Ginevra Posted June 6, 2017 Share Posted June 6, 2017 I have a notion how the Hive will vote, but I've been surprised before. My niece is getting married this July. I will probably be responsible for choosing my MIL's dress; this is her granddaughter's wedding. I am inclined to let her wear one of the perfectly lovely dresses she has already worn to on of the other gramdkid's weddings in the past four years. She will not care one iota. She is 90 yo, doesn't have a lot of energy for traipsing around malls to find a dress. However, I suspect SIL will be annoyed if she wears the same dress. However, I may not give a rat's ass. 😠So what does the Hive say? Wear a dress she already has or get a new one to have GD feel special. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted June 6, 2017 Share Posted June 6, 2017 (edited) Old dress, new hat if she likes hats, or a new brooch, and of course she'll have a new corsage. Edited June 6, 2017 by Tibbie Dunbar 17 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted June 6, 2017 Share Posted June 6, 2017 (edited) I don't think either of my grandmothers bought a new dress for my wedding--I really don't know and don't think it matters at all. Whether they got a new dress or not would have played no role in making me feel special. Edited June 6, 2017 by maize 11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted June 6, 2017 Share Posted June 6, 2017 I can't imagine dragging a 90-year-old woman out to buy a new dress when she has other dresses to wear, and I can't imagine the bride or the bride's mother caring. What is the concern? Are people going to be comparing photos of multiple weddings and be scandalize that grandma appears in the same dress twice? 20 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne Posted June 6, 2017 Share Posted June 6, 2017 I vote wear something she has that's lovely. My daughter would have been perfectly happy for me to wear the dress I wore to her sibling's wedding (which I did not do), so maybe we're weird. :-) Your niece should be grateful and delighted that she has a grandmother in good enough health to attend her wedding - that should make her feel special! Anne 14 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted June 6, 2017 Share Posted June 6, 2017 I think it would be kinda mean to even drag the poor woman out to try on dresses. Just use one she already has. 12 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted June 6, 2017 Share Posted June 6, 2017 Hmm. I never really thought about a person's clothing choice making someone else feel special or loved. I get it, though. Why not just ask her? "Would you like a new dress, or do you want to wear one of these lovely dresses?" Is she cognitively unable to make that choice? Then go with what you think would be the most kind to all parties. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom@shiloh Posted June 6, 2017 Share Posted June 6, 2017 Not only do I think she should wear one of the dresses she already has, but I think it would be absolutely ridiculous to do otherwise unless it makes her little heart happy. 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcadia Posted June 6, 2017 Share Posted June 6, 2017 (edited) My grandparents has all passed by the time I was 11 years old. My husband's grandma is still alive and nobody cares that she didn't dress up for the grandchildren's wedding. She just wore her usual everyday clothes. ETA: I don't think your niece would mind. It is much more likely your SIL that would mind that the wedding photos would show your MIL in the same dress as a previous family wedding. Edited June 6, 2017 by Arcadia 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MysteryJen Posted June 6, 2017 Share Posted June 6, 2017 My paternal grandmother had one dressy outfit, complete with hat. She is pictured in that dress in every wedding, confirmation, gradutation, etc photo for the grandkids. She always looked nice, didn't have to shop and nobody ever cared. Pretty sure she was buried in that dress too. 33 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeppermintPattie Posted June 6, 2017 Share Posted June 6, 2017 I voted to re-wear a dress, but if that would make the niece unhappy, then it doesn't seem fair to Gramma to put her in that situation. How about shopping for her and letting her try on the choices at home? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aura Posted June 6, 2017 Share Posted June 6, 2017 I chose other, because my vote is whatever makes GRANDMA happy--be it new dress or old. I get that's it's the bride's day, but at the most, Grandma should find something suitable, and the bride should be happy with that. Whether it's been worn before or not is irrelevant. The bride generally chooses what her party wears. She chooses the venue, the time, and the general "dress code." She doesn't dictate what every guest wears, even family members. That's their choice. Etiquette would dictate that the guest remain within certain guidelines, but otherwise, it's what makes the person wearing the outfit happy. And really, at 90 years old, she has earned the right decide what she's wearing. 14 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wintermom Posted June 6, 2017 Share Posted June 6, 2017 I believe that 90-year old grandmothers can wear whatever they want to a wedding. It's wonderful that they can attend at all. It sounds like she has several great choices already in her closet. If someone chooses to get annoyed about it, I really hope they are mature enough to say nothing to anyone. 