How to make yourself do what you know you should do

[TexasProud]

5 minutes ago, Rosie_0801 said:

You're being wrong on the internet! :svengo:

Absolutely.  I do stuff wrong all the time. I admit that.  It is just hard for me to see people who don't have a problem with what they do.  At least I know it is wrong. 

[Green Bean]

Watch Psych. I feel for you. Back pain is a constant for me. But the 6 big babies were so worth it!

[KungFuPanda]

You are injured. It takes energy to heal. Do whatever you want to pass the time. You’re getting something out of arguing on the internet. If you weren’t, you’d get bored and stop. 
 

As for the other things you should be doing . . . what are the consequences of not doing those things? Are there real deadlines? Will you not be able to pay your mortgage? What happens if you don’t write your paper or read your book? Your hobbies aren’t the boss of you and when they cease to bring joy you CAN pivot and do something else. Or nothing. Have a vacation. Learn to like what you like unapologetically. Meditate or watch tv or argue online. 
 

Not everything is a moral dilemma. 

[annandatje]

.  Decided against getting drawn into thread.

Edited July 25, 2023 by annandatje

[TexasProud]

3 minutes ago, annandatje said:

So have the friend change password on all four accounts.  

If you are going to set up a fifth account, surrender your laptop to a friend.  

Sure, you will have to be creative about how you get your other work done.  

Question is would you simply purchase another computer?  If yes, I am out of ideas. 

I don't have a friend I could do that with.

I guess I don't know how to make podcasts, upload them, create my Substack or my blog stuff without a laptop.

[Ausmumof3]

Given that I was meant to get up at 7 this morning and didn’t till nearly 9 I’m probably not the person to give advice. 
 

But I do know that willpower is not the answer.

[Melissa Louise]

1 minute ago, Ausmumof3 said:

Given that I was meant to get up at 7 this morning and didn’t till nearly 9 I’m probably not the person to give advice. 
 

But I do know that willpower is not the answer.

QFT

 

[Ginevra]

3 hours ago, Catwoman said:

Is it really that the person is wrong, or is that the person being very nasty to you?

I'm sorry you're so upset and I don't know which thread you're talking about, but maybe the person is intentionally trying to make you feel badly. Don't let that person win!

I mean…there is at least one member around here that I think trolls for trouble on the regular. I ignore that person. 
 

Either way, Texas really should block and never look back. My happiness quotient went way up when I blocked and ignored people on all my platforms. 

[Ginevra]

1 hour ago, KungFuPanda said:

You are injured. It takes energy to heal. Do whatever you want to pass the time. You’re getting something out of arguing on the internet. If you weren’t, you’d get bored and stop. 

Ooooooh. That’s accurate. When I used to do that, I was so I could wallow in my self-righteousness. I couldn’t see that except in retrospect but I do see it now. I just wanted to soapbox my Righty-Righteous-Rightness. Little Miss Can’t-Be-Wrong. Hermione Granger, Book 1, lol. 

[Melissa Louise]

6 minutes ago, Ginevra said:

I mean…there is at least one member around here that I think trolls for trouble on the regular. I ignore that person. 
 

Either way, Texas really should block and never look back. My happiness quotient went way up when I blocked and ignored people on all my platforms. 

People are complicated. 

I block some posters for my own mental well-being.

I also try to remember that not everyone has our best interests at heart.

Some people have very different interests.  That's OK, but it's good to remember.

 

 

 

[Ginevra]

1 hour ago, TexasProud said:

Yeah, I would just make another board name. I know..it is against the rules, but I have had like 4 or more names.  Some y'all haven't discovered yet.  I just use them occasionally to keep them current. 

At one point, I had to log myself out of a social media group and then delete the app. I was “allowed” to visit through a browser but I mostly didn’t because I made it just inconvenient enough that I didn’t want to go through the trouble. 
 

I use the habit hacks from James Clear’s Atomic Habits. He has such great advice on how to decrease the likelihood of doing things you want to stop (I.e., make it inconvenient, make it unrewarding, make it harder…) and increase the likelihood of doing things you want to do (the reverse: make it convenient, make it rewarding, make it easy…). I hack habits often, usually with good success. 
 

