the house at night could harm them or their children if they happened to go outside while the guy was out there in the dark? What about letting the dog out at night to do his business? Aren't people concerned that the stranger could harm their dog -- or that their dog could harm the stranger? 

I have to admit that I am surprised at how many people would be fine with it. And it also surprises me that people would start leaving meals out for the trespasser, because that's just encouraging the person to show up every night, and possibly start bringing friends along with him. Will menus be involved? Will questions be asked about food sensitivities and whether or not the guy likes fries or chips with his sandwiches? 😉 

I have so many questions. 

Edited September 22 by Catwoman
I can't type!

[MEmama]

11 hours ago, Scarlett said:

Well that sounds all warm and fuzzy but facts are homeless people are desperate and desperate people do desperate things . 

What's warm and fuzzy about helping people in need? Doesn't your religion preach that as a primary tenet? 

[Catwoman]

@Scarlett -- did the Ring camera show anything last night?

I hope the camera was a deterrent.

[SKL]

I do think this is theoretical in many people's minds, and that if this was actually happening right under their window in the dark, they would feel differently.

I don't have any concerns about people garbage-picking off our treelawn (this happens here every week) or digging in the city garbage cans (regular daily occurrance).

Besides the fact that everyone knows it's not OK to go trespass on other people's lawns in the night, the dark and the remoteness of the location means that if the person did decide to bust or sneak into the house, he probably would not be detected until it was too late.

I would also note if someone will go steal things off of private property in the night, it may not stop with the garbage.  People will steal things around and attached to the house, even including siding, pipes, air conditioning units, etc., if they think nobody is going to do anything about it.

It's great to have a soft heart and assume the best about everyone.  But it's also good to be aware of possible risks and not invite these on your remote property at night.

Edited September 22 by SKL

[prairiewindmomma]

No, it wouldnt scare me at all. This is something we deal with regularly. We keep the can somewhere protected until the night we set trash out, and dont put anything in the trash that would be a problem (ie we shred our mail to protect from identity theft). We have a variety of overlapping cameras and other things going so we know who is on and around our property. They are a visible deterrant in addition to being functional.

If I suspected someone was looking for food, I also would set out food and water, a map to the nearest free food libraries, and if I suspected someone was old, struggling or had kids I would call non-emergency so that they can send the social work team over to make sure they knew about services in our area. 
 

Houseless persons are a part of my everyday life. I have a lot of compassion for them. 

[Spryte]

Not scary to me, but I would be more aware. I do think this sounds different from someone picking through trash bags at the street, since they are coming onto private property, and also — this sounds unusual for the area so that would give me pause.

Also, being totally honest, I’d probably be more inclined to caution with my elderly parents there, on a property that is fairly secluded. Especially with your (friend?) history coloring your thoughts, I understand the fear you’re feeling. 

My first thought is to feed people, since someone is obviously hungry, but because of elderly parents and your personal history which impacts your feelings — I’d go with checking the camera and installing a motion light, to start, and go from there.

[rebcoola]

Not being scared isn't the same as not as not being concerned my biggest "fear" by far would be my 100lb not friendly to stranger dog getting out and hurting somrone.  But I grew up in a very dangerous area that people on this board have said they would never live in and things like my car being rifled through nightly were normal and it was better to leave it unlocked and empty so they didn't break the windows than to lock it. 

[Annie G]

11 hours ago, Scarlett said:

I am surprised at how many people who would not be afraid. 

For me, I think the issue might be how I define scary. A road rage incident where a gun is pointed or someone is run off the road is scary to me. But someone going through the trash isn’t scary because I wouldn’t feel threatened. I’d be concerned, but not scared.  
Have you thought about adding a sign to the trash can that says no trespassing or keep out? It would alert the person that their actions have been noticed and maybe they’ll stop. 

