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Next week is my trial

heartlikealion

By heartlikealion,
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heartlikealion

heartlikealion

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**update: we didn’t go to court. Papers have been signed. Details in other posts** 
 

I'll update you guys after the dust settles. Right now I can't say much. Positive vibes and/or prayers are appreciated, though. I'm just looking forward to closure... to determine my finances and the custody. And then be officially divorced. 

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heartlikealion

heartlikealion

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1 hour ago, fairfarmhand said:

Even if it isn’t exactly how you want, I’m sure there will be a huge relief in having it over and done with. How long has it been now?

Well let’s just say since the last trial (May 2021?) the GAL never met with me again or came to my home again. 

I have testing for ds pending after divorce (not great for our relationship but I’m following my gut. I’ll elaborate on that another time). Not a secret, as stbx and I split medical… but I’m footing the consult bill in full because he wasn’t able to go and refuses to pay any. Fine, whatever. It’s worth the fee to not have been in a room with him. 

He refuses to communicate with a parenting app— I found a free one in place of Our Family Wizard. 

I’m trying to move out from under my awful landlord (and rent is going up in Aug). 

So not great but on the plus side I’ve done so many things on my own (installed smoke alarms, manage my own budget, sewed several curtains, furnished my home, etc). 

 

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fairfarmhand

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3 hours ago, heartlikealion said:

Well let’s just say since the last trial (May 2021?) the GAL never met with me again or came to my home again. 

I have testing for ds pending after divorce (not great for our relationship but I’m following my gut. I’ll elaborate on that another time). Not a secret, as stbx and I split medical… but I’m footing the consult bill in full because he wasn’t able to go and refuses to pay any. Fine, whatever. It’s worth the fee to not have been in a room with him. 

He refuses to communicate with a parenting app— I found a free one in place of Our Family Wizard. 

I’m trying to move out from under my awful landlord (and rent is going up in Aug). 

So not great but on the plus side I’ve done so many things on my own (installed smoke alarms, manage my own budget, sewed several curtains, furnished my home, etc). 

 

Sounds like you are becoming independent and learning new things! That’s great! So sorry your ex is a turd.

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LucyStoner

LucyStoner

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4 hours ago, heartlikealion said:

He refuses to communicate with a parenting app— I found a free one in place of Our Family Wizard. 

 

From what I have seen if one parent requests that all communication must be through an app (such as Talking Parents or Our Family Wizard), the judge will usually agree to make that part of the final orders.  My brother’s ex husband is not allowed to contact him outside of Talking Parents unless it’s an emergency. 

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Scarlett

Scarlett

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15 hours ago, heartlikealion said:

I'll update you guys after the dust settles. Right now I can't say much. Positive vibes and/or prayers are appreciated, though. I'm just looking forward to closure... to determine my finances and the custody. And then be officially divorced. 

PM me if you need to vent. 

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heartlikealion

heartlikealion

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Court has been canceled. We’re signing a settlement. I thought I’d get to sign it Wed but I guess it’ll be today. 

I guess nothing is in stone til I see his signature hence my hesitation to update. But basically I had to concede on custody. I’ll elaborate once everything is signed. 

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heartlikealion

heartlikealion

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Signed off today. Just needs the GAL sig. and the judge’s approval. 

Ds wanted to live with dad and has chip on shoulder toward me. In the settlement I asked for extended visitation with dd but most visitation is optional for ds. We have week on/week off summer visitation so I get kids Memorial Day and keep them a week. They recently finished school. I am stuck with child support til kids are 21 but amount would have been higher if I went to court. 

Extended visitation is one weekday she comes over after school and sleeps over on the weeks I don’t have weekends. My weekends are Thurs after school til sun night. Prior to this my weekends were Friday after school til Monday school drop off. 

I’ve requested communication through an app and reminded him which app to download. If anyone is curious, it’s called AppClose. 

Debts in our own name are ours. Private school is dad’s responsibility (they are currently enrolled and I cannot afford that. My child support goes toward it). 

No alimony/spousal support. I have to make significantly more for child support to be adjusted. 

I think that covers the basics. 

