This is getting messier…

[saraha]

A year ago sil hired a very young stna who had just had twins that had just come home from the nicu as an aide for mil. 40 hours a week. I advised against it and have not been happy with her this whole time, but I’m not in charge. Aide never actually worked a 40 hour week, calling off at least once a week because she was sick, or one of the babies, or no childcare etc. she is 21 and just figuring out how to adult. Recently sil decided the calling off was getting excessive and  she is tired of having to rely on nephew or the other lady she found as a back up. Nephew doesn’t really want to be his grandmother’s care giver either, but will “babysit” her in a pinch since he’s the only bone without a job.

So sil, bil and dh just interviewed last night a replacement. Sil hasn’t told aide she is looking or that because she calls off so much her job is in danger. The candidate wants to work a couple of days to see what it’s like before she decides. Dh asked sil how that would work with current aide. Sil said she’s just going to text aide and tell her not to come those days, they have company. And if the lady wants the job, she is going to text her and tell her we do t need you anymore. No notice. This lady is the only person sil has found so far that’s interested. So she doesn’t want to tell aide in case the other lady doesn’t take the job and the aide gets mad and quits.

Here is where I come in. Dh and I both think this is wrong. She is a young mom, her dh lost his job and for whatever reason hasn’t gotten another one and is driving for the Amish. Cutting her loose with no warning at all seems kind of mean. There has to be a better way to do this. My friend is very close to aide, like a mother figure, and will be mad when she finds out they cut her loose with no warning. My friend has to deal with sil regularly as their children are married to each other. It’s sticky.

Anyway, dh and I discussed this. He tried to bring up to sil that that seems harsh, but she wasn’t hearing it. My options at this point are to put a bug in friend’s ear that they are looking, dh suggested we set some money aside ourselves to give to aide if/when sil cuts her loose (a weeks pay would be a hardship for us as she makes more an hour than I do) but he feels really bad about way sil is thinking of going about it, or to mind my own business because no one has ever asked my opinion about anything.

Thanks in advance

Edited December 5, 2023 by saraha

[regentrude]

Have they previously told the aide that her absences are getting excessive? If so, that is prior warning.
It's a job, and she's expected to do the job and work the hours she is being hired for. If she can't do that, she can't reasonably expect continued employment.

To answer your question: not your circus, not your monkey. Either you are involved in the caregiving situation, or you let SIL handle things as she sees fit.

Edited November 17, 2023 by regentrude

[MercyA]

The aide should expect after so many absences that her job may be in jeopardy. It really should not come as a surprise to her.

That said, your SIL should give her notice. It's the kind and professional thing to do.

I don't see much if any profit coming from you getting involved. If you and your DH want to give the aide a monetary gift and tell her that you are sorry for how the situation was handled and appreciate her work, that would be fine. It's not necessary to give a week's salary and I would not if it is a hardship.

[Tiberia]

I agree with Mercy. Stay out of it because you have no power or influence in it. However, if you do give the fired aide a monetary gift and tell her you are sorry for how it was handled, that lets her and your friend know that you were not on board with the process.

And I agree, it doesn't need to be a week's salary, especially if she never worked a full week. Just a hundred or two would be a nice gesture.

[Tap]

Definitely stay out of it. The aid knows she is not filling the obligations. I hope(!) your SIL has put it in writing that she wasn't meeting expectations. Even if it is obvious, doesn't matter, needs to be clearly communicated that this is putting her job in jeopardy. If SIL hasn't done this yet, she needs to do it now. Maybe check to see if her state is hire/fire at will to make sure she can terminate in this way. 

Employees generally give notice on quitting a job to get a good reference for their next job. Employers are under no obligation to do so but can also get a bad reputation for firing without just cause. Employers often let someone go without notice to avoid situations with employees where the employee may sabotage/steal/lash out against the employer. If they are letting her go, I wouldn't give her notice either.  I would have absolutely written the person up tho, so they would know they were not meeting minimum expectations. 

I would not give her money. It is not your situation to fix. If it is  legally paid position, she should be able to qualify for unemployment. If not a legal compensated job....that was her risk to take.  If she is in a contract position....that is the risk she took with this type of job. Really not your situation to fix.

Edited November 17, 2023 by Tap

[catz]

I would also stay out of it unless you were the one who hired and pay her.  You have tried to put distance between you and this trainwreck, correct?  Even more reason not to be involved.  No it's not ideal but honestly, most typical employers would have cut her loose before now.  Probably just when she called in sometime.  It's not unreasonable to expect a somewhat consistent schedule.