[Clarita]

1 hour ago, Catwoman said:

I have to admit that I am surprised at how many people would be fine with it. And it also surprises me that people would start leaving meals out for the trespasser, because that's just encouraging the person to show up every night, and possibly start bringing friends along with him. Will menus be involved? Will questions be asked about food sensitivities and whether or not the guy likes fries or chips with his sandwiches? 😉 

Honestly part of the reason of leaving food out is to make sure that's all this person wants. Since there are more sinister reasons for a person to rifle through trash (identity theft). The other thing is the most concerning thing is that someone is trespassing onto your property to get to the cans. You do want that part to stop because, then you get accustomed to hearing this noise and might be ignorant the suspicious activity when it's someone else who isn't just on your property for trash,

Also leaving food out doesn't encourage bringing friends because when it happens on the regular you realize most of them don't want food. Free food is available, someone rifling through trash just needs help getting to the legitimate free food.  That hypothetical bad homeless person definitely doesn't want free food. 

Lastly, there isn't a lot you can do about it legal or not. Legality only matters if the police are going to enforce which means they have to have the time to enforce, and something permanent to do to keep that person from doing it again, otherwise the person can keep coming back.  

In terms of garbage rifling being some sort of gateway crime... People who are going to steal from you are just going to steal from you, not go through your trash for food first. 

[wintermom]

Why are there so many garbage cans outside the houses with food? Keep them indoors until garbage day. Lock car doors (and don't leave valuables in the car), lock garage doors, back doors and gates. Keep the property well lit. Cameras and security signage. Perhaps have 'dog barking' noise at night  triggered. Just smart behaviour IME no matter where you live. Keeping the community police informed about this behaviour would be useful as well. 

I would not be 'scared' because I live this nightly. People walk by and check car doors at any given night. It's all opportunistic behaviour. If there is nothing for the person to grab easily it should reduce occurance. Hopefully the behaviour won't escalate.

 

Edited September 22 by wintermom

[SKL]

12 minutes ago, wintermom said:

Why are there so many garbage cans outside the houses with food? Keep them indoors until garbage day.

I used to keep ours in the garage, but the city keeps issuing bigger and bigger bins that we are required to use.  They don't fit in the garage along with the car(s).  I gave up.

We also have a rule that the bins are not supposed to be visible from the street (except on garbage day).  I've ignored this rule so far.  😛

[teachermom2834]

When we had this issue right up next to our house it was when we didn’t have a garage or out building so our cans were outside right up next to our bedroom wall. We didn’t have a lot of property to have them somewhere further from our home. We had a family so we didn’t keep a week’s refuse inside our home until garbage day. That would be a lot. ??? 
 

Out next home had a garage so the garbage stayed there until the night before pickup and then it was out by the road so not so offensive when people went through it. We now have a garage but our garbage is still outside our house on a concrete pad outside our garage that holds our large garbage and recycling bins. Out neighborhood sits at the top of a steep hill and it is unlikely someone would wander through on foot and go through garbage cans. If it was a problem we’d pull it into the garage. 
 

But not all houses have garages or somewhere inside to store waste until garbage day. 

[Scarlett]

5 hours ago, MEmama said:

What's warm and fuzzy about helping people in need? Doesn't your religion preach that as a primary tenet? 

Helping people in need doesn’t mean ignore your own safety. My parents do a LOT for people.  

[Scarlett]

5 hours ago, Catwoman said:

@Scarlett -- did the Ring camera show anything last night?

I hope the camera was a deterrent.

Nope, nothing. 

[MEmama]

16 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

Helping people in need doesn’t mean ignore your own safety. My parents do a LOT for people.  

Sure but it's not been a safety issue, right? 
 

adding, it's totally whatever. You asked if others would be "scared", most people said no. You clearly are, so do what you need to do 🤷‍♀️

Edited September 22 by MEmama

[HomeAgain]

30 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

Helping people in need doesn’t mean ignore your own safety. My parents do a LOT for people.  

Right.  Jesus said only help people who make you feel safe and comfortable doing it.  This is the way.  Learn from his example.

If someone was digging through my trash for food, I'd leave food in a separate secured container next to it.  I'd put up a camera to see who it was to see if I could better help them.

I wouldn't be scared.  Desperation is a terrible thing, and nobody needs to be eating my chicken scraps when I have an abundance.

 

Adding: this thread is why it is so laughable that Christians are held up as a paragon of ethics and morals.  Athiestic morality seems to be doing just fine in leading our principles here.

