Weird sword question

[SquirrellyMama]

Would you allow your 16 yr old to buy a sword? He's big into Renaissance Faires and dressing the part. He's actually too young to take it in since he isn't 18. 

My dh says NO, although part of his no is thinking he'll be a lonely guy who dresses up and plays with swords. Coming from the comic book collecting, Dungeons and Dragons player.

I'm on the fence. I am letting him buy a kilt.

Kelly

[alisoncooks]

My brother got one around that age, when he first really got into Lord of the Rings. It just hangs on the wall, as a decoration. (It still hangs at my parents' house because my SIL is not into swords or fantasy, lol.)

[Tanaqui]

Would it be better for your son to be a lonely guy who doesn't dress up and doesn't play with swords and whose parents won't let him have fun?

[prairiewindmomma]

Yes, most definitely.

It's not my jam, personally, but there are actually quite a number of teens that do this. I'm kinda chuckling that your dh plays D&D and isn't on board with owning a sword.

My ds cast his own bronze age sword from a mold he made himself and he recently toured a cutlery shop where they forge knives. He's currently carving some blue burl knife scales (handles) from stuff like this: https://www.rockler.com/knife-scale-block-burls-and-swirls-sky-blue

Amazon has some decent cosplay/not sharp edged swords, fwiw. 

[Paige]

You can get swords that aren't sharpened yet and he can have it sharpened later if he wants. It would really depend on my kid if I'd let him have a sharpened one, but one to sharpen later would be no problem. They still look just like swords, they just won't slice your hand off.

[Corraleno]

I would totally let him get a sword! DS had a number of replica swords as a kid, including a really cool Viking sword, plus a helmet and some leather goods, that were made as props for a film and given to him by his late grandfather. He still plays with swords, but now they're expensive steel blades made in France, and he pokes people for money (athletic scholarship). Let your son get a sword — and then sign him up for fencing lessons. Fencers manage to combine quirky & cool. 😉 

[Selkie]

My ds20 has collectible swords and he was around the same age as your ds when he started buying them. Dh and I never had a problem with it.

He also has a collection of knives, but those are more utilitarian. He uses them for his summer construction job, when he's working on cars or with horses, etc.

[marbel]

A 16-year-old with a sword would not be a problem in my world.

Just an aside... when we went to a Ren Faire here a few years ago, my kid made himself a wooden sword and a dagger for his sister. They painted them silver and it was obvious they were not real but they were very cool additions to their costumes. Here in PA, there was also a rule about how they were attached... I don't remember the term but it was basically attached in a way no one could get it off quickly and without a bit of difficulty.  

[Melissa in Australia]

In my household if DH said no than that is it.

 

[JustEm]

My ten year old has a multiple swords and my 6 year old uses my dangers and swords but doesn't own any of his own.  They take martial arts and are being trained in how to wield different weapons and use them properly.  I would not allow a sword for display purposes or for costume purposes without proper training in how to handle it.  

[Katy]

With martial arts training, yes.  Without it, no.

[JustEm]

Even dulled demonstration weapons can cut and cause serious injury.  Dh has a few scars from demonstration and sparring mishaps that could have caused serious nerve damage if they happened a bit to the left.  

[fairfarmhand]

I would. There may be a few at my house already

[katilac]

Sure. My dd owns several swords and daggers and such. She's hella nerdy but has plenty of friends (some nerdy, some not, because that's the brave new world we live in). 

Tell your dh to quit projecting, lol. It's just a sword, bro, they don't cast a third level loneliness spell on you when you buy it.

59 minutes ago, happysmileylady said:

 SO my objection isn't so much age as it is.....practicality. I don't wanna pay for a gift that sits in a closet for 2 yrs.  

 It sounds like he plans to buy it himself. 

[maize]

Yes, as long as he is responsible.

My 14 year old wants a sword. Unfortunately he is having trouble controlling his temper, and I won't allow swords for someone who hasn't yet learned not to use his fists when he is frustrated.

He's way better than he was a year ago though, I could see him being mature enough to always treat a blade respectfully in a couple of years 

[Farrar]

Unless there's a safety reason not to (such as a kid who abuses things like this...) then absolutely.

Your dh is not understanding how supportive, loving, and generally social geek communities can be. People who are into swords and Ren Faires and so forth are not lonely outcasts these days. It's not really so different from having any other hobby.