The aid likely knows on some level she isn't fulfilling the need.  It sounds like very poor timing for her to take on a job like this.  Ideally the adults in the room would have realized this before hiring her  But they did make it last longer than many would have.

[Carrie12345]

I’d stay out of it.

Yes, I believe in kindness and notice.  HOWEVER, I might not want an already unreliable caregiver taking care of someone while knowing they’re fired. 

[regentrude]

Re: giving notice/advance warning

Totally unsafe.

Companies know why they have an HR rep watch the fired person pack up their belongings and escort them off the property right there and then.

In a caregiving situation especially,  giving notice to the employee is unsafe. A person who knows they're fired is unlike to provide good care for the remainder of her employment, and the one they're caring for may be at risk.

[bolt.]

This really sounds like two people, who are not you, are having a difficult employer-employee relationship. They each have the power and the potential to be quite seriously unfair to one another... but neither of them are you.

I think you should advise the employer to give either notice or severance pay -- since that's an ethically right decision -- but you can't enforce it, and if these two parties decided to start this relationship without a contract... that's not awesome, but it's not the end of the world.

Advise them to write and sign a contract with their new employee (if they get one).

Edited November 17, 2023 by bolt.

[Mrs Tiggywinkle Again]

I think your friendship with the employee’s honorary mom is probably clouding your view.

A verbal warning is generally the right way to go at first, but it sounds like this just isn’t working out and she needs to be let go.  I wouldn’t get involved in any way.

[Arcadia]

Unfortunately the aide isn't a charity case and she needs to live up to the job expectations. I would not interfere since SIL is handling the aide issue and I don't want to end up getting the "hot potato" back after finally being able to be hands off about it. If you feel bad, you could gift the aide some groceries from time to time after she is let go. 

[Heartstrings]

It’s sad that some young adults need to make a lot of mistakes as they mature, especially with babies involved.  Her being fired for calling out to often will be a hard lesson on her way to maturity, but an important one.  If she wasn’t working for an individual she probably wouldn’t have lasted as long as she did, and McDonalds or Target wouldn’t give her a notice before firing her, it’s probably better that she learns not to expect it.  A company also wouldn’t take into account that her husband isn’t working or that she has twins.   

[SKL]

Technically it is not your business.  But I totally understand your feelings.

I would probably tell my family members that I think they should give 2 weeks notice and let the two aides work together (perhaps part-time) during the transition.  If the new aide is ready to start instantly, the old aide could be offered some cleaning tasks for a couple weeks rather than just throw her out.  If someone tried to say this was financially impossible, I'd probably offer to pay for it.

Edited November 17, 2023 by SKL

[wintermom]

I think the PPs are completely correct. Stay out of it. Your dh already voiced his opinion.

I'm guessing that the actual story of this aide's situation is more complex that what you're hearing, and it would be best to stay out. If the father is actually not working, why isn't he watching the babies so the mom can work? It makes no sense. 

[marbel]

Agreeing with others that there shouldn't be notice given once the firing is decided upon. But also... severance pay would be nice, but it should be given as severance pay by the person/people who actually employed her (your SIL I think) and not by you/your husband. It comes off as a guilt offering, if separate from the job situation. Of course your husband can give his sister the funds to pass on, if SIL objects to giving severance herself. But this is a business situation and should be treated as such. Your friend also needs to stay out of this business situation (though of course her emotions are up to her). 

I'm sorry you feel stuck in the middle of this when you have no authority in the situation.

Edited November 17, 2023 by marbel

[Janeway]

I would stay out of it and I would not give a gift. The aide needs to learn the horse lesson that if she can’t show up at work, she’s going lose her job. You are not helping her at all by giving her a big gift like that and you have to get along with your sister-in-law not with the aide, and this is going to cause family disharmony.

Edited November 17, 2023 by Janeway

[Janeway]

I want to add another point. You are not the one who has had to deal with the turmoil of someone who is unreliable and frequently not showing up/calling in. I am guessing you do not realize the extremely heavy toll this has taken on SIL. The hard work she does in dealing with these things needs to be respected, unless you want to be the one to handle it all. If you do not live close, the grandmother could be moved closer or you could move closer to her. It is okay you do not agree with everything, but SIL is closer to the situation and as long as she is doing all this work, she needs to be given the right to handle it how she feels fit. You know how it feels when an outsider thinks they know how to parent your children better than you can, even though the outsider is not actually dealing with it? That is how this would feel to SIL. SIL is trying to make the best of a bad situation. You definitely need to let it go and step back and let SIL do what she needs to do.