Edited September 22 by HomeAgain

[SKL]

19 minutes ago, HomeAgain said:

Adding: this thread is why it is so laughable that Christians are held up as a paragon of ethics and morals.  Athiestic morality seems to be doing just fine in leading our principles here.

How very kind and superior of you to insult all of us.

We all have ideas for how to help homeless people without them digging through our property or leaving out food that will draw numerous raccoons / rats long before the sweet harmless homeless guy wanders over.

You have no idea how much each of us does for people in need.

You really think it's more Christian to knowingly risk danger so someone can get his meals from our property at night instead of using established distribution methods?  Is there an even better place in heaven if we leave all our doors open, spread money on the lawn, and lay our bodies in the middle of it too?

[SKL]

30 minutes ago, HomeAgain said:

Right.  Jesus said only help people who make you feel safe and comfortable doing it.  This is the way.  Learn from his example.

This is so offensive.  Scarlett is concerned for her elderly parents' safety.

Edited September 22 by SKL

[sweet2ndchance]

Scary? No, I wouldn't find it scary. Unless I had just watched "Kiss the Girls" or something similar. Then I might be creeped out but not scared.

Where I live it is much more likely to be an animal than a human though. So we don't put much food waste in the garbage lest we want garbage strewn all over the place. We have a compost pile for most food waste and then the dogs usually get what can't go in the compost pile. If it can't go in the compost pile and would make the dogs sick, then it goes in the trash. Usually double wrapped to try and keep the dogs and other animals from digging out and eating it anyways.

Equating desperation with addiction and drug use makes me sad. We are poor by most people's standards and definitely by comparison with most people on this board. Dh and I are smart, educated and, on paper, look like we should be successful in life (if by success we mean we should be living a middle class life). But we are not successful in life by most people's standard. If not for the kindness of others and yes, I have picked though trash for things but not for food thankfully, we would be much worse off. I am neither an addict nor a druggie and neither is dh. We simply have had a rougher life than most in many ways. Some of it circumstances beyond our control and other parts of it just plain bad luck. I've had to grow a thick skin though because assumptions like these of the poor and destitute are not uncommon. Sometimes desperation just means you do what you have to do to get by including sometimes enduring the judgement of others.

I am glad that so many people would help and withhold any judgement. 🙂 

Edited September 22 by sweet2ndchance
didn't finish my thought

[wintermom]

@Scarlett You could suggest to your parents to avoid putting food in the garbage. Compost what they can, and store non-compostable food in the freezer (we have 'green bins' for all food waste and store food in the freezer until collection day). They can also move their bins so that they are visible on their security cameras, if possible. Perhaps buildbuy a locking structure for their bins. They shouldn't feel unsafe in their own home.

If it's a small town, I imagine that someone knows what's going on with the people in the trailer parked nearby. If these people need help in terms of food, then wouldn't it be nicer for them to have access to food that hasn't been in a garbage. Perhaps dropping off gift cards for grocery stores would be helpful for them.

[Clemsondana]

My first reaction was that I wouldn't be scared by this.  I also live in a place where houses are far-ish apart (definitely too far to hear a window break or a scream, as opposed to when I lived in a city neighborhood and could hear my neighbor's music and alarm clock) and the large wheeled cans are kept outside because they are large and wouldn't fit in the garage if the cars are inside.  Trash is picked up weekly, and the cans are big enough to hold a lot. 

But, when I think about it, if I looked out the window at night and saw somebody outside, I would be scared.  There is no legitimate reason for somebody to be by my house in the middle of the night, so I'd be worried about what they'd want.  I absolutely wouldn't care if somebody wanted food and would happily give it to them, though.  I think that's what's hard - whether people are focusing on 'Should an elderly person be afraid that somebody is right by their house while they sleep?' or 'Should they be worried about this specific person who seems to want food?'.  I'm guessing that this situation is less about them caring about this particular person taking food from their trash or their willingness to share food than the general fear that somebody who DID wish to harm them could be by their house.  My parents kept a bike under their back deck and it was stolen.  They were freaked out for a while - not because they lost the bike, but because somebody was that close to their house.  It was like, if somebody could come that close to take a bike, what else could they do without anybody noticing?  Murder them in their sleep?  