When I wanted to quit using sugar in my coffee, I put the sugar bowl away in an inconvenient cabinet. It was so much easier to quit, because I could not be bothered to walk over to another cabinet just for sugar. So I stopped. 

[TexasProud]

5 minutes ago, Ginevra said:

At one point, I had to log myself out of a social media group and then delete the app. I was “allowed” to visit through a browser but I mostly didn’t because I made it just inconvenient enough that I didn’t want to go through the trouble. 
 

I use the habit hacks from James Clear’s Atomic Habits. He has such great advice on how to decrease the likelihood of doing things you want to stop (I.e., make it inconvenient, make it unrewarding, make it harder…) and increase the likelihood of doing things you want to do (the reverse: make it convenient, make it rewarding, make it easy…). I hack habits often, usually with good success. 
 

When I wanted to quit using sugar in my coffee, I put the sugar bowl away in an inconvenient cabinet. It was so much easier to quit, because I could not be bothered to walk over to another cabinet just for sugar. So I stopped. 

See, I get that and I kinda did that last week.  I felt good and successful.  I didn't work the whole time.  I had fun.  But I did enough work to be productive.  Part of that means leaving this house to do the work. I created meetings, went to the church stretch group (which honestly...I wouldn't call stretching, but still I did some band work with my arms and it was social), went to the coffee shop and worked. 

  I cannot do any of that. Driving in the car would be excruciating (I drove the church Sunday, tried to do praise team, but had to leave after 5 minutes.  I cried on the way home.)  It would mean completely redoing the hacks I just barely figured out. I am hoping the doctor can give me a good diagnosis with quick treatment tomorrow. We will see. I feel better today, but I have been very, very sedentary whereas I at least tried to do a little housework on Saturday. But after attempting church, I have pretty much sat in this stupid chair going completely stir crazy. 

And the other thing with Atomic Habits is I may have them in decent shape, but then Sept 1 I will be traveling for 6 weeks, so the habits all go away. 

[Resilient]

1 hour ago, annandatje said:

.  Decided against getting drawn into thread.

That’s what I just decided to do.  Thanks for leading the way.  
 

TexasProud: this is how you do it.  You just…don’t go there.  Acknowledge it’s not your job/worth your time. 

[BlsdMama]

5 hours ago, regentrude said:

but you still don't need to argue with a stranger on the internet who is wrong 🙂

You won't be changing their mind anyway

I wish if caught onto that twenty years ago! 👀 

 

i sympathize. I ate so well for two years and now I know I should but I’m not motivated. What motivation did you have last week?

[Rosie_0801]

Where do you get the energy to fight Reality like this?

Of course you will feel less productive when you're spouse is away.
Of course your habits will change when you go away from home.
Of course you can't keep your normal routines when you're in pain.

Of course I'm sitting here eating cold soup for breakfast when it is nearly lunch time even though I've been up for hours, because I don't want to wash a pot to heat it up, because I'm stuck in a sensory overload from spending a week in my bed reading a Soviet history book that was 934 pages long, which has given me exhaustingly intense dreams and I knew before I started wasn't going to be a fun read.

Stuff has consequences. There's nothing anyone can do or say to change that. God made the world spin this way. God made humans human this way. Arguing with Him never does any good. He's not going to let you be superhuman. He's only going to let you be a decent human, so be a decent human, be as healthy as you can manage and don't beat yourself up for not achieving perfections God won't let you achieve. 

[Melissa Louise]

 

45 minutes ago, TexasProud said:

See, I get that and I kinda did that last week.  I felt good and successful.  I didn't work the whole time.  I had fun.  But I did enough work to be productive.  Part of that means leaving this house to do the work. I created meetings, went to the church stretch group (which honestly...I wouldn't call stretching, but still I did some band work with my arms and it was social), went to the coffee shop and worked. 

