Dress code at work is t-shirts, help!

[maize]

Did they specifically call three times just to remind him to wear t-shirts or were these calls primarily about other getting started at the job stuff and "oh hey, just so you know it's fine to wear t-shirts to work" was mentioned?

[Janeway]

I'm feeling incredibly ignorant here, but I can't figure out how a t-shirt is so much different, fit-wise, from a polo or button up.  My... um... greatest mass is in the chest and tummy area.  I LIVE for sized-up t-shirts.  Doesn't a polo have the same basic shape, with thicker material and a collar?  Dh's seem to!  And a closed button up usually calls for tucking.  I refuse to ever tuck anything around my middle!!!

Its the fabric. Plus, I hate pictures on my shirts as does my husband. The fabric on t-shirts is so itchy. The neckline is always high. We have big necks, both of us. But we have been "not wearing" t-shirts for longer than the lifetime of some of his new coworkers. I have a couple t-shirts in my closet, and I feel tortured if I wear one. 

[Janeway]

Did they specifically call three times just to remind him to wear t-shirts or were these calls primarily about other getting started at the job stuff and "oh hey, just so you know it's fine to wear t-shirts to work" was mentioned?

Very specific...here was the last email.

 

I will put XXX where things are identifying.

____________________________________________________________________

 

 

So- Monday at 9AM. Dress casual- not even really business casual. Just casual. (This is the site I was talking about www.threadless.com)

 

_______________________________________________

 

The above is an exerpt from the last email, and references previous conversations.

[almondbutterandjelly]

What if he wears a polo with jeans and sneakers?  That might work.

[Crimson Wife]

They said t-shirts, get t-shirts, not polos.   What is the difference with regard to fit?  I don't see them as any different.

 

The difference between a polo/henley and a tee is not fit, but looking polished/"fussy" vs. sloppy/"cool" (depending on the viewer). Think back to junior high where the different cliques wore different styles of clothing.

 

DH goes off on a regular basis about how sloppy many of the senior executives in Silicon Valley dress. His employer had a CEO (no longer with the company) who gave the annual presentation to investors wearing FLIP-FLOPS. DH worked in the Investor Relations department at the time and he got a ton of private negative feedback about it from friends working on Wall St. DH hardly ever wears a suit & tie to work but he absolutely wears one for important public presentations.

[almondbutterandjelly]

Oh, you know what?  I bet he could wear Hawaiian shirts.  That seems to be weekend casual for our area.  I believe you are also near the Gulf Coast.  I think they want him to wear what he would wear on a Saturday.  I bet they would appreciate flip flops, too, if he's a flip flop wearer.  

 

 

[Joules]

Its the fabric. Plus, I hate pictures on my shirts as does my husband. The fabric on t-shirts is so itchy. The neckline is always high. We have big necks, both of us. But we have been "not wearing" t-shirts for longer than the lifetime of some of his new coworkers. I have a couple t-shirts in my closet, and I feel tortured if I wear one. 

 

I prefer V-neck t-shirts, because I feel strangled by the regular ones.  I buy some Marc Anthony ones for ds from Kohl's.  They are a nicer fabric than graphic T's.  I can't really tell if the graphics are required for the job. Maybe some of these would work:

https://www.kohls.com/catalog/mens-vneck-tshirts-tops-tees-tops-clothing.jsp?CN=Gender:Mens+Neckline:V-Neck+Silhouette:T-Shirts+Product:Tops%20%26%20Tees+Category:Tops+Department:Clothing&S=1&PPP=60&pfm=browse%20refine

 

ETA: I also think the whole requirement is weird, but just trying to help you find something that works and makes him comfortable.  Ds and I are sensory sensitive, so I get how hard it is to find clothes that work.  And how hard it is to work in clothes that aren't comfortable.

 

ETA again...the threadless site has v-necks, too https://www.threadless.com/catalog/type,guys/view,48/order,popular/style,vnecks

 

Edited June 2, 2017 by Joules

[Garga]

OP: Please come back and tell us what everyone was wearing after DH starts working there! I'm so curious if they're trying to reassure him that he can be casual or if they're really requiring everyone to wear tees with words/pictures.

[Carol in Cal.]

Its the fabric. Plus, I hate pictures on my shirts as does my husband. The fabric on t-shirts is so itchy. The neckline is always high. We have big necks, both of us. But we have been "not wearing" t-shirts for longer than the lifetime of some of his new coworkers. I have a couple t-shirts in my closet, and I feel tortured if I wear one. 

Another reason to size up.

