I’m a prude - HoCo dresses

[Katy]

26 minutes ago, Terabith said:

I am all for girls wearing whatever they like and feel comfortable in.  
 

I don’t like dressmakers and fashion deciding that everyone has to wear the same shirt, tight dresses.  Or long, dresses. I really want fashion to be more heterogeneous and individual and have lots of options.  But apparently that’s not how it works.  Nobody asked me.  

I think now that more and more companies are offering custom clothing, we’ll probably see more adults dressed exactly how they like. But idk that we’ll ever see that in teens. Too much of it is about fitting in and social identity, and sticking to the trends that your friends like is part of that at that age. 

[SKL]

And this is one of the opinions that evolve as my kids get older.

Honestly, my overarching feeling for my 11th grade daughters was that I'm so glad they feel confident being physically who they are.

When I was their age, I was terrified of the idea of going to a dance, wearing a fashionable dress, ... heck, I wouldn't even wear shorts.  That isn't something I'm proud of, nor do I want to pass that down to my kids.

I love a nice modest dress!  My eldest found what I'd consider the perfect dress for homecoming last year.  Great coverage and still cute.  This year's dress was a bit shorter, but still within reasonable norms for a high school dance IMO.  (She re-used something rather than buy what the stores offer now ... which is somewhat telling.)  But my eldest has a body that almost every style suits.  My youngest, who had no dresses in her closet, is more curvy and v-shaped.  She insisted on a dress with long sleeves, but was unbothered by the short length or by bodices that covered less than a bra.  Whatever I chose to say was likely to make or break her resolve to attend the dance at all.  So I decided to let her lead on this.  (Then, I got her a bra that wouldn't show, helped her to pin the bodice for best coverage, and insisted on shorts under the dress.  :P)  [She also wore Converse shoes, which I thought was weird, but I guess that is now fashionable too ....]

That said, I didn't like the dresses enough to post them in my social media.  But I'm glad my kids weren't afraid to go to the dance in those dresses.

This probably wouldn't make sense to me when my kids were younger.

[pinball]

41 minutes ago, Terabith said:

I am all for girls wearing whatever they like and feel comfortable in.  
 

I don’t like dressmakers and fashion deciding that everyone has to wear the same shirt, tight dresses.  Or long, dresses. I really want fashion to be more heterogeneous and individual and have lots of options.  But apparently that’s not how it works.  Nobody asked me.  

Unfortunately, in many situations, conformity is safe.

[teachermom2834]

I also have to say while we are complaining about homecoming that not only do I love the comfortable shoe trend with the sneakers being acceptable attire but I also love that kids will just go together in friend groups without dates. Some kids go with dates but around here at least there is no pressure toward that. So not only can girls wear what they want but they also are not sitting home because no one asked them to go or stressing about a date until the last minute or going with someone they don’t like just to have a date. I’m sure this varies by region but I have seen homecoming pics from all over the eastern side of the country and lots of friend groups and not so many couple pics. So while we begroan kids today I’m going to focus on some positives 😊

[BlsdMama]

Shipping was rough. I thought prom was hard but HoCo was worse. DD14 found a dress that was cute but when she walked it went shorter. Black biking shorts and two safety pins later, it stayed put. Thank you YouTube!

 Mine, in dresses and heels, went to a haunted house with a group after. 👀 I’m shocked they didn’t break heels or necks, but all parties had a blast. 

[KungFuPanda]

14 hours ago, City Mouse said:

I saw some pictures of a cousin’s kids dressed up for homecoming and had the same thoughts. Plus I hate the abbreviation of HOCO. It makes me come up with some less than polite thoughts, but yes, I think I am just old.

My county has been abbreviated HoCo forever, so when it became a homecoming thing it got a little confusing around here with the hashtags. 

[rebcoola]

The stores don't have a lot of variety from what I can tell.  ODD is wearing this to her homecoming with her Dr. Martens.  She loves that style and looked online.  Im sure we would have wound up with something quite different if we had gone down to the mall.  https://a.co/d/8PIH1Bq she is going with a group of friends who are all guys.