  I cannot do any of that. Driving in the car would be excruciating (I drove the church Sunday, tried to do praise team, but had to leave after 5 minutes.  I cried on the way home.)  It would mean completely redoing the hacks I just barely figured out. I am hoping the doctor can give me a good diagnosis with quick treatment tomorrow. We will see. I feel better today, but I have been very, very sedentary whereas I at least tried to do a little housework on Saturday. But after attempting church, I have pretty much sat in this stupid chair going completely stir crazy. 

And the other thing with Atomic Habits is I may have them in decent shape, but then Sept 1 I will be traveling for 6 weeks, so the habits all go away. 

Being productive is not the sum of your value. 

Maybe your back is telling you something!  

I spent last week in intense emotional  suffering. I wrote down deep into the bitter heart of it. It helped. Can you write into your pain, helplessness, irritation and immobility? 

 

Edited July 25, 2023 by Melissa Louise

[Resilient]

With good will;  maybe it is a good path for the sake of your sanity / soul / health to step back from these discussion boards and from the internet.  Maybe even for 40 days.  The re-evaluate. 
 

btdt.  
 

 

[TexasProud]

59 minutes ago, Resilient said:

With good will;  maybe it is a good path for the sake of your sanity / soul / health to step back from these discussion boards and from the internet.  Maybe even for 40 days.  The re-evaluate. 
 

btdt.  
 

 

I agree. But I cannot make myself do it. 

[Ginevra]

3 hours ago, TexasProud said:

I agree. But I cannot make myself do it. 

Yes, you can. You’re not a zombie or a robot. You can make yourself do it, but you’re too busy running the narrative that you “can’t”. But ultimately you CAN. 

[*Jessica*]

16 minutes ago, Ginevra said:

Yes, you can. You’re not a zombie or a robot. You can make yourself do it, but you’re too busy running the narrative that you “can’t”. But ultimately you CAN. 

I think there is a strong possibility that this is not true.  I think Texas has an addiction and the only way to stop is with strategies used to treat addiction.  

[regentrude]

3 hours ago, TexasProud said:

I agree. But I cannot make myself do it. 

You might want to examine what benefit you reap specifically by posting about your inability to quit the board.

What I noticed is that not only you participate in discussions (which would be a normal diversion, especially when you're not feeling well)  but that you repeatedly open the same topic: your perceived inability to do what you feel you "should" and your spending time the board instead.

I suggest you ask yourself why that is, and try to be honest with yourself in the answer. You don't do this nilly willy. You do it because this line of discussion,  and the responses you get, fulfill some *need* in you, satisfy something that you don't know to get in another way.

I feel that understanding this root may be the key, since this isn't simply a question of lacking discipline. 

 

[SKL]

Maybe make some new rules for yourself and transfer your obsession / addiction to the new rules.  (I do this.)

For example:  "before I respond to something I find WRONG on the internet, I will spend at least 60 seconds genuinely trying to understand what experiences would make a person think that way."

Also:  "I will limit myself to no more than 2 posts on a highly controversial (to me) thread."

And even "I am not even going to click on any threads on topics X, Y, or Z unless I have absolutely nothing else to do."

Old things our moms used to say apply here.  "Don't lower yourself to their level" for example.  "Be the bigger person." 

You're an adult.  You are making a choice to engage.  You have the ability to stop it.

Blaming someone who literally has no control over you is essentially signing your brain over to the trolls and bots.  If you really don't want to do this, you can stop.  If you don't stop, you're getting something from it that want to keep getting.

[marbel]

1 hour ago, SKL said:

If you don't stop, you're getting something from it that want to keep getting.

Dopamine hit from the responses/attention? Even if they are upsetting? 

OP, if you want to stop engaging here, you need to find something to replace it. Something easy to switch to when you have the desire to read and/or respond. 

 

[Toocrazy!!]

This is a totally different direction, but I found it fascinating and really helpful to me- about neuro plasticity and how you can change what you think by what you read and watch and think. One tiny part of her talk is that neuroscientists don’t watch the news because they can see the effect that has on our brain and our mood, etc. There’s a lot more to it obviously. But the brain is fascinating. You feel and think what you consume and you do have power over your brain to change that up. 
 

https://dhrupurohit.com/dp-ep398/#ql-video

[Indigo Blue]

39 minutes ago, Toocrazy!! said:

One tiny part of her talk is that neuroscientists don’t watch the news because they can see the effect that has on our brain and our mood, etc. There’s a lot more to it obviously. But the brain is fascinating. You feel and think what you consume and you do have power over your brain to change that up. 