 

(the neckline)

 

Re. itchy--you can get 100% cotton, which is much less so.  Or silk if he goes with all black.

[Word Nerd]

Its the fabric. Plus, I hate pictures on my shirts as does my husband. The fabric on t-shirts is so itchy. The neckline is always high. We have big necks, both of us. But we have been "not wearing" t-shirts for longer than the lifetime of some of his new coworkers. I have a couple t-shirts in my closet, and I feel tortured if I wear one.

You might try some in-person shopping and see what's available, as you'll probably be surprised. I don't have any itchy T-shirts, though the textures vary. The one I'm wearing now is super soft and comfortable.

[Janeway]

OP: Please come back and tell us what everyone was wearing after DH starts working there! I'm so curious if they're trying to reassure him that he can be casual or if they're really requiring everyone to wear tees with words/pictures.

Sure! My husband plans to wear jeans and tennis shoes and a polo. That is what he would wear with me on the weekend. 

 

I am betting my husband will be worn down and tired of the casual "hip cool" attitude after a few weeks. My husband is a pretty serious worker and an introvert and I think this will wear on him soon. 

 

Today, someone from a much bigger company (very large corporation) where he already been through multiple interviews with (not the other company I mentioned) called to ask him to come in person next week. My husband told them he had taken a job already. The guy was very disappointed and asked if my husband had started yet and where it was. But my husband said he is already fully committed. It gave me a big pit in my stomach again listening to this. I know, he IS committed, but..did I tell about what happened? A few weeks ago? My husband was done. He was very defeated and sat there very upset and saying how no one wanted him and how awful he felt. I convinced him to let me try applying to jobs. He balked at it, but I told him fresh eyes and a fresh perspective could make a difference. I sat there for hours searching websites of specific companies as well as the usual job hunting websites and applying for him. Over the next week, he got so many calls that he said he was really having a hard time keeping up. He really perked up. And that is why now, everything is happening at once. It is just that this small company moved faster than the bigger ones. Since he accepted the job with small company, he has gotten two in person interview requests from companies where he has already done multiple on the phone interviews. And some other calls for other follow up interviews. 

 

I am not worrying. OK..I am trying not to worry. But, I keep telling myself that if they like him now, they will like him more in a year. But inside, I wish the bigger companies had moved quicker. 

 

I do very much think this company is trying to be cool and wants dh to fit this image. And I do think this will bother him in a short while. And I do worry this will become an all around issue because even though the man can change his shirt, the shirt won't change the man and my husband will still be the uptight, hardworking, non-cool guy he is. (which is the guy I love, and somewhat like how I am). And I worry they won't like him when they realize that changing his shirt won't make him suddenly cool and laid back.

[Janeway]

I learned something new here today. Dh works in a pretty casual environment (jeans or khaki pants, polo shirt or a nice t shirt) but there are a few women who like to dress way nicer than the dress code. Nobody gives them any flack about it even though they are often wearing heels and a dress in a test lab. Dressing better than the official dress code hasn't ever been an issue. But I guess in some places it is. Who knew?! 

I bet it would be more of an issue for men. Looking at it, women can get away with a wide range of wear for events. But men are generally stuck to the uniform of the event. 

[Dmmetler]

Oh, you know what? I bet he could wear Hawaiian shirts. That seems to be weekend casual for our area. I believe you are also near the Gulf Coast. I think they want him to wear what he would wear on a Saturday. I bet they would appreciate flip flops, too, if he's a flip flop wearer.

At herp conferences, where the common attire is a t-shirt with reptiles or amphibians on it (often from a past conference), most of the older men wear Hawaiian shirts.

[Ausmumof3]

It depends why they want it but if it's a company image versus feeling comfy thing he probably really needs to go along with it. Either that or the boss has shares in the printed t shirt company...

 

T shirts tend to be more flattering if they have a thicker quality fabric and a looser cut. Also wearing a double layer can make a big difference in smoothing out the layers. Also the shirt over tshirt look is definitely a good one for a sharp but casual look. However if a t shirt has been definitely requested I think he should do that first and modify as he sees others doing.

[winterbaby]

Why did he reject interest from the other company? It's at-will employment, right? I think your instincts as to cultural fit are correct. IME, that goes nowhere good. Also, companies with a very "youthful" orientation often have time expectations for working into the evening that are inappropriate for a family man. I would advise him to be very active about seeking other options, not turn them down.

Edited June 3, 2017 by winterbaby

[KatieJ]

I spoke with my husband and son at dinner. Both of them agreed, if they want him to wear t shirts, he should wear t shirts, or look for another job.