[El...]

7 minutes ago, rebcoola said:

The stores don't have a lot of variety from what I can tell.  ODD is wearing this to her homecoming with her Dr. Martens.  She loves that style and looked online.  Im sure we would have wound up with something quite different if we had gone down to the mall.  https://a.co/d/8PIH1Bq she is going with a group of friends who are all guys.

Wow, that's cute! And I bet it's even better with those shoes. 

[Alice]

16 hours ago, ktgrok said:

Same. 

But what really freaks me out are the dance costumes for kids' dance competitions. THOSE are beyond the pale at some places. NO difference between those outfits and what the women wear in the XXX billboards on the highway. Poses are a bit too similar as well. It's so disturbing. 

and I say that as someone that has no issue with most clothing on kids/teens. 

This so much. I don’t really care what teens who choose their own clothes are wearing. But my daughter is a dancer and some of the costumes/routines are appalling. The worst I saw was a group of girls who were dressed in black and red costumes that were essentially lingerie. Not that I’m saying it was as bad as lingerie...that you wouldn’t have been able to tell the difference in the costumes and a catalog for fairly racy lingerie. They had a red velvet couch on the stage that they danced around/on and the song was Voulez Vous Coucher Avec Moi. The dance was super sexualized. If they had been 17-18 I would have thought, "well, that’s a choice" and let it go. But they were roughly 10-12. There is no way any of those kids chose that song or that dance or those costumes and I found it just disturbing that this is what adults were choosing for them. 

The somewhat funny thing after was that my daughter happened to be in the next dance. Their costume was this long black skirt with a kind of mock-turtleneck long sleeved orangey brown lace top and the dance was a more balletic style. My friends sitting next to me whispered "well, that’s a different vibe". (And not to say that a particular dance style or revealing costumes are bad...our studio has ones that are much skimpier and does all kinds of dance. It was just a jarring contrast. And I do think that super revealing sexualized dance/costume for pre-teens is bad). 

6 hours ago, plansrme said:

Last weekend, my husband and I were having dinner in a restaurant that was full of HOCO groups, and I thought the same thing--that the girls did not look comfortable in their dresses and that they were all wearing the same dress. Sure, it was in slightly different colors, but--it was the same dress: short (so short the girls kept pulling them down every time they moved; how they were going to dance or get in or out of cars was a mystery to me), sparkly, body-con, and mostly strapless. And their hair was all the same as well--long, flat-ironed and then curled on a curling iron. The boys' attire, on the other hand, was all over the place, so that was progress.

Same. We dropped our 10th grader off at one restaurant and went to another location. We were sitting outside and there were tons of HoCo gropus around. The shortness of the dresses didn’t really bother me in terms of modesty but I did keep thinking they looked uncomfortable. The girls would talk a few steps, stop, pull down their skirt. Walk a few more, repeat. But I also wearing doing stuff that looking back I would find silly or uncomfortable and at the time I loved.

My son commented that all the girls were basically wearing the same dress, just in slightly different colors. He really likes fashion so he found that odd. But I also think it takes a certain kind of bravery or a person who is popular/stylish/very attractive to go against the grain in high school. I was no that person so I don’t blame the girls who also are more trying to fit in than stand out. 

[GoVanGogh]

3 hours ago, gardenmom5 said:

They were ugly. 

ugly colors for decor . . . harvest gold, avocado green, brown . . . My mother made an afghan out of those colors.  She ordered two-tone green shag carpet.    I came home from school and was like  . . .😮 but it was also all the rage.

dh told stories for years of his mother *painting* mahogany furniture avocado green . . (needless to say, he hates the color.)  we had the avocado green corelle dishes.  They were just  . . ugly.

I recall the vintage house we saw while house shopping for dd.  It was well maintained - but bright orange formica countertops . . . ugh.

 

I did like my mid-calf plaid wool skirts.   Kinda miss those boots too. (not cheap, as a teen I bought them at Nordstrom) but I don't think I miss much else.  oh - famolares.  (apparently, they're back.)