This is so interesting, and I agree with this!! That’s why I’m super picky about what I watch or read. I have enough trauma in my brain, and I’m not going to complicate or worsen my mental state. It does make a difference!! This is purely MY opinion and is what I do. I don’t think anyone else is wrong for doing it differently. 

[Clarita]

19 hours ago, TexasProud said:

LOL, they do not have 12 step programs for message boards...  

I know this was tongue in cheek, but there is a lot of similarities to quitting addictions that aren't drug addictions to quitting drug addictions. There just isn't the same chemical withdrawals as there are with some drug addictions.

Seriously, I think the biggest key to addiction is to tell someone in real life about it and say "It's a PROBLEM." and tell them you need real help with it. That's probably the hardest part of a non-drug addiction is sometimes people talk about these as "problems" in more of a joking way and people are not always aware to take their friend's addiction seriously. In terms of the "I can't I can't I can't", I've never met an addict that said I can quit an addiction by myself from shear will-power. (Even if they quit cold turkey, every one of them talks about people in their real lives supporting and helping them.)

To quit the boards might literally be to disconnect the internet to your home. Oh what will you do about your blogs/podcasts etc. well you can make them and your people in real life can post them for you. What lengths do you have to go to fix this addiction depends on how bad you think it is. Some people just set limits with their alcohol consumption and that's enough, others never touch another drop in their life, and still others can't even be around other people who are drinking or are talking about drinking.

[Terabith]

I’m pretty good at making myself do things I don’t want to do and to a lesser extent but not terribly, not doing things I don’t want to do. 
 

But what I’m not good at is when things go wrong, even if only wrong in my head (sometimes real life things are great), I decide that I’m a terrible, disgusting, repulsive person who makes everyone’s lives worse and that suicide is the logical, rational thing to do to fix that problem.  When things go wrong, even stupid little things, the shame becomes absolutely all encompassing.  It can be terrifying.  

[Pam in CT]

Step 1 of all the 12 Step Programs...

22 minutes ago, Clarita said:

I know this was tongue in cheek, but there is a lot of similarities to quitting addictions that aren't drug addictions to quitting drug addictions. There just isn't the same chemical withdrawals as there are with some drug addictions.

Seriously, I think the biggest key to addiction is to tell someone in real life about it and say "It's a PROBLEM." and tell them you need real help with it. That's probably the hardest part of a non-drug addiction is sometimes people talk about these as "problems" in more of a joking way and people are not always aware to take their friend's addiction seriously. In terms of the "I can't I can't I can't", I've never met an addict that said I can quit an addiction by myself from shear will-power. ...

... is, literally, this.

Quote

1. We admitted we were powerless over [ xxxxx ] — that our lives had become unmanageable.

Doesn't matter how fully we might embrace Step 2, the higher power, or not.  Step 1 cannot be skipped.

[WildflowerMom]

16 minutes ago, Terabith said:

I’m pretty good at making myself do things I don’t want to do and to a lesser extent but not terribly, not doing things I don’t want to do. 
 

But what I’m not good at is when things go wrong, even if only wrong in my head (sometimes real life things are great), I decide that I’m a terrible, disgusting, repulsive person who makes everyone’s lives worse and that suicide is the logical, rational thing to do to fix that problem.  When things go wrong, even stupid little things, the shame becomes absolutely all encompassing.  It can be terrifying.  

Me, too.  As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized where it came from and that has helped me some.   But honestly, meds are the only thing that have made a real impact.    

[Indigo Blue]

@Terabithyou are never, ever a terrible, disgusting person. ❤️

[Terabith]

44 minutes ago, Indigo Blue said:

@Terabithyou are never, ever a terrible, disgusting person. ❤️

Thanks. I really didn’t share this looking for validation or to make @TexasProud’s thread about me.  I just meant that we all have crazy things we struggle with and brains can be super duper stupid and we all need to give ourselves and each other tons of grace.  