Edited August 22, 2019 by Farrar

[SquirrellyMama]

1 hour ago, Katy said:

With martial arts training, yes.  Without it, no.

He is in martial arts and just got a now staff. He really enjoys training with it.

[SquirrellyMama]

18 minutes ago, Farrar said:

Unless there's a safety reason not to (such as a kid who abuses things like this...) then absolutely.

Your dh is not understanding how supportive, loving, and generally social geek communities can be. People who are into swords and Ren Faires and so forth are not lonely outcasts these days. It's not really so different from having any other hobby.

It is surprising because he is such a geek himself. I told him he was being unkind. 

[SquirrellyMama]

1 hour ago, katilac said:

Sure. My dd owns several swords and daggers and such. She's hella nerdy but has plenty of friends (some nerdy, some not, because that's the brave new world we live in). 

Tell your dh to quit projecting, lol. It's just a sword, bro, they don't cast a third level loneliness spell on you when you buy it.

 It sounds like he plans to buy it himself. 

My ds has a lot of friends, and there are several going to the Renaissance Faire together. 

My dh just has really odd objections.

[SquirrellyMama]

1 hour ago, Melissa in Australia said:

In my household if DH said no than that is it.

 

At one time I would have said the same thing but... I have found that my dh makes very knee jerk decisions and can be very insulting. If he would take the time to actually consider the request and come to a thoughtful decision I would back him up more.

Last week we were visiting family and my son wanted to go for a run in the morning. My dh said no because he might get hit by a train. #1 he didn't even know if a train went through town and #2 he was telling a 16 year old that he wasn't capable of not running in front of a train. It was insulting.

My son was allowed to run and he survived. 

Kelly

 

[Shoeless]

I would let him have the sword.  There is a guy that does swordcasting field trips not far from here.  The only reason I haven't done it with my 11 yo is that it's like...$200 for a sword and takes all day. I don't care enough about it to spend $200 and DS11 doesn't care enough about it to spend 6-8 hours watching molten bronze get poured. 😄 

[JustEm]

38 minutes ago, SquirrellyMama said:

He is in martial arts and just got a now staff. He really enjoys training with it.

 

Will he be learning a sword soon?  I'd really wait for when he is actually training in that weapon. 

[MercyA]

3 hours ago, marbel said:

Just an aside... when we went to a Ren Faire here a few years ago, my kid made himself a wooden sword and a dagger for his sister. They painted them silver and it was obvious they were not real but they were very cool additions to their costumes. Here in PA, there was also a rule about how they were attached... I don't remember the term but it was basically attached in a way no one could get it off quickly and without a bit of difficulty.  

Yes. We are going to a RenFest this weekend and they allow "peace-tied" swords. 

[MercyA]

2 hours ago, Melissa in Australia said:

In my household if DH said no than that is it.

Me, too, but sometimes I will ask if he's open to further discussion and sometimes he is. 🙂

I would personally let a 16-year-old who is kind and responsible own a sword. 

[SKL]

I don't see a problem, unless you think he is likely to use it on somebody.

Does your dh allow knives in the house?

[maize]

3 hours ago, Melissa in Australia said:

In my household if DH said no than that is it.

 

This would be a really awful way to make decisions in my family. Giving final say to one person all the time is depending on that person to always make wise and thoughtful decisions.

Plenty of husbands/fathers aren't able to live up to that expectation all the time; putting family members at the mercy of their whims seems foolish.

Edited August 22, 2019 by maize

[klmama]

Buying a sword is one thing.  What do you do with a sword once it's no longer wanted?  Do you put it in a garage sale or sell it on Craig's List or something?     

[JustEm]

12 minutes ago, klmama said:

Buying a sword is one thing.  What do you do with a sword once it's no longer wanted?  Do you put it in a garage sale or sell it on Craig's List or something?    

They're pretty easy to sell as long as they're priced right. I'd go the Craigslist or FB marketplace route first. Then eBay as a last resort. I don't have garage sales but if I did and we were downsizing our weapons( we have A LOT) I'd put them in it because for the right price they'd all be gone by the end of the sale. People love swords.

[frogger]

I would let my sons have a sword at that age but you know your son's maturity and responsibility level and if he hasn't had blade training, it doesn't matter how old you are, you learn safety.