I love all that. In fact, my kitchen color is named cilantro green, which is really just the new name for avocado green. I am an antique dealer, though. Well, more vintage than antique. I just picked up an avocado green travel bag from Sears yesterday, along with a harvest gold Haeger pottery piece. The ‘70 look has been a strong seller for the past three years. I am totally out on the shag carpet. That was nasty. But latch hook, macrame and string art are in again with the bohemian style, so shag carpet may be next. I hope not. 

[BlsdMama]

Meh, I’ll bite. I don’t think most teens wear short dresses because they’re confident about their body. I saw an awful lot of girls at our being park/Greenhouse area (a popular spot for photos)  I think they do it for different reasons - maybe because there is a decided lack of cute dresses that are short without being crazy short, because of a desire to fit in, wanting to be deemed attractive, and sure, maybe body confidence. My Junior year I wore a dress that has very little fabric, and yes, I was very body confident, but I was still pulling my concept of what was important about me from my body and/or attractiveness, and while it’s easy to say, “How great that you loved your body,” the truth was (for me) it was really damaging to pull worth from attractiveness. I’m annoyed that designers want young woman to bare a lot of skin because I think it sends a message that by doing so and receiving approval/admiration for doing so that it reinforces with our value comes from attractiveness.

[SKL]

1 minute ago, BlsdMama said:

Meh, I’ll bite. I don’t think most teens wear short dresses because they’re confident about their body. I saw an awful lot of girls at our being park/Greenhouse area (a popular spot for photos)  I think they do it for different reasons - maybe because there is a decided lack of cute dresses that are short without being crazy short, because of a desire to fit in, wanting to be deemed attractive, and sure, maybe body confidence. My Junior year I wore a dress that has very little fabric, and yes, I was very body confident, but I was still pulling my concept of what was important about me from my body and/or attractiveness, and while it’s easy to say, “How great that you loved your body,” the truth was (for me) it was really damaging to pull worth from attractiveness. I’m annoyed that designers want young woman to bare a lot of skin because I think it sends a message that by doing so and receiving approval/admiration for doing so that it reinforces with our value comes from attractiveness.

I’m more saying it’s good that they don’t hate or fear their body … as a mom who did and whose kid did in the recent past.

And we’re talking about 2-3 hours out of the year (or longer).  I don’t see that “defining” anyone.

[Tanaqui]

We should probably start a spinoff for home decor, but meh, I'll bite: The 70s may have had "ugly colors", but at least they HAD colors, instead of all slate gray, beige, greige, white, off-white, black, and stainless steel.

Compare TOS design to modern Trek design - sure, they were weirdly wearing miniskirts in space (wtf?), but at least it wasn't 50% grimdark colors and 50% ipads design.

Edited October 9, 2022 by Tanaqui

[katilac]

19 hours ago, Katy said:

 Do these clothes really not signal the same things they did 20 years ago?   

Thankfully not. 

[Wheres Toto]

I just got back from shopping with youngest dd for fall/winter clothes.  So much ugly.   Ugly colors, ugly patterns, ugly shapes.    She wanted some dresses and it was hard to find anything that had sleeves, wasn't super ugly colors, or really weird ruffles and drapes.   Only other option was sweater dresses.  

I see quite a few kids around here that are non-conforming and just wear what they like.    There's always a couple that like to wear vintage styles, a few that dress gender neutral or gender-switching.  It seems like there's more acceptance for anything goes than in the 80's when I grew up. 

[Ting Tang]

3 hours ago, BlsdMama said:

Shipping was rough. I thought prom was hard but HoCo was worse. DD14 found a dress that was cute but when she walked it went shorter. Black biking shorts and two safety pins later, it stayed put. Thank you YouTube!

 Mine, in dresses and heels, went to a haunted house with a group after. 👀 I’m shocked they didn’t break heels or necks, but all parties had a blast. 

That is a great hack!

[Murphy101]

It’s not just the shocking amount of skin showing. It’s that they have absolutely zero concept that they can’t move in those clothes the same as they do in jeans and a T-shirt.

