BakersDozen Posted July 22 Share Posted July 22 A message was by my desk this morning. I was to call the husband of one of the dearest people I've ever known. I looked at it, walked away, started laundry, went to an appointment, came home and got everything I could done. Then I picked up the phone and made the call I didn't want to make because I knew what I would hear. There are people who are timeless. As the years go by and kids grow, those people don't seem to change. They are a part of your everyday life. They know the good, bad and ugly about you and stick with you. When you dial their number, they pick up and have time to talk. They're so much a part of your life, when the idea of moving to another state or even another place within the state comes up in conversation with your family, the immediate point made is, "But we can't move because we can't leave her!" And as kids grow and are exposed to the realities of human nature, those people's goodness and legitimate, lived-out love is even more evident. Our family does not have close extended family. We don't do holiday gatherings and only once did we do a family reunion (never again). There is no connection between aunts, uncles, cousins, or grandparents (save for a few of the older kids with Brian's mom). So to have those in our life who fill those relationship roles, even to a point that someone is "more of a grandmother than our actual grandmothers are" is really a blessing. Today I found out that one of those people won't be answering her phone anymore - and yes, I've called it several times just to hear her voice on the answering message. I can't call to tell her how sad I am, how the void felt in our family today is tangible. Or that I feel lost inside. It feels like a huge part of what helped me be strong isn't here now - and for anyone who knows things which have transpired in my immediate family over the years, this woman was one of those who helped me keep my sanity. When my own mom told me she hated me (again), this woman's love protected and filled my heart. She cried with me/us and celebrated the wonderful things as well. She loved us and we all adored her. I'm just really sad. Really, really, really sad. And here's where I need to vent... If you have followed my "mom saga" then brace yourself. You may want to just stop reading here because I'm going to be horrifyingly blunt and shocking. Fair warning...................................................................................................................................................................................... My mom was recently in the hospital with pneumonia. She got to go home and is already playing the victim and manipulating anyone and everyone. My friend also had pneumonia, but she died. Not my mom - not the one who thrives on wreaking havoc and leaves a mental/emotional path of destruction in her wake. No, it was my friend who truly loved others and was the beauty in our lives. Not my mom who has told me she hates me and wishes I would die. My friend who cried with me after I received such messages from my mom is gone. And I feel so....evil in how I'm thinking toward my mom. My children lost their true grandmother today, and their actual grandmother is still alive and living 2 streets up from us. I find myself, when I hear an ambulance siren in the neighborhood, fighting to not hope it's for her. That she will just.be.gone. I'm sorry for thinking/feeling this way - I know it's wrong. I was so afraid that our friend would not outlive my mom as I knew the effect it would have on me. And here it is. And I'm a mess. That's all. 60 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scholastica Posted July 22 Share Posted July 22 So many hugs for you. So hard on so many levels. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kassia Posted July 22 Share Posted July 22 oh, @BakersDozen, sending you big big hugs. I'm so very sorry for your loss. Your feelings are totally understandable. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wishes Posted July 22 Share Posted July 22 So very sorry for your loss. She sounds like an amazing woman and I am so glad you had her and sorry that that was taken from you. A devastating loss. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wintermom Posted July 22 Share Posted July 22 I'm so sorry for your loss. It's wonderful that you had this lovely woman in your life. The friends that we choose to have in our lives are special nuggets and often mean much more to us than blood relatives. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy Posted July 22 Share Posted July 22 I’m so sorry for your loss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted July 22 Share Posted July 22 It's not evil, it's consequences. I'm sorry your friend is gone. ❤️ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted July 22 Share Posted July 22 I’m so sorry. And I think your feelings are entirely normal and understandable. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommyoffive Posted July 22 Share Posted July 22 I am so sorry for your loss. I am so glad that you had her in your life and your children's lives. What an amazing blessing to have found her. I completely understand how you are feeling about your mom and what happened to the two of them. I am just so sorry that this trauma is on top of the pain of the huge loss you are dealing with too. Sending lots of hugs and prayers to you and your family. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted July 22 Share Posted July 22 So sorry for your loss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheReader Posted July 22 Share Posted July 22 What Rosie said. I'm so so so so sorry for your loss, but the thoughts you have about and towards your mom.....not evil. Just the natural consequences of her actions all these many long years. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mominco Posted July 22 Share Posted July 22 So sorry for your loss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kareni Posted July 22 Share Posted July 22 @BakersDozen, my sympathies to you and your family and to all who loved this friend of yours. Regards, Kareni Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kbutton Posted July 22 Share Posted July 22 I’m so sorry. The stark contrast is so hard, and it’s normal to feel ugly about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CTVKath Posted July 22 Share Posted July 22 I'm sorry. Truly sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BakersDozen Posted July 22 Author Share Posted July 22 Thank you all - I adore the Hive. I'll be contacting my oldest dc this evening as I want to wait until they're done with work/classes. They're going to take this very hard. 😞 This sweet woman was there the day my mom, who was visiting, yelled at me/us so horribly, my oldest (14 at the time) actually went into the pantry and hid from the rage. When my mom left, our adopted "grandmother" went to the pantry, opened the door, took my teen dd by the hand, and sat holding her on the couch until she stopped crying. It feels like I've been left alone now at the mercy of my mom, both IRL with anything that might happen and with the horrible memories which this sweet woman was always willing to revisit and help with if I needed it. She was there at the birth of half of my dc. Thank you for letting me share all of this. 2 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kassia Posted July 23 Share Posted July 23 (edited) @BakersDozenshe sounds like a very special woman and I'm glad you had her in your life. I know it will be so hard to tell your dc. My mom was an evil narcissist but I was lucky to have an adopted *aunt* while growing up who was so special to me - I thought of her as my fairy godmother and now she's my guardian angel. She loved me, DH, and my kids so much and it was always unconditional. Again, I'm sorry for your terrible loss and sending more hugs. Edited July 23 by Kassia 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted July 23 Share Posted July 23 I am so sorry for your loss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
***** Posted July 23 Share Posted July 23 How lucky you were to have had such a wonderful friend in your lives. Holding your family in prayer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaybee Posted July 23 Share Posted July 23 I'm so sorry that you have lost such a special person. I hope the memories you have of her and with her will help comfort you when the ugliness threatens. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
popmom Posted July 23 Share Posted July 23 I’m very sorry for your loss and agree with Rosie. Gosh it’s just not right. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saraha Posted July 23 Share Posted July 23 I’m sorry @BakersDozen. Hugs for all of you. I’m sorry for both your loss and for what remains. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted July 23 Share Posted July 23 I’m so sorry for your loss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted July 23 Share Posted July 23 I’m so sorry for the loss of this beautiful person and for your pain. I said a prayer for your comfort tonight. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YaelAldrich Posted July 23 Share Posted July 23 @BakersDozen, I'm so sorry you lost such a close and tremendously good friend/chosen family member. You had a blessing in your life and you should try to think about all the good she brought into your lives as much as you need to a balm to your spirit. It seems like evil continues on far longer than good in too many cases. At least it did in losing my sister and Mom and leaving my "special person". It truly sucks. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted July 24 Share Posted July 24 I'm so sorry for your loss. She sounds like an amazing woman. Big hugs. Your vent... I get it. No judgement here. I've had similar thoughts when I see the evil in the world and contrast that with the good ones I've lost. It is so not fair! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Irish Posted July 24 Share Posted July 24 Big big hugs and prayers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted July 24 Share Posted July 24 Huge hugs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TechWife Posted July 24 Share Posted July 24 I’m sorry for your loss. Thanks for telling us about her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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