[SKL]

11 minutes ago, Janeway said:

I want to add another point. You are not the one who has had to deal with the turmoil of someone who is unreliable and frequently not showing up/calling in. I am guessing you do not realize the extremely heavy toll this has taken on SIL. The hard work she does in dealing with these things needs to be respected, unless you want to be the one to handle it all.

This is a good point.  I would hope that the employee has already been told that her irregularity is not acceptable.

I don't think the employee should be kept on, but I would feel bad cutting her off suddenly, unless she at least had fair warning about it.

[Carol in Cal.]

Something no one has mentioned is the idea of setting up a job share.

It sounds like the 40 hour commitment is unrealistic for the current employee, but also she is doing a reasonably good job when she IS present.

That’s not nothing!

If it were me, I would frame this as “We have decided that setting up a care TEAM is important in case of there being times when someone can’t make it, or if we need extra coverage beyond 40 hours some weeks, so we are bringing on a second person as well.  We would like you to continue as the Monday through Wednesday person, and the second person will be Thursday and Friday.  We have noticed that you are frequently unavailable, and we hope that this reduced schedule is one that you can commit to without absences.  It is difficult for us to find coverage when you’re suddenly not coming, and we need you to make a genuine commitment to this reduced schedule or else we will be looking to staff it differently.  You’ve been doing a great job when you’re there, and we appreciate you so much!”

[BusyMom5]

Honestly both could probably be hired!  The twin mom at 15-20 hours a week- cooking, cleaning, running errands, the new aid for 40 hours caring for MIL.  Finding good help in home care situations is incredibly hard.  I wouldn't want to burn the bridge with Twin Mom, and she's currently unable to perform the duties anyway.  

[saraha]

Thanks everybody! There is sooo much wrapped up in all this family stuff. I had offered several times to take the care coordinator spot for sil, since I had been doing so much of it before she hired aide, but she wanted to be in charge of everything. I also offered to spear head the candidate search but she also declined that. Trying to keep my emotions out of it. And you are right, it’s not a charity, we don’t owe aide anything. It’s unfortunate she may lose her job right before Christmas, but she’s had a year to work out the kinks and show up.

I am going to float the job share idea to dh, that would definitely soften the blow and ease any transition that needs to be made.

[Arcadia]

14 minutes ago, Carol in Cal. said:

We would like you to continue as the Monday through Wednesday person, and the second person will be Thursday and Friday.

I think that would work out only if the current aide is dependable for showing up on the agreed arrangements. From OP’s post, it seems that it is not so much the time commitment but showing up on schedule that the aide has problems with due to childcare and her kid being sick. I am assuming from OP’s post that the aide’s husband is freelancing as a driver for the Amish which could mean he likely can’t be depend on for childcare. 

[SKL]

12 minutes ago, Arcadia said:

I think that would work out only if the current aide is dependable for showing up on the agreed arrangements. ....

Also it would not work if the new person needs her job to be full-time.  But maybe some variation would work.  Maybe the current lady could go on part-time and be a backup when the new lady needs time off.  She may not want that, but it would at least soften the blow as she scrambles to find another job.

[Catwoman]

3 hours ago, saraha said:

Thanks everybody! There is sooo much wrapped up in all this family stuff. I had offered several times to take the care coordinator spot for sil, since I had been doing so much of it before she hired aide, but she wanted to be in charge of everything. I also offered to spear head the candidate search but she also declined that. Trying to keep my emotions out of it. And you are right, it’s not a charity, we don’t owe aide anything. It’s unfortunate she may lose her job right before Christmas, but she’s had a year to work out the kinks and show up.

I am going to float the job share idea to dh, that would definitely soften the blow and ease any transition that needs to be made.

Honestly, I don't think you or your dh should get involved at all. Forget about the job share thing, because this is really none of your business right now (and why would the aide suddenly become more reliable as part of a job sharing arrangement? If anything, she would probably take even more time off, assuming the other employee would pick up the slack.)

I am pretty much never on your SIL's side, but in this particular instance, I have to side with her. This is SIL's responsibility, and she is doing the right thing by firing an unreliable employee. She has given this aide countless opportunities, yet the young woman keeps taking advantage of the family.