[Ting Tang]

3 hours ago, Alice said:

This so much. I don’t really care what teens who choose their own clothes are wearing. But my daughter is a dancer and some of the costumes/routines are appalling. The worst I saw was a group of girls who were dressed in black and red costumes that were essentially lingerie. Not that I’m saying it was as bad as lingerie...that you wouldn’t have been able to tell the difference in the costumes and a catalog for fairly racy lingerie. They had a red velvet couch on the stage that they danced around/on and the song was Voulez Vous Coucher Avec Moi. The dance was super sexualized. If they had been 17-18 I would have thought, "well, that’s a choice" and let it go. But they were roughly 10-12. There is no way any of those kids chose that song or that dance or those costumes and I found it just disturbing that this is what adults were choosing for them. 

The somewhat funny thing after was that my daughter happened to be in the next dance. Their costume was this long black skirt with a kind of mock-turtleneck long sleeved orangey brown lace top and the dance was a more balletic style. My friends sitting next to me whispered "well, that’s a different vibe". (And not to say that a particular dance style or revealing costumes are bad...our studio has ones that are much skimpier and does all kinds of dance. It was just a jarring contrast. And I do think that super revealing sexualized dance/costume for pre-teens is bad). 

Same. We dropped our 10th grader off at one restaurant and went to another location. We were sitting outside and there were tons of HoCo gropus around. The shortness of the dresses didn’t really bother me in terms of modesty but I did keep thinking they looked uncomfortable. The girls would talk a few steps, stop, pull down their skirt. Walk a few more, repeat. But I also wearing doing stuff that looking back I would find silly or uncomfortable and at the time I loved.

My son commented that all the girls were basically wearing the same dress, just in slightly different colors. He really likes fashion so he found that odd. But I also think it takes a certain kind of bravery or a person who is popular/stylish/very attractive to go against the grain in high school. I was no that person so I don’t blame the girls who also are more trying to fit in than stand out. 

I also hate when people tell you that you're the one sexualizing the girls when you do not like the dance costumes or the dances themselves.  When a child is dancing to a song that literally translates to 'will you sleep with me?,' it's sexual. 

[Ting Tang]

 

21 minutes ago, Wheres Toto said:

I just got back from shopping with youngest dd for fall/winter clothes.  So much ugly.   Ugly colors, ugly patterns, ugly shapes.    She wanted some dresses and it was hard to find anything that had sleeves, wasn't super ugly colors, or really weird ruffles and drapes.   Only other option was sweater dresses.  

I see quite a few kids around here that are non-conforming and just wear what they like.    There's always a couple that like to wear vintage styles, a few that dress gender neutral or gender-switching.  It seems like there's more acceptance for anything goes than in the 80's when I grew up. 

What I have disliked for a long time is that you sometimes can't just buy one shirt or sweater anymore.  Two are required.  I also hate weird cut tank tops in the summer--ones where regular bra straps will show because arm holes are cut weird and the neckline is weird.  lol  

[ktgrok]

I think what bugs me is that it used to be that homecoming dresses mimicked more adult cocktail attire, and now seem to mimic nightclub attire. 

That said, I was thrilled that the homeschool dance here had teens in everything from casual clothing to cocktail dresses to I don't even know what. It ran the gamut - whatever you are comfortable in, you should wear was the message. My dd wore brown slacks, a white button down shirt, and a cute sweater vest and fit right in with the girls in sequins. 

Oh, but almost all the girls wore sneakers! 

[itsheresomewhere]

This thread was prefect timing.  The neighbor’s kid had everyone just meet at her house in their homecoming dresses for pictures in their front yard.  I walked out to my front yard just in time to hear this- “Here’s the butt glue”.  The dresses are very short and the need for butt glue is there.  
 

I don’t know why there is not a variety of styles/lengths in dresses right now.  Took forever to find a prom dress for DD that met her requirements. 

[Guest]

8 hours ago, GoVanGogh said:

Hey now! The ‘70s were awesome! Granted some of the dress styles were a bit funky, but the florals and mushrooms were amazing and I am super excited they are trendy now. I can’t wait until cooler weather so I can wear the vintage orange and mushroom scarf I bought on Etsy a few months ago. 