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 6, 2017 Share Posted June 6, 2017 I vote wear something she has that's lovely. My daughter would have been perfectly happy for me to wear the dress I wore to her sibling's wedding (which I did not do), so maybe we're weird. :-) Your niece should be grateful and delighted that she has a grandmother in good enough health to attend her wedding - that should make her feel special! Anne I'm pretty sure my niece would neither notice nor care. It's SIL that I suspect will be irritated and yes, the reason will be some sort of horror that she is appearing in multiple wedding photos in the same dress. This SIL is the only one who has not had the experience of having MIL live at her house and she's not an empathic person in the first place. So I don't think she fully grasps how much of a pain it would be for MIL (and anyone taking her shopping). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted June 6, 2017 Share Posted June 6, 2017 If MIL does not care, I would pick one she already owns. I'd try to be mindful of the wedding color scheme for photographs. If SIL wants her to have a new dress, let SIL deal with it. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
winterbaby Posted June 6, 2017 Share Posted June 6, 2017 Ninety years old! Anyone who cares what she's wearing is... something I can't say. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted June 6, 2017 Share Posted June 6, 2017 If grandma wants a new dress, sure. Get her a new dress. Just order a few to try at home. It's 2017. No need to take her to the mall. Is there anyone still at the mall? :P If grandma doesn't want a new dress, she shouldn't have to get one to appease SILs neuroticism. 11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crimson Wife Posted June 6, 2017 Share Posted June 6, 2017 Other. Borrow something from Rent the Runway so SIL doesn't get her knickers in a twist. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudoMom Posted June 6, 2017 Share Posted June 6, 2017 SIL can be perturbed. Maybe by the time she's 90, she'll have pulled herself out of her self-absorbed way of living. Consider not making MIL get a new dress to be a growth opportunity for your SIL. Don't you dare :001_smile: torture your MIL to appease SIL. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted June 6, 2017 Share Posted June 6, 2017 SIL does not deserve more honor and deference than MIL, no matter how she may act or how poorly she has raised her daughter... 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crimson Wife Posted June 6, 2017 Share Posted June 6, 2017 I had a "bridezilla" relative who got mad that my mom and I unwittingly wore the same dress in different colors to her wedding. My mom and I live on opposite coasts but happened to both find something at Macy's we liked. Neither of us cared but bridezilla thought we looked too matchy-matchy and made me stand away from my parents and siblings in the family photos :rolleyes: 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prairiewindmomma Posted June 6, 2017 Share Posted June 6, 2017 If SIL cared deeply, she would already be taking MIL out to shop.... If she's not willing to shop and bring dresses to the house for her to try on, she doesn't get a vote, imo. I would allow her to re-wear something. If re-wearing an ensemble is appropriate enough for Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge, it's good enough for dear granny. We are planning on having our dear granny re-wear a dress for a family wedding this fall, most likely with the same shoes and accessories, but a different corsage. It will be enough effort getting her hair done. We aren't even trying for makeup other than a swab of lipstick. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 6, 2017 Share Posted June 6, 2017 If grandma wants a new dress, sure. Get her a new dress. Just order a few to try at home. It's 2017. No need to take her to the mall. Is there anyone still at the mall? :P If grandma doesn't want a new dress, she shouldn't have to get one to appease SILs neuroticism. There are teenagers there, I've heard. 😋 I was thinking this was one possibility. She doesn't claim to want a new one, though. But she isn't totally competant to make the decision without help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heatherwith4 Posted June 6, 2017 Share Posted June 6, 2017 Don't even let SIL take her shopping, because that will wear MIL out, which is not fair to her. 😊 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MercyA Posted June 6, 2017 Share Posted June 6, 2017 It's SIL that I suspect will be irritated and yes, the reason will be some sort of horror that she is appearing in multiple wedding photos in the same dress. Let her be irritated. That's just ridiculous, and you can tell her all your online friends said so. ;) The only thing I would be concerned about is whether she'll say something to your mother-in-law about it. Possibly you could say something like, "This is what MIL wants to wear. She really isn't well enough to go out shopping. I think she will look very nice, and I'm just so thankful she can come. Aren't you?" :) 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 6, 2017 Share Posted June 6, 2017 Hmm. I never really thought about a person's clothing choice making someone else feel special or loved. I get it, though. Why not just ask her? "Would you like a new dress, or do you want to wear one of these lovely dresses?" Is she cognitively unable to make that choice? Then go with what you think would be the most kind to all parties. She doesn't want a new dress, but she is not cognitively able to make a choice well. In her younger years, she never was a person who cared much about clothes. She looked nice when the occasion warranted it, and she was always dressed appropriatesly, but she was never one who got joy out of new clothes. I haven't specifically asked her about the wedding, but I do know pain-in-the-butt SIL was telling her on the phone she should get a new dress for the rehearsal dinner. After the phone call, MIL said something like, "Well I don't know why it is necessary to buy a NEW dress for the rehearsal; I already have ______ and _______ dresses in the closet and could probably just as well wear those." She is right; she does have the dresses she mentioned. (IOW, this isn't an instance of dementia; these are perfectly pretty things she could wear.) I'm just sort of seeing the next thing to come up, which will be what she wears to the wedding and I have a notion that SIL is going to be thinking this about the wedding as well. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted June 6, 2017 Share Posted June 6, 2017 Once you're 90, you get to be over pleasing other people for the sake of social conventions. I mean, it's got to be the number one benefit of aging. 27 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted June 6, 2017 Share Posted June 6, 2017 I had a "bridezilla" relative who got mad that my mom and I unwittingly wore the same dress in different colors to her wedding. My mom and I live on opposite coasts but happened to both find something at Macy's we liked. Neither of us cared but bridezilla thought we looked too matchy-matchy and made me stand away from my parents and siblings in the family photos :rolleyes: dd's mil and I inadvertently ended up with the same dress - in different colors. dsil had hysterics that we couldn't have the same dress - I thought it was funny and didn't have a problem with it. dd's mil hadn't had a mother of the groom dress in ten years (she has five sons, dsil is the youngest) - and was in shock how hard it was to find something appropriate. another reason why I didn't have an issue - it was really hard to find something that worked. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted June 6, 2017 Share Posted June 6, 2017 I have a notion how the Hive will vote, but I've been surprised before. My niece is getting married this July. I will probably be responsible for choosing my MIL's dress; this is her granddaughter's wedding. I am inclined to let her wear one of the perfectly lovely dresses she has already worn to on of the other gramdkid's weddings in the past four years. She will not care one iota. She is 90 yo, doesn't have a lot of energy for traipsing around malls to find a dress. However, I suspect SIL will be annoyed if she wears the same dress. However, I may not give a rat's ass. 😠So what does the Hive say? Wear a dress she already has or get a new one to have GD feel special. I voted who cares. Grandma's dress has basically nothing to do with making GD feel special. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted June 6, 2017 Share Posted June 6, 2017 If SIL wants to take MIL shopping, ok, I guess. But it seems pretty silly to me. People are important. Dresses are way down the list on stuff that matters. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caroline Posted June 6, 2017 Share Posted June 6, 2017 My grandmothers both got new dresses for our weddings. However, they were only 80 and were living without assistance and able to shop on their own. Both of them would have been horrified to wear the same dress to both my wedding and my sister's wedding. However, my DH's grandmother wore the same dress to both my wedding and his cousin's wedding. No one said a word. I wouldn't have known except DH's mom asked if I was ok with it. It didn't bother me in the least. Do whatever will be easiest for your MIL. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Piper Posted June 6, 2017 Share Posted June 6, 2017 Ha! My mom made herself a "special" dress for my first sister's wedding, and it became her go-to for all our weddings. Who cares? She felt good about how she looked, and she looked nice. Really, her presence meant a heck of a lot more than what she wore. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vonfirmath Posted June 6, 2017 Share Posted June 6, 2017 I have a notion how the Hive will vote, but I've been surprised before. My niece is getting married this July. I will probably be responsible for choosing my MIL's dress; this is her granddaughter's wedding. I am inclined to let her wear one of the perfectly lovely dresses she has already worn to on of the other gramdkid's weddings in the past four years. She will not care one iota. She is 90 yo, doesn't have a lot of energy for traipsing around malls to find a dress. However, I suspect SIL will be annoyed if she wears the same dress. However, I may not give a rat's ass. 😠So what does the Hive say? Wear a dress she already has or get a new one to have GD feel special. Wil SIL really notice if she wears the same dress? I don't tend to remember the dresses worn to various events. I couldn't tell you what my own mom wore to my wedding. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted June 6, 2017 Share Posted June 6, 2017 (edited) Um I would not buy a new dress for that, unless she didn't have anything serviceable. If it's a "same identical dress" issue, consider adding some sort of accessory that would make it look a little different. My mom wore a not-new outfit to her own daughter's wedding. A black blouse with shiny multicolor polkadots. (It looked nice on, just trust me.) She had just come off cancer surgery where she had a colostomy bag attached, and everyone who doesn't like her in those photos can kiss my big ... well you get the picture, LOL. I'm looking at the photo of her right now. My folks smiling. It was a fabulous wedding. Please don't worry about Granny's dress! Oh and FTR I was sort of in the wedding (can't remember my exact role) and I wore an old dress also! I looked damn good in it too! :) Edited June 6, 2017 by SKL 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KarenC Posted June 6, 2017 Share Posted June 6, 2017 Who's going to care if the bride's grandmother is wearing a new dress or not? Certainly not the bride. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 6, 2017 Share Posted June 6, 2017 Wil SIL really notice if she wears the same dress? I don't tend to remember the dresses worn to various events. I couldn't tell you what my own mom wore to my wedding. This SIL definitely will. She's not an easy person. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sassenach Posted June 6, 2017 Share Posted June 6, 2017 My paternal grandmother had one dressy outfit, complete with hat. She is pictured in that dress in every wedding, confirmation, gradutation, etc photo for the grandkids. She always looked nice, didn't have to shop and nobody ever cared. Pretty sure she was buried in that dress too. Aw, that's kind of sweet! One dress for all of the important moments in life. I think I could jive with that approach. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sassenach Posted June 6, 2017 Share Posted June 6, 2017 This SIL definitely will. She's not an easy person. Honestly, that's a mark in the pro rewear an old dress column for me. 23 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El... Posted June 6, 2017 Share Posted June 6, 2017 I'm pretty sure my grandma did NOT buy a new suit to wear to my brother's wedding - she wore a beautiful, tailored, pastel blue skirt and jacket with pearls, all of which was perfect for her. During the reception, she switched to her blue cardigan. She looked like her lovely self. She would not think of buying new clothes if she had something appropriate. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted June 6, 2017 Share Posted June 6, 2017 This SIL definitely will. She's not an easy person. Sounds like she's gonna bitch no matter what, so do what you want. If she picks you to bitch about, then consider it a public service since it gives her less time to bitch about everyone else. :) 11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wendyroo Posted June 6, 2017 Share Posted June 6, 2017 The only concession I might make is thinking about what dress(es) MIL wore to the weddings of any of the bride's siblings. That way, if SIL has all her kids' wedding photos displayed together, then MIL will be dressed differently in each of them. Since it sounds like MIL has several appropriate dresses, then this seems like a simple compromise...not that SIL will necessarily see it that way. Wendy 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigMamaBird Posted June 6, 2017 Share Posted June 6, 2017 If she were in the Bridal party then a new dress would be called for. But it's Grandma. Grandmas can wear whatever they want. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted June 6, 2017 Share Posted June 6, 2017 Did your SIL vote in the poll? ;) 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KarenC Posted June 6, 2017 Share Posted June 6, 2017 My paternal grandmother had one dressy outfit, complete with hat. She is pictured in that dress in every wedding, confirmation, gradutation, etc photo for the grandkids. She always looked nice, didn't have to shop and nobody ever cared. Pretty sure she was buried in that dress too. I love this! Can you imagine how many memories she made in that dress?!? 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
medawyn Posted June 6, 2017 Share Posted June 6, 2017 My DH's grandmother had so much fun shopping for a dress for our wedding. She went with her oldest daughter and they had a lovely outing. She then wore that dress to several other of her grandchildren's weddings by (a) it was lovely and she already owned it and (b) there was at least five years between our wedding and the next and an afternoon of shopping would no longer be enjoyable. She has since passed away, and I imagine all anyone thinks looking at the pictures is "Isn't it wonderful that Grandma J was able to come to my wedding?" 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arctic Bunny Posted June 6, 2017 Share Posted June 6, 2017 I can't remember what my grandma wore to my wedding! But the difference of 12 and 14 years between cousins means I was the only grandchild's wedding she got to go to. I'm sure my cousins wouldn't care what she wore, if she were still alive to go to theirs. I can assure you that my grandpa wore his good brown suit though. The one he wore to baptisms...weddings...his retirement... I can't imagine a 90yo thinking it was worth spending money on a new outfit when there were already options! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 6, 2017 Share Posted June 6, 2017 Did your SIL vote in the poll? ;) I'm in so much trouble if any of my SiLs find this forum... 12 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caroline Posted June 6, 2017 Share Posted June 6, 2017 I'm in so much trouble if any of my SiLs find this forum... I think that about myself, too. (I mean if my SILs find this forum. I think I'm ok if Quill's SILs find this forum. Although, I have a feeling Quill and I are probably only a couple of degrees of separation, so I may be in trouble if her SILs find this forum.) 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arctic Bunny Posted June 6, 2017 Share Posted June 6, 2017 Did your SIL vote in the poll? ;)TWO sisters-in-law have now voted! Or SIL and niece? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 6, 2017 Share Posted June 6, 2017 I think that about myself, too. (I mean if my SILs find this forum. I think I'm ok if Quill's SILs find this forum. Although, I have a feeling Quill and I are probably only a couple of degrees of separation, so I may be in trouble if her SILs find this forum.) Word. There's probably one of those, "My cousin's preschool teacher use to live next door to Quill's SILs piano teacher." 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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