In my case, I might put food by the street, away from my house.  Maybe put a blessing box out there if I felt like keeping it stocked.  I don't know prevalent they are in other places, but there are several within a few miles of my house that I've contributed to.  But, here, it would need to be something that could be secured.  We've had bears on the property, in our trash and eating our garden.  And raccoons and various other critters.  We couldn't just put food out without a plan for how to avoid attracting all sorts of critters.  

And, nerdy take on this since I'm prepping for one of my classes, where we'll talk about aphantasia...aphantasia has to do with how much we remember things in pictures.  There was a guy who had conflict with family because he 'didn't grieve properly' after the death of a family member, and it turned out that he didn't imagine them in pictures, which is how we connect emotionally.  It was almost like 'out of sight, out of mind'.  He would cry when he saw a picture of them - it wasn't lack of care, but lack of emotional connection with the memory.  People who tend in this direction may be less prone to things like PTSD because the traumatic imagery doesn't keep popping back into their head.  So, as with many things, pros and cons to the different ways in which we are wired.  I've often wondered if something similar affects how scary we find various things.  If we can imagine various bad outcomes, complete with imagery, we are more bothered.  This is random speculation, but may be one of the things that affect how we can see the same situations so differently.  

[SKL]

To be fair, I would expect people to be freaked out if I went on an elderly couple's property in the middle of the night and dug through their garbage.

It's not about judging.  It's about being aware.  When I tell my kids to make sure they lock the car and keep their keys with them while at school (urban campus), it's not because I'm judging each person who lives there, it's because I know crime statistics and I want the car to still be there when they come out of school.

[Pawz4me]

Somewhat related—My elderly MIL is pretty sure someone slept on her patio a few nights ago. All of us are curious. As far as I know nobody is scared.

[Bootsie]

40 minutes ago, SKL said:

To be fair, I would expect people to be freaked out if I went on an elderly couple's property in the middle of the night and dug through their garbage.

It's not about judging.  It's about being aware.  When I tell my kids to make sure they lock the car and keep their keys with them while at school (urban campus), it's not because I'm judging each person who lives there, it's because I know crime statistics and I want the car to still be there when they come out of school.

The bolded raises an interesting question.  What are the crime statistics regarding a homeless person being violent toward a homeowner on their property?  It would be helpful to be able to compare the perception of risk versus the reality, but I have not come across any good statistics regarding this.  

[fairfarmhand]

Anybody for any reason poking around in my elderly parent’s yard and near their home while they were sleeping would have me worried. 

[prairiewindmomma]

Here, most retail, car, and home burglary stuff is actually all organized crime…operating theft rings. It’s not houseless people.

2016 report out of WA showed that houseless people were no more likely to be criminals than housed ones. Criminality is more about an individual’s propensity to break the law than about their housed status. Less than 10% of all criminal reports in LA involve a houseless person as either a suspect or a victim….ie housed people are doing 90% of the crimes. That said, houseless people are 3-4x more likely to be the victim of a crime than housed people. 
 

IDK, the people all up in arms about their safety seem to be people who have few regular personal interactions with houseless people. Those of us that see 10-30 houseless people a day and actually have them around their homes at times seem less worried. I dont think I am any less cautious than another poster, but I do think I am calculating a different risk assessment. I am much more worried about getting hit by a car while I am out driving than about the people I see when I am walking the neighborhood or at the subway station. Every year, the average person has about a 1/107 chance of dying in/from a car accident. My odds for violent crime (across all categories, for all persons, in my state) is less than 1/300. My actual odds of violent crime are actually even lower given my household income level, ethnicity, age, lack of substance abuse, housed status, and the fact that I am married to a really lovely guy.

Edited September 22 by prairiewindmomma

[Scarlett]

I can’t remember if I posted this because I have been so surprised by the boards take on it all but my mom is not scared or creeped out in the slightest. She is concerned someone will get sick  from eating food from the trash. 

But she does not understand danger in a lot of situations. One time a lady was stopped in a vehicle in the middle of the road. Mom gets out of my car and walks around to ask the lady if she needs help and the lady started screaming and cursing at mom. 
 