However Garga raised an interesting point. Do,they want to reassure him to dress casual? Or do they insist he dress casual. The link suggests it is required.

 

My son is a big guy as well as tall. He regularly shops on Kohls..com for big and tall graphic tshirts. They don't shrink.

 

I second the v neck suggestion if the neck is a problem.

[Ravin]

Hawaiian shirts come in all sorts of wild and quirky patterns.

 

These for instance:

 

http://www.thinkgeek.com/clothing/polos-button-ups/

[Mergath]

They said t-shirts, get t-shirts, not polos.   What is the difference with regard to fit?  I don't see them as any different.

 

Thicker, high quality t-shirts will look better.  

 

It's a weird requirement, and maybe should have been mentioned before the offer.  Though I can't imagine they would see any problem with requiring people to wear t-shirts.  But anyway, it is a requirement and not one that is hard to meet. 

 

I don't think it's all that weird. Most companies have a certain image they're trying to project; this company's image is just different from a bigger, more formal company. It's no weirder than requiring him to wear a button-down shirt and a tie.

[Mergath]

I would tell him to just wear the t-shirts. If a company required him to dress formally, he wouldn't make an appointment with his boss to ask if he can wear sweats, instead. Dealing with a dress code that you might not have chosen to wear yourself is part of having a job. And I've had to deal with some truly horrific dress codes in my life. A dress code that says "wear t-shirts" really isn't, in the scheme of things, all that bad. He'll probably get used to them pretty quickly once he starts wearing them.

[marbel]

The difference between a polo/henley and a tee is not fit, but looking polished/"fussy" vs. sloppy/"cool" (depending on the viewer). Think back to junior high where the different cliques wore different styles of clothing.

 

DH goes off on a regular basis about how sloppy many of the senior executives in Silicon Valley dress. His employer had a CEO (no longer with the company) who gave the annual presentation to investors wearing FLIP-FLOPS. DH worked in the Investor Relations department at the time and he got a ton of private negative feedback about it from friends working on Wall St. DH hardly ever wears a suit & tie to work but he absolutely wears one for important public presentations.

 

The OP said that the problem is fit.  

[catz]

Sure! My husband plans to wear jeans and tennis shoes and a polo. That is what he would wear with me on the weekend. 

 

I am betting my husband will be worn down and tired of the casual "hip cool" attitude after a few weeks. My husband is a pretty serious worker and an introvert and I think this will wear on him soon. 

 

 

I don't know.  I've worked in tech and my DH continues to do so.  I'd be surprised if the average worker wasn't working hard and if there aren't plenty of introverted, quirky folks on staff.  I'd keep an open mind about that end of it and just think at the "dress code" as a different type of quirk.  In the scope of things, it really isn't that big of deal.  Ordering larger sizes and layering are good ways to go. 

[winterbaby]

nm

Edited June 3, 2017 by winterbaby

[GinaPagnato]

Very specific...here was the last email.

 

I will put XXX where things are identifying.

____________________________________________________________________

 

 

So- Monday at 9AM. Dress casual- not even really business casual. Just casual. (This is the site I was talking about www.threadless.com)

 

_______________________________________________

 

The above is an exerpt from the last email, and references previous conversations.

 

Okay, but this email excerpt doesn't read to me that your dh's only clothing option is t-shirts.

 

It sounds like they just want jeans and casual shirts. They include a link in case you Dh wants to buy trendy, quirky t-shirts. That doesn't mean he HAS to, or that showing up in jeans and a casual short sleeve shirt would be a problem. They probably don't want their employees in polos, Dockers, and loafers. But there are some steps in between that your dh may find comfortable.

[gaillardia]

I cut the collars off of my t-shirts, and the bottoms of the arm seams, and sometimes the bottom hems. Why? I hate the way t-shirts feel, fit and look on me and rarely wear them unless I'm painting walls and ceilings. So, if they want t-shirts the way I wear them, that's what they'd get. 

[Guest]

Square and uncool... and bad for your long term prospects there... that I can easily imagine. I've known people working at start ups where that was the typical way to dress. But at least three phone calls about the dress code? It still strikes me as a little odd. Then again, companies have always been ridiculous. When I was a kid, I remember talking to a parent who had worked at IBM who said they measured their mustaches at one point - or maybe it was their beards? Anyway, companies are bonkers.

 

I remember joining a company with a "casual dress code."  Shortly after I started, an email directive went around to everyone in the company with a couple of corporate changes, sent with deep apologies.