[TexasProud]

10 minutes ago, Terabith said:

Thanks. I really didn’t share this looking for validation or to make @TexasProud’s thread about me.  I just meant that we all have crazy things we struggle with and brains can be super duper stupid and we all need to give ourselves and each other tons of grace.  

Thank you so much for sharing your experience @Terabith

[Carol in Cal.]

1 hour ago, Terabith said:

I’m pretty good at making myself do things I don’t want to do and to a lesser extent but not terribly, not doing things I don’t want to do. 
 

But what I’m not good at is when things go wrong, even if only wrong in my head (sometimes real life things are great), I decide that I’m a terrible, disgusting, repulsive person who makes everyone’s lives worse and that suicide is the logical, rational thing to do to fix that problem.  When things go wrong, even stupid little things, the shame becomes absolutely all encompassing.  It can be terrifying.  

When I catch myself doing that, I use kind of a process to get past it:

1.  Tell myself that it's normal to think this, and not surprising.  I've thought it before, and it wasn't true then and isn't true now.

2.  Tell myself that everyone makes mistakes, and that I do my best to avoid them, but they are not completely avoidable.  So it's time to do my best to correct this one, and that is where I need to focus.

3.  Figure out what the actual facts are about the impact of this.  What is the worst thing that could happen because of this?  Can I just prevent that at least?  (A lot of times it turns out that the worst case is not really SO bad, which is consoling.)

4.  Tell myself that I'm going to move on now, and consciously either do or plan something mitigating, or lift my thoughts onto something else.

[Ginevra]

8 hours ago, *Jessica* said:

I think there is a strong possibility that this is not true.  I think Texas has an addiction and the only way to stop is with strategies used to treat addiction.  

Even people with addictions have made themselves stop doing their thing. But it has to start by quitting this story about oneself as a person who “can’t” stop doing X. 

[Scarlett]

On 7/24/2023 at 6:31 PM, TexasProud said:

Yeah, I would just make another board name. I know..it is against the rules, but I have had like 4 or more names.  Some y'all haven't discovered yet.  I just use them occasionally to keep them current. 

What do get out of having board names you think we haven’t discovered?  Because if you reveal any of yourself you are instantly recognizable.  

[Clarita]

10 hours ago, Ginevra said:

Even people with addictions have made themselves stop doing their thing. But it has to start by quitting this story about oneself as a person who “can’t” stop doing X. 

I love this song for how to start. (Yes I know it's a little kid show but this song sums up how to get out of that I can't rut so well.)

 

[TexasProud]

4 hours ago, Clarita said:

I love this song for how to start. (Yes I know it's a little kid show but this song sums up how to get out of that I can't rut so well.)

 

Cute song, but this really doesn't apply. This reminds me of teaching my daughter, who felt like every time she started something (violin), she should play perfectly. I get this with my writing. I am writing better than I was when I started in 2020. I should be writing better in 2025 than I am now. That is different than when you wake up unable to make yourself do something.

[TexasProud]

17 hours ago, Clarita said:

 

To quit the boards might literally be to disconnect the internet to your home. Oh what will you do about your blogs/podcasts etc. well you can make them and your people in real life can post them for you. What lengths do you have to go to fix this addiction depends on how bad you think it is. Some people just set limits with their alcohol consumption and that's enough, others never touch another drop in their life, and still others can't even be around other people who are drinking or are talking about drinking.

Well, first of all, disconnecting will NOT work because hubby (and for the next month, my daughter) need to use it.

Plus, I hate it, but our whole lives revolve around internet:
I have several writing groups that are online only.
We travel a lot and both research and making reservations, etc. require internet.
The mission groups that we lead twice a year require me to email/Google classroom all of the newbies many times for them to know what is expected.
Our budget software is online and is too complicated to do with pen and paper.
I know need to complete quarterly taxes online, finish creating and maintaining sales platform for my devotions, etc. 