I KNEW it wasn’t safe. Mom dismissed my concern and did what she wanted. 

[Scarlett]

17 minutes ago, prairiewindmomma said:

Here, most retail, car, and home burglary stuff is actually all organized crime…operating theft rings. It’s not houseless people.

2016 report out of WA showed that houseless people were no more likely to be criminals than housed ones. Criminality is more about an individual’s propensity to break the law than about their housed status. Less than 10% of all criminal reports in LA involve a houseless person as either a suspect or a victim….ie housed people are doing 90% of the crimes. That said, houseless people are 3-4x more likely to be the victim of a crime than housed people. 
 

IDK, the people all up in arms about their safety seem to be people who have few regular personal interactions with houseless people. Those of us that see 10-30 houseless people a day and actually have them around their homes at times seem less worried. I dont think I am any less cautious than another poster, but I do think I am calculating a different risk assessment. I am much more worried about getting hit by a car while I am out driving than about the people I see when I am walking the neighborhood or at the subway station. Every year, the average person has about a 1/107 chance of dying in/from a car accident. My odds for violent crime (across all categories, for all persons, in my state) is less than 1/300. My actual odds of violent crime are actually even lower given my household income level, ethnicity, age, lack of substance abuse, housed status, and the fact that I am married to a really lovely guy.

These are valid points. It actually makes me feel a little better. 

[Scarlett]

Thankfully my dad is a super cautious person. He always makes sure all doors are locked regardless of time of day or whether they are home or not.  They never sleep with an open window… and I think he is the one who wanted the ring door bell and another camera. 

[Scarlett]

2 hours ago, Clemsondana said:

 

And, nerdy take on this since I'm prepping for one of my classes, where we'll talk about aphantasia...aphantasia has to do with how much we remember things in pictures.  There was a guy who had conflict with family because he 'didn't grieve properly' after the death of a family member, and it turned out that he didn't imagine them in pictures, which is how we connect emotionally.  It was almost like 'out of sight, out of mind'.  He would cry when he saw a picture of them - it wasn't lack of care, but lack of emotional connection with the memory.  People who tend in this direction may be less prone to things like PTSD because the traumatic imagery doesn't keep popping back into their head.  So, as with many things, pros and cons to the different ways in which we are wired.  I've often wondered if something similar affects how scary we find various things.  If we can imagine various bad outcomes, complete with imagery, we are more bothered.  This is random speculation, but may be one of the things that affect how we can see the same situations so differently.  

I definitely see images in my mind. 

[Scarlett]

2 hours ago, sweet2ndchance said:

Scary? No, I wouldn't find it scary. Unless I had just watched "Kiss the Girls" or something similar. Then I might be creeped out but not scared.

Where I live it is much more likely to be an animal than a human though. So we don't put much food waste in the garbage lest we want garbage strewn all over the place. We have a compost pile for most food waste and then the dogs usually get what can't go in the compost pile. If it can't go in the compost pile and would make the dogs sick, then it goes in the trash. Usually double wrapped to try and keep the dogs and other animals from digging out and eating it anyways.

Equating desperation with addiction and drug use makes me sad. We are poor by most people's standards and definitely by comparison with most people on this board. Dh and I are smart, educated and, on paper, look like we should be successful in life (if by success we mean we should be living a middle class life). But we are not successful in life by most people's standard. If not for the kindness of others and yes, I have picked though trash for things but not for food thankfully, we would be much worse off. I am neither an addict nor a druggie and neither is dh. We simply have had a rougher life than most in many ways. Some of it circumstances beyond our control and other parts of it just plain bad luck. I've had to grow a thick skin though because assumptions like these of the poor and destitute are not uncommon. Sometimes desperation just means you do what you have to do to get by including sometimes enduring the judgement of others.

I am glad that so many people would help and withhold any judgement. 🙂 

I can’t speak for homeless people every where but in this town it most definitely is mental illness and addiction at the top of the list.  That doesn’t mean they don’t deserve help but it does mean they can be unpredictable. 
 

And it is not like I am over here living an affluent life. I have lived through plenty of tough times and I am fully aware of how easily things can go south. 