 

1.  You can't bring your dog to work anymore.

2.  You can't wear your bathing suit to work anymore.  

 

:::eyeroll:::  

 

I know I am out of date but I will still put it out there:  the guys who wore the button-up shirts, maybe even with a tie (but not the guys with the suits)--were the ones who got promoted.  I think it doesn't hurt to dress a little better than the minimal expectation.  

 

ADVICE ALERT!

My 21yo son works at a software startup and is into very cool.  And he was just reading over my shoulder.  He said to get pocket t-shirts.  They are very cool now.  Or to get a slight v-neck shirt.  Or to get a t-shirt with a large geometric graphic on it, like a big circle or something.  That would be very cool but not the "graphic t-shirt" which I myself abhor.

[Artichoke]

Sure! My husband plans to wear jeans and tennis shoes and a polo. That is what he would wear with me on the weekend. 

 

I am betting my husband will be worn down and tired of the casual "hip cool" attitude after a few weeks. My husband is a pretty serious worker and an introvert and I think this will wear on him soon. 

 

Today, someone from a much bigger company (very large corporation) where he already been through multiple interviews with (not the other company I mentioned) called to ask him to come in person next week. My husband told them he had taken a job already. The guy was very disappointed and asked if my husband had started yet and where it was. But my husband said he is already fully committed. It gave me a big pit in my stomach again listening to this. I know, he IS committed, but..did I tell about what happened? A few weeks ago? My husband was done. He was very defeated and sat there very upset and saying how no one wanted him and how awful he felt. I convinced him to let me try applying to jobs. He balked at it, but I told him fresh eyes and a fresh perspective could make a difference. I sat there for hours searching websites of specific companies as well as the usual job hunting websites and applying for him. Over the next week, he got so many calls that he said he was really having a hard time keeping up. He really perked up. And that is why now, everything is happening at once. It is just that this small company moved faster than the bigger ones. Since he accepted the job with small company, he has gotten two in person interview requests from companies where he has already done multiple on the phone interviews. And some other calls for other follow up interviews. 

 

I am not worrying. OK..I am trying not to worry. But, I keep telling myself that if they like him now, they will like him more in a year. But inside, I wish the bigger companies had moved quicker. 

 

 

I do very much think this company is trying to be cool and wants dh to fit this image. And I do think this will bother him in a short while. And I do worry this will become an all around issue because even though the man can change his shirt, the shirt won't change the man and my husband will still be the uptight, hardworking, non-cool guy he is. (which is the guy I love, and somewhat like how I am). And I worry they won't like him when they realize that changing his shirt won't make him suddenly cool and laid back.

 

Janeway, I just want to encourage you to love and encourage your husband,    Dh and I have faced unemployment, and it's scary.   We've also had the uncertainty of choosing a job offer when others are still out there.   When I really sit and think about it though, I realize that it's scarier for my dh who has the onus on him to provide than it is on me to follow and make the job/salary work.    Sure we wives can buy the rice and beans and cut the budget to the bone, but it's our spouses who feel the failure of it.  Decide  you're on his side, and it'll make whatever you have to face easier since your'e a team.  

[Joules]

I wonder if the specific website was given because your dh said something like "I don't own any T-shirts," when the dress code was mentioned in the interview.  They may just be trying to be really helpful?

[Lanny]

PLEASE post an update and let us know how it went for your DH on his first day on the new job!   I think today may be his first day and I have my fingers crossed that everything will work out OK.

[Scarlett]

Me too. Hoping for the best.

[ktgrok]

Okay, but this email excerpt doesn't read to me that your dh's only clothing option is t-shirts.

 

It sounds like they just want jeans and casual shirts. They include a link in case you Dh wants to buy trendy, quirky t-shirts. That doesn't mean he HAS to, or that showing up in jeans and a casual short sleeve shirt would be a problem. They probably don't want their employees in polos, Dockers, and loafers. But there are some steps in between that your dh may find comfortable.

 

I'm betting at some point they mentioned most people wear t-shirts, and DH said, "oh, wow, I don't even HAVE any t-shirts" and the company guy said, "oh, you should check out this website, it has great shirts". NOT "you have to wear a t-shirt from this one place". Just in a helpful way

 

As to the rest, yes, he accepted the job. But it's a job, not indentured servitude. He's welcome to continue to interview and check out other options. That's how business works. 

[Garga]

I'm betting at some point they mentioned most people wear t-shirts, and DH said, "oh, wow, I don't even HAVE any t-shirts" and the company guy said, "oh, you should check out this website, it has great shirts". NOT "you have to wear a t-shirt from this one place". Just in a helpful way

 

As to the rest, yes, he accepted the job. But it's a job, not indentured servitude. He's welcome to continue to interview and check out other options. That's how business works.