I am sure there are more, but that is quick off the top of my head. I really wish I could return to the late 80's early nineties with pagers rather than smart phones, with just call the travel place, call people, etc. 

And guys, I have absolutely no friends close enough that I would do this. 

[TexasProud]

Blood work looked pretty good. 

For the first time ever, my total cholesterol, LDL and HDL were all within normal range.  My triglycerides were high, but big surprise with as many sweets as I have been eating. 
My BUN/Creatine ratio was a little high, not surprising since I hadn't had anything to eat or drink since 9pm or so the night before and it was nearly noon before they took the sample. 
ferritin was in the normal range, but man the normal range is so wide: 10-265.  I had 35. 

He took an x-ray of my spine and it looks fine. He thinks it is muscular.  He gave me a prescription for a muscle relaxer and high-dose ibuprofen. It was a little better before I went anyway. Hopefully, this will help more. He said to do life normally.  Let him know if it doesn't resolve in a week or two. 
 

[TexasProud]

22 hours ago, SKL said:

Maybe make some new rules for yourself and transfer your obsession / addiction to the new rules.  (I do this.)

For example:  "before I respond to something I find WRONG on the internet, I will spend at least 60 seconds genuinely trying to understand what experiences would make a person think that way."

Also:  "I will limit myself to no more than 2 posts on a highly controversial (to me) thread."

And even "I am not even going to click on any threads on topics X, Y, or Z unless I have absolutely nothing else to do."

Old things our moms used to say apply here.  "Don't lower yourself to their level" for example.  "Be the bigger person." 

You're an adult.  You are making a choice to engage.  You have the ability to stop it.

Blaming someone who literally has no control over you is essentially signing your brain over to the trolls and bots.  If you really don't want to do this, you can stop.  If you don't stop, you're getting something from it that want to keep getting.

 

20 hours ago, marbel said:

Dopamine hit from the responses/attention? Even if they are upsetting? 

OP, if you want to stop engaging here, you need to find something to replace it. Something easy to switch to when you have the desire to read and/or respond. 

 

I have been pondering this question.  I can make the rules and most days I will be fine.  But when I get in a certain mindset, thinking seems to go away. Also, I can and do avoid threads that have titles where I know I cannot go. But sometimes, like a movie thread I thought would be fun, turns and then once I am engaged, I cannot make myself stop.  That is only on this board and nowhere else. I am a conflict avoided and run from it in real life and on what little social media I use (which isn't much, mainly for my writing).

Here are some of the factors. One or more may apply:
Most of the time I am typically bored, but have no brain power to actually do anything..I cannot focus. 
I am lonely. There is no one I can call or talk to.
It is a sensitive issue and I have no one to talk to about it.
I need guidance and have no one to talk to about it.
I want to hear that I am ok.

I do not know what to replace it with since that is the issue many times.  Like this recent time: 4 days mainly sitting in my recliner, without the physical ability to do much else and no one here to talk to... 

I should be better now that I can get out some, at least. 
 

[Rosie_0801]

And sometimes to get angry enough that adrenaline fuelled contrariness will kick in, and throw you back into productivity again.

[pinball]

On 7/24/2023 at 7:31 PM, TexasProud said:

Yeah, I would just make another board name. I know..it is against the rules, but I have had like 4 or more names.  Some y'all haven't discovered yet.  I just use them occasionally to keep them current. 

Just like an alcoholic hiding bottles everywhere…

attention-seeking is easy on message boards bc you can keep being different person until you get some responses 

 

[TexasProud]

1 minute ago, pinball said:

Just like an alcoholic hiding bottles everywhere…

attention-seeking is easy on message boards bc you can keep being different person until you get some responses 

 

But what I find myself curious about is why only here? Not anywhere else.

[Mrs Tiggywinkle Again]

14 minutes ago, TexasProud said:

But what I find myself curious about is why only here? Not anywhere else.

I’m a member of a couple of forums but this particular forum is one of the few that hasn’t gravitated to IG or Facebook and people still participate.

I am incredibly lonely too and don’t really have anyone IRL to ask advice from, so I come here.  I get it.

[Rosie_0801]

Why shouldn't a person want attention?