I know you sympathize with the aide, but the fact is that she was hired to do a job and she has been irresponsible. She might be having trouble "adulting," but she is, in fact, an adult. She is a married woman with a child, and this isn't an unpaid internship; this is an actual job where a family is depending on her to show up and not make constant lame excuses for taking a ridiculous amount of time off.  The young woman needs to grow up and accept her responsibilities, and quite frankly, she doesn't deserve 2 weeks notice or severance pay, because she has been taking unfair advantage of her employer for a long time now. This isn't some sudden emergency where she needed time off. This was her not wanting to bother going to work unless she felt like it.

I really think you and your dh need to mind your own business here, and not give the aide any advance information about her job being at risk -- and you certainly shouldn't be rewarding her chronic irresponsibility with a cash bonus out of your own pocket. (And the fact that the aide's dh is out of work has nothing to do with this situation. For all you know, he has "adulting" issues, too. 😉 But as someone else already mentioned, if he's out of work, why does she keep needing time off? Why isn't he taking care of their child when the kid gets sick? Sorry, but I'm not buying her excuses.) 

If your SIL wants to give the aide some notice or give her a small severance check, let that be her decision. But if she doesn't, I would let her handle this as she sees fit. 

[TechWife]

I recommend letting SIL handle it. People don’t get notice before they are fired. I think doing it by text is tacky, but that’s on SIL, not you. 

[saraha]

Well, looks like it will be a moot point . New lady called sil today and said that after talking to her dh she would need x dollars, which was way more than they are willing to spend. Thanks everybody for helping me pause long enough to not let my emotions get involved and do something silly

[Harriet Vane]

1 hour ago, saraha said:

Well, looks like it will be a moot point . New lady called sil today and said that after talking to her dh she would need x dollars, which was way more than they are willing to spend. Thanks everybody for helping me pause long enough to not let my emotions get involved and do something silly

I honestly think SIL should give X dollars and have more than one helper on hand. Just my two cents. 

[saraha]

I agree. I talked to dh about job sharing or maybe split shift, like if her mom or dh could watch the twins more easily in the evening or whatever. A few ideas, but we’ll see. I think I fell victim to hormonal sympathy feelings, but having everyone on the same page was super helpful

[Carol in Cal.]

9 minutes ago, saraha said:

I agree. I talked to dh about job sharing or maybe split shift, like if her mom or dh could watch the twins more easily in the evening or whatever. A few ideas, but we’ll see. I think I fell victim to hormonal sympathy feelings, but having everyone on the same page was super helpful

Ya know, though, having more than one person trained up and ready to roll would be a real help.  

[KungFuPanda]

I think twin mom will be fine. There are more positions like that than there are people to fill them. If SIL thinks she can find someone who never gets sick or has family obligations I wish her well. If the aide is providing good care when she IS there it might be in everyone’s best interest to hire part time supplemental care.  You would have more options if one of your caregivers gets the flu or has to leave town for a family matter. I have trouble thinking of a young mother as irresponsible because she got sick or had her childcare fall through. I wouldn’t burn any bridges with her. 

[saraha]

Anybody care for an update???

Todays drama is brought to you by the letter WTH and the number 16

players: Niece- married to friends son, SIL mother to niece, Aide- current aide who is like a dd to friend, Friend, F’s SIL

The last time we left this group, SIL is fed up with Aide and is “looking” for new person to take her place. Only wants to go by word of mouth, turned down the LPN who wanted $25/hr, which, they don’t need any medical help and can’t afford that anyway.

Friend’s SIL moved about an hour away the week before Thanksgiving from out of state. A few days after that, dh asks me if I know FsSIL. I tell him I have met her in passing a couple of times and she seems to be a very rough person. I know that friend does not care for her at all. Dh says niece suggested they hire FsSIL to take aides place. I am very surprised by this as I know a bunch of negative stuff from FsSIL’s current and past and that FsSIL just moved here with her current boyfriend and her last job was in another state in a prison.

Niece mentions at Thanksgiving she thinks FsSIL will be sure to show up every day if they hire her. (I know for a fact that niece has not spent a lot of time with FsSIL, but more than I have,  as they have lived out of state) I say “doesn’t she live an hour away?” “ Yeah, it’s fine.” I get look from SIL so I dont say anything else.
Friend left for an extended trip to visit her dd and gd right after Thanksgiving. Friend and niece (who is married to friends oldest son have a frosty relationship) I guess don’t talk about hiring FsSIL. While friend was gone SIL tells niece to tell FsSIL that she wants an interview. Yesterday I hear from dh that they are going to interview her Wednesday evening. I have a bad feeling about this.

