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Divorce because of a Criminal Case

athomeontheprairie

By athomeontheprairie,
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athomeontheprairie

athomeontheprairie

Posted
Posted

Hello! I haven't been here much at all since the new format took hold. But I pop in occasionally and browse.

Over the past couple weeks I made a horrendous discovery, and while this isn't the place to discuss it, I'm hoping some of you might know where I need to go....

Here's the short details, as I think they are pertinent.

My husband has been arrested for a sex crime, against a child, that I turned him in for.

I have filed for divorce.

Kids are no longer in a homeschool setting. But are still with me, as I retain sole legal custody.

I have needed to increase my part time hours, but will need to look towards long term- full time employment (and really don't know what I want that to look like)

 

All the articles I can find talk about either divorce (whether amicable or otherwise) or staying/being with a sex offender. That is not what is happening.
I'd like to be able to talk about things and read about what is helpful when divorce is the result of a criminal case (and the subsequent life changes)

Ugh.

 

 

 

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umsami

umsami

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I'm sorry you are going through this.

Have you consulted a divorce attorney yet?  Many attorneys will give a free consultation, and by seeing a few--you may learn something.  

I would worry about him using up all the family funds and assets (home equity?) for his criminal defense.  If possible, I would want half of funds frozen to prevent that.

Please see an attorney ASAP.

Edited by umsami
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ashfern

ashfern

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42 minutes ago, umsami said:

I'm sorry you are going through this.

Have you consulted a divorce attorney yet?  Many attorneys will give a free consultation, and by seeing a few--you may learn something.  

I would worry about him using up all the family funds and assets (home equity?) for his criminal defense.  If possible, I would want half of funds frozen to prevent that.

Please see an attorney ASAP.

This 100%. Contact an attorney as soon as you can. Hugs!

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athomeontheprairie

athomeontheprairie

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Thanks everyone.
I had attorneys contacted the day I reported him-I have one for me, all of the kids, and the one abused child has her own additional lawyer. He has no access to anything, and bail is so high there's no way he'll be able to get out. That part IS taken care of.

On a similar note... let your kids read books on hard topics, even if you think they shouldn't.... and TALK to them about what they read. They may NEED you to ask. I am so thankful a book gave her courage to speak.

Off to check out that thread...

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Ottakee

Ottakee

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Posted

It is so hard.   In my case there have been lots of appointments, court hearings, trial, etc and all that makes it very difficult to have a full time job.....esp a new one.   Right now I am working part time as a substitute teacher so I can work 1-5 days a week and work around all of those other things.  Add in trying to find counseling, get to that, handle banking, etc and it is hard.

One big heads up, ask for as much as possible from IRAs, etc.   I didn't realize it until.after the divorce but many/most investment firms don't want to handle investments for felons.   Suddenly I need to try to find another company to take it or it is cashed out and penalties and taxes can be High even though you were forced out.   If you are granted some/all of his in a divorce it can be transferred to your name with a penalty.

I end up doing so much handling of the mess it has created as when they are incarcerated they have very limited to no ability to handle things and communication is limited/slow which makes it harder yet.

Does he have someone reliable that is his power of attorney?  That can help.

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athomeontheprairie

athomeontheprairie

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15 hours ago, Carol in Cal. said:

I’m so sorry.  What a difficult situation.

Let us help you with the job issues, too.

I will need a full time job. But no idea how, or what, or where. No idea how to do THIS. What do I want to do? How do I make that possible? AND raise 5 kids. I'm exhausted now with appointments and my meager part time job
I *think* we'll be okay for the next 2 or 3 months. His job is being SUPER and they've talked with me a couple times. They are worried about us and are continuing his paycheck for the next two months so that the kids and I have insurance and money. I've pretty much told them he did this and will be spending the next couple decades in jail (which is reasonable....)

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Lawyer&Mom

Lawyer&Mom

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I hate that we have an employment based health care system.  However, loss of job is definitely a qualifying change of life event if you need to buy mid-year coverage.  I would research what subsidized plans are available in your state or if you qualify for Medicare.

So impressed by your strength.

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maize

maize

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Posted
10 minutes ago, athomeontheprairie said:

I will need a full time job. But no idea how, or what, or where. No idea how to do THIS. What do I want to do? How do I make that possible? AND raise 5 kids. I'm exhausted now with appointments and my meager part time job
I *think* we'll be okay for the next 2 or 3 months. His job is being SUPER and they've talked with me a couple times. They are worried about us and are continuing his paycheck for the next two months so that the kids and I have insurance and money. I've pretty much told them he did this and will be spending the next couple decades in jail (which is reasonable....)

These seem to be decent folks. Any chance they have some kind of position they could hire you for?