[Kanin]

On 7/25/2023 at 3:33 AM, TexasProud said:

I agree. But I cannot make myself do it. 

Instead of either doing it 100% or doing it 0%, what about a different percent? When you feel like checking the boards, could you wait 30 minutes? An hour?

These kinds of message boards give our brains something they like. Maybe it's dopamine. Anyway, we're seeking novelty and excitement, and the possibility of seeing a new post is that. Same with why people get stuck on FB, TikTok, etc. 

My DH is a very 100% or 0% person. He either wants to run 3 miles, or zero because "3 miles is the best so what's the point of doing anything less than the best?" It's hard for him to navigate the in-between possibilities. So, I think trying something in-between, like delaying board-ing for a hour or something, is a place to start. You could think of it as practicing tolerating it. Just like other practicing, it'll be hard at first and eventually become easier. 

[marbel]

3 hours ago, TexasProud said:

Here are some of the factors. One or more may apply:
Most of the time I am typically bored, but have no brain power to actually do anything..I cannot focus. 
I am lonely. There is no one I can call or talk to.
It is a sensitive issue and I have no one to talk to about it.
I need guidance and have no one to talk to about it.
I want to hear that I am ok.

I think those are all valid reasons for engaging in conversation. And this board is great for that. There's almost always someone ready to respond and there is a lot of knowledge and wisdom here (there's also a lot of snark and self-righteousness, of course). 

Though on your last one: I'm not sure what you mean by ok. And I think there are times when a message board of strangers may be a very bad place to seek assurance that one is ok. 

Somewhere in the board rules or guidelines there is something (IIRC) about not needing to have the last word on something. I take that to heart when I believe someone is wrong and I feel the need to keep on about it.  I've gotten a lot better about letting stuff drop, I think. 

[Clarita]

6 hours ago, TexasProud said:

Cute song, but this really doesn't apply. This reminds me of teaching my daughter, who felt like every time she started something (violin), she should play perfectly. I get this with my writing. I am writing better than I was when I started in 2020. I should be writing better in 2025 than I am now. That is different than when you wake up unable to make yourself do something.

It's not different. The "ability to make yourself do something", not being on the boards, or eating healthier is learning a new skill. So when you fall off the wagon it's the same as when your daughter made a mistake playing the violin. Just like writing or violin playing, sitting around dwelling on "I can't" and all the ways you can't make a change isn't going to help. So, you woke up one day and sat on the boards for 12 hours, then "Whoopsies you made a mistake, but it's OK." Tomorrow is another day to practice doing better. Then guess what you'll get better and better everyday, every month, every year. 

Honestly with everything you describe I don't really think you have a "problem". I think you need to like yourself more. However I don't know you, the only red flag I see that you might have a problem is when you talk about hiding your actions. Things like replacing your husband's half eaten chocolate, or using other usernames to check out this board... Hiding is a very typical symptom of someone who is addicted to something. (Absolutely there can be other reasons for hiding.)

[lovinmyboys]

I like these boards. I’m sure I am missing something, but it seems reasonable to come here when you are lonely, want to chat, have a thought to share, need advice, etc. 

I have learned so much from these boards and am grateful for people who spend their time here (including you)

[prairiewindmomma]

47 minutes ago, Clarita said:

I think you need to like yourself more. However I don't know you, the only red flag I see that you might have a problem is when you talk about hiding your actions. Things like replacing your husband's half eaten chocolate, or using other usernames to check out this board... Hiding is a very typical symptom of someone who is addicted to something. (Absolutely there can be other reasons for hiding.)

I don't see OP's behaviors as addictions.  I think a lot of the hiding behaviors are shame driven.  She feels shame having eaten chocolate, so she hides it.  She has snarky things to say that she doesn't want attached to her name so she hides it.  She has thoughts and feelings she doesn't think she can safely express in her IRL because people might not like her as much, and so, because of shame, she hides those thoughts and feelings.

I think OP is holding herself to some sort of unrealistic idealized view of what she should be, and spends a lot of time in self-flagellation about it. That's got to feel miserable.