Mushrooms are very in now!

[Ting Tang]

1 hour ago, Quill said:

Mushrooms are very in now!

I did not know this. Then again, I have been window shopping on Amazon, where I am pretty sure the models are computer-generated.  lol

[Guest]

2 minutes ago, Ting Tang said:

I did not know this. Then again, I have been window shopping on Amazon, where I am pretty sure the models are computer-generated.  lol

My older son got for his birthday (from my daughter) a brown, yellow and orange fleece pullover with mushrooms on it! He was wild about it! I was kind of 🤔 about it but he loved it. 
 

My other son bought socks at Vans and a tee that both have mushrooms on them. 

[katilac]

4 hours ago, Quill said:

My older son got for his birthday (from my daughter) a brown, yellow and orange fleece pullover with mushrooms on it! He was wild about it! I was kind of 🤔 about it but he loved it. 
 

My other son bought socks at Vans and a tee that both have mushrooms on them. 

Yes, it's a huge trend for teens and young adults for sure. 

[Wheres Toto]

12 hours ago, Quill said:

Mushrooms are very in now!

According to youngest dd, it's called cottage core. 

[Faith-manor]

On 10/8/2022 at 9:06 PM, ktgrok said:

Same. 

But what really freaks me out are the dance costumes for kids' dance competitions. THOSE are beyond the pale at some places. NO difference between those outfits and what the women wear in the XXX billboards on the highway. Poses are a bit too similar as well. It's so disturbing. 

and I say that as someone that has no issue with most clothing on kids/teens. 

This is what disturbs me. I can't even watch the local recitals anymore. There is just something not right about a group of 8 year old girls dressed for pole dancing, and then well, pole dancing without the pole if you get my drift. I wish little girls could just be little girls, and be dressed in tutus, and fairy dresses, and such.

[Faith-manor]

15 hours ago, itsheresomewhere said:

This thread was prefect timing.  The neighbor’s kid had everyone just meet at her house in their homecoming dresses for pictures in their front yard.  I walked out to my front yard just in time to hear this- “Here’s the butt glue”.  The dresses are very short and the need for butt glue is there.  
 

I don’t know why there is not a variety of styles/lengths in dresses right now.  Took forever to find a prom dress for DD that met her requirements. 

Okay, I normally am just not judgy about clothes. I think people need to stop objectifying humans. But I think we as a society have gone entirely off the freaking rails when glue is required to hold body parts in position in order to wear stupid clothing! Can we have the flannel shirt and jeans homecoming, please?

[Soror]

54 minutes ago, Faith-manor said:

Okay, I normally am just not judgy about clothes. I think people need to stop objectifying humans. But I think we as a society have gone entirely off the freaking rails when glue is required to hold body parts in position in order to wear stupid clothing! Can we have the flannel shirt and jeans homecoming, please?

I've not heard of butt tape dd, hasn't used any, nor her friends. I didn't see any that were quite that short but I only saw maybe a dozen girl's dresses for this dance.

 

[Soror]

Here is dd's dress. She loved her dress and the hot pink fluffiness suited her.

[Katy]

54 minutes ago, Soror said:

Here is dd's dress. She loved her dress and the hot pink fluffiness suited her.

She looks beautiful 

[skimomma]

The "sensible shoes" thing is very real here and even extends into college.  Dd went to a fraternity formal last weekend.  She is not a girly girl and wears dresses only when 100% necessary.  She dragged her feet about finding a dress and literally rooted through her housemate's closet just hours before the event.  So I was pretty surprised to see her wearing a dress at all and even more surprised at how short it was and strapless!  She did pair it with Dr. Marten's and group photos showed most girls in some sort of sneaker or boot.  I see a lot of photos on SM and while I do acknowledge the dresses seems pretty skimpy these days, I don't have a problem with it.