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athomeontheprairie

athomeontheprairie

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Just now, maize said:

These seem to be decent folks. Any chance they have some kind of position they could hire you for?

They are really great. I am super thankful-they are doing that for me, not for him.

Long term, I don't know if we'll stay here. It's very rural. Everyone knows. Everyone. It's too small a community for people to not know. We will likely move to the city (4 hours away) at the end of the year to live with my sister.
But then what? I can find a job. But how do you decide what you want to do? I CAN and WILL do whatever is necessary to take care of my kids.... but if given the option, I'd like to do something I enjoy, and something that will provide enough to enjoy life, not just survive. How do you find THAT type of job? (I know it's different for different people).

I love where I work now. I'm by myself. I have flexibility to do what I want, when I want. I make the hours. It's great. I get to do things I love (But this is a part time job with no possibility for more. Certainly not enough to support us) And I can't duplicate it in a city-it IS a small town position.

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Catwoman

Catwoman

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Maybe if you tell us what you love about your current job, we can come up with some ideas for your next job. Also, it would be great if you could tell us what your dealbreakers are, or at least the things you’d rather not have to deal with.

I'm so sorry you’re going through this. What a terrible shock. It’s just awful and I feel so sad and angry for you and your kids.

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Scarlett

Scarlett

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Posted
3 minutes ago, athomeontheprairie said:

They are really great. I am super thankful-they are doing that for me, not for him.

Long term, I don't know if we'll stay here. It's very rural. Everyone knows. Everyone. It's too small a community for people to not know. We will likely move to the city (4 hours away) at the end of the year to live with my sister.
But then what? I can find a job. But how do you decide what you want to do? I CAN and WILL do whatever is necessary to take care of my kids.... but if given the option, I'd like to do something I enjoy, and something that will provide enough to enjoy life, not just survive. How do you find THAT type of job? (I know it's different for different people).

I love where I work now. I'm by myself. I have flexibility to do what I want, when I want. I make the hours. It's great. I get to do things I love (But this is a part time job with no possibility for more. Certainly not enough to support us) And I can't duplicate it in a city-it IS a small town position.

I have no doubt you will be fine.  Living with your sister sounds like a good idea for now.  Don't be too quick to just jump into a job for the sake of working full time.  Try to research displaced homemaker grants....or maybe there is something specifically available for wives whose husbands get sent to prison.  Your kids will probably qualify for Medicaid eventually.  You will be fine.  You have grit, I can tell.

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unsinkable

unsinkable

Posted
Posted
16 minutes ago, athomeontheprairie said:

They are really great. I am super thankful-they are doing that for me, not for him.

Long term, I don't know if we'll stay here. It's very rural. Everyone knows. Everyone. It's too small a community for people to not know. We will likely move to the city (4 hours away) at the end of the year to live with my sister.
But then what? I can find a job. But how do you decide what you want to do? I CAN and WILL do whatever is necessary to take care of my kids.... but if given the option, I'd like to do something I enjoy, and something that will provide enough to enjoy life, not just survive. How do you find THAT type of job? (I know it's different for different people).

I love where I work now. I'm by myself. I have flexibility to do what I want, when I want. I make the hours. It's great. I get to do things I love (But this is a part time job with no possibility for more. Certainly not enough to support us) And I can't duplicate it in a city-it IS a small town position.

there is a social group for WTM members looking for jobs and trying to decide what to do for employment and the end of homes chooling.

SAHMs transitioning to workforce

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Liz CA

Liz CA

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Posted
10 hours ago, athomeontheprairie said:

They are really great. I am super thankful-they are doing that for me, not for him.

Long term, I don't know if we'll stay here. It's very rural. Everyone knows. Everyone. It's too small a community for people to not know. We will likely move to the city (4 hours away) at the end of the year to live with my sister.
But then what? I can find a job. But how do you decide what you want to do? I CAN and WILL do whatever is necessary to take care of my kids.... but if given the option, I'd like to do something I enjoy, and something that will provide enough to enjoy life, not just survive. How do you find THAT type of job? (I know it's different for different people).

I love where I work now. I'm by myself. I have flexibility to do what I want, when I want. I make the hours. It's great. I get to do things I love (But this is a part time job with no possibility for more. Certainly not enough to support us) And I can't duplicate it in a city-it IS a small town position.

 

Perhaps you could start with an aptitude test. They are often done at community colleges - some are even online but I am not sure how reliable they are.

If you have a pretty good idea of what you like to do, perhaps you can narrow it down. If you are okay with sharing here, there is probably someone knowledgeable in the field and if you can mention the general area where you will be living (state maybe) who knows what networking can yield.

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