[kiwik]

When I was involved in mediaeval stuff I made my own sword.  It was fun if he is that way inclined - you just use an angle grinder and some spring steel although if you know someone who can do the first cuts with as gas axe it helps, you then need to find someone who can temper it.  I am probably going to let ds12 have it on his wall out of reach of his friends as he likes it and it is a blunt contact weapon.  I do have scars on my leg from an equally blunt polearm though - even a blunt blade can damage.  It really depends on the kid but it should be secured like any other weapon if sharp.

I can't imagine one person in the family overuling the other adult.

Edited August 22, 2019 by kiwik

[Melissa in Australia]

5 hours ago, maize said:

This would be a really awful way to make decisions in my family. Giving final say to one person all the time is depending on that person to always make wise and thoughtful decisions.

Plenty of husbands/fathers aren't able to live up to that expectation all the time; putting family members at the mercy of their whims seems foolish.

well I guess I was looking at it from a different angle. If one parent said no then the child went and asked the other parent and got whatever then that is an awful family dynamic where a child is manipulating each parent to get whatever. sounds like a recipe for disaster

in this household Dh and I discuss lots of things about child rasing and decision making . We have to be a very united front. if a child can undermine one of us than than we could not be a united front

[maize]

1 hour ago, Melissa in Australia said:

well I guess I was looking at it from a different angle. If one parent said no then the child went and asked the other parent and got whatever then that is an awful family dynamic where a child is manipulating each parent to get whatever. sounds like a recipe for disaster

in this household Dh and I discuss lots of things about child rasing and decision making . We have to be a very united front. if a child can undermine one of us than than we could not be a united front

It sounds to me like OP's family are in a negotiation phase--I can't imagine taking one parent's immediate kneejerk no as the final word on something. 

I'm not actually a fan of the always present a united front concept, in some cases it can lead to a parent who is inclined to be harsh or inflexible or simply to make arbitrary and unconsidered decisions having way too much influence if the other parent feels they have to back them up on everything. I'm not saying it doesn't work for your family, it sounds like you and your husband both do the work of discussing stuff and making sure you are usually on the same page in parenting. It isn't a workable plan for every family. And in general I don't think it hurts kids to see their parents model disagreement and discussion and compromise and flexibility; certainly it doesn't hurt them to see one parent stand up for them if the other is being truly unreasonable. A sixteen year old is not going to be impressed by a parent's arbitrary and illogical decision.

[Lady Florida.]

11 hours ago, Farrar said:

Unless there's a safety reason not to (such as a kid who abuses things like this...) then absolutely.

Your dh is not understanding how supportive, loving, and generally social geek communities can be. People who are into swords and Ren Faires and so forth are not lonely outcasts these days. It's not really so different from having any other hobby.

Yes this. It sounds like your dh hasn't really thought it through. There's no reason to say no if your ds is responsible and doesn't have anger issues. 

As for the lonely sword guy, no that won't happen. Tagging on to Farrar's post, the geek community is large and supportive. If your ds is already planning to go to the Ren Faire with friends then it sounds like he's already part of that community. 

4 hours ago, Melissa in Australia said:

well I guess I was looking at it from a different angle. If one parent said no then the child went and asked the other parent and got whatever then that is an awful family dynamic where a child is manipulating each parent to get whatever. sounds like a recipe for disaster

in this household Dh and I discuss lots of things about child rasing and decision making . We have to be a very united front. if a child can undermine one of us than than we could not be a united front

While I agree that letting children play one parent off the other is a bad idea, that doesn't sound like what's happening in this instance. They're negotiating and discussing, not secretly ganging up on dad. 

For one thing, this "child" is sixteen, two years away from being a legal adult. For another, if at that age he hasn't seen his parents model how to handle disagreements it's time to see it now before it's too late. 

A united front isn't always the best thing, especially with a teenager. Showing children and teens that it's okay to disagree, and showing them how to settle disagreements, is part of parenting. In the end the teen might not get what he wants but at least it won't seem like an arbitrary no. He'll see how both parents worked it out and came up with the answer. That, imo, is better for learning conflict resolution than "Dad said no. The end." 

[Farrar]

I somehow missed that he was a geek himself. Geeks are so funny about other areas of geekdom. 

[elegantlion]

Yes, I'm in the market for a sword myself.  