Friend calls me today after getting back from an extended trip to say she ran into SIL at the dollar store. She said SIL walked right up to her and the first thing she says is “Will your SIL actually show up to work?” Friend tells her she has no idea what she’s talking about and SIL talks at friend for the next half hour in the dollar store telling her about aide only showing up 2 or 3 days a week etc like it’s friends fault (friend did not recommend aide for the job, niece did), how they are looking for someone else, how niece suggested FsSIL and they have an interview with her, etc etc.

Friend was gobsmacked. She tells SIL “I don’t want anything to do with this. I didn’t suggest aide to you, just because she and I are close doesn’t mean it’s my job to hear complaints from niece and fix the aide’s performance.”

She then comes home and calls aide and asked her if she talked to SIL about missing a lot of work. Aide says, “we’ll she didn’t seem too bothered when I would text her and tell her I couldn’t come…” Friend says “I suggest you start looking for another job.”

After telling me about the dollar store encounter, Friend says I had no idea you guys were looking for someone else and neither did aide. I remind her I’m not included in that. Friend is annoyed I didn’t give her a heads up but then recognizes my desire to stay out of it. Friend says “You know, I never wanted to be involved in this when they started talking about hiring Aide a year ago, I know how SIL is. and SIL stood there in the middle of the only store in our small town and acted like it was my fault that aide didn’t do a good job, and that I should be reassuring her about my Sil.  If you guys hire FsSIL, which I don’t think you should, I will never be able to get away from this situation. I never suggested either of these two for the job, I only talk to your SIL like 5 times a year tops and Niece and I barely speak to each other, she does all of her talking through my son.”

So. After Friend vents to me on the phone, I send dh a text. They are supposed to interview FsSIL tomorrow evening. I tell him I just got off the phone with Friend and she had a lot to say about SIL, aide, and FsSIL. I can tell you all about it this evening. He sent an eye roll emoji back.

Now, here’s how this will probably play out. Aide now knows she’s on the chopping block, which SIL says she didn’t want her to know but then was dumb enough to tell people she’s looking to replace her.
The sun rises and sets with niece (who don’t forget suggested Aide) and I’m pretty sure if dh actually speaks up and says you know, this might not be a good fit, SIL will take nieces opinion over dh’s. SIL just doesn’t want to be bothered and if a quick solution presents itself, she will want to take it. She keeps saying I want to get someone who knows someone, but so far that strategy is not working out and she has not done one thing to look outside nieces church for someone and doesn’t want to delegate.

I bet if they don’t hire someone pretty quickly, another reason SIL will give to just hire FsSIL, I’m sure Aide will quit as soon as she gets another job with no notice as she found out that is what SIL was going to do to her.

🍿 anyone? 🤦‍♀️

Edited December 5, 2023 by saraha

[fairfarmhand]

oh.

my. 

word.

Aren't you glad that you are out of this mess, mostly, other than hearing about it?

[saraha]

Yup, sort of

if Friend doesn’t think they should hire FsSIL, and dh is inclined to say, well if someone close to the candidate gives a bad reference, we shouldn’t hire that person, but SIL does, what recourse does he have? He just wants his mom to have good care, and SIL does too, but not as much as she wants to just find someone and move on. Deal with it later when it doesn’t work out. It hurts poor dh.

He can’t really say, we’ll friend said we shouldn’t hire her, because SIL will go to niece about it, and that could cause more problems between niece and Friend, who never asked for any of this. And dh doesn’t want to hurt friend or her dh, they have been good friends (better than his sister) to us and help us out a lot.

[Jaybee]

29 minutes ago, saraha said:

The sun rises and sets with niece (who don’t forget suggested Aide) and I’m pretty sure if dh actually speaks up and says you know, this might not be a good fit, SIL will take nieces opinion over dh’s. SIL just doesn’t want to be bothered and if a quick solution presents itself, she will want to take it. She keeps saying I want to get someone who knows someone, but so far that strategy is not working out and she has not done one thing to look outside nieces church for someone and doesn’t want to delegate.

 

It seems clear to me, but I don't have the personal emotional involvement. Dh says something, because he does know it won't be a good fit and feels responsible to at least give a warning. SIL does what she does. FsSIL gets the job and Aide quits, and before long SIL has to figure out something else. Which is going to happen at some point, because she doesn't want to do what your ILs really need.