[vonfirmath]

18 hours ago, itsheresomewhere said:

This thread was prefect timing.  The neighbor’s kid had everyone just meet at her house in their homecoming dresses for pictures in their front yard.  I walked out to my front yard just in time to hear this- “Here’s the butt glue”.  The dresses are very short and the need for butt glue is there.  
 

I don’t know why there is not a variety of styles/lengths in dresses right now.  Took forever to find a prom dress for DD that met her requirements. 

My guess as to why everything for girls is so short is that it requires less fabric, so is less expensive to make.

We really struggle finding clothes my daughter wants to wear and end up going online a lot (Which you cannot try it on for how it feels!)

She LOVED the dress she got from TwirlyGirl but we can't justify their new custom dress stuff. So we look elsewhere.

 

[Wheres Toto]

Dd and all her friends always wore shorts under their dresses.  I don't know about pinning, taping or gluing.

[BlsdMama]

7 hours ago, Faith-manor said:

This is what disturbs me. I can't even watch the local recitals anymore. There is just something not right about a group of 8 year old girls dressed for pole dancing, and then well, pole dancing without the pole if you get my drift. I wish little girls could just be little girls, and be dressed in tutus, and fairy dresses, and such.

Yep. And I would say that we’ve become so numb to the sexualization of 14 year olds that we think nothing of insanely short dresses. 
@SKL I don’t think I said Homecoming dresses could define someone but I do think the approval girls get from wearing skin baring clothing further encourages a social cueing system that furthers girls’ self evaluation to rank physical attractiveness as a top trait. 
My girls wore short dresses. My oldest pictured here found this dress which she was very comfortable in all evening. She was not planning on going at all because she doesn’t take any classes at the high school but was asked by a good friend and accepted slightly over a week from the date. Younger dd loves the chance for fancy dress, shoes, hair, etc. She exults in being a girly girl on rare occasions. (Ironically, she’s probably my outdoor adventurous daughter.) So we let her go with a lovely group of ladies.
 At that point though, selections were pretty limited. I didn’t dare use Amazon. I’m limited in what I can alter at this point. I really resented the limitation between short short and cleavage, as did the girls. 😒 We used bike shorts and pinned the dress to them, but should I have to do that? Designers KNOW these dresses are for teens not adults! What’s wrong with a couple more inches?!

 

 

[mom2scouts]

My teen went to Homecoming (for some reason "HOCO" annoys me) with a guy from church and she found a dress that was short but not at all immodest. It wasn't one of the tight dresses and had a flare on the skirt part which seemed to help. She would not have been comfortable in a strapless or tight dress or very high heels. She wore bike shorts under the dress and I insisted she wear shoes she could comfortably walk in. She fit in, looked beautiful, and still felt comfortable with her choice. A group went bowling after the dance and she just put on athletic shoes with her dress.

As for dance, this is one of the reasons I like our studio. Little kids have age appropriate dance moves and costumes and they get a little more liberal as the girls move into high school, but still not inappropriate. Several girls from our studio have moved on to professional dance careers and are doing just fine. The moves they do in some of their professional careers aren't things that would ever be done at our studio for young girls, but they have enough skill to get the jobs.

Edited October 10, 2022 by mom2scouts

[gardenmom5]

10 minutes ago, BlsdMama said:

Yep. And I would say that we’ve become so numb to the sexualization of 14 year olds that we think nothing of insanely short dresses. 
@SKL I don’t think I said Homecoming dresses could define someone but I do think the approval girls get from wearing skin baring clothing further encourages a social cueing system that furthers girls’ self evaluation to rank physical attractiveness as a top trait. 
My girls wore short dresses. My oldest pictured here found this dress which she was very comfortable in all evening. She was not planning on going at all because she doesn’t take any classes at the high school but was asked by a good friend and accepted slightly over a week from the date. Younger dd loves the chance for fancy dress, shoes, hair, etc. She exults in being a girly girl on rare occasions. (Ironically, she’s probably my outdoor adventurous daughter.) So we let her go with a lovely group of ladies.
 At that point though, selections were pretty limited. I didn’t dare use Amazon. I’m limited in what I can alter at this point. I really resented the limitation between short short and cleavage, as did the girls. 😒 We used bike shorts and pinned the dress to them, but should I have to do that? Designers KNOW these dresses are for teens not adults! What’s wrong with a couple more inches?!