Joint custody was not on the table and not the recommendation of the GAL so I kissed it goodbye. 

I’m just relieved it’s over. The annulment is another process but I just need to breathe. 

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freesia

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I’m glad you are relieved. I’m also glad you will get a lot of time with them over the summer. I hope it will be healing for all of you. Just keep loving and encouraging your ds—focusing on the relationship however often you see him. He’s at a really tough age ( I can’t remember exactly but I think he’s somewhere between 11-13, right?)

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heartlikealion

heartlikealion

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He just turned 14. I’m saving up to take us to a concert for an artist we both like. He’s playing in Memphis in Aug. on a weekend. Stbx said he’ll be flexible about it (watch dd or whatever). I’ll try to purchase tickets soon while they are cheaper but may need a motel so we don’t have to drive 2+ hrs home that night. 

Money is tight but I can plan and save here and there without worrying about anyone else’s spending affecting my ability to save. 

We are resuming group therapy (me, ds, therapist) soon. Psychologist suggested 2x a month. Therapist is not the psychologist. I’m optimistic things can improve. It will take time, I know. 

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fairfarmhand

fairfarmhand

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If it’s any consolation, lots of kids are snotty to one or both parents at that age for no good reason. I hope time and maturity temper that for you and your son. Good for you for not taking it personally ( so very hard) and trying to do fun specially things despite the chip on your boys shoulder. I wish you healing. And I’m glad you’re able to move on to a new joyous chapter in your life.

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LucyStoner

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My brother opted to settle on custody due to his ex moving school districts out of commute range and a weirdly biased GAL report that maximized his problems and seriously minimized his ex husband’s problems.  So I feel for you on having to settle due to a GAL report.  

I’m glad you can exhale and move forwards.  I hope counseling with your son is productive.  

 

 

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heartlikealion

heartlikealion

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1 hour ago, LucyStoner said:

My brother opted to settle on custody due to his ex moving school districts out of commute range and a weirdly biased GAL report that maximized his problems and seriously minimized his ex husband’s problems.  So I feel for you on having to settle due to a GAL report.  

I’m glad you can exhale and move forwards.  I hope counseling with your son is productive.  
 

Ugh that’s awful. I still want to move to the city but even if I could afford it right now, the commute to the kids’ school would be awful. And since I only have visitation I couldn’t transfer them to a city public school. I literally had to drive 45 min each way to sign papers today. They had to be signed in person with notary. I hate living so far from everything. 

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heartlikealion

heartlikealion

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I occasionally babysit for extra income. I babysat this weekend and bought the concert tickets. Trying to secure other side gigs but it’s very hard. I worked 2 jobs at one point last year but it was too physically demanding and I spent most of the income on Physical Therapy and quit the job.

Most employers won’t entertain the idea of hiring someone that’s only available every other weekend. And I’m trying to avoid jobs where you stand several hours as it hurts my feet and brings the onset of PF issues. I can’t substitute at the library as they are open the hours I’m already working. I can’t help in after school programs as they need you there around 3pm. Anytime I can do a side job it’s very helpful minus the gas to get there. 

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heartlikealion

heartlikealion

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I got the Judgement of Divorce yesterday. Still waiting on lawyer to give invoice. 

I emailed my priest asking to start the annulment process. 

Non Catholics, and some Catholics, don’t seem to relate/understand and I am being bombarded with messages of go out and date/have you started dating yet? If for some reason the annulment is denied, I can’t imagine never dating again but cross that bridge if it comes. 

Now I can maybe focus on other things like my weight loss goals. 

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Scarlett

Scarlett

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51 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

I got the Judgement of Divorce yesterday. Still waiting on lawyer to give invoice. 

I emailed my priest asking to start the annulment process. 

Non Catholics, and some Catholics, don’t seem to relate/understand and I am being bombarded with messages of go out and date/have you started dating yet? If for some reason the annulment is denied, I can’t imagine never dating again but cross that bridge if it comes. 

Now I can maybe focus on other things like my weight loss goals. 

I am so happy for you that the legal portion is over.  Things will get better.  And I admire you for living your beliefs.  Many things are worse than being single.  As you well know.  

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