[momto3innc]

I think it depends. 
My garbage can by the road night before pick up? Not scared of physical danger, but I would be worried about identity theft type things (we do shred documents but I’d worry about something being missed).

Behind my house, in my fenced back yard, where they’re stored the rest of the week? Yes, basically any person in my backyard at night would scare me. I or my teenage daughter occasionally let the dog out at night. If I realized someone was out there with me, I would definitely freak out! 
 

[SKL]

1 hour ago, prairiewindmomma said:

2016 report out of WA showed that houseless people were no more likely to be criminals than housed ones. Criminality is more about an individual’s propensity to break the law than about their housed status. Less than 10% of all criminal reports in LA involve a houseless person as either a suspect or a victim….ie housed people are doing 90% of the crimes. That said, houseless people are 3-4x more likely to be the victim of a crime than housed people.

To be clear, we're not really talking about the person's homeless status.  We're talking about the fact that s/he came onto private residential property (uninvited/unannounced in the dark) and dug in the garbage and took stuff.

And we're not saying this person is definitely a violent criminal.  We're saying we're not comfortable having this sort of beyond-trespassing behavior occurring right under our elderly parents' windows.

And as for housed people being more likely to commit crimes, that appears to be location specific.  There are other studies showing that in other locations, homeless people are significantly more likely to commit violent crimes / to have been incarcerated etc.

[Bootsie]

51 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

I can’t speak for homeless people every where but in this town it most definitely is mental illness and addiction at the top of the list.  That doesn’t mean they don’t deserve help but it does mean they can be unpredictable. 
 

And it is not like I am over here living an affluent life. I have lived through plenty of tough times and I am fully aware of how easily things can go south. 

I understand your uncomfortableness with the unpreditableness.  I am a person who is very uncomfortable around unpredictable, or out of control, or irrational behavior.  I find it very uncomfortable to be around someone who is demonstrating unpredictable behavior.  It can be a usually responsible, successful person who has too much to drink, and I do not like being around it.  I know my ability to deal with a situation like that is very low.  That is really more about me and my comfort level (and my desire to feel control) than it is about their chance of being violent or harming me.  I am not sure that someone who is homeless is, on average, more unpredictable than other people.  I know I have to check myself from time-to-time whether I have a specific reason to be fearful for my safety or whether I am reacting to my feelings of not being in a controlled, predictable siuation.

[lmrich]

I get your concern for your parents. Your  mom has a heart of gold, which could become a problem. Is there a food pantry near by? What does the county offer for the hungry? Could a box of food be dropped off at the trailer? 

 

[Melissa in Australia]

1 hour ago, Scarlett said:

I can’t remember if I posted this because I have been so surprised by the boards take on it all but my mom is not scared or creeped out in the slightest. She is concerned someone will get sick  from eating food from the trash. 

But she does not understand danger in a lot of situations. One time a lady was stopped in a vehicle in the middle of the road. Mom gets out of my car and walks around to ask the lady if she needs help and the lady started screaming and cursing at mom. 
 

I KNEW it wasn’t safe. Mom dismissed my concern and did what she wanted. 

Boy I am so glad I live in Australia. Here it is perfectly safe and normal to offer help to someone stuck on the side of the road. No danger at all.

Must be absolutely awful to live in a country with so much violence and fear

[Scarlett]

Just now, Melissa in Australia said:

Boy I am so glad I live in Australia. Here it is perfectly safe and normal to offer help to someone stuck on the side of the road. No danger at all.

Must be absolutely awful to live in a country with so much violence and fear

She wasn’t stuck on the side of the road. She just stopped her truck in the middle of the road. Her windshield had been smashed in with a bat or a giant rock… she was staring straight ahead and seemed completely spaced out. I knew something was off but mom could not  see it. 

[GoVanGogh]

My initial thought wasn’t about creepy or scary, but wondering about the parents’ own health, as I dealt with paranoia with my late FIL. In his later years, my FIL was having “experiences” that weren’t real. We do not know the underlying reasons - dementia,  brain fog from cancer treatments, medicine side effects, we don’t know. It was hidden from us kids at first, then brushed off as a mental health issue before his cancer returned and was terminal. I am now dealing with a stepparent with dementia and know they can be very convincing that what they are experiencing is real. Just my two cents on that aspect. 