 

 

We pretty much skipped the teen dept with my girls and went straight to women's (women's covered more territory) - and that was a long time ago.

[SKL]

24 minutes ago, BlsdMama said:

Yep. And I would say that we’ve become so numb to the sexualization of 14 year olds that we think nothing of insanely short dresses. 
@SKL I don’t think I said Homecoming dresses could define someone but I do think the approval girls get from wearing skin baring clothing further encourages a social cueing system that furthers girls’ self evaluation to rank physical attractiveness as a top trait. 
My girls wore short dresses. My oldest pictured here found this dress which she was very comfortable in all evening. She was not planning on going at all because she doesn’t take any classes at the high school but was asked by a good friend and accepted slightly over a week from the date. Younger dd loves the chance for fancy dress, shoes, hair, etc. She exults in being a girly girl on rare occasions. (Ironically, she’s probably my outdoor adventurous daughter.) So we let her go with a lovely group of ladies.
 At that point though, selections were pretty limited. I didn’t dare use Amazon. I’m limited in what I can alter at this point. I really resented the limitation between short short and cleavage, as did the girls. 😒 We used bike shorts and pinned the dress to them, but should I have to do that? Designers KNOW these dresses are for teens not adults! What’s wrong with a couple more inches?!

 

 

Not sure what "approval" you are referring to.  I don't think there was really much talk about how the girls looked in their dresses.  They needed a dress, picked one they were comfortable enough wearing, and went to the dance.  One thing about "fitting in" is that it seems to draw less, rather than more, attention to what you're wearing.

I mean I paid for the dress and helped her with certain aspects of fitting.  I guess that's a level of "approval," but I doubt that it is sending a message that my kids need to show lots of skin.  They know that I personally dislike showing skin, and they've accused me of dressing them like Amish girls in the past, so I doubt that my allowing them to choose one dress from Dillards is sending the kind of message I don't want to send.  Of course I could be wrong.  I'm not too worried about it though, because that kid has zero other clothes with low necklines, zero other dresses, and zero occasion to dress like that again for a long time.  (She has declared she won't be going to next year's Homecoming dance.  Which is fine, as long as she's choosing based on what she wants.)  FTR my kid's dress is in between the lengths of the dresses in your photo (btw your girls are lovely).

[teachermom2834]

Since we are sharing and I’ve had plenty to say on this topic ….she felt great in this dress and for her it was very short. I was actually the one who kept telling her it was fine and not too short. From the pics I saw hers was probably right down the middle as far as how conservative it was. Her school had a wide variety. 

 

 

Edited October 10, 2022 by teachermom2834

[Mrs Tiggywinkle Again]

I think the dresses shown here are lovely and tasteful. 
Your daughters all look beautiful!

[Ting Tang]

5 minutes ago, Mrs Tiggywinkle Again said:

I think the dresses shown here are lovely and tasteful. 
Your daughters all look beautiful!

Without me commenting on each individual photo, I agree!  I thought the dresses were beautiful on the girls and very fashionable. 

[BlsdMama]

1 hour ago, SKL said:

Not sure what "approval" you are referring to.  I don't think there was really much talk about how the girls looked in their dresses.  They needed a dress, picked one they were comfortable enough wearing, and went to the dance.  One thing about "fitting in" is that it seems to draw less, rather than more, attention to what you're wearing.

FTR my kid's dress is in between the lengths of the dresses in your photo (btw your girls are lovely).

ITA about sticking out when going against the norm. I think average teens are rarely seeking approval from another generation as much as social media and peer remarks. IMO, the black dress is a bit short. Would it have killed the manufacturers to add 2”? But here’s the rub - the girls tried on the longest “short” (knee and above) dresses in the department. The crazy short I’m thinking of really were a few inches shorter than hers and roughly half the fabric.  