[saraha]

Dh is mostly worried that his mom won’t like her loud ways and will start up trying to run away again. Before the Aide now there was a lady who just kind of loudly existed. Whenever she was in the house Mil tried to run away. It only happened with her, and dh thinks it’s because she just existed loudly compared to the other lady or his nephew who were much quieter people. Once she stopped coming, the running away stopped.

[Grace Hopper]

What a mess!

in your shoes, I’d keep my distance and let the chips fall where they may. 

[Harriet Vane]

Golly 

[Spryte]

Oof. I would stay out of it. 

Edited December 5, 2023 by Spryte

[bolt.]

It just seems like this whole set of conflicts is an elaborate competition of who among you-all seems to be best able to predict the future.

Since none of you can predict the future, I suggest, firmly, that most of you stop trying. And let the one person with hiring/firing power just go ahead and implement whichever choices seem best in her eyes.

When the future comes to pass will be well-soon-enough to be dealing with it.

There's no sense in pre-caring about harm or hardship that hasn't happened yet, might not happen, and won't need any response whatsoever until/unless it does happen... and is not much additional difficulty to respond to if it does come to pass. (I mean to say: it might result in needing new staff or a better care plan. Which is exact what is needed now. So there's no delta between the current situation and the situation at the future situation at trailing edge of a different potentially unsuitable helper.)

[Faith-manor]

I feel like this latest drama needs finger foods and cocktails, not just popcorn.

Sarah, just sit back and let it unfold. Rehearse this phrase, "Not my circus, not my monkeys" and let it go. Do not engage in ANYTHINg if the fur hits the fan.

[Grace Hopper]

btw the last thing your dh needs is more stress inducing drama. 

[BusyMom5]

Your SIL is such a difficult personality!  I would steer clear of any decisions she is making and hold that line!  She doesn't allow you into the loop and dismisses DH, so not much you can do but watch.  From what the Aide has said, I wonder if she even thought SIL liked her only coming a few days a week- like maybe she complained about the cost? Or FiL Complained about someone always being there?  SIL did owe it to her to set a schedule and let her know what was required.  I can absolutely see a miscommunication happening here. 

What would I do?  Nothing.  Absolutely nothing.  I would take dinner as planned, visit with the ILs as normal and not worry about the rest.   

[Lecka]

I think at this point “a difficult person is being difficult.”

At this point, the surprising thing would be if she was not difficult.  

She has probably been this way all along, and maybe you just didn’t have the ringside seat for it.  
 

How frustrating!!!!!!!!  What a train wreck!!!!!!

 

I hope you can stay out of it and that it doesn’t get to you too much to be around this dysfunction. 

[saraha]

 

When I picked dh up, I told him all friend said and his response was, well, This will be interesting… His plan right now because SIL won’t listen to him anyway is if he gets to ask any questions to ask how long she expects to see herself working for them and how it would be best to communicate things that might be problems with her. He absolutely feels like Sil did the aide wrong, and hopes by asking those questions maybe communication might be smoother. Or not since sil didn’t really communicate with aide. Other than that he’s staying out of it.

[saraha]

3 hours ago, Grace Hopper said:

btw the last thing your dh needs is more stress inducing drama. 

Tell me about it.

[Clarita]

4 hours ago, Faith-manor said:

Sarah, just sit back and let it unfold. Rehearse this phrase, "Not my circus, not my monkeys" and let it go. Do not engage in ANYTHINg if the fur hits the fan.

By all means keep us updated about this potential train wreck. 🍿

[SKL]

It's a good thing you stayed pretty much out of it.

My only advice would be to tell family members to keep this matter as private as possible.  Should be a no-brainer that you don't discuss health matters nor employment matters in a public place.

Don't be surprised if the current aide just stops showing up all together.  Her full-time job is now job-hunting.

[SKL]

But on the other hand, at least you no longer have to worry about your friend finding out, getting mad, and informing the current aide.

[saraha]

So today’s interesting bit… I asked dh if I’m taking him over this evening or if his db was stopping on his way by and he said SIL said that she texted FsSIL to confirm for this evening and never got a response…

[QueenCat]

3 hours ago, saraha said:

So today’s interesting bit… I asked dh if I’m taking him over this evening or if his db was stopping on his way by and he said SIL said that she texted FsSIL to confirm for this evening and never got a response…

Not showing up for an interview could be the best way to get this one out of the way.