[Scarlett]

23 minutes ago, lmrich said:

I get your concern for your parents. Your  mom has a heart of gold, which could become a problem. Is there a food pantry near by? What does the county offer for the hungry? Could a box of food be dropped off at the trailer? 

 

There is a lot of help available. The trailer belongs to one of the other neighbors and I know they would not want someone squatting there. And I am not sure they are, it is just a possibility 

[Scarlett]

2 minutes ago, GoVanGogh said:

My initial thought wasn’t about creepy or scary, but wondering about the parents’ own health, as I dealt with paranoia with my late FIL. In his later years, my FIL was having “experiences” that weren’t real. We do not know the underlying reasons - dementia,  brain fog from cancer treatments, medicine side effects, we don’t know. It was hidden from us kids at first, then brushed off as a mental health issue before his cancer returned and was terminal. I am now dealing with a stepparent with dementia and know they can be very convincing that what they are experiencing is real. Just my two cents on that aspect. 

That is certainly a possibility but both of them are seeing odd things with the trash. 

[Terabith]

I mean, y'all and pretty much everyone else I interact with have made it clear that my risk assessment isn't the same as most people's.  I would feel a bit uncomfortable about someone that close to my house, but my bigger concern would be for the person needing food.  I would try to find out more about them and leave food maybe at the end of the driveway.

[Bootsie]

14 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

She wasn’t stuck on the side of the road. She just stopped her truck in the middle of the road. Her windshield had been smashed in with a bat or a giant rock… she was staring straight ahead and seemed completely spaced out. I knew something was off but mom could not  see it. 

Something can be "off" without being unsafe.  It doesn't sound as if in that situation your mother was harmed.  Some people have a much higher risk tolerance for responding to a situation that they see as "off".  I have a friend whose first response to the situation you described would be "That woman must be having a medical issue.  A rock must have flown through her window and hit her in the head.  Or, she had a seizure and ran into something.  I better see if I can help."  My reaction is much more likely to be one of discomfort or fear; her reaction is much more likely to be one of "how can I help?"  I think the Good Samaritan probably thought something was off when he saw a man beaten and lying on the path; he could think the man was desperate, yet he focsued on how he could help rather than being scared.  I don't know if some people can't see that something may not be safe or if they choose to focus on something they think is more important.  

[Scarlett]

5 minutes ago, Bootsie said:

Something can be "off" without being unsafe.  It doesn't sound as if in that situation your mother was harmed.  Some people have a much higher risk tolerance for responding to a situation that they see as "off".  I have a friend whose first response to the situation you described would be "That woman must be having a medical issue.  A rock must have flown through her window and hit her in the head.  Or, she had a seizure and ran into something.  I better see if I can help."  My reaction is much more likely to be one of discomfort or fear; her reaction is much more likely to be one of "how can I help?"  I think the Good Samaritan probably thought something was off when he saw a man beaten and lying on the path; he could think the man was desperate, yet he focsued on how he could help rather than being scared.  I don't know if some people can't see that something may not be safe or if they choose to focus on something they think is more important.  

I would have been fine with calling the police to come and assess her. Mom specifically did not see any of the red flags I saw. It is hard to describe all that I took in but I knew the woman  was mostly likely on something . 

[Scarlett]

8 minutes ago, Bootsie said:

Something can be "off" without being unsafe.  It doesn't sound as if in that situation your mother was harmed.  Some people have a much higher risk tolerance for responding to a situation that they see as "off".  I have a friend whose first response to the situation you described would be "That woman must be having a medical issue.  A rock must have flown through her window and hit her in the head.  Or, she had a seizure and ran into something.  I better see if I can help."  My reaction is much more likely to be one of discomfort or fear; her reaction is much more likely to be one of "how can I help?"  I think the Good Samaritan probably thought something was off when he saw a man beaten and lying on the path; he could think the man was desperate, yet he focsued on how he could help rather than being scared.  I don't know if some people can't see that something may not be safe or if they choose to focus on something they think is more important.  

And no she wasn’t harmed but she could have been because the woman was not in her right mind and mom walked right in front of the vehicle and up to the woman’s door.