[2squared]

Our HOCO dance theme was black out. My 14yo dd wore a black hoodie, black lululemon leggings, and black converse. My 16yo ds wore a black sweatshirt, black tshirt, black sweats, and black tennis shoes. Both went with friends, and they had a blast. I am very thankful the date and dressed up HOCO dance experience hasn’t hit our school yet. 

[teachermom2834]

It is crazy that there just aren’t options. Like there was the one dress my dd found that was short and then there were a hundred that were super short or super duper short. There has to be a market for there to be at least ten that are just short in the hundreds of super short on the racks. I know when we were in the dressing room and looking through the huge section at Dillards I overheard conversation after conversation of people saying “you’ll have to send a picture to your father” or “I don’t think they will let you in the dance in that”. No joke the constant conversation theme throughout the entire section and dressing room was “is this going to be okay or is it too far?”

So sure to each their own to wear what they want…but when stores or manufacturers claim this is all anyone wants or there is no market for anything else I just can’t believe that is true. 

[Mrs Tiggywinkle Again]

3 minutes ago, BlsdMama said:

ITA about sticking out when going against the norm. I think average teens are rarely seeking approval from another generation as much as social media and peer remarks. IMO, the black dress is a bit short. Would it have killed the manufacturers to add 2”? But here’s the rub - the girls tried on the longest “short” (knee and above) dresses in the department. The crazy short I’m thinking of really were a few inches shorter than hers and roughly half the fabric.  

That is essentially what my niece was wearing.  Like literally a fingertip below the butt if that.  I prefer shorter dresses that hit just above my knee, so I am not advocating for Amish clothing, but I don’t think a 13 year old should be wearing a dress that she needs to glue to her butt(which it is a thing and she did).

But I’m trying to figure out how to navigate this with my own daughter while having a healthy view of self and sexuality. 
But literally it won’t kill manufacturers to provide longer dress options for the girls or families that would prefer that.

[KSera]

22 minutes ago, Mrs Tiggywinkle Again said:

But literally it won’t kill manufacturers to provide longer dress options for the girls or families that would prefer that.

Yes, and while it seems to be the case that a lot of girls seem more comfortable with their bodies than in times past, which is good, the other side of that is that girls who are not comfortable wearing a dress like that often feel like there is something really wrong with them. And that’s not good at all. 

[Melissa in Australia]

I was all ready to be horrified with everyone until I saw the photos. Those dresses are basically the same length as the compulsory school uniforms here in Australia. 

I did see a lady in Melbourne last time I was there walking past the train station. Her dress was so short that literally half her bottom was below the dress. She didn't appear to have any undies. I almost went up to her to let her know but thought I had better not. Maybe she was working. I wouldn't know how to tell

Edited October 11, 2022 by Melissa in Australia

[hippymamato3]

On 10/9/2022 at 10:55 AM, pinball said:

Wait, what? 
 

what did these clothes signal 20 years ago?

 

what are you really saying here?

I'm super confused by this too. What does a heeled shoe mean? I don't get it.

[Katy]

46 minutes ago, Melissa in Australia said:

I was all ready to be horrified with everyone until I saw the photos. Those dresses are basically the same length as the compulsory school uniforms here in Australia. 

I did see a lady in Melbourne last time I was there walking past the train station. Her dress was so short that literally half her bottom was below the dress. She didn't appear to have any undies. I almost went up to her to let her know but thought I had better not. Maybe she was working. I wouldn't know how to tell

The photos posted here are quite tasteful and not at all what I mean. Let me see if I can find an example. 

[Mrs Tiggywinkle Again]

54 minutes ago, Melissa in Australia said:

I was all ready to be horrified with everyone until I saw the photos. Those dresses are basically the same length as the compulsory school uniforms here in Australia. 

I did see a lady in Melbourne last time I was there walking past the train station. Her dress was so short that literally half her bottom was below the dress. She didn't appear to have any undies. I almost went up to her to let her know but thought I had better not. Maybe she was working. I wouldn't know how to tell

This is a stock photo but this is basically my niece’s dress, just in a different color,  I had originally thought hers was strapless but when I looked back I realized I was confusing dresses.