 

I can totally see it going down this way. I think today is his first day. The middle school girl in me wants so much to know what everyone was wearing. :D

[Caroline]

I just sent my son off to his real, has a bachelors degree, working for the man kind of job today. (Ok. I didn't send him off. He got into his car and drove there himself after making his own lunch. I just happened to be awake and he is living in our basement to save money.) He is wearing khakis and a polo shirt. (It's probably a real Ralph Lauren that my mom bought and the khakis are actually stone color, not khaki. When did khaki become a style of pants and not a color? Is it still a color?) Anyway, he got an email from his supervisor this week saying welcome to the company. We all dress business casual. Most people wear jeans or khakis with a collar shirt or a button down shirt and tennis shoes. If we are visiting a customer, we dress like the customer dresses, which is almost always the same way. Looking forward to seeing you Monday at 9.

 

So I don't think it's weird for the company to mention what everyone wears. I suspect, if you actually went shopping for clothes in a store, you could find comfortable t-shirts. I do have a friend in IT who does wear graphic tshirts to work every day. He does something with blue tooth. He even dresses that way at conferences and with clients because that's how the industry dresses.

[Arcadia]

People usually dress better on the first day of work and then adjust on the second day. Some go shopping after the first day to get clothing that match their workplace dress code. Don't worry.

 

ADVICE ALERT!

My 21yo son works at a software startup and is into very cool. And he was just reading over my shoulder. He said to get pocket t-shirts. They are very cool now. Or to get a slight v-neck shirt. Or to get a t-shirt with a large geometric graphic on it, like a big circle or something. That would be very cool but not the "graphic t-shirt" which I myself abhor.

I'm near NASA AMES so people who work where graphic tshirts are the norm tend to wear the black t-shirt with the big NASA logo in front.

 

When I was working, the tech companies hubby and I worked for gave us so many company logo t-shirts and shirts that we don't need to spend much money on work clothes. We have tech conferences t-shirts too so we have engineers come to work with Linuxworld t-shirts as well.

Edited June 5, 2017 by Arcadia

[wonderchica]

So what happened, OP? Was the polo okay or did they kick him out?

[lauraw4321]

This is one of the stranger things I've read. My husband's work has an extremely informal (i.e. probably only 10% of the people in his building, which is a tiny fraction of the company's global workforce) Friday cool shirt day. Shirts they wear are things like the NASA meatball but instead it says "NERD," or my DH's favorite - Fortan 77. But for it to be some kind of policy for people to wear that...???  I feel confused and out of touch and old (and I'm 36).

[Forget-Me-Not]

I'd love an update. One of my brothers is a programmer and he dresses very casually. In the summer it's things like cargo shorts and a tshirt (one of the many his company has given him).

[happi duck]

Update?

[lauraw4321]

bump

[DawnM]

T-shirt orders at my school are made at the start of the year and that is the only time they are ordered.  I didn't order any.  I wish I had!  Most teachers wore them on Fridays and that would have been great for me to not have to think about what to wear at least one day of the week.  

 

My DH wears polo shirts exclusively to work.

 

I wear T-shirts almost daily.  I buy the nicer V-neck thinner ones and wear a little vest or light pull over on top.  

 

I think if that is what the work environment is and everyone else is wearing it, he might feel funny not wearing it.   I think he should get one or two and try it.

[heartlikealion]

My dh wears Big & Tall clothes. He will not wear just a t-shirt. His compromise is he wears an overshirt. In the summer they have a more casual dress code so he wears a tshirt and an unbuttoned short sleeve overshirt. This is how he dresses when he goes out of the house, too unless he's already dressed up for something in which case he wears long sleeve button up shirts (buttoned lol). He is self conscious in just a tshirt.

 

My other suggestion is to wear a size larger if the t-shirt fabric feels clingy. Dh hates clingy. He also hates polos because he thinks they cling to his chest. I think polo sounds overdressed in your dh's work environment so yes, I would see if there is a way to replace a polo with something more casual looking. Do they need to have a print on them?? My dh doesn't like to wear shirts with prints anymore so he just wears plain ones. I used to buy him novelty shirts, though. Gaming shirts and such.

[foxbridgeacademy]

tshirts with short sleeve button ups worn over them, half way buttoned. Buy a shirt specifically from the place, wear it under the button up and thank emailer for the great suggestion.... look for another job.