At 16 I wanted to buy my son one, a katana, not a broadsword, but I was broke. 

I would check the Ren Faire requirements. Ours no longer allows weapons of any kind, even if peace tied. 

 

My caveat would be that he buys a quality one, even if that means waiting if it's more expensive. 

 

 

[cintinative]

I can't speak to discussing this with your dh--we allowed our kids to buy (with their money) "daggers" with sheaths at the Ren Fest. Well, one of them bought it at RenFest (with his money). The other one bought it off Amazon because it was crazy how much cheaper it was (for the same exact thing).  FYI. They hang on the wall.  

@Arctic Mama have you been to the Ohio Ren Fest yet? It's really fun.  😃 That reminds me, I need to see if our local library has the discount coupons again.

Edited August 22, 2019 by cintinative

[maize]

43 minutes ago, Margaret in CO said:

This discussion reminded me that we have a dwarf ax in the upstairs closet. 2nd dd sent it to her brother when he was 13. What DOES one do with dwarf axes? 

Chop off the heads of orcs.

Of course.

[KathyBC]

On 8/21/2019 at 4:57 PM, SquirrellyMama said:

Would you allow your 16 yr old to buy a sword? He's big into Renaissance Faires and dressing the part. He's actually too young to take it in since he isn't 18. 

My dh says NO, although part of his no is thinking he'll be a lonely guy who dresses up and plays with swords. Coming from the comic book collecting, Dungeons and Dragons player.

I'm on the fence. I am letting him buy a kilt.

Kelly

Both my sons were younger than that when they built knives with their dad. One was a large Sax knife.
I wouldn't say NO for the reasons your DH is saying, but I do trust a parent's instinct, and would maybe want to have further conversation to see if there are any other concerns.

[Guest]

My son bought specialty knives at that age and made a wooden sword for a history project at school. So yes. I would let him buy a sword. 

I still have a dragon knife displayed in my basement media room from my son’s fantasy-weaponry phase. It’s not really my thing but it doesn’t hurt anything. 

He also had some cosplay clothes that I found ugly, but...meh. It’s not the worst thing. 

[katilac]

16 hours ago, Melissa in Australia said:

 in this household Dh and I discuss lots of things about child rasing and decision making . We have to be a very united front. if a child can undermine one of us than than we could not be a united front

So if you said no, it would also be over? Does the tie go to the parent who says no, so to speak? 

8 hours ago, elegantlion said:

 My caveat would be that he buys a quality one, even if that means waiting if it's more expensive. 

Why? Would he be using it? My dd enjoys her non-quality ones, they are just for show and fun. 

[Melissa in Australia]

5 hours ago, katilac said:

So if you said no, it would also be over? Does the tie go to the parent who says no, so to speak? 

 

that is correct. I have said no  and DH has backed me up 100 %. 

we discuss things in depth. We have been parenting for a very long time. We know each other and each other's views on things. sometimes a child may ask us something and either one of us would respond with I need to think about it - which means DH and I will discus it to come up with a decision.

Edited August 23, 2019 by Melissa in Australia

[hippiemamato3]

On 8/21/2019 at 8:58 PM, Melissa in Australia said:

In my household if DH said no than that is it.

 

About everything? Why?

[elegantlion]

21 hours ago, katilac said:

 

Why? Would he be using it? My dd enjoys her non-quality ones, they are just for show and fun. 

A quality sword will be better balanced and constructed. If it is sharpened, the edge will problem hold longer. - You could argue they don't need a sharpened sword, they do sell them with dull edges. My friend, who is a medievalist and a former SCA member, has several swords which are just gorgeous and period correct. Most of them were investment pieces that did stand up to fighting and lots of play use. 

Museum Replicas is one company that sells good quality swords. 

 

as a disclaimer, my rule of thumb is that about that age, dc should start considering quality of items as well as price/value. A sword is something that could last a lifetime and, if their interest continues, become an heirloom item that means something to them down the road, rather than a toy to be cast off once the bling wears off. Although I still have a plastic sword that ds bought when he was about 7. 

 

 

[catz]

My 15 year old daughter just bought a collectible sword this year.  We were overseas and it was a neat handmade souvenir of some place we visited.  So I have no issue.  Safe storage and usage (if there is any - my kid isn't likely to use hers for anything other than decor) is